The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

What a wild day! Early this morning, I got a phone call from my step-dad's helper wanting to know if I knew that my mom was scheduled for a blood transfusion at 9 am. No, I did not for no one from the nursing home called me and I'm the medical POA for my mother. So, I got dressed and drove a very quick hour drive in less than an hour. I ended up getting to the hospital before the EMS people got there with mom. While checking her blod type, they checked her red blood cell count which by that time had returned to normal. This meant moving mom back to the nursing home and I drove home to go on a 3 1/2 hour drive to visit relatives which is where I am tonight. What a day.

oh joan I wish I had the time for a walk well I guess I would have time if I wasn't posting here but it is my time to get off my feet for a minute...Its 2:15 and just got my teeth brushed been on phone or hold all morning.. I will now look for something decent to wear...and go pay for car insurance policy I forgot to take care of last week. thank goodness I didn't get accident or pulled over!!!

Sharyn, I love the lil midget story dragging you toward her Momma..it is the simple little things that can evoke a sweet/emotional moment! I tear when momma sings the sunshine song for people she is so dang cute...her nurse sez I should put it up on Youtube and/or it should be used for promotion of elder issues.

above, that was to Margeaux

Just got this thru Lift Caregiving FB feed:

Tips for being resilient:
It is important to have strategies that work for you so you can cope with all that you are managing and can be the resilient person that you are.

Different things work for different people, and some people are more resilient than others. You may know in your mind that these techniques work but find that it is hard to actually do them. Try picking one new strategy to try each week.

Here are some strategies to get you started:
•Acknowledge the reasons for the choices you make. Caregivers sometimes feel that they do not have a choice. Sometimes you actually do have a choice; you just may not like the alternatives. For example, your loved one could take the bus to their appointment, but you would feel guilty if they did. By deciding to drive them yourself, you may be choosing to avoid feeling badly rather than asserting that you won't do something that you don’t want to do. If you recognize the reasons for your choices, you will feel less resentful about the outcome.
•Apologize if appropriate. Guilt is appropriate if you have actually done something to harm someone else. The best response is to make amends and apologize.
•Be physically active. Regular physical activity is one of the best ways to manage your stress, anxiety and sadness. It is important for your physical and mental health. A brisk walk several times a week will make a big difference in your emotional well-being. If you’re having trouble making time to be active, remember that even five minutes at a time will help. Try it the next time you are struggling with negative emotions and see how you feel.
•Breathe deeply or try calming exercises. When we feel stressed, worried or upset, we tense our bodies and our breathing becomes quick and shallow, rather than deep and abdominal. Try taking slow, deep breaths so that your belly rises when you inhale. If this is hard for you, try it while you are lying on your back as a start. Deep breathing can be done at any time, any place. It is important to consciously relax on a regular basis to calm your body and mind. Breathing is a fundamental part of stretching, yoga and tai chi, which are all easy and fun relaxation techniques. Remind yourself that what you are feeling now is temporary. It will pass.
•Count your blessings. Focus on the positives. Even if your loved one’s situation is much worse than you had expected, there are still positives. Remember the things you love about your loved one and think about the good times you shared. Try doing things you can still enjoy doing together. If you focus on the good things, you’ll be less likely to struggle with your feelings of sadness or grief.
•Divide tasks into manageable pieces. If your responsibilities feel overwhelming, break them down into small pieces. Dealing with each part individually won’t seem so intimidating. Make a mental list of the tasks and try to think about them one at a time. Try writing your list down to help you feel less overpowered by a situation.
•Express your feelings. One of the best ways to reduce your sadness or frustration is to express your feelings regularly. Find a way that you can “vent” when you are feeling down. Bottled up emotions will not go away; they will only get stronger and cause problems. You can share your feelings by talking with others, or you can express them by writing in a journal, dancing or doing artwork. Do what is best for you.
•Focus on the present. Sometimes we grieve about the future we see before us. Potential losses can be very real, but focusing your attention on them will likely cause you grief and sadness. Think less about the future and concentrate more on the present. Things might now be like they were, but they aren’t yet what you fear they will become. Enjoy what is available to you now.
•Get enough rest. Many caregivers carve extra minutes or hours out of their day be sleeping less. Although this may give you extra time, it will likely affect you in negative ways, emotionally and physically. When you don’t sleep enough, you are more likely to be short tempered and feel resentful. You will also be more prone to illness. To stay emotionally balanced, make getting enough sleep high on your list of priorities. It will help you be a better caregiver!
•Get help. If no other family members can share the tasks of caregiving, look into support offered by government and nonprofit agencies. Whether your loved one needs help with transportation, preparing meals or minor home repairs, there are programs that can help. If someone else can handle some of those tasks, then you will have more time to do the things only you can do, such as loving and caring.
•Get more information. Fear, worry and anxiety seem to thrive on uncertainty. Learn as much as you can about a situation that concerns you. There may be good reasons to worry or be afraid. If they are, you need to get more information so you can manage your level of concern appropriately. Once you are fully informed, you may view the situation differently and find ways to make it better. Remind yourself that worrying is not productive and only causes you distress.
•Join a support group. People who are “in the trenches,” just like you, know exactly what it’s like to be a caregiver. They have many similar experiences and can listen with empathy. Many of them have grappled with the same issues you’re facing and can offer useful tips and suggestions. A caregiver support group provides a safe and supportive place to share feelings and get advice. If you can’t physically make it to a local support group, consider joining our on-line caregiver community.
•Keep your sense of humor. Blessed are the flexible, for they do not get bent out of shape. Do what you can to see the lighter side. Set aside time now to do something just because it is fun, especially if it makes you laugh. Laughter is not a luxury; it is a remedy for the stressed and overloaded. Keep a list of things you like to do for fun, and try to include one every week.
•Limit the time you worry. It is easy to let fears and worry overcome you. Try keeping them in check by setting aside a special time to focus on your concerns. Make this your “worry time.” Keep your worries off limits for the rest of the day. If you have a troubling thought, write it down. Start a “worry list,” and address it during your “worry time.” Let it go until then. This allows you to stay focused, be productive and keep track of your concerns so they don’t dominate your day.
•Set up “worry guidelines.” When thinking about your loved one, it helps to have a clear sense of what is normal and what is a cause for concern. Get the information you need, and then decide when you should start to be concerned. Specifying what to be concerned about and when will help you focus your attention on action instead of worry. This can help you keep your fears in perspective.
•Look at your accomplishments. Chances are you have already done many things to help your loved one. The next time you feel guilty, acknowledge all the good things you do. You may be surprised to discover that you have much to feel good about too!
•Set limits. One of the best antidotes to giving too much is to learn to say “no.” Easier said than done, for sure! Start by listing the things only you can do versus the things that someone else could do. You might also list the things you really like to do and then the things you don’t enjoy. Once you’ve made your lists, look into options for having others relieve you of the tasks you don’t like and those that don’t require your participation. You will feel less resentful when you do only what you can.
•Think in terms of “I regret.” Guilt and blame go hand in hand. It can be hard to say “no” when others want you to do something. Saying “I’m sorry, I can’t…” or “I feel sad that I can’t…” might feel awkward, but it acknowledges that you are truly sorry that you cannot do all that is requested of you. In a subtle way, this changes your answer from being just negative to being apologetic yet aware of the disappointment it may cause.
•Take a break. We all need periods of relief. If you’re feeling emotionally overwhelmed, take a break…ten minutes, half an hour or whatever you need to work through your emotions. It helps to do something to express your feelings. Find a private place and cry, go for a walk or job, call a friend, write down what you are thinking or draw. Release the built-up emotions so you can think more clearly.
•Take time for yourself. You cannot get water from a dry well. You need to do things that replenish your inner resources. These do not have to be expressive or time consuming. Take the time to do something you enjoy, something you enjoy, something that is just for you. It will help you avoid feeling that your life is only about other people and not about you. Keep a list of things you enjoy, and try to include at least one each day.
•Talk with a friend. An old Swedish proverb says, “Shared job is a double joy; shared sorrow is half a sorrow.” Talking with a caring friend who may be able to look more objectively at the situation will bring relief and help you regain perspective.
•Try meditation or prayer. If you cannot physically get away, then take mental or spiritual breaks. Set your worries aside and clear your mind. Some people take a mental break to pray or meditate, some just unwind. Let the world spin for 5, 10 or 20 minutes without your help. It will still be there when you get back, but you will feel refreshed and have more energy ahead of you.
•Try to understand. Sometimes a loved one of other family member will say something to make you feel guilty. On one hand, there may be no excuse for it. On another, it may be a sign that that person’s emotions are reeling. They may be acting on a lifelong pattern or may be responding to fears or losses associated with illness or aging. In either case, you can keep from falling back on guilt if you remind yourself that the other person is probably scared or hurt.

Blessings to you and hubby!
Peace,
Juju

Juju~You have lots of support on this site and friends who care about you. I know it is not the same as having friends that are near you in person. My sis and I have discussed this several times. I don't think it is a dysfunction. You are just at a different place emotionally than other people. I have friends...people I have known since I was a child...I run into them occasionally, we hug, share some laughs about the past, shed a tear together for the losses of our parents and this seems to be enough for me right now. What I miss is my children more than anything else.

Margeaux~Sending you and your hubby positive thoughts and energy! Hugs to you!!

Hi All,

This morning I'm off to take my husband for his Laparoscopic procedure for a hernia. Could you please all put out a spiritual holler for him?
Thank You, Much Love & Light! Margeaux

I wonder today although I was always the strongest and healthiest of all my siblings and surrounded by all this dysfunction in my life If my tendency to be tough and self reliant is a dysfunction in itself...is that why I have no support because I make it that way... as now I feel like that is my downfall....I don't put up with bs or crappy behavior from anyone and would prefer to just be alone than deal with bs...Is that a dysfunction...am I making my own life so unbearable...I don't have a soul (locally) to count on...
I kinda feel I eliminated people that made me feel bad and to make room for the new good people that I am allowing in but I kinda feel like ever since my divorce 17 ys ago I have no one in my corner...that was an issue in itself..i got screwed due to my kindness and consideration and my friends n neighbors who knew what was going on behind my back never sed a word...so that is when I decided I never will count on anyone again or expect any kind of considerate behavior...I just recently learned to stop being considerate to those who do not reciprocate that interim time was just spent depending but hoping n praying for condiderate and heartbreak even tho I did not expect or depend on it just heartbreak that it was not given as I still gave so much to others.. I kinda think it was the mothering instinct I have, I wanted children so bad so I treat others in that sort of fashion...to do and advise as much as I can offer support n guidance. and would think humankind reciprocates the same behaviors so as I type this out I guess I never let go of that expectation even I told myself I had as once I did happiness came back in my life.....
but have I done damage to myself with this....am I too self supporting and is it a personality disorder...I never was good at making friends I attributed it to the crazy family I was ashamed to be associated with but maybe it is just me...I am so involved in me I cant be a good friend...idk....I am tired and need some support so now my mind is wandering. but basically I really need some support and friends now and find I have no one....but the little doggie who is trying to hug me as I type this I swear he has a sense of emotion cuz he don't do this oftern but usually when I need it most, crazy especially if I do have one of those cry out loud moments...but I am perfectly quiet and he is on my chest licking me and he puts his paws around my neck and literally hugs me! he is so cute!!! I know I am rambling and may not made sense but thanks for letting me blow this out!
well I would love some feedback and thanks for the support
Take care and have a good day! TGIF, I think, lol!!

Emjo - love the soap references! So perfect!

You will love the tattoos - and they put on numbing gel - the worst you will feel is a little sting. Just will be hard around your eyes. But just think - you will not ever have to put on eyeliner again! Or have it run when you swim - and look even more beautiful first thing in the morning!

Hahaha- I think we could all use come chocholate kisses today! Went last night with hubby to Cheesecake Factory...speaking of chocholate - we never do this but have been working so hard in our yard for the upcoming wedding - we deserved a treat - had the flour less ( I am going gluten free) chocholate Godiva mousse cheesecake - omg! I highly recommend it!

I have an appointment today at 11 - then going to get new sheets - then maybe I will call my mom...still waiting to hear from dr- so not really much to report to her. Don't want to make any apps for her - she will just cancel them anyway!

So quick question...how do you dodge the "I have to get out of here" comments? What is the best way to diffuse that? I am thinking that all the places have shared baths ( she is too good to share a bathroom) and there are waiting lists? Or - no you are staying put?

Chocholate all around for this Friday!

Hugs to all
Karen

I like that idea Joan!! Search for Suspicion, All my dysfunction. Thanks for the chocolate kisses and hugs, I needed them!! Sending some back to you♥!!

you know with chocolate, like the Borg, "Resistance is futile"

chocolate kisses (and hugs) coming your way, sharyn - special delivery!

ju - I walked 40 blocks in the city - good de-stressor - my feet hurt but even that was a good distraction, hoping y9ur mum's pain subsides
sharyn - blubber away - an excellent release - I have been leaking a bit over Gordie as I was so busy on his date with mother the feelings weren't able to surface
Karen - leave it longer - if it is more comfortable for you - focus on you and what is good for you - not on your mum and her wants and whims which are ever present and endless - what you write reminds me so much of my mother - the bitching is almost word for word - and, of course she will complain about me to anyone who will listen and that she gets no family support - can you hear the violins playing? Don't take her too seriously.
margeaux, as always - you write well and with insight - the bureaucracy is a pain in the... but as my daughter said we just have to go through the hoops until we get a better solution. Mother needs to take her antipsychotic meds - risperidone - and for that to happen she will have to be supervised - someone will have to give them to her and make sure she swallows them, and that has to be a different environment than she is in now where they cannot make her take them
cmag - hope your mum's potassium levels are getting better - it shouldn't take too long for them to rise, I think. Good luck with your wife's surgery
alison - always thinking of you and your journey
jody, kazzaa, and others let us know how your are
Austin - hope you and your man are good -remember he is just a man and he will have some faults, even if he is a good guy over all - no one is perfect
I woke up much too early so will have to sleep later on - haircut today and am summoning up the courage to get eyebrows and eyeliner tattooed on the next trip to E'town. Waiting for the next installment of "Mother Knows Best" or "The Old and the Restless" and, for the narcissism, "As The World Turns Around Me." Hey, we could have a contest for the best soap opera title for dysfun fams. I may start a new thread for that! Recently on the phone she said to me in querulous tones - "If they would only leave me alone, I would be happy". I nearly laughed out loud. If only she would leave them ( and me) alone...
sigh... all in fun and by way of lifting the spirit Love and hugs Joan

Sad1-I could use some chocolate right now.lol!

forgot this
margeaux for the kindness and pain tips...I will start trying new things.

sharyn I do well up and tear but I just cant seem to have a good outloud wailing cry only once in a great while. I would like to cuz it is de-stressing as a good laff is as well

happiness to all of you!!
juju

On the subject of junkfood, My GP many years ago as she was thinning fast after Namenda/Aricept began...sed to feed her small and often and give her whatever she will eat...do not worry bout calories cholesterol etc....just feed her what she likes...sweets is a big part of that but I do try to keep it balanced diet with healthy items and sweet healthy stuff most time.

Well after my nap and hindsight I believe again athough spoken with compassion authority and intelligence I believe this DR did not provide the time and diagnostic efforts or care instructions I would have expected and It just irks me as I do believe they will surely submit the bill to MC and get paid for treating her! oh well I was so confused by the time I got there I did not cover all I needed to with reference to this injury and believe because of her being so gaunt and sunken appearing, she was on her way out when he sed just make her comfy!! but he also said she is my charge and I know what best to do, how to care for her, I one who knows best what to do for my mom...on same note I need to know exactly what is wrong to make that kinda call...
and after more googling it seems it could be Achilles or ACL or all of them....seems that knowing which and what is injured is an important piece of info I feel is nessecary and they don't feel same. Now what do I do???

Well that is it, got s some alz walk promo I want to do, lol...will probably pass back out soooo tired!!
Peace,
Juju

Ugh... Spelling horrible! iPad! Sorry!

Lol! Thank you for the responses Margaeux and Sharnmarie. The junk food has been cleared by dr...said for me to choose my battles as long as they aren't too salty. She wants Hershey's kisses, almond joys, lays potato chips, canned nuts - things like that. The thing is it is the same loop - since last November - "I have to get out of here, they do nothing for me, you don't know what goes on here, I hate the food, no one visits me....". On and on. No one visits as she is so rude to everyone - she fired the one person that was her caretaker before - they had become friends - as she told her to get out and kiss her ass...and has not felt bad about it at all. That woman was a saint too! I hab
Be been going down every 3 weeks and she has a list for me - I always get it wrong - then she goes through the loop again. My daughter won't go anymore - my brother won't have a thing to do with her and my 3 sons are not keen on going - the eldest did and she spent the whole time focused on me and kept telling me nonsense...ugh. He has spent the weekend working on her house and she could hardly look at him until I left the room. I am still reading these books and trying to figure out how to deal with her. She takes advantage of the new gals - that's how she got them to call me. Plays nice and sweet...kind of like sweet Charlotte! She has lost about 40 lbs since a hear problem about 1 1/2 years ago - which she needed to do. Dr said she is in the best health she has been in for years - as she is eating properly and no vodka! Hates the food - bland I am sure. I just am a loss for the constant same conversation. She gets some things...but not other. Frontal lobe stroke...and hey - if I can make someone laugh - great - after all isn't that what gets us through this! So...call her tomorrow...a few days??? Thanks so much for the advise - I haven't read how to disarm her yet!! Hugs to all! Karen aka sad( mad,frustrated, etc!)

Sad1~ I take packages of cookies to my mom from time to time because I know she enjoys them. I see nothing wrong with moderation on "junk food". I take her out occasionally for a cheese burger and fries too. Of course over indulging in sweets or other junk food is not healthy but an occasional treat is fine. Diabetes can be a problem but I have also read that elderly people lose the ability to taste things and that is why they turn to sweets. Just don't let mom over do the junk. I think you did good not being available at her immediate request when it is not an emergency. Enjoy your anniversary...you and hubby deserve that time together! Hugs to you!!

Juju~So sorry your mom is in such pain. I hope you had a good nap, I would so love a nap. Well, as far as crying goes, I am a big crying wuss, LOL!! It gets embarrassing at times because I can't always talk about my mom without crying. The same with my brother and his health issues. Today has been one of those days where I have been weeping on and off all day. Why, I am not sure other than I get tired or it may be that as I register deep within me something about my mom, I cry. I took a picture of mom the other day. She wasn't wearing her glasses due a problem with them and she had really over done her eyebrow with a brow pencil. I did get a chuckle out it but the reality is that mom is still trying so hard to make herself look good (a good thing). It was really very cute and endearing to me. Now I cry when I look at the picture or talk about it. Really a simple thing but it touches me so deeply. That same day, as Midget and I walked down the hallway to the dining area, mom saw us and she called to Midget..."Midget, come here Midget!!" This little 13lb dog took of running pulling me behind her. I am 5'8" and about 20 lbs. overweight but she is pulling me and I have to run to keep up with her. I was telling this to a co-worker today and I cried through the story. It is not a story I can share with my sis because of her jealousy regarding mom loving her dogs more than us kids. I look at that I want mom to feel accepted at this point in her life, who cares if she loves the dog more than us...I certainly don't. Ok...enough blubbering!! Hugs to all!!

Sad1daughter,

Ay!!!!! This is not to be mean nor unkind, however your post made me laugh!
The thought of an elderly person demanding junk food. What else does she eat, if I may ask? What's up with the junk food? This isn't good for her anyway.
No! You shouldn't give into her whims, I'm somehow feeling that she really pushes your buttons here. DON'T allow it, or she'll never stop.

This is not at all cool either that the AL people gave her your cell #.
Stay strong, be firm!

Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Scmoonbeam,

Disappear the old phone. This only adds to the confusion.

I remember about 7 yrs. ago, we already felt mom had ALZ.
She was diagnosed, only she and her narcissistic sister (who lived w/her),
and had a ton of health problems hadn't informed we, mom's kids. So when I'd go visit I'd notice their phone was always not right, in terms of being able to record incoming messages. At that time they were still living alone, so the operation of a phone was very essential. One day I took my mom through this whole instruction process of showing her how to operate their phone, poor thing she was faking she understood, although I didn't realize this at that time. When I did, I felt really bad for taking her through this. I'm telling you this story so that despite, whatever you feel with her in connection to past dysfunction, realize also that their brains aren't functioning as ours do anymore. We kind of have to do their thinking.

Of course, her remark went over the line, the way she addressed you, and
did a guilt trip on you. My aunt used to literally holler when SHE felt her nasty demands weren't being met, (and they were), "one day you kids are going to
be old like me"......blah di blah. She was so sarcastic about everything, so eventually, my sister and I would laugh behind her back, and she deserved it.

Scmoonbeam, the only thing I can say in this situation is that possibly you are the one that will have to adjust to these changes, and I'm not trying to say nor assume this is easy. But if you do, this won't take you down the path you are on now.

If this AL has services provided that would make your life a lot easier, use them.
That's what they're for. When one doesn't feel good, surely under those conditions we all have our moments. So yes, quit beating yourself up.

Time for a serious bubble bath, I hope I can do that later,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Juju,

Is it possible for you to get some Tiger Balm, or Arnica cream?
I use this on various aches and pains, especially on my back and neck, which act up after certain chores. Really sorry that she's in so much pain.

Hang in there my friend,
You're one tough cookie!
Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Hi all - I guess this is a good day for a pity party...reading all your posts makes me realize that my mother really doesn't have it too bad - she just makes it out that way. I was just feeling a bit stronger - and through my mothers friend (who she keeps calling) said I was really busy catching up with work and getting ready for a wedding in our backyard - that I wouldn't be down for a while. Buying myself some time so I can read up on how to handle her narcissistic ways. Then I got an email yesterday from the Asst. Living place saying she wants them to go out and buy her the junk food - I didn't have time to get back to her immediately - as it was my husbands and mine 31st anniversary yesterday....took a day off from everything! So - today - she had an aid call me wondering why I didn't email back! Yikes. So I told her fine - buy the junk food and send me the receipt. But she wanted Tylenol - which I think is keeping her Coumadin levels out of whack. So I said no to that until I talked to the Dr. My mother just called my cell (OMG) and wanted to know about the doctor - and her crazy talk (aphasic) and for me to call her right now. Well - after putting down 10 yards of cedar chips - I am going to take a shower and go to dinner...not call her - trying to be strong and not jump when she says jump. So - emailed the asst liv - and told them to tell her I would call tomorrow. I am really upset that they gave her my cell number for her to call me...ugh. So - just for some validation - is this the best way to handle it. You are all going through so much - and this seems all so stupid - and frivolous...but your feelback has been so awesome - and helpful. All for snacks - geez! just like a toddler!

oh ya when I googled that injury they did mention you have to rule out Achilles tendon first by some things which I could not even begin to understand so I wonder if he gave that a look or could be Achilles or this...anyway just no wonder she in so much pain we have not even been treating ankle area....I am done ranting tho
Have a good day, best as we can!

Thanks Margeuax for your caring thoughts! we appreciate it!!!

Well 4hrs on road and 2+ in office, 1 for lunch and we are home...well hotel/home.
Good news I got sushi, tempura, miso soup, and seaweed salad for lunch in the big city only get japanese when there and that is not often!!! Yummy on the tummy!!!
Well no official testing done on moms leg but at least this place a huge ortho clinic/sports medicine type place gave more details. MRI could be done but he intelligently explained treatment options no diff if we get exact diagnosis He immediately ruled out knee ligaments diagnosis I previously had (which I was bracing n icing all week) and feels by manual exam is Planteris Tendon Rupture lower leg and ankle area. The first thing he did is rip of brace and toss aside for good and a showed me small area signs of pressure sore developing already it was a sports support brace...for running and knee Only a soft cushiony ankle brace of my choice n liking is desired to immobilize ankle and same treatment just on proper area R.I.C.E. rest ice compression elevate....
Googled injury and sez to completely immobilize ankle....omg we did nothing to ankle for past 6 days good lord I treated the knee not the ankle per these dr's here instruction....but bottom line same result....just let her be n heal make her as comfy as possible!
I feel better now talking to someone with some gosh darn sense! but still feel bad as she is hurting so and it makes everything that much harder for us all and we did nothing to help her actual injured area past week but what ya gonna do I did not know, the dr should have and yes an MRI is doable with her kind of hardware!!! My head is going to expode with these so called DR's here in my area!!

Well as I may have said it is nappy time for me, been a long week but I think I can rest now! Love n Hugs to you all!
Peace,
Juju

Well take care will catch up later on you all I am exhausted n need a nap!!

Sunny yes sometimes a good cry is therapeutic....we can do nothing to change these quirks ever so frustrating!! I don't do that enuf I tend to forge on and hold everything in, side affect is I go completely brain dead, My caregiver coma as I call it. it was all I could do the mechanics of taking care of mom and then staring at the walls the rest of the time or ??idk, just ignoring all other responsibiltys but the urgent to keep heat n food in the home etc.... everything Is a wreck but we are getting thtu it..anyway I digress
I wish I could cry, a good cry out loud cry not just a tear or too. I feel like I am too tired to even cry. or have I become so hardened by all this crap that I no longer have emotions idk...but I know it would relieve some stress...it is documented that crying is therapeutic as well as hugging/personal contact and I don't do either much.. I do hug my few friends that have stuck with me, friends when I see them maybe a visit 1-2 a month seriously and the rest is just me n mom...and no family or partner in life so I do not get enuf of either.

I am beat today so emotional here...needing a break, arm going numb again!

peace out,
Juju

Scmoonbeam~Awww, I know what you are going through. First, don't beat yourself up, you are only human and there are times we crack. I am hugging you today!!
I tried so many times to teach my mom how to use a new phone, I even wrote simply instructions step by step, and it was the same thing you experienced.The phone she uses today is an old phone with a touch tone pad. My mom wears hearing aids and this is the only phone that she can hear on. We even tried a phone from the state of California that is specifically for hearing impaired but the instructions on how to use it were so incredibly difficult we had to send it back. The hearing aid office who arranged for mom to get this phone even told us that is very difficult to set the phone up. Maybe you could make the old phone disappear for a few weeks and see if that helps your mom to adjust by forcing her to use the new one. You may be able to find an older model phone on Amazon with the touch tone pad instead of a rotary dial. I was able to order an older answering machine from Amazon (the same model my mom had been using for years). It helps if you know of an older model phone that did work for your mom and look for it online. There were other things we would set up for mom but she would unplug equipment at night and then my son would have to go over and reprogram everything again so we finally gave up because she just wouldn't stop unplugging things. Take some deep breaths, maybe a hot bubble bath with some candles burning and if you need a good cry do it. I will thinking about you today..Big hugs!!