
Many of us, myself included, come from a dysfunctional family which adds a lot of weight to the challenges of caregiving. I have read stores on various threads on other topics and decided it would be good to have a thread just for this topic for people to share, vent and discuss.
The idea for this thread originated on the thread named "The Caregiver....How are YOU doing today?"
I'm so sorry to learn that your father has passed, but I'm glad that it seems to have been peaceful, and hope that he lived as full a life as possible, and that you and your family will be able to remember him in better days.
Peace to you and your family.
I am so tired. I think I will go to bed early. Lot of emotion going on.
We had been expecting it so it was not a surprise, still it is hard to believe and I am so so sad.
thankful TS Humberto appears to not be a threat to coastal GA. I don’t have time for all the hurricane prep right now.
Yesterday I got a much needed color and haircut. Picked up water bottles to use in the ice machine, post-op. Cleaned master suite. Gas in car, so I can get to hospital. My right hip replacement will be first one Monday morning. Report to hospital at 5:00 AM. Today I’m going to clean kitties’ screened porch, where they happily live. This evening I have a home care person coming by to meet with me. Going to see if I can afford just a little help, maybe first week post-op. Things like scoop cat litter, turning dirty laundry into clean, maybe a bed change and clean sheets last day. She isn’t yet licensed to receive Medicare payments, but being it’s just custodial type care, and she lives in the neighborhood, it’s probably perfect for just a few hours, a few days. She will do light housekeeping, if needed, simple meals, wash up dishes, even do shopping. I’ve previously met her at our monthly neighborhood ladies’ luncheon. Really like her. Once my husband sees what a little assistance is going to cost him, he might step up and do a couple things to help me. But I wouldn’t count on it. This is to just get me through the worst part, while I’m using a walker, and during the worst pain, Post-op. She works minimum of four hours at a time. So I’m thinking if I can manage each morning, to feed pets, simple breakfast and lunch, I can bathe before she gets here, have her help me with the Ted stockings, get dinner around, feed pets the dinner meal, do up the day’s dishes left from snacking spouse, plus dinner, scoop litter. Do the bulk of household stuff. It will hopefully be money well spent. I’ve laid in a supply of paper plates and bowls, groceries.
This is all new territory for me, to hire assist, as when I had my first three hip surgeries years back, total hip then as well, my first husband and teenage sons were able to bring me laundry to fold, took dishes to and from table, whatever small chores were needed to keep house going. They fortunately weren’t doing drive thru joint replacements twenty years ago. And pain medication wasn’t restricted so tightly, real pain treatment, not this cookie cutter crap, everybody now gets seven days’ pain relief, not a second longer. Of course, I was twenty years younger too. Lol. And my recovery wasn’t complicated by several other joints waiting for their turn to be bionic. So while the right hip won’t be hurting, once healed, the other joints continue on.
Anyhow, two more days, then a hopefully routine joint replacement will be in the past. Looking forward to not having right hip pain.
My elderly mother n' I are moving from the DC-Metro region, to North Carolina. Near Pittsboro. The arguing continues. The community is no problem for her. Since she (still)drives. But the community is not friendly to avid cyclists', It is right off of a 55mph road that has very few stop lights.
But seriously, you sound like you have a great sense of humor judging from your post and that is vital when going through what you describe. Your question is this normal behavior? Well it may be normal for your mom. Has she always been this way? If this is new behavior, then I would say she should probably go to a geriatric doctor and have a whole slew of tests done. She sounds like she loves attention so make it sound like only special people go to these doctors and maybe she'll cooperate and go with you.
You just keep hanging in there and keep posting cause there are loads of smart people who have been where you are and who will if nothing else commiserate with you and sometimes that helps.
Tonight was not much better. She has such pain in her shoulders. I knew better than to ask if she'd taken anything for the pain (she yells when I ask). "Nothing can help my pain!" Then she said that you don't know what pain is (she's the only person that has ever had pain like this). She then mentioned how she can't do anything with her hands (I've offered to take her to any doctor, but she will not go).
She's now obsessing over silly things - food in her freezer (she has two fridges). Two small packages of ham I put away after Easter. "Oh, there's that damned ham, I have to take care of it, it's a worry". What? It is fine. I wrapped it very carefully, it's a small amount. Is the ham going to rise up during the night and try to kill you (a devil ham??). Then she has to keep track of who has garbage out and watch for the truck on garbage day. There was a small power outage a week ago (an hour or less) and it was the end of the world. I have several small power blips a year (at least). It's not great, but it happens.
Her favorite restaurants are not good enough after a year or so. They're just not as good as they were (I cannot tell a change). One place has a gimmick of cooking their burgers in butter - she had no rest until I went with her there for lunch. Now, they fry their hamburgers too hard, and they're too greasy (butter, maybe??). Well, they need to stop using butter. She'll tell me I sit with no tv on at all. Ummm, okay?
I'm not sure how to react (except to remain silent or try to stay upbeat). Is this normal behavior? Or is it a sign of some sort of dementia? Again, she refuses to go to a doctor.
Thanks in advance for any advice and wisdom.
https://www.thedenverchannel.com/sports/broncos/eldest-bowlen-daughters-file-court-motion-arguing-pat-bowlen-lacked-capacity-to-sign-trust-documents
Sickening!
girl -you are awfully busy. Glad you have the energy to get all this reparation done. Don't wear yourself out now!
stacey - thanks - I agree all animals are precious, especially our pets.😉 I am ready for a long break - can't come soon enough.
gershun - so glad you kitty is OK. I know vet stuff can get very expensive. Probably he was missing his dad.
Having emailed my sis that I was not coming and about some estate stuff, I got an email today from her that was a cc to the lawyer about something sis wants the lawyer to do for her though the lawyer is supposed to take instructions from me only. She said nothing to me at all about the rest of the email so I can assume she is mad at me for my decision not to go. I have never ever had any words of appreciation or thanks of any kind from her regarding what I have done for mother - nada, zip, zilch - only criticism. I don't need it and will be glad when the need for any contact is over.
The acting dean for the cathedral called today and outlined his ideas for a set of stained glass windows, in the theme of reconciliation with indigenous peoples, the work to be done by an indigenous artist. They want the windows in bright light colours so the light coming into the cathedral is not cut down much. I think mother would like that When she volunteered in Haiti she was very fond of art done by local artists and liked to see it promoted. They will start doing what they can with the donation then look for more donations to complete the set. I have no idea how detailed a proposal is needed for the money to be handed over. So far it is just ideas and an email. He assured me I would be invited to the unveiling - whatever. I am not big those things but would have to go
Feeling sad tonight that my family, such as it was, and wasn't, really isn't any more. Feeling sad about friends who have passed and who are ill and aging. Feeling thankful that I am as well as I am, and have the life I have.
Someone mentioned "no surgeries". That must come from my father's side . Mother had lots of surgeries. My father and his two sisters had none. They passed at ages 81, 86 and 97. I am very fortunate that way.
Take care. Today is all you have. Be good to you.
But he is healthy...................that is the important (but expensive) thing. Whew! Next cat I get is going to have pet insurance. You can be sure of that.
Thx for asking Golden.
Girlsailor, good luck with your surgery too!
Golden, I completely support your staying home for your Mom's internment, it will do you no good being subjected to the stressors of your sister as well as the travel to get there. You my friend have done your fair share in the care of your Mom and her estate. It's beyond time you begin to put yourself first!
I'm so glad that your kitties are bringing you such joy, I Love cats but unfortunately I'm allergic to them, or else I would have a couple myself. There is something about their curiosity that amuses me. All animals are precious in my eyes! I know my Charlie-girl is a kick in the pants! Much love to you!
SharynmM, my goodness, a nerd arrow to the eye, Ouchie!
Gosh, I know my own Grandsons have these type toys and I never thought of the nasty possibilities that could come from them, you just assume that they are safe because they are soft and spongie. I do hope that the othe Grandad heals up well from both his ailments!
And Gosh darn SharynM, I can't believe that the twins are already 5 years old, boy the time goes quickly! My youngest Grandson is now 5 also, and just began Kindergarten, you blink and then they are 10 like my other Grande! Nice to hear your brother is improving as well! I hope that your back is improving!
TG, hang in there with your Dad! Those Sweetheart Scammers are the Worst! I guess that is the only good thing about him Not having any money, she won't be able to gouge him out of any!
Love to all my friends on this thread, who helped my through so many years of stress! I try to read all the posts!
Anyhow, with the new drive thru joint replacements, not much more cost cutting Medicare can do to us Seniors. Unless they start denying joint replacements.
Sore, been pushing to get house cleaned up, tie up loose ends. Prescription runs, cooked dog food to freeze today. Tomorrow hair appointment. Cleaned kitchen, living room, hall today. Tomorrow will have to clean the master suite. Then the screened cat room Saturday. Sunday will be bed linens, towels, laundry, and finish setting up my sick room. Wishing me luck, and all my friends here!
tg - sounds like dads girlfriend is a real case. Good to keep an eye on things
gershun - any answers from the vet? We do worry about our fur babies.
I know I am scattered with my responses. This time leading up to the burial service is stressful. I am in touch with the cousins and am not sure at this point if any will be going. We are all older and less mobile. I have written my sis that I will not be there. The urn was shipped today - hopefully it will arrive in good time with no problems. The headstone is cleaned and engraved and that is paid for. Thankfully I have very good supportive people at the lawyers (the paralegal) and at mother's tax accountants. I do appreciate them.
Kitties are travelling out of the back yard I think now. One or the other is taking longer to come when I call. The grassy back lanes are pretty safe - never had a problem with any other cats I have had.. Eventually they will find their way out front where the road is. That concerns me more, but my other cats have all figured it. They come quickly when I rattle the bag of treats and they respond to being called. Pumpkin especially follows me around like a dog!!!
Today I am wiped so early to bed. G'night all.
Duck, take care and wishing you speedy recovery.
Like Barb asked. You have someone going with you for surgery?
(((((((Duck))))) I know your health suffered.
I am getting more anxious as the surgery nears. I guess its only natural, going through realizing how helpless I may be and sorting what I will need to do to enhance and ease my recovery like purchasing a fridge for my room, something I should have way back. So I dont have to walk two flights to get food and also to store food from my mothers reach. Nothing to big small apartment size. Just where to put it and then make it happen. I am also in my nature with the anxiety. Although so far I havent had an attack. I spoke to doctor and with the mention of the posibility of admission I went to an emotional tearful roller coaster ride.
Glad the kitten stories are lovely. I am know they are just babies now and will be able to fend for themselves as they mature, I just never thought of cats being prey for larger birds. That sounds scary. But then I do watch nature and have seen a rabbit get scooped up. It must be very beautiful and lovely living around so much nature. Awesome no surgeries.
About the sister thing, I truly understand where you are coming from. Sad to here any type of ugliness especially intentional and from a sibling. My resentment and anger towards my sister is something I have to resolve and totaly let go as if she never existed but I cant forget.
I have lots of things to sort out. I have to make N2 aware that I will be unable to care for my mother for those first few days or more. (Just realizing that). Whatever happens I do know that I am a throoper even if I am not as strong or young, just have to take a deep breath and brace myself.
One thing I do know is that I will be checking out that joke forum to cheer myself up and give me things to smile about.
So even if I am not on line for the next few days, you are all in my heart. I think of you all with every event happy or sad.
Rays of love light and healing to all.
Good night, Sleep tight.
Girl, sorry to hear about those joint replacements coming up. L, stepdad, had a hip revision which was the lead in to my caregiving years. He was 84, I think, at that time. Nearly two months in rehab, brain was anesthesia fussy for about three weeks, then he was back to his baseline. Best wishes on all of those.
Golden no surgeries? I am impressed.
Sharyn, was FIL hit in the eye with Nerf or one of the boys? How old are they now?
Thinking of all of you.