The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

Things started getting to a head tonight with sis and I talking. She complained about who placed mom's clock on the wall in her apartment. I said the maintenance man did. She said , well, its hung too high on the wall!. I said So!! She said, every time I talk with you lately I feel you are criticizing me. I said because every time I talk with you, your concerns are about external issues. She said well, I don't know what to say about that. I said then quit focusing on whether her apartment looks like something out of Better Homes and Gardens...she has Alzheimer's for God's sake, who cares how high the damn clock is hung!!! It's just not how mom would have hung it...I said, how long ago did she hang all the pictures, etc on her walls, if you asked her would she care??? OMG...Hahahahaha, LOL!!! We went after each other with me telling her I feel you take advantage of me since I live local with mom and all the ideas you come with basically require more for me to do. When have I had I a weekend off with my husband??? When have I have a day or two together to sit back,sleep or watch movies??? You do this almost every weekend!!!! Hahaha, LOL!!! Once we got all this out of the way, we were able to talk about real concerns. Mom may be having some incontinent issues according to sis. When I did laundry on Saturday, I stripped moms bed down, there were no stains on her mattress.Sis thinks mom should be living in the memory care unit as soon as we can get her in. I am fighting that because I feel mom is not as advanced as the others in the memory care unit plus I don't want to take what independence she has left away from her. This is tearing me up really bad. Plus there is the the issue of Midget, the dog. Apparently they are not walking her every two hours like we were told would happen. She has peed in the apartment more than once. and the last two times I have gone to mom's apartment, Midget is locked out on the balcony!!! Sis believes mom is doing this, I believe the caregivers are doing it???? Who knows, Midget is only 13lbs., she will not survive our summers of 98 and higher even with water. Yes mom's balcony is on the north side so there is no sun...REALLY...13lb. 10 hours out there??? I am stressing because taking the dog away from mom will cause her progress more...but mom's care is more important, but mom's care involves the dog!! Sis told me she does not think mom has bathed since she has been there. They are suppose to give mom reminders but maybe that is all they do, apparently they don't make sure she does it. I DON"T WANT MOM IN MEMORY CARE...her privacy will be gone...other residents can and will come in her space whenever....her door will be left open...did I tell you I DON"T WANT MOM IN MEMORY CARE...I need help coping with this as it is tearing me apart. I told sis when I go out on FMLA I will stay with mom for 3-4 nights to find out what is really going on, is she inontinent, is mom putting Midget out to protect her???

Hi Beth 53, yeah this thread has been going for a while, but we are a young thread compared to some other threads here.

How are you doing?

It is volunteer work -we make cancer pads for nursing homes and Rosary Hill-a end of life hospital. I am no longer going in at 8 to set things up-I will go in to have coffee with my good friends at 9-but life is good now-I have met and am dating a soulmate-we went to high school together but did not really know each other-we reconnected in Jan and he is such a nice kind man the opistite of my late husband.

This thread has been going on for over a year.

i just want to say...hi...i'm glad people are surviving...i haven't spoken to my father since january...but i am able to pray for him...lots of problem with sibling..but one thing no one can ever accuse me of is looking for money..i don't even know how much my father has...i just hope it's enough for his care..and for my mom..who now lives by herself..so much sadness....so little time...be well my friends..i haven't been on here for a long time..

Austin,

Thank you for your idea about my SIL. Oh Austin, she is terrible. The main reason we haven't confronted her is basically because, our brother (husband) to her deals with her, through avoidance. She's a total nag. Believe me, I've on many occasions have wanted to blow a fuse with her. My sister has done this. She did it many years ago one time when she mistakenly went on a camping trip w/them. They ended up in a squabble on account of my sister's then young daughter playing the horse shoe game. SIL's daughter apparently wasn't winning, and SIL threw a hissy fit, and went off on my niece. Then my sister came out of the tent and told her off. They have a competition going to this day regarding their daughters who are now grown up. After that, they didn't speak nor gather together at mom's on holidays for over 10 years. They somewhat made their peace finally. In my opinion though, I don't understand why my sister more recently started to text with her, and maintain some boundaries.

But I'm totally fed up w/she putting my brother down, criticizing. She criticizes in a manner that appears to be a joke. I know what I plan on telling her the next time she tries this, and that is, that I don't want to hear it anymore.
But I will still try to keep my cool when that time comes.

It is terrible as in your situation when people criticize the work you do.
Is this volunteer work of some sort? I would not want to return to that kind of atmosphere either. Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Marge you are my hero-not blowing a gasket with that angery women about the parking spot and having to listen to that boring brother-I want that extra measure of patience-I was ready to walk out of our cancer pad work the other day when 2 women critizied me about cutting the outside-I did explain how hard it is to cut the sheets with elastic but they kept it up so the next week I did not get the room set up or do any work early and when someone commented on us doing work I explained I was going to stay home that day and was still upset about the comments the week before-I did get support from many of them-so I did handle it ok after all-sometimes I just walk out of the room for a while-I have a temper if I need to have one but do try to keep it under the radar-so I am proud of you handling these two things like a lady and a Christian.

So sorry you went through that with the parking space, Margeaux. People sure get riled when they are inconvenienced when it comes to driving. I had something a little similar a few days ago but won't go into details. Glad your mother's day was great with your mom. Sounds like your sis wanted to be a good hostess even though she wasn't there. Hugs to you!

That woman was lucky you didn't blow a fuse!
Anyway, it's over now and you managed to stay safe from her rotten and mean-spirited attitude.
Can't remember where you live (if I ever knew) but the West Coast Costco has the best prepackaged Asian chicken Salad "kit". It is wonderful. All you need for a fabulous meal are greens, like lettuce or spinach or whatever. The dressing is delightful, the chicken breast cubes are grilled perfectly and almonds, crispy things and such are all there separately packaged. One "container" has two complete meals (sans green leafy stuff). When I buy it at Costco, I just freeze it. When I'm in a mood for a salad I just get it out and tear up some lettuce/spinach. Great meal with crisp bread. They don't sell it at all Costco's just on the West Coast I think.
I had a super neighbor that thought the sun rose and set around her "golden boy" only child. It was sickening to tell the truth. He really treated her like she "owed it to him" as he was so darn smart. Long story but his parents worked very hard to put him through school and that included his PhD. He was such a jerk his first wife left him for fooling around on her. But oh no, he was just perfect for my friend. Rolled my eyes over and over. I get irked just remembering how he used her financially. But then, she really wanted him to "be responsible for me" and insisted on giving him all the money she had when her husband died. Of course, he bought a house and she moved in but then in a couple of years he had found a new girlfriend and there you go...out the door! So in the end my husband I did most of the real caregiving for her. We even took her husband to the hospital numerous times until he finally died. Saint William, as I called Golden Boy, thought he was smarter and better than anyone else. What a jerk. But then, I really think his mom, my friend put herself in a bad place by giving him her money and insisting on wanting him to act like he had her for his main attention. I don't get it where some folks think their children owe it to them to be the focus of their lives.
And I'm not a mean person at all...but it does strike me as odd that grown up folks think the younger generation has to put up with all this caregiving just because the person "Wants" the kid to do it
Anyway, I'm fussing with more committee business and have spent the afternoon on the computer.
About time for a nice glass of wine!
My Monday was good. Board meeting this morning and now tackling some of the assigned work.
Hope your weather improves~
Oh, Jodi Arias goes on TV again Wednesday. Cold killer in my book. Scary that folks had been saying she was a stalker. At least she didn't get off! Abused???? The jury didn't buy it but if they did, that jury ought to listen to some of the abusive tales from folks on this site! That's abuse at times!!!
Take care. Hope you had a wonderful salad. I'm thinking that sounds good, too.
hugs,
Bonnie

Bonnie,

Yes, I was sorry about the flowers. However, I could care less what kind of day this, she was no lady either, she was an ogre, was having. She got super aggressive, when she came to my car window, almost stuck her hand in the window, but I pushed the button and raised it, and also hit the lock on the doors.
To yell this kind of stuff from one's own car would be bad enough, but what she did was too much!!! Actually, when she came at me like this, it aggravated me so much, but I was sitting still belted in the car seat, so I also felt somewhat vulnerable. Anyway, I think I handled it the best way I could, and she I know thought she was some kind of winner. In my book, she's a loser with this kind of an attitude.

Golden Boy is very irritating. If you remember he was the brother who ended up in ER, while mom was having her gallbladder surgery. Why? Because he doesn't know how to take care of himself. But to hear him talk, he comes off as such a know it all and full of opinions.

Today, I got down and really cleaned up the apartment. My allergies have been out of control the last few days. We're having some extreme alert days here with indoor dander. Now I'm going to relax, and don't know what to make for dinner, because it's been hot here and I think the menu has to shift to cooler foods now.
Maybe a big salad. I'm feeling like my body is needing this right now, too.

Hope your Monday was very good too!
Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Loved hearing your story about the parking space. sorry you were unable to get the flowers but pushing it further would have been fruitless. Sounds like the other lady (?) was having a rough day, too.
It was nice of your sister to try and make some food for the visitors. Hope she had a nice time with her children at brunch.
Sounds like "Golden Boy" is living up to his name! Isn't it irritating to have to sit there and hear all of that me, me, me stuff. To hold your tongue and keep your eyes from rolling out of socket must be hard.
Glad you and Mom enjoyed Peyton Place. It was a rather risqué movie in the 60's as I recall. The entire town was upset about their lives being put on the pages.

Hope Monday is better for you.
Bonnie

Yesterday, I left my home and was running a bit late to mother's.
I needed to be there about 10:30 a.m., since my sister was going to brunch with her daughters.

My plan was to drive through the flower district in our city, to buy a few bouquets.
When I arrived in the flower district, it was quite crowded already. Parking there is all about meters, or lots. I drove around the block with no luck. Then I saw this huge truck that was leaving a space open, so I pulled up right behind it. As the truck left, I pulled my car up. I now saw a car in front of me, and this angry lady was signaling me to leave, because this was her space. Oh boy! Here I was on about 3 hrs. sleep, the night before. Well, I was still seated in the driver's seat, when this woman got out of her car and came up to my window, and started to yell at me, "You have to leave, I've been waiting for this space for half an hour." My window was almost rolled up, but I completely closed it, and locked my doors. She did scare me, being so aggressive. So I just sat there, and I did tell her that I didn't see her. She wouldn't back down. It was making me very mad, and I was tempted to tell her off. But then, something came over me. I just let her keep on ranting. Then I said, "If you're standing right there, how do you expect me to move my car." She then reluctantly backed off, returned to her car. I had to wait to make my move out of the space now, because there was a lot of traffic. So she had to wait some more, and it was too much to witness how aggressive she continued to be. I had to bite my tongue too, from saying, "Happy Mother's Day." Anyway, I now thought, possibly that I would rather be on time to allow my sister to be at brunch by 11:00, so I decided to skip the flowers.
Besides, I'll just drop in sometime next week and do the flowers on my next visit.
Well now my nerves were completely jangled for the morning.

When I arrived at my mom's my sister was in the kitchen, fussing making rice.
I thought to myself, "Maybe she had a change of plans." But no, she was just leaving some food prepared for my brothers and me, and I'm sure for any grandkids that may come by. I thought, that this was nice of her to do, but really shouldn't be doing this on M's Day. But oh well, that's my sister!

Mom was up, and had already eaten breakfast. She looked very well. She was in a good mood, watching some tv. So after my sister left, my brothers showed up together. I was so happy my youngest brother, who just lost his job a week ago, did not bring his horrible wife. As some of you know, she's being very selfish and un-supportive of the fact that he is now in this situation. I just didn't want to have to be around her, because I know I would have been walking on egg shells, as one always has to around her.

My brother with the job situation was his usual quiet self. I wanted to ask him about how he felt about his first week of unemployment, and about any job prospects. I did not though, because I figure that my sister has been asking him this, and who knows who else. Maybe he just needs some time not being asked.
I thought I'd give him his space. Besides, on the other hand my other brother, golden boy wouldn't stop talking. When he talks, it all is about himself. He was so draining. The things he talks about also, shows his ignorance. We had the tv on. Of course one of the news channels was discussing this trial about Jodi Arias. I could tell by the things that golden boy said about this, he doesn't know much about the facts, and what happened in this case. But he was so opinionated about it. I think this woman has been using the media as a circus with her trial, and I know she's not the first to do something as such. Anyway, my brother asked and seemed uninformed but knew she was claiming abuse by the boyfriend as a defense. So I told him, that according to other facts, the manner in which she killed the boyfriend, was way over the top to say the least. Anyway, I just could not bear to have to hear my brother end it saying something like, "She's not a bad looking woman," blah di blah!! So in other words, I was reading, that he thinks, if you're a good looking woman, you somehow don't possess the ability to commit a crime. My thinking is, I couldn't care how "good looking," anybody could be. The fact that they'd do something so horrible, diminishes any kind of "good looks." Anyway, I so don't like this kind of thinking, it is so shallow. This is golden boy!
They did not stay too long. BTW, not one of those grandchildren showed up either, to wish my mom a Happy Mother's Day, no phone call, etc.

It would have been nice, had my youngest brother been there by himself.
Maybe I could have had the possibility to talk to him, and offer some kind of encouragement. Another thing golden boy brought up which I thought was very insensitive on his part....he complained about his job. He repeated over and over how his job is run like the military concerning their breaks and other rules.
I thought to myself, "Well, no matter what, you still have a job, where as my other brother does not." It is interesting how this brother has no problem talking about himself constantly.

After they left, mom and me were there alone. It was great. We sat and watched "Peyton Place," the movie. I had never seen this version. We ate some chocolates. Mother ate very well too. The one thing I did notice, is the fact that she cannot sit for too long at the dinner table. She doesn't have anymore pain, from the gallbladder surgery. But it has only been 3 weeks ago.
Even if she's saying the tenderness in that area has disappeared, I don't think it's strong enough to support her back in certain chairs. So at least the day ended on a good note at mom's.
I hope all of you had a good Mother's Day! Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Sharynmarie,

Realizing that your mom is keeping busy and organizing is a positive thing.
Blessings that she can still do this! As it has been said that one may not be able to change certain elements about another person, but we sure can do our best to change they way we react to things, or not react at all (will write about this later).

This is quite a big break through for you too. Even if we didn't get, all the warm and fuzzy from our mothers, maybe looking at the dynamics about who some of these people are as individuals. If one has this attitude then maybe we can appreciae and be grateful for the elder person we are now dealing with. This is emotional maturity. Well, I'm very happy for you to hear about this realization.

Yes, I think it is so important to allow people to have their own moments for grieving. It must be so very difficult for your brother's family at this time.

I know that about the grieving point, I'm sure my brother is experiencing this with respect to the loss of his job. That SIL, all she's ever done is tow her energies in the complete opposite direction. She's doing this again, when she texts my sister saying these negative remarks. I am so not into this, "Get over it," mentality. I notice that so many people suffer from this today.

My mom didn't know it was Mother's Day either.
My two brothers came with candy and flowers. After they'd wished her a Happy Mother's Day, and been there awhile, mom asked them why they were there.
It was a funny and cute mother moment. We laughed!

Hope you had a great Mother's Day, Sharynmarie!
I will keep you and yours in my thoughts! Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Marge since they will be at your home I believe you probably tell her you do not want to hear any complaints from her or if she wishes she can wait outside-what can she do not come over any more-that would solve many problems.

Happy Mother's Day to all you special ladies caring for someone whether it be your children or an elder...enjoy your time together!

Margeaux~Happy Mother's Day. One does not have to be a mother, but a loving person who is caring for a mother definitely makes the mark. As you know first hand, you may have given birth but with a narcissistic personality, Mother's Day is every day for these people. Thank God my mother has unfortunately progressed beyond it being all about her. At lunch today, there were little notes on the dining tables stating that breakfast tomorrow and dinner today were being served in 2 different rooms because of the Mother's Day brunch tomorrow. This was on the AL side. Mom read the notes several times during lunch as though each time was the first. She.of course, had no idea tomorrow is Mother's Day. In the recent past, she would have been angry I was spending time with her the day before, but I did not know they were have a brunch until 8 days ago and I need at least 2 weeks to request the day off. Now I pick up a monthly calendar in advance so I know. Anyway back to you...your brother has every reason to have these feelings and his wife is only concerned about herself.Men tend to keep their feelings to themselves which can cause a myriad of effects physically and mentally. He needs your support and I am glad you are giving it, whether his wife will "get it" is doubtful. Just open the door to your brother.
It is still too soon to have any info regarding my brother's step son's services. He (my brother notified us by email of "C"'s passing, I already knew because my great nephew had posted it on f/b, he is only 14 so it is understandable he would post it).I have contacted my brother via email since but have not heard anything. With tomorrow being Mother's Day, his wife is going to have a doubly hard day, (I can only imagine what she must be feeling). I/we decided not to call them, to give them some time with all their immediate family. Believe me, we would love to rush in with open arms to all of them, but they need time together now.
I am off today, very busy day!! Went to the community, had lunch with mom and took her to her apartment. I gave her a card and a mini rose which I will get a larger pot so we can put it out on her balcony. She does ask how long she will be there, but not as often. She asks about her sister, who is in a NH in PA on a feeding tube for 10 years. I steer her away from this because she when I have told her the truth, she is shocked. I spent all afternoon with her, doing laundry and visiting. I realized today, that mom moves things around constanting, which I thought she was doing because she was hiding things. It dawned on me today that mom is (partly hiding things) organizing because she is a organiziner. All this time over the years when we got together, mom would not socialize with us by sitting an visiting with us, she was always busy doing other things (her inability to be comfortable in her own skin), she was organizing because she was taught to be busy doing something constructive!!! Wow...what a realization on my part, I never put it together until today...she is working, not avoiding us like I thought. I spent 5 hours with her and all she did (Just like when she was at home) was busy herself with other things rather than sit down and talk with me. I asked her, Mom what are you doing (a simple question I never asked before), she said, I am just trying to organize things.....BINGO!!! I got it!!!We stripped her bed, including the mattress cover and washed everything. How I wish I had realized this before...she had a sense of purpose in all this endless organizing and we saw it as her avoiding contact with us. I am so glad that she still has this sense of purpose, now that I understand it, I say...have at it mom, and good for you!!!

I want to wish all of you Mother's, I'm making my self laugh over here saying this last phrase, ha, ha! O.K., let's rephrase this, "Happy Mother's Day."
Anyway I wish this to all of you, and even some of you that have no children.
I feel that through caregiving, in what manner better than this, can one not demonstrate their nurturing side. Happy Mother's Day to you too! Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Currently, what Sharynmarie wrote, and a controlling parent, (mom's) is really playing out in our family. My brother worked his very last day just a week ago. My sister called me to say that our narcissistic SIL texted her. SIl said something to the effect that my brother was driving her crazy. This of course we are sure has to do w/my brother's having to adjust now, not having his job of 29 yrs, at his company. It appears according to my sister, that he, poor guy is feeling it emotionally speaking. Mind you, the brother that keeps the emotions to himself.
So now via the text his wife is complaining. My sister replied to her, "He's going through a lot. Then this witch replied back, "So am I." So we can tell that given this attitude, she's probably not being supportive.

He's been a steady bring the bacon home kind of guy, and good husband. All she ever does is make disparaging remarks about him to we the family. So I've told my sister that it's time we put a stop to this. I'm going to mom's tomorrow, since my sister is going to brunch for Mother's Day w/her daughters. My brothers will stop by, and I'm going to be so ready in case my brother brings his mouthy wife.
I've been thinking and meditating about this today. Margeaux

Oops! I spelled my name incorrectly! Margeaux

Sharynmarie,

Your family history, oh it reminds me so much of what mom did with regards to our dad. The very same thing. This has got to be at the top of the list in terms of what a narcissist does to their children. Shame on them.

At least some of us realize it, to help us figure it out. My heart's with you!
Much Love & there is Light! Maregeaux

Amen

Ecclesiastes 3
King James Version (KJV)
3 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

2 A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

3 A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;

4 A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

5 A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

6 A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

7 A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

8 A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

9 What profit hath he that worketh in that wherein he laboureth?

10 I have seen the travail, which God hath given to the sons of men to be exercised in it.

11 He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end.

12 I know that there is no good in them, but for a man to rejoice, and to do good in his life.

13 And also that every man should eat and drink, and enjoy the good of all his labour, it is the gift of God.

14 I know that, whatsoever God doeth, it shall be for ever: nothing can be put to it, nor any thing taken from it: and God doeth it, that men should fear before him.

15 That which hath been is now; and that which is to be hath already been; and God requireth that which is past.

16 And moreover I saw under the sun the place of judgment, that wickedness was there; and the place of righteousness, that iniquity was there.

17 I said in mine heart, God shall judge the righteous and the wicked: for there is a time there for every purpose and for every work.

18 I said in mine heart concerning the estate of the sons of men, that God might manifest them, and that they might see that they themselves are beasts.

19 For that which befalleth the sons of men befalleth beasts; even one thing befalleth them: as the one dieth, so dieth the other; yea, they have all one breath; so that a man hath no preeminence above a beast: for all is vanity.

20 All go unto one place; all are of the dust, and all turn to dust again.

21 Who knoweth the spirit of man that goeth upward, and the spirit of the beast that goeth downward to the earth?

22 Wherefore I perceive that there is nothing better, than that a man should rejoice in his own works; for that is his portion: for who shall bring him to see what shall be after him?

Again, you are such a warm and caring person, Sharyn. Wish you lived next door! We'd be super good friends.

Recognizing that no family is without the issues of loss or fear or stress or complex dynamics means we just have to cope the best we can, every single day (and night). . Perfect or not. (what is perfect???)
What I love about this site is the ability to find friends that are supportive and encouraging with the issues all are facing. Maybe a good suggestion or two,

Compassion...grace...faith ...peace...
These are the feelings I have that I wish I could pass on to all who are suffering the agony of the eternal burden of this feeling of not being able to be the person someone wants you to be. Remember, the worst critic is yourself. You judge yourself far more than any other can possibility have influence to the depth that you are experiencing. This is the challenge...forgive yourself for your own shortcomings and don't argue any more. Say "you're right. I'm selfish. I'm self centered, I'm a worthless daughter and whatever you want to dump on me...I accept your need to dump. Knowing full well you are able to say all of that dumping stuff was just BS and you are freeing yourself from arguing about how bad one or others are.
Just get yourself free of the guilt, demands, criticisms and all those self imposed judgments. God will embrace you as you are.. and say Amen!
hugs from your cyber friend,
Bonnie

Bonnie~Thank you!! I have only met "C" a few times over the years. When my brother married "D", because of our family dynamics with our parents, he kept this marriage separate from us. It was his second marriage and her third. My mother always acknowledged "D" children's birthday's and at Christmas but she really has no relationship with them as the rest of us don't either. "C" got married a few years ago, he had already undergone chemo/surgery twice. There are no children involved. We will be there at the service, don't have any info on it yet. I suspect a lot of people will be there because his former co-workers donated their vacation time to him so he could have time off for his treatments/surgery. He retired on a disability in 2010 when he was told there was nothing more they could do for him. (He continued to have chemo, several types until February) I don't know if taking mom would be a good idea, she doesn't remember him any longer, she knows I am a relative but does not always realize I am her daughter. Losing a child is heartbreaking for the parents, his father passed from the same type of cancer in 2011. My sil has been really struggling with this because "C" was the child she had to protect more than the other 3 because he was picked on all thru school. It really doesn't matter that she had to protect him more...losing a child is devastating, but she is a very positive person and I pray she comes thru this with peace. I have not met "C"'s wife.Thank you again, it is a lot of loss. Warm hugs to you as well.
Sharyn

Sharyn, so many losses in your family right now.
Thanks for explaining further the circumstances of your family dynamics. You have done a remarkable job holding all these pieces together. I'm real proud of you for your work in this area. Blessings to your husband, too. He is lucky to have such a wonderful wife and children.
Seems like whenever we learn of a death we want to hold our own loved ones closer. Maybe it is the natural instinct to protect those we love?
Could it be with dementia taking over friends and family members that we just so want to cherish the idea of just one more day without that disease?
Or as they say...If only I had known...
Was your mother connected at all with this step-grandchild? Do they live near you all?
Will you be able to participate in the funeral/memorial services? Maybe sis and Mom, too? Family healing can help.
warm hugs to you,
Bonnie

Please express our sympathies to your nephew's family, including his young wife. Did he have children? How very difficult for all connected to such a young man fighting a killing and mean disease.
Bonnie

Thank you Book and Margeaux! He passed at 2100 hours last night with his loved ones surrounding him with love. He battled hard and courageously against cancer for 8 years, he was only 37 years old. May he rest in peace and I pray for strength and healing for my brother's family, the young man's wife and my sil who will have a long road ahead of grieving the loss of her son.

Sharynmarie,

I offer you my condolences on the passing of your nephew.
May his spirit soar very high! You are in my thoughts! Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Bookluvr,

I'm really sorry to hear about how your father is declining. Do you think that the Veteran's have some assistance for someone in your situation? I would not like at all to think, that his senility could cause any harm towards you. My thoughts are with you, Book. Much Love & Light, Margeaux

Sharyn, my condolences on your stepnephew. I will pray for them. HUGS...Book