The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

We went to exercise class this morning and only on the way home did I ask about the session yesterday. She did attend and will go again next week.
Thanks for asking.
How is your mother doing? How are You doing?
Are you back at work?
Bonnie

Bonnie~Sounds like your neighbor's mother is making a decision on emotions rather than one that will be beneficial to her well being. I hope it all works out and that the counseling session helps her.

You gals are so great. I don't know if I can spill this can of beans or not on this thread...My neighbors who brought the recently widowed mom from FL here in late Nov or maybe even Dec....I've been worried about.
Well, her daughter and family gave her the heave-ho in a not very pleasant way last Sunday pm.
That SIL is a real stinker. He is so belittling!
Now the lady is saying she is giving up and returning to FL to live with her other daughter (4 daughters in total) in Florida. Unfortunately, that daughter has financial issues and health issues (throat cancer? maybe) and a 20 yr. old son with mental issue and a 16 yr. old who wants nothing more than to smoke funny stuff and leave home asap...That daughter, Mo, has borrowed so much on her little 900 sq. ft house that she is under the gun to the tune of $1000 a month so can't afford that as she makes less than $20,000 a year...so she is looking at bankruptcy soon...but if her mom moves back to Florida to live, then "mom" can help her out by paying rent and staying in the living room or on the porch(?) where the 6 cats have their litter box. Mom/Elaine is allergic to cats.
sounds just awful to me. After exercise this morning we had coffee and discussed the decision she has "made",.. previously she/Elaine has said she has a history of making bad decisions and I said, this in one more you are making.
She could stay at the senior apartments here and get on with her life but she seems so determined to need to feel cared for or to be needed.
She was going to go to the church this afternoon for a counseling session. Pray for the best.
At this point she really hates her sil as he has been such a jerk (telling Elaine's family that he only agreed to have her move here as he was promised she would die very soon).
What an example of family values!
Yet, listening to all of my new Agingcare friends. and offering all I can to support Elaine in any attempt to live on her own...well, it is her choice and her decision to move from a very supportive environment to the throws of mental illness and bankruptcy.
She continues to make bad decisions which is really too bad.
Hugs Sharyn and Book, et al. Thanks for asking.
Bonnie

Book~I guess I just assumed people would know what I meant, Lol!!! I was watering mom's flower beds and I had to go change the hose from one spot to another, Hahaha!! I agree, that with Margeaux's brother, it is best to leave him be unless he brings up some issues. Just include him, talk with him about his life or interests and leave it at that. Sorry for the confusion, I was in a hurry but you made me laugh when I realized it was a statement others wouldn't understand and I needed to laugh at myself...sometimes I'm just too serious.Love you Book and hugs to you!!

Sharyn, when you have time, how does one change the water from one's house?
You mentioned some things to Margeaux that I didn't think of. If brother is still coming, then he is still interested. However, I would still be attending even if I don't care to anymore. But if one of my siblings stopped going, I would too. So, it's hard to say. I guess the best thing to do is just ask him or just leave it be. Go with the flow...

I am trying to read everyone's post here but there is so much going on here so I am going to add my 2 cents.

dkj~The family dynamics and your mom's wishes the no one be in her house requires you do change the locks. It sounds like you have covered all the bases. Just a thought regarding your mother's possessions. My husbands grandmother told the family that they could put their name, date and tape it to items they wanted that belonged to her. This worked very well for them and when she passed away, everything was divided up by who had their name on it. She told them this many years before she developed Alzheimer's.
Letmebe~It is advisable not to live in the same home as an abusive parent who has always been abusive. I suggest you take her out to look at apartments or on tours of assisted living communities to help drive the point home with her. You can also call the state for a social worker to come take with your mother giving her options. Others on this site have done that.
Bonnie~How is your mom doing? I saw the discussion thread you started about your neighbor. What a sad situation for the mother. Glad you are helping!!
Margeaux~As far as your brother is concerned, I really don't know what to tell you other than he may be a loner so he appears indifferent. It could be that since you say your mother spoiled him, that the situation with your mother is too hard for him to deal with so comes across as indifferent or if the personality disorder was passed to him that could come into play. I am thinking that since he comes to the family meetings, he must want to know what is going on, I would think if he just didn't want to be bothered, he wouldn't come. Has he always been like this? Does he feel accepted or does he have control issues? Maybe he is looking for attention...I really don't know. You know his personality. My brother tends to go along with what my sis and I suggest regarding our mom's care, but he will give suggestions on other issues not regarding her care plus he is supportive of what we decide on mom's care. My eldest brother is completely indifferent, he has a lot of anger issues regarding our dad, that blew me away since my other brother, sis and I all have had issues with mom. My eldest brother will talk with my sis and brother and recently he told my sis he does not really remember me!!! Wow...that really hurt because I made a strong effort to connect with him 3 years ago asking to have a relationship with him and he was not interested. I decided it was for the best since his wife's brother attempted to molest me when I was 14 and they have a relationship with him. My father used this information against my brother on one of their trips to visit my brother in Montana because they got into a huge fight. My brother tried to strangle my dad. They came home early from their vacation and my dad was very hoarse and had marks on his neck. They fled during the night. I know that my parents were as much at fault for this fight but it was the straw that broke the camels back regarding their relationship...unfortunately, I was drug into the middle of it because of the situation with sil's brother.

Physically I am starting to feel better, I think the light headedness was due to dehydration...it is very hot here, we had no spring this year, it's in the 90's already. All the aches, fatigue, hot flashes are from stopping the prempro.
I had lunch with mom on tuesday, spent 2 hours with her, we went for a walk with the dog and just had quality time together. She had the community call me last night but I was at work, so I will call her tonight. My brother said he was going to see her yesterday so I hope he did. Mom is still not very sociable in the memory care unit, some of it is because some of the people there are more advanced than she is and they are suppose to be matching her up with people who are compatible but mom is hard to get to know because she doesn't think there is anything wrong with her and just her personality...she will seek out people who she may be comfortable with but they may not match her abilities. Gotta go change the water over at mom's house. Just to say, I am still running back and forth which I don't see ending, I guess it is my new normal. Taking mom to the dr. next week to check her ear, she says it feels like something is in it..maybe a plug of ear wax?? Hugs to everyone, take care!!

.

Margeaux, I am sure there is some term for it, but unfortunately I am not near my books. I have spent a lot of time studying Psychology and have a book, but right now I am not near it.

What I can say is that women are always more of the caregiver than men, but before the men caregivers give me a hard time please do not take this wrong. There are some men that do step up and care, but for years women tend to be the one the raise the children while the men work. This has been the standard for society for a long time.

Now some men are staying at home and caring for their children versus women, but the statistics show that women are usually the ones taking care of those that are sick.

And many men do not show their feelings, but it is also possible that he simply does not care. I am sorry, but sometimes I wonder if one of my sisters truly cares about mom. I have a sister that rarely calls and when she does visit she does her best not to spend time with mom. I mean I really have to go out of my way to piss her off to get her to sit and play a game with mom.

So I wonder if Sharon really cares, if so she has a funny way of showing it. So it is hard to say without having a professional probably talk with him and tell you.

Margeaux~I'm floating around, not feeling too well especially Sun/Mon...lightheaded. I'm not sure if it is because I stopped taking prempro cold turkey, but have been having hot flashes/nightsweats so I started back on it. I'm feeling a little better after 5 days of being back on it...just making sure I'm hydrated too. Talk more later...hugs to all

Sharynmarie,

Where are you, I hope things are going well with you.
Much Love & Light! Margeaux

dkjell,

My brother does come to visit mom more than your sister dies.
Neither of my brothers do the hands on work with mother. I being the other sister in the picture am the only sibling who comes to relieve my sister for the actual care of our mother.

As I wrote to Book, I was wondering more in the sense of emotionally speaking, if anyone had a label for this kind of behavior? I think it comes also from the fact that our father was this way. Truth be told, I think many men fall into this category, of not expressing their feelings. Even so, I would never preclude any sibling from a meeting as such about our mother's health. Margeaux

Bookluvr,

My sister did inform us of the surgery once she determined that mom was experiencing too much consistent pain, nausea and very little appetite. Even though I've had my conflicted feelings about it of which I wrote about, she also expressed that she really didn't want to put mother through this procedure on account of her age.

Regarding my brother, we aren't trying to force him to pretend to do so. This is more of an observation on our parts about him and trying to see why it is he behaves this way. In our family, In all fairness,I don't think it would be a wise thing, to not at least allow the siblings to come and at least listen to what is being discussed about our mother, even if they have nothing to say about it.

I know many times I feel as I do with the unfairness part when I've written about the fact that sometimes my sister doesn't share things until after the fact, and yes this does make me annoyed. I still however always try to bear in mind the other side of the coin so to say, that she does have her hands full living with mom, and many times in the moment of the immediacy of decisions to be made possibly can't do all of the protocols that would take place under more unstressful circumstances.

Hope all is well with you, Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Margueax, without looking in my Psychology book it would be hard to say what your brother is, but it sounds like he does what he wants and has no worries about anyone else.

I have a sister that my mom rarely hears from and she really has no input into mom's care or otherwise. She doesn't even bother to come see her mother except perhaps twice a year.

Some people are just worried about themselves. Families are full of all kinds of dysfunctions. I look over my many cousins and because both of my parents came from large families I have loads of them. They are full of all kinds of weird dysfunction.

It sounds to me like perhaps you should try making decisions without him and see what reaction he has. Sometimes you have to change the method to get their attention. Or react differently in the past, so perhaps since he is not giving input just exclude him for a change. This is how we handle my husband's psycho ex-wife, we changed the way we reacted to her and she did not know how to handle it.

Bookluvr, I can certainly understand your fear. Me, I just almost drowned when I was 10, I prefer to feel the ground under me when I get into a pool and I can even swim a bit. I just need the ship to be big for me to get on, I can't do a rowboat or anything small like that. Sounds like you had an awful trip.

Dkjell - I went to Cairns Australia and our group took the Barrier Reef tour. I wanted to drop out but it was all prepaid and mandatory. I took the ginger pill because I've never been on a real boat/ship on a real ocean. Sigh...The minute the ship moved, I was seasick, motionsick, whatever...I was so disoriented. I was on deck and the waves were splashing me. So, I wanted to go to the middle of the deck. And found out that I couldn't stand up! So, I started crawling on my hands and knees, dragging my bag with me. This lady was lying on deck sleeping/tanning. I said, "Excuse me." When she opened her eyes, I said, "I'm seasick and can't stand up. I need to get to the middle of the deck. Can I go over you?" She actually nodded! So, I literally crawled over her, sat beside her and did my best Not to Look Up! I spent the whole one hour boat ride (well, felt like an hour) shivering, wet and needing to pee really really badly. Good thing I had my books with me. I pulled out one and read it the whole time. I did the underwater submarine thingy. Then the return ride back to land, I decided to spend it belowdeck. I tell you! That was much much better than being above deck! I still had to read the whole time, but it wasn't as bad as above. I swore after that tour to never ever go on a boat, ship or cruise.

Margeaux, your brother is a loner. He has no interest at all about these family meetings. I mean really, when you have it, do you really get anything out of it? Look at the example of you all agreeing no surgery for mom. Then sis goes and does it without telling you all. So, why the need for meetings? It's a waste of time. It's like the saying, you can drag a horse to the water trough, but you can't force it to drink. Your brother has no interest in things, so why do you all try to force him to "pretend" to do so? He had a child. He showed no interest. Not Everyone has a heart or could be a mother or a father. I never wanted children since I was age 19. When I had a hysterectomy due to medical reasons, I was worried that I might have been fooling myself that I wanted no children. (I spent weeks of research on my medical problem, the solutions, etc..Hyster was one of the solutions. Read enough info that a lot of women Regretted not having children After they had the hyster.) I'm glad to say that I did NOT feel any remorse or sadness that it was taken out. Whew!! But just because I never wanted children wouldn't stop me from caring for them. Your brother may not have that "paternal" instinct in him. ...Or...your mom spoiled him rotten and he has grown up only thinking of himself. Hard to say....

What kind of dysfunction is this?
I have a brother, who doesn't seem to react, interact with many things regarding the family. He's the youngest amongst we four siblings. He is rather on the spoiled side, too, by our mother. For example, he had a daughter many years ago when he was only 18 yrs. old. He basically got this girl pregnant, a first girl friend. Because of some lame pressure by our mother at the time, he did marry this girl and they had a daughter. Of course by a year and a half later he was talking of divorce of which they did a short time later. Throughout his daughter's childhood, he really didn't look out for her. It was always my mom (grandmother) who posed as the mom on weekends my brother was supposed to be taking care of the daughter as a result of a custody arrangement. This has been the pattern with my brother throughout all of his daughter's life. She's now approaching 40 yrs. old. They really don't have a real relationship.

Now with my mom's ALZ, whenever issues between siblings have surfaced, this brother never has any real input regarding what's going on. He does show up, as when we've decided to meet to discuss something, but never really has anything to say. He behaves as if he can't wait to get out of the meeting, is the best way to describe his behavior. I'm wondering what kind of category would he fall into, if anyone knows what to call it? He is also a quiet guy by nature. Margeaux

Bookluvr, thanks! I believe caregivers are Angels right here on earth! We all have good days and bad days, but we have earned our wings!

The ship does not even feel like you are on water! It is like a small city! Just so you know I am afraid of drowning as well, but I do love cruising as does my mom.

I created a monster when I took my parents on a cruise for their 50th wedding anniversary. If my dad was still alive he would be addicted too! My mom loves to go and the interesting thing is that it helps with the Alzheimer's moods.

So I will be checking email and I will have internet access, even though we are traveling and cruising, I still have to work. Someone has to earn money and I am fortunate that I was able to build an online working career before mom needed me. So I will be working while on the cruise, but it should be a great time.

Stay strong and have a very blessed day!!

Dkjell, I'm glad that you got it all covered. I've read a lot of sad and betrayal done by siblings via POA. It seems you covered everything. So, you all go enjoy your trip! When you feel the most calmest and relaxed state of mind, emotions and physically - think of us, and give us a silent salute. I would be green of envy if I was not terrified of water (drowning) and jealous that you're on a cruise. Go have fun!!!

Bookluvr, actually they cannot stop mom from having any surgeries with the financial POA. My mom has medicare and supplemental insurance which both have a copy of the medical POA that I have. I hold the medical POA which means anything in regards to her health and well being is up to me. I have notified them all already.

In regards to her finances, I am listed on her checking as is my oldest sister. I am listed on the house mortgage that they can discuss it with me. Mom changed that years ago when I began paying on her mortgage to help her out. I have most of the bills set up in ebills that come to my email addresses. My sisters do not have the logins for any of the bills I pay online.

So really for right now I am in pretty good shape with the finances. My older sister and her husband like to take credit for the work, but not do the work. My older sister's husband frequently talks about how much he did and does for my mom, but in fact he does nothing really.

Also I forgot to tell you my mom won't do elective surgery. Mom broke her leg almost 2 years ago and it is not going to heal. The doctor told her he could do surgery to put pins and a plate on it. Mom told him on several occasions that she did not and would not have the surgery. And this surgery plus recovery would have been covered, but at her age going to under is scary, so she isn't about to do surgery unless it is absolutely necessary. I also think she was afraid if it healed she would have to go back to living alone.

My husband and I have spoiled her because we take her shopping, out to eat, and traveling like when my dad was alive. My older sister and her husband didn't do that, so I think she didn't want us to leave. I know my mom pretty well and I think she enjoys having us around way too much. When my husband and I have a fight, she sides with him no matter what. I think my husband reminds her of my dad and because we take her so many places. I mean we take her a lot of places.

Right now we are going to be gone for 3 weeks, we are on our way to Tennessee, Florida, a cruise and whatever we want to see on our way back. We have all sorts of things we plan on doing.

But when it comes to the POA, I am in pretty good shape. I am also happy that I have somewhat of an ally in my younger sister, who visited this past weekend. She decided she would care for mom so my husband and I could have a break. She spent a lot of time with mom, she was exhausted when she left. :-)

Lwentanon, my mom has a will and it states that everything is to be sold except the specific items listed in the will. My mom has a lot of family items we do not know about if mom wants someone to have something she should give it to them now.

You have to follow the will, my sisters and I all agree that mom should go through things to give us things she wants us to have that are not listed in the will. Plus this will prevent less fighting later on.

You see I live in a 5th wheel, we do a lot of traveling with my mom. So most of the time if I need something I take it out of my 5th wheel and use it. I have all of my own things so I don't really need mom's stuff.

Sadly, I do know my rights and right now I hold most of the balls in my court. If my sisters want to give me too hard of a time, I am the one they will have to go through. I am the one that can put mom in a nursing home and if did they would have no inheritance at all because everything would be sold including the house, they would get nothing. Medicaid would take any profit for mom's care.

Years ago, I wanted them to put all of our name's on the title because you typically have to have them on there for anywhere from 3 - 5 years depending upon the state to protect the house. My sisters refused to listen to me, so now the house would be lost.

My sisters don't want mom's money because she doesn't have any. My mom's monthly check does not cover everything. In fact, I pay for everything that her check does not cover. One of my sisters will buy mom underwear and one will give me $100 once a month every now and then, but I pay for the house and much more.

I have some ideas on how I am going to get my money back from home repairs but I have to speak with an attorney to make sure they are possible. So right now I hold the power, not that I want to throw that in their face.

Dkjell - you can always change the current POA to a new one. The one that gives YOU control of your mom's financial/assets. I've read enough horror stories here. Best one is Guardianship via the court. Siblings cannot "borrow" mom and change the POA back to them. I would not look down at the person holding the financial POA. If your mom needs elective surgery, and sis with financial POA says it's unnecessary, then your mom will not do the surgery unless you (yourself) pays for it. It's only useless if your mom has NO money at all.

The POAs never wanted to take care of their mother they just wanted the power to be able to sell her house and throw her out. They were always in her house, because I lived on the second floor and could hear them, but I am not family, I am just her caregiver.

Of course if your Mom has her own house why does she have to get rid of her things now? She is still very much alive. POAs can sell the house and so much more. Find out your rights!

They would come in looking for her money, she always had some in the house. in the end we found out they had POA's to sell the house and kick everyone out, even though the one true son, who had put the new kitchens and bathrooms in on both floors and the new electric, well the POAs went in to court, acting like we were freeloaders, even though they knew we were her caregivers, they still ____ us. Does the title have you and your Moms name on it? If the home is in her name, you might be out of luck.

Bookluvr, it depends upon the type of POA, who's home it is and whether or not they are competent.

There are many different types of POA's. I hold the medical POA, but some sister has some silly POA that a social worker told her was not good for much other than financials.

There are durable POA's and more. It just depends on the type and the parent. You see my mom said no she didn't want anyone in her home while she was gone, but my oldest sister just cannot say no. Then we had a leak in the bathroom that created a safety issue, so for those reasons I changed the locks.

Like I said my sister is a control freak in a weird way, but she is also very lazy.

If you have a certain situation, you want to determine if the person you are caring for is competent to make decisions. My mom depends upon the day with her Alzheimer's. Some days mom is on her game and other days she isn't. So right now I have been providing the POA for the future or when necessary.

Lwentanon, my sister has control issues with laziness. She wants to think she is in control but she does not want to do anything. I have the medical POA and currently pay the bills.

My sister drove mom around for 12 years because of mom not having a driver's license and during this time she gave everyone keys. Since I have come into the picture, I have changed things.

I find some of these behaviors very rude and I won't tolerate them at all. I am the bad guy, always am. At times I get tired of being the bad guy, it was far easier to do when I was not living with my mom. Most of the time I deal ok, but sometimes it gets a bit much.

My mom doesn't want people to take the keys because of my siblings taking things out of the house without her permission. When we are at her home and not traveling in my home, mom goes through things to give them away now versus later. I am trying to get mom to understand that now is the time to part with her stuff and not later.

Family is an interesting thing, I am caregiver because of my mom and an agreement I made with her. I do it because of her and for her. My caring for my mom preserves her home that I have been paying on for about 14 years now to help her out. My sisters did not listen to me about mom's house and listened to a poor attorney. I knew the law because I had already consulted some friends that were attorney's but they didn't listen to me. So if I was not caring for mom, she would be on Medicaid, her home sold and her in a nursing home.

When my dad passed away and in his final days, I learned and knew this would be set in life. I saw how my other siblings behaved and knew very much who my mom would lean on. I am the most independent child of the group that has always stood my ground and went for the sky. I wanted more out of life, so I took a very different path. I am the black sheep because I went into management and got an education. I am ok with that, but I knew this is where I would be.

It is interesting reading on this board because all families have a certain amount of dysfunctionality to them if we are willing to admit it. The degree of dysfunctional is where it is at.

But I agree with you, if you do not live there you don't need a key. I believe it was my sisters that were out of line and rude. I even told my oldest sister that I don't have a key to her home, which is the right way for things to be.

It was an interesting conversation and now the next few weeks will be interesting.

Does POA really allows them access to the home?

Dkjell - Hopefully the new locks will keep them out

Siblings who do not live in the building, should never have keys to Moms house.
The fact that they do signifies their self-entitlement to their mothers home, which if she is not there, they also should not be.

Anybody who is objecting to your request, is suspect, to I wonder what else they think they are entitled to do, did they forget, it is your mother's home???

If you do not have POA, perhaps one of them does and has not told you???

In our case, the (POA's) kept taking their mothers keys to make copies for themselves, but we did not know they had POA.

Well today, I started off my day with a fight with my oldest sister, she did not like the fact that I was changing the locks on mom's home. We were going out of town and I did not believe it was right for my oldest sister to allow other family members to come into mom's home while we gone. My mom even said she didn't want them in, but I know my older sister she cannot say no to anyone.

There is a leak in the bathroom that I will address upon my return but I couldn't afford my older sister to allow 8 to 10 people in mom's home.

I was honest with my older sister that I was going to change the lock and she expected a key, which would have defeated the whole purpose. This morning I told once again I was not giving her a key, she told me that what I was doing was wrong.

I informed her direct and politely that I was not wrong, but the way I was being treated was wrong. I told her that mom and I said no one should be in the home and that should be enough, but I told her that I can't count on that fact. I told her that I deserved to be treated better than I was being treated. I told her that I had feelings too and no one ever thinks about my feelings or how I am treated.

So I put it all on the line this morning. Now we will see how it goes because this is the first time in years that none of my siblings or family members have a key to mom's home. I have someone checking the house several times a week, but they are not family and they are in the neighborhood.

Over the years, I have learned to pick my battles wisely and this is one I felt like taking on. Sometimes you just need to unload on the family and tell them the truth.

My mom didn't have an issue with it. Mom said it would give her a break and she wouldn't need to check on it. Thanks for letting me share.

I would advise anyone who comes from a dsyfunctional family who is considering allowing parents to move into their home,,, DON'T. Out of guilt, pity or sometimes I don't know what, I agreed to move myself and my elderly mother into a new home. She has done nothing but make critical remarks, talk down to me, belittle me , and generally treated like a 10 year old. I have tried to be respectful to her, but today, I couldn't do it anymore. She has gotten to me. After being belittled again, I lost it. I told her she has until the end of May to get out of my house. She says it's me who has the problem!! She has always been a bitter and not so nice person, my sister and I were physically and verbally abused as children, and the verbal abuse continues. My sister has not spoken to her in over 5 years. I just wish I had been wiser about this situation,, I let my heart get in the way. I intend to follow thru with my plan of her moving out, I can no longer do this. Thank you to everyone on this site, and bless all of us!!!

Called Mom this morning. She had showered, washed her hair, and Andrea was puttling rollers up. The PT is coming this afternoon and she wants to look nice.
Mom said the pain is ever so much better. I think her attitude is really good.
Yeah Mom!!
So very glad!!!

Glad your mother had a better night. Let's hope she continues to get better and better!
I've been calling Mom all day but the phone has been busy. Finally left a messaage with her PA, Andrea. I suspect Mom had Andrea take the phone off the hook while trying to get some sleep. Her hospital bed in on the middle level of her house, living room, kitchen level...so she may just want some peace and quiet. Mom really dislikes talking on the phone under nearly all condidtions. All my siblings and Mom's neighborhood friends were in and out of the house yesterday. Knowing her, she is just fine and dandy. But, I do with Andrea would call to let me know.
Oh, I know all is fine.
Gotta smile because I'm sure my mom was just as anxious about me when I was the newborn home from the hospital. "What goes around comes around!"

The up and down during the night is miserable. Hope the pain meds will help her even more tonight.
xxoo, Bonnie








1

Mom came home a day after her surgery. She had a very bad first night.
My sister said that she got up 8X's to use the bathroom. It was a big struggle for her to get up out of the bed because she had lots of pain. So then, my sister had a commode, (porta potty) probably from when our aunt needed this equipment, last year. She set it up right next to mom's bed. Mom apparently put up a fight about using it. But my sister had to put her foot down, because she was up all night long.

The next morning, my sister discovered a pill on the floor next to mom's bed.
Ay!! It happened to be the pain pill mom was to take for pain. This is probably why she didn't sleep. So I advised, that my sister really make sure mom's put it in her mouth, if she needs a pain med.

Last night she only got up 1X, now to use the bathroom. My sister wants her to do this to get a bit of exercise.

So we will se how it goes with her.

Margeaux