The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

Today was the private viewing for family only. It was from 12:00noon- 2pm. As you know older sis was in charge. We had agreed that we would try to get father ready to go by 12:00noon. We had all the boys on hand. Then SIL called and I answered baby bro's cell phone. I could hear oldest bro telling her in the background to tell us to go to the funeral home (this is about 10am.) And that when we leave, father will change his mind and decide to go. Bro said that he will go and pick up father. I relayed the message to all siblings here. Majority of us wanted to take him now with us. But older sis overuled us. So, before we left, but promised father over and over that we will come back.

We arrived at the funeral home around 11:40am. As I was passing by oldest bro-of-next-door talking to older sis (in-charge), I heard bro tell her that he was not going to bring dad over. I was shocked and continued to walk. I quickly went to fave sis and told her what I overheard. I whispered to her that oldest bro tricked us. That he’s not going home to bring father. Sis quickly told her hubby. Then we had to start the rosary. It ended at 1pm. At 1:15pm, we decided to go get him. We all sped on the wet road to the house, rushed in, told father that he’s going and that mom looks beautiful. He was ready to go. My niece who stayed behind told me on the way to the funeral home, that father said that we should have taken him with us.

We siblings were so upset with these events. So many things occurring in which older sis (the one in charge) disregards the majority (all us 7) to listen to oldest-bro or SIL. As for me, I don’t really let it bother me until today with father. Like baby sister (so upset her voice shook in anger) said – this is father’s Wife, he Loves her, he took very good care of mom all these years…and we were not going to take him to her viewing? She couldn’t believe oldest bro was going to do that. She couldn’t understand how he thought to get away with it. I replied – Simple. When people ask, he will just tell them that father did not want to leave the bed…..Her mouth fell open and then she was angrier than before – because it’s plausible and believable. Sigh…. I’m soooo tired. Emotions ran high today.

Margeaux~Thank you. You are right, there are times where I know I post things (others too) that don't have anything to do with the dysfunctional theme. For me, it is because I am most comfortable on this thread. It is a work in progress...very true. I agree with you and your sister about stimulating someone who sleeps much of the time. Very difficult to do. My dad slept a lot during the day...in front of the tv. Mom took him to adult day care 2-3 times a week for a few hours. When you are with someone 24/7, making time to actually sit with them for a couple hours doing activities is very difficult when you have yard work, laundry, house cleaning, working from home on the computer, and all the myriad of other chores to tend to. Yes, my sensitivity to what people say to me about something is all due to the my dysfunction because I read too much into other peoples words It is a work in progress and one I have to sometimes just ignore what others say. Blessings to you and hugs!!

Sharynmarie,

How are you doing? Well I read you last posts, and it brought to mind when my sister said that the last time, she took mom for a check up to her doctor. My sister was asking the doctor about possibly cutting back on some medication for mom because as I've written previously that she's sleeping way too much. The doctor told my sister, that she (sister) has to stimulate her. But then my sister tells me, "How they heck do you stimulate a person who is always sleeping/"
She also said, that it's easy for the doctor to say these kinds of things and I totally agree with her. All they do is prescribe, diagnose. But they don't live with the person, so they have NO CLUE! Sometimes I really feel that as a caregiver if one hasn't walked in those shoes, most everyone else can give you is ideas, theory and all of that. Each shoes are so individual also!

It's normal to feel whatever you are feeling. Remember, again because I'm feeling sometimes on this thread, that we're kind of straying from the "Dysfunction," theme, if you know what I mean. You're absolutely brilliant, and I know you are doing things from your big heart. We've been communicating now here for a little over a year, so I feel I can really say this to you having read many of your postings and how you've handled many of the issues that you've faced.
I've have seen you grow, and I know you have done a lot of work to get here.
Remember, that this whole situation about dysfunctional families is a work in progress, I know for me it always is, and will be.

Glad to hear that your sister and family will assist you with the move when the time comes. Trust. You're in my thoughts. Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Thanks Sharynmarie, My brother is "on top of it all" including the Elder shower and tubs...plus change of sink handles so on...
And yes, he has spoken with the PT and no doublt when Mom is at the rehab they will be able to give further advise. So very glad we have Andrea, the PA, she is a godsent!
I can't remember where I read Mom wont be taking a bath, shower only.
Thanks for your concern and tips!
When will you be moving your mom? So glad you are not doing it alone!
Bonnie

Bonnie~$20K for the stair climber better than the 75K. Wow, I didn't know it would cost that much but safety is a priority. Have you checked out those tubs with doors. I have seen them on TV but I don't know anyone who has one or if they are helpful once installed. You might want to talk with the PT at the rehab for some info on that. I would think they would have some suggestions. Good luck on your search and I hope your mother recovers quickly.

Bonnie~My mother is sweet as pie to people outside the family. She just doesn't trust family members, it all goes back to her family of origin. My sister and I have checked out 3 senior living communities. One community we went to sent out a red flag for us because they were willing to move mom in without us having DPOA. We can't use our DPOA until mom has been confirmed as incapacitated which a neurologist and her PCP have given us statements in writing. This Thursday we have an appt. with mom's elder law attorney. We will give him these statements and he will work for us to get a conservatship. That is how he and mom set everything up. I am hoping he will agree that we can at least use the DPOA to get mom moved for safety reasons. I worry about her hurting herself plus she is not eating regularly even with me going over to make sure she has a meal when I am there. I agree that in the beginning, we may have to stay away for up to a month so she get acclimated. I will not be the only one moving her, my sister will be with me and my nephews will take her furniture in their trucks and get things set up for us. I say she will blame me because she blamed me when we went to her 2 1/2 years ago telling her we thought she had dementia and needed to see the dr. about it. We hardly spoke or saw her because of her verbal abuse, then in 2012, by August she was having trouble with her finances...paying bills on time,etc. We reported her to DMV as an unsafe driver in Sept. and she declined very rapidly since she lost her license. I live 5 minutes away and have been going over daily since October. She sees me the most so I am guessing she will lash out at me the hardest as it seems the caregiver takes the brunt of an elderly persons negativity. In California a judge has the final say as to whether someone is legally incapacitated and our DPOA's require that before we can make decisions. Thanks for the info, I will read it. I am sure there are some great tips!! Hugs!!

There is an article in the April 2013 Reader's Digest about 50 things to look for in nursing home care communities (note, new word for nursing homes). I think you can find it on line at readersdigest.com 4/13 50 Secrets a Nursing Home Won't Tell You by Michelle Crouch. In the section :Make A Room a Home, they give some tips on making the person feel more at home. # 38..."It's a good idea not to visit for the first two weeks, especially if your relative has dementia. Just call, or write a letter if you want to. That gives her time to build relationships with the staff and other residents and get used to the fact that this is her home. Otherwisem, every time she sees you, she'll think she's going home, and when you leave, she'll get really upset. It ends up taking longer for her to adjust."

You might want to find that issue on line or at the grocery store. Lots of good ideas/tips.
Update on my mother. She has to have a blood transfusion due to her near anemic condition today before the hospital will release her to rehab. Also, some reason they want to do a CAT scan. Again, before she is released.
The decision of the elevator and/or stair climber...Elevator must go on the outside of the house and estimated cost of $75K and will take 6-9 months to get it done with all the approvals, etc. So, the stair climber is "only" $20K and that takes 5 weeks.
The stair climber won.
Now to find out more about bathtub to showers!

Who says YOU have to be the one to take your mom to the new resort? Maybe get a letter from her doctor which tells her he has determined it is unsafe for her to live outside the "resort" or whatever it is? That she cannot live alone.
If she is going to be abusive to you verbally or otherwise, don't take her alone. Maybe the "resort" can come with you or come and get her w/o you?
If she is abusive to the people in the "resort" they will kick her out. She has to learn she cannot treat people badly. Maybe it is just her children who get the wrath? What a shame as she is missing out on opportunities to enjoy her grandchildren.
Let me know what you decide to do. Bonnie

Bonnie~Thank you for your kind words. No, you are not a "daughter like me" just because you don't have your mother living with you. If I remember correctly, you said your mother lives some distance from you. Your siblings are closer to your mother logistically. I work with two people who have their parent/parents living with them. I admit I am sensitive about it, but I don't feel guilt because they don't understand my situation. I forgave my parents a long time ago, though I had to set boundaries around our relationship and my children. My sister and brother on the other hand have not forgiven mom. I also had therapy, they have not. Thank you for letting me vent because I know when we place mom, she is going to spew all kinds of venom and it is possible she will blame me the most because I am closest to her. I am prepared to deal with it by not visiting to much in the beginning if necessary. I will continue to advocate for her so the she is well taken care of and has what she needs to be comfortable. Hugs to you!

On a brighter note, today we had a down pour of hail that covered rooftops like snow. The parking lot at work was not only flooded but piles of hail were all over. My windshield wipers were completely covered over. This doesn't happen here very often so everyone at work and in the store were out taking pictures, Lol!! Have a good night!

Ouch...Sharynmarie, am I supposed to feel bad that I'm now a "daughter like me"? It never crossed my mind nor my mother's to come live with me!
If there were a financial issue, then I can see the kids chipping in for the cost of a place for mom...But it sounds like your mother is $$ okay and can afford this luxury. Don't dump guilt on your your halo. You are a wonderful daughter to a not so wonderful mother. And, forwarning, don't go over there frequently as she will become accustomed to just your company rather than mixing in with the others living at the resort. Once a week is enough. Let's hope she has a nice personality and will make friends.
My point is I don't know anyone (except my neighbor) that has in-laws living with their family. (and my new neighbor is already unhappy with her daughter and SIL).
Most importantly Sharynmarie is for you to feel alright about this move to the resort and stop feeling that you need to justify or explain away your feelings of guilt. Phooey...
My thought is to avoid people, places or things that make me feel bad about myself, guilty of the damned if I do and damned if I don't situations, and/or makes me sick to my stomach.

Remember, you can't make someone love you and you certainly can't make someone happy if they are bound and determined to be miserable.
As Easter is about Redemption let your wrongs be forgiven and those who have wronged you, too.
one more "daughter's like me" who think I am just fine and dandy!
Bonnie

Margeaux~When my dad had Alzheimer's he never made accusations either. He was very sweet, docile and easy going. Since mom has a paranoid personality disorder, I think having Alzheimer's makes her personality worse. I can handle her accusing me because she has done that all my life. Her safety and well being is my concern. She is not thriving at home even with me going over there seeing to her meals, etc. Hugs to you and have a Happy Easter!!

It's not just the "unfair financial accusations". It's also all the years of abuse as a child and adult. Her paranoid personality disorder has ripped my family of origin into pieces. My sister and I are the only ones willing to "see to her care". She is legally incapacitated due to Alzheimer's and can no longer take care of herself and cannot live with me because my marriage, physical health, mental health comes first...I learned that after 4 years of intense therapy. People who were not raised in this type of family really have no clue how it affects you for a lifetime. Should she have a choice in this...certainly if she was not incapacitated, however, she did have choices over the years...choices that drove her family members away. I struggle with this decision only because of the stigma society places on "daughter's like me" who choose their mental well being over continuing to be abused. Hey, what do I know...I only lived it.

Sharynmarie,

Thanks for explaining about your mom's family. I do understand, when you've described them as being, "remote." At first I just thought originally you meant as they lived far from you, which I know they do. But do you mean they really don't initiate the contact with your mom's side of the family over the years?

Oh, this friend who relieved the wife that day for my husband's sick friend is a wonderful friend also.

I couldn't help but laugh at your description of your mom barricading herself!
So the accusations are in gear? This is interesting, because we have not experienced this kind of behavior with mom. But this also goes to show you how individual each case of Alz/Dementia manifests.

The Assisted Living resort sounds like quite nice. I'm very happy that you have found it, and that she can take her poodle with her. This is a big plus!
Well Sharynmarie, I wish you the very best as to how you will be dealing in telling your mother about the Assisted Living. From many postings I've read, I find that having the programs they offer, to stimulate someone w/Alz/Dementia is very important. I say this, because I see as in our case, the fact that my sister didn't seek this avenue out earlier w/mother has unfortunately impacted her ability to still connect someway. Of course, the situation as you remember was very tense, while the narcissistic aunt was still alive. But needless to say, I many times think that I wish something along those lines would have been done, and mom could have been going to at least an Adult Day Care, instead of just sitting in front of the TV, all the time. The caregivers do a good job, but I'm afraid they do nothing to stimulate her. So I personally do see the benefit in these programs for elders.

O.K., Sharynmarie, you and yours are in my thoughts!
Have a wonderful Easter Day! Much Love & Stay Strong! Margeaux

Does thinking someone is "stealing" par for the course with the advanced aging process? I remember my MIL feeling just awful as she took over the check book for her father (who died at 100) and often accused of being a thief. Grandpa would also tell the other siblings that she was stealing from him. It took some courage and fortitude on MIL's part to stay calm and explain to all that the "lost money" was an illusion. Turns out they never thought she would do that and just "went along with dad" as he ranted and such.
I'm just saying I find it intersting that so many of the folks on this thread have faced unfair financial accusations.
Reminds me of the divorced person who kept telling me ...I used to have...."
When my MIL was ready for a resort like retirement/asst. living place after her husband died, she choose a two bedroom unit, which cost more but it was what she wanted and what was available. She really enjoyed the place and said she should have moved years before. My husband is the eldest of 6 children and again, he is the only one that lives out of state, like me. His mom chose what furniture she wanted to move and flat out said she wanted a new sofa/couch to fit the new apartment! She had "the boys" move her stuff while she was off having her hair done at the "new" place. I just hope your mom, Sharynmarie, has a good attitude on her move. If the "resort" has assigned table seating, that worked well for my MIL. The tables were set up in 4's and great effort was made to find good table companions. Those who needed mechanical movement vehicles were aided by staff and then the vehicles were put out of sight in a closet as some folks did not the idea of seeing all these folks in wheelchairs. Interesting!
so I hope your Mom gets a good attitude and enjoys her stay with the resort.
Happy Easter! Bonnie

Appleseed1,

Welcome to the thread. As Sharynmarie has suggested to you, try to seek out an elder attorney. She's right that you do need first and foremost of all to get legal control over your mother. By doing this you and your brother would be able to start to put in place necessary living conditions for her welfare.

This must be very stressful for you and your children. It is great, that you and your brother are working together in this. Please keep us updated.
Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Bonnie~Thank you. It is very hard seeing mom struggle, she is not eating properly. I am over at her house 2 x's a day when I work and 3 x's a day on my days off not to mention taking her dr. appt., shopping, haircuts, and helping her look for things she has hidden but thinks someone stole. Mom wants to stay home but we can't allow that anymore. Her safety is a priority. We have not approached her on the move yet, not sure how to and telling her too much in advance is only going to cause her to go into hyper mode and who knows what she may do. It is not an easy decision to have her placed. However, I can tell you the place we are going to move her to is like a resort. A dining room where she can order what she wants to eat. They have a special of the day, but you can order off a menu. The Expressions program for memory impaired folks is an awarding winning program that stimulates their brain...based on expressions such as "a penny saved is a penny earned". They play music from their era...Tommy Dorsey, Glen Miller, etc. Many activities and they have live acts such as an Elvis impersonator and others that come in to entertain. They have planned trips for shopping, can take them to dr. appts if necessary. Heck, I would live there if I could afford it! I will continue to visit my mom 2-3 times a week, take her to lunch, shopping, participate in some activities with her. Plus she can have her poodle with her...a big comfort for her!! I am not saying this is going to be all wonderful from mom's perspective, but I need her to be in a safe environment because I have to work to plan for my own retirement. Hugs to you and Happy Easter.

I'd like to wish everyone a very Happy Easter. I don't know what each and everyone does on this holiday, but whatever it is, whether that is going to your place of worship, hiding easter eggs for the kids in your life, or just getting in touch with nature, I hope it's all good! Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Have you told your mother about the upcoming move? Has she been to the AL to check it out?
Gosh, this must be really hard on you. Either putting your mom in a "home" or keeping her with you...tough to deal with either way.
In reading what folks on this thread go through taking care of someone...I am in awe of each one that has such a tough situation. At a Senior Living class I took last month, the fact that caregivers die at home more than the needy person due to caregiver burn out and stress. So be kind to yourself.xxoo Bonnie

I put a deposit on a room in assisted living for my mom. They will have a nurse come out to mom's this next week to assess her. She may be able to go into assisted living until something comes available in the memory care unit. The director told me today that they have quite a few people in assisted living who are incapacitated.

Appleseed1~My heart breaks with all you are going through. I strongly suggest that you seek the advice of an elder law attorney. You need to get DPOA for your mother. She may not be incapacitated at this time but it will happen. People with Alz/dementia need routine daily. Switching living arrangements is not going to help. It will cause more confusion.for someone with Alz/dementia. My mother is taking an antidepressant that has helped a great deal with her irrational thoughts and fears. My father also had Alzheimer's, he passed in 2003. The majority of attorneys will give you a free consultation for the first visit. I don't know what the financial situation is with your mother. There is also the Area Agency of Aging that you can contact for programs that your mother may qualify for depending on her financial situation. My mother has an elder law attorney who wrote her DPOA so that we could not make medical or financial decisions for mom until she was diagnosed by a neurologist as incapacitated. That has been done. Now we wait to receive the letter to take to mom's attorney so he will work with us to get a conservatorhip through mom's estate. Unfortunately, it is a long drawn out process. Last year at this time, mom was early stage dementia. She progressed rapidly after losing her drivers license in Sept. of 2012. As a last resort, you can call Adult Protective Services to come out and evaluate your mother. I would try to see an elder law attorney first to see if you can get a DPOA written up. Good luck and keep us posted as to what is going on as i helps others going through similar situations. Hugs to you!!

Book~I am so glad to hear from you. I know your situation has been heartbreaking and stressful. I haven't sent you hugs because I didn't want to overwhelm you but you please know I am thinking about you daily. I have read your posts on the YOU thread and my heart goes to you with everything that is going on with your family members.♥

Applesed - it seems the best thing to do is get mom legally documented as having dementia. From there, the door opens to apply for caregiver respite programs (1 to 3 hrs a week), adult day care for her (expensive) or join the senior citizen group. You can also check for programs like the alzheimer organization in your area for help/advice. I think most of all, you and your family need some group support there where you get on hand advice and exchange phone numbers with one another for support. I think, if your mom needs meds, it will take a while for you to find the "right" one for her. But, I think it would be worth it if you do all these. Just take it one small step at a time. First step - doctor. Second step - phone calls. When you talk to one helpful person, ask that person if they know of other programs that you can call.

Bonnie - so sorry about your mom and the hip surgery. I hope it works out well. If your mom is able to do rehab and bounce back to her normal every day life, you're good. I hope she doesn't follow my father's footstep - refuse rehab - and is now bedridden. Unfortunately, he absolutely refuses to get off the bed - at all - not even on the wheelchair, not even to attend his own wife's funeral this coming Wednesday.

Sharyn, sorry, I gave a short laugh when I read that your mom is barracading herself. Sounded just like our mom when she was on the accusation stage. Except she didn't barracade herself. She attacked us and WE barracaded ourselves in our bedroom. =) ... FYI, prescribed meds are trial and error here. You can do a search on the top right of the meds your mom is prescribed and see how other caregiver's charges reacted to it.

Not good; after 3 months; My family is emotionally drained. We do get a break for 1 month, but then she returns. We need help in dealing with our frustrations and inabilitity to deal with an irrational person who thinks everything is fine and she has no worries. Mom is either fine and amiable to her surroundings or argues with her and gets agitated if we don't agree with her and her untruths. It is especially hard when we know the difference. My brother and I don't have POA or guardianship, so we can not legally help her, but we do the best we can. My dad passed away last June and it's just the 3 of us. My kids, ages 23 and 19 have become babysitters when we are at work. The 23 year old is mildly autistic and the two of them are like oil and water; the 19 year old has learned to adapt; after 19 years of living with an autistic sibling, he's the most sane of us all. We need help and she does too. Where do we start?

Margeaux~Yes it was hard on my mom when her sister was placed even though my mom knew it had to be done. My aunts daughter and son were not as vigilant as I am in checking on my mom. The daughter had Meals on Wheels bringing her mother food, but quite often she did not eat it or threw it out because she thought it was old. I know this because my parents went back to visit while my aunt was still living at home and my mom witnessed this with her sister. As I said before, mom's family is remote emotionally...I wonder how many of her sibs had a personality disorder??? I think at least 3 of her brothers did from what I have been told about them.

I am so glad your husband got to talk to his friend on the phone. That was really a great thing the other friend did for your husband and the man who is ill.

I just got back from my dr for blood work results (mom's and hubbys dr. too). Everthing is good but blood sugar is still a tad high which he said makes me pre-diabetic. I have to get another test in June. I have had a sinus thing going and off since last week, thought it was a sinus infection but dr. told me it is allergies. We talked about mom, he said hubby told him yesterday that mom was incapacitate. He said it will make things easier for me once we get things in place for her. I told him how mom doesn't want to take the antidepressant anymore, saying she is having side effects like she always says with all prescription medicine. I asked if I could get it in liquid form, he said no, but I can crush it up. He also said that it will not hurt mom if I give her the Namenda 6-7 hours apart instead of 12. I still think I will wait on giving that to her simply because it is going to stress me too much getting up in the morning before going to work to give it to her. I am usually up til 1-2am before going to bed and sleep until 9 sometimes 10am. I get home from work btwn 9:30-10pm. I never sleep all the way through the night which adds to me sleeping later in the mornings. Without sounding selfish of my time, I don't want to add more stress to the mix and end up skipping dosages.

Mom is slowly barricading herself into the master bedroom. Ever since hubby took her ladder, she has been targeting him, accusing him of stealing everything she hides. Today she told me he took plant food, laundry soap, and several other things. Most of these things end up being found in the master bedroom. She locked the doors to the other 2 bedrooms the other day. Her house was built in the early 60's so the doorknobs have a small hole for the key to fit into but requires a flat tip to fit in the slot inside the doorknob. I had to remove the doorknobs so we could get in. I told her if she did this again, I would permanently remove the knobs. Of course she claims she didn't do it, my hubby did. Needless to say, my patients with her has been very close to the end. I know she can't help it, but when she started accusing my husband, it brought out my mother bear instinct, Lol!!

I wish everyone a Happy Easter, Happy Rebirth, and Happy Spring!! Hang in there, even if you are only hanging from a thread...this may be the thread to pull you through!! Hugs

Bonnie~I am sorry about your mother's fall. She sounds like a wonderful mom and so mentally sharp to be writing books at 94. I agree with Austin, she sounds like the type who will recover quickly, enjoys people so she will make friends even if she only in for a few weeks. Kudos to your mom!!

Wow your mon is 94 and writing a book-she will do well after surgery most likly because she is so involved with life-hopefully she will do well in rehab and if she has to go to a NH she will find friends and enjoy activities.

Emjo,

I just want to send out a "Hello," your way! I have been thinking about you, and I hope all is well. Miss you, Much Love & LIght! Margeaux

Bonnie,

I am really sorry to hear about your mom's broken hip.
From the descriptions about her life, it does sound as if she has a wonderful life.
Even how you have described your family, it's quite a contrast to many others on this thread who come from very dysfunctional ones, and for this I am very happy for you. You will all work together to make sure that your mom remains in good hands, and continues to be taken care of. . You and yours are in my thoughts,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Sharynmarie,

You are right. My husband is quite a guy in this area. I know he is grieving.
I also think that with the recent passing of Vanilla, the cat, which w/be two mos., ago on the 4th of April, that the whole subject of passing is right here. I know he misses Vanilla, but of course being a guy doesn't show it as much. I on the other hand, do have my crying moments about it. Well, he did at least talk w/this friend over the phone, when one of the other friends was there relieving the wife for a bit. They hadn't talked even on the phone for quite some time. This I know, some what pacified my husband.

Your poor mom, with the situation about her sister. I'm sure she must have missed this communication once her sister was placed in the nursing home. Well on this point, I hope that your other relative will send her a card every now and then.

So, it appears by the changing of the guard at your deli, that not even a boss can be so smug in their position? Well you've probably heard, that for every action, there's a reaction. Well I hope that your next boss is fair, and that it won't be so taxing on you to get accustomed to. Much Love & Light! Maargeaux

Just to let you know Mom had the hip surgery last night at about midnight. She was back in her room when I called this morning. The PT and SW were there so I just left a message for my sister to call when she had time. Guess Mom is really tired as the discussion was about starting pt or to give her some time to sleep. Thanks, Bonnie

Hi all...just when I thought I "only" had my friend with early onset dementia to worry about, my mother broke her hip last night. It is so heartwrenching to be 3000 miles away. The good news is she may be 94 but is in good health. No heart attack, stroke or illness. Her right knee went out on her (it has been a problem for some time) and down she went. She tells me she was enroute to send me an email about shipping a painting to me...Anyway, the security button was pushed and the medics were there is a minute or two. Off to the hospital. I am the middle of 5 children. They all live within 45 minute drive while I'm 3000 miles away. All of us kids get along very well and they are all right on top of this fall. It looks like the surgery to pin her back together again will be in a couple of hours, then 3 days in hospital...then the social worker will tell the family and Mom what comes next. Of course, finding a good rehab place is high on our list. Any suggestions there? I put a question about that on the question page. Mom does not want to go into a nursing home but wants back into her own house. If she does well in the rehab and is a candidate for home care, an elevator will have to be put in as these three story houses are not good for folks with bad knees and broken hips! However, if she doesn't do well in rehab and must move to a nh permanently then we need to proceed with clearing out the house. In either case, I won't be needed until we see how she is doing. Anyone with any suggestions for me? I am in shock. Mom just told me how very happy she is at home and loves her house. She is looking forward to having a dinner party for the latest grandchild marriage celebration. It does seem interesting that each person I talk to about this says just about the same thing, that mom has told them how happy she is and what a wonderful life she has. Maybe that's a sign that her "expiration date" is near and she is just wanting us all to know she has had a happy life. I don't know. Anyway, I'm in tears so will sign off. You guys have become sorta friends, and I wanted to tell you this sad news. I am hoping for the best, however...she still has one more book to finish and send off to the publisher!