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@alabama - I guess you are right altough I feel that I am an only child at the moment. I do have a resentment towards him. Every time it gets bad this is when I get angry that he is not more involved with mom. He has called her twice this year. I will try and do what you say. To do the right thing and I will let you know. I will probably feel better knowing that I am doing the RIGHT thing. Thanks for your feedback. Take care/
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At 4 years old sweet an innocent a huge sledgehammer crushed me and I'm still living the hurt. My Dad walked out and left me, my mother, and my brother for a stewardess he worked with. I remember standing there and trying to get the words out, please don't go daddy. From that day on me, my family, my life have been one dysfunctional rollercoaster. I'm angry because no one knew it was there job to tell me it wasn't my fault. To this day the little girl in me still knows I must have done something wrong. "don't go Daddy, I'm sorry, I'll be better. You can only imagine what type of relationships I've had with men. Not interested in attempting another one. I remained throughout my life terrified of my Dad, I guess bc I never knew where I stood. With both parents I don't feel I ever measured up. My Dad started showing me a little repect when I took care of him the last 2 years of his life. Now my 92 yo mother lives with me and is declining and most of the time I don't do anything right. I am a daughter and her child therefore not top of the list. It's especially sad bc even if I tried to explain and talk all about the dysfunction over the years she would not get it. I just don't think she thinks deep. Her 2nd husband was an evil man and she doesn't remember all the things she went through with him. Fortunate for her she only remembers good things. Repeatedly I felt like i didn't matter. My step-father was sexually innapropriate with me and he was told nothing. i was told I couldn't wear my nightgown around the house. Nothing volumptuous about me. History of poor self esteem. i don't remember anyone ever telling me they were proud of me and now that I'm trying to give her the best care I can, it's killing me. Sometimes i pray I don't wake up. I'm a Christian and struggle why God has picked this life for me. My profession is being a caregiver and I've had enough. I would just love to have some respect through this. I'm not picky - anyone will do. My brother and I don't get along since dealing with my Dad's estate. Now he thinks I'm an idiot taking care of mom. When my mom passes on I'm sure I'll feel very quilty for not being more compassionate and patient. I feel mu life is a no win situation. I'm so sad. I've received therapy for years and I can't seem to process all of the childhood stuff. My greatest joy in life are my pets and all animals. Ya'll got any ideas. No one understands the dysfunction I went through and why haven't I gotten over it and no one but you guys understand the caregiving part. Was life really suppose to be like this? God bless you all and thank you for allowing me to vent.
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Thank you everyone for your prayers and thoughts for my brother's stepson. It is a very sad situation plus they are dealing with sil's mother who has lung cancer too.

This is my brother's second marriage which he set boundaries around because of the dysfunctional situation in our family so I do not know this young man. I have been in a few social situations when he was a teen but that is all. My feelings are still there regardless. My feelings are centered around their family and what they are all going through. Thank you all and hugs to all of you!!
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Emjo,

I'm really sorry to hear about Gary's mother. I will keep her in my thoughts.

Yes, my husband does do his share of travelling. He took the computer with him, so this is why I've not logged on for a couple of days. I was feeling the grieving, from Vanilla's passing. Interesting how an cat can provoke these kinds of feelings.

O.K., take care, Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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Sharynmarie,

I have your bother's step son in my thoughts. This is tough.

Well I'm glad to hear you finally had the appoiintment with the neurologist.
It's always good for one not to lose their sense of humor, as I see your expressed herself, in the doctor's office, how great! We do have to look at the good side of these events, no matter how small they may seem.

O.K., keep us posted, about your mother.
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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I will be so happy when all of the court stuff is over with for me. I will then be able to go far far away from the evil family members. Today I was not allowed to call my parent to wish Happy Valentine's Day. No calls No visits. My parent misses me, asks people to sneak her out of the house to see me. I have now taken my battle to the state level. Even people who are adjudicated incompetent have rights. If it takes the state to help, so be it. It is just sad to come from a crazy family and now the whole world knows about the insanity. Really stupid, stupid. I do have to laugh, because if evil sibling's spouse wants to claim sibling incompetent, all that would have to be said is "Well the parent was incompetent, so it was inherited."
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@Lavender, it seems you would want to set a good example and keep your sibling updated. I make sure I do the right thing. In the past when my parent was ill, my abusive sibling was kept updated always.
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Might try Holy Basil for sleep. Its from the health food store.
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♥♥♥ Happy Valentine's Day, everyone! ♥♥♥

Do something loving for yourself today! :)
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Finally fell asleep around 3 am and woke up a little past 7. That is not enough sleep. I will be glad when my doctor calls me today.

Happy Valentines all!
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I'm Cmag...I know how frustrating it can be when you cannot sleep. You just lie there and try NOT to look at the clock because every time you look at it - the time is moving so very slow. And you just lie there and resent Everybody who is sleeping and you cannot. And your mind is so active and not one bit sleepy....With all that said, I'm so sorry Cmag - I laughed at your reply comment to my hoping you get sleep.
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Thanks Book, I'm still awake. Just could not fall asleep.
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Ohhh..not familiar with bipolar. I hope you do get to sleep!
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book, I don't think it is old age at 55 for I've been up to like 3 or 5 gone back to bed and slept till 8 or slept for a very long time.

One night, I could not get to sleep until around 3 am and I finally got to sleep and slept until past 1pm. I don't even feel tired tonight and I've been u[ 24 hours straight without even a nap. I don't think it is the addition of the thyroid med.

Now, if I can't sleep for two more nights straight, my psychiatrist is going to say that I'm entering a manic state of my bipolar disorder. I don't feel manic. I still feel depressed and am irritable, plus some parts of some days I have more energy to do things than others, but I can't wind down enough at night to sleep for my brain keeps thinking about random things. It is very important for people with bipolar disorder to have a stable sleep schedule and right now mine is off the hook!

I am going to try to go to bed and fall asleep.

Happy Valentines everyone!
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Cmag - do you think one of the medications is giving you insomnia? Or maybe one is too strong? It's difficult to say. Can't be the Mrs because on your updated posts, the Mrs has been improving (walking-wise). And you have cut back on AC. So something else is triggering it....Then again, it could be old age. I read from articles that when we get older, the less sleep we need (Ha! That doesn't apply to us caregivers!) And that the older we get, the more we do NOT sleep as long as we used to. For me, insomnia is due to stress, not wanting to face tomorrows, medicine taken too close to bedtime, and drinking coffee in the afternoons. I hope you figure out your cause....

Joan, I'm doing fine...still getting up several times every morning to suction mom. She now chokes on her saliva even though I have her on the side. Her tongue kindof sticks out and blocks the passage of the saliva from the mouth out. I hope you're also hanging in there all in one piece. Later...
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Hope you get more sleep soon. cmag. That must be very hard ti take.
(((((((hugs)))))) Joan
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Just dropping by to say hi. I've had the worst time going on to sleep when I go to bed between 10 and 12. I'm not able to go to sleep until hours later on. This has been going on for a week or so and last night I did not sleep at all. I've called my doctor about this and expect her to call me back tomorrow. I've taken a step-back from AC due to some post triggering my own unresolved feelings. Thus, I've also been spending more time than usual in my "man cave."

Prayers, hugs and love to all.
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alabama - I am so sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you. This is why I do not tell my brother anything, He does not call or come by and just make promises. Take Care
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Thanks everyone. I have had no news about Gary's mum, but at least was able to leave a voice mail message on his cell phone today.
Sharyn - you are right - having both Gary and his dad in tears within a couple of days of one another did tug on my heart strings, They are usually stoic, and hold in emotions. However, I am glad they both felt safe enough to cry in my presence. It is a healthy outlet. I was most surprised at Gary's dad, as I have had so little contact with him, but at the same time pleased that he trusted me that much. Now he knows he can call anytime.
book - I think Gary is very stressed - guys like to take control of things, and these things can't be taken control of. I suspect he did go to see his mum, but, book, I cannot make that decision for him. She knows he loves her - he has been there for her and his dad many times - more than the other sons. They have a good relationship. His mum and dad accept me - the problem is really with the ex who controls the kids, but I can't do anything about that, so I have had to let it go.
I am at peace about, and will hear what is going on in due time. He has so much coming at him over work right now too. Major overload in many areas, I don't want to be an overload for him too. He, as I think with many other men, often needs to be left alone to deal with stress. Other times he will talk the hind leg off a donkey, and I listen. ;)
((((((((((((alabama))))))))) I am so sorry for the outcome and that you are going to have to keep dealing with this. I thought that there was a recomendation for someone out of the family to have "custody" - probably not the right term. It seems so wrong on many levels. I am glad you are appealing. It was not what your mu wanted at all, was it? (((((((((((hugs))))))))) keep in touch.
Hi to everyone else -hope you are doing reasonably well.
mywitsend - I bet you are enjoying the peace
susan - hope you have a place and a date for your fil to move out
margeaux, cmag, austin - how are you doing
mother is quiet, which is probably the calm before the storm, but I can't let it bother me
Taking my oldest grandson out for a meal tonight or tomorrow. He has moved up here and is looking for work.Nice to think about something else for a change.
everyone - let us know how you are ♥, hugs and prayers Joan
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Just an update from me. The evil sibling won and my parent was declared incompetent. Now we are doing the appeal thing. Because my parent was declared incompetent, all of the costs for the proceedings are charged to parent's estate. This was done for retaliation. This was done so that an abusive sibling could continue their abuse of me and so that the elderly parent would lose all of their rights and be under the control of the evil sibling. The evil sibling also did an "extortion" type of demand with me....give me this, this and this, and I MIGHT give you visitation and a phone call. This case has a long way to go. But if any of you have this type of evil in your heart, STOP IT. It hurts the elderly parent, and in the long run you make a horse's patooty out of yourself. If you are the one being dealt a hand that you did not ask for, hang on, as what goes around, comes around.
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Hi Everyone! I would name you all but I was reading Joan’s earlier comments of 4 days ago…there’s a lot of you! So, ditto to you all! (Sorry, shortcut because I gave myself a curfew to be on the computer.) And I agree with you 3 how this site has helped us. I was seriously suicidal (seriously because this was IT, no longer dreaming or fantasizing about killing myself. It was the real deal) and had found this site about 3 days before. I had spent the weekend reading all over this site – fascinated with all these caregivers and their problems. I saw how caring the people were here. So, I came on and posted for help and I got it. I will always be grateful for this site and the people.

Sharyn, I’m glad of your updates on mom. The senior living community sounds great, too. I’m so sorry about your nephew (even if he is a step-nephew, he is still a nephew.) I hate cancer. I will keep you and the whole family in my thoughts and prayers.

Joan – so many things happening too much with Gary’s family these past couple of months. He must be really stressed and wondering why all of these are happening all at one time. Depending how quickly they found his mom’s heart infection, the less damage to the heart. But with her age and weakness (from old age), I guess she has an uphill climb. I know that Gary is busy with a lot of stuff and struggling with denial. But, Joan, he needs to go see his mom and tell her he loves her and make peace with his mom – JUST IN CASE she doesn’t make it. Or he will never forgive himself. I wish his family had accepted you. Because this is a time that Gary needs you. Since you’re not able to be there for him, you can do what my sis does when her hubby was deployed. Every day, she would text him that she loves him, miss him, etc… And he would text back. They’ve been married for over 10 years and they still say those word to each other…
HUGS to Everyone here!
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Joan~ I am so sorry about Gary's mother. There is something about a man in tears that really tugs at the heart. You know they are really hurting since men generally don't cry often. It must be very hard for Gary right now first in dealing with his son and now his mother. I understand how you feel in wanting to do something and feeling helpless since they are far from you. You can be available to talk when they need it and praying. You have a lot of love in your heart. I will keep Gary, you and family in my thoughts and prayers.

Take care of yourselves and many hugs and love to everyone!
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sharyn, so sorry to hear such awful news ... praying for him. emjo, praying for your situation as well. sometimes all we can do is pray. xxx
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Thank you Jessie♥ Yes it is so very sad when a young person faces and early end to their life. He has been battling cancer for 8 years now. It started in the colon. Each time it reoccurred, the dr.'s were very confident they got it taken care of with surgery and chemo, within less than 2 years it showed up in his liver. His father passed away about 2 years ago with the same thing.
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(((((((((((((sharyn))))))))))))Sounds like the neurologist is doing the right things, I am glad that the facility that you and sis toured is so nice. You are getting through this one step at a time, Also glad that your mum enjoyed the pancakes.and you had a good laugh with her.

I am so sorry to hear about your bro's step son. How horrible for all of you, and particularly your sil. You are right, you can never totally be prepared. I will keep them in my prayers.

We have a situation needing prayer too. Gary's dad called a couple of days ago, and told me that his mum is in hospital and not doing well - an infection in her heart. She had a bypass 6 years ago. She is throwing up from the meds they are giving her and cannot ever speak to her husband. Dad was in tears on the phone. Gary left town just before that to go south to see Clay, his son with the head injury who is not doing that well since the surgery before Christmas, and then has to go to BC for a week for business. I managed to get a hold of him (his cell phone is acting up) and relay his dad's message, but haven't heard anything since. I know his mum's condition will hit him hard, I have mentioned to him that his parents are old, not in great health, and could go any time, and he doesn't want to hear it. I know he withdraws at times like this, so I will have to call south to find out what is happening. He has lots of work pressure right now too. Too much all at once!

I wish there was something I could do, but there really isn't. I feel so helpless up here. I have been fighting a bug of some kind as well - nothing serious, but I need to get rid of it.

Love and hugs to everyone. It is good we have oner another - and post all you want sharyn!!! :) Joan
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sharynmarie, I am so sorry. It makes me sad when a young person faces an early end to life. My thoughts are with your family this evening.
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I know I wasn't going to say anything more...but my brother called today saying his 37 year old step son with liver cancer...is now in his lungs. The dr. has put him on methadone because morphine isn't controlling the pain anymore. Very sad and tragic, of course they are devastated even though they prepared themselves for this, you are never fully prepared. My brother was in tears, and I can only imagine how my sil must feel. They are preparing to tell the rest of the family now. Keep them in your prayers and thoughts, it is going to be a rough road for them all. Thank you.
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Hi everyone!!

I hope all is going well for everyone...mywitsend, did your mil move out over the weekend, I hope you are able to relax and get your marriage/family back normal.
Susan, So happy to hear that hubby finally realized what was going on and you now have his support. Envision, how are things going with you? I haven't really read up on everything, but I do hope you are well and getting some breaks.Joan, How is the food detection going? I hope Gary's son has some relief from all the pain. Margeaux, hoping you and hubby are feeling better health wise and regarding Vanilla. Cmag, hope you are feeling better and your wife is continuing to improve. Book, how are things going with your sister, I read you had some concerns with her smoking in the house, and now you are planning a visit from your brothers.

I will try to keep this short as I have been up since 4:30 am. The neurologist did not give a diagnoses yet. He wants an MRI on mom's brain and blood work first. Mom could not answer these questions: her age, memory recall on 3 words, could not spell world forward or backward, could not count backward from 100 by 7's (I would have to use my fingers after 86), didn't know who was president, what year it is or the month. So we wait for the result of the MRI and blood work. We went to IHOP after the appt. to give her something pleasant to focus on after the dr. visit. She wanted pancakes. I ordered a short stack for her (3 good size pancakes). I can't eat all in a short stack, she gobbled it all down, Lol!! I know she is not eating regularly, my goodness that is a lot of pancakes!! It took the dr. about 40 min. before he came in the exam room and while we were waiting, we were all quiet, then mom blurts out, "Is this what we are going to do all day!" We all started laughing, it was very funny.

Sis and I toured the senior living community. It is very lovely. Private rooms, some have shared bathrooms, some have private. It is like a hotel setting. We were very impressed. She can have her dog with her which would make the transition easier on her. We basically have to wait until we have authority to place her there and it also depends on what her LTC will cover. They have a library, computer room, laundry room, and all the planned activities. They play big band music from back in the day, pictures of Babe Ruth, Bogie and everything from the era that most of the residents remember from their younger years. The memory care unit uses the method called Expressions. It is based on expressions from the past such as "A Bird In The Hand Is Worth Two In The Bush." I could go on and on and you know I love to ramble so I won't say much more. Have a good night and hoping your week is a good one!!
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Yes, this site, the people on it, have helped me maintain my sanity. Well, on most days :)
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Yup, I echo that. Whoever started this website needs a medal, because I think it has saved a lot of us, and kept us sane. I have often questioned whether it was me losing my sanity instead of the other way round, and then I would come onto this website and read what other people had to say and think, I am NOT nuts, this is really happening.
Have a good weekend everyone!
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