notrydoyoda Posted January 2012
The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?
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- How do I deal with an emotionally needy mother who wants all of my time and attention?
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Still, there will be many layers of closing your Mom's estate and it is going to take some time, depending on how complex it is, so expect it to take at least 6 months to a year or more, so tell your hubby to settle down, it will happen when it happens.
I was lucky in the situation of our parents estate, it was pretty simple and there wasn't a huge amount to distribute. I am # 5 of 6, and my 2 brothers were co-executers and we left it to them to figure it all out. Our Dad had passed 14 months before Mom, and she passed on Labor Day 2004. Mom had made it clear to the brothers that she wanted the bulk of our inheritance to be distributed at Christmas time if possible, and any loose ends in the New Year (taxes returns and such), and that money she wanted us all to use towards a weekend away or a small trip if we could find a good deal. It so happened that our parents used to travel with an agent who put together Awesome and inexpensive travel packages and one of my sisters found one that fit the bill.
We, all 6 of us and our spouses flew from Seattle to LA where we stayed overnight in a beautiful hotel, then the next morning we boarded a Cruise Ship that was doing a boat reassignment (from Mexico to Alaska) so it was super cheap! The ship then stopped in San Francisco and then on up the Coast to Vancouver, BC, where it then began it's summer Cruise schedule for the Alaska runs.
It was Great, all 6 of us were fairly equal in the extensive care of our parents over their final few years, both of them had pretty harsh diagnosis, our Dad with PSP, and our Mom with Uterine Cancer and all the treatment and pain we all went through in caring for them, thankfully we are all very close and supportive of one another, so I couldn't be more grateful for that.
I only wish that so many of you had the support system that I had during that very emotional and stressful time, as our parents battled their horrible health problems.
Hopefully once things settle down and you are allowed your time to grieve your Mom, and a bit of time passes, you will then have the time to mend and strengthen any sibling relationships that need attention, as I have found that I need my brothers and sisters more than anything now a days.
All the money in the world can't bring our parents back, and it is nice (when possible) to receive a final gift from them to do something nice with, but it is sad when squabbles over inheritance brings out the worst in people.
I hope that things go smoothly for your sister and distributions are made that everyone is happy with. It is a huge job and very stressful if the estate isn't clear cut and people are chomping at the bit. It doesn't sound like it is this way in your family, but boy it does happen too often, and we hear so much about it here on the AC.
I know that things are very fresh and you are only beginning to grieve your Mom's passing, but try to give your sister the benefit of the doubt, and believe that she is trying to be upfront and honest, and to let you know that she is starting to work on things, and giving you the opportunity for input, this is probably keeping her up at night worrying, and remember that everyone grieves in their own way and at their own pace. ❤❤❤
Anyway, at this meeting there was discussion regarding financial matters around properties. The advisor made it a point to instruct my sister as to her fiduciary duties as a trustee. I thought it was interesting since he stressed that she needed to act responsibly and carry out trustee duties, and not as the sister. He also said something about not conducting matters driven by emotions. WOW!! That's all my sister does at times. She is efficient also, but the emotional aspect is at the forefront of everything!
It was so much information to absorb for me so soon after the passing of mother!
I've never actually read, nor had a real copy of the trust in front of me, so that I can go over it before such an important meeting. So that after the advisor said what he had to say.....he asked whether we had questions. I had one, but since I haven't read this document how can I have real questions!
I do understand my sister needed to inform agencies such as social security, the bank etc. of mothers passing right away. Anyway it's been a rather stressful few days after that. Now she's pushing to go talk to an attorney.
An added element to all of this is the fact that my husband just 2 wks. after the funeral, started to pressure me about my bringing up the inheritance to my sister
and already implying that I as the eldest in the family have every right to do so, etc. Oh that made me so angry the fact that he'd go there. It took everything out of me to answer very matter of factly that this would be done when my sister was ready to do this, since she is the one in charge. I thought this was so rude and super insensitive!
Much Love & Light!
Margeaux
https://www.herbalremediesadvice.org/dirt-therapy.html
This is the new pain management protocol, dictated by states. Internists, rheumatologist, GPs, and surgeon’s are now sending patients in pain to pain management doctors. Even for baby doses of things like amitriptyline- no drugs for pain are safe from the new restrictions. Even we grandparents with crippling arthritis, disabled persons, we are all subjected to the same demeaning protocols. It protects the pain management doctors, the physicians in other disciplines, pharmacies, making sure we do not receive one single pill that hasn’t been documented and accounted for. As this horrible hot mess legislators have handed us, everybody is now subject to this, regardless how honest and upstanding the patient is. I have been advised I have to hand carry the paper prescription into the pharmacy, straight from hospital discharge day after total hip replacement, stand in line, and wait while pharmacist fills the prescription. No spouse or other relative is permitted to do this for the patient. All Patients, no matter how disabled, injured from severe auto accident, no matter how many hours long the surgery was, no matter how much anesthesia still in the body, has to get up off the bed, walk into the pharmacy, and sign for his own prescription. And...to make it more interesting, you need to know which pharmacy you will use, as some will accept only electronic prescriptions, rendering your paper prescription for post-op pain meds disqualified if the pharmacy you go to will not accept the paper prescription. And this is the way doctors give post-op prescriptions. Walmart is now implementing the electronic prescription only policy, per GoodRX.
I'm so, so sorry for the fact that you were upon the anniversary of your dear son's passing and the feelings I'm sure it dredges up.
What a sweet story about your new little kitty and Pumpkin. So there's some jealousy going on? That is funny, and look at that! Could there be some cat dysfunction? HAAH!!
Well, you are braver than I am. That's wonderful you're willing to get on a horse.
I might be willing to do that provided it would be a slow horse. My husband loves horses, and we've been looking for a place to ride. Possibly in the near future we have planned a trip to his home country, Argentina. This is where he developed his love of horses, and I know I'll be put under some pressure to take a ride with him. So will have to work up my nerve.
I'm keeping you in my thoughts Golden,
Much Love & Light!
Margeaux
Glad, sorry to hear about DD. There were times in past I was afraid that my twisted had gotten to my son. Now she, cant use him so she doesnt deal with him.
For a long time DS had no idea and couldnt understand and I dont know how many times I gave into his pressure to get back with my sister.
I dont know you and DD realationship but sometime the enemy uses them to break us to. Make you think one thing when its not whats really going on.
What I have done and it helps is I have truly put twisted and nephew and anyone else in there league in God's Hands.
I find it so much better for me to accept that I cant make everything or anything right. Its so much easier for God too handle it. Because really its out of our hands anyway. Those narcissist twisteds are fooled into following the enemy and use every weakness and situation we have against us.
I think because I put on such a pretty stong front from pain all my life that my son has no idea of how weak, hurt and cast out I have been most of my life by my loved ones. and I think because I projected that strengh thats all he saw and maybe felt he didnbt need to pay me any attention.
I know its a little of track. But I can understand the undercurrent feelings you have and thank goodness that a higher power or more pressing situation caused you to avoid that particualar uncomfortable situation.
Goodnite to all
Sleep tight
My therapist was telling me that there are some schools of thought that we get healing walking barefoot in the dirt and grass jWell a few days before block party me and my mother were out front ppulling weeds and stuff. I felt really good afterwards.
Rays of love and light and healing to all.
Once in the ER a doctor ordered i think it was valium for a patient and after he got it he went in the bathroom and shot up and od'd in the hospital. Lots of paperwork and investigation. So maybe its for the best.
Suffering so long but now maybe things will get on point.
I hope everyone is in good spirit and lhealth.
I am not caught up and it seems ridiculous to say oh just stopping in when I write a long post.
The block party was nice. Sadly my mother did not come out. I was exhausted. I didnt even want to get up as usual on satuday but I had to get the meals on wheels for one thing and it was the day of the block party.
I did some needed cleaning the day before. I have still yet to get to the freezer. I had seasoned some chicken and ribs and made potato salad the day before. I was wondering how to handle things with my mother, knowing I could not coook on grill and watch her at the same time. Ended up that she stayed upstairs and I took the grill in the backyard. Hey its a lot of work always has been and funny thing is most of the times in past years it was me by myself trying to make something good happen for everyone. So I didnt even come out until after 3pm when I finnished grilling . Then I went out visited a few neightbors did the group dances and had a few drinks. Towards the end my mother came to parlor floor. Now I am tired and my tail is cocked from a few cocktails but I was going to sit out with her for a few. Told her to come down she didnt and while I was putting everythging a way she came down crying "I cant go anywhere" She was on my sisters floor well the top floor all day. My mother and sister being narcissists I dont know if twisted told her to stay up there or not. But they have a lifetime of being cohorts and sometimes I think her and my sister are getting karma. I am by far no angel in any way shape or form.....
I find my self realizing my limits and how much it would take out of me to keep others happy like my mother. I have started to learn to put me first.
Anyways my mother very rarely cries and very rarely even says she is sad. I have only seen it twice once when she couldnt go to church and no one was picking her up or taking her and she was very very active. (Icalled the church with a few nice words) I dida lot of work for them also through my mother who helped found and start the church.
So seeing her open up like that in pain knowing who she was I boohooed with the gut again; But hopefully in the long run she will get an awesome homeattendant and we can get her dressed and dolled up and safe and take her out and do things. Right now she is in the same clothes my twisted had her in for doctor visit. its a struggle for me to get her to take off her clothes or bathe her and I feel wrong to force her. On top of that I am no longer as strong on my feet, my leg can give away any moment or I can agraate what ever it is by straining myself with my mother. Now if there was team work if only for her behalf it would be so much different. My twisted did not even come out. Nor did nephew stop by.
Meanwhile I was feeling like maybe I am depressed because i am so tired then I come to work to learn my client will be going to summer camp for 5 days so it could be a well needed break. I sent text to nephew saying same with daates and that I would let him know for sure when I get further info. I am waiting for him to respond with the regular nonsense.
Just learned, as I was waitng for bus, that you can stream live tv at usalive tv .net. Just sharing info. Its like all the shows live on all the networks.
Pain management appointment went okay, as far as the doctor goes. She confirmed, on checking feet and knees for feeling, reflexes, I most certainly do have diabetic peripheral neuropathy with definite nerve damage. She will be coordinating my neuropathy and pain medications with the surgeon.
The downside is that I could not fill the pain medication she prescribed, as my SilverScripts Drug Plan/CVS would only allow 7 days of the opioid medication. For a lifelong medical condition, birth defect, destroyed joints from arthritis. I can get the full prescription, up to the amount state law allows, at Publix, going self-pay, and using a discount coupon from GoodRX. And for less than a quarter of the CVS 7-day price with my drug plan. The downside is that the law prohibits transferring the opioid prescription out of CVS; new prescription required. I have called the Pain Management doctor and left a message explaining what is needed. She went by the original pharmacy information in their system, which I gave them when I first made the appointment, not knowing I wouldn’t be able to obtain the medication through my drug plan. The paperwork packet I took today, signed and dated, I had put Publix Pharmacy as my pharmacy. But the front office hadn’t entered it all manually into the system, yet, so the doctor used what was previously in the system. Hopefully since they have today’s signed paperwork in the office they will update my record, and she will phone in the prescription to Publix. She may need to revoke the CVS prescription, to stay within the law. Will leave that up to her. The phone message system indicated calls would be returned same day. I, of course, haven’t heard anything back, same day.
I had to give a urine specimen to be checked for anything naughty today, as expected. Will be required to do so at every single appointment, have my pills counted, treated like a stinking street addict. I pray for equivalent painful medical BS to be visited on lawmakers and doctors who have mistreated so many elderly with painful conditions so shabbily. You guys can pray for them if you so choose. I personally don’t have any use for abusers, especially those hiding behind a title or medical credentials. Addicts will still find some way to get a high. Always have.
That mustv'e scared you silly when your's caught fire and I'm sorry that happened to you.
Could you possibly get your Rheumatologist call and talk to your other Dr? Rheumatologist could explain your situation. Sometimes it takes one Dr to talk to another Dr to get what you need. Drs will believe other Drs vs the pt. I don't know why or when Drs stop listening to their pts.
Just a thought!
I hope your appointment goes well tomorrow. Take care~
My auntie dearest asked me to go for a visit this summer,"no reason that I could not join DD and kids when they went". I wasn't told they were going until a few weeks before. Then I find out that DD is there with twisteds! Have not talked to DD in a couple of weeks now.. she knows very well I need to be low contact with twisteds. I guess she just does not understand that part.
I have to stay away from twisteds for my own mental health, I guess DD is angry with me for that, and I am hurt.
My mom's estate could have been closed out in a year. It is a ts2 thing. I think this whole thing has been very emotional for her and difficult to deal with.
Star fruit is called just that here. Googling, I found carambola. My avatar is a Jack fruit, took pic at grocery yesterday. It is sort of prickly on the outside.
Just googled durian, Jack fruit is not that. Jack fruit is closer to a watermelon in size, and not the small ones you see in the store.
Congratulations on moving forward with closing out your mother's estate.
I do remember back when you'd had that fire! WOW, five years have passed, unbelievable! That was a lot of unscrambling for you also regarding this check from the insurance company.
So it looks like closing out a loved one's estate takes rather long. I'm wondering about this because my siblings and I will at some point have to go through this.
That fruit you wrote about....so it was jack fruit? Did it by any chance have these prongs all on the outside of the fruit? Of course, I not quite sure about the jack fruit, since I've never tasted it, but thought it was in a star shape. The one with prongs on it I saw when I traveled in southeast asia, which was Durian. Boy does that ever smell bad, actually it smells rotten.
Much Love & Light!
Margeaux
Have you ever eaten the seeds. I love seeing how other cultures cook! Isn't YouTube amazing?
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=vbAn8n6ioTw
The fruits sold here are shipped from far away and still green. Some of them won't ripen and go bad hence the bad smell as would any bad fruit.
Jackfruit!
When fully ripe, the unopened jackfruit emits a strong disagreeable odor, resembling that of decayed onions, while the pulp of the opened fruit smells of pineapple and banana.
Why would anyone want to eat this?!
Fraz, now you will start getting somewhere. Best wishes on clearing and selling the house.
Golden, about seven years ago I took a week while mom and L were in respite. Roof was replaced during that time too. Constant hammering on the roof would have driven the three of us nuts.
Back to the subject, I used to ride often. Decided to take a half day ride. It had been probably thirty years since I last rode. I hurt after that ride for a week. Then compound it with a half day fly fishing trip. Everything was hurting. Good idea to do an hour!🐎🐎🐎
Duck, great APS is doing something to move this along.
Why does my kindle suddenly tell me that there has been suspicious activity on my computer? It is asking me to click the box to verify that I am human. This happens each time I try to do a search. A virus? I have never had problems with the kindle.
I have been receiving robo calls that leave voicemail supposedly from Social Security stating that they have noticed suspicious activity on my account and frozen it. Of course this is a scam, and just as I am about to turn 65? The first day I received the call, it was three times in 30 minutes. Never answered as I do not answer calls from numbers I don't recognize. Yesterday, same call and voicemail from a different number. Blocked again.
Maybe this new legislation cell providers will finally try to figure out a way to filter out these scams that come from other countries spoofing numbers.
Have a wonderful day all. Cut lawn, gotta love John Deere, last night. One less chore to do this weekend. Maybe I will mosey down to the fair for a bit today.
Google Longhorn on the loose in Colorado Springs. I would post a link, but then I would be asked by my kindle if I am human again.🐽🐊🐘🐞🐞🐑🐑🐑
Guess I am human after all.😀
https://www.koaa.com/news/covering-colorado/watch-longhorn-cow-charges-lobby-of-building-in-downtown-colorado-springs
duck - hope the block party goes well. Glad your mum looked lovely. Don't worry about long posts. We all need to share and vent.
girlsaylor - hope you are feeling better. Sounds like your prep is going well.
glad - what a relief to finally have the insurance done with.That has taken way too long. Hope your mum's estate closes as expected. Like you say - lots of things coming to closure.
fraz - so glad your little one is doing well and that you can get on with the house sale. It has been a nightmare for you. I am sure you have precious little time for yourself with all you have to do.
cmag -thanks for the good info. I believe I read Harriet Learner years ago, Good stuff. We sure do get counter moves.
sharyn, margeaux, others -check in when you can.
More thunderstorms here and the rain is welcome.
We have named 2nd kitty Rocky after a past pet but dd and I between us like Albert "the Hisser" Einstein better. He is a very bright kitten and hisses when you try to come to close. Slowly he is liking human company more and more. Meanwhile Pumpkin gets quite jealous when we give the Hisser attention. Dgs and I made a cat condo out of cardboard boxes while we wait for a proper one to be delivered.
R and I were talking about his recent trail ride with a young guy and he wants me to join him sometimes. I haven't been on a horse for many decades but am game to try again. I will start with a dude ranch, a half dead nag and a short trip to see how I manage. Don't tell me I am crazy, just wish me luck!!!
This is a difficult month - just past son's anniversary, then 9 month anniversary of mother's passing followed by 3 month anniversary of my niece, and ongoing estate stuff and planning the interment. Trail riding will be a good diversion as are the kitties and the extra company.
But it makes it harder to post with kitty pouncing people prattling!!!!!!!
Good night all. Be good to you
LIMITS AND COUNTERMOVES
Harriet Lerner wrote the NYT bestseller “The Dance of Anger” in 2014. If you look at the Amazon reviews, a number of people say the book changed their lives. It changed mine.
One thing she wrote about nobody else was addressing was countermoves, when the person you set limits with gets worse once you because they’re testing you to see if you’re really serious.
Some people think this means limits don’t work. Harriet says that’s totally the wrong way to look at it.
Countermoves are to be expected, she says, and we shouldn’t try to stop them or tell the other person they shouldn’t feel that way.
I took some notes from the ”dance of anger” and mixed them with my own thoughts. Some of this is pure gold.
EDITED FROM “THE DANCE OF ANGER” by Harriet Learner
Nobody likes having to solve their own problems and deal with their own feelings. Everybody likes to get their own way. So you can be sure that your HCP (high conflict person) is going to throw a tantrum when you set limits.
Harriet Learner, whose “Dance of Anger” sold more than 3 million copies, calls these COUNTERMOVES. A countermove can be immediate and obvious, or it can be delayed and passive aggressive.
The point of a counter move is simply to say “Change back. Keep to the status quo. I like things the way just the way they are because they are to MY advantage.”
Your HCP wants to reduce their anxiety and reinstate the old familiar patterns of fighting that keeps things the same.
They feel threatened by the new level of assertiveness, separateness, and maturity.
What you are doing is declaring separateness in a relationship that may be enmeshed.
(For more about what enmeshment means, see the bottom of this article.)
WHAT TO DO IN FACE OF A COUNTERMOVE
In the face of a countermove, our job is to 1) keep clear about our own position, 2) not to prevent the countermove from happening, 3) not to invalidate the other person and tell them they shouldn’t be reacting this way.
•••••••••••••
Learner says most of us want the impossible—we want to control not only our own decisions and choices, but also the other person’s reactions to them.
We not only want to make a change, we want the other person to like that change that we made.
We want to move ahead to a higher level of assertiveness and clarity, and then receive praise and reinforcement from those very people who have chosen us for our own familiar ways.
•••••••••••••••
Prepare yourself not only for intense reactions from others, but also for the inner resistance you will meet.
You can’t be too prepared for the power of countermoves as well as your own resistance to change.
Making decisions for yourself, or having your own opinions—especially if a loved one disagrees with you—can give you a feeling of aloneness and separateness if you are not used to it.
Just when your loved one is pressuring you to change back, you may be at your weakest. So you have to keep in mind what’s at stake: your very own TRUE, AUTHENTIC SELF.
ARE COUNTERMOVES WORTH BEING A SEPARATE SELF?
When you assert yourself, the price you will pay in the relationship, at least for a while, will likely be rough. Underlying issues and conflicts will begin to surface.
You may start asking yourself some serious questions:
Who is responsible for making decisions about my life?
How are power and decision making shared in this relationship?
What will happen in this relationship if I become stronger and more assertive?
If my choice is either to sacrifice myself to keep this relationship, or to grow and risk losing the relationship, which do I want?
WHAT ABOUT YOU?
Do you want to avoid conflict by defining your own wishes and preferences as being the same as your family member’s wishes?
Do you want to define yourself as they define you?
Do you want to sacrifice your awareness of who you are in your efforts to conform to their wants and needs?
STAYING ENMESHED
(Randi)
Today I got hair cut and colored, much needed. Wakened at 4:00 AM with the painful tummy from BAM, generally is end of sleep for me, several bathroom rounds. Since each container of the liver medication has something like 22 days worth of standard dosage of medication, and insurance expects meds to come in nice 30 day supply, I have to short every dosage enough to cover one extra week of medication. Which isn’t enough to adequately treat the condition. So, supplement with Imodium and dicyclomine. Not the most effective, but some days are better than others.
Stopped by the fresh produce stand, and got gas for the car on way home. Nothing disastrous happened today. Plumbing emergency yesterday, big fat plumber bill. I’m exhausted today, mostly from dealing with the chronic stomach troubles. But, can always be worse!
Golden, been thinking of you too. Glad you are able to have some quiet time in the mornings. It's amazing how a few peaceful moments of solitude and quiet can help your day. I try to squeeze a few minutes in too while the littles are napping or after everyone has gone to bed.
Glad, I'm so glad you are finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Happy too that the insurance issue finally got settled.
Becky, I'm sorry to hear of your brother's diagnosis, but glad you are able to be there for him to get him to his appointments.
Duck, I hope the block party goes well. Hope you are able to have fun and catch a little break from the family stress. You deserve it.
Our littlest one is growing like a weed. She will be 4 months already on the 16th, has been home now for going on 3 months. Lots of sleepless nights still with waking up and having the older little one that likes to get up when sister gets up. I know I'll miss these times though when they get older, it goes by so fast.
Good news here about mom's estate. Went to court about 3 weeks back and judge signed the order for the constructive trust giving my sister 30 days to sign the paperwork so we could move forward with the sale of the house and get the attorneys and creditors paid. I would have bet money that she wasn't going to sign them and we would end up back in court, but the attorney called me Monday stating she had received the signed papers and that the house sale can go forward.
Now the work begins as to cleaning it and getting it ready. We moved a lot of mom's stuff when she moved to the facility, so most of what's there are a few pieces of furniture, dishes, household items and stuff like decor that had been put up and stored over the years, much of which will probably be donated unless my sister wants it. Plus some of the family photos and albums. Nothing right offhand that I'd like to keep except some of the photos. Believe it or not, something I kept after mom passed that reminds me most of her in our last times together is the little lanyard that she always wore around her neck with her room and mailbox keys on it. She was always fumbling with those darn keys when we'd go anywhere. She also had a couple of shirts from a road trip she, my oldest daughter and I took together a few years back that were kind of sentimental. I laugh about it now because we drove each other nuts on that trip. But mom got to see one of the places on her bucket list, and looking back now, I am really glad we went while her health still allowed.
So lots of work ahead, but we're past the hurdles and the drama, I hope! I am at least starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel as to getting it all closed and finished.
Duck, I’m fine, but my brother is living with me. He has been diagnosed with Parkinson’s - early stage, but he can no longer drive. Some minor confusion when making appointments so I do that for him and get him there.
December was when they last sent a check. Still holding it. Thought about doing the same thing as contractor did. Nope, won't do that. Contractor e-mailed me a paid invoice, dated two years previous, in November. Finally, I forwarded that invoice to my insurance company asking them to make the check out to me individually. After a few days, received e-mail from the adjustor, they will do just that. So, finally the fire is done!
And Mom's estate will close within a few weeks. Tried to get ts2 to pay me for a year that I was not paid, and to reimburse me for attorney's fees that it cost me to get the two years of back pay that I did receive. There is plenty of funds to do that. But, she is too selfish and wanting for herself, she would not agree to do that.
Instead, after ts2 spent more than 25K on storage of mom's business assets I will be receiving all of what is remaining. She was ready to just get rid of it all, donate it, who knows. There is LOTS! Not sure what I will do with it, but will figure it out. I imagine her attorney told her that I could object to the closing of the estate in probate and she would have to personally pay the estate those storage costs. Then a can of worms would be opened.
So feeling relieved, but still kinda afraid to breathe. I will just be happy to get this all done, fire done, lots of things done in the next month or so. Holding my breath.
Well I will be off for a few days. I hope everyone is in a good place in spirit and health.
This weekend is our block party. Last weedend 1 person was shot and 11 were injured during a shooting at a similar but much larger event. So sad.
My mother was president of the block assoiation for over thirty years until last year so I feel we should represent in some way. I am hoping all turns out well. Its part of why I got flowers for the front yard. I dont plan on wearing myself out I am already tired these days with the heat and all and even though I am in a better place of dealing with the dysfunction its still stress.
I am watching this series on netflix called Bloodline. In many ways it reminds me of my family situation.
Golden I hope son's aniversary was full of fond loving moments.
Gershun, I wish your brother the best. Take care that vertigo can be some kind of bad. I hope you get some relief with meds.
I dare not tread any further, sometimes I feel like I am losing it, cant remember or retain things sometimes. But my thoughts and best wishes are with you all.
Rays of love and light to all, sleep tight.