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Joan, sorry to hear about the "crazy side" strikes back. Like you say, take a deep breath and detach. Let it go and let your sister deal with it. Hope you enjoyed the dinner theatre.
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Well. 5 hours drive and 16 emails later I need to vent. I will respond to posts later, but my mind is reeling right now.
We had a nice supper at my dds last night and decided to get a good rest and drive down today. We had a good drive and they gave us a suite at the hotel -it is lovely! Gary went to the mall and I stayed here to unpack. I hooked up to the internet, opened my email and there are 16 messages from mother - each one crazier than the last -well, maybe not quite, but you get the idea. She is mad at me because I am going behind her back and she hasn't been consulted. The truth is she has been pressing me to contact some people, I contacted a couple of them, and now she is accusing me of going behind her back.She refuses to see Gary because he doesn't understand her problems. but she will see me if I come alone, but only if I want to talk about her problems and help solve them -she can't just have a pleasant visit. She asked me if I could do something to guarantee her place gets cleaned the way she wants it, and so on. Honestly everytime I have been there it has been spotless. Guess what, I won't be going to see her. All she wants is an audience to bitch on and on about things I have heard about far too many times anyway. And she probably wants to get mad at me for whatever she can figure out. It is the old damned if you do, and damned if you don't. If I don't call these people she gets mad, and if I do call them I am going behind her back.
I need to breathe deep. I hate these contacts from the crazy side. I do find them upsetting. I am one step closer to withdrawing from POA. She asks for help then fights, and accuses when I try to help. Nothing new there, but I am gettng older, I am tired of it, and I don't need it. My sis is POA backup and she can have it.
Hi the the new people -you can see that dysfunctional fits my family well. Mother does not have dementia, but she does have Borderline Personality Disorder, and it is in full swing right now
Gotta get past this in time to enjoy the dinner theatre...
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Welcome Mythree..I agree totally with Yogi. We have both experienced this phenomena on this site. Definitely, counseling is recommended to help you. My subconscious did such an excellent job of protecting me as a child, that I have No Memories of the abuse. Me and my 2 younger sisters have no childhood memories nor do we desire to uncover it. Please, feel free to come and tell us what's happening with your caregiving. I have learned first hand, that when I vent and vent and vent, someone comes on and tells me ways to help me cope or tips on caregiving from their experiences.
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Book~Lol!! I will have to get a fan before I go back to JCP. When it is cold outside and hot in the store, I would think their employees must be sick a lot. Our temps are cool right now, a high of 51 expected today with a low of 34. I know this is nothing compared to what others are experiencing with below 0 and snow.
Margeaux~Good for you for distancing from your friend for a while. It does get old listening to the same thing. Some people don't know how to have a conversation without complaining, it's the weather or something else trivial.
Well hang in there everyone and enjoy the weekend, we have some sunshine today so it is pretty outside!!
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Mythree~I am sorry you had to suffering with sexual abuse as a child. It is the ultimate betrayal a family member can do. I do hope you were able to get counseling even if you had to do as an adult. In my family it was physical, mental and emotional abuse. It seems to be a life time of continued work for us, learning to parent ourselves, detaching, boundaries and developing our self esteem. Please come back as we are here for you. Hugs!!
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Hi Everybody,
Gee, I was so venting w/my last posts.
I forgot to mention that mom looked very cute on Christmas.
She was wearing a very stylish velour two piece outfit.
It's quite interesting to hear some of us here writing about the stages we observe w/our elders and their ALZ or Dementia. My mom was having a mellow day. But I do notice she is very firm about her dislikes about food. My younger brother who is somewhat of a teaser was trying to get her to bite on a pepper. Honestly, I wish he would not do that, because she gets heartburn. Then his wife, (pt. of the tension causer w/my sister), is such a know it all. When I told my mom, that it could cause her heartburn, my SIL, said to me, "Well, it's a sweet pepper, not a hot one." I told her, well, guess what, these can also cause it. Never the less, mom said in a very matter of fact way, she didn't want to eat it.

My mom went through that period some years ago, where she was shuffling through her junk mail. She also did this a couple of times while I was there, trying to replay her messages on the answering machine. In hindsight, poor thing, I know she was doing this to camouflage the fact about her memory being in decline. Since she was the one who was more mobile than her sister, my aunt depended upon mother for many things. Both of them didn't want to let on to the rest of us how bad off they really were, for fear of losing their independence. This was before my sister and her family had moved in w/them.
O.K., going for some more Joe! Much Love, Margeaux
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Welcome Mythree, To an extent ALL families are dysfunctional! Read this whole thread and you will see how many have problems with their families. I,too, come from a family that my bro raped me and my dad molested my sister and he had multiple affairs. My mom endured years of mental abuse from my dad and his going out on her. You are right that it wasn't talked about back then. I hope you have sought counseling for those tragic incidences. Maybe your sis was abused herself. Women who were abused are either promiscuous or withdrawn. The position you are in and have been in has made you a very strong individual. This topic isn't received real well by everyone here because they don't know what to do or say. Especially if they have never experienced it for themselves. However, they will all try to support you for having been strong and being a survivor. I understand about you wanting them to leave you and your mom alone. How does your mom feel about this? You don't mention her illness. Does she have dementia/Alzhiemer's? Have you bro and sis changed to where your mom wants to see them? Are you afriad they will hurt your mom? Please continue to post here and let us know any updates.
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Sharynmarie,
You have come a long way. I remember some months ago, you were posting when you were worried about your mom and her driver's license and test. You really have worked on detaching yourself from both your sister and mom. It takes some work on our parts, to be constantly on the look out. Well, good for you Sharynmarie, you've been able to sort whatever it is about each of their personalities, and work around that.

I'm distancing myself again from my sister. Honestly, I came home in such a strange mood after that disaster Christmas. I do not get into details about any of this w/my husband. It's difficult to share this kind of stuff w/him, because he's already noticed what a control freak my sister is, but I wouldn't want him to start to dislike her. You know that moment, w/our own siblings that a spouse might never understand, because we are the ones who've known them much longer. Besides,
my sister and husband have an o.k. relationship, and I prefer that it be that way.

Right now I've been somewhat detaching from one of my friends also.
She really started to work my nerves over w/a lot of her attitudes about her health and general well being lately. You know these kind of people who complain, and complain about something but go ahead and do really stupid things that are detrimental to their well being, then they're back at square one, complaining about it. In a nutshell, this is basically my sister also. So I'm trying to end the year on a "No, you can't complain to me right now." I mean, it's different, if it's a legitimate complaint, not just repetition! O.K., Detach, Detach, Detach, my mantra! Much Love, Margeaux
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My family is dysfunctional!!!!!! My sister started having sex at the age of 11, my brother dealt drugs to us soldiers at age 12, my father was abusive and drunk most of his life. Mom got the bad end of the deal, she had to put up with abuse, mental and physical. I was raped by my father and brother but back then you did not say anything or every one thought you weren't telling the truth. I went to a teacher to talk to him and guess what he put his hands all over me. I dislike my sister and brother to this day. I take care of my 88 year Mom and they keep asking when and how much money they will be getting. I finally told them to ---- off and leave me completely alone. I contacted an attorney and will soon learn what I can do to keep them away from my Mom and myself. Life is a bowl of cherries and I do smile every day because I have a wonderful daughter and husband who understand me and know about my past.
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Emjo,

I'm glad that your dinner with Gary and your family went well.
Yes, it's work getting these dinners together. Just having all of the ingredients, going to the store to get them in one part of getting it all together, isn't it!
How wonderful, a fireplace!

Oh!! I could tell you some stories about my husband and he keeping things forever. Really, he takes great pride in some of the things he still uses for over 20 years. I remember when we were first together, and he'd say something of the sort to me. He's kind of in wonderment also at times when some of these things fall apart. One example of this is we have our cell phones, but then he also has the landline. The phone, answering and fax machine are very old. One can barely listen to the messages on the answering machine they sound very muffled and just can't decipher the message at times. I've suggested to him, he needs a new one, but it falls on deaf ears.
Yes, I also was doing some what I call hard cleaning, like doing the kitchen floor.
I'd like to do the living room floor, however this is another aspect of the diff. between the husband and myself. He has certain items in these areas that tantamount to an obstacle course. The clutter! So straight on mopping of the floor would require for me to move several pieces of furniture and throw rugs. Well, I sweep the floor daily, and it's only we two, so keep it pretty clean. I was totally wiped yesterday from having scrubbed the kitchen floor, and I did a light job on our stove top.
O.K., Emjo have a safe journey. Much Love, Margeaux
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Hi Art, Margeaux, Joan, Yogi and others reading here. Just checking to see what’s up.

Sharyn – I agree with you totally. It will have to be little at a time. Last night, I dug up 4 bags of purses looking for the Right Size for today’s outing. I don’t think I can get rid of my purses. I pulled out a purse that I haven’t used in 2 years. But it suited for today’s activity – shopping. … Your mom is going deeper in the “accusing” stage, isn’t she? She’s now including you. When mom started on this stage, it was only the 1 SIL. Then, time went by, she started accusing SIL 2. Time went by, she accuse us kids. After the accusing stage, I believe mom started what I call the “Wandering” stage.

With regards to menopause, I always go around with my trusty small foldable hand fan. The one you see the Japanese use. Mine is paper not the cloth type or the wooden type. I buy several so that when one wears out, I have some to replace immediately. It sure helps a lot when the meno hits. I am standing in line, and that fan is viciously moving as I try to cool off.
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Joan~I have settled down a lot since I first started posting on this site. You and Maregeaux, and many others have helped me to detach even more than I thought possible. I have learned to take things one day at a time with my mother. Sometimes it's a couple hours at a time. My bakery/deli manage gave me an egg shaped Christmas ornament for Christmas. She said I got you the egg shaped one because it reminds me of you. You (me) appear to go with the flow and nothing bothers you but underneath you are feeling things you don't show, is that right. I laughed and said Yes...that is me. It is more my sister who can get me rattled than my mom. Just like with this man she is with who IMO is not healthy for her...but it is not my problem and I have to keep telling myself that, BTW, I don't think she is healthy for him either, Lol!! My sister can't afford to go away for the weekend and it bothers me that she would do this when she can't pay her share, but that is just me. If I were single, I would want to pay my way because I want say in the relationship and not give all the power to someone else. That's just me. I know...it's not my problem, Lol!! Hugs to all
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Art~Welcome to the thread!! I hope you come back to share more, vent and just get support. Yes, it is common for siblings to argue, criticize, and to not do anything to help. I think some of it comes from being resentful of the sibling who was given POA even though they really would not want to be in charge themselves, some of it is their nature. My sister is named 1st on my mother's DPOA and I am 2nd. If my sister had her way, my mother would have had her driver license revoked long before it was necessary. Sis is very nervous and controlling like our mother. She over reacts every time mom does something wrong. She sees our mother as more advanced with Alzheimer's than I do. Earlier this year, my mother started a kitchen fire by heating up Vicks Vapor Rub in a pan. My sister over reacted and wanted to have mom declared incompetent right then and now. The way I looked at was that mom reacted quickly and put the fire out. We can't declare her incompetent, a dr. has to do that. My mother has to fail 2 out 8 activities for daily living (ADL's) to qualify to use her long term care policy for home health care and a NH. My sister is always trying to find ways to fail mom. The ADL's are needing help bathing, dressing, eating, cooking, toileting, incontinence, assistance to walking to the bathroom or needing to be transferred from a wheelchair to bed or to a couch. My sister will try to use the fact that mom uses poise pads as incontinence. I have to talk my sister down on these because using poise pads does not count. Yes mom did burn a cake in the oven last week because she forgot about it, yes it does concern me since she is at what I see at mid-moderate Alzheimer's...stage 4. I am not trying to make myself sound like a hero or anything, it's just you have to know my sister. She only sees things in black and white...there are no grey areas to her thinking and she takes things way too seriously. She went away for the weekend with her..."umm"...man interest. She left a message telling me she decided to go away for the weekend with him and sorry for dumping mom on you, Hahaha!! My sister lives 45 minutes away from me and mom. If something came up, I would handle it like I always do. Take her to ER and wait till they figure out what is wrong before I call and tell her what is going on. I live about 5-7 minutes from my mother. Anyway hang in there because when it comes to taking care of an elderly parent, you have to do what you believe is in their best interest for their care and quality of life. I agree with emjo that you need to get DPOA if you don't already have it. It is possible your step mother will want one of her own children to have DPOA for her. There is a question on this site by someone who posted that their step father's children removed him from his home with his wife stating she wasn't taking care of him and they placed him in a NH telling the staff that his wife could only see him 2x's a week for 1 hour. So check things out and good luck and hugs to you!!
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sharyn - I think you handle your mum very well. My mother throws out ideas about moving he or there to be near a niece or nephew, and I think it is only her attempt to manipulate me. I ignore them but inside I am thinking "If you think that would be best for you, go ahead, Heck, I'll call the movers! It does sound like the dementia is progresing. Mother's short term memory is really slipping. Yesterday, I and this nurse both told her that the nurse does not do caregiving, and this morning mother has written and said she would like the nurse to come and help her in the evening.I guess I just have to keep repeating it.

Glad G and I are not the only pack rats. I do go through clothing regularly and get it to the Thrift shop. And have gotten rid if extra tableware and kitchen stuff.
Margeaux, I had to laugh at your hubby being proud of things he has had for such a long time. He and G would see eye to eye on that.

My dinner went very well - one of the best turkeys ever. Dave, bless his heart did some sorting out of my tablet, and also Gary's work computer. It was a very nice relaxed evening, and G built an awesome fire in the fireplace.I had to go back to the store for brussel sprouts and I think all those trips in the cold tired me -I am wiped today and need to pack for travelling tonight after supper at dds. I like to forget that I m 75. Time to start filling a suitcase - G will be home in a couple of hours. In the middle of this I am making up and sending out invoices for his business, and fielding questions about things of which i know very little lol, but I seem to do OK. It keeps my brain active!. This morning I was washing the front hall floor befoe 8 am because of dirt from the visitors boots. I guess I am doing OK.
Hope everyone is having a good day (((((((hugs)))))) and love Joan
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Welcome art - it seems common for siblings of any kind to argue about the caregiving given by the major caregiver, and other family members argue/criticise too. It is much easier to criticise than to do the caregiving, Can you ask your step brother to document what he is concerned about? It may be his (dysfunctional) way of dealing with the decline of this mother. Has your step brother any authority e.g, POA to take your step mum away. Perhaps it would be a good idea for your dad and step mum to appoint someone they trust as medical and financial POA.if they have not already. I am not familiar with akk the versi9ns of POA in the us but others here are.It is not good for them to live with this kind of anxiety. Are your dad and step mum living in their own home? Perhaps it is time to discuss alternatives with them -e g an ALF which would providee them with professional care and also, presumably alleviate your step bros concerns, as their interactions would be monitored by the staff. This iwould be a very sad situation of your step bro acts on his feelings. If you are tbhe one whi sees them most, i susoect you have the truest picture. Perhaps to back you up, you could talk to the local Agency of Aging or Social Services and ask them to check on your dad and step mum to ensure that all is well, and reassure your step bro. Wishing you all the best - and let us know what happens (((((((hugs))))) Joan
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Margeux~My mother is getting increasingly frustrated because she can't keep track of her bills and she hides things around her house then can't find them. She refuses to accept that she has any part in this therefore in her logic, we are taking things from her. She needs someone to blame it on because she certainly would not hide things in her house, Lol!! She called me late yesterday sweet as pie asking if I would take her grocery shopping. I went over there this morning to take her and she looked at me and said, "What do YOU want?" I said, "You said you wanted to go grocery shopping, I didn't come over to argue so if you want to go, let's go." She threatens to sell her house and move back to PA. She says I have many nieces and nephews back there who will help me, Hahaha, these nieces and nephews don't keep in touch with her and they are all in the 70's or older. I guess she thinks PA is unchanged by the passage of time. I don't think she understands, really. Just too much confusion for her and she can't organize anymore.
Book~I know about about clutter and it accumulates quickly. I need to go through closets to get rid of clothes no longer being used. I did weed out a bunch of old craft supplies in the spring. I have 3 consecutive days off next week and I plan to finish painting.
Joan~I hope your dinner turned out well...a nice visit with your son and dil. You have been very busy with the holidays, good for you!!

I went to target yesterday and bought a little computer desk for the new computer which I haven't set up yet because I want to finish painting first. Then I went to JCP to buy a new pair of slippers and OMG, that store was so hot. It must have been 85 degrees in there. I started sweating just standing in line. Come on move this line faster, menopausal woman is having a melt down here, Lol!!
Gotta go, so everyone have a great day!!
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Thanks for this post, I am new to this forum. I wondered if it is common for step siblings to argue over the care of the parent/step-parent. My step brother is claiming that my father is verbally abusing my step mother. They are both 84 and step mom has Parkinson's. I am the one around them the most and don't see it. My dad is living in fear that my step brother will take my step mom away. He is full of anxiety and it is affecting his health. My step mom is stressed about it, too. It is so sad. I just want peace and tranquility for both of them.
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Sharynmarie,

So your mom is getting in suspicious mode? Yes, my did this recently concerning receipts w/my sister. Does she react at all when you return her check to her, or understand any of this? But I know you have a great upper hand, attitude about it. Good for you! Margeaux
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Emjo,
Isn't it funny how your mom has this idea about trying to find a peaceful place to live in. She hasn't figured out, that one has to work on creating one's own peace.
So what are you cooking for dinner? Well I'm sure whatever it is, have a great one with all of your family. Burned cranberries, that's cute and funny.
I've burned raisins and chocolate chips. Much Love, Margeaux
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Bookworm,
I had a good laugh reading about your room. I have a couple of drawers like this.
But we too over here, live in a small apartment. I don't have a lot of stuff. But here comes the but.....my husband, Oy vey!!!!!! He has lots of things, and he even brags about how long he's had stuff. But honestly, I've been wanting to buy some new cookware, and haven't partly because I won't have space to put it. So I guess a little at a time is the way to go.
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Sharynmarie and Emjo,

Yes, I totally agree with both of you that I must detach from all of this in house fighting, back biting that is going on between my sister, her daughters vs. sister-in-law, and her daughters. It's plain ugly, and I w/not have any part in it.
Besides, I understand my sister wanting to go out of her way doing these Thanksgivings, Christmases. But she ends up doing most of the cooking herself.
Her two daughters never really pitch in to help. Part of that is also because of my sister's control element. She does this, since I know she's thinking this may be mom's last one and all of that. But the rest of the family....nieces and nephews are all grown up now, and I see they never literally bring anything to the table either! Well, at least my brother's daughter this year did bring some deviled eggs.
That was good of her. But the rest of the gang, they just come and chow down.
So I did talk to my sister the day after, and I think next year w/be quite different.
She too, is stubborn in this effort to get too many people together, especially the sister-in-law, and basically they don't like each other. Heeeelllllloooooo! Then I say, well quit inviting, and do one's own dinners.
Thank you for the suggestion, also. Most times my husband and me are so busy going to other people's invitations, that we've not really established our own customs in our little apartment. Well, I have some tamale husks in the cupboard.
After I also get rid of especially kitchen clutter (old pans) I can't even use anymore, I'm going to make some kind of celebration and invite my friends! Thank you once again, I really appreciate it, you guys are my family!
Much Love, Margeaux
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Hi yogi - I wish - I am a pack rat from a way back and Gary is worse, so I have to do better -sharyn I wish he would spend some time regularly as things accumulate,.and he doesn't want me touching them. I am a little better as I do go through things once in a while, and toss out the junk - not daily though. Sorry to hear about your mum, sharyn, I know it is not pleasant, I haven't had that kind of accusation but I get others,
had a turkey fiasco - I put a smallish fresh turkey in the little apartment frig in the basement and it did not smell right when I took it out today, so I rushed over to the same store, and got another one which was bigger. My oven is not a fast one.so I cranked the temp up. covered the breast with foil and hope I get it cooked decently in time. I have lowered the temp now, but have no idea when it will be ready. I will just have to keep checking the internal temp. Stove top stuffing will have to do. I thought I had enough brussel sprouts, but I may have to take another trip to the store for those. aaaargh - not well organized today, but I think we will have a good evening anyway
(((((((hugs to all)))))
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Joan~I read about your friend with cancer. It sure is heartbreaking when this happens to people we have a relationship with for a long time. I agree with you that where you mother is currently staying would be best for her and having someone who is knowledgeable about personality disorders look in on her. My mother is the opposite as she alienates her family and is sooooooooo sugar sweet to non family. She accused me today of writing checks to myself. I told her, YOU wrote a check to me back in October for medication I bought for you when you fell and your toe was infected. Here it is in my purse, I have not cashed it yet and you can have it back if you want. I took it out and showed her the check. She pulled in her horns when she recognized her own writing. I left after that, Lol!!

Enjoy your dinner with your son and dil. Sounds like a yummy dinner so enjoy the time with your son!! Hug to you!!!
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What I have found helpful with eliminating "stuff" is to commit to spending some time daily doing just that. You don't have to spend all day on it, just set aside some time, be it 1/2 hour or 1 hour. Anything you have not used in the last 6 months, get rid of it. I am not a hoarder, but I do procrastinate and choose to do things I find more interesting, Lol!!

I went over mom's and she refuses to see the dr. She was accusing me left and right so I did not stay but 5 minutes. She wanted a scapegoat and it wasn't going to be me. She is safe and not a danger to herself so I left.

I went to the pharmacy to get my prescription for Voltaren Gel. This is the greatest anti-inflammatory drug without the side effects of an oral anti-inflammatory. I use it for Plantar Fascitis in my left heel and tendinitis in my right arm. With the tendinitis, I use it twice daily for a few days and don't need again for several months. I was going to go shopping but I forgot to bring the gift cards with me. I came home and maybe tomorrow I will go shopping.
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Hey Book, Emjo, I'm just the opposite. When I moved 3 years ago, I got rid of everything. I hardly have anything except for important papers and a few odds n ends. My roommate is opposite. Keeps everything. I feel like Oscar and Felix! LOL
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Hi book - I tend that way too, and Gary is much worse. Maybe we need a list of how to get rid of clutter!!! ;)

Spent part if the morning trying to sort out these latest ideas of mother's to move to a peaceful place. Ain't gonna happen. Where ever she goes she brings strife with her. Talked with a nurse who has visited her, and we agree she is best off where she is, possibly with a little extra help - but that has to be someone with psychiatric training who can handle someone with Borderline Personality Disorder (which mother has,) as mother alienates people pretty easily. This nurse has some contacts and will look around. Part of a real problem she has, is that the home care she gets in the ALF are not well supervised, so they rush through things, or are not on time. Possibly, also, they do not want to spend much time with her because she can be quite difficult. I have asked someone else to look into the supervision of the home care staff. Meanwhile I am trying to get ahold of the person who is trying to set up a group home for seniors, and warn them that mother will cause havoc.

Now I have to concentrate on getting supper together for Gary, my son and dil tonight. I already nearly burned some cranberries.

margeaux - not a nice situation over Christmas with your sister. My goodness, they will go to any ends to cause trouble - even dragging a baby into it. I am with Sharyn - make your own Christmas and let them wallow in their own misery, Detach, detach, detach. Do what is good for you and refuse to be dragged into these messes. It is stressful isn't it?

sharyn - hope you get your mother settled down -what next!!!

Gotta go and cook etc Love and hugs to everyone - Joan
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Hi Everyone! Welcome to those new posting here or returning posters. I'm a procrastinator. I haven't yet printed Emjo's Detach/Boundary information. I haven't cleared out my bedroom. Since both parents are bedridden and mom needs constant suctioning, I've spent 99% of my time in the livingroom with them. My bedroom is usually - a drop stuff and will get back to it situation. I walked in this morning - OMG - I'm becoming a Hoarder!!! When I said in my head that I will get rid of stuff, the though popped up, "No, I might need it later on." That's a Hoarder's mentality!! I've watched enough of those hoarder reality show. A person can be normal, then one day, under strong stress (death of a loved one, losing a job, etc..), they started clinging to everything ..and now is a hoarder. I will definitely need to start small and start letting go of stuff.
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Margeaux~Sorry your Christmas with your sister was so tense. I think it is a good idea for you to do something like you said such as making a turkey dinner for you and your husband. Do something for the two of you that will have to erase the bad taste of being at your sister's.

I gotta go cause my mom is having a really bad day again, thinks she is going to be put in prison. Gonna see if I can get her into the dr. Talk with all later, have a good day!
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Yogibear,
I read some of your posts. I'm really sorry that for you, you are close to your mom, not like others here who have the narcissistic types. Then, that on account of your own disabilities you can't care for her any longer, especially 24/7. Well, my dear one can only do what they can do. But please do not allow your siblings to try these guilt trips on you. You've done what is humanly possible, now it's their turn.
Do look after your self and the high blood pressure. These kinds of situations can influence the HPB. I've a friend who has been stressing out too much also the last year or so, and she was in ER for the same thing. Cinnamon in a hot tea is great to reduce the blood pressure, as well as garlic. O.K., I hope you feel better, and concentrate on you! Much Love, & Light! Margeaux
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Anamaya,

Whoah, and welcome! This sounds like a very similar situation we went through w/the narcissistic aunt last year. Any decision made by her, even her own end of life decisions, later she'd unleash her venom about them upon my sister the main caregiver of we siblings. My aunt also had this odd relationship to her money.
She grew up in the Depression era. She and my mom had to find work at a very young age. Actually, they did quite well for people of that era, financially speaking.
So as we were growing up as children, I've 3 other sibs, I noticed that both my mom and aunt seemed to have a "one buys love w/money," attitude, not w/deeds, nor real attention. So in my aunt's case in later years, she thought she was holding her nieces and nephews, (of which I'm one), hostage to her inheritance.
Good for you, that you've told your mom and others about being fired. It's good to put people on notice, that you are not available to be their doormat! I'm all for that!
Welcome to you too, Anamaya! Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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