
Many of us, myself included, come from a dysfunctional family which adds a lot of weight to the challenges of caregiving. I have read stores on various threads on other topics and decided it would be good to have a thread just for this topic for people to share, vent and discuss.
The idea for this thread originated on the thread named "The Caregiver....How are YOU doing today?"
cmag - I haven't heard of a Blue Christmas service, but it sounds like a good idea. I am OK now, but need to be pretty quiet, which I will be. My daughter, to my surprise, has invited us and a few others to her house on the 28th for supper. We will go, and from there head off south for dinner theatre on the 29th and back home the next day. Gary's dil (oldest son) will be induced this week so they will have a new baby as well as a 2 yr old, and will not, I am sure, be hosting the usual big Christmas. His oldest daughter will be induced just before Christmas and will be in hospital for Christmas, so I guess he will go down there, and connect up with whoever he can. I know he will want to see his new grandbabies. I would love to see them too, but that isn't on the books - just a matter of prayer. Talk about dysfunctional families!!!! Oh, well. The "good news" is that mother has given me the number of her lady friend from whom I can find out about the move she is planning. Mother said there will be 6 "clients" in one house. I can't see mother getting along with 6 other people, under the same roof, but not my problem.
Love hugs and prayers - Joan
One parent said that their little child did not understand the situation. The child told them that there were children sleeping on the floor. It's just .... so tragic...
I am still reeling about the shooting at the elementary school. The thought of what those little ones went through, and what those left, the families, friends and colleagues are, and will go through is too much. My heart goes out to them. This Christmas will be very hard for them. Prayers for all affected.
I can sure understand how overwhelming it feels to have all of the Christmas decorations to land in one person's lap.
Last year with my poor energy level, it was March before all of the Christmas and winter decorations were put away. Then, we still had both boys home for Christmas which will not be true this year. However, it was our first year of not having both at home after Christmas.
As usual, we will spend Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with SIL and MIL at SIL's house. So, I announced several weeks ago that given my energy level and my wife being laid up with a bad knee, that this year's tree would be half as tall as before and only the minimum of what we put out as decorations are going to be put out for several reasons of which one is that I am the one who has to get it all brought into the house from the barn and who puts it all back in the barn. Also, if we are not having anyone here for Christmas but just us in our little empty nest, then why knock myself out. The last time I did that, SIL and MIL came to our house for Christmas back in 2010.
So, this year we have downsized and simplified which is fine. The tree is only 5 ft instead of 8 which made it much easier and less time consuming to put the lights and decorations up, but it still took me several days to do just that. I would recommend to anyone looking to simplify decorating to get a smaller tree. The wreaths are on the doors and the outside nativity scene was put in the front yard Friday afternoon.
However, as far as making every room in the house look like Christmas and placing the electric candles in the window, no. Too much!
Due to finances, we also had to downsize on our Christmas presents for people. Too often in the past, the money from my dad and others would give us often helped complete paying for how much we spent on presents. Something sort of circular about that.
Anyhow, for me and my household less is better and spending within our budget is better. We understand that as our boys get closer to finishing college that they will be more and more independent like the one who has a winter internship for the whole winter break in DC. Furthermore, all of the glitter and hurry of the season can overshadow the heart of what to me Christmas is all about. That in itself gives me the Christmas spirit more than other things do. Anyhow, for me growing up Christmas was always at one parent's house or the other which was part of the divorce settlement plan.
We are still adjusting to the empty nest syndrome.
Love, prayers, and hugs to all as each of us seeks the Christmas spirit within the context of our individual situations!
So, it's understandable why you're not in the Holiday spirit. Your kids won't be home for xmas. Hubby is not interested in a "we" will set up the tree. So, it all rests on you. I guess even turning on a xmas cd and blasting it loud won't motivate you to decorate? Why don't you do a New Tradition now that your kids are grown up? Why don't you try to think of getting a unique xmas tree decoration for each of your kids? Every year, you will get another New decoration. For example, if one of your kids love cooking (but may be terrible at it or great at it), get an item that has to do with cooking (or make one with a burned pan)? Grandchild into little league baseball? Get something along that theme. Now, each year, your xmas tree will Not be so Impersonal. You will be decorating it with items that represent something of each of your loved one. Wouldn't that be something to look forward to? And maybe hubby might be interested to see what you come up each year.
Just a thought. Brainstorming, here to help you get into the xmas mood. HUGS!!!
I ask for everyone's prayers for the people in Connecticut regarding the horrific shooting and senseless loss of life of innocent people.
Hugs to everyone!
Margeaux - I cut off before sending love to you, so much love back, and to sharyn and everyone. It is great having the support of this group and others on AC
Love, hugs and prayers - Joan
hi Margeaux - I did have a good time, and it was great seeing old friends. Today, Mother did give me the phone number of her friend who is helping to arrange this move. I will call the friend and find out more about what is happening. She doesn't know yet how much of her furniture she can take with her. Gary and I can help with some if it - he would do most of it anyway. Last move I had professionals move what she needed, and we looked after the rest - which was most of her stuff and I still haven't sorted it all out. The CFS/FM doesn't allow me to do too much. She doesn't have as much now, thankfully.
Distance is good, Margeaux. I am glad you are working on that. I find the more distance, the better I am. Is that your neighbour friend who is calling? I agree you have to watch it with friends too. There needs to be a balance -of her stuff and your stuff, and good news and bad news. If I have troubles I want to talk over with a friend, I always make sure I let them know the resolution. It only seems right. A break and/or boundaries there sound good. The FM (fibromyalgia) seems to be OK right now. I watch my sugar/carb intake carefully which seems to help. Right now it is just fatigue which means I can't do much which gets a bit frustrating. I took a pic of the sunrise this morning, and am using for my avatar for a while. it was beautiful. Such things give me a lift. Are you making big plans for Christmas - doing baking, or any special dishes?
On another thread we were talking about latkes - potato pancakes. Sharyn had a different version than I am used to, but they sound good.
It sounds as if you had a great time in Niagra Falls. It's always more than good to see old friends, good for the spirit!
I certainly hope that this new move for your mother w/be a positive one.
Really I hope for your sake, that she did ask someone else to move her stuff.
O.K., yes I'm trying to work more on the boundaries! I haven't heard from her for a few days. I will call her probably tomorrow, however currently I'm really trying to create some distance. I figure no news is good news. I even have a friend right now, who has been calling me w/lot's of news about her high blood pressure. I've been more than supportive. The other night she called me to tell me of some crazy drama, which really could have become dangerous. So when I was done w/that phone call, I thought maybe I should take a bit of a break from her too. I mean how much bad and negative news can one hear from people?
This friend has been in this mode for the last year, so even if she's a friend, I have to watch that also. You know these people that start calling you w/their drama, then when things balance out, you don't hear from them. Yikes!
I hope the fibromyalgia calms down. Much Love, Margeaux
My wife did more walking with her walker as we got out of the house today and went various places to shop, etc.
Take care all and to all prayers, love and hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!