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Today’s words:

“I’m comfortable with you being my scapegoat.”
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@WomanWarrior - welcome to Aginc care. I hope you find the support you need here.. Other posters, including myself, are called to live like Jesus. He made the ultimate sacrifice so we could live an abundant life. No one else could make that sacrifice.
John 10:10  "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it to the full,"
The point burnt makes is a good one. We are far more limited that Jesus is. The Holy Spirit works in us to bring us to the likeness of Christ. We can't do it in our own strength nor will we reach perfection in this life.
The greatest commandment is that we love God with all our hearts and our neighbours as ourselves. In this case your neighbours are your parents. This means you count equally in the equation,
Love is seen in action. You are to do good things for yourself as much as for your parents.
If this situation is too hard on you then figure out what is loving for you as well as for your parents. They need care - it doesn't mean it has to be you doing the hands on care. If it is too hard on you it can be done by others. Jesus says his burdens are light. He does not want burdens to be too heavy for you. Yes we encounter tribulations. He also shows us the way through them. regarding boundaries. There are lots of boundaries in the bible, and consequences when they are breeched. God/Jesus is not against setting boundaries and following through with consequences, Quite the opposite. The answer is not to just tell people that they have broken your boundaries, but to then calmly to enforce the consequences. Boundaries are of no use without consequences.
All the best and prayers with and for you.🙏🙏🙏
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BOJ - Re narcissistic mothers breeding narcissistic sons - they also bred narcissistic daughters as evidenced by my sister, the golden child.
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⭐️⭐️⭐️
Also today’s words of wisdom:

"A man can fail many times, but he isn't a failure until he begins to blame somebody else."
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BOJ, absolutely!!
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⭐️⭐️⭐️
Today’s words of wisdom:

“It is truly eye opening when you realize that narcissistic mothers breed narcissistic sons.”
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@BOJ

Good point about the kind, sweet scapegoat/caregiver getting screwed over. The OP needs to see some things in writing about what she will get if she is her parents' caregiver.
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@WomanWarrior

Fill your bathtub with some water. Now see if you can walk on it. If you can't, then don't try to live up to Jesus. You're a human being and none of us is perfect.

You don't have to be a care slave to you parents who from what you've said didn't care all that much for you. There's another line in the bible somewhere about people reaping what they sow.

There are other people available to care for your parents. These people are located in a nursing home. Put them in one and go back to your life. Let that be the boundary you set.

You deserve peace and some measure of happiness. If any other family members want to take over the caregiving for your parents, more power to them. It's time for you to walk away, guilt-free and without troubling yourself over the bible.

I once asked a rabbi if he thought that 'Honoring the Father and Mother' meant that their adult children must give up their lives and become care slaves to them. Know what he said?

The child honors his/her parents by living a good life and raising a food family. By doing mitzvahs (good deeds). Being a slave to others honors no one.
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woman warrior,

hug & courage.

1 warning to you: PLEASE make sure they don’t screw you over financially.

sometimes the kind-sweet-scapegoat is not only helping for years, but gets totally screwed over in the end. please be careful.

bad people have no mercy, no conscience and screw other people over.
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WW, you have the right to choose your own religion and your own interpretation of it, and your own care decisions. Just know that there are other options and other choices that you and other people also have the right to make.
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I am the scapegoat of the family, and as so often is the case, I am now the primary caregiver for my elderly parents. I've heard it all, "You accepted the role, you have to set up boundaries, etc." This is the situation. There is no one else willing to take care of them. I love them, but I also understand they will never love me. I have taken a personal inventory and do not believe I am trying to earn their love or make them love me. It has nothing to do with what they can or cannot do emotionally. I am called to live as closely as I can, like Jesus. I can't see Jesus saying, "They violated my boundaries. Or I can't be "codependent." I have been called to "Honor my parents, to love my enemies, and to feed, clothe, and visit others in need." I am not vying for sainthood. I am vying to survive in tribulation - which Christ told us we would encounter. Right now, though, I no longer want to beg them to let me help. Talk about no win. I just need others to pray with me and pray for me. Thanks.
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Birdee, I've had a lot of anger at my life also, I've been working on reinventing myself, and dealing with a lot from my past , and knowing how much I've changed especially the last 6 months or so, I've been on this journey. Very much looking forward to who I have become at the end of this awakening journey I have been on, now I'm in a bit of an exciting part of this. So we will go through all this together, and get though it together, one day at a time!!.💕💕 Your not alone.
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thanks Hothouseflower. I'm working on getting a dementia/Alzheimer's dx for mom... but we can't do that till June. I have to make it till then, as I don't really know the scope of her needs clinically.
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Birdee, I understand, I have huge anger issues now because of my parents lack of planning that I will carry with me. .No legal documents, nothing until I had to get very nasty and make threats about leaving and not coming back unless they did this. Us kids lives revolved around the latest health crisis or house maintenance catastrophe. It was just awful.

Get help in. I used NextDoor and found three really great helpers. figure out what you need to do to help yourself.

you might need to place them
into a NH at some point. Don’t believe people who broad brush and tell you NHs are all bad. Have an open mind and look into what is available.

My mother died last year and my father is in a nursing home now. He’s sleeping here in the sun room as I write this. Even though he’s in a facility the work and responsibility does not end. It’s just a different set of issues.

Remember you are no good to your parents or to yourself if you burn out,

Hope you feel better.
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I'm struggling. The needs my parents have haven't started suddenly, but the amount of help they needed changed drastically last month, and I'm underwater. My sister has been stirring up trouble from 3000 miles away, posting on social media about how hard it is to support aging parents from a distance (which I agree is HARD) but without asking how she actually COULD help. I'm angry that my parents are so needy when they've had a year (since we started seeing problems) to put help and care in place but didn't, I'm angry that my sister thinks a couple of phone calls a week is "helping support", and I'm angry that all I think about right now is my parents care and whether I'm doing enough. I'm afraid I will never be able to do enough for people who don't want to help themselves.
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words against toxic/dysfunctional people:

🙂🙂
“My favorite thing about your opinion is when you keep it to yourself.”
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words against toxic/dysfunctional people:

🙂🙂🙂
“My best attribute is being nothing like you.”
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Bundle, you are definitely on a great roll , thanks for the wisdom and joy. 😍
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⭐️⭐️⭐️
Today’s words of wisdom:

“If you only focus on the problem,
you might miss the easy solution.”
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🙂😍
Have you
loved you today?
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⭐️⭐️⭐️
More words of wisdom for today:

Time doesn’t heal all wounds…
It’s what YOU do with that time.
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Motherjoan - welcome. Validation is especially important when dealing with dysfunctional/narcissitic/personality disordered families. Years ago I came here for support to keep my boundaries in place when dealing with my Borderline Personality Disordered mother who had developed vascular dementia. This place has been hugely helpful. May it be so for you. 😊

I agree with Daisy - filling out your profile helps us to give better answers.
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Motherjoan, welcome, to are forum. When you get time, fill out your profile page , so we know more about you. 💖
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I have only been on this site for 5 minutes and I can’t believe how much strength and healing I received today!
Your words of wisdom allowed my mind and heart to unite! I now have a happy place/site to let my mind engage and keep my heart in check with the wisdom of knowing I am not the dysfunction in my family! Thank you so very much 🙃
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⭐️⭐️⭐️
More words of wisdom for today:

🙂
I try to take it one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.
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⭐️⭐️⭐️
Also today's words of wisdom:

Rising early
makes the road short.
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⭐️⭐️⭐️
Today's words of wisdom:

Never make the mistake of assuming
the person of peace
is unskilled at war.
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🙂🙂🙂
Today’s funny quote about dysfunctional/toxic people…

“Everyone is assigned a guardian angel who helps them out through life, but due to a clerical error a demon was assigned to you.”
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.
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🙂🙂🙂
“OK, here’s a bit of advice:
Stop trying to be like everyone else.
Remember…you…don’t like everyone else.”
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