The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

You know I've often wondered what it looks like inside the mind of a malignant narcissist - how do they rationalize the cruel, often completely illogical things they do to others, and how is it they can spin things to convince themselves and others that they are the victims?

Well this afternoon on way to work I find they have taken the cable box from tv so now my mother cant watch tv in kitchen.

My anger had me calling them 'B's as this weekend. I keep expecting decency and honor and reason. I feel like such a fool that I get worked up over the antics. Especially when there was a possiblility for a disaster.

Not to mention that the men working noticed the hostilty when I came in and found sister and nephew sitting on the sofa bed both heads in phone. I met some man coming out as I came in wonder who he was. He looking at me with hostility also. I am like WTF.

Thank God, my N finally saw the light and moved. A disaster was foiled. I was praying things held through until APS stepped in. I when I heard that it was more perilous than I thought it hurt and angered me.

I hope I live to see the day when this pompus, tyrannic ignorance is blocked, checked and ended.
Thanks

Hi all. I hope you are all treating yourselves good and are in good spirit and health. Happy Summer!

I am not updated but since Thursday I have been itching to post events. This forum has been a refuge for me in my turmoil. Just being able to share events takes a strain off.

Well, This sinus issue is killing me with pain at night. I did the nasal rinse one night and it relieved pain just enough for the pain and sleep med to kick in. I had an old bottle of tylenol with codiene so I took that too.

Anyways I woke up late thursday found my mother downstairs, put something in her stomach and then proceeded to take my shower. Well! she almost pushed me in closing the door behind her and when I tried to open door she held strong. For some reason my train of thought didnt take me to anger or resentment to lack of privacy. Although she sreamed bloody murder when I open door while she was on toilet. So finally I get in and here she comes. The whole time I am showering I am talking to her telling her she should take one too and get in with me and that we were going to have spaghetti and meat balls today, wondering what she is doing and why she is so intent holding door closed telling me to hurry up as I am drying off and peeking out the door. I thought is was funny eventually.

Well as I walk out I learn the men are there to work but what they are doing I have no idea. I saw front door open and twisted talking to a man with work bags. He nodded greeting. But how did my mother know I have know idea but she was protecting me! I thought that was amazing.

So I am clueless. I go get dressed and since my mother was upstairs I didnt stop in kitchen on my way out but I left my bank card so I had to go back in and decided to stop and get some water to walk with. I saw the water was turned off as I tried to melt ice. So I go to basement and find a pad lock. You could have fried and egg on my head to see that they were locking the basement. After I have found it flooded so many times or water leaking or pouring in. On top of that house is old and needs updated wiring so no airconditions and when I use the iron I have to use low setting and even then if I burst steam one time to many it flips the circuit and I have to go down and flip the switch. So I am fuming at the disegard, general respect and consideration and lack of common sense. I take the lock. and vow to break any other lock they put on. And if they want to know then I can state the obvious need for a key when this decision was made. Then I look in bathroom and see they had started working sink was out. Ok. So when I return they were calling my sister to come down to let them in and I waited with them while asking questions. I had shopping cart and they were carrying tools. So I learn they are fixing bathroom floor and beam I continue with questions with my sister between us with her back to me always facein phone. So I am getting =the guys number (business) maybe to do bathroom on my floor. I repeatedly as about beam and he says he is fixing it.

So saturday I come down and find lock on basement again I broke that 'mother' off. I am so offended and tired of the disregard acting like I am not there and so forth the usually. But here they are truly infringing on my rights. And I know that they are somehow resenting me for the work that is being done finally. I later find out from neighbor that nephew was all concerned the guys know him he is always working on his house pofessionally and N reached out to him. He said that the floor was going to cave in at any minute! So I am angry it took so long to respond to the issues and then to do so with malice against me.



I was so

Thx girl. I am feeling it today.

Well,when it pours it pours harder.

Just got an email from one of my remaining long time friends. She is just out of hospital having had a heart attack. She and husband have been having increasing health issues over the last year or so. Frankly I don't expect that they will be around for too many more years..

Had a long phone call with dd and it looks like she will need to be away from home longer than she originally thought. We will figure it out.

The pool filled up before I got into it so I am heading for a long soak in the bathtub.

Golden-
I am so sorry, know the grief is so hard for your niece. I’ve lost two siblings to suicide from poorly medicated bi-polar disorder, so I am right there with you. The one that stabs at my heart is my baby sister. Big hugs to you.

Sissi - for things to get better between you and your mum you have to change first. As long as you continue to communicate with her as you have been, her abuse of you will continue. I do hope you do some detaching and distancing for the sake of your emotional health. There is no point in trying to explain things to her. She doesn't want to get it. She wants to complain to you. It might help you to read up about narcissistic mothers and children of narcissistic mothers. There is lots of information on that subject on the internet. She wants to be the center of your universe and is pretty successful at accomplishing that and it is not healthy for you.

glad - probate is necessary here in most cases other than for very small and simple estates. The banks and other financial institutions require it to allow the executor to deal with the estate. It is the normal route. Sis is very happy to be getting her hands on money so she is cooperating. I will hand over the money disbursement to the lawyer to stay at arm's length from it.

I am sorry you still do not have the reports from ts2. That is so wrong.

Re family moving in, we all are introverts and the house is large enough for everyone to have their space. I don't expect it will be long. Dd tends to change her mind abut things. Once they get family counselling going things should improve. We will go back north next week and I can always come south again if I want/need to.

Today is the day my nieces ashes will be scattered. Having some feelings about that to be sure. There is a large crowd in the hotel for a 50th anniversary celebration. They were noisy last night downstairs and the big dinner is tonight. If I can find a quiet time at the pool I will spend some time there. The hot tub does wonders for me.

Have a good one everyone. Do something good for you. We are survivors.

Unable to post comments?

I so wanted to share somethings but had trouble posting comments?

Golden, it does not sound like probate is the normal course of action? Or is that something you requested? Having to communicate Sis, unpleasant.

My only thoughts on that front is to remain as transparent as you are comfortable with and or required by law, or trust. Here we are two years since mom passed. Trust requires biannual financial disclosure. And of course, that instruction hasn't been followed by ts2. She now wants to close out the estate, without reports, so of course I have asked for them again....

And family moving in to live with you? This would be very hard on me. It is wonderful when my kids visit me but I am always ready for them to go back home, too. Stay south as long as you can. Be good to you.

Sissi, please read this:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/just-listen/201208/death-wish-dealing-negative-high-maintenance-aging-parent-0

Well, I am continuing to catch hell from Mom (via phone). She said she cannot 'get over' some stuff I said during our last blow up. I told her how I felt, how she always made me feel inadequate and unsure of myself growing up. This was after she said I always assumed I was right, the smartest, the best. Not at all the case. I'm still terribly nervous in social instances, but I lie. She hurled some very nasty things at me, so I'm sure I did the same back (not a proud moment), but what I said was truthful.
So she called today, half crying. Her garbage wasn't picked up (local company is bad, she's not the only one who has had continual issues). I couldn't get the phone right away, so she left a message asking me to email or do something! Then ended with how she's been sick and ……...basically it's all my fault.
I did open a case with the city re: the garbage, sent a separate email, and posted on Facebook for her. I called her back. What really got her going was that her neighbor (who she doesn't like) put her garbage out late, and it was picked up when it was she who called in to say you missed mine. Then she goes into a story how her one friend, who is so easy going and friendly, is going away with her "wonderful DIL" to her son's home until after Labor Day. Now this woman just had her other son pass away suddenly, plus she is going blind. "See how others get treated. Those who have nice families!" Rant about how she doesn't eat right, is upset all the time, how her hands don't work (I tried to take her to that doctor and other doctors but she refuses).
I finally said ok, come live here. Phone went radio silent. Ok, fine then. I cannot do anything right by her. Nothing. I think I'm blocking her number for a while. I cleaned her entire house, offered to reorganize her closet (you cannot walk all the way to the back - so much stuff) and was refused, made her meals, did some trimming and weeding for her - and none of it was enough. I did tell her she had a whole inside of her - that no amount of thanks or gratitude could fill. She needs so much attention (reminds me of the character in Beaches - where the mother told her - I can't do this any more). I've told her I can't have around as she tries to control me. Oh no she does not! Then proceeded to tell me how she got her work done first, then played. She does stuff this way...….and I said that's a passive aggressive way of telling me what to do. We have to eat what she wants, do what she wants, and even watch the tv shows she wants. How is that not being controlling? She did it before at my own home. She rearranged furniture, put away décor and clothing (I'd been with a local theatre group - which she said I wouldn't have time for that since I had a home now), dug out a new garden area for me (didn't want it), replanted flowers I'd put out (because it looked better her way). If I were a few minutes later home from work, I'd be scolded like I was 10 years old. I remember telling a story about how a co-worker said I was so funny, I should've been a comedian. She said too bad you weren't a better housekeeper or could find a man. I slowly picked up my plate (eating dinner) and took it to the sink and began washing dishes, as the tears fell. She says now how we always got along when she'd come for a visit. No, I counted the days until she'd leave. She says I'm lying. No, I'm being truthful for once. She then will say how I begged her for help when I moved. Not true. Again, I lie. It's as if she's painted this alternate universe where we were close, and now she wonders why we're not. And I'm awful for speaking the truth. I don't know, maybe don't say anything, flatter her, and keep the peace? I'm at a loss. I don't think I can completely cut her off as the guilt runs strong. I've been sick myself off and on, I think from stress.
Thanks for letting me vent. Hugs to all.

Well, it never rains but it pours.

I was relaxing a bit in the south, and notice came that the lawyer has received Grant of Probate for mother's estate. This triggered some phone calls and emails to her/my financial adviser and to my sis. Ok, good.

However, I am also dealing by phone calls and texts with my dd and her daughter (my granddaughter) and fam. who are in crisis. Dd and her son (my grandson) have (with my permission) moved into my house. Her hub is to deal with their daughter (my granddaughter) and it is not going. well. We are looking for additional resources - family counselling and more. Looks like I will have some company at home for a while.

And it is just a month since my niece took her life. Obviously, i am still grieving for her and, in the strange way that it is happening, for my mother who died 6 months ago.

My counselor just went on holiday for a month. I had an appointment with her today, but for various reasons couldn't keep it. Since I am staying down here I will see the financial adviser next week to sign some forms.

Hoping for life to settle down a little, but I don't see any of these things going away quickly.

Dancing in the rain. Cliche I know, but seems like the best alternative.

This forum is really such a blessing. Reading through the posts, I feel like I'm not the bad, evil person, nor am I crazy (maybe on the road, but not there yet).

I made the trip to Mom's this past weekend. I took Monday off after she pestered me. "You were going to take off two days to take me to that doctor, and it wouldn't have helped anyways!" Fine. One day off.

So I call her a little over halfway through the drive, saying I was coming, when she could expect me, did she want me to pick up something to eat for her? She's already sobbing. I was like oh, nooooo. She has ants! And her toilet wasn't flushing 'right'. Ok, I'll take care of both. Still sobbing like someone died. She said oh it's awful (ants). I said it's ants, not the end of the world. "It is to me". Of course, it is. Drama mama. She'd not eaten anything, and didn't care if she ate anymore at all! Ok, well I'll see you in a little bit. It took everything in me not to turn the car around.

So I get there, and I had in the car with me a product I'd bought from Amazon, a part plunger and drain clearer for the toilet. Used that and the plunger in her bathroom. The water was a tad higher, and went down slower than normal, but it wasn't overflowing or anything major. It was normal within minutes.

.Over the course of the weekend, I saw one live ant. One. There were a couple of dead ones. Maybe four. I put out ant baits and made a homemade spray for her, and vacuumed.

She asked if I'd eaten. Nope. I knew she was itching for me to make her something. I then said I'll make whatever you want. I don't want anything. She was saying oh how it was raining, she wasn't going to church, didn't want to get wet. I ended up making her favorite soup, which wasn't what I wanted, and I think she knew that, but ehh.

I then went to church (had to pick one as she's been "church shopping"). Either she doesn't like priest, too much a/c, or too many kids. She said if I went to one, then I would be going by burger 1. Ok, so you want that. Got yelled at to get going as her friend always left by 3:50 (4:30 service). It's a 15 minute drive. Yeah I sat in the lot there, with the 6 other cars. Get burger 1, only to have her say she liked burger 2 better - all weekend long. Can't win.

Sat went fairly well. Sunday into the bowels of hell. She was irate at something I said. I had vacuumed and dusted about half of the house, then went outside to do yardwork (which I knew I'd be doing!). I used the wrong garbage bag, of course. I'd used a yard bag the time before only to be told she used the 'white bags'. So I used the white bag this time, only to be told no she keeps those for the kitchen. I told her I had a box in my car, she could have a couple.

She ranted about how no one gives her credit (for what she did). I asked what she wanted; she doesn't want anything now, but no one gives her credit. ??
Then how I wouldn't even discuss her plan for us to live together. She says now not to live together but to have close but separate quarters. I said ok tell me your plan now. Crickets. There was no discussion ever, and no plan.

I finished up everything that night, except to trim her nails. I looked up addresses on my laptop for her, then since she declined to respond to me re: toenails being trimmed, I read news stories online. I got yelled at how she got her work done first, then played. Yelling match ensued, as she pushed every one of my buttons. She then later got up in the middle of the night multiple times, being dramatic - ant watch 2019! Next morning, she said not going anywhere. We were going to brunch/shopping. She relented, like I knew she would. In an okay mood rest of the day, then good that evening. Good mood when she called me Tues afternoon, good that evening. Tonight - BAD. I'm evil, said nasty things to her. She's so caring to everyone, why doesn't anyone help her now? Muted phone. Thanks for letting me vent.

Well, as I figured, eight months ago when I viewed my bloodwork, my labs and urinalysis were all over the place, blood in urine. Called the doc, who sent me a letter, everything fine. Two months ago, labs again, blood in urine. I called again and once again asked specifically about the blood in urine. Among a lot of the blood tests out of normal range. Again. Her response, nothing to worry about.

Yesterday’s sample came back, blood in the urine. New doc says referring to urologist to figure out the cause. Told me she wasn’t going to leave things like that go. Seems I have found a good one. Referral already made to urologist this afternoon. Hopefully won’t take too long to get appointment with him.
We gotta keep the caregivers going!

Oh and FYI, I just binge watched a new show called "Trinketts" it was good, watch the first one and then finished the whole season!!

I am off for a few days got therapy in the morning when I get off. Its everyother week now and last week I did a double 12 hour shift because the nurse who relieves me was having labor pains. That change had me a tad mixed up. I still have to do followups on test and then get on road to get the surgery. Its rainy here thus lots of aches and pains but the flowers are doing lovely. My mother was looking out window at the pot which is right in front of one of the window and the babies breaths are coming up in the tree garden just baby sprouts. I can't wait to see the blooms. (got to check to see how long)

I miss hearing the garden stories. And the renovation updates.

Anyways take care all. :) :) :)

Girl, Yay! So glad you got someone who seems competent and on board with resolving the pain issues. There is a process. Its our responsibility to express our needs and issues to the doctor. Glad you are on point.

I can relate with the pain issues becuase I get spasms, in legs and knees and the hip pain is crazy. I dont have insurance and I sometimes worry about how much longer I can work because even those the issue goes away its bad when it returns. Its hard for me to just turn on the other side in bed. I try using a pillow, sometimes that helps between my knees and sometimes its just these painful spasms. I am taking supplements and I think sometimes too much potassium might be the cause and I also take the magnesium with calcium and D3. Maybe its off balance. Not to mention this dang on sinus pain. Its horrendous if it catches me. I take everything now to ward it off. My pressure is up which is why I am taking the potassium. My bp scripts are out and my next apt for wtc is the 11th so I am stretching things out. I have enough of one of my pressure meds but the doctor messed up on the script for second bp med. and she is not supposed to write those scripts anyway but I may call and ask for refill before my visit.

Meanwhile I go back and forth with the saddness. Going to prayer more and more often is my relief. Everyday I see my mother it sometimes depresses me, knowing what I am in for, that she is going to get worse, the condition of the house, my own issues, pain, lonliness, my work longevity. Sometimes I have to stand in one place a pivot my body to change direction then other days I can run up the stairs. Having no one who is significant to confide in or a shoulder to cry on makes it worse. Then too I dont want to burden anyone. This issue is something that is a day to day thing that I live. Its real and it hurts in every way possible. It hurts when my mother doesnt want to eat. It hurts to see the hallway dirt build up. It hurts me to stand my ground and not feel responsible. I get bitter and resentful and these things are not good for my spirit or my health.

So thanks, thanks, to everyone, for sharing their pain and issue, sometimes it brings me back to earth that this is life. I have to accept it.

I just want to say thanks to this entire forum just for being. Its cathartic and helpful to post, to write down and express my heart. Its also great to see so many people, wonderful folk, who have been through Sh#4t and lived through it and survived and have enough love and spirit to come on board and share and help others through the same. For the tolerance of the repeated pouring out of pain and the quest to get unstuck and move on. I am still stuck in this drama in so many ways. I breathe it. I dread it sometimes. But I come on here, and I see goodness and honesty and I see my self and I see I am not alone in my struggle and I see the light that comes out of the interaction and it helps me to see my self and situation a little differently and it helps to see my growth.

I wish rays of love and light to everyone. And Smiles.

Just thanks and ((((HUGS)))) to you all.

Thank you for the reassurances!

So today I saw the new internist. It’s a good 45 minutes drive, due to so many intersections to get to a state route. Made it on time, half hour before my appointment time.

The new doctor was everything the reviewers were saying. Competent, took enough medical history to hit the high points, make sure all current meds are accounted for in her records. I pulled up my last lab results on my IPad, so, she could see the latest. She asked if I had been rechecked for the blood in the urine. Told her my labs six months ago indicated blood in the urine then as well. So, did the deed, to recheck. She told me she was handling it, no worries on those things being ignored from now on. What a relief. Got a referral and appointment with an Orthopod, second week in July, to assess with whatever imaging he determines appropriate. He does hips, knees, but not spine. It’s a start. New doc didn’t want to refer for pain management, wants to wait to see who the ortho works with for that. Seems to be the horse before the cart, finally. We didn’t really discuss the prior internist, other than status on some of the other medical problems, what had/hadn’t been done. So it wasn’t hard to take the high road on that. I showed her the bloodwork, so she knows the doc’s name. Not even requesting records from her, as I take notes on all immunizations, when received, screenings and dates. So it seems a good fit, finally. I’m looking into where I can get labs done close by, don’t want to drive that far for just labs, fasting, given my gut issues. She said I was tense, felt my neck, glands. My response, it’s the pain I live with. Your muscles would be tense too if you lived with failing joints. Lol.
Finally, a good internist found!

Girlsaylor,
To ease your mind a bit....
When going to a new internist, the apoointment time may be only 15 min., 30 min., or almost an hour if a complete physical is scheduled. There will be no time at all to discuss your previous internist. So you are correct, just leave it out.

But always be honest about your medical history, in a brief synopsis.
Sometimes, the doc. doesn't even send for your medical records. This may be because a system network already has your history on the computer. Allow your doctor to ask you the questions he/she needs answered.

They will ask you for a list of current medications prescribed.
Unless there is time for a complete medication review, the doctor should respect the meds you are already on, and refill them accordingly. Or, as the need for refills come up. Allow for more visits so the doctor can get to know you.

Prioritize your needs, not everything can be addressed in the one visit. If you are seeking mostly a referral, then lead with that. Say you need an internist to coordinate your care (means: t h e specialists need a doc to report their findings to.).

Doctors try to fulfill their obligations to your care by standardized treatment protocols already in place. I do not see them eager to make referrals to specialists
these days. Your experience may be different.

Best of luck on your search for the proper care! You count too!

Okay, friends! Thank you all for the warm thoughts! I know the people here are cheering each other on, even when only time exists for a quick note of support to everybody! Shout out for everybody here!

Tomorrow is my first appointment with new internist. I need to make a list of the various good specialists, names gotten from a nurse friend, who knows who is good, who I should see. We shall see.

I don’t want to get off on the wrong foot with the new doc by discussing the current internist shortcomings, referrals not made, none of it. I need to make the visit all about me, not the horrible current internist. I can certainly give my new internist the names of my current gastro and pulmy. What I need to accomplish tomorrow is getting the ball rolling on orthopedic assessment of the failing joints, pain management.

So, how do I handle current lousy Doctor? Do I just give name of former FL internist, since I moved here a year ago? Do I have to even give the new doc the name of the lousy current internist? I don’t want to come off as withholding information, nor drug seeking, just for pain meds. How do I do it and convince her I am responsible, compliant with meds? Ideas?

TGengine, your words: " ...Stop pleasing him, stop trying to make him feel better....
Today is another day...... will start doing less for everyone else and more for me. Caregivers have to take care of themselves..."

TGengine , I'll hold you to your words. Let us know when you do something to improve your situation so we can cheer you on.

Yes, it is difficult living with someone you have to care for. I did take the day before to spend with my wife as my FD present (bought some things for my bike). Figured I would make a nice dinner after all it is FD and I'm a dad too. 5 years later I am doing the same stuff. As my wife and I talked it is time to stop. Stop pleasing him, stop trying to make him feel better. It is all this hallmark crap that guilts us all into having to do all this stuff.
Today is another day...... will start doing less for everyone else and more for me. Caregivers have to take care of themselves or there will be noone to take care of the one who need it I guess.

TG, your dad has been this way all his life - it's ingrained in him. I know it hurts to do kind things for him and not even get a thank you. But he isn't going to start being appreciative - he's entitled. For your sake, I recommend that you stop expecting behavior that isn't going to happen. I know it's easier said that done, but it's really important for your emotional state (and Mrs. TG's) to align reality and expectations, Gradually what can happen is you'll start to adjust your efforts - a nice brunch for Dad (less work) and then go do something fun with your kids or dinner out with your wife. You'll be less resentful and upset. When I decided I was tired of doing all the work on Mother's Day, especially as it was expected and not necessarily appreciated, I changed it up. Went to taking my mom out for lunch the day before, then spent MDay as I wished (in the garden).

Made a very nice dinner for Fathers day. Ate about half way until I couldn't take anymore and went to bed.
Day started off OK, in the AM dad came down to go to church. I said happy fathers day... he said thanks..... funny, I am a dad too but nothing back..... oh well, that is the way he is, all about him.
My daughter and son in law stopped over in the afternoon, we had a nice visit with them. Of course he sits down in the middle and take over a conversation I was having with the SIL. Starts telling a story and name dropping.
So later I went shipping for food. Bought 2 lobsters and one steak. Lobster for him and my wife and steak for me. Made a very nice meal, sat down and not a word. Not "hey lobster, or thank you or this is nice".... nope, nothing. So instead of getting mad I left my plate and went to bed. Not a pleasant sight when I went to my room, a lot of saying what I wanted to to the wall.
My wife did tell him why I was upset when he asked, He didn't say anything. Then he said "he was too busy eating to say anything", really? Too busy eating to say nice meal?.......He did come up later and asked if I was OK, told him I had a migraine.... Doesn't matter, he wont get it. He came down to my office this AM and said it was a very good meal, he didn't expect it.... I do not look for or need compliments but one would expect someone to say thank you for cooking for them or something to that affect. So narcissistic. Funny, it was my fathers day too...... I guess I have to talk to someone before I pop one of these days. The stress is unnerving. Getting tired of having no privacy and catering to others. I guess time to be a negative person.

Oh and I planted some impatiens red in white in my mothers pot last week. I hope they grow into a giant ball like hers did. I used to buy the trays for her every year for mothers day. She had more plants in the pot. I also threw some baby's breath seeds in some other pots and around tree garden we share with a neigbor those I place in the corners. Anyways with the rain coming regular they are looking good.

Much love for you all.

Golden, I understand your post about grieving about the destruction, and hardship.
Rays of love and warmth to your heart. A nice long soak in warm bubble bath is in order. (Maybe add a little epsom salt). Maybe some lit candles. May help the aches also.


Girl, So sorry to hear about your pain and trouble finding a doctor.

Happy Father's Day to all. I hope you all had a wonderful day. Since I work nights my thought on this being Father's Day hit me on train ride. The tears tried to come but I had to nip it in the bud. Sat nite I had planned to listen to his favorite songs and reminisce like i do every year and think of some good memories. He was a good man. I miss him so much, always have and always will. The dysfunction flew off the handle when he died. I don't know why he did not instill the same things in my sister. He would tell me "you work make sure you bring something to the house" suff like that. I dont think he said those kind of things to my twister.


Sometimes I just cant fathom my sisters hatred and jealousy or whatever it is that motivates this situation we are in. I often wondered if she or my mother knew exactly what they were doing. Purposefully trying to hurt and dismantle me in one way or another.

I had the texting fight with my nephew again. I had really tried to go no contact but an event happend. I wont go into the details but I took pictures and sent them trying to show my mother needs more care and the safety issues in the house. All I got was blame, blame blame. The only times she wandered off were on my watch. I went away to SK for 30! days without a care in the world!She didnt go wandering the 30 days I was gone! And he started out with "everybody knows" the real deal. I really dont care for my mother. So its the same old thing in circles. Its useless. Meanwhile nothing has been done about the bean crumbling under bathroom and the broken floor around toilet. I had someone come clean gutters on roof and it lookes like that was the problem, amazing how water can pour in do amazing damage.

The scarrs my mother and sister's narcissism are deep. I see how am always second guessing my self and tip toeing around others feelings which in the wrong people is like asking for disrespect or humiliation. I am too sensitive. Worried I have stepped on a toe and then angry at the gaul to mistreat me.

I have to get over the hurt and disapointment from my nephew. When my son went away to college. I focused a lot of love and concern to help him. He used to drop me off to work at 6am on way to academy. He would pick up a friend who lived with his mother and elderly woman. And boy! she would walk him to the car give him his lunch and iron his uniforms. So I told nephew if he wanted I could help him out with ironing. I mean I know how stressful it is and was for me starting a new profession. I didnt have any support my mother was the head of the family and it seemed to me she was doing every thing to hinder me. So anyway I willl never understand the motive behind such treatment but I do know I spent my whole life trying to proves to her that I loved her and here this same theme comes up between my sister and nephew. I pray for justice through the APS Case. I had to refrain from returning a text in answer to the accusations. Also that I leave the blinds open! not safe! The neglect is obvious. I try and its overwhelming. The good thing is that she is settling in her dementia. Today before I left I had to follow her all over the house to feed her. Then sometime she goes and wash her hands and sit down either at table or on the bed and its so easy that way.

Well she is back downstairs. I Found her yesterday finally laying in bed, I know her legs felt much better. I put a blanket over her and tipped around so she wouldnt feel motivated to get up keeping those legs elevated.

Had abdominal studies. Now have to see surgeon and get this surgery thing going. I am curious to know the results because of issues.

Ali,

WOW.....you sure sound like a total other person compared to some years ago.
I congratulate you on your moving on and growth. It's good to realize when one has outgrown something. While we do often think about the people we're going to miss, your participation, etc. it is a good thing to evolve.
I wish you the best and yes, we do need to live our lives.

Much Love & Life & Light!

Margeaux

Golden,

I sure am sorry you are having one of those days.
This is I guess how people who come from dysfunction must feel the grief?
Anyway, I do understand, as I've had these kinds of thoughts about my dysfunction also. Well I certainly hope all of this gets better, but do know you have the support from many of us here on the thread.

Huge Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Ugh, more internist drama. Incompetent internist, incompetent staff. I’m in so much pain, received not so much as telling me the maximum amount of Naproxen I may take for failing joints. They tried to refer me to a pain management doctor in a different state, who no longer even sees Medicare patients. He used to, but no longer sees people on Original Medicare. In my many years working in health insurance, I’ve got that picture. Doctors don’t cease taking patients on Medicare unless Medicare has found issue with their care, billing practices, or out and out fraud. The doctor wanted me to pay $340 cash for the office visit as self pay. Like anybody can afford that, then no treatments covered, have to pay out of pocket for everything?! Crap care from an incompetent physician. I called them to confirm they no longer take Medicare, asked if they knew of any doctors who will accept. Was given two names, both one state over. Both confirmed they will take Medicare patients. The first one has poor reviews of his medical care, not simply things like long waiting room waits or long waits to get an appointment. Actual issues with the actual medical care. The second one seemed highly skilled, well rated, but only taking part time patient appointments as he is an anesthesiologist and board certified in pain management as well as anesthesiology. I requested referral to the latter. But since the incompetent internist hasn’t ordered any xrays of the failing joints, even if the PM doc will give me an appointment, he won’t be doing anything for me for my failing joints pain, without xrays to substantiate any treatment plan. So, basically, it will be months of more pain, on top of the six weeks I’ve suffered since the internist cut me off pain meds, without tapering, no warning, no discussion. Next week I do see a new internist. I also requested an orthopedist referral, as this is where the idiot internist should have started the process.
so, if I don’t get the referrals from the current internist, I have a new one to approach next week.
so much pain, having so much difficulty even cleaning house and caring for my sick husband.
wish me luck!

Another day, another drama! My FIL called again at 830 am.. me time here.. hubs and puppers sleep until 9am and mom goes downstairs to get dressed at 830.. so I am enjoying my coffee and book. See FIL number on phone,, know better but answer it anyway ( because I can be a nice person sometimes.. and I don't want hubs to get woken up as we are not sleeping well) Fil hates to "tell me" anything, wants to talk to hubs. I explain hubs is sleeping. Well FIL gets up at 6 am, EVERYONE is up by 8.. LOL I told him I get up at 4 but I don't call anyone then! Then he proceeds to tell me he has tons of pictures from his sister, he does not know any of these people. ( yes, I know he wants us to take the 11 photo albums). I tell him my Aunt has been going through her pictures, tossing any that don't have people she knows in them.. good idea. Maybe his sisters grandkids would want them? Then he askes what I am doing these days.. uhhh working? Mom and hubs are retired, I am not. And on and on... Then we get to the real point,, he thinks we should turn off the AC at the river house when we are not there.. because the bill for electric has gone up 11$$. I try to explain that its a trailer basically, and if its 80 outside its 120 inside and not good for the appliances and such.. Which are OLD ! Like 30 years old! I fronted the money for the new heat pump.. I don't want to have to replace the appliances. Hubs comes down, shaking his head in disbelief and mutering.. Nope, he has not called him back! This will be my fault too..LOL I know FIL is 95, and he can't change his mind.. but I get tired of it all. And to top off the morning, the Jehhovas witnesses came by,, hubs was outside, I left him deal!