
Many of us, myself included, come from a dysfunctional family which adds a lot of weight to the challenges of caregiving. I have read stores on various threads on other topics and decided it would be good to have a thread just for this topic for people to share, vent and discuss.
The idea for this thread originated on the thread named "The Caregiver....How are YOU doing today?"
You are always so supportive of people here.
I was trying to go back and read more about your story, I guess it's way in the beginning of the posts. But I do know we have some family issues in common.
Hope you're well! Hugs, Margeaux
Good for you, that you said no to your mom's cousin. This would have been difficult isn't even the word here. Well, I hope you and yours are doing better.
Margeaux
Enjoy the rest of the weekend, take a bubble bath and relax because you deserve it!♥
We found out my moms cousin (who has been more of a sister relationship to her) , Is now in a NH.. She is not handling this well at all.. se calls here crying.. se is in a horrible state of depression.. Infact she asked if she could come stay w/me since I am home and her daughter works.. well I couldnt get "NO" out fast enough!!.. Im sure if I did not have the serious issues with my son I would of probably said yes.. but I have to put him first.and that is not so easy as it is.. When this whole situation came up with moms cousin, Mom took this also very hard.. she sobbed and begged me to never put her in a NH.. she kept repeating how scary it would be to live w/strangers.. I will say "it broke my heart" to see her.. this woman that was always so strong now like my child.. and her whole life in my hands.. Ive tried to put myself in her shoes.. and think how I may feel not knowing what the future holds for me.." will someone get tired of me".. So now I know after seeing her and how it took me so long to just calm her down.. I could never put her in a NH.. I know there are some very nice ones.. (and in no way do I down anyone who chooses NH care for their loved one).. but for my mom she would die.. and I would never forgive myself.. I dont know how Im going to do it.. I really just move through life lately as a robot.. I see my mom some moments of the day somewhat like she use to be.. then other times she cannot remember if and when she last ate.. One day at a time is all I can do.. and for now.. my son has to come first..
I do often wonder.. What God's plan is for making life so difficult this past year.. There must be a reason why everyday he adds yet one more thing to the pile of problems.. I tend to try to analyze every situation.. and I know that is why I feel God has some kind of plan for making life so difficult..
I wish everyone a beautiful, blessed weekend!
I hope that everyone has a nice spring weekend!
So in the spirit of Spring time, let's try to sew/sow, (not sure which one) both are good, of positive change so that we may grow and invite fresh energies into whatever it is we are doing in our lives. Que bella la Primavera! Margeaux
Where are you? I'm just wondering, since I'm well aware of the transitions that occur after someone has passed away I hope that you are taking care of yourself first and foremost of all, then hopefully the care of your mom is a bit calmer for you. Send you love and lots of light. Margeaux
Thank You! Margeaux
Only way i can switch doctors if I take him to another clinic in a different town and repeat the BS instead I refuted any wrong doing and ask her myself where can I buy this stuff i am supposedly harming my husband and if u suspect why haven't you had the local sheriff investigate the house for this black market drug. She sat there stunned and said nothing so i knew she was trying to get me to admit to something in my lifetime ill never to do my husband or children...but i haven't heard any new accusations so i assume the path is clear.
Amen to that Margeaux - and like she cannot "fix" your bro, you cannot "fix' her. I think you already know that. You made some very good decisions to detach years ago - good for you
sharynmarie - yes, there is a legacy to dysfunction and it is not a nice one. I am sorry your sis is in such a state from mot looking after herself. Our health is definitely not something we can take for granted - we have to take care of ourselves, or we suffer the consequences.
re caregiving there is evidence that caregiving takes a big toll on the caregiver's health. It hardly makes sense that while caregiving a senior who is easing out of this life, that we ease ourselves out 20 or 30 years prematurely. God gave us each a life to life, and purpose to that life. I don't think it is to cater to a narcissistic, unhealthy family member who shows us no respect, and creates stress, strife and tension in our homes - my view anyway. If I was catering to my mum the way she wants me to, I would be involved with her hours a day (even at a distance) and being "jerked" around emotionally. That is not God;s plan for anyone's life -I am convinced of that. No one other human being should be the center of our life.
snow again here - by spring cannot be far away. Hope everyone has a good day.
Love, hugs and prayers
jo
Love to you today, Izzy. ♥♥♥
Remember what others think of you is none of your business, so make some good choices for you!
((((((hugs)))))
jo
Later I will post more.. for now Im a little to drained to even put my thoughts together to write.. but I had to say those words.. I wish everyone a beautiful day
March 21st., I am spending the day with my sister at the hospital for an out-patient surgery. My sister has no children in our state and I am taking her in to have stints put in her left leg. It will be a long day as she has to lay flat for several hours after the procedure to make sure the artery is sealed before releasing her. You see, my sister was an alcoholic for many years so she would not get blood work done for fear of the doctors finding out she was alcoholic. She quit drinking 4 years ago because she knew something was wrong. With 6 months of sobriety under her belt, her health became worse. She was diagnosed with stage 4 diabetes. Doctors figure she was diabetic for at least 10 years before diagnosis. She suffers from low blood pressure (causes light headedness, muscle weakness and fatigue), and severe neuropathy from nerve damage as a result of high blood sugar all those years she was drinking. She still works full time in an office which works for her because she sits most of the day. However she can not be too physically active because it causes her blood pressure to drop. The legacy of dysfunction takes it toll!! Please take care of yourselves, our health is not something that we can take for granted, (((hugs and love to everyone)))!!
My brother has made complete mush out of those kids of his. Even throughout the years, my other siblings and me have realized how socially undeveloped they are.
Well, thank you very much for your input. On a very personal level for me, I being the eldest of the four siblings, and because I had to be so in charge since I was so young, I decided years ago that I'd be minimally involved once each of us went our separate ways with our lives. Well, I can tell when even now for what's going on, if I try to say something to my sister about being mindful not to become overly involved, etc. that I sense it hits a nerve w/her, since she has a 22 yr. old daughter still living w/her who I wrote about previously, who acts like a diva. Yes, and my sister is already showing, and telling me what she plans on doing now that my brother is in the circumstance he's in. At another level, I don't think that's any of her business. I love my sister, however I don't like this taking over, and as you've said not allowing things to just be, or the people who need to take responsibility for their own problems.
Once again, thanks, your very insightful emjo! Hugs, Margeaux
Truely Margeaux, no one can rescue anyone else. You can lead a horse to water but you cannot make them drink. You can support your bro to a healthier lifestyle, if he wants one, or through whatever he is going through healthwise, you can be available to be supportive to his kids too, but they have to take the steps. It is not healthy to get so involved that it is a detriment to your own life. I agree entirely that they created their own dysfunction, and only they can work their way out of it. And don't let them take up too much space in your head either - basically that means don't worry about them. To be concerned is normal, to spend a lot of time worrying is not good for you.
As far as your sis is concerned, I don't know how she plans on "fixing" a family - driving out there when she herself has a sore throat wasn't the best thing she could do for herself. Sounds like she has enough on her plate right now with your mum, and anyway, no one can "fix" anyone else.
Take care. I think you are on the right track. Your bro is a grown man - time to put his big boy boxers on and deal with his life.
izzy - I am with the others - your son needs 100% of your attention at the mayo. Mum will pitch a fit of some kind but so...? It is her choice to deal with it gracefully or not, and your choice to go along with her or not.
burned - hope your head is better
cattails - how are things at home with you?
cmag - hope things are resaonable and your roof isn't leaking
jessie -thinking of you and your mum - let us knnow how you are when you can
sharynmarie, ucant, banshee, austin, brandy - thinking of all of you -let us know how it is going
(((((hugs))))
jo