The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

I woke up this afternoon, in a bad place, tearful, on my way in to what I call a "funk". So I dug in my heels, prayed and recalled some things I had learned through therapy. It worked.

I had came in this morning and saw that empty spot where tv used to be and thought how F
*&^D up my family is, how messed up we are as a family, I felt the old pain, and hurts, wondering and knowing at the same time the source of this crazyness. The mental illness and how the dyfunction is passed on and continues. Then I remembered how my mother didnt even want me to watch either of the tv's, how she would turn them off while I was watching something or unplug them and put chairs and towels infront of them. And I thought oh wow, I had vowed she didnt ever have to worry about me getting her a tv again. Then here I am thinking to get another tv put a lock on the plug and then also chain it to the bars to window or something.

I just know things are going to get worse. I just dont know what to do to protect myself and my rights. I am so highly insulted at the invasion of trust and honor which is nothing new so why am I mourning this.

Also, I called place to make apt. for interview the woman says to be sure and bring in the disability certification. I had previously put visually impaired on my application form and have since changed it. I guess this was an older one. So I ask her what if I cant get form completed and she says I go on regular waiting list so that is where i stand now.

I was desparate for housing and decided to use my poor vision as a disability. I told I was very close to being legally blind in high school. I was eligible for an NYC bus driver postion, took test, passed and they stopped hiring before they got to my number. Then they called me again and I failed the vision they say the requirments were changed.

So here my trying to be smart backfired. So now I am kind of releived because the place was really too far out of my area of operation. I know I need to get out and I dont really think I can afford it.

Then I spoke to the social worker case manager who put me in for the therapy. I have to redo my intake again and they will most likely help me pay for the therapy.

The topper of my day was that I went down and heated up my mothers meal. She was sitting playing with stuff in a large suitcase and reading wording on an old block party banner. I sit there and start feeding her as she read and duig through bag. I am thinking I will have to start getting down earlier so I can take more time and feed her. Anyways when I come down to leave out she is smacking her lips and scaping the plate. Now that made my day.

Gershun, you are so right and your advice is always right on.

Ali, I admire your many qualities that I have noticed. You are so resilient and understanding. What you posted about your friend shows how much you loved and cared for her. That the growth and years of friendship was a period of growing to understand and embrace her. You seem to know and understand her innermost pain and turmoil and life experience. You are a wonderful person just becuase of that in my book. You love hard. People do move in and out of our lives. For a reason and sometimes a short season sometimes forever. Friends grow apart. Who knows what is in her heart now or what was. Move on, she has to find her own way and figure this out. Its difficult and thus the blame. But when someone shows you who they are believe them especially when it hurts you.

Hard.

You got good things going on, maybe new friends is in the mix. You have a beautiful heart.

Ali,
Was trying to be supportive.
What I meant was, your friend announced and accused you of chaos, and I thought that was unfair for her to blame you, for her own stuff. Make sense now?

Reading my post over (when you said there was a lot of generalities there), I go oops, what did I say? Except for my brief reference to you, I was speaking in general, not that it applied to you.

Did I mess up? Sorry. I see that I did not say what I meant, or even say anything of value.

I posted here in early December about my difficult daughter, but things have changed since for me. After a shattering discussion with the daughter 1 who is not giving me problems, I finally accepted that daughter 2 is now a different person from the particularly loving and empathetic person she was before she married age 30 or thereabouts. She is now self-centred, image-conscious, and not very tolerant. She is also ‘busy’, so is far less bothered by the falling-out than I am at age 71. Her children are not particularly pleasant, she only wants me to see them for ‘image’ photos, and it is making things even more painful for me. I will go non-contact until my heart heals. Reading other people’s problems at least helped me to realise that not all families are as close as my sisters and my late mother. Thank you.

Send, it seemed as if my friend was content enough to ghost me, but I wasn't ok with that. When a few months went by and she wasn't replying to my texts, and I could feel she was cold to me but I didn't know why, so I asked her... "Why?"

I asked her if she could put it into words, why she was mad at me. I think I'm catching some unfair blame, but really, it's not the point. She's paying dearly for her mistakes. And, she has to work on herself and she's right about that.

I think that it's difficult for people with Borderline PD, which she has, to have many close friendships in general. And then this friend in particular, E, has a tendency to be kinder on the outside than what she is thinking on the inside. She is emotionally giving more than she should too often and she doesn't seem to know how to balance that out very well for herself right now.

She really does need to do some work on herself, and I'm all for that. She's hit a major bump in her recovery. The only part I might be a little sad about is that she thinks that any of her issues are because of me, somehow. But it isn't like I don't understand the desire to blame someone else, even in part, for the problems in our own personalities and lives. Maybe it's true, and I'm just not that great for her right now, who knows.

Gershun, friendships certainly change, don't they? And friendships with women have a history of being more challenging to me, too, than friendships with men, but my friendships with women are also more rewarding and closer.

I just planned a short vacation for early February and I'm meeting up with good music buddy man friend from Portland, OR in Vegas for a few days. I wanted to take a short trip for fun in February and my first choice was to take bestie female friend. But she's busy with her own life and stuff right now. Sometimes men are just less complicated in certain ways and make better buddies. There's a lot of generalities implied in that statement but whatever works for you. We all need friends, however we get them, whatever flavor they come in.

Everybody needs friends.
When it gets too hard, take a break.
No need to "announce" and "accuse" your friend of chaos. Sorry that happened with your friend, Ali.
Myself, felt used up over the holidays, so minding my own business with a neighbor, who came to expect I was somebody she could use up. When expectations do not meet yours, back up but do not burn any bridges. It causes them to panic. I am not a caregiver to my neighbors, really cannot call that friends.

I have difficulty with interpersonal relationships, so always look to myself as the issue. I was coached by a therapist years ago. However, sometimes, it is them, not you!

I love my friends here on AC! Sometimes it feels good just to see that they have been around, clicked "like" even if there is no time to write. I would choose my friends on AC over others. Maybe that is not healthy, but friends reach out, stay in touch, consider others, and all sorts of feel good things. Some friends are so polite, I strive to be like them.

FrazzledMama I’m putting in Job applications and looking elsewhere. I am lucky to get one day off in a two week period. And she’s only 53.

Ali, I've ended a couple of long term friendships in my life. It's unhealthy to stay in situations that are not good for you including friendships. I'm not saying this is what happened to you but I think people change, drift apart etc. Or in your friend's case maybe she just associates what happened to her with you cause she was with you that night.

But, in my case, I have always been more of the giver in most of my friendships. The one who phoned people up to make plans, lent money, was dissed when a man came into the picture, you know the drill. When I got into my thirties I got rid of old baggage and that included people that were not truly my friends and never truly had my back. I've been burned by a lot of women. When I was in elementary school it was my best friend since 1st grade that instigated the bullying against me that lasted throughout elementary school and long into high school. Women or in this case girls can be brutal.

I choose my friends really carefully now. In fact, I don't really have any true women friends anymore. My Mom was my bestie. There are a couple of people on Aging Care who I consider my friends and I've never met either but that's about it for friendships for me.

I hope that your friend resolves her issues and maybe you can still have her in your life.

Golden, I hope you feel better. I remember you posting about balancing the magnesium supplements. Do probiotics help.

I am checking out this Matt Kahn on utube some of his themes I agree with, makes so much sense but is easier said than done. I like his manner and I do know if you keep saying and doing you start to acutally believe. Like I have been brainwashed to be the foot stool for my family.

Oh how I wish I could just blink and be healed of all this sickness and craziness. And I know its going to get worse. And I know I dont know what to do about it. And maybe I should just let it go and watch how is plays out.

One thing I do know is I am focusing on keeping my head. My pressure didnt blow up. I didnt get that swollen head and neck feeling. And I am going to approach this situation slowly and methodicallly. Buit something needs to be done. I mean, dang, my mother doesnt have much of a life as it is. Those two tv's are her only company. I come in and find her standing in the kitchen talking and or arguing with the tv. This is crazy.

Frazzled and Sharyn, Thanks amundo. The possibility of getting my on place is exciting and scary. This place is really to far out and as I have said I just put in for any and everything. The rent is also very high for me and that has always been a major concern. Paying off my tax debt has been a priority.

Sharyn I hope your brother is getting good care and starting to make some progress.

Ahh!! Ali. We get so use to accepting the blame that we acutally feel guilty even when we are not. Seems she is blaming you becuase you knew she was high when she left spa. She knew she was high also. I am sure that if you felt she was in danger you would not have let her go off driving and that in a shell should alleviate your guilt. The levels of and states of being high are relative to the person. All I am saying is if I get into an accident or locked up for drunk driving how crazy to blame someone else. People fight say I am okay or get insulted and go on about their business. Sorry you beating your self up. She is an adult and is reponsible for her own actions and choices.

I am sensitive to this because that is what my narcissistic mother and sister have done to me all their lives. I resent it when I see it. Instead of facing their truth they blame and never grow never get corrected, never correct themselves. Then I am left feeling some type a guilt over shista I didnt do in every situation where something is amiss.

Please do not allow that masterful manipulation. She wants you to hurt too. Dont fall for it.

Meanwhile, I am feeling tight about my mothers's missing tv. Its abuse in a way. When I asked her about it she was like yes yes you see it tooo, but she cant say what happened. The PO nephew says no. He does not know what happended so this is something from my sister is a sick selfish puppy or my nephew whom I hate to say has theft history. It is wrong from them to take from her. I dont know what the case is but they dont sweep change her bed, feed her in spells and basically dont pay or care much about her.
She is in the house alone and all she has is the tv and some cruddy fingers has taken away a tv that my son bought for my mother.

I am waiting to speak to my care giver support social worker and her director. I dont have time while I am working. I hope my nephew cares enough about my mother to inquire to his mother and brother what happended. And I will put a sign on my sisters door asiking what happended to my mothers tv.

I am strongly considering making a police report. Its just plain old wrong.

Golden, the new roommate seems like she will work out very well, thanks for asking. She's only been here a week so it's all still very new, but she's smart and considerate and I think it will be a nice enough co-living situation. I plan to get one more roommate but I have more work to do on apartment yet before I rent out another room and that may be a few months yet. I can only get to so much on my days off. Everything's going reasonably well for me and I'm grateful. I have bad days often enough that are centered around not feeling well... but I've been dragging myself along through worse, so I'll keep doing it, you know? lol

...

Something happened recently that has to do with the topic of dysfunction, and overcoming dysfunctional patterns in ourselves and in relationships with others.

A girlfriend of mine is putting some distance in our friendship of 25 years due to some bad things that happened to her recently. She came to meet up with me in early November and go to Korean spa where we've met up before. She didn't seem like herself to me, she seemed different and not in a good way, and she told me she was high on Xanax. I was surprised. She left the spa and was arrested that day for driving under the influence and possession of the Xanax, since they aren't her prescription and I think she may have been selling some of them.

She doesn't sound very stable, does she? But here's the thing: she has had a TRULY rough life with a lot of trauma, she's been in therapy for complex PTSD, and she tends to want to medicate those terrible feelings. Who wouldn't?? I can't say I blame her. And I think it was just an incident recently where she fell back into an old dysfunctional way of stuffing feelings down under some pills, and it bit her in the butt in a BIG way. She is now dealing with lawyers to fight her charges, etc.

Strangely, she somehow associates ME with being some part of her trouble. I'm not clear on exactly why, and it doesn't matter. She knows she needs to do some work on herself and she feels it's best to focus on that, and not continue our friendship right now. I had to agree that that seems reasonable.

It just stinks because she's a good friend and I love spending time with her. I also want her to be healthy and happy more than I want to get the enjoyment of her friendship. So I have to let her go, and vice versa. For now.

For two dysfunctional people, I'm actually kind of proud of the two of us figuring out what we needed to do here and being able to do it with love... for the most part.

She hadn't been speaking to me for months and I knew something was amiss but I had to pull it out of her to figure out that she links me to her own chaos. I can't even disagree completely with her assessment. I AM at times a chaotic person, due to mental illness issues and my own dysfunction. It's a little bit sad that we can't be close right now but it is what it is.

Girlsaylor- I'm glad you found us here. Yes there is a lot of great support. I found this site last year and don't know how I would have made it through without so many supportive people here that "get it".

Golden- I hope your tummy gets to feeling better. I know grief/stress can play havoc with the digestive system, and if you have IBS that just makes it worse.

Duck- I hope the new place works out for you, or if not that one, another one soon. I think it will really help your stress level to get some distance. Try and get some rest and just wait to see what nephew says about the tv. There may be some crazy explanation about it being moved, or not, but once he responds you'll have a better idea what's going on.

SharynM- Enjoy the break, it sounds like it'll be fun. I hope your brother starts feeling better soon too and that the docs can find some meds that help him.

NoMore- It sounds like you are burned out and definitely need a break. It takes a toll on your health, especially if the person you are caring for is very difficult or mean. I hope you are able to get some respite. Your health is very important too.

Not much going on here, still haven't put up the tree and decorations yet, but plan on packing them away on the next few days. I don't miss the hectic hullabaloo of Christmas but I will miss the cozy feel of all of the Christmas stuff in here.

So far, no mom drama this year, but we're just getting started. I hope 2019 is a bit calmer and less chaotic than 2018 was. I still wait for that other shoe to drop, unfortunately. We shall see. On a more positive note, we've had some nice January weather this past week. I think it's supposed to be about 60 degrees again today before turning colder again later this week. Yeah, our weather here is bipolar. Yesterday almost felt like springtime.

Hope everyone has a good week, I'm going to enjoy this nice sunshine and warmth before I have to go back to the sweaters and plugging in the electric blanket. :(

Well I’m putting in job applications and contemplating just breaking up with my partner long enough to get on my feet. I’m not eating anywhere near enough and I took a long look at myself in the mirror and noticed that I can see all my ribs and my spinal ridges. Of course the person I care for would just start saying how when she was my age she could see HER ribs and how men prefer us skinny and how she took amphetamines to get skinny after having a child. Funny because she’s like Petunia Pig. Sorry not sorry. I’m so damn done. Stick a fork in me because I’m done.

duck, awesome something came available to move. Of course you will have big changes and if this place is too far from work, maybe something will come along that is closer, soon.

Golden, sorry to hear about your tummy issues. Stress can do so much to our bodies, causing different symptoms. I sure hope it will settle down soon for you.

I’m going to take 4 days off for a mini vacation starting the 13th. I’m excited to have a bit of a break. I want to work n reupholstering the seat cushions on the chairs for my hubs grandparents dining set. I’m kinda of wanting to repaint it, but.....I don’t know if hubs will allow it, lol!!

Thursday we are planning to take a drive to Bogus ski basin just to check out the area. We have had very little snow this winter but it has been colder than normal.

Glad, I hope you are enjoying your new home! They finally started building in the lot next to us. The framing is done.

Best wishes for the New Year!

Ok so I text nephw that I came home. Tv in kitchen is missing do you know what happened. I dont expect a resonable answer and pray this does not become crazy. Going listen to Kahn on utube untill i fL asleep

The tv was in kitchen on an unused dryer and was worki g fine. There were times my motber has unhooked cables and took cords. There is nothing there nkw but cable box and cords. I dont want to feed into possible spite or selfish motive or theft i just dont know.

Here I go again.... I get home and find flat screen tv my son bought is missing! I am holding on texting nepbew or calling police. I need to get some sleep before I get ready to go to feed my mother and go to work.
Any advice please.

Well I hope everyone is in a good place.

I finally got a letter for an interview for ?studio or ? one bedroom. Studio monthly is 1,350 and the 1 bedroom is 1700. I do not like the area and its a nice ride to my mothers and adds another hour on my transport to work so I am feeling crazy on one hand and know the need for me to get out on the other. Plus its a lot of paperwork and forms to bring to interview. I am leaning to set it up even if for practice. The rent would hit me hard but thats the way it is in NYC so I think I will check it out even if just for infor.

GirlSaylor, I am glad you are getting something good here. I cannot express my surprise and happiness at finding such a forum that could actually help this broken, shattered mind and heart.

Ali, I binge watched Vanity Fair. Loved it. Great tip. I also love Medecci and now I had avoided Reign but its my new love. I watch them all and often run out of series to watch then reach out for somethinbg else. VF was a short but sweet binge.

Golden, (((HUGS))) I havent been on the whine thread for a while must check it out because I know the post will help me. I know I will be in that place one of these days maybe.

My homework in therapy was to watchy Matt Kahn, "Healing Core Wounds", I am listening to now as I post and after a pleasant introduction he has gotten to the nitty gritty and I am going to watch it when I can focus on it. He walks you through healing with mantras.

My mother is still not eating to good. Even when I fix her favorites. The pain of watching her age and the changes is a tad lessened but still hard. It gets to be very aggravating and frustrating trying to cook and clean around her its like she getts wound up and starts buzzying all over the place. Taking things apart like the coal dust pan under the grill or the agitation in the middle of the washing machine. Not to mention the tugging and fighting to get something I am using or just bought out to use. It was real cute the other day because I bought bag of papernapkins and said she is going to mess these up. Forgot all about it and put them where I normally do. so when she picked up the bag I automatically reached for it and just as she do with everything like a little 3 year old she quickly turns then calls her self hiding it from me with. When she turned around to see if I saw I was looking right at her and she was so tickled I had to laugh. I fix her plate and she wrapps it up and put it in a bag. and its a job to get it back not to mention that she thinks I am being me and crazy. OH Boy. Sometimes I trully wonder what's it all about. When I worked EMS and saw a lot of weird crazy sh#%Rt I kind of lost that question, Why? I felt then as I do still that when we learn that anwer when we die. So much pain so much saddness so much stress and then I can laugh with my and dont even know what she is finding funny and I think its nice that she is begining to do that now.

Anyways I was on my way to rambling on and on and on that theme.

Through it all though, I feel good, much better in my heart and spirit then I have in a good while and I wish that all for everyone for what ever it is that is happening in there lives.

girlsaylor - thx for that information. I haven't been formally diagnosed with IBS but it often accompanies CFS/FM with which I have been formally diagnosed and it runs in the family - mother, grandmother, daughter and cousins. All my symptoms point to it. I mostly have it under control, but it has flared up since mother died. I am allergic to gluten and haven't eaten any for years. Doctors here are often pretty useless - one of my reasons for wanting to move south. When I told my latest dr that I had CFS/FM he just looked sad and shrugged. I insisted on being referred to an Infectious Disease Specialist some years ago when I had a yeast infection in my gut. My dr. didn't diagnose it, I did. The IDS was great, confirmed my diagnosis and gave me appropriate treatment which I had asked for from the my dr but he said it wouldn't help, I am over that now since a couple of years. My IBS-D affects me in the morning and I am usually good the rest of the day. It may well be bile induced. My dd had that but she is OK now. Whatever it is I think it is very stress related and I know that will settle down eventually. Meanwhile I watch my diet for triggers like FODMAPS, eat small meals, and am just now taking Imodium regularly, I only need one tablet in the morning and then I am OK so it isn't that bad. I take one when I travel to be safe.

I know part of my grief reaction right now is irritability - see my whine/rant. Even though I was not close to mother, her passing impacts me. Its not that I miss her, but I see myself having some symptoms of grief. I think it is to be expected. So glad you are doing better.

Golden, I saw your post a little farther down about IBS flare, and Imodium helping. I also suffer from IBS D, my entire life, probably a genetic component, as two of my sons are diagnosed with IBS D, but could be Crohns. Third son has Crohns.
My IBS D has been so life-altering, so severe. Until we recently relocated once again. Different state, all new doctors. My new gastro couldn’t seem to help me, same as all the gastros before him. Viberzi didn’t help me, Dicyclomine works only so-so. He even got me a trial of the Xifaxan, which I could not afford, for possible SIBO. Didn’t work. So, he prescribed me a trial of Cholestramine. The test for faulty liver is not available in the US. Basically, it treats excess bile-induced diarrhea, caused when the liver does not properly take bile back up from the bloodstream. Excess bile in the bloodstream can cause chronic diarrhea. Finally! Somebody did a meds trial to arrive at the true medical diagnosis, since the nuclear medicine test can’t be done in the auS to test for it. I may still have IBS D, but most definitely am almost normal, most days, with this medication., along with Dicyclomine. A real life saver. He prescribed twice a day. But the old timey pharmacist coached me, said that’s probably too much. I take as needed, and it appears to work taking it once every other day, for me.
While I’m not suggesting you are misdiagnosed, it did, in fact, happen to me. I can’t believe the lifetime I’ve suffered, not properly diagnosed. I wish it could be this easy for everybody suffering with IBS D.

Sharon, so sorry to hear about your brother. He has been through a lot and it's natural I think for anyone to accept such. a dramatic change in their life. He is blessed to have a loving caring supportive sister. It takes time and faith to process and accept reality and our limitations. It's a painful process and in time with grace and faith he will find the strength and motivation to move past this. So many times I freeze, can't handle and lose my hope and feel so broken but my faith and the goodness of God's Grace leads me to places like this forum and other guidance that breaks the hold. Love is a powerful thing and your support and love and understanding will help see him through this. Be strong and hang in there. It's a heavy load caring and loving. My heart and prayers are with you.

hi ali - hope you are feeling better. How is your room mate working out? Many wishes for a great new year.

girlsaylor - I agree. It is very supportive So glad you are looking after your medical issues as well as caring for your hub. We can only do so much so sometimes our stuff gets put on the back burner.

Imodium is my wonder drug. Had a very good day, got lots done, guts behaved, It is an easy fix. Tackled the pile of mail on the dining room table and think I have all I need for dealing with mother's stuff. Still have some phone calls to make, tax stuff to deal with and a visit to the bank, but it is looking doable. Nothing urgent for me but a late water bill which got paid. I found a new doctor in town taking new patients, whose office is just a few blocks away so I made an appointment for the end of January. Hope she works out.

Be good to yourselves everyone -you deserve it.

Just want to say how supportive this group is. I see so much collective wisdom in posts on every topic imaginable. We are all different, but for every hurdle, we jump together here.
Today I was interrupted three different times, trying to wash the screened patio, where my kitties spend their time. Litter gets tracked, clings to fur, then rain blows in. It’s an ongoing mess, but I try to use it as social time with the furry kids. The interruptions were three different medical phone calls. All to coordinate care for me. Diabetic eye exam needed scheduled. Then got a call, radiology wanted breast ultrasound, funky, lumpy mammogram. Then call confirming they did get prior films from last mammogram, done in another state, before we moved here. Still issues they need to take a closer look at. Oh, actually, a fourth doctor’s office call, hubs’ care. For a change I’m getting on with my own medical issues, which I’ve been delaying during my spouse’s recent medical crises. So it goes. If we live long enough, we get old, ha!
I hope each one here receives some lifting up, here, as needed. Different ones doing the lifting up at different times, but we can all come here to refresh.

I'm watching different versions of Vanity Fair on Amazon Prime lately.

I was feeling very bad for a bit the past couple of days, wondered if my thyroid was messed up again or what. But I think it was just too much rich food and too many alcoholic drinks over the holidays. We shall see. I'm treating my headaches with psilocybin these days and that works well for me. It isn't a legal substance and also I don't care. It helps me and I've learned how to take just a little bit on my day off work, then I don't get the bad headaches. New psych doc prescribed an SNRI and I tried it... again. Had same bad reaction as previously. I can't seem to take any of that type of medication. New psych was fine with me trying to self medicate with this well-studied alternative medication. And what can I say...? It simply helps with some very painful symptoms, and also alleviates the agitation I get with the anxiety disorder. Anywho... I'm glad to have an option that doesn't seem to have any bad side effects that I can see.


I haven't felt I have much to contribute to this thread in months but I still read. Welcome to the new posters. This is a great source of support for those who are in any kind of caregiving situation.

Hello to everyone, and I hope the New Year is full of good things for all of you. Hugs.

fraz - thx - too long!!! Had some anger today about that I know it is part of grief. The house has many good features. I will take a look at it soon. A couple of friends have driven by and say it is a great neighbourhood.

glad - yes a house -backwards I know. Found out that there will be a lot of construction around the condo in the next years, including a 4 lane highway going right past it. The house price is very good being outside of the city. Hope you are over that bug and have found your kitchen stuff.

jade -happy new year to you too. I bet you are burned out. I haven't had a retirement yet either. I am so sorry about your friend with cancer. I have lost a couple of friends to that horrible disease. If you could arrange some time off for yourself that would be good. Could you not draw up a caregiver contract with your mother?

sharyn - glad your wifi is back. Sorry to hear about your bro. He has been through so much. I trust he will get past this too.

duck -wishing you all the best in the new year too. Glad you are finding things to help.

My IBS has flared up a bit. I suppose it reflects the stress of all that has happened. Watching "Hello Dolly" right now. Its a good distraction.

Good night all!

Good nite, sleep tight.

Happy New Year everyone!!!! Again and again and again. It was a lovely morning when I got off. When I left for work my mother ate her meal like a champion (with me feeding her :( :). So I felt on top of the world. No sign of sister, or food excep a syrup container on mantle piece. No trash that I see except what I throw out. Its so sad. But it is what it is. I threw out more stuff on way out. My goodness I dont know where she gets this stuff!!! It would be funny if it wasnt so frustrating. I also grabbed yes grabbed two pills from her she had folded in a tissue. I guess pills my sister supposedly gave her for her pressure. Only way I know is because I open her mail. So I will be notifying doctor of this. I am kind of twisted about doctor. Because even if they changed her clothes and didnt bathe her, he should have noted the odor even if mild. I guess she has to lose weight or have a highly elevated blood pressure to take true notice of my calls and reports which I am sure get dismissed easily. Well thats my first job of the year, notify doctor.

I hope you all are well and in good spirits. I am really checking out this self awakening topics on utube. It makes sense. A little hard to grasp some points (I wonder why :) ) But on the whole I like it.

Rays of love light and peace to all, and lots of (((HUGS)))

Jade, I have actually been back to work for three years now. The first year was a nightmare, went out of state to a less competitive market. Now I know why it was less competitive 😲. After a year back to my home state, and a much smaller community, which I am enjoying, thoroughly. Two years here now. The miserable year served its purpose to get me back to my career.

Thank you Glad, I hope so too.

Sorry to hear about your brother, Sharyn. I hope that they find a way to help him soon.

Glad, yes many people were first concerned of terrorists with century links wide spread outage. Fortunately it was back up the next day.

Happy New Year to everyone! I hope this year is calming and quiet.

My brother has had no change since back at Stanford. His issues are emotional not physical. Along with panic attacks, he is suffering from ICU delirium with hallucinations. He is seeing psychiatrists so hopefully he can overcome all this.

Have a good January 1st and take little short breaks for yourself.