notrydoyoda Posted January 2012
The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?
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Blackhole LOL that made my morning. Wee cocktail ahye.
Very merry to you - and everyone else on AC Forum 🎄
Rays of love joy and peace to you all. ((((((HUGS))))))
Send, I understand that fear and fright, its a lot of sick people out there. He was trying to intimidate you. I hope you do not let that experience scare you from driving.
Golden I have not caught up at all. I just want to extended warm wishes to you. I can imagine how hard it is for you and I hope the moments come in soft waves.
I have been having a few moments every now and then. Shams daughter had her baby yesterday a boy. I cried a bit, Sometimes I feel like I am a bundle of emotional nerves.
Then to top it off I put tree in between front windows in living room and found that someone moved it back on a lamp tablke where I l put it to decorated and left for a while. I was insulted and moved it back with a note when you buy a tree which I doubt will happen, then put you put it where you want. You want to move something pick up a broom or do something in the house for your mother. I can't deny how this stuff makes me feel. Today it was moved again but on a currio shelrf esxtendtion by the window. I guess it was all for some perceived safety. the only issue is really it would get broken. She did not buy it so I think there is more to it. I did not get this tree to give my twisted something to reign over. I am thinking to just put it away. my mother is not aware of the season. I am more worried about her eating. There has not been a tree in the house since I last put one up and sat there watching my sister and her daughter in law change all types of giftsw intentionally leaving me out. It didtn hurt as much as revealed who my sister is and what she is about. Maybe I will put it in my window and light itr up for her. LOL. Its not really funny but I had to chuckle at that one as I pictured it.
Anyways this stress, mourning can be so drastically draining. Then on top of it all my therapy is no longer free and I will be going every other week. We have been doing reiki only I have not settled long enough at home to do it. I feel something in my heart when my sister does these3 type things. Same issues from when we were young. She would do shyst then Id get in trouble . I broke the toilet one time. I dont know why my parents never sat us down to settle these things. Or maybe they just couldnt chastise their monster. Then a medical issue has me concerned and hoping its just something simple. But making an apt and getting it takes for ever.
Anyway I went out to dinner with my friends. I was so very tired but I had been looking forward to this for a while. It was nice. Long ride there and I couldnt fall asleep during ride going or trainride back. Thankfully this afternoon when I awoke I felt better.
Loneliness is coming around. I am trying not to give into. Sometimes I just wonder whats the point in my struggle.
Well today is Christmas eve, eve. Last night on way home the christmas cheer was contagious especially in the young men (I guess cause that is all whom I saw last night) in the neighborhood. They seemed extra curteous and high spirited and it rubbed off on me. I looked at the sky and it was beautiful looked to be a full moon.
When I got home it was obvious no one had came in or out. The mail was still in the gate. No new food was there for my mother and she hadnt eaten anymore that what I fed her before I left. Nor did it look like she had anyfurther attention,
This is what really bothers me, with my sick puppy sister. Instead of worrying about that tree the focus should be on my mother. and okay she has a campaign against anything I do. Nothing I can do about it. My mother suffers in the end. Maybe that is her karma. I want mines to be right so I try and pray for the strenght to do and understand what is right for my mother. But honestly sometimes its really hard and sad.
=
Speaking of Ballance, Moderation and Simplistic, this has been the Most Stress Free and relaxed holiday preparation that I've ever experienced, it's Fantastic!
I decided to do All of my Christmas shopping online, and I have not even stepped into a store other than the grocery store this entire holiday season, and its been Fantastic! I did send hubby out for some additional wrapping paper and cello tape, but that's it! Now if only I could wake up and have all my gifts magically wrapped up for me, then Everything would be Golden!
We are spending Christmas Eve at our Eldest Son and DIL's house with all 4 kids, spouses and Grandies, and then have a quiet Christmas dinner (hubby is doing the cooking, he likes to make the traditional Turkey Dinner, Yea Me!) here at our home with a couple of our kids/ spouses, and eldest Step-Grandson and that is it, Done and Done!
I very much enjoyed our "all ladies holiday luncheon" this year with sisters, cousins and close family friends that we have each year, plus had lunch with my 5 siblings out at our favorite restaurant this past week, so I've really been enjoying myself, and fairly stress free to boot!
I also did a day of baking with 2 of my sisters earlier in the month, and then did some cookie decorating/frosting the next day with my 2 younger Grandsons, so a bit of fun in the kitchen too! Now that I've got the hang of this online shopping thing down, I'll never go back to traditional Christmas shopping in the crowds, ever again!
One thing we have not done was our traditional night time downtown, see all the shops lit up and decorated, Santa, the carousel, ice skating rink and Hot Cocoa expedition, but we might just go after Christmas with the Grandies, there's still time yet, we just weren't able to coordinate it with them, they are all so busy as there is So much holiday fun you can do in the Seattle area, and the Parents really try do to hit them all, it's amazing and so darn expensive too! I'm glad we aren't raising kids in this day and age!
So except for a bit more Christmas wrapping (gotta get that done tonight!), we are all set!
Golden, sounds like you are well on your way with your Executor duties, it is exhausting I know! So glad that you are home safe now, and hopefully getting some much deserved rest too! I enjoyed reading the Beautiful posts you wrote about your Mother and her life, she sounds like an amazing person who gave so much of herself to others! You have honored her so nicely since she passed, and I'm sure she was so very proud of you too! Time to take a break from it all, and Enjoy a restful Christmas few days!
Glad, so happy to hear that you have been enjoying your family, as well as a night out with your local friends too! You need to do more of that, so that you can widen your friend circle there in your town. You are going to be a permanent resident now that you are settled into your Beautiful New Home! Have a Wonderful Holiday!
SharynM, enjoy your Grandies! Christmas is such a Wonder to the little ones, so soak it all up, as they grow up so Fast!
Dduck, I hope you are feeling better after the loss of your Dear cousin! I'm glad you have reconnected with other family members over your loss, it would be good for you to stay connected to extended family. Don't pay any attention to your Twisted Sis, the anguish is just not worth it, and only causes you the pain. Now get out there and enjoy the Reason for the Season, and find the happiness in The Birth of our Savior Jesus Christ! Merry Christmas!
I hope Everyone enjoys the Holidays in your own Special way! Try not to stress over the things that just don't matter! Happiness begins in your Own Heart! Peace on Earth and Good Will Towards Man! MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!
He was out of Uber and buses stopped, and he was working late.
Driving home last night, there was a black pickup truck following too closely, riding my bumper and honking. I changed lanes and slowed, he initially slowed, as if waiting for us, then went on ahead, speeding, but had pulled off a side street, lying in wait! ! Then came up behind us ! Called 911, pulled over into a parking lot with stores at direction of police.
We waited, pickup truck did not follow. I was so very shaken. 10:30 p.m.
And, My response, I was weaving while dialing 911 on my cell! Too dangerous a situation to stop and pull over. There are persons out there wanting to come after me! Maybe.
The only thing I could imagine that I did wrong was to drive too slow (which is the speed limit), pulled into his lane (it was 25+ ft in front of him), and he is on drugs with road rage, on a Saturday night, guessing.
Now, I am afraid to be out there, knowing this is an over reaction after checking with a friend. But I must stick to my own rules that I made for myself:
No driving on a full moon. No matter what. I lost the ability to respond well in an emergency, even though I am still a good driver. I now drive like an old lady.
Golden - I managed to read back a few pages and discovered you just lost your Mom. My deepest condolences to you and your family. I love what you said about her lack of fear over death; rather she was curious. A beautiful gift indeed. Thank you for sharing. Comfort and blessings to you.
Sharyn, how was cookie making?
Send, bruises. Ugh!
Golden, thinking of you and paperwork.
Trust requires biyearly reporting. Nothing in a year. Just asked ts2 for trust info a few weeks ago. She told me an amount. Now in three weeks time the balance is 35k less. Looks like an IRA withdrawal may be the reason. But, IRA withdrawal after mom has passed? And of course she now wants to charge the estate for her non-management. No reporting. And I think the state defines the amount that the executor can charge. Now she wants sign off on Monday. HUH?! Emailed her to tell her I am not comfortable signing anything until I have a better understanding. She is fuming now I am sure. And no mention of mom's business and fabrics that are in the trust. I really do not understand what she is doing. No mention of mom's van that ts2 has hung onto for four years now or mom's wedding ring that is probably worth a tidy sum on its own.
Just not at all transparent. And a fee for accounting? Who to? For what? Who the heck knows. She just sent a summary, if there was an IRA withdrawal what was it for and when was it?
UGH!
I visited my mom this week to assess her mood and set the groundwork for what was happening Christmas Day. She already has an edge when she mentions DS’s girlfriend, who’s a really lovely woman and really good for DS. I know it’s because Mother is peeved that GF didn’t sit and fawn over her on Thanksgiving. I had to mention to DS that Grandma is in a lousy mood and may be testy with his GF. I let her get to me on Thanksgiving....no repeat on Christmas.
Sorry about hub's bruises. We all make choices and experience the consequences of them (thinking of hubs here,) The perils of dangerous traffic are worse than preventable bike accidents, IMO. But I know you worry about him.
"For me, moderation is the key - not overspending, over eating, over socializing, over giving or over doing of any kind, Keep it simple, stress-free and sincere. Be true to yourself."
I second that...except I stopped trying so hard last week. Don't you just cringe when people don't do their jobs right? Gov't is shutting down here, they say.
You are doing a great job, and like you said, everything in moderation.
When I stopped driving due to the traffic is dangerous, hubs could choose Uber or bus or bicycling to work. He fell, his axle failed, (he installed it wrong), yesterday on his way to work.
There are minor bruises.
Hmmmm.
You too, sharyn, with the cookie baking. I think grandma will have fun too!
Thinking if everyone and the various stresses that this season can bring.
For me, moderation is the key - not overspending, over eating, over socializing, over giving or over doing of any kind, Keep it simple, stress-free and sincere. Be true to yourself.
Wish I would wake up better in the mornings, but maybe I can be grateful that I wake up at all lol. Waiting for the plumber again. Hopefully we will connect today and he won't charge me extra as it is the weekend. He is just coming to assess the job. In any case, it needs to be done.
Spent a lot of time getting a hold of one govt office re cancelling things for mother, then the person on the phone insisted on giving me the wrong information about something. I checked it out and there is no form ISP 1203 - only ISP 1200. I am making a few mistakes too, Made an error on the SIN I gave the funeral director, so I emailed him the correct one. He answered that the death certificates would have to be redone and the old ones shredded. I checked them and they do not have the SIN on them. Then he emailed back and said he had used the SIN from another source so it was correct, and I could use the certs I had. I let it go. I think it is normal for me to make a few mistakes under the circumstances, but they get paid for what they do. Oh, well.
Finding I am not as good at multitasking as I was, though yesterday I had my land line on one ear and my cell on the other trying to get through to offices. But I don't want to get into some paperwork and be disturbed by the plumber. My house needs tidying, laundry needs doing, mail needs sorting and I am not doing any of it for a while. Thank goodness for the volunteer who is shoveling my driveway.
Hope everyone is having a decent day. I will muddle through the rest of mine.
Makeup glasses? Maybe I haven't worn much eye makeup, only mascara, because I can't see, haven't been able to for years.
Waiting for a whack of paper from mother's financial advisor. I guess I will have to brave the elements and check the mail box - tomorrow!
My biggest problem is my eyes which often need a larger font. The cataract surgery did not deal with the blurriness from the CFS. Stuff on line is fine as I can adjust the size, but IRL forms and information can be more difficult.
Solution: I just ordered a large magnifying glass that can hang around my neck, or hold or stand on its legs. I don't suppose my eyes will be getting any better.
Oh, the joys of aging!
May be going to my dd's for Christmas. Her hub just started a new job and has to work Christmas day. Or I may stay home. I am OK either way.
Waiting for the plumber to fix the shower and install new thermostats. I don't think he is going to make it today.
All is good on the dysfun sis front - so far. I won't totally relax till the estate is distributed and some time has passed.
Hope everyone is doing well or, at least, close to well.
gershun -that's funny. Once in hotel I was doing my walk down the halls with my hair in curlers and a cleaning lady laughed and quoted "Curlers in your hair!, Shame on You!" I never heard it before.
ali -glad it is all good. Things are going at least reasonably well. Now we are into the paperwork stage. This is insult upon injury in my mind. You can dissolve a couple of spoonfuls of borax in a glass of water, or just rub it dry into your hair, leave it a while and rinse, It makes your hair really soft.
fraz - it was a a pain at the airport. I know it took me sometime to get used to no gels or lotions in the carry-ons. And beware of scissors, I had a pair of folding scissors confiscated at a court house. It was embarrassing as they saw it in the X ray but it took me ages to located them in my handbag.
madge --it is good stuff. Don't be afraid to try it.
duck - sounds like the funeral went as well as possible. I know you are missing your cousin, Ice skating with the kids sounds like fun. No one can save the world. Working on ourselves is hard enough
Gave myself a day's grace and am now starting to cancel pensions etc. I should have started sooner as I expect this month they will be in her account in the next few days, but then they will just have to be returned. At least I have located the phone numbers I need and actually have cancelled a couple of annuities and health care/blue cross. They did it by phone. Yay!!!! Making progress!!!
Still feeling a sense of freedom. Hope it lasts. I will feel better once the paperwork is done, but at least I know likely it will be over sometime next year.Whew!!! I have paid my dues!!!
Take care, all.
I was just a little twisted that I should have held my money and just waited untill I could do something. I was just feeling like just give them some money becuasue I dont have the time or the spirit in me to be there for them in a significant way. I am already brurnt out from my own issues. Not to mention a worrry about a new medical issue,. which may be just from fibroids hopefully., So I plan to take them iceskating. I am getting old and tire. My heart wants me too save the world, and I cant even help my self sometimes.
Anyways much love to you all. Hang in there. Enjoy this holiday spirit. I know it should be everyday but it seems deeper during this season. Give love, make good memories and take care of YOU. God Bless
My cousin had a beautiful service. It was difficult to see the slow understanding that they would not see their mother again. Its bad enough that it would hit me hard so I know they will have some rough times.
I rode in the limousine with half the children. I will explain later and one point one of the daughters said "she just left us." So I explained that she didnt want them to hurt knowing she was in pain. And I am sure in one way or another she will come to each of her children and make it okay. I can start to babble about that and my experience and things others have shared with me about the death of a loved one. But then it will be one of my famous books and I am going to try to avoid that.
I have lots of things to express about these past few days. One of the things was that my sister nor her two sons showed up for the wake, or the funneral or for any type of support. This was our first cousin, like the immediate family. Then she says she had to stay home with my mother. I was like "Wtf" this girl is off the chain with her lies and manipulation. The thing is that me and my sister grew up with our aunts. We slept together, ate, fought played. Sham was the first baby she was a big deal to us. And I would think you can let issues go when someone is dying or dies unless they have done something horrendous. So I feel a kind of way, embarrassed also for her and my nephews that they didnt have enough depth and understanding or what they meant to her. Or just that they dont care about anybody but themselves. Which I learned the hard way.
Still in all. I am amazed at her strengh. Afew cousins came up from out of town. I told you all how I broke down in the hopstial before she died when I saw her. Something just came over me. It hit me hard and I lost it. It was like I felt the depth of my love for her but had realized how much she meant. So I figure I am good since I got it out there. I was good but when I went to the wake and saw her first time as soon as the tears start to fall two of my cousins seemed like they ambushed me on each side in greeting. Made me smile and gather my self. I am the Godmother of one of their daughters. and later on we talked and she later told me how much I meant to Sham told me somethings that made me cry again and greatful that I did help ease her struggle just because of who I was to her and I ws so grateful to see that because what was happening to us was behind the lines and words in somekind of strange way. Then she asked me if I had seen her last facebook post and she had posted a picture of her as she was in this last stage. Obvious a way of saying goodbye to all. She was a glamour girl, alwayts fly and shopping and showing so that was deep. She left me out of that post.
The other thing is that she got me and my aunt reconnected. This same aunt had her second oldest girl in training(she is a narcisisst just like my mother and sistye, spoild and ugly ways.) Lot of ugly history between her and Sham, This aunt does not like the boys and dont want them in her house. Sham has said this a lot and the husband said same during ride in limosine. So the girls stay with the aund and the boys stay with the father. They live in apartment buildings right next to each other both on the second floor. Only the aunt has 3 bedrooms and sham only had two. I did try to get her to try and get a larger place as these kids were going to grow up and need space. Also the husband was out of the loop of the plan. I gave aunt monies to fill up frig for the kids at the time I didnt know they were no all under same roof. we had discussed this and at some point I felt maybe it was to much for him or he felt funny about. Forgot all my reserves about my aunt and sent her the money. I told him. He says she bought a small pack of ground beef for and 4 chiken breast for him and four boys and didnt mention that I had sent her anything for them.
I havent caught up and just read this page.
Ali I am glad you are happily busy.
Gershun I hope you enjoyed your night out and I remember that "curlers in your hair" commercial. That was a nice flash back for me.
DJ its rough I hope you find a way to deal with situation with mom and not burn out.
'East, vent on. It help release the stress. That is what the forum is about. Saved my sanity.
i love borax for laundry but would never think of it as a shampoo enhancer 💆