The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

The song I had mention in previous post was "Still Here" byt he Williams Brothers. The particular song is a motivator for me recently and reminds me of a private message "still I rise" :)

Sleep tight all!

Rest easy, rays of love light and healing to all.

Golden, I hope you feel better.

Glad, I meant to mention something about the twisteds and jealousy, because I was deeply moved by your post about that.

I wanted to say that we are good, in heart trying to do God's will, giving our all and we do get blessed. What I mean is I see my blessings in my son. Its like non stop, constant, especially when I need something to hold on too.

And I have noticed how my mother and sister oversteeped their boundaries with me as his mother and were insulted and put me down when I would stand my ground. I didnt know what it was all about but as much as I hurt I wont tolerate being bullied.

Well eventually I noticed how my sister and her son's stopped communicating with my son. I felt bad because I knew I was being used as the reason. Then I realized it was another manipulation against me. So now my son and his wife got a whiff of the truth. I cant bring my self to say dont deal with her or them, like my sister has done with her sons.

My mother was the same way always pitting one against the other. And hated me becasue I would not side with her in her wrong.

But anyways in the sense of jealousy, I feel so blessed from what I have been through with my son and that all that magnificent sabatoge he has been exposed to did not work on our relationship. He is his own man and a beautiful person and the fact that I am his mother eats my sister up and I hate to say it but I love it. And in a sense that is what I wanted to communcate to you. Your natural life and relationship is a source of displeasure to those who hate and are

So I am only going to do the treefor the holidays. since my mother has turned in to a nice person to me I feel compelled to make an effort to make special moments for her. I know as usuall it wont be appreciated. I have not been off on thanksgiving and been in my mothers house in ages. Ever since she locked me out for no reason when I went out. I think that is when thanksgivings stopped at the house. And I had been spending my thanksgivings with my son where ever he was. Last thanksgiving was my first one without them and this will be the second one. next year God willing I will be in Korea again for thanksgiing.

Holidays, have always been horrendous for me. Not when my son was growing up and home but always sad even then when it come to me. I raised my son not to focus on me because that is what I knew, and was used to. So I would get upset on mothers day when he would not really make distinction and give me my mother and my sister the same thing.
Anyway I will ramble and ramble, this is that season and so many memories.
I dont know where my road is going to lead. I am in a good place and usually for me that does not last long but I am praying my self up.. Listening to my gospel songs. I listen to a lot but on Kirk Franklin playlist a song call "I made it, God kept me here another day" . These songs take my mind off me and my pain and the crazy that comes in my head, the memories and they make me think of how good God has been and the Grace and How I seem to make it through these storms, and motivates me to care about myself. So I made a big dent in my room before I left for work. If I could keep going like I have been the past few days I could be in better homes and gardens :)

Also, I spoke with case manager the meals are not cut off. I dont know what happend last saturday I waited the whole day,and the saturday before I over slept. So she advised to split days so now I have to be sure to get up on thursday mornings and saturdays morning. Dang!! Dang!!! Heavens to Murgatroy!! I work nights and sleep late. Anyways I am going with the flow and see how it works. I let her know I am very grateful for the service. Its inconvenient but I have no problem trying to do the right thing for my mother. No connect with lawyer. Holidays are here. I suspect it may be a while before I get another appointment.

I guess tomorrow is another day, but better late than never.

My reaction to the flu shot went normally till today when the CFS bus hit me. I thought of hanging out on the whine thread (to which I could have contributed liberally), but decided instead to take some OTC meds which have helped and I got some reading done that I wanted to do before seeing my counselor tomorrow.

My twisted sister has made a new deal with her dd (my niece) re the house and they have had lunch together twice. Roll on the good times! Niece and her hub can rent the house until niece dies, at which point the house will be given to the cathedral. This will become official after 6 months of niece paying rent regularly, Niece is ecstatic, seeming to have forgotten that this is the third arrangement in less than 3 months, so there is lots of time for more drama. So glad they are 1000's of miles away. Physical distance helps.

Had some bad news from a friend - on top of developing a-fib last year she now has Takotsubo cardiomyopathy - also called acute stress-induced cardiomyopathy, or broken heart syndrome. She is on some meds for it, The only stressor in her life before that was her husband's knee replacement which would not typically cause this in a spouse, but she is very high strung. 4 days after she got out of hospital for her heart, her husband's leg (non knee replacement) gave out, he had a few falls, and it has been determined that he has a deteriorated lumbar spine and will likely require surgery. Meanwhile he is on lots of pain killers. He had some retinal problems too. before this happened. Her brother died last week after it happened and her bipolar son is manic right now! All this, of course, increases her stress. They both are younger than I am - she is 75 and he about 78. It is sobering to see people like them going down. They are a couple who have lived right, eaten right, exercised, and had no "bad" habits.

What is that t shirt slogan "Eat right, exercise and you die anyway?" All except mother, that is. My bad, but I couldn't resist it, It is either laugh or cry right now.

Take care all, Be good to you. You don't know what is coming around the corner.

glad - that was a lovely gift to your landlords. You are right the dysfunction does not die, I suspect your twisteds are jealous. Seems to go with the territory. Done and let it go is a good place to be, I am sure it will take you a while to get unpacked. TG at your ex's sounds good. You are so right that care giving changes us.

cmag -your dad's death seems to have stirred up a lot. I suspect your diagnosis is right. You knew her. You have good insights about losing your dad 4 times.

susan - I am so glad to be in Canada where we have TG way ahead of Christmas. It seems like such a marathon in the US. Mother is past any celebrations for which I am thankful. It was always an ordeal.

blackhole - practice practice practice - gets easier in time

fraz - it's that your mother wants HER way and her servant (you) but that is a want and not a need. I think you are very wise not to bring her back to your house. They can be very stubborn. Your sis's duplicity is remarkable. How can people do that? Mother never wanted peace either - she wanted drama with her as the center of it. Probably a good idea to check for PD. Thx - my sadness is replaced with some very mixed feelings hearing that mother could last till she is 110. Yes, emotional caretaker from a young age indeed. It is a role that scars us for life.

duck - you are making progress Let go and let God is good. I find keeping holidays simple is the best for me,

riverdale -we try to do better than we had. I hear you about being embarrassed by your mother. Me too.

Hi7 - You have to look after yourself -do some good things for you or you lose yourself. It may mean you give a little less to your parent, but you deserve care too and they probably are getting quite enough care. With some parents, you can never do enough, or please them so you have to draw lines as you see fit.

needhope - good for you for making a legal appointment. It is important to be on solid ground. Let is know the outcome.

Tomorrow we are going to legal appt...hoping for a go between there I hope he will have some good advice.

Cmag my heart goes out to you.

Hi7, keep posting, for one thing, and stay in prayer. Caring for our loved ones is very taxing to our very essence. Posting here saved my sanity, helped me learn so many things about mental illness and dysfunction and most of all the understanding and feeback was awesome.

One thing I can say is that the advice I got on my first few visits were on point but impossible to me. Now, I see that I need to do exactly what was advised from practically everyone for my own good.

And I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for caring enough to respond and tell it like it is. I apprectiate the honesty and the patience and the understanding.

Glad, its good to no APS knows vindictiveness and spite. Your post hit home for me.
Today my mother didnt want to eat not the first time at all but it makes me feel down. She didnt eat food but I found her tearing into a apple turnover. she did the same earlier in the week when I was off. I bought them in she ate two and i just knew it would mess up her appetite. I fried some fish and she ate. But I am wondering if leaving all the sweet snacks are causing this.

She also gave me a trial as I left house trying to lock the door, lock her in. It pains me when I have to do this and she is yelling and fussing on the other end.

So I am wondering if she is going into a new phase of dementia, each stage I mourn the loss of who she was. When I first got an inkling of her mental demise it tore me up inside, I cried like a baby. And the ugly got even worse or maybe it was just amplified by the dementia. As I came to terms with that struggle with spite and vindictiviness and sabatoge and sometimes just plain hate from my mother I was making my self sick holding on because I needed to take care of her in the mists of finally seeing and accepting this ugliness for what it was and learning about the sickness and most of all my own denial. If I knew then what I know now about my mother and sister I would have left a thousand years ago.

Noin a better place of understanding and I really dont want to hurt anymore, I dont want to cry. It seems I finally got a decent relationship with her as the dementia worsened and I know eventually I will lose even this.

Glad, its so good to hear the past and see someone who has survived the twisted and vengence. It gives hope. And so good to see you happy and focused and excited in fixing and planning in your knew home.

You, Golden and others give hope and light at the end of the tunnel.

Hi7, someone way back told me to try and find humor in the accusations and things my mother would do. I did, it helped, even if I laughed and then cried in the shower.

This caregiving is a long and winding road, for me full of pain, hurt and desparation, facing the reality of our mortality realizing I have not control in this process or any other process in life.

I am grateful to all who make up this forum.

I am out. Sleep tight, rays of love and peace to all.

I am feeling more organized than I have in years! Still not done unpacking. Actually got the washer and dryer hooked up, guess I have a bit of that handyman still in me, thanks to mom that did not want to pay for fixes. A few loads done and put away. The dishwasher was hooked up but would not operate. Read the error code, no water supply. Knowing that the water supply to be on, the valve must be inline with the line. After a few times trying to start it, then turning on the water supply, it works! And it is so quiet, you would hardly know it was on! Feeling accomplished.

Hi, welcome. How to survive a dysfunctional family? The antics are so very hurtful in the beginning, eventually you figure out you have not done anything to cause their treatment of you. Yes, the large majority of us provide care without any assistance. For me, I had to learn to focus on what was important and that was mom was receiving the best care that I could possibly provide, nothing else mattered.

I turned into a different person especially when it came to the twisteds. It got to the point that I wondered what in the heck they would come up with next. And when it came, I would shake my head, roll my eyes and chuckle, here we go again. It took awhile to get there as everything they did was so hurtful, even APS said it was nothing but vindictiveness and spite that twisteds had reported me. This site was invaluable to me, I posted often in those day. My friends here have supported me and have replaced the twisteds.

Complete detachment, sticks and stones, in one ear and out the other....
It takes a very strong person to be able to get through all of it. But you will and be an even stronger person for it.

Question: how do any of you with dysfunctional families, whether who you are caring for or your other relatives, handle being caregiver during this? I mean how do you keep your sanity while giving loving care? Also, is anyone on here the sole person to care for an elderly parent with no one to help you? How do you make that work? Curious of answers that people have thank you in advance for sharing your experiences

C magnum, I completely relate to the dysfunction and sense of loss you feel. All I am able to do is live my life completely in a different matter than the way I grew up. It is the only recourse. I can feel resentment but it only affects my well being. Sadly to say my mother's declining health has rid her of crazy thoughts such as getting books published which she never managed to do pre stroke. She had certain gifts she did not pursue. She pursued ones she had no aptitude for. She wasted money in so many ways until illness forced her to have my husband and I take over all her finances. When she and my father divorced when I was in my teens I completely accepted it because I couldn't understand any desire to be married to her. She has embarrassed me for most of my life. She looks like a hot mess. I only know I try to live my life completely differently than the way she lived hers. I lost the more functional parent first. She is basically being kept alive with medications that total over 350 a month. That is with a good supplemental secondary insurance plan. It is ironic because she refused seeking medical help for most of her life. It simply is what it is. I always felt I would have been better served with a different mother. I will be on antidepressants for life I believe because I did not receive the emotional support one should receive from a parent.

I knew that the death of my dad was going to hit me harder, but I did not anticipate how multifaceted it would be.

My dad's death at 93 is not a clear cut loss and the things that I learned in between memorial services only added to things by remembering the first time I lost my dad at age four when my mother abandoned him and tried so hard to keep him from me and me from him. I was 4 and my reaction to everything was to stop eating.

My mother getting married again did not bother me at age 12, but when my dad got married again at age 22, that was a difficult adjustment. For one thing he was getting married to a woman that did not like me and who I thought was mean to my dad. My wife agrees with both descriptions. My stepsister apologized after her mom's death for how mean her mother treated me. So in a sense, I lost my dad for a second time.

I lost him for a third time when Alzheimer's took his mind 4 years ago.

And, I lost him for the fourth and final time when his body died a little over a month ago.

Nice people are suggesting all sorts of books. Find me one that portrays grief in such a jagged way as I have above? Really, I have these four windows open on the monitor of my mind at one time.

Golden, I am glad that you got good news. It seems they are aware and addressing the issues with your mother.

My client is young and unable to swallow, She had a peg. We feed her via the peg in her stomach and she does just fine.

I have a similar concern for my mother. I give her a shake mix when she doesn eat. Ensure is so expensive. Nephew says she doesnt need so has not requested it for doctor and dismisses it when I bring it up when I call doctor to vocie my concerns

Good night, Golden. Me too. And duck too.

My goodness 110?!

This site is behaving oddly tonight!

I read a few post about this dreadful holiday season.

I was the one who did the decorations, the Douglas fir tree , (I dont know how I got it in the house by myself and I remember how hard it was to get it to stand.

Anyway the last time I put up a tree, everyone got gifts but me. The time before the only who gave me a gift was my nephew this same one. There were a lot of trinkets and bags with several small gifts. I was not working that year and I managed to get gifts for all and the entire dinner as usual. I worked the polls and did a lot of pantry hopping. A serious point was made. It was only my twisted, my mother and my cousin. My mother,s dementia was not obvious to others. I was grateful for the revelation and since that time I guess a little more than 4 years there has not been a Christmas tree or family dinner where I live.
My cousins would ask and mention why dont I put a tree for my mother. I really felt like I would never put up another tree for this family. Its hard work these holidays and fixings but love makes it easier
Anyways I saw this tree in a thrift shop. Did a second take. thought to come back but then it would be gone, I plugged it in it didn't work. I bought it. thinking what type lights to get to put on it. One strand. colors , white? Just for me and my mother. I have noticed she looks forward to the meals, she knows when she see me I have bought in something.for her. So just for me and her I am going to fix her up and make her pretty.

Her mental status seemed to be a bit more lucid. As I notice she started asking what I had. Anticipating. Cooperating and making our time a ritual.

Yesterday she started back with seeing people. When she first got bad she had me looking at people who weren't there... outside on steps anywhere. In the room. She would knock on my door all times a night to come see one or more. I would come in and she would say she tired of them and the last time I told them all to get out.

So, well the hallucinations are back again and I hope it doesn't mean a bridge to another phase of dementia. It really saddens me that my twisted and nephew dont see these things and are in denial. Because, yes my mother will appear to be in here right mind if you dont pay her too much attention.

So Thursday I bought tree. Friday I went out. Bought her food back, oh and I found my moundo's in a store called trader joes. I have seen the bags for years everywhere.was always wondered whats so popular about this store. So first time I visit this level in mall. I found a BBQ place and walked around in there. This day I was just browsing taking my time. couldn't find an out fit for the oldest grand, I ordered Chinese for my mother and as I browsed I walked state to freezer that had these stuffed shells with vegetable , shrimps, or chicken and on top of that shumai. I was so happy! I had even gone on line looking for these things.. I am rambling. But I had a good day and when I got home my mother was in her ballistic mode. I could not get her to be still long enough to eat. As I heated her food she went up stairs on twisted;s floor. so I bought food up to her and she still didnt eats.

WHen I came down on saturday, it was helter skelter. She even had pulled out the tree from where I had hidden it. I mean she had been in every nook and cranny.

So I am still in a good place, detaching as Golden put it and is exactly what is happening.

I am still doing utube. I was checking out Melody Pia on selfesteem. which was one the first ones that captured me from her videos.

So much to learn. So much sadness.. But realizing I have no control over this whole thing and accepting it has done wonders for me.

Still trying to reconnect with lawyer.

I am turning in now.

Rays of love peace, and wisdom to all.

Good night, Golden. Me too.

I will catch up more tomorrow, but the big news is I talked to the doctor and he sees no signs of mother nearing her end. He said, in her present condition, she could live to 110. 😲

They have removed the anti psychotic, the hydromorphone and the antidepressant as they say they are is not helping her. I am not there so I have to trust their assessment. He said they will try another antidepressant, She has a good dose of Voltaren and they started a reflux med. He thinks the pain she expresses is largely existential, (basically emotional, I think, as she never has been a happy person), On the other hand a 20+ lb weight loss in 6 months, eating less and sleeping more means to me that the disease is progressing. If that continues over the next 6 months it will be a different picture. The nurse says she does better drinking than eating so her food is being blended. That, to me, also indicates decline. We will see.

However, in terms of my planning, there is no urgency for me to be down there, so I can go back to my planned quiet winter which is quite a relief. I have a list of jobs that must be done. Got my flu shot yesterday so that is one crossed off.

Have a good night, everyone,💤😴🛌

Sharyn, my condolences for your family, betrayal, cheating, is very painful.
I am glad your brother is makings some progress and wish the best in the search for a new facility.

Glad what you did with that rental is called "class". That's what I thought after I read yourost. You were a blessing that old couple needed. God does uses us as angels.

Frazzeled I am glad things are getting better with your mom. I understand how depleting it is when they are not happy. When my mother gave me a big fight in the outside trying to keep her from walking off I felt so bad and my sterness looked like I was treating her wrong and I still have resentment for the people who said leave her alone. Not knowing how bad her dementia was. Its a tad off suct. Just saying I know the strain on the psyche when I have to force my mother to do or stop doing something for her own good.

Golden, I hope you are feeling better and rested from your trip. Be strong.

Ok so my good peaceful feeling is still on me. I had a moment of possible relapse into my own thinking. Job texted me to cover sometone on friday and at first I started to and then I decided I couldnt. Friday is my day to cook meals that I freeze for the next week for my lunch and my mother. Anyway I felt so bad for refusing then I felt I was wrong and it was a sign of my dysfunction and then Friday morning I just got on my knees and prayed. I shed a few tears wishing I was in a place that I could just up and take on another shift thinking it would be good for me because i have so much peace on the job. I could use the money and I am not going to do anything progressive in my room anyway. So many thoughts.
I am getting up earlier lately so friday morning after had all the negative thoughts and prayed I go downstairs to find the tv on and my mothers shoes near bed but my mother was nowhere to be found. All the doors were locked so I did a panicky search dreading the worse with each door I opened because she was not answering me. Then it dawned on me that she must have gone to doctor. so I text nephew and asked if she was with him or his mother, then I just called the HIP center and yes she had apt.

So now this hit me a little hard. This dysfunction, my panic, no note or regard that i may come down and get worried even for a moment. And how much it saddens me that we are this way and then I lost my motivation to cook. And decieded they got her they can feed her and I went downtown hoping to find a nice outfit to send to my oldest grand for xmas. As I was leaving they came in and surprisingly she asked if I was cooking today. I told her no, that I was going out and I would bring her back something good and we would have a feast tomarrow.

Seems that that ride downtown does me good for stress release. As I showered and had a little tear I reminded myself thart these things are out of my control no matter how spiteful and sick and I think that is what my good feeling is about because I am able to let things go easier now and let God.

Fraz, lots of twisted sisters out there, for sure!

Can see part of the counter, at least until I unpack a few more boxes,😲

Hi guys, it's been awhile since I have updated on here, and still trying to get caught up on my reading here.

Mom has been out of the last geri psych unit for about 3 weeks now, and her new meds do seem to be helping some with her anxiety. It's still a pain going to appointments or out anywhere with her because every time she throws a tantrum wanting me to bring her back to live with me, rather than back to her senior living facility.

The place she lives is nice, and I don't get what she sees as so bad about it. They pretty much wait on her (meals, meds, housekeeping, etc) but I guess she wants me around 24/7 to do it (been there, done that, not again!). I do understand it's not home, but she doesn't even ask to go back to her house, she wants to go to mine!

That's what kind of worries me about the holidays. Our plan is to bring her some food from our house and spend Thanksgiving and Christmas with her at the facility, maybe take her out for a movie or something too. I know she'll want to come back to our house, which it wouldn't be a problem bringing her back here for a few hours if she were well-adjusted to where she's at, but I know if we brought her back here for a visit in her current mindset, I would have one heck of a time figuring out how to get her back to her place. She would dig in her heels and refuse to go.

She's mentioned wanting to see my twisted sis (Glad, I like that term, it is accurate for me too!) and her narc mother. I suppose if they want to see her, I can arrange for them to visit her at the facility. Neither my sis or mom's mother have even bothered to contact me to arrange a visit in all the time that mom has been there, despite telling their attorney multiple times that I don't let them see her. They have contacted mom and the facility behind my back, which the facility manager made me aware of after mom was upset a couple of times after talking with my sister.

I don't think it's a good idea for her to go to her mother's (where my sis also lives) not only because of what they have put her through but because holidays there always end with a bunch of fighting and drama, and she doesn't need the stress, though mom seems to miss the drama in her life and has a hard time with peace herself. It seems like she will create drama if it's too peaceful. All she knows, I suppose. Me, I need peace and quiet after a lifetime of it.

Mom's neurologist said he wants to do a Datscan, which is a test to check for markers of Parkinson's, given her neuro symptoms and the fact that her dad had PD also. The test involves something to do with the dopamine levels. He said also that schizophrenia and schizophrenia variant illnesses can actually cause or worsen dementia symptoms over time, since those illnesses are really hard on the brain.

Anyway, that's pretty much how things stand here, always feels like waiting for another shoe to drop. I hope next year is a little calmer than this one has been.

Golden, I'm sorry to hear that your mom isn't doing as well. I know what you mean about sadness and relief. I think that's probably how I'll feel when mom reaches the end. Sad because she's my mom but relief because I've had the weight of being an emotional caretaker for her from a young age, and now her guardian as she's gotten older.

I hope you are feeling better and have been able to rest a little since your last trip.

SharynM, I'm glad your brother was able to be moved to rehab, but sorry that they are unhappy with his care. Hopefully they can get the issues straightened out.

It must be very confusing to the family about niece's hubs girlfriend too. I would have mixed feelings also.

Glad, Susan, Blackhole, I will be glad when the new year gets here too! I really hope it's more peaceful. I wish I could just hibernate for the winter.

DDDuck, I'm glad to hear you are more at peace. Hopefully you can get the attorney meeting rescheduled and glad you were able to go vote.

Also looking forward to January, when then winter holidays are behind us.

Been practicing my detaching — early and often.

Can’t change other people; I can only change my reaction to them. Yeah yeah yeah.

Off to the races!

Watching a show on Investigation Discovery channel, called Twisted Sisters! LOL!

I am so looking forward to January..when the holidays are over. I used to love Thanksgiving, when the families got together, and even Christmas, when we got together. Now one side of the family, has people too old or sick to travel, as does my side of the family. My brother and his certified Borderline personality wife, moved far away when my father, the star of my dysfunctional family turned 89 (my brother has always been removed enough that he isn't affected by Dad's dysfunctional tantrums..as my brother is King)..but my dear mother died last year. I'm the responsible one for Dad, though I have maintained my 2 hour away home...Dad can be fine and he can be illogical, irrational and intolerable..all thrown at my mother...and me. Yippee. So..there's no answer..no solution..but I'll be with just Dad at the senior living place (it's nice..but he throws barbs at me about it) Thanksgiving and then Christmas. It's my obligation. I just wish my brother or cousins could share..but they can't. So...I miss my mother! And I'll carry on with my dad. Hopefully there won't be any explosions from.him to me. It's hard. And I'm just venting..

And when I was caring for mom, I was certain ts1 suffered from compassion fatigue. She always had excuses related to her clients that gave her reason to not even see mom. Course I was one of her major excuses too, she did not want to be in the same building as I, because of her fear of being verbally abused. LOL. I didn't want to be around her either, and would have used the opportunity to get out of there even for a little bit. And she did a wonderful job of getting ts2 to buy in to her crap.

One time the excuse was because she counsels convicts. Gotta wonder was she implying something? This was about the same time frame that I was being investigated by APS for exploitation. Then another time it was because she was counseling caregivers. That I cannot even imagine, in my wildest dreams!😀

Bizarre but true.

Glad,

I'm sorry to hear that and remember you mentioning that before. She is one of those who should not have ever become a therapist.

Magnum, ts1 is a therapist and the worst of the two! 😄

Dysfunctional families, spouses, and parents give therapists a job!

I'm glad to report that this holiday season that there is one less dysfunctional person in my extended family, my MIL who died this year. It will be great without her around! Sometimes, you just have to outlive these dysfunctional people. Since my SIL had to deal with her the most, I am going to buy a book for her about recovering from a relationship with a Narcissist. My wife has been dealing with this in therapy, and I've been doing the same, but her sister is not in therapy. If you have ever read the book Understanding the Borderline Mother, my MIL was a combination of the Borderline Queen and the Borderline Witch. Borderlines have a strong Narcissistic streak. So, unlike my wife's therapist, I think the woman was a Borderline with an excessively strong Narcissistic streak.

Yes, the wicked witch of the west is dead!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I would enjoy burying the dysfunction. But it will not die. I hate the holidays! You all may remember that I contacted twisteds to invite them to Dd1's for Xmas eve last year. That was my gesture to extend the olive branch. Now I will not again, and twisteds will just have to miss spending time with my kids and families on the holidays. I actually think twisteds are a bit jealous that my kids have all done so well and have beautiful children.

This year I thought maybe just maybe they make overtures of their own. But it wasn't to be. TS1 contacted each of my kids to invite for thanksgiving. Ts1 I just need to stay as far away as possible and detach as much as possible as I possibly can. Dd1 let me know of the invite. I reminded her that I made the gesture last year and told her that I am done. I think she now gets it.

So, for TG I will be going to my ex's and wife with the kids and families. Did that Xmas day last year. It was ok and I got to spend time with my kids and grands.

Dysfunction alive and well. I just need to continue as I have for the past seven years now, let it go, and the new year will be here before we all know it. Though I would prefer to just fast forward to next year.

Thinking of all of you with the dysfunctional families. You will get through it, detach.

Sharyn, youngster bugs, definitely make their way around!

Golden just get to feeling better before going south.

Had housecleaners clean the rental yesterday. They did a beautiful job and worth the cost! Called to tell landlord that it is ready for the next renter. I called just as she and hubby were checking out of hospital. He had just been diagnosed with bladder cancer. I am so sad for them, such a lovely couple.

Was really glad I had cleaners take care of the house. She came to my office today to pick up the key and told me she was in tears when she called hubby to tell him the condition of the house. She was so relieved they would not have to do anything, and then I was really glad I did it the way I did. Plus I don't have much energy to take care of emptying boxes and putting stuff away. Speaking of which, think I will do a bit now.