The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

Ahhh... seems so trivial to be mulling over paint schemes when others in this thread and on this site have much larger problems, but that's where my head is at right now, too. I want to pick out paint colors for the new apartment and hire painters to get it done. Also need to get some shelves cut to size and put in the closets.

It's only a rental but if I set things up right, it has potential for me to live virtually rent free by getting 2 roommates for the other 2 bedrooms. I'm thinking I'll do this, and free up my time/income to keep making positive changes in my life, like being able to go back to school, etc. I want to invest some in making this a nice spot (it really needs very little, just paint and shelves) that I want to be in for 3-5 years.

The previous tenant painted the living room a carnation pink. It could be cute, I suppose, but I'm just going to tan/beige it all away, hahahaha. The pink, and the yellow, and the teal -- I'm neutral-izing all of it. ;-) I'm excited. I'll be in moving mode all this month, prepping the new place. I don't have a move date picked yet but probably mid month, another 10 days or so.

Thank you, Madge, it is very exciting especially not living in my own home for more than seven years now. Hoping we can close by the end of October.

Glad

sounds so exciting !

Sharyn
hang in there and maybe don't listen to too much anyway - keep the picture of your brother strong and well in the forefront of your thoughts

Contractor ordering appliances tonight. Trim and doors will be in as well as cabinets next week. Paint colors for interior figured out. Maybe next week it will start moving again. Still trying to figure out granite and flooring. Talked with landscaper today for sprinkler system and sod before too much cold settles in. Should have decided home design sooner. We would be a month farther in.

Sharyn, kinda disgusting isn't it that you cannot listen to all that is told. Wouldn't it be nice if all information was reliable?

Thinking of you.

Glad, my brother was a bit better on Sunday. My nephew said the nurses told him it is just going to take him longer to come out of it. Once he is fully alert they will transfer him to rehab. This info sounds more promising than what my sister told me. Info coming from different sources and not all is told. I’m staying hopeful.

Yup, Stacey, keep lurking, you wouldn't want to forget who's who! What is it that they say? The players may change but the game remains the same? So many similar stories and similar issues even though new players show up all the time.

Your room? Going to have blue. The bedding I have ordered also has yellow, but not overwhelming. Is that ok?

Vicks inhalers really help me, too. I hate taking antihistamines. Will take benadryl. All the antihistamines give me pins and needles on my head, make me shaky, and I cannot sleep. Why the heck do they have to make so many non-drowsy varieties? I will not take those and definitely will not buy them. Sometimes the cure is worse than the suffering.

Ming is in the kitchen playing with a cricket. UGH! Second one in as many days. Just don't make a lot of noise, I am going back to sleep. Why take care of something now when you can put it off until tomorrow, or something like that. But, big bugs are just not real high on my priority list right now. 😲

Glad, I Love those Vicks nasal inhalers Too! I hate taking allergy meds, especially when I only need a few hours relief from whatever irritant is bothering me at the time, and it works Great!

Glad your house is coming along, albeit slowly! What color is My room going to be?

AlliBB, I'm a LURKER now too! Its been nearly a year that Our Caregiving days are behind us, and like you, I do try to read all of the Blog posts that I follow, and I comment here and there, plus give an occasional update on what's going on in our lives, but we have really gotten past any Narcissistic issues, except those we have to deal with in regards to hubby's 2 siblings, and those are few and far between, Thankfully!

I do have to say, that this blog is Hard to Quit, as I truly care about you all, and what is going on in your lives too! Funny thing is, my hubby doesn't understand why I still log on daily, and I can't make him understand that I LOVE all my Cyber friends, as they have been better friends to me than I ever had in "real" life, Lol!

Who knows if we will ever have to Care Give again in our lifetime other then each other, I sure Hope Not, so I'll keep reading, as I don't want to get rusty!

You All Take Care Now, Ya Hear! Love, Stace ❤❤❤

And have been known to get duck's and Dori's stories confused. It is the D thing. Everyone else I can keep straight as I have been around here six years now. Do not know what I would have done without this group for all these years.

I never could either figure out how Golden does such an excellent job of acknowledging everyone. I am nowhere close. Will respond to posts that strike a chord with me.

Yes, Ali, getting a life, I also highly recommend it. Have you ever tried the Vicks inhalers? Comes is a tube about the size of chapstick. I love that stuff.

Sharyn, how is bro doing?

Thinking of all of you even if I do not mention you.

House seems to be moving very slow. The stucco was to be done two weeks ago. They have nearly finished the base coat, STILL. I swear that crew is darn slow! Maybe they finished today. Fingers crossed. Was to meet with landscaper today, but he wasn't there when I went by. Could tell he was planning on it as his tractor for moving rock was there. Just wish they would get busy!

I've been off getting a life of my own outside of caregiving, Duck!! I highly recommend it!! wink wink ❤️

I've been working full time, but also have been on AC less this year than previous 5 years during caregiving times. I will respond to a post if I feel I have input but mostly I'm content to read what's happening with everyone else, stay in touch that way. I'm officially a lurker now, I guess.

There are several changes with the new AC site format, but for the most part I'm getting through it. Hopefully that's not part of what's causing your issues.

I think Golden opens a text edit application and responds to different posts as she reads, then copies-pastes into a comment. I've done that before on occasion. Composing a comment that way definitely helps the brain to remember who said what, etc.

Ugh. I have a head full of sinus congestion and cold meds. I called off for tomorrow though. No one wants to see restaurant staff sniffling and blowing their nose while they work!! lol I might have to wait a few days before I go back to work. Weird timing for me, but it is what it is.

Wow! I lost my post!

Ok, now had had names and information right! Everyone was on one page and was easy to check and make sure I was posting to the right one.

Well Thanks to everyone for understanding my mix ups. I certainly dont need any help to do it and realize I have mixed a few of the people on board who have touched my heart and life because my spirit was responding to a spirit that has touched me and I was feeling the issue.

So now everyone is not on the same page.
Sharyn and Stacy thanks for understanding.

Ali, where have you been, thanks for the clarification.

Someone mentioned Golden's format, she is smooth and I always wondered how she does it. A few others have the gift also.

SusanNeed, I feel for you. Thank goodness the grief and mourning and remembrance comes in waves. Some bigger at times. I could picture your post.

TG, you have a big heart, people know it. I can imagine your stress.

I think I have been used up by my family in everyway. I dont know what I feel in my heart about them anymore, except for my mother and that is very sad. Its like I am in a war and friends with the enemy.

Gershun, I must say again that I get inspired that you have survived a lifetime with a narcissist sister. Golden also. I could take lessons. I know I have to find my way and when its all said and done I hope I have the type of heart and wisdom that you both have.

Stacey, I feel you on the how the music touches the heart. Some songs turn me into mush. A chord or note can open up my memories the good or the bad. That was a beautiful post. Did the sisters bully the boys? I bet your mother loved everything you all got together to do. I think its beautiful that you were all there hands on, that bought tears and spoke a lot of who your mother was.

I had a lot more in my first post. My girlfiend is back to work after being layed off by a company she worked 30 years in now she works for the competition who grabbed her when as the process and event became known. It just took a long, long time for them and longer for her to find something. They are speading out and made a department for her to head. I am just happy for her.

My cousin is still short of breath. But she had a reveal party for her daughter and when we talk she sounds weakened, but posts lovely pictures on facebook. We will be getting together soon.

I am off for a few days. I didnt get my sleep at all this morning and I still feel wired so I am going to try and channel this energy before I konk out.

Sleep Tight all.

Rays of love, light, peace and happiness to you all.

Yesterday was the anniversary of my Mom's death. Reading the Funeral story below...reminded me of how my Dad dressed like he was going to a Country Club afternoon cocktail party. He smiled and held court...yelled at me on the way there, and back, as he misunderstood the joking banter I had with my brother..my brother got it, we were playing..Dad immediately assumed I said something bad to my brother. We were late for for my Mom's funeral, as my Dad always takes forever to get ready, as he has to look perfect..its all about him, and how he looks. Don't get me wrong... I'm happy he wasn't torn up, there's nothing sadder than an old man crying..but..I must say, it was a perfect dysfunctional family funeral.

Survived the funeral trip back home with dad. 7 hours down after trying to get 2 lawns mowed before I left, business and other items. Stopped at moms grave to clean off the head stone (dad was happy I did that), got to say hi to mom.
Got to my relatives house, (yes I did bring them dinner and a case of wine they requested, oh, and I prepped and cooked they dinner) was up until 2:30 AM talking (good stuff).
So next day the funeral is an hour and a half away, I am up at 7 ready to go by 7:30, load the car...... and I wait. Finally I had to get dad up at 9, then he decides to take a shower..... so 9:30 we are walking out the door and we get in and its, "I need to eat something". So the only thing close before the turnpike is a Panera, go in, 10 more minutes, back on the road. then traffic I fully expected. Of course I have to pay or everything, food, fuel, tolls.
Back and forth about his way or my GPS, I use the GPS because I looked at the map not on my memory from 40 years ago with road changes. We finally get to the funeral home at 5 minutes to 11, service starts at 11. Luckily as we get in my family is just doing the last goodbyes.. they nicely let dad and me in to say good bye, they didn't have to but it was nice. Afterward he says "I am glad they waited for me"..... "uh.... no they didn't you were in the doorway, they were just being nice".
Go to the cemetery and head north in Labor Day traffic..... 8 hours back on 4 and a half hours sleep. Then its "Did you put my sport coat in the car?" The fact that I had to get his stuff out of the car at 1 AM and then put it all back in and I forgot to load his sport coat?....... My relative has to mail it to him now..... He gets in and out of the car like it is at the Waldorf and has a valet.... He gets in the car and out and no worries. Mom used to pack his clothes and load the car. Me? I do all my own..... You have to when you travel for a living.
Suffice to say next time instead of saving money to stay with a relative it will be a holiday inn and a cheap meal. maybe next time I put him on a plane, cheaper..... or just say no.
It was nice to see family, I am glad I went, family was appreciative I brought him in. I do not think they understand the logistics nor do they care, it is not their worry. Of course my brother was a complete ass. He barely said anything to me and shook my dads hand like he was a complete stranger. I said hi and that was it..... Maybe 2 words too many.....

Thank you Frazzled and everyone! I appreciate all the support. This summer has been one of the hardest I’ve gone through.

Duck, no worries, no offense. We all get overwhelmed with our own life and caregiving. Keeping one day straight is enough without adding in additional info.

Golden, I’m glad you are over the bug. Tossing out and sorting is a major task.

Im off tomorrow but today is 7 days straight and last week I worked 8. Hopefully everything will settle down now that our manager is back.

Autumn is slowly making its way here and I’ve been loving the cooler temps.

I would love to update on my dysfunctional family but since none of us speak to one another there is nothing much to say. Some of you may remember that I finally took 56 years of frustration and hurt and anger at my narc sister and confronted her with it. She has been polite but frigid ever since. I think I scared her. Good! Lord knows she's been scaring me, hurting me, embarrassing me, insulting me, contradicting me, hitting me for so long, so if she's a bit miffed, or as miffed as someone who is a true narc can be, then good I say.

My younger brother texted me last week to tell me that he was travelling by our old family holiday spot and it brought him to tears for the first time since Mom died which was three years ago. He was the one who told me once I needed to compartmentalize and then Mom's passing wouldn't be so hard for me. I don't know. I think people who compartmentalize too much end up like him. Crying for the first time three years after my Mom's death.

Stacey, I sympathize over your getting rid of stuff problem. We bought a new condo last year and the stuff I had to go through. I basically could open up a hair appliance/shampoo/beauty product store. Sheesh! What a waste of money. My dear departed Mom used to get all my product fails so now I have no one to give them to. They are all in our storage locker waiting to expire now.

Anywho, sorry for rambling.

Dori, We did and up playing THE WIND BENEATH MY WINGS, LOL! It was a popular song in that time, and one that my Mom loved as well!

Dduck, don't you worry about mixing up people's names now and then, I don't know how people (Like GOLDEN for One!) can keep people's names straight as they do, and I actually Did used to keep a big sticky note off to the side, and refered to it often, just so I didn't mess up, I'm Terrible with names! And Happy Belated Birthday! Mine is in February, for all you who are keeping notes too, Lol!

Dori, I just had to post my Mom's pix as my Avatar, after you posted such a lovely one of Your Mom, I just Love seeing our Mom's looking so glamorous back in the day. I lost my Mom when she was only 74 to Uterine cancer, and I Definately feel cheated. She was truly the most giving, wonderful, excepting human being that I ever met in life. She Loved like no other, and everybody used to come to her for guidance. She never had a bad word to say about anyone in her life, and felt that all people are fallible, and deserve a second chance, and she Loved my husband like no other, which is one of the reasons he's put up with me so long, Lol!

I am so grateful to have had her as my Mom, and I'm so glad she gave me my 3 older sister's, (and my Brothers got the best of my Dad's), who carry those same traits. I had the best of parents, So although they passed away pretty young at only 75 and 74 and only 14 months apart, we did luck out in the parents department!

Dori, I have no doubt that you will put together a wonderful Musical Tribute for you Mom with all of your talent! Have you ever heard the song "NOT FORGOTTEN" By Peter Frampton? It is a Beautiful, slow and heartfelt ballad that would work great alone and even better with a picture slideshow, just thought I'd mention that one.

Incredibly, just Two days before our Mom passed, my 2 brother's were "forced" by us sister's to go to his concert (at this time, our Mom was actively dying in the Hospice Hospital) that they had purchased tickets to attend at our local Country Fair some months prior, but they were terrified to miss her passing, they didn't, we were all there together with our hands upon her, a beautiful and spiritual ending to her life.

Frampton played this song NOT FORGOTTEN, it's one they had never heard before, and it resonated with both my brothers, almost as a "sign" that it would be a good one to play at our Mom's funeral.

They immediately bought the CD right then and there at the Concert, and couldn't wait to play it for our Mom and us sister's in her Hospice room the next day. Our Mom was "unconscious" but hopefully she heard it, we always spoke to her as if she could hear us. We all fell in Love with it, being so appropriate to the Way in which we all knew that we would feel about her passing and afterwards. You should check it out! I have a copy of it in my car, and play it often, when I'm out driving alone, and I always end up bawling! I hope your funeral for Her is a lovely tribute to her life!

Hey Glad, have you seen that new appliance option of the darker Stainless steel, the "no fingerprint" finish? I really like it so much better than the traditional SS, you should check it out!

Frazzle, hope things settle down over the next couple of days with your Mom, maybe the teeth cleaning procedure made her a little anxious afterwards.

Night All!

Duck, it was my bad. I was changing my email and got Bridgette in the wrong line.

Dori, All of the planning and paperwork are a pain in the butt. Don’t let it get you down.

I was changing my email address. Started typing on the wrong line. Bridgette is part of address. Didn’t backspace it out. Voila Becky is Bridgette. I think I have it fixed.

Imwas reading some stuff the heart surgeon gave me on post op issues. There are some researchers who believe that surgery in people over 65 years causes loss of cognitive function and forgetfulness. Just what I need.

Dori

start the car, I know a whoopee spot where
the gin is cold and the piano is hot

🍸🎹🎷🎺👯

favorite tune as performed by New Orleans trad jazz singer, Banu Gibson

Perfectly fitting for the end of the service

stacey - that's an awesome photo!

golden - thank you!

Well, I talked to the memorial "celebrant" tonight (basically the guy officiating?). I explained the problem and he says they'll make sure Creepy Cousin doesn't sit in the family pew, plus says we can pack the pew with as many of mom's friends as we like so that there's no room anyway.

I actually had a moment of wondering this afternoon....if Creepy Cousin made such a stink on FB because he was hoping to be disinvited. Then he could say he was "shut out" and play victim one more time. I'm starting to think he will have some last minute excuse (like his mom is too ill and he can't leave her), and won't show up.

Also now I have to pick the MUSIC. Just when I think I've done everything I need to do, there's another thing. Every day, there is a thing. Not even at the will probate stage yet, this is all for the funeral. And every time there's a new task, it just slams me down flat on the ground (metaphorically), and I'm bawling. And of course.....MUSIC. My kryptonite.

Though.....I really really wanted to use Chita Rivera singing "All That Jazz". It was one of mom's favourites. Bro nixed it as not appropriate. That boy is no fun.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_97F4CnzVBc

When I go I hope people have fun. The funeral director suggested "Wind Beneath My Wings" as a popular choice. I had to laugh to myself....my friends and I have made fun of that song so many times, I will never be able to listen to it without hearing best guy friend sing it in a big, blubbery Cowardly Lion voice. I hope he does THAT at MY funeral. Blubbery mockery and all. In fact, a big chorus of drunk, mocking, blubbery-voiced friends will do me just fine. And then maybe play "All That Jazz."

duck - your welcome and no worries about mix ups. It happens. Haven't heard Heavens to Murgatroyd in a very long time. Thanks. Who's Brigette? Must be someone new,

sharyn - FWIW - I have a feeling your bro is going to wake up.
nite all!

dori thinking of you.

darn - thought the sweats were finished, but they are still happening a little. The good part is that they are lessening, so I must be winning the bug battle.

Ddduck.
You might be surprised at how often names are mixed up by many others on the forum. You are not alone in that. I read it, know to whom they are referring, and do not call attention to it.

The humid heat, the stress can do wonders with our minds. Relax, get caught up on some sleep tonight, and keep cool.

I GIVE UP!!!!!! LOL

Golden, Thanks!!!!

Duck, your comment has me Googling "Heavens to Murgatroyd!" lol This was just a bit before my time, I wasn't familiar.

Briddgete, my sincerest apology, I meant Becky about cataract surgery and I dont even know how I got your names mixed or confused. I hardly see your name?! My apology again.

Becky, I apologize, I got you mixed up with Shayrn.

Sharyn, I apologize to you also!! And anyone else whom I have offended or mixed up.

I guess this is what it can feel like when dementia sets in. I am only 58 for Pete's sake.

Heavens's to Megatroy!!!!! Aye! Aye! Aye!