The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

Happy Labor Day!!

Frazzeled, Thank You!!!

Stacey, I do get things mixed up I just noticed another mix up. Lol. No offense to anyone.

I read, think I have it together and then boom! I dont. One time I was using notes to keep people in respective situation. I dont know how you all do it so smoothly. I think part of the reason is I am not on line regularly. But I see people go way back in comments, which is really cool. My apology again!




I was just checking out some pecan barbeques seasonings on line. I had one that my son had used and was great. He got it from one of those great BBQ competitions when he was in Kansas. It was delicious and when he used it up here everyone was talking about it. Anyways the one I ordered is chunky now and I was thinking to reorder and then try something knew.

I have been inspired by my new crockpot experience. Guy is coming to fix molding on fridge. I was hoping for the weather to stay cool, as I was getting things done. This hot humid weather we are back to in NY is draining. I will be glad to see the fall season really come in. Last few years it seems to stay hot later and later.

Anyways rays of love peace and happiness to all.

(((SharynM))) Praying for your brother's speedy healing and a full recovery.

Golden, I hope you get to feeling better too. I know what you mean about the de-cluttering. I need Mary Poppins too!

Glad, sounds like the house is coming along! I don't see the appeal in the French door refrigerators either. It seems like they hold less than the regular side by sides. I bought a regular stainless side by side earlier this year. I like it but I'm really wishing I'd have went with black instead of stainless because it shows all of the fingerprints.

Stacey, Lol I've sometimes wished a tornado would rip through my house (when no one's home of course) and suck up some of the mess. I'm the "thrower awayer" in our house, but I am a bit of a clothes hoarder. Always love a good outfit. My hubby on the other hand, well he makes up for the both of us. Our garage is a sight to behold.

DDDuck, happy belated birthday!

Took mom to the dentist this past Friday and she kind of made a scene there but she finally did let the hygienist clean her teeth. Mom was the one complaining about her teeth a couple months ago so we had gotten that seen about (gum infection) and they said she was overdue for a cleaning which I scheduled at mom's behest.

Got a message from the manager of her facility Fri evening after she got back that she was driving her sweet neighbor lady nuts and that the lady is asking if they can move mom to a different apt. I tried calling and texting back but I think she had already left for the weekend. Guess I'll find out tomorrow or maybe it's blown over. Arrgh, I hate waiting for the other shoe to drop. For now, I'm just gonna try not to worry. Good thing we see her neurologist on the 20th.

Stacey, it must be very hard to lose your mom as young as she must have been. My mom was 90, her brain was just plain beaten by Alzheimer's and it was time. Sad to say, and almost feel guilty. Not even my mom would have wanted to live that way.

Stacey, your mom was beautiful too! These old photos are amazing.

Glad, enjoy the process of your new home!

Sorry I do have cataract surgery number two in two weeks. After the other surgeries these don’t seem like much. Sorry my mistake.

stacey, the MRI, CT scan and eeg are all normal.

Thank you everyone, just praying and hoping.

Becky, I was confused about that one too, Lol! I think Dduck had the wrong name there. How are you doing btw, all moved in I suspect, and still loads to unpack, I Hate moving, and downsizing is even worse, we are up to our eyeballs getting rid of excess Stuff, and have surpassed our timeline as to be Done by Now! I just can't part with things I feel I may need to replace at some distant time. Oh to be young and starting off with nothing but a hand me down bed, couch and TV, we all started out that way once, didn't we, and look at us now, bursting at the friggin' seams! I'd hate to wish the house would burn to the ground, or would I, Hmmmmmm.........

SharynM, I am hoping that your Brother's Drs have ruled out brain damage by now (MRI?), and that this is just unfortunately going to take resting and time for his body to heal. Never give up, as God works in Mysterious ways!

As I mentioned before, my Cousins husband had a heart transplant. His first year was plagued with some pretty severe problems, but now years later, you would Never know that he has a doner heart, the man is a going concern!

Has walking many miles per day, and his yard and garden is like a gorgeous park like setting. Keep the Faith, and believe he will get better. HUGS my Friend!

Glad, I have given my Grandies so many stickers and craft supplies, to the point that their Mommy has said Enough Already! Oops, I don't want to get her mad at me! I will offer the rest, mainly feminine flowery type stickers to my other Neices, as I know that I will never get around to it. Sometimes I think it would be helpful if there was someone else to bounce things off of, as my husband says to "toss Everything", yet he isn't following his same "advice" when it comes to his stuff. Perhaps he thinks that if I get rid of all my treasures, there will be more room for his, the dirty rat! 😬!

Crulers, curling irons, electric rollers, straiteners, Makeup, nail care, and all sorts of other beauty products I rarely ever use, books, dds, cds, nic-naks, linens, electronics, Clothes - I actually just went through and put away ALL my clothes and could/should/Will Have To cut it again by at least half (gheez, what if I NEEDed that Red turtleneck), and will never notice it! What to do with all this Stuff! OK, maybe I am a bit of a Hoarder, but a controlled hoarder, as you would Never know by looking at my home!

As you can see, this is my next big hurdle and I am Stressed out by it, but I've been talking about it for a long time now, 2 years? Part of my procrastination is that I just do not want to leave my home, I Love my home, but my husband is 5 years older than I am, and he's just plain tired of yard work and home maintenance, plus he's got a bad back, and WE Want to downsize so that we can be foot loose and fancy free, and not worry about money, especially in the future! I am going to start getting Real Serious Now, You Watch! Lol!

Golden, sorry your FM is acting up! Low energy pays a big part in my lack of motivation here too, FM Sucks!

Happy Labor Day Everyone! It was this Day 14 years ago that we lost my Wonderful Mom, I sure Do Miss Her!

Becky, I think you posted that you had cataract surgery last week? And another coming up in the next week or two?

Sharyn, I am so sorry about your brother.

Well, I did it. I have been putting off buying anything for my new house. I took the bait, 65% off bedding for one of the spare rooms where I will have two twin beds. Need to buy a twin bed, too. Couldn't resist the sale. I must stop this so I don't have to move any more. I saved $365.00!

Duck. I do not have a surgery scheduled and have not posted that I do. My surgeries were earlier in the summer. And I do not have a brother who is ill.

(((((((sharyn))))) I am so sorry for you and your family. Yet another very difficult situation. Hopefully he will wake up fully sometime. Prayers for you and your family continue. I don't know what to say or think either..

There is no change in my brother. He is mostly out, sometimes partially awake, responds somethings and other times not. When this all started, with the seizures, the drs consulted with other drs across the country. None of them have experienced this before. Basically Stanford has done their part and are now looking into a rehab facility to transfer him to.

It just is what it is, I can’t say anymore. I don’t know what to think.
Thank you all for your kind words, prayers and support.

stacey - your mum is gorgeous too!!! I remember the trip your hub made to his sibs -total waste of time. I hope he doesn't take on anything for his sis. I want a declutter fairy too to come and whisk it all away! I need Mary Poppins! 🌂

cw - fair comment. I was wondering when someone would twig to the fact that I am writing about it more than doing it. There is a lot less than there was but still prob one dumpster worth - maybe more. It is 40 years worth of stuff, Much was tossed at various times, but then my dd and her family moved in for a while a little over 10 years ago and I still have a few things of theirs, Then R and his stuff. We did a major clear out of that a couple of years ago, but stuff builds up again. Not to mention mothers things that I brought up here "in case". The basement flooding was a blessing as lots got tossed then. My main problem is the CFS/FM - like today when my legs are aching and I am dopey. I can keep the house going in terms of laundry. some basic cleaning, food prep and grocery shopping, kitchen and bathrooms, but usually am not good for much more. I have been waiting to go grocery shopping hoping for a little more energy as the frig is pretty bare, So it goes. I will do a little bit here and there -toss a few clothes, some jewelry, but nothing major recently - more wishful thinking. If I push myself physically I get worse. 😒

Stacey, what about a craft that would use the stickers? Help grands make something for their parents for Xmas? Then your kids also get the joy of having something made for them by their kids with something mom bought them as kids. Hmmmm, now think of ideas. Pintarest must have many ideas. If there is a way to use empty toilet paper tubes, there must be a way to use accumulation of stickers.

I also like the idea of donating them to the schools.

Stacey,
Donate the stickers, crafts, papers, to the elementary school so the teachers won't be spending their own money to buy new for their students.
Stickers can smell mildewy after years in storage...toss those.

If you organize you can be doing projects in your condo at retirement. You will need an extra bedroom for that. Or, pass it on to the next person, while you spend retirement going with sisters...the casinos, the ocean, lunches. Your choice!

Maybe you can do both?

CWillie, if only clearing out a lifetime of accumulation were so easy! Ha! In doing so myself, I've come accross such Stupid things like a hole punch, fancy scissors, hundreds of dollars worth of "creative memories" stickers and books that I at one time Intended to put together picture albums, but never completed, kids school treasures from elementary school (Waaa!), loads of craft junk, fabrics, decorative items, candles, holiday decor, Just What to Do with all of it, as it's just money down the drain, and yet I still do have some attachment to, Uggg. And that doesn't begin to mention hubby Stuff!

There is No Possible Way, between my husband and myself, that we can keep even 1/4th of the 34 years of accumulation that we both have, and still fit into a moderate sized Condo, which we do intend to buy, once this house is SOLD!

I wish some Magical Fairy would just come and do it all for us, and we aren't even hoarders! Just 2 people who like to collect, Just reasonable amounts of THINGS! My house looks very tidy, just don't open the closets and cupboards! Lol!

Calgon take me Away!!!

New AVATAR is of my Mom at about 20.

Golden, "take a picture and toss it", Now why didn't I think of that! That is exactly what I will do! We could always print up a smaller version if we wanted to, not that I would, Lol!

I thought of asking my husband's brother if he wanted them (haven't heard from him in Months!), but that would entail shipping them on my dime of course, and I'm not willing to spend One penny on him, ever again!

Update: Dysfunctional issues continue, husbands Sister, you might recall that my husband went down to Big Bear, California (this last June) to spend the week with his Sister at her urging (this gal is a real whack Job!). She claims that she has severe disabilities that started with AAA leak (abdominal aortic aneurysm), had major surgical repair, then she fell and fractured her back, and was put on Hospice for these issues plus Severe CHF & some other things as well. Hard to tell if these diagnosis are real or manufactured with her as she has cried wolf So Mant times in the past, with "I'm Dying", so there's that.

So hubby arranged a week to go down to help her get sorted with her house, whether to sell it or ride it out, her legal papers, her Will, DPOA, DNR,her 2 dogs and such, but once he got there, she was Out Of Her Mind on drugs, and possibly drinking as well, she has always been a closet drinker. So, nothing got accomplished, as all she could do is ramble, was disoriented and confused, much like the majority of his experiences with her his whole life! There was no way to get her to focus on any of it, so he left after 1 day.

He (hubby) then drove in his rental car the 4 hours to see his brother, my husband just will not give up on trying to keep communications open with his 2 older DYSFUNCTIONAL siblings, but now Finally has now.

So he arrived at his Hotel, and checked in for a few days, he showed up at his brothers house (new place since he went Las fall to deliver his inheritance check) anyways, he saw his his brother for all of 2 hours, as brother showed him around his "new place" (someone else's), so obviously Lying about "All his Magnificent Junk", that clearly belonged to someone else, another deceitful move he has always pulled throughout his lifetime, boasting about things that do not belong to him, but he claims that they do, and after that, hubby played out his next few days at the hotel, never hearing from him again after he said he would call to get together, and nothing since!

So hubby Now has had phone communication with his 1/2 sister (none from brother), who wants him to be her DPOA, and Executor of her will, which would entail him flying back and forth to BB Cali, something he does not wish to do (nor can we really afford it), but according to her, "he is her Only living relative), except Bad Brother, whom she wants nothing to do with, so she is apparently sending ppwk for hubby to sign, but thankfully she has a friend who is a Co-DPOA, and willing to help. I just do not know what he is getting himself in for, he thinks/says he will probably decline this role, but he is such a softy when it comes to these sorts of things, and buys into the BS! Grrr! I guess she may actually be dying after all.

So, that's where we are with his Dysfunctional family, but my big family is A-OK, as usual!

Does it Ever End?

Tune in next time................... Stace

Golden, I think I have been reading about you clearing out and downsizing since the fire, isn't your house empty yet?🤣🤣
(just kidding of course🤗)

(((((Dori)))) your mum is gorgeous . All of what you are feeling is normal - fatigue, rage, leave me alone...I think you have a lot of sleep to catch up on and, of course, grieving, Re your cuz - I think ignoring him is the best you can do, but I know it will not be easy. He sounds dreadful. Vent all you need to. and yes, have him arrested if he causes trouble. Will you have ushers? Have them escort him to a different pew. Rope off your pew for you and bro.

gershun - looks like you are great at not giving some people in inch. That's good. Some take 10 miles if you let them.

glad wow - progress. Looking good. I would hate having to make all those decisions, but it will be lovely when it is done. Good craziness for sure.

madge - I have gone backwards - long and parted in the middle again

stacey - feeling better good thx. So tough with fil's bedroom and all the stuff. I think I will get dd over here later on the fall and do a big clear out. Meanwhile I will try to sell a few things. I know what you mean about pictures -I am stuck there too and realize I have to be ruthless. The son that has disappeared off my radar and his wife gave me as huge framed photo of themselves a couple of years ago. I would never hang it - so I will take a photo of it and toss it. She (dil) is famous for giving gifts that are not the taste of the people she gives them to. Isn't is a blessing to have relief from the smoke?

duck - belated Happy Birthday. Glad you had a good day. Your sis is not going to change. Avoidance is good. Hope mum is on a "good" phase. I am not actively looking for a place any more, I know the complex where I want a unit. units come up for sale regularly, and I will check when I am closer to selling this house.

Finally am rid of the "sweats" I was having. I think I was fighting a bug. Hopefully, now I will have a little energy to get at the house again, I am going to ask R to take his stuff south this fall then do a big clean out with dd's help. That should make housekeeping a little easier for the winter, and get me ready for the last cleanout in the spring. I can only cope with it in phases. I need to get rid of some plants too, Some of them are huge and taking over too much space, but I love being surrounded by greenery during our long winters. Fall is definitely upon us though no frost at night yet. Hear's hoping for an Indian summer.

Take care all and be good to you.

Dorianne, if he is a child molester, yes that is a deal breaker for sure. But if there is no proof there then you can't very well say anything about that. If the truth were to come out I'm sure no one would want him there and you'd probably have the whole place put him out on his a**.

I'd hate to be in your shoes. People like that make me physically recoil. Get a can of Raid and keep it by your side. Spray him if you have to.

Gershun - I am like you, in that I shut them out. I have pretty much shut cousin out for many years now, and only intervened on those two occasions because it was upsetting mom so much.

I think part of my rage at this guy is - I just kind of realized it, writing back to my brother - there was an incident where my cousin got arrested for being with an underaged girl. It was all hushed up from me and mom because I was working at the women's centre at the time. (Edit: it was hushed from me anyway, after the initial arrest. Maybe mom kept it all from me because she knew I'd make waves in the family. I dunno.) I still don't know the outcome (though I do know less than 3% of reported cases even make it to court). But messing with kids is one of my few unforgivables in this world. I literally want to fire a nail gun at molesters. They make my skin crawl. I have no proof except for witnessing the phone call with the news of his arrest, or I COULD stop this farce, but if there's anyone I could believe capable, it's my cousin.

And I am horrified at the thought of having to share a pew with this guy, sitting next to him, letting him be in the family room, watching him fake his way through my mother's memorial. I just told bro flat out, if he tries to touch me or hug me, I'm not going to let him, even if it's in a public place. And that all I could promise was silence, none of this, "I'm sorry you feel that way" stuff.

I guess I'll see what bro does with that.

Ugh, ugh, ugh.

I don't see how we could stop him from coming. Bro says if there's a problem, we'll kick him out, and if he won't go, we'll have him arrested. But the obit has been printed and it says everyone is welcome, and cousin seems pretty determined to go.

Dorianne, when I'm around people that I really can't stand and let me preface this by saying I can't remember ever feeling that strongly against someone in my life it's not that hard for me cause I learned a long time ago how to say no to these types of people and not feel a bit of remorse about it. Thus the reason why I don't have many of these types of people in my life. People I don't like don't ever get that chance with me. I shut them out. They don't exist to me.

If you give people like this an inch, they take a mile. Don't give them that inch. If you really feel that strongly about this, could you get others who will back you up and bar him from attending.

I wish I could give you more concrete advice but if you don't want to make a scene at your Mom's service which I'm sure you don't then what to do. Ignore him...................!!!!! That's about all I can suggest to you my dear.

But please try to calm down. All this anger is not good for you and it doesn't sound like your cuz is worth it.

(Continued from previous post.......)

Again, I tried to go back to sleep. One more an hour later: 

"It's my sincere wish that somehow this will bring us all closer sadly none of us had kids to carry this family on. I offered to take (his mom) to the service she says she doesn't feel well enough to travel she breathes with an oxygen machine, has dementia, legally blind and can barely walk her days are numbered too its so hard to prepare for the inevitable passing. I'm trying to arrange flights to Vancouver 99% chance I will attend again I am so sorry (your mom) has passed on."

To which I finally said, "I am sorry I am not a morning person, but everybody gets the same me at 8 in the morning. Please take up your issues with (brother)."

By this time I had sent my brother two warning texts and something like 6 e-mails venting my frustration because I promised not to get into debates. Also sent it all to BFF - she decided to hustle me off to the lake for the rest of the day and that helped a bit. But.....GRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Also note that I couldn't even get into mom's FB until Friday evening - I had to get the e-mail PW from mom's internet provider so I could re-set the FB PW, because I couldn't remember either. (FB will cut off everyone's log in access if they know the person is dead.) I'm also gonna say auntie's phone is likely out of service because he stopped paying the bill - which has happened before. So I'd guess this whole lashing out is a big deflection from owning the blame on having to hear about my mom's death from a stranger on FB.

I do not WANT this man at our mother's memorial. I don't want him in the family room, I don't want him sitting next to us in a pew, and I sure as hell don't want him getting up to speak. Brother and I had been trying to find a way around it, but in the end we've said it's open and there's nothing I can do. Cousin is determined to come and be this fake, pious, grieving nephew who loved his auntie and loves us all so very much and tried SOOOO hard to make us a close family....even though I can scroll up mom's FB for the last 10 years and see where he called her selfish, greedy, despicable, and several other nasty things, several times over. 

My question to you all is.....how the hell am I going to handle this douchecanoe at my mother's funeral???? When all I want to do is punch him in the face for ONCE AGAIN making things ALL ABOUT HIM. How do you deal with these kinds of people at emotional family events like funerals???

***********

Editing to add: by the way, Facebook will not let anyone access your account once they know you are dead. The choice for survivors is to have the entire profile deleted, or to "memorialize" the account so people can post willy-nilly on your page AND no one can ever log in again. There is a new option to name a "legacy" person in your settings, someone who can supposedly manage your page, and I suggest doing so. I've already done it. I don't know if they'll have options beyond the two mentioned above though - I'm going to leave the password in my will just in case.

I need to post this because it's so........I was so angry this morning I thought I was going to have a rage stroke. And I need to figure out how to deal with this nutcase, because obviously he's going to force his unwanted self onto mom's memorial. I apologize that this is long, and I'm probably going to have to post in 2 parts. 

So, a note must preceed this that I blocked my cousin - mom's only blood nephew - on my Facebook about 10-12 years ago, because I can't stand him and saw through him like 20 years ago, as everyone else did. He was always trying to wheedle money out of mom, or co-signs on mortgages....first mortgage was for 850,000, then for 1,000,000. Both times mom turned him down, he miraculously found new girlfriends to co-sign these mortgages. He thinks he (he always says his mom, but he means himself) "deserves" this help because he is caregiving mom's twisted sister, who "abandoned" him as a teenager, while grandad put his house in mom's name before he died (because TS was an alcoholic and drug user, and married to a worse one, and also they had a pretty spiff house at the time). Even grandad used to say the only time he came around was when he wanted money.

The last time I "talked" to cuz was through mom's FB - basically to tell him the answer would always be no, so stop asking. His messages were....just totally narcissistic, poor me, I'm the victim of the entire family here kind of stuff. And also I told him the bald truth about how, no, my brother and I DIDN'T actually "have it made" as kids. 

Today, the cuz finally found out mom is gone, through someone posting a "memory" comment on one of mom's FB pics. (Not for lack of trying - brother has been trying to get in touch for days, but auntie's phone kept saying, "the user is not available." It's the only number we had for either of them.) 

First he posted how he was totally shocked, and just found out, and how it was going to break his poor mother's heart. I deleted that comment so I can't quote it exactly. THEN, literally a minute later (probably realizing I had control of mom's FB), he posted in the same space, "Sending sincere condolences to (my brother) and (me), thanks so much for the wonderful care you provided her. We have so many cherished memories of (my mom) she is in our hearts forever." I let that one stay. Because why not. 

THEN he messaged me privately through mom's FB: "I just heard this tragic news I will tell (his mom) when she is up my sincere condolences to (brother) and you (my name) thanks for the wonderful care you provided. My moms new phone is not working we can be reached at XXX-XXX-XXXX. (His mom) is not well and too weak to travel I will try to make the service on the 7th."

I replied, "We have been trying to get ahold of you both for some time. I am sorry you had to hear by other means."

He responded with a gif of a crying puppy dog.

I replied, "Please direct any inquiries to (my brother) at XXX-XXX-XXXX." (Bro and I made an agreement that he would do all the dealing with these two, since I am doing all the other stuff.)

This was around 7:15 AM. At 8:15, he messaged me again. "I called (brother) there's no answer."

To which I thought, Do I have to hold every man's hand on the planet? I replied, "It's pretty early and it's Sunday. Just leave him a message." Then I realized bro probably had his voicemail off, so I added, "Or send him a text." 

I tried to go back to sleep. Yet, half an hour later, three messages in a row from cuz.

"I hope you and (brother) are coping well losing a family member is the hardest thing in life."

"Telling me to leave a text or message is so cold we have felt ignored from you and (brother) for many years. I tried to make us all a closed family I know that is not your or (brother's) wish you could have easily contacted us on Facebook sorry to say this we care much more than you realize."

"We wish you and (brother) the best in this difficult time My Mom and I are truly heartbroken."

(More.....)

Ahhh, Duck, thanks. I am so excited and love to share my craziness, but a good craziness that has been a long time coming. Seven absolutely crazy years! There is a light at the end of the caregiving tunnel.

Cmag, I am sorry for your loss. I how poignant and heart touching it is to reminiscence; go though old photos and remember our hearts and innocence, youth. Every now and then I have that moment and of course the tears and smiles that come witnessing it again.

Glad, I am so excited and happy for you. I am loving every moment you share.

Golden, I hope you are well and making progress in your search for new living space.

I actually looked at the Samsung fridge and package. I did not like the glass door. Just kept thinking of keeping it clean of my fingerprints. I don't think it did much special, but may have. I just did not like the clean issues with it. I thought I found a package at Sears hometown, three pieces, micro extra. I loved the stove, gas, thought the oven was electric but was not. So, electric kitchen it is. Would like gas stove, buy combined with electric oven they get quite pricey. Oh the Samsung Family Hub? Good thing it is just me to keep track of me or I might think I need it.😉

Would someone please tell me what the attraction is with the French door fridges?
I prefer the old side by side. Or is that just me being old fashioned?

Samsung or LG (I love the blue interior!) It will be.

It is overwhelming picking floors, tile, granite, lighting, ceiling fans, etc. Will meet with landscaper Tuesday. Hoping to at least get irrigation and sod in this fall.😁 And don't forget paint colors.

Becky, my thoughts and prayers are with you. You have so much on your plate. I hope surgery goes well for you and as well as your brother's recovery.

Dorianne, your sleep issue may be depression which would only normal or it could be just plain exhaustion. I have a hard time falling asleep so the rare times I sleep for a long period of time, I know my body needed the rest.
I wish you smooth waves in your mourning process.

My weekend was lovely, My birthday was Saturday. I had plans to go out to dinner which got postponed and worked out well for me. But I did enjoy a pedicure and manicure. It seemed that people were extra nice to me everywhere., or maybe because I was smiling inside.

I came to some type of terms about my mother and her care, as I have done over and over. The bottom line for me is to leave. I am not able to do so. and it would be mores stress for me traveling back and forth and Goodness knows what kind of schemes would happen.

For a minute there I felt like a big fool. Not just for recent events, but life events, I should have left my family, truly left, a long time ago.

So the reality is how much I truly love my mother and how attached I am too her. I have moments when I look at her and get sad knowing one day she will be gone. Knowing that in some ways, she is already gone and the grown up little girl in me is grateful for the remnants of her mind, and her personality. Sometimes she makes me feel good and say all the things I needed to hear but never did, which is why I always find myself trying to please.

Due to what I have learned here in this forum and others, I realize I have to let go of some things. I mean there are moments when my mother will say something ugly with that tone that will give me flash backs and I try to let it just be a flash. Because these moments we have left are the ones I will need to go to when I think of her. Her charm and humor. Not the ugly even if it was a reality.

She jokingly tickled my feet as she passed me laying on the sofa bed watching tv while my food cooked in the famous crock-pot. The connection made my day.

And she ate like a villain. I did not pay my sister any attention as unusual, I really understood that with a narcissist you have to do avoidance. My therapist discussed some things and encouraged me to continue my case study on this personality type. So I think I have made another milestone in being OK with accepting that there is no more sister or family where these people are concerned and I just have to do the best I can do with my mother and be okay if I too burnt out at times and need a break.

So, I had barbecue pigs feet. Which were a specialty for my mother, also yellow turnips with the pig tails. This thing works really well. I enjoyed every moment wondering how it would work. I also made steak and gravy. I love it. I just dont like having to do one thingh at a time. Cook book gives recipe for banana bread. I guess that is next.

I have been using a lot of mint, garlic and ginger for the remant cough from my last illness and shared it with my cousin who has lung and stomach ca after a right then left breast battle and then a battle with ca in spine. She is coughing a lot. I cant stand to hear her on the phone and I am hoping she has finally tried something and it has helped.

I still have want to reach out but I have to go back and update myself so I dont get some posters mixed up. Especially when I feel the same type spirit from the same people, I have done that several times and I apologyize.

Rays of Divine, Love, Peace, Happiness, and Health to you all.

Dori, Your Mom was So Beautiful! We have tons of those Glamor Shot photos of my MIL, so many we don't know what to do with them, also a huge oil painting of her that she commissioned to be painted for my FIL for his 65th birthday, which he had hanging in his bedroom, what to do with that, we do no know. It's kinda creepy actually!

Many other wall paintings that are definitely not our style, but feel weird about giving away. There is a huge Caricature of my FIL given to him by his crew at work, when he retired, it's cute and a great liking of him, but again, what to do with it, especially as we are downsizing, getting ready to sell our home, to move into a much smaller Condo, so we need to figure that out ASAP!

SharynM, hopefully your brother will be "coming to" here real soon now, so sorry that it has been so stressful for your family! Thinking of you!

Cmag, so sorry for the loss of your HS friend! My 40th HS reunion is coming up here Next month, and we have a FB site that we all communicate on. It's unbelievable how many classmates that have passed over the years, it make you feel that we Definately are Not Infallible! I think there are at least 20 or more that have died, it is so sad! You take care!

Glad, Your new house is really coming along! It's sounds so beautiful, and I can't wait to see a pix of the final product! Did you find your new appliances during the Labor Day Specials? I know that when we were looking at a new stove earlier this year, the HOME DEPOT had terrific sales prices on the whole combo package, fridge, stove, dishwasher, and microwave oven! Had we planned on staying here forever, it definitely is the way to go, so much cheaper that way! Did you get the new Samsung Refrigerator with the see thru door, computerized screen that does everything but wipe your bum? I loved it, but it's Pricey! Lol!

HI Golden, hope you're feeling fine! Any new developments in the search for a new Condo on your horizon? We are tossing things left and right, and giving away things on the Free site on FB.

I've been going through my kitchen, and know that I can do without 3/4s of it, why hold onto dishware, servingware, huge pots and pans and appliances that we only use once in a blue moon and can do without (like just go to eat 😉), and linen, I Never use! My kids are loaded with all things kitchen, so they don't want it, not their color or style, so it's all gotta go!

I still haven't completely cleared out my FIL's bedroom where he passed, I just hate even being in there, but we are running out of time, so have got to face up to it here Soon!

Hope Everyone is doing well, all good her on the Western Front, especially now, since the BC smoke from their fires have now blown over! Take Care All!

I still look like my kindergarten picture. Medium length blonde with bangs. My Hubs always tells me I look just like a toddler. LOL Oh, I do have purple added now though.

I did go through the eighties with the big permed hair with almost a whole can of hairspray. Man, the eighties was a bad look for so many. :P

Glad,

how exciting!


Dori,

that's a wonderful picture of your mom

in the 70s, we all had long hair parted in the middle
now, we all have short hair parted on the side