The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

Hi Book! ((((Hugs))))). I just asked DI about Itaewon. We went there on third night in town. It was wonderful. I didn't see the purses. It was great shopping, They have everything. We went to Osan songtan yesterday I bought a nice LV bag to go with a wallet purse my son and his wife got me for Christmas I was thrilled. Not in to that type stuff really but I needed a bigger bag to carry phone and I always have this large purse with folders and papers. So I needed something nice for the rare times I meet friends for dinner or whateer.

I did pick up a few change purses with Korean paintings for I in Osan also. Yes I saw the silver chopsticks!! Wow. I tried many times to use and cant get the hang so when I saw them I was tempted to get a pak but I had such a stressful time organizing junk in my room I told my self don't you dare. When I had a small window garden I would use the wood ones for support.

We are going to a movie and Korean barbeque this afternoon. I walked behind house yesterday and noticed a bike in back. So this am I think about taking a ride thought about the humidity and heat and changed my mind. LOL.
So stircrazy mode had me folding laundry. They have lots with 3 three children. So I try to take a load off daily and fold a few things.

Oh and yes those comforters are the best. My son sent me the most beautiful one for my birthday. I have not used it yet. I get hot even in winter. summer is nude city for me. Its almost like a fur coat, so pretty. I am sleeping in oldest grands room and she has a pretty pink one which I gladly use with the AC. No AC home. I gave away two when I moved back into my mothers. I had a nice sears Ac in basement which worked beautifully but the electric lines are not upto date I use Iron while my little heater is on in winter and circuit breaker goes off.

Sharyn you are absolutely correct about all those issues waiting for me and will be there so enjoy my self.
I enjoy the peace, its kind of weird laying back on a sofa and watching a good show. I just gave up my tv time. Had a good time figuring out chromecast and playing shows and movies from my shjowbox** app on my phone. Some things have lag which is aggravating, I caught a few good ones and found a few kid movies and shows that will play.

Even posting now is a luxury I am enjoying. If I was home Id have to wait until work and post.

Booklvr if you think of anything else, I am all ears. I have about 6 more days here. my son put off going to Seol yesterday for tomarrow. which is Thursday here. jWe will also be going to an aquarium. Also while in Itaewon, we went to a nice restaurant, TomyTula, the food was great!!!!!!
The night life is awesome. It was wonderful, they really love children here, I mean like crazy. Men Women, teens,Elders all show a lot of love to the childen. cant say that when it comes to adults. some of the natives are very friendly and embracing and some have learned behaviours that are not so nice and took a while to sought of adjust to. I wont talk straight talk so as not to offend anyone here unintentionally.
. Same issue anywhere you go in every race and culture.


Dorianne, sounds like you all are getting ready to JAM!!!!! I can feel the aura just reading your post. I don't know the artist but I am absolutely positive she is awesome. My clients father is a musician who has played with some famous groups in US. The mother downloaded I think its a group called Curve and me and my girl love it. I play the playlist in the mornings when I get her ready for school.

I played the guitar when I was in grade school. I asked for it. Got it for chrismas and then hated the lesson. But I grew to love certain cords and combinations. I played once for a school function and I honestly lost my self in playing it was awesome. I think music is an expression of God. I love all kinds of music. I used to tune in to classical sometimes while driving and sometimes forget the hip hop kids where in the back and get a lot of grunts

Dori, break a leg and great musical challenge.
DDuck enjoy your family.
Becky hope your vacation is restful and restoratitive for you.

Has as anyone heard or know what happened with Jessiebelle?

DDDuck are you taking advantage of the shopping there? I only went one time to Seoul for the weekend. Room, air and tour was included - business trip. I had great fun shopping at Itaewon. I loved all the unusual trinkets one doesn't see at home. My business associates went crazy over the purses. Whenever my BIL was stationed in Korea, he would buy those thick bed comforters. It was quite inexpensive. To buy it here on island was like double the price. I don't use the air con in my bedroom so I was never interested in comforters. I know Itaewon is a tourist area but … sometimes it's great to be a tourist!... By the way, I recalled walking down to a basement, and was surprised that there was a mini shopping area down there...

We went to eat lunch at a restaurant. The waitress asked if we wanted bread or rice with our meal. She was quite shocked when we all said rice. Eh! We live in Asia not North America. Our main staple is rice not bread or mashed potato.  sigh.... in another restaurant, they only had metal Round chopsticks. I may live in Asia but I'm terrible with wooden squarish chopsticks. Imagine using a round metal one! … {blushing} same thing happened with a Hong Kong business associate. He took us to lunch - in which they had round metal chopsticks. My Filipino partner was an expert with the chopsticks. I was struggling with mine. I gave up trying (and trying and trying) to lift up my noodles. It kept sliding off the chopsticks. When I gave up and looked up, our Hong Kong business associate was watching me with fascination as I tried (unsuccessfully) to try to eat the noodles....

Enjoy yourself! Have fun! Put aside the worries. Because no matter what, it will be waiting for you when you return home. So, you might as well enjoy yourself.

Hey all! I just wanted to pop in and say hi! And tell you I haven't been around much because I am madly trying to get ready for our Joni Mitchell show August 1. I'm sure things will be a bit calmer once it's over, but right now, every spare second I have is consumed with practicing. (Literally, there's nothing in my head but Joni Mitchell - even when I'm sleeping!!!) Which feels good! And challenging, because we're doing the songs as she wrote them (with all her weird guitar tunings, quirky timing, and vocal styling....and not skipping over her "jazz years" either, which....oof! That stuff is tricky!). Being challenged feels good, too! I mean....being challenged with MUSIC feels good. Being challenged by my mother.....meh. Lol.

So I haven't disappeared....just on a bit of a hiatus, I guess, while my 2 cohorts and I try to master the material in time for the show! Big hugs to you all!

Thanks Becky and Stacey.

I am still trying to figure out this new format. It a little wierd and frustrating trying to figure things out.

Well I am really having a nice time. My daily routine is getting out going to get groceries, or something needed in the house or for work, a new wig, something. Now I wake up at 4am which is 4pm back home. Everyone is sleep. Today is another down day tomarrow we go to Seoul again and then for a sea food lunch to my son's job.

So I go a little stirr crazy at moments because I am always on the go once I get up. Mainly figure out what to cook then go get it becuase I cant leave food in freezer. Or cleaning, or fighting pest.

The jet lag is over. And for a change I really dont need melatonin to fall asleep. I left my supplements home by mistake and thank goodness I have not caught cold or conjestion or sinus issue so I am feeling really blessed.

I get these spasms in my legs sometimes and pain when I sit too long along with stiffness and pain with walking when I sit too long. These issues are greatly diminished, Thank goodness!! I am smoking a lot less also and when I do , it rarely a whole cigarette. That may be becuase I have to leave premises to smoke. I didnt even go on balcony last night for my few puffs.

Wrote a few postcards, I have 2 more to write. I am always thinking of my mother. I feel a little twisted that I cant call and see how she is doing. My cousin who is like a niece the one with cancer would hear and tell me if anything happened. By the way she still has the shortness of breath and getting transfusions like every two weeks. I have moments where I get so sad wondering her fate. Deep inside I feel this battle may be her last and she and my son were on the phone and I heard him say I will tell her (meaning me, we were walkingfrom store) when I got to car I was almost in tears and started to say dont tell me nothing if its not good. He finally said she was feeling better. But next day she text she was still short of breath and going to see doctor. They still have not found the source of the shortness of breath. she says her abdomen is swelled, she looks pregnant and she can only walk a few steps at a time. I know Chemo is very draining. And with all the new innovations there is not telling what combination of sideeffects will prevail. I wish there was something I could do. I just pray and try to be there for her, encourage her make her laugh and listen to her vent. My aunt who is also her aunt my mother sister is just like my mother and sister and gives her a lot of stress for so many years. Her daughter is pregnant 18 and now living with this aunt after she and boyfried fell out.

Whoa, I started to gointo a detailed history and had to delete it. I get carried awaysometimes and tend to ramble. It's all meaningful to me but would most likely be a very agravating. LOL

Anyways, this is a lovely leisure moment for me. I am sittling here with my new laptop lol, (no emoji). By the time everyone wakes up, I will have gone back upstairs. I usually fall asleep watching my shows on the phone.

Then I get up and watch shows with the grands. This is my time on the main tv. I enjoy the kid shows and movies. Some movies my client watches daily overthe four years I have been workingwith her so thats when I go out have a smoke and a few cocktails and watch a movie onphone or talk with my sonwhilehe is grilling or get on line.

My mother is always in the back of my mind. Twisted or nephew dont answer when I call from home so i know better than to play my self and try to call especially since I had the nerve to up and go away. its still weird not being able to call and hear her voice or rambling.

Its hot and humid here. The nights get cooler almost nice. First mosquito attack last nite. lol.

Rays of love light and peace to all truly from my heart.

I am continuously gracious for this forum and all you wonderful folk (((((((HUGS)))))))

Dduck, you have Fun! You So deserve it! Enjoy those Grandies!

Duck, Have a safe trip. Enjoy the time with your son and grandchildren. Take good care of yourself.

Hey I do want to mention that I texted my nephew about leaving with no answer. When I got here my son says he called him with no response. A few days later he texted him and told him I was visiting. Then nephew responds, saying he did not answer number he didnt know. BS. My son has texted him several times from the K number saying who he was.

I just don't get it. I practically raised him. He and his brother were like brothers to my son. In the community the church with my mother. I took them on all kinds of trips and events when they were growing up. I still find it hard to believe what we have become as a family. We all lived together for years when they could not set foot where my sister lived with her boyfriend. I am far very far from perfect but I never said a word against my sister or did anything to hurt anyone. I just can't understand how we got this way. I am having a hard time accepting lt.
I have a problem letting go. The good memories lead to how did we get here.

The therapy has helped in a lot of ways. But I still have a long ways to go. Not to mention being middle aged, concerned about my health, my own aging process and issues, wanting to have someone to grow old with laugh with and to share with.

Anyways, it feels good to be able to share some of my innermost concerns.

Oh yes, my visit was for my son;s birthday. We went to a resort, a cruise ship on land by the ocean. It was an awesome three days and we bought fireworks he was able to set them off on the beach that night after a boat ride and dinner. It was well deserved and just wonderful.

Rays of light love and peace to all.

Greetings, Everyone!
I have been off line for a good while and need to catch up.
I hope you all are well, and in good spirits.

I am having a great time here in Korea. All my worry and anxiety was for nothing. I mean I would have frequent panic attacks just thinking of packing, getting the ticket, looking at the itenerary.

I again, realized how much I missed my mother. Even though we didnt have the best mother daughter relationship. I was accustomed to calling her on every trip I made and late nights during my shift. I know that she would get a thrill sharing that I was in Korea visiting my son and would love seeing the pictures and videos laughing at the antics and how the grands were growing up, all the dancing and prancing....

So I have dreams, I guess working out my concerns. I dream my room was open and things were moved or taken, changes made in the house. Confrontations about "now you see" realizing that there is no logic to my sister's thinking and knowing she want to blame me for any revelations about my mother's care while I am away.

I left a note for her that I would be gone a few weeks, to please give my mother the meals on wheels and freeze the unused ones. Also to feel free to use the chucks on floor for the dog mess.

He had started doing his busiess on living room floor. So that was added work. I dont think she or my nephew were aware so I know they have had a lot of discoveries pertaining to the needs and care of my mother. I am anxious about the affects of it all will pertain to me.

I had some guilt about leaving. And yes, this was a much needed break. I am a lot more relaxed and have real smiles and laughter in my life.

Nothing is perfect but I am so grateful to spend this time with my son, his wife and the grands. He had days filled. we went so many places and did a lot of things. I still have another week and I am embracing the love, and happiness.

I also got a laptop, finally. Dont know much about this technology but I got simple one not so expensive. I have to take it to a guy on my block to download my movie app and games. Well....... I can go on and on. It felt good seeing the site and getting on see the familiar names.

I have much love for you all and send rays of love peace and happiness.

Ms Madge, We’re going to stop in Cape Breton on the way home next Saturday. Tonight going to The Triangle in Charlottetown to see Kelly Mooney, one of our favorites. This is a great area. Shore is beautiful. Cottage we’re renting is exactly as advertised. Charlottetown has lots of nice restaurants including one dedicated to chocolate🙂 Hope everyone is having a good weekend!

Ms Madge, I looked up that pub. I don’t think it’s too far from where we’re staying. It’s at Cape Breton. Will try to check it out. Sounded good and the food sounded interesting. I’m supposed to limit my exposure in crowded public places, but maybe early evening or late afternoon before it gets too crowded.

Yay, Becky

not too sure of the distance, but look up the red shoe pub - I think it's near PEI

Got word earlier from my cardiologist. My ultrasound and blood work are okay. Got approval for a week’s vacation as long as I don’t go too far afield, don’t use public transportation, etc. So we’re going to spend a week in a cottage on the shore at Prince Edward Island. Be good to see some different scenery. Hoping to catch a singer that we both like at a pub where she regularly performs - Otherwise no itinerary - simply rest.

I don't know!!! Maybe this is a new business practice.

The denturist sent the invoice, which was higher than she quoted me on the phone. Ooops, I forgot too tell you the soft liners are more expensive than the hard ones. Originally she was going to send me a quote before she did the job, then she went ahead and did it and sent me the invoice. I called a different plumber and he was ready to schedule me in without giving me a quote at all. No thank you. Send me a quote and a pic of the faucet so I can see if it is the right one.

If I don't have fm pain tomorrow I may be able to go downtown and pick up the one I want, if they have it, and get then first guy to install it. He is the cheapest so far. It shouldn't be this complicated.

I hear the concerns with the new site. I had a few blips but they seem to be sorted out. I am still finding my way around and that will take a while, I know. Using an cell phone to access the site would be a problem for me. If facebook can keep the same format,it seems to me anyone should be able to!!!

Take care all!

Hope you’re right Ali. I can’t read this. Have to use a magnifying glass to read who is posting. Plus the whole thing is too light. I need the darker colors.

Hoping that in a couple of weeks, the "new" site will be familiar enough to all that we want to keep using it. Having gone through a couple of format changes on AC in past few years, seems the site always loses a few regulars each time they change. I'm sure they're making changes for good reasons (I hope so!) but it's... WEIRD, like Sharyn said. hmmm

^ weird not wired haha!

Wired format, take some getting used to. I can’t say I don’t like it because I haven’t used it enough yet.

becky - hope you can go

eyes - You will find understanding here. Yes, unless you kowtow to them completely, and even then, they will turn on you and slander you to others. I hope you are done with them. I am done with my sis. I agreed to be POA to mother as she needed someone, and although she and sis were "friends" she knew sis was after her money. Eventually some people.friends catch on. Mother is now 106 and not able to cause much trouble any more, but life long till a few years ago it was pretty bad.

glad - those guys are working hard. That dream does indicate that you are not as distanced as you would like to be, Aaaargh.

book - I have had those dreams. What stress are you under? I had awful nightmares when my thyroid was low and untreated.

cw -or we wake up because of the dream. Some I wanted to go back to sleep and see how they finished, but that never happens

madge - I hear you. It is going to take a while and a few will drop out, especially if it is not friendly to their devices

The nice denturist called and told me mother's dentures are relined and "installed". She said mother did not say they were better - did not respond to her asking if they fit OK. I said that probably means they are good. You only get a response when it is negative. She laughed.

The plumber came to install a new kitchen faucet - reeking of cigarette smoke and with his jeans hanging barely at 1/2 mast. His melange grey underwear was clearly visible. Better than the alternative, I know. I asked him what he had for me and he unpacked a faucet that had no resemblance to the one I have and had a shiny rather than the brushed finish I had requested. I had told the guy that runs the outfit I wanted a brushed finish and sent him a photo of my present faucet, and he assured me I could have one that was very similar, and gave me a price. Now he is saying one like mine would be more expensive. Not for me it won't. I will find someone else if I have to, or go and buy the faucet I want at the price I want it, and they, or someone else, can install it. It rarely is simple, is it?

Aaargh!!!

Time for some lunch and relaxation

Ms. Madge, I agree completely.

this new site is a bad dream

I think we are more apt to remember our dreams if we are woken up in the middle of one. I almost never remember my dreams but when I do they are usually weird.

I wonder what's up about dreams. Early this morning, I actually remembered a dream. It was so real. When the alarm went off, I struggled to wake up. I just remembered being glad that it was only a dream. That it wasn't real. Not a nightmare. Just not a happy dream.

Could be triggered with the current stress I'm under.

The Switch to the new site was hit about 1:30 am eastern time. Then I went back to sleep.

Strange dreams. The friend of mom's who was so helpful to me had passed. I went to her funeral with someone (not sure who) Sat down started looking around. Person I was with asked me about moms coat business, I spotted one of the coats mom designed, (wait that coat has an applique attached to the back. that is a picture of the helpful friend). Then I realized person wearing the appliqued coat was ts1 and that ts2 was with her. By this point I am just trying to not be noticed by twisteds. Then of course they had to sit near me. Only problem, these seats were benches where each two rows faced each other. No avoiding twisteds now. Then my kids followed sissies in and sat with them momentarily then switched sides and sat on the bench I was. Then I woke up.

UGH! I guess I am not as emotionally distanced from those crazy dysfunctional times as I thought I was.😧 Dreams are so weird.

Eyes, sure glad you had your beloved dog, who really loved you, too....

Welcome Patty. Most of us are here due to crazy, narcissistic siblings and dysfunctional relationships. You are just beginning and my thoughts are with you. It is a very long and arduous journey.

Hi, pretty new at posting on here. Mom is approaching 85 years old and lives alone. S1 doesnt work and S2 not working,but they are very "busy" and yet I am the "caretaker." Some days it feels like I can't go on like this but Mom needs looking after.
I have no ability to make decisions for Mom as I am not the legal appointee and she still has faculties about her to make her decisions. It is hard to see her decreasing in mental accuity but as long as I can let her live independently, I will be here for her.
My point is that I would never have imagined in my life how removed S1 and S2 could be about Mom's care. I know that at the end of this, whenever that will be, I have lived my best life and given all I had to my Mom. I cannot imagine looking to be friendly with them or visit. They have been so selfish in this process and shown true colors.

For the sake of my own family and children, 13 and 8, I continue to update them on her issues, but I know that they dont care. I doubt they have ever cared for someone, truly cared for someone in their lives.
For their sake, I hope they have a good relationship with their childen because you can bet your a** that I will not be the one to take care of them.
Pray for me....Patty

Very busy day today at my house. Master bath tub is in deep soaking jetted, sewer connection made, driveway graded, electric boxes in, front door delivered (may be installed by now), can lighting installed, no bulbs yet. They were cutting stairs when I was there but not yet installed, I imagine they are now.

Thank you everyone on this thread. I must say I been a nursing assistant for 18 years, working and caring for the elderly in nursing homes and sometimes at there home's. But nothing compares to the h*ll my family has put me through. The more I try to help , the more I see how sick and twisted they are. So I have nothing to with my family. All I can say is keep all receipt's and any documentaion of any care you provided for a narcissistic person. Because they will try and turn on you and turn family and friends against you. She was successful with poisoning the family with her twisted evil mind, but not the friends. Now her 2 friends are seeing the true colors of that family. Cover you arse because they get older and it gets harder for them to maintain there craziness. Done with those ppl.

Golden, Hopefully going to the Broadmoor in August. A bunch of PJ’s friends and spouses are having a 5-day get together. Hope I’m able to go.