notrydoyoda Posted January 2012
The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?
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My niece updated me. Sis has changed the house insurance to eliminate the contents which are mainly my nieces..I suppose that is fair enough since sis no longer lives there. Niece is working with a lawyer to support her interests, She is, understandably, very hurt. Sis is acting as if nothing is wrong. Niece was adopted so she now feels abandoned by two mothers. She is an alcoholic as well which doesn't help, but she functions very well at her job and business. All I can do is give her support and let her know I love her.
My allergies seem to be much more sensitive now so I am having to read labels very carefully. My fave choc is out now and also a fave ice cream, but there are others which will work. I have to order vegan choc bars on line as none are available in town, The upside is that some of the sinus problems I have been having should go away once I eliminate what I need to. I think it has been affecting me more and more over the last year or more. - prob since evac which is when my skin issues flared up. Stress related. no doubt.
Possible good news is that they are testing a drug which, if their theories are right, will cure CFS. I do hope this happens. I am so tired of being tired.
Since hearing of my sis's TIA, it has me wondering what would happen to mother if I got ill and could not handle my POA duties. Sis is the back up and she couldn't handle it at the best of times. It is beyond ridiculous that seniors are looking after ancients. I wanted someone younger appointed as back up (like my dd) but mother wanted sis, so there we are. If I were hit by a bus, or whatever, I believe that the public trustee here would have to take over.
Oh well, one day at a time and do something good for you.
Gershun -I don't like pics of me either. Never ever give up on yourself!!!!
Eyes - this thread has helped many of us and continues to. Nobody gets it like someone who has been there. So sorry about your dog. (((((hugs))))) A pet is family. I may mourn some pets more than some family members.I have a narc mother and sister too and they have made my life very difficult at times. I sympathise with you. Yes my family is dangerous to me too.
cmag - you have helped many by your comments as well
glad -oh wow -shingles on the roof. Moving along!!!
madge - discouraging isn't it? Not surprised you were irked.
becky -planning a trip?
book - you and your family made the right decisions for your situation
frazzled -those are tough times and it sounds very much like he appreciated the visit. Everyone's situation is different and you have to play it one step at a time.
cats - there are "normal" imperfect people and there are some who are way beyond that. Here we mostly share how people in our lives with mental illnesses have and are affecting us and our families.
But, I wanted to let you know how we came to that decision. And yes, it was a hard decision to make. I weighed the pros and cons for days - even before my off-island siblings arrived. I knew that a decision had to be made if we should call mom's siblings. Should we call them or not? Once all my siblings were here, I brought it up. And everyone immediately said no and gave their reasons. We all agreed.
You're right that it will be difficult when your mom reaches that point in her life.
When mom gets to that point in her life too, I know I'll have to face this tough question, and with our crazy family and their drama, there is just no telling what I'll have to deal with.
I remembered very clearly thinking this: "My mom is dying. And here they are, laughing, smiling, talking - as if it's not serious. My mom is dying." I looked at my sibs. They were all solemnly just staring at mom's family. That 2nd time this happened, my dad told us that from now on, if mom is dying, he doesn't want anyone to contact her family. We All Agreed.... I can still remember that scene.
And yet, I remember years ago, we took care of a dear elderly friend, my husband and I moved him in with us during his last few weeks until he was moved to hospice, as he had no family that he was speaking to, and was afraid he would die at his home alone. He had liver cirrhosis, and his liver was slowly shutting down.
He had told me that he didn't want any of his family to know about his condition, nor did he wish to see them, for the same reason, that they never bothered to call or visit him, so why did they need to know anything?
I didn't know his family, as they had been estranged for many years. Yet, when he was transferred to a hospice facility from the hospital after docs said there was nothing more that they could do to prolong his life, I really wrestled with this. In his last days, he was in a coma, and I decided to go ahead and call his aunt and brother, as they were the only ones I had contact information for. I struggled with guilt as far as what if I do, what if I don't. And not being family myself, I just felt that it was the right thing at the time.
A couple of days before he died, his family came to visit, him already being in a coma. I wasn't there during the visit, but the hospice nurse told me the next day that he had tears running down his cheeks when they left. Did I do the right thing? I still don't know, but I like to hope that some healing took place for him to know his family did come to see him in his last days, and whatever was said during that visit.
Does anyone have any idea what weather might be like in Colorado Springs CO in late August?
pepper me with questions on mom's mental acuity asking me who she still knows etc
Maybe because of the heat or the fact that no one at the table including frick and his grown kids have bothered to visit mom in the past year even when she was in hospital with sepsis, her questioning irked me
We are our own worst critics, to be sure. I think it's a woman thing, maybe, as we're socialized to think our outsides are important to our value. That's not true, but society is nicer to attractive people, in general.
Having a personal trainer is a huge expense for me at this time, but it's an investment in myself, and I'm hoping I will be ready to continue on exercising on my own after a little longer with her. She has been the greatest inspiration for getting me out of a physical rut. I was SO RUN DOWN for many of the caregiving years, and even after my dad was in new apartment, I didn't have much energy, felt really low and tired. Trainer has helped greatly, and I recommend to anyone in a rut to try working with someone else who can objectively assess your situation and get you moving, literally, in a better direction. I'm sure the new thyroid meds are helping me greatly, too.
I'm grateful. And I can handle Captain. ;-)
I've always been religious about wearing sunscreen so my skin looks pretty good for 56 and I always buy my skincare products from this skin spa place so I keep my skin healthy. I always look better in the mirror than I do in pics though. My Hubs sometimes says you look really pretty and he takes a picture with his cell and then he shows it to me and I think I look like hell.
Anywho, we are our own worst critics. Better be careful Ali. Keep posting pictures like that and the Captain will be back. ;)
There was a time when it seemed like dark days stretched out in the future and in the past, for too long, how could I make it out...? But I did. And I look better, imho, than I did before. Or at least as happy, healthy, and all that. So I'm proud, I guess, that I've physically reversed some of the things that caregiving life did to me. I've learned that blond is a great color when you're going gray, lol! I've learned that a hydrating eye cream is an essential for my 40s lol. I'm doing well. I saw the pic, and it's an exceptional one to be sure, just happened to get the right light and had some nice makeup on... but anyway, saw the pic and feels like proof, somehow, that I'm moving on past caregiving. The marks on my immune system, on my mind, will always be there but I can move on and have a good life. :-)
Yes, Ali, he has probably six peacocks, only one is white, just because he likes them. Not peacock jerky, Ali . 😉
There is also a dairy farmer that keeps some bison because he likes them. But, he cannot keep them with the cows because that property is too close to a sheep farm. Sheep carry some air born something that infects buffalo and kills them.
Beautiful day, cool, for shingles n a roof. Must drive up there to see if it was done. Went up this morning no one working yet. Contractor thought it may be today. Hope it gets done before rains.
I was so enmeshed in my dysfunctional caregiving situation that, even though I wanted to get away, it was difficult. Being told alternative facts as the truth is hard to swallow. Being told you are X, or you did X, or X happened... and it's a twisting of the truth if not a complete lie... this is incredibly difficult to get past, when you've put your heart into caregiving for Loved One.
Your life is going to be so good, so peaceful. It takes time to move on and emotionally detach, but you'll get there. (((((hugs)))))
Apropos of not much, I'd love to have a pair of swans some day if I ever have property with enough water nearby. Those birds seem so very sweet, with their forever mating and bonding.
White peacocks I am sure are rare. I don't think I have ever seen one. It was not at a zoo, but on a property that smokes pigs and makes jerky.
Just like life.
In the middle of building a house, in the middle of family dysfunction...
Here comes a beautiful peacock, white!
Is that rare where you are?