
Many of us, myself included, come from a dysfunctional family which adds a lot of weight to the challenges of caregiving. I have read stores on various threads on other topics and decided it would be good to have a thread just for this topic for people to share, vent and discuss.
The idea for this thread originated on the thread named "The Caregiver....How are YOU doing today?"
Sharyn, I am so happy for your brother getting a transplant. I think more and more people are becoming organ donors. And I know that the transplant list is long. I wish you both the best.
Golden I am always thinking of you when I am not on line.
Everyone I miss you all and forgive me if I didnt shout out personnally. I havent caught up I just read this last page. I am training a nurse tonight so my time is limited. I am going to Korea God Willing in 2 days and my anxiety level is a 10. Once I am there I may have time to share, as I will be at leisure, especially when the grands get over my newness! LoL.
Anyways I miss you all and have much love in my heart for you all. Believe me all, your names stay in my heart. So many of you have touched my life deeply with simple words, honesty and understanding. I am still growing in my dilemas but I feel a little be stronger.
Rays of light, love and peace to you all.
Rather than worrying tonight try to spend even a minute before you go
to sleep imagining your brother well and recovered after the transplant
What is his favorite pastime? See him doing it - hear him tell you how good he feels - feel the smile on your face - even the tears on your cheeks
Rest well
Of course you will get prayers all along, for you and brother.
It would be perfectly normal if you were beside yourself.
Many hugs!
I do have news...my brother is at Stanford waiting his transplant, probably tomorrow. I’m nervous for him yet bittersweet if that makes sense (regarding the donor).
Prayers, positive thoughts are appreciated.
Needed to go to pick up milk. Usually buy 2% but decided to buy 1% this time. Got up about 11pm for my midnight snack of half peanut butter Sammy and milk. At first I thought that the milk had curdled, it poured so thick. Then realised that I bought buttermilk accidentally. What a surprise that would have been if I hadn't noticed before taking a gulp! Why is the color of the buttermilk label and cap the same as 1% milk?! Now I will have to go to the store again. Buttermilk, not so bad, I used to drink it once in awhile as a kid. We always had it in the fridge for a cleaning woman that would come to mom's a couple times a month.
Those two things just on my mind while I deal with a bit of insomnia. I have been sleeping much better the past couple of weeks, except for the back pain a couple nights this week and of course the 4th. Obnoxious neighbors were blowing off obviously illegal fireworks until 4:00 am yesterday. Quiet tonight though. Now try to get to sleep. 🌛
Just a quick post on my way to bed to report: I think mom's new bedroom TV is turning out to be the ticket to my sanity after all! Three evenings in a row, I've had the main living area all to myself (and friends, one of those nights). Woooo! I should've done this a year ago!
Sharyn, Can't imagine how hard that is on everyone; you have to wonder what the person who does it is thinking? Years ago I tried it; I used to have what I call "black depressions", when I couldn't even call someone to talk to; couldn't think of a soul in the world to call.... The Lord saved me with a miracle; someone who hated me found and took me to the hospital; said he had no idea why he did it (but I do). The feeling at the time was of no hope; guess she felt the same way.
Sharyn, I certainly understand the difficulties the family is having. My dad's mom always told me to never have one child. Dad's passing by suicide was very, very hard on her. Our children are not supposed to pass before us.
Good to see you Duck. Enjoy your vacation and visit with your son. He is overseas right? Korea maybe?
I am just checking in to say hi and wish you all a Happy Holiday.
I wish you rays of light love happiness and peace as you struggle with the day to day issues that come your way.
I have been busy, still an emotional and mental wreck. Still same saga. Today I left for work later and heard my sister telling my mother not to come up stairs with her and why is she comming up there and if she comes up she is not going to let her in. I will be going away next week to see my son. Will alert my nephew that I am leaving. Other than that I have been struggling with the same issues only worse now. Because ........well it was not my intention to go here. Just saying hi and I miss you all. I tried to review a little but its a lot. Becky I wish you the best in all especially with the health issues. Golden, seems as if you have found THAT place. I hope so and wish you the best. Ali I look forward to hearing about the therapy and psych especially what helps. I am seeing a therapist. Its helpful, very much so. I get good ah ha's but I am basically still stuck in this mental and emtional vacuum about me, my mother and my sister and our dysfunction. I continue to grow, but I am very tired and burnt out. this vacation is well needed. I just hope my mother will be okay because of the true situation of that house. Sometimes I dont want to believe what I am experincing. Sometimes I feel sad for her, I feel that she knows deep inside how she has raise us and her ugly deeds. she looked real pitiful when I went to see where she was on my sisters floor befofe I went to work. she was in the bathroom fiddling around my sisters door was open. I opened the door when she was nasty talking my mother so I guess she knew sI would come and see what was up with my mother. So when I go the whole sha bang is going to come to the foreground. My cousin is not doing well, her shortness of breath is worsening, lots of blood transfusions and platelets which is a bad sign to me. She cant walk a few steps without stoping to catch her breath.
I didnt mean to pop in and write a book. I think of this AGing Care family very often. Just lately if Im not overwhelmed then I am recuperating from some hurdle I made.
Much love to you all.
What's most interesting to me is that it manifested as mental health symptoms. I was having manic thoughts, then some tears, and this kept happening for a couple of hours... in a nightclub. That's not normal exhaustion symptoms. Maybe I triggered it by pushing myself too much, I don't know. I'll tell therapist and psych and maybe I can find a way to get more stable. I can recognize it but I can't stop it from happening.
Things are really are ok with me, though. I'm moving in a few months into a new apartment, a 3 bedroom with tons more room than my current place, and rent is the same. I might get some roommates, too, but I'll have to pick carefully because I need them to be very calm and responsible people, haha. But... I'm on a decent enough trajectory for my limitations right now.
Sorry about your sis. What an event for her... for all of you. But makes sense to me, with everything you've said about her through the years, that she would be lashing out in anger at everyone else right now. Try to shield yourself from it as much as you can. You can't change anything. I'm glad you don't experience fatigue/stress from work. I do, and my job is pretty easy. That tells me that it's just ANYTHING that runs me down right now. Just being awake runs me down, lol. So this is not good. I don't have a good quality of life right now but I keep working on it. (((hugs)))
Ali, I don’t know what to say about your health other than since my mom passed away, any stress I experience ( generally family stress), I get easy exhausted with my heart rate elevated for a few days. Everyday stress from work doesn’t bother me. I’m just wondering if after being a caregiver, your body and emotions are just not up to any excitement right now. Take care of yourself (hugs)!
I’m feeling better every day. Unfortunately, my surgeries didn’t miraculously cure my sleep problems. It’s not a perfect life.
You are being a rock to your family, you know. All this fallout must be terrible for everyone.
Becky, glad you home and recovering. Soon these surgeries will a memory and you will be up doing all your normal routine.
Golden, I too have metal allergies. I can wear sterling silver or 14k gold and higher with no break outs or skin irritations. I hope the rest of your trip was more enjoyable.
More info has come out regarding my niece. Apparently she was drinking large amounts of alcohol along with taking Ativan.
My sister is very tortured with questions, what if she did not die immediately, was she in pain, why didn’t her family do something knowing she was drinking so much and taking pills. She even says her daughter is a hypocrite because she banished me from her life when I was drinking. I know it’s her pain that is causing her anger. I wish I had words to help her, but I don’t.
I watched a video about a man now in his 40’s. He survived jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco. He said as soon as his hand let go of the rail, he had instant regret. He also said he did not do it out of selfishness or to hurt anyone; it was to stop the internal battle, stop the pain and silence his thoughts.
If you know someone battling depression, it has become a very serious situation when they say they are a burden or feel like a burden. Take it seriously and try to get them help through APS or other sources.
My heart breaks for my sister, for my niece who now feels she enabled her sister, and her husband who lives knowing their last words to each other was from a bad fight.
Thanks for indulging my self-obsessed post, lol. I see that many of you are dealing with serious health issues, either yourselves or your LO's.
I see a therapist, then a psych, come August. I'm hoping they might have some input for how to better handle my anxiety. It's exhausting to experience.
My best friend has met someone though dating and they say they're getting married. (I joked that I have food in the refrigerator older than their relationship, but whatever, she's happy and I'm happy for her.) She came up and I dragged myself out to see her and have dinner with them. Then we went out to a nightclub. It was fun but... I started having very strange anxiety and panic and weird thoughts. I think it's because I was PUSHING myself to go out with her, stay out late, there were lots of drinks. My body/brain just doesn't have much reserves anymore. I push myself too much and it changes my personality.
My day was completely ruined today because I got to bed far too late to do a workout or go into work as scheduled. I knew no one was counting on me today, so it was a reasonable day to call off, but... it's not good.
It's not a crisis but I was SO MOODY yesterday and last night. I would have tears, then feeling agitated and aggressive. Ugh. It's passed but it's concerning to feel that way and act that way. I'm wondering if chronic fatigue is why I don't handle any bumps in life well at all. It takes so little to knock me off track, mentally and physically.
Fingers still crossed. If she ends up preferring the (bigger, newer) TV in her room, this will actually solve about a hundred problems......
Maybe it's a view some people have that one's true "home" is the home of one's parents? I've never felt that way (especially because of the divorce), but mom did end up living back in the house she grew up in, until she came here....though at least she had the opportunity to make it hers. This place would look much different if I had the opportunity to make it "mine." (For starters, all this bloody beige would get tossed over the balcony!)
Thanks for that, vstefans.
Well. Just got a 55" Sony TV mounted to the wall in mom's room, with BFF's and her hubby's help. Perfect view from her hospital bed - it's like her own private movie theatre and WAY more comfortable than the couch. Haven't set up the cable yet - have to get a service call for that. But we did set it up with my Chromecast, which means I can broadcast anything to her TV from my laptop or phone....or tablet (she has one but it was a gift she never used, so naturally I can't even find it). The main thing is Netflix, which is what she watches most anyway (because autoplay).
Fingers crossed this is the solution I've been looking for. The biggest issue is space....if I could just get some space, especially on the weekends when I can't go anywhere, I don't think I'd be so angry. If she could just fall asleep in front of the TV whenever she wants, like she used to do before I started staying with her, I don't think SHE'D be so angry.....
And Pam.. yeah that; how they do it, they expect you to stop any life-sustaining meds and just give pain and anxiety meds. I remember with my mom that I had to explain that her Sinemet made her able to feed herself and she valued that. They did not even want to give her anticoagulants, which she needed in order not to hasten death, which was not our goal. We just wanted her comfortable and able to interact, not totally snowed, and not to have to go back to the hospital.