Follow
Share
Read More
Find Care & Housing
i'm helping my 82 yr old mom. she is in early stage alzheimer's and wants me to move here so she can stay in her home. we've never been close: i'm adopted and she threw me out as a teen (almost 40 yrs ago). her other daughter doesn't speak to her at all. i think we have a toxic relationship that won't be healthy for either of us. plus i'd be leaving my job and moving 3000 miles away. if i leave her i'll feel terribly guilty. she's doing well on mobility and has plenty of money, plus her small dog. she is very controlling and tho i'm no longer afraid of her, i do feel sorry for her and want to help but not to my own detriment. i think i am mildly autistic as well. can this work? we get along most of the time but she's very negative and i have panic attacks about every other day. i'm here for two more weeks to decide. i need some objective opinions. am i too selfish or not selfish enough
(4)
Report

Long day but good. Financial services company no sales. Lots of training right now. Friendly people telling me welcome. Very different work environment. By the way FIL MIL cancelled plans to travel to wedding “with only R to help really not workable”....
(8)
Report

Ali,
When I run across some of my posts, I think someone else wrote them.
Then there are some that are such good answers that I am sure someone else was the author. (Not bragging, wanted to make you laugh).
(8)
Report

I read a post on AC that I made 4-5 years ago or so. I sound nuts. lol I don't know where my head was for a long time. I think being confronted with so much interpersonal stress and tension around you all the time does something to your brain. It's like you're always hiding in plain sight, can't be yourself, so you go to Dreamland all the time because it's safer there.

Just a thought.

Hey all. :-)

Hope you're feeling better and better, Becky.

How was the first day, Guest?  So pleased for you!

Sounds like a fun day, Glad.  I love those "little Indian trading post" places but haven't been to one in many years.  
(6)
Report

Guest hope it goes well. I too am in a week at a new job after 12 years of self employment. It is scary and exciting. DH is doing wonderfully with Mom while I am away. I only am doing 3 days a week, but still feel guilty. But I have found respite in my work days. So two birds with one stone so to speak. Best wishes guest, let us know how it goes.
(2)
Report

Becky hope all went well, and you will be back in fighting form soon!
Guest.. knock them dead!!! You will do great.
(3)
Report

Guest, have a great day! You will be terrific, remember they wanted you!

Tell us more about the job Guest. You sound excited, hope it is a great fit.
(4)
Report

Going to new job starting today! First time in 20 years I’ve told my son you must call your dad for help other than surgery and mom’s last hospital stay. Excited and terrified.
(7)
Report

Sounds like a good time Glad. Yay for framing, exciting.
(2)
Report

Hang tough, Becky and don't be afraid to pinch anyone who deserves it
(4)
Report

Becky...thoughts and prayers will be with you on your surgery... Please keep us posted and let us know how it goes. Have a good night! (smile)
(3)
Report

Glad, What a fun day for you, daughter and granddaughter. Framing is good.

Tomorrow I go back to the hospital and surgery on Tuesday. Get it over with and move on. I’m happy my son and grandchildren have been here visiting. A distraction from thinking about surgery. I hope this goes as well as the first one. It was better than I expected.

Hope everyone has had a nice weekend. Summer seems to be here. We’ve had abnormally warm weather for June.
(6)
Report

Spent yesterday and last night out of town with #2 daughter and granddaughters. They saw my basement for the first time before we took off. It is quite exciting. Then went to a Scandinavian festival in the mountains. It was a perfect day for it yesterday, not so much today. It was starting to rain when we left.

Stopped at a little Indian trading post that has been there since the early1900's. Mom always took us there when we were in the area. The woman that owned it originally left it to the man (he worked for her) that ran it when I was a youngster. Then he left it to the people that worked for him when he passed. The place really had not changed a bit, I was happy to see, and really did not expect it at all. Very pleased about that! Quite authentic. The granddaughters loved it as did my daughter.

Lots of wood stacked on the ground at my house. Framing this week I am sure. 😊
(9)
Report

becky - great to have visitors even if unexpected. Enjoy!

cmag - glad that your dad has hospice to care for him. Keep us updated about how he is.

glad - how is the house doing?

Thunderstorm here last night and more expected today. I have to wake up properly (mornings are slow), finish up around here then hit the road.

Have a good day and be good to you.
(6)
Report

Golden,

Thanks for asking. My dad is doing ok and he is now under hospice care at home.
(3)
Report

I was just wondering about Dori, also.
(0)
Report

Becky,
12 days ago Dorienne put her Mom in respite "for a week", must be on a vacation.
It is a lot more work to come back from respite.
Do not really know, but was just speculating.

Hoping she is ok and returns to us soon.
(4)
Report

Where is Dori? I’m worried about her and her mother.
I had a big surprise last night. My son and three grandchildren showed up from CA. They drove. I` never expected them. We’ve had a good day. They’re going to stay for awhile. 
(7)
Report

sharyn - sorry to hear about the UTI but glad your blood work is good and that you have lost some weight. That will help with the blood sugar too.

cmag - wondering how your dad is doing

peace bear - you gotta do what you gotta do. How terrible for your sis to get physical with your mum.

book - not telling them didn't cause trouble did it?

becky - in some ways it is good to get it all over and done with. You have great support.

Doriiiiiiii... where are you???? How is your mum? How are you???

Finally had a couple of good days, but back with the fm again today. Planning to drive south tomorrow if I can, so R and I can go to the mountains. The weather there will be cool but it will be nice anyway. Finally got my new lenses in. They are not as good as I hoped but better than before. I think my eyes have changed again, so I will get them checked sooner than I usually do.

Spent many hours online finding high neck long sleeved summer tops for mother - blouses and shirts mainly. Hope some of them work and aren't ruined by the laundry. It's a hit and miss process. I found nice silk blouses she would have loved, but they would get ruined. I got a couple of adaptive tops for her too.

Take care all.
(7)
Report

Becky, enjoy the weekend! Keeping you in positive thoughts.
(0)
Report

Becky- Hope you have a speedy recovery and all goes well. Will keep you in my prayers. Hope you get new recipes also.
(2)
Report

I’ve had evaluation by my vascular surgeon and cardiologist. Both think I need to have my femoral-popliteal artery bypasses done before I have more circulatory damage. So, lucky me, I get to go back in hospital Monday to have them done on Tuesday. They’re going to use artificial grafting material. Not looking forward to this, but will be glad to have it done and over. I’m starting to have numbness in places on my feet and legs because the circulation is poor. Not sure how long I will be in the hospital. The same two nurses will go with me. They are taking the weekend off. They have been so nice and helpful. I don’t want to think about what it would have been like without them.

This afternoon I have to go to the hospital nutritionist. I missed my appointment last month. I hope she has some new recipes for me to try. Diabetic and kidney disease diet gets boring.
(5)
Report

Cmag, glad you were able to see your dad and in a good mood, too.
(4)
Report

Peacebear, I know where you're coming from. I have 7 siblings. They were out of sight, out of mind. Our parents care was 'my' responsibility since I'm single and still living at home (rent-free), etc... Despite my anger/bitterness towards them, I could never forgive myself if mom had died and I didn't tell my siblings. So, I told them, and said it's up to them if they want to come now while she's still alive or wait until she dies and attend (or not) her funeral... Once my 6 siblings were here, we discussed if we should tell my mom's 6 siblings here on island who visited bedridden mom with the count of one hand for the time she was bedridden for 13 years. We siblings decided Not to tell mom's siblings (our uncles/aunties). If her siblings couldn't visit mom these past 13 years, why should we tell them she's dying? Actions speak louder than words.. I will admit to feeling a teeny tiny bit guilty for not telling them, though...
(3)
Report

Cmag, so sorry to hear about your dad. I'm praying too for you and your family.
(3)
Report

Cmag.. I am so sorry to that your Dad is declining. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
(2)
Report

I'm the youngest of 7 and I have autism I cared for my late mother and know my father. My older 4 siblings are a piece of work . The eldest in particular feels it is her entitlement to push anyone she thinks is a threat. Unfortunately that included my late mother when she and the eldest of the boys came home the week before my mother passed on in deed this sibling became physical with my dying mother and me as her care giver my father looked the other way. my advice when your loved one is sick don't allow them to come home and say there goodbyes that is what my sister who is closet to me in age number 6 who is also the power of attorney we aren't going to inform any of them only number 5 my brother cause he lives so far away.
(1)
Report

I saw my dad this morning. He was in a good mood for the short time he was awake.

My dad evidently did not make plans for his funeral. All we know is that he wanted an Irish funeral. However, he has outlived his friends and all but one of his siblings who is 10 years younger. I pointed out that his brother plus nephews and nieces will like like to come to his memorial service. Most of them live a day or two drive away and some will want to come,I am sure. Some of my cousins on my mothers side of the family knew him and might want to come also.
(5)
Report

Cmag, so sorry to hear of your father. Your family is my thoughts and prayers. Take care you as well.

Blood work is normal except I have a UTI. Most likely been lingering for a while. My weight is down dramatically, most likely from metformin.
(2)
Report

Hugs, cmag. You are suffering from both the “family filter” and the reality of decline. It’s challenging to reconcile the two. Feelings become jumbled and volatile.

You've been such a rock for your wife’s difficult family issues. Yet you might find that you need a whole new script and a whole new playbook for your current journey.

Keep us posted. You have been supportive to so many on this forum. We’d be honored to return the favor.
(5)
Report

Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter