notrydoyoda Posted January 2012
The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?
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MIL is our Last Parent Standing. That whole side of the family has a long history of rejecting good advice, making stupid decisions, twisting their woes into a victim story, then looking for a rescue.
Gotta keep my guard up. Sad but true.
I don’t comment much on dysfunction because I look back and see all of the mistakes I made. I sure wouldn’t want to give that advice and contribute to someone else making the same mistakes I made.
I go to court on Thursday over the nutty lady. No idea what will happen. My stepson says I’ll win, but I’m not confident of that. Who knows? Even if I win it won’t cure my ongoing headaches.
I hope everyone has a nice day. PJ went to the cemetery on Saturday. A difficult visit for him. Keep cool!
Those that leave are they from mostly happy and content families and have support from them after a death? Is it those from dysfunction that stick around to receive support from people here that have become our "family" and to help others?
Enjoy Memorial Day all and take a few minutes of your day to honor our service members living and dead, especially those that paid the ultimate sacrifice. Without them we would be living very different lives. Remember the purpose of this day.
I used to have an acid reflux problem in my 30s - doctor prescribed ranitidine. You can get it off the shelf now (Zantac). I wound up changing my diet a lot, so I rarely need it anymore, but I do still use it once in awhile. (What jerk came up with the idea to bread and deep fry delicious sticks of mozzarella cheese, anyway??)
I planned to have a weekend of cleaning but I've gotten nothing done except laundry and corralling the garbage so best guy friend can take it out. Oh and changed the cat litter. I did trade that complicated Bissell in for a vacuum AND a steam mop last week.....so basically I put them together today (finally) but then never did anything with them! Lol. At least they are ready to use.
I dunno what happens to me on the weekends. I just lose all my steam.
Oh, oh, oh! I did figure out why I don't seem to slide down the wedge like bookluvr does....I think....apparently I sleep with my head nearer to the middle of it, than up at the top.
Speaking of sis and mother, I had some satisfaction throwing out "family" portraits of me, my sis and mother, that mother had in her apartment. I have been taking photos out of their frames to give away the frames and eventually scan the photos, but there were a few that were hard to get out of the frames and I didn't want the photos anyway, so I just trashed them! Felt good.
Another condo has appeared on the market, no one has smoked in it and it is larger, which I prefer, so I guess I will take a look at it one of these days. I need to stay here for this week and get some things done, now that I have recovered from travelling.
Happy Memorial Day to all those who celebrate it.
Golden, I have the same type issue when my mother and sister get together. I big attitude or dismissal from my mother after she and my sister spend time. I have wondered if its my imagination when I have noted changes toward me after those two are together. Even in her dementia it seems this week when my sister was home a few days. Those days I could do nothing for my mother. Just about every thing was dismaissed in a spirit of disdain. I think I am used to it and then when it happens its a hurt I thought Id gotten over. There are times I dont know if its dementia or her real self back to the surface. I am wishing you all the best as you pursue a new home. Your instincts are great as you give golden advice. And I am sure that Karma working on it with you all along.
Susan, I loved the scholastic book club also!! Always loved reading. Got into tv series with this Sh###box app so my reading fell down. But I read on the train to and from work or on long rides.
Dori I hope you enjoy you time for yourself. You deserve it.
So Monday was my mother's birthday and Friday I gave her a little party. The stress and the frustration was well worth seeing her smile and perk up. Her humor made me gut laugh. Wherea as before I didnt get it or thought it was corny. I felt so good. I thank God I was able to do it because many times was felling like I was in over my head. I had just started feeling more like my self wednesday and I was afraid for a moment overdoing it would set me back. But I had such a feeling of peace and contentment that I knew I did the right thing.
My friend helped me with the cooking and he kind of demanded I let my sister and nephews know. I was feeling like I do every year and every year they do not come so why waste my time doing same dumb thing. But I was glad I did. they didnt show. Saw oldest nephew the day before he said he was coming. Then Saturday he came by got a few burgers said he had to work friday. He is back in the neighborhood which is not good company for him. He is a blacksheep like me and he turned to the streets which is not an easy life. I used to be scared for him. Used to tell him about patients who knew the person who shot them or set them up. Usaually a good friend.
The weather was hot and muggy. It was nice and cool today with a little rain and it felt good to be cool and feel good.
I did a little grilling on saturday, I really should have done everything on sat. and grilled and not stressed myself cooking and frying fish.
I cocked my tail Friday and Saturday and really enjoyed myself for the first time in a long while.
I hope you all enjoy the weekend. Rays of Love, Peace and Happiness to all. Smile, smile smile.
Pondering the follow up phone call re the change in mother. The nurse said that the doctor sees mother once a week and asks her three questions
Q1) "How are you?" A1) "Miserable."
Q2) "Are you sleeping well?" A2) "Yes".
Q3) "Do you have any bowel problems?" A3) "No."
Apparently they do not address the "Miserable" answer. I believe they would address the other two if the answers were in the negative.
However, mother looked fine a few days later, so either we caught her on a bad day - or - ( my suspicious mind from years of living with this dysfunctional family) my sister said something to upset mother. This is the pattern of a lifetime and normally what is said by sis puts me in a bad light and makes mother very upset at me. Sis was alone with mother in her bedroom before wheeling her out and mother looked unhappy and burst into tears when she saw me. This was such a contrast to the last time I saw mother. Oh well, we will never know.
Tired and a bit of a sore throat - no doubt from overdoing it by driving back and having two appointments the day after. I read a good explanation which is that with CFS/FM your immune cells get "tired" - run out of energy. Makes sense to me. Don't know how I am going to get the things done I need to do here, but but it will happen sooner or later.
Hope everyone is having a good weekend.
A hospital bed is also good as long as i can get three pillows. if I have to lie flat for a procedure i ask for a small rolled up towel and have the nurse just slip it under may neck which immediately relieves the pain.
Book try the hospital bed but you may need to buy a better quality mattress and not a waterproof one.
book - the one you have is a little lower.
I would use an extra pillow on top to get my neck right - normally don't have problems with it. Over the years with sinus infections often I have had to sleep with my head elevated due to the congestion. If I pile enough pillows, that works, but they slide around.
Think I will order the one dori has, Hopefully soon I can toss the extras. I don't think the thrift shop takes pillows. My sinuses are better in the daytime too, if I sleep with my head elevated.
Thankfully, I rarely have the acid reflux problem.
There is one by the same maker as mine with contouring, which is advertised "for side sleepers." I thought about getting it, but I couldn't make sense of how the contouring would be better, or even work for me. Certainly the pic of the woman sleeping on it looks nothing like the way I sleep! I wonder if it might prevent the "sliding" issue, though?
https://www.amazon.ca/Avana-Contoured-Support-Pillow-Sleepers/dp/B016AW39JU/
bookluvr - I just checked and golden's right - here is the inflatable one on the Canadian Amazon site:
https://www.amazon.ca/ObboMed-Inflatable-Portable-Horizontal-Indention/dp/B0761MKNHX/
book - amazon ca has an inflatable pillow.
www.amazon.com/InteVision-Folding-Wedge-Pillow-Carrying/dp/B00EN6KKZW/ref=sr_1_31_a_it?ie=UTF8&qid=1527325184&sr=8-31&keywords=wedge+pillow+for+acid+reflux
www.amazon.ca/gp/product/B011WDHAMY/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o07_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1
......20 cm size (just shy of 8" at the top).
I guess I do slide down sometimes! But not often. I also use a flat pillow with it, but I find I kind of sleep on the edge of that one. And I sleep hugging a big fat pillow with both arms - which I've done for years, so I don't know if that makes the difference. I did get a little back or rib pain at first but it's tapered off. (I think it does help to change the side I sleep on occasionally.....plus it honestly seemed minor compared to the neck and shoulder stuff I had going on.)
On the balance, I know I'm getting better sleep and having a better life....because I don't wake up as often at night to change my position, and I don't wake up with a brutal headache from ungodly neck and shoulder pain every 4 or 5 days. I'm way less stuffed up, too, which has always been a problem, given there's usually a cat or two in my face when I wake up!
That said, I've only had it for a month! I remember speaking in rapturous tones over my $200 contour pillow, but that comfort eventually fizzled out like your neck pillow comfort did, book!
I use that $200 pillow as window dressing now, BTW, since it's stiff enough to stand up on its own and block the morning light from hitting my face (because I'm too lazy to take the plants off the sill and pull the blinds all the way down every night)! Lol!
Edit: oh, the other thing the wedge is really brilliant for is lying on your back reading in bed!!
Because it was flatter than the other wedges I bought, I had to use a pillow on top of the wedge pillow in order to keep me elevated enough to prevent acid reflux.
It was perfect - except I kept sliding down every night. When I woke up, I was practically at the bottom of the wedge. And my head would tilt uncomfortably, that I woke up with stiff neck and severe neck pain that lead to migraines. I remembered using the traveling U-shape neck pillow to hold my head in place. That only lasted a few months. It wasn't an ideal solution. I finally found the perfect pillow from China (via Ebay) with microbeads. I can now squish the pillow to hold the side of my head in place, and squish some more to add more bulk just under my neck to support it.
I was talking to someone about what I went through to get used to a wedge pillow. She asked me how I prevented the sliding down part because she's having that problem. Ohhhh... I used to have just one pillow right below my knees but I would wake up with my butt on top of the pillow. Back ache from unnatural sleeping position. I have to use 2 pillows to keep me on the wedge - one pillow is flat, and the 2nd pillow is a bit fuller.... Not ideal because I do still slide down a bit but at least I'm not at the bottom of the wedge.
glad - oh goodness, how cute! (Also did you get your rabies vax? Lol!)
Turns out I bought some vodka iced tea coolers to "celebrate" the last long weekend (consolation for being stuck inside). It was right before I got sick, so I forgot all about it! I just spotted it again when home support was making mom's Ensure milkshake.
Mmmm. Boozy peach tea.
Boozy peach tea and James Comey's new book. Or should I maybe take in the Joni Mitchell bio with the booze? Well, either way, I'm all set for a belated Victoria Day weekend.
amarie - it is overwhelming. I too have thought about walking away and leaving everything up to my sis but could not do it. Get all the help you can!!! Good advice from book
Money does seem to be a big motivatior for non caregiving relatives.
Duck I am sure you need a break. So glad you will have a good one visiting your son. Getting away by myself a bit was so good for me. The condo didn't work out but something will.
book -great advice from a pro!!!
Whacked from the trip, but should be on the way up tomorrow.
Yesterday there was an out of control forest fire not that far away, and the smoke was awful. Then today the city was working on the gravelled area across from the house which they made into a temp parking lot, and now are removing the gravel. Between the two, I coughed my boots up this morning The fire has been brought under control and the sky is clearing. Hopefully most of the gravel moving is done.
I will be keeping my gas tank full while the fire hazard is this high and maybe keep a bag partly packed.
R had to go right back will return from the south once he has looked after livestock issues there and then will continue with house repairs. Once I get some energy. I have a sort of plan for tackling what I have to do. It seems more and more doable as time goes on and my urge to move increases.
I need some pillows from the hotel we stay in. I get congested with allergies and tend to snore sometimes, but if I prop myself up with these big fluffy pillows, less congestion and no snoring and a better night's sleep. I have been trying a combination of all the pillows in the house, but they aren't as comfy as the big hotel ones. Maybe a wedge pillow would be best.
Take care all - do something good for you
PS: I Loved the Scholastic Book Club delivery day too! Sure wish I'd have kept all those books for my Grandies! Funny, they still have the Club though, and my 3rd grade Grandson is always asking me if I'll buy him books. It's so fun to sit down with him and the new catalog to pick out books, but boys do go for the cars, the scary and still the Dinosaur ones. Oh, to be a kid again!
Duck - "Caregiving is not for punks"....that gave me a chuckle!
bettina - Sadly I cannot claim credit for "douchecanoe." I think I got it The Bloggess (one of the funniest blogs you'll ever read).
smeshque - Part of why I'm looking forward to telling cousin that bro and I have POA is I'm hoping he'll try his game on bro. He'll find dealing with me was enjoyable by comparison! Lol.
Well, I didn't get Bruce a toy or treats - I went looking for travel water bowls and wound up buying a carry sling! That little poop has gotten WAY too heavy to carry! We spent a couple of hours in the park, and yes, he did see both a marmot AND several ducks. He seemed to have a pretty good time just sniffing and watching things, and....there's just something about a cat on a leash that makes people giggle when they see it. If I could train him to actually WALK on the leash, I bet I'd have 50 new friends a day. It was really nice to just lay in the grass by the water and chill for a couple of hours, too. Except for the mosquitoes. The river is super high right now, and I killed 10 (I counted) skeeters in the process of trying to eat me.
I ordered some books that arrived in the mail today, too, so that was a nice bonus. Turns out I love getting new books that way. Reminds me of the Scholastic Reader's Club in school....mom would always let me order three at a time from the catalogue, and only three (we were on a budget). It was soooo exciting when the big box arrived in the classroom; I'd be practically bouncing in my seat waiting for them to be distributed! (Yeah, I'm a nerd.)
I wound up talking with a health unit nurse last night (apparently they work in the evening too - she called me). I said that I haven't had a real day off since last June, and thought I could use some real respite, like maybe a week, which we'd have to pay for (mom can afford it). So she's going to look into finding a bed at Ponderosa Lodge - a short-term care facility run by the regional health authority. I think I can convince mom to accept this if it were planned, especially if she knows it's a short-term facility only (knowing that I'm not putting her in a home!), and if I could take her and show her around the place. It's right next door to the hospital where mom does dialysis. And it's actually pretty nice - all the rooms are private (important!), and there are private lounge rooms, nice gardens, sun rooms, and even spa rooms! My dad's mom stayed there while waiting for a long-term bed.
I don't even know yet what I'd do with an entire WEEK!