Follow
Share
Read More
Hubs leaves Saturday to California to visit and bring back his grandmother’s dining table. I’m looking forward to some alone time in the house.

Dd started work today. Lol!...she said, “ now I know why you are so tired when you get off work”! Her legs hurt and her fitbit said she had 71 minutes of exercise! Haha, I work with her on Thursday.
(6)
Report

Yes mountainmoose, PTSD along with exhaustion. Barbs suggestion is right on. Take your days slow, sleep when you need to sleep. Vitamin and mineral supplements along with a nutritional diet. See the dr ASAP. (((Hugs)))!
(5)
Report

Thank you, Barb. Doc appointment for next week. I so hear you about our cyber family. You all got me through (and am going through).
(3)
Report

Moose, I don't even have a dysfunctional family, but I will tell you that I would not be standing today if it weren't for the amazing people on this board.

My kids, my husband and the rest of my family all think it's a little weird that I talk about this cyber family all the time. I don't care. This is my "ground".
(11)
Report

Thank you, Barb! You good folks have been my sanity (such as it is) lifeline. I am making a doc's appointment, and I will talk with him about it! Thank you again.
(4)
Report

Moose, lots of ex caregivers have PTSD, IMO.

Can you get yourself to the doctor this week? You need a thorough physical and a frank talk with her/him about what you've just lived through.

A war zone, for sure. With sisters like that, who needs enemy fire?
(5)
Report

Mom passed on Easter, April 1. Many of you know the horror my narcissistic sisters made my life often starting with the notice "We have something to discuss" and they'd blindside me with ridiculous accusations, even accusing me of mismanaging Mom's money and elder abuse two days after Mom's death because Mom's lawyer had questions about Mom's checking account. After 14 months of sleep deprivation, exhaustion, torturous behavior of my three sisters towards me, sorting and packing Mom's house, helping with Mom's estate, and packing up myself with a large UHaul trailer, having to trade in my car for a 4-wheel-drive with a tow package, I'm home!

The exhaustion is so bad I can hardly walk, even though I've been here since Saturday. My ex (the divorce papers of our 20-year marriage I received the first week at Mom's) helped me unload the trailer Sunday. The slightest movement makes my legs wobbly and I'm so clumsy I'm constantly knocking things over or dropping things.

Today, my ex called asking to stop by because "we have some things to discuss." Suddenly, I felt like throwing up. My heart raced and I could hardly walk. He only needed to talk about the property taxes and our local volunteer fire department. While he was talking I started weeping and shaking. He finally finished, and I just burst into tears, hyperventilated, and I had to sit down.

Took me a long time to get a hold of myself. Bawling, I kept saying I was sorry. Finally I got it out how his comment set off my reaction because of Sisters' behavior. He felt so bad yet he was angry they had driven me to this point. He knew how badly they had treated me when all I had done was take care of Mom's money for years (he was right there while I started her finances five years ago) and he was my sounding board when things turned bad.

All I can think of is "this must be what PTSD feels like." I knew I was in bad shape but this scares me.
(5)
Report

Im dealing with a sister who is 2 and half years younger than me who is a story telling convincing little lier and thinks she is always right about every thing and anyone in her life.She is jealous of me always has been, talks behind my back some what nice to my face.She believes her own fabracatied lies its almost to watch her mouth move as she talking, you just to agree to disagree and walk away.The problem is our father just passed on march 6,2018 and lived with my dad and stepmom and constantly put me down made up bullcrap stories just to me her look better .Both lissoned to her because they are older and like gossip.To make this sister rival a little shorter im not talking to my stepmom or sister because they both are evil two faced lonely people who deserve each other and i cant keep up with their drama and wont.
(0)
Report

This just adds the challenging dynamics of being a caregiver. Many caregivers of elderly parents are 'caregivers' in their own families for other dysfunctional issues. Adding to their challenges. They are real warriors.
(3)
Report

Thanks for the thread. YES. Credit is in heaven and never going to be found on earth here from any member of dysfunctional family so don't go looking for it. Wasting your absolutely precious time with your parent, child, or loved one who is gravely ill. Steer clear of all discussion of money, except in the 1940's theatrical Cabaret, I rarely hear people sing songs about MONEY making the world go round! You recall this was during the Nazi's invasion of Europe.
Back to topic. Counseling is necessary. Mediation when discussing money and other legal aspects. The more secrets, the worse mess. So don't even discuss with one member of the dysfunctional family, or you might as well tell it on Social Media!!!!
Lastly, today, let us pray for all those who are care giver's and are tired. We all know what we go through. When I ask for help, or someone says, "what about your SIDE of the family" I know it's time to close my door and meditate or listen to music.
I need to create a spiritual environment of hope for my loved one, and myself.

As far as the family goes, we are basically tied to the top of the car as in the old days with the luggage. What they don't know is if we fall off...so does the entire structure which we help to set in place. YOU ARE IMPORTANT! ONLY YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS!

God bless each and all.
(3)
Report

Sharyn and MsMadge - I'm a feminist and you don't have to shave anything you don't want to. ;-)

I have a really nice rechargeable wet/dry shaver. It's great because the hairs aren't all sharp and prickly when the stubble comes in.  But I just can't master the full de-forestation at the end of winter with it.
(2)
Report

Great news Becky!

Dori, you mean I have to shave my winter growth. I have enjoyed the added warmth it provides, lol! Idaho can’t decide if it’s spring or late fall.
(4)
Report

Becky,
Fabulous news - plan a celebration
(1)
Report

Suddenly, I don't feel shame for only shaving my legs on as needed basis :)
I even use that gel that is made from soy and claims to slow down regrowth, LOL
(3)
Report

Yeaaah Becky! Knew you could do it! (I think God had something to do with moving the nutty lady....)
(3)
Report

"When I have a brand new hair-do
With my eyelashes all in curl
I float as the clouds on air do
I enjoy being a girl...."

All together now!
(3)
Report

Oh Dori, I forgot it was time for leg shaving :(
(4)
Report

Dorianne; I love you!
(4)
Report

Becky, what great news on all fronts!! What relief you must be feeling!

It's 21 C (just about 70 F) here, which is cooler than last week - but supposed to be getting warmer tomorrow. I went and bought myself some new shorts and t-shirts today while mom is at dialysis. One of my friends is going to trim and thin out my hair when mom's at dialysis on Wednesday (it's VERY thick - like, I need BFF's help just to get it all under the dumb swim cap). Dang, this menopause thing is killing me.

On a positive note, I just shaved the winter growth off my legs and, possibly for the first time in my life, didn't incur any blood loss.
(8)
Report

Becky! High five!!!!!!!
(1)
Report

alwayshope - sorry to hear about your predicament. I am not sure that a TIA necessarily determines what will take you especially if you are being treated for the cause(s). Your husband is ill for sure, but we know that course of dementia can last a while. What stage is he in? Finding caregivers for home care is not easy and is very expensive. This must be stressful for you. I hope you can consider placement on a facility at some point if it gets too much for you. You need to protect your own health.

becky - not altogether surprised that you are not liable, but glad it has been established. Good news about the nutty lady.

Sunshiny today, if not very warm, but soooo much better than it was!!!!
(4)
Report

Becky, that's great news!
(1)
Report

Becky that's fantastic news!!! Very glad to hear about all that; take a big breathe now!
(0)
Report

Good news! Attorney stepson talked to the bank with car loan, faxed them a copy of my signature and two forms of photo ID. They agreed with him and said I was not responsible for the loan. He also called the county clerk. Both of wage garnishment so have been approved and will come out of their pay checks starting the first pay period in May. My other good news is that nutty lady was moved to a criminal psychiatric unit in another state. And my lawsuit against her and family trust was allowed to move forward (the family's attorney had argued against the trust being sued). It's been a good day - and the snow has melted some!!!!!!!!!!
(12)
Report

Oh Becky. (((((hugs))))) I wonder if he called the house trying to feel out whether or not you knew about the car loan yet.....?
(1)
Report

Oh yeah, I meant to report that things seem to be getting back to normal with mom again. Apart from Wednesday, when she was stubbornly and defiantly refusing a shower, and I had to play good cop/bad cop with the home support worker. (Guess who was bad cop.) Honestly, though, she hadn't showered in 3 weeks. Before that it was over a month. She was really stinky. But she did finally agree, and then bounced right back to normal again afterwards.
(2)
Report

Dori, yep that's him. He's a pain in the ----.
(2)
Report

Hey all - popping in to say hi. Haven't been on the computer very much. The weather turned HOT almost overnight, and is conspiring with menopause to make me miserable, plus affecting my injury, or at least, my patience for coping with it!

Becky - I just read back in the thread about what happened. How awful!! I'm so sorry that's happening to you. I definitely think whatever bonehead at the bank authorized a loan that huge without doing a credit check should be the one who has to pay it back! Is that the same nephew who phoned your house the other week, by any chance?
(3)
Report

I paid off debts on my own. I wanted it over. I am not paying this car thing. The car loan was made after I had notified credit bureaus and locked my account, so I think the bank is at fault for not checking things out thoroughly. I have LifeLock - kind of like closing the barn door after the horse is out. I think for too long I've been too nice, too forgiving and too stupid. I hope I've wished up.

On a brighter note - I did receive child support checks from both my great-niece and her ex-husband for their little girls. I also received a payment on restitution from my niece. At least she seems intent on doing the right thing and getting her life on track.

I think sometimes that I have an aura of either "victim" or "stupid" around me - maybe both.
(0)
Report

Also, the law says no collection calls at your work or at night; look it up on the net; at least you wouldn't have that this time....
(3)
Report

Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter