The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

Golden, thanks. Ignoring is best I agree.
Becky, heal quickly. You have a lot going on with teeth, Pam and the center. It is great you there for Pam.
Ali, sorry you dealing with such pain. I had a pain one night at work a few years ago that radiated from my left ear down under my tongue and in my throat. I attributed it to TMJ. So far it has not happened again. It started suddenly and stopped suddenly.

Went out with dd today. She upgraded her cell phone. She pays her portion of the bill ( she is on our plan. Hubs has complained about it since I added her, insisting dd was not paying. I have asked her 2 time over the last 2 years. Hubs asked her once. After I got back home I mentioned to hubs that dd upgraded her phone. It set him off again. I told him let’s go to the cell provider and talk with them (I was tired of the subject). To my surprise, there is no record of dd paying. S has has it set up to pay automatically each month. Dd got scammed by a fake website.  

Becky, good luck with healing. Glad that's over for you.

Golden, happy that your eyes seem to be improving. I understand about electronics dying due to extreme cold, but I've only experienced it once recently a couple years ago and it was darn near the worst night of my life when my car electronic window became stuck in down position when I was an hour away from home, middle of the night, -10º and who knows what windchill was, phone wouldn't charge because car charger wouldn't work and I had no GPS to navigate. So when you mention that your electronics are kaput due to cold, I think that is............ MISERABLY COLD. lol Bundle up and stay warm.

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Yesterday during the day and after leaving work around 6-7pm, my head, jaw, and throat on right side of my head throbbed and hurt viciously. It was relentless. I've been using a sock of warmed rice as a heating pad on my face for a week now, and it does help a lot. But why SOOOO bad?? It was horrible. I don't know why so bad. Does the stress come first and then the pain? I know I'm not sleeping well, but I still sleep more than most people, but I do wonder if the stress AND the pain are due to bad sleep, so then I'm not recuperating well when I sleep. I'm not sure where to start chasing this problem that severely messes with my quality of life. I don't have to figure it out TODAY, it's enough to start a new job and get in the flow of things there (going well enough, btw), but it's demoralizing and just incredibly uncomfortable at times. I get up in the morning with no sign that I'm going to be miserable that day (unless I wake up with the head/jaw ache, which has happened, and oh my word that is awful).  It feels unstable, it scares me and just makes anxiety all that much worse because I could swear I must have a brain tumor when the pressure on my eye feels so bad that my vision is messed up ! geesh ! And of course I don't think I have a brain tumor because this is a chronic condition for me. But when it's acting up, it's just overwhelming the pain. "Migraines" have been brought up before, but if that's what they are, they don't mirror anyone else's migraines that I know of. I hope things calm down and I'm looking forward to trying some new approaches with new doctor. I see her again this Friday.

Onwards and upwards. I feel better today, thank goodness, but... even 1 day a week like yesterday is too much. It's too painful, it's too demoralizing. I can't tell what is happening more often, or what is the first/root symptom or cause, because they all go together -- anxiety attack symptoms and the headache/TMJ symptoms and bad sleep.   Then I had nightmares last night even though I took a Valium before I went to bed.   What the heck.  The nightmares reminded me of the recent issues with adrenaline surges, due to cortisol rising during the day.  

I think I'm describing a stress disorder.  It's not news to me that I have a stress disorder, it's just strange how it acts up differently on different days/nights.  

Wah. :-/ I think I'll continue to shake things out and get improvement on everything, it just can't come fast enough for me. -_-

Golden, I had the new 4 on 1 implants. Much easier. They can actually extract all teeth, place the anchoring which has 4 little caps, snap on the whole sections of teeth, sew shut and done. I opted to do extractions ahead, except for front teeth separately. A little soreness, but that's it. I would recommend for anyone except for cost. Our dental insurance paid about 65% or I wouldn't have been able to afford.

sharyn - ignoring those kind of people helps. If possible avoiding them is even better.

duck - psalm 37 is a very good one for your situation. I have read it a lot at times.

guest - that is shocking and very sad. I can't imagine what your coworker is going through. You do so well at keeping boundaries and I know that came from necessity.

becky - I am glad you are through that part of the implant procedure without much trouble. I have only had three implants - 2 at one time and one at another time. I didn't have much pain at all. I expect you will be happy with the results. It is such a relief to get it done I am sure. Cataracts are nothing compared to implants. What a lot going on with that, and with Pam, and arranging care for her. Sounds like she is doing as well as can be expected. (((((hugs)))) to you all for being there for her. So lovely that she can visit with Holly. Sad about your great uncle. I hope you are taking it easy for a few days to help with healing.

glad - I am staying inside and warm. I went out yesterday and when I was out of the car wanted to use my cell phone and it died in the spot. Shocked by the cold, no doubt. Both car remotes have died too. Ming is so fortunate that you adopted her. I would love a Siamese too.

east - I agree with the others. Just let it be. Your mother is getting some help. You are getting stories from both your bro and your mother. You don't know what is true, but they have to work it out. Go and help when he will inherit the house??? I don't think so. I am not as optimistic as cm, and think he wants free labour. I don't think there is anything to see a lawyer about.

That 1918 flu was dreadful. My father's dad died due to it. They said you could hear him coughing down the block. I didn't get the flu shot this year, and looks like I didn't miss much. Dd got sick after she got it, as did R, though not as badly as she did. I did get the flu, but it was not the worse I have had, and I have my own immunity to that bug now.

Slept through the night last night, which is rare and wonderful. Don't know if it is due to the increased resveratrol, or the decreased Luvox, or both. Sleepy today, but other than that and a touchy gut, things are good. I started a new protein shake and will stop that for a few days to check out if that is affecting my gut. We are in another major arctic freeze, but only for a few days thankfully. As R says, at least we don't have to worry about mudslides.

Looks like the ghost images are less than they were. Yay!!! Answers to prayer.

I've read the posts about the flu. My great-uncle was 20 years old when left college in WV to join the Army in WWI. He was the oldest of 8 children. He grew up on a family farm in WV and wanted to be a doctor. In college he had a background in lab science. In the Army he was a lab assistant at a base in Texas. He wrote home to his sisters every week. In 1918 the family got a telegram that he was seriously ill. Two of his younger brothers took the train to San Antonio, TX to check on him. When they got there, he had already died from the flu. The Army wouldn't allow his body to be returned to WV because of contagion. His brothers brought back his personal effects in his small Army trunk. In 1938 his mother had his body returned to WV for burial. I have his trunk with his wire rim glasses. I also have letters he wrote to his mother and sisters. Really sad. I always get my flu shot.

East, your poor brother does have a pretty thankless job on his hands, I sometimes think.

Last things first: his invitation to you to come and participate in the clearing process. Uncharitable interpretation: he was being sarcastic. Charitable interpretation: he thinks there might be bits and pieces there you could use or would like to have, and he's happy for you to see what he's up to - all above board. Could be a little bit of both, of course...

Your mother has (had, anyway) $120,000 in savings. Her current monthly overspend is $100. All things being equal, she will run out of money in 1,200 months = 100 years.

But your brother has correctly warned that things never do remain equal. One, she has got a bit cavalier about her savings account. Two, he is narrowing his eyes and growling softly at certain relatives who suddenly seem to be visiting a lot more. Three, with inevitable increasing frailty, her medical and care costs are very likely to rise.

Actually, he has mainly handled this well and been responded to well. The young man did hand the cheque back graciously, and did tell his grandmother what was current standard practice for *wedding* gifts - it's just a pity that your mother misconstrued what he was saying and took offence. I'm sure if Brother were to have a discreet word with the female cousins they would also be more circumspect about accepting gifts and treats from your mother. It doesn't look to me as if your family is infested with vipers, just as if your brother is concerned to make sure your mother doesn't start throwing piles of bills into the air and is sending out warning messages.

Your mother doesn't like being told what to do with her money, doesn't like being patronised by young people, doesn't like people sticking their noses into her business. Who does? So she is in a grump about it and I don't blame her. But there is nothing untoward going on.

So what should you do about it? Ab-so-lute-ly nothing. Except pop along and take a supportive interest in the clearing and building work, if you've a mind to.

East, it sounds like your brother is worried about Medicaid and the five year lookback. That would explain the concerns about giving other people money without receipts to cover it. Your mother's savings could easily disappear with home care if she pays privately or in a nursing home. If he is doing house repairs, that could use up money quickly as well if he is using her funds to do it. Your mother plays you against your brother - I would just stay out of the money issue and realize that whatever you do will be wrong. People pick a person to trust, and that is who you have to leave responsible.

EastEagle, to summarize - mom's income doesn't cover her expenses, so POA brother is telling her to watch her spending. Mom is po'ed about being told what to do with her own money, but isn't your brother just being a responsible POA?
And it sounds like he is - slowly and reluctantly - working on the house, even spending $$ on it. Why do you feel you need a lawyer?

Hi again, hope this makes some sense, I was typing so fast, and sorry for such a long story, and all of the spelling errors.

Hi All, I need some advice, not sure what to do yet. I was on the phone with my Mother, for 4 hours on Sunday, and around 4 hours yesterday. Talking about her dysfunctional, difficult relationship with my Brother. I was also texting him too, and he only gave me a few answers to my questions and suggestions. I am wondering if I should consult with an Elder Law Attorney, which I would have to pay for, and I am not even the one who is directly involved with their problems. My Brother has POA and my Mother had his name added to her Checking and Savings Account. She had been told that the person who was living the closest to her should be appointed POA. That would be my Brother. He is the relative who lives nearby, but he is not the one who cares the most about her, and has her emotional and physical well-being as the top-priority. So, my Brother gets a copy of the joint bank account statements, and he can see where all of my Mother's money is being spent. She gets $1,200.00 per month of Social Security, and her monthly bills add up to around $1,300.00 or more. This includes all the house hold bills, her food, and her eye meds. She was getting the difference from her renter, who finally moved out, because he could no longer pay his rent. But that is another long story. So, he has moved out, and when he had steady work, he could pay his rent which was $700.00 per month. My Mother had a pretty good sum saved up in her Savings account, which she had not planned to touch, since she wanted to leave it to my and my Brother, to be divided up. It was around $120,000.00. So, then along came our 2nd Cousin who is in her early 60's, and her Mother had died in 2011. She is now helping my Mother out, as I mentioned before, grocery shopping, driving her to the bank, and picking up he meds, and taking her to Doc. appointments, all because she likes my Mother, and she had lived nearby. Her Mother and my Mother were first Cousins, and her Mother lived to be 94 years old. My Mother is now 93, and her Mother - my Grandmother - lived to be 96 years old. So there is longevity in the Family, BUT, with living that long comes all of the medical problems. My Mother gives our Cousin some money for taking her out. So now, my Brother is trying to control what my Mother does with her money, and he even told her not to send her 2 Great Nieces any money for Xmas. My Mother also gave her younger Grandson, who is going to get married this summer, a Xmas Gift of $500.00. My Brother saw him open his Xmas Card, and when he saw how much my Mother was giving, he told his son (my Mother's Grandson) not to accept the check. My Mother was now aware of this. Yesterday, she found the check in her dresser drawer where she keeps her bottles of eye drops. She could not believe her eyes. She told me that after she gave the check to her Grandson on Christmas, later that day, he did give her a little lecture that she needs to keep her money for herself and that she gave him too much. He said that giving around $200.00 "was the Norm". My Mother was furious, because she said it all depends on the person who is giving the money. If they want to give $25.00 then that is the "Norm" for that person. So my Brother has been telling her to keep our Cousin away, and not to call her for any help. The good news, is that my Mother is going to try out some help from the Elder Care agency tomorrow, they will come for 2 hours. The whole situation is a mess. I told my brother to sit down and have a real conversation with my Mother and discuss plans for the house. My Mother says that she can't do that, because he is so impossible to talk to, and he does not listen to her at all. She is planning to go to the bank, and wants to take his name off of the accounts. Sometimes, I can't really tell who is telling me the Truth, and who is telling me "Stories". Back in the summer, my Mother told me a crazy story about what happened to her window air conditioner. It did not make any sense. My Brother also makes up many false stories. He told me that my Mother is paying our Cousins rent with her savings, which I found out is not true. He is tries to turn me against the people who help my Mother. So, I don't know who to believe.
My Mother is now dipping into her savings and it is dwindling down, since she does have the renter. My Brother was supposed to fix up the 2 empty apartments and get them rented out. He has had 8 years since our Father died, and he has done very little. I told him that I want no part of the house. It will be a great burden to me. He will want to be the boss, and will want to make all of the decisions about the house, and he will never listen to my ideas. So, I told him that he can have the house all to himself. However, yesterday he texted me and said why don't you come over on Saturday and help me work on the house. He claims that he spent $3,000 on renting big dumpsters, and my Mother said he did have them in the driveway, several times. He and his younger son have cleaned out a lot of old junk from the basement and the garage. I told him that I can't help him with that king of heavy lifting. I can't believe he would ask me to do that. I reminded him that our Mother has always told my that "it is up to your Brother on what to do with the house." I told him that I was really hurt by what she said. So, my question is: should I ask an Elder Law Attorney for advice on how to help my Mother with the money situation, or should I just leave her to deal with it herself. Sometimes she seems so helpless, but then when I make suggestions, she just does not listen to me. Thanks All.

Glad, I'm envious of you for having Ming. I would love to have a Siamese cat. However, I can't think it would be a good thing given the little dogs PJ and the boys have - two Maltese and a tiny toy Beagle.

I had a little pain from my teeth during the night. Happy that it's over and done. Have to go back for check up next week and they will clip all the little stitches. I decided I looked like a cat fish with the little black strings. I'm on liquids for a week and then soft diet for a week. Then every six month gum check and cleaning. It's been a long and expensive process, but one that was seriously needed.

Pam is holding her own. She is losing a little weight. Breathing difficulties, fatigue and pain. She is still able to go to the bathroom by herself, shower with help from the nurse. She is frustrated by being so tired all the time. She has always been very active - hiking and gardening. Definitely not able to do those things. I drop in two or three times a day. Jay is there every day. PJ goes periodically - mostly if she asks for him. Our DIL stops by with her baby. Holly is Pam's favorite visitor. She enjoys holding her so much. Social worker, counselor and others from her apartment complex stop by too. She has so much grief from losing her husband last summer and her mother last year. That is difficult for her. She really likes her nurse. She is very personable, but professional. Tomorrow will be the first day of work for the other nurse. Hope she is just as good.

Everyone have a good day. I'm staying in today. PJ is doing my caregiver groups for me.

Yes, Ming is great and quite a beautiful cat! She was so sick and skinny when I got her and she has bounced back great. She is starting to look a bit pudgy, diet may be needed. Or maybe a job in food service would take care of her.😝

Wow, Guest. And then I do recall the 1918 flu epidemic and while I forget all the details, I know a lot of people died.

...

Tough day. Things started off ok and due to unexpected things coming up (and the new job, I'm sure is playing into it, of course, of course) I was having chest pains from anxiety by noon. Tough day but it's over and I'm home. It's my monthly cycle time now, too, and that sometimes makes me agitated. I did deep breathing at work today. It's been some time since I needed to do that but glad I have that tool at the ready anytime. :-)

Take care, guys. 'Night. 

Glad, just saw your post.  I can see myself getting a little weary of food, at least while on the job.  In high school, I worked in a coffee store selling 20-some kinds of coffee beans/grind and all the flavored beans (frangelico, amaretto, vanilla, irish cream, barf barf barf lol).  I was completely grossed out by the smell of sweet coffee by time I'd worked there a month.  Blech.   Ming sounds so cute and cuddly, I'm glad you have her.  

Ahh, guest you hear about people dying from the flu, but I have never heard an actual story. The flu shot is only 10% effective this year. California is really hit hard by it. Here so far, is worse than usual. News tonight said the height of flu season is in February. Stay healthy all and just become obsessed with washing hands. H3N2 this year if I remember the news correctly.

Ali, I have not worked in food service since high school. I lost so much weight just got sick of seeing and smelling food, that last thing I wanted to do was eat. Hope the job works well for you. Oh, and one of those food jobs was a candy store, ugh! But mom sure enjoyed their caramel corn!😉

Becky, part way done. I need to find a doc and dentist here.

Golden, hope you are doing ok and staying warm.

Sharyn, good to work with boundaries in place. Do those chips your way.

Been too lazy to type at night. But Ming and I have been reading.😽

Thanks to all. I’m sure that T is reeling from shock. His wife was unwell from flu but hated doctors. She was older than him, but he loved her dearly. I’ve offered any help I can. They have no kids.

Guest, that's terrible about your co-workers wife. I cannot imagine the poor man's grief.

Got my dental junk done. Went well. Dentist sees no problems. Sipping 7-Up; tomorrow I get Jello. Next on the horizon I'll have cataracts done.

CM, The flu vaccine here in Texas is only working in about 10% of cases to prevent. FIL is a narcissistic jerk who has 2 sons (one my husband) that alternate between "we must care for family" and "wife, what do you mean NO - you want ME to care for my family instead of you?". I feel badly for my co-worker, his wife fought him about going to doctor over the weekend. As on the Dorker thread, a part of problem is that my husband and his brother were primed for FIL to die early leaving MIL waif with money and have MIL need minimal care. As it stands now, MIL is in skilled nursing for her Parkinson's and catheter for UTI/incont and FIL with COPD/stroke survivor is staying at his house after putting MIL on Medicaid with impoverishment and refusing to pay for home health care. Of course, I'm the bad guy because I refused to go up and provide support for people that are "takers" that expect the daughters in law to provide care that MIL and FIL never provided for their own parents so MIL could stay at home without spending the inheritance FIL got from HIS mommy. Bitter me much? you bet. Boundaries are our friend. My current chant - dementia is broken brain. FIL and MIL can want what they want-broken brain can't be reasoned with. I can't possibly do that.

Blimey, Guest. That must have been quite a shock for the poor man.

We do rather live in a sort of Western medicine bubble where the underlying assumption is that only cancer or murder can kill you, don't we. I just wish we *could* say "that'll teach him!" - but as it is what a very sobering thing indeed to have happened.

Has FIL been vaccinated against pneumonia? If so he might have some protection against the worst effects even if this started out as a viral infection. But I can't quite see how you are worrying about *nothing*, exactly... Unless, nothing includes "what's a little pneumonia between friends and an elderly gentleman with COPD..???"

It will be a hard week at work but in a funny way a validating one. Last week my FIL and MIL admitted to my husband that FIL had spent the last 3 days in bed with lung issues and *might be* pneumonia. This is COPD patient on 24/7 O2...when I asked hubs if FIL was going to doctor, he said *oh, dad said he has regular appt on Thursday*. Me: This flu is nasty - does he need to be checked out? FIL is the POA for MIL, still no info on what has been done and she's on Medicaid in SNF. Husband: You're just worrying about nothing. What a pain you are being....
One of the guys I work with left early yesterday to check on his stay-at-home wife in her 50's who didn't answer phone. She has been sick in bed for 4 days with "the crud". When he got there, she was unconscious and he called EMT's. Long story short, she coded on way, and died of dehydration and PNEUMONIA.
Yep, I'm a worrywart and a pain...I have to remind myself that if it matters more to me than him, it's enabling...

I work with a woman who tries to micro manage everyone. She is not in a position of authority. It really angers the younger people. I was frying tortilla chips and placing the fried chips on a large cooking tray. She scrunched up her face watching me ( complete disapproval). She said, we use the big tub to put the cooked chips in, ive never seen it done this way! I replied, there is more than one way to skin a cat, and I continued doing it my way. She won’t argue about and I feel this sets a boundary without creating animosity between us. She does not completely realize how she sounds to others and when confronted, she can’t admit she disapproves if not done her way. The thing is, she is a nice person otherwise. I just work around her and ignore it.

The camera doesn't lie Duck, if they are hoping to gather evidence of your wrongdoing all they will see is the opposite of that, too bad you don't have access to what it captures. I would leave it alone.

Sharyn,
I like that! Duck, she is right......next time she does this to you, start laughing at her and ask, "Are you still up to your childish pranks?" Then walk away still laughing. That will burn her up far better than anything. You come out smelling like a rose and she gets to look the fool. What a perfect way to take away the joy she gets from upsetting you. Love it!

Duck, much of what your mother does is a result of dementia. However, your sister messing with the pictures is calculated thoughts. To help you ignore what she does, just think about all the energy she puts into these acts to rile you. Then laugh at her for all the energy she wastes trying to upset you. Rise above it. I know it is frustrating and hurtful and there will be times you want to scream. Pillows come in handy for that, lol! Maybe you could go to a gym to work out the frustration constructively. Hang in there!

Duck, Thanks for the kind words. Pam is so nice she makes it easy. And we have plenty of helpful support and my brother is good to help. He'll take out trash, loadbthe dishwasher etc.

Don't buy into your sisters nonsense. Don't give her the satisfaction.

Becky my heart is with you. I admire your strentgh and loyalty and love. Please dont forget to take care of yourself throughout this. May God bless and keep you all.

Sharyn you are so right. I knew I should not have fed into it. but seeing my pictures on the floor!! and then see she put up a proof of her son where my pictures were. I typed this letter. I have type a lot of them. I was going to put it on the fridge. Then I spoke with a friend, my son and the counselor via telepone.
After I spoke to my son I went and took letter down. He thing was dont feed into it I am giving her power just act like I didnt even see it and leave it in God's Hands. Then the counselor who has this strange :) trick of listening to me and then I end up making the best decision. It was like they dont care about howI feel, will they read the note. Then my Friend said basically they same. Its petty we are grown ass women acting like we are still kids.
Its true. I havent gotten over all the past stuff done that she literally got away with. She feels entitled.
So I am following the advice and act like it never happened instead of letting them know it hurt me.
Then I leave out this evening and there is a glue trap IN the refrigerator with a picture stuck on it. I didnt pay anyattention this morning. Then I noticed a camera for survelience. Im going to have fun with that. I just cant help it. two little things that need to be plugged in. You can imagine the things that have gone through my head. I am tempted to throw them in one of my mother's bags and stick it deep in one of the shopping carts. I would just like to see some justice for once. I guess i have to wait I hope I live to see it. I mean as a kid I would be laying in bed sleep and she would just come and pull the covers off me. After a few times I would scramble out of bed and get caught choking her when my parents run up stairs to see what the commotion was. She was never corrected, it was always my fault. I am so deeply frustrated, I see the petttiness. If my mother was lucid and I had pursued thiswith my sister she would have jumped in front of my sister on her side regardless of what my sister did. I felt better after prayer and reading the 37th psalm. I am sought of good now. But I know I am going to have to pray my self out of doing something wicked with those camera just because.

Good news I have just officially sent in my application for sliding scale payments and an income affidavit from job which was emailed. I finally had a light bulb moment and ask the guy to email it. I am still waiting for a bank card the second one I requsested. At one point I was well I wont say it.
More good news is that I think that bleed is reabsorbing as my mother is gettinh more active. Still confused but back to putting the shopping carts to the door. Meanness is coming back too. She was telling the dog to put his shoes on before she hit him with can. She is taking every thing out the freezer putting it in the covection oven or in the fridge. I sure hope her nasty does not come back. So far I get to give her a kisss and get a cheep one back. And we can still laugh.

I also appreciate feedback I got in a msg. Its just that there is sabatoge in my sisters spireit with me. I am waiting for stove knob covers, I hope they work so we can have a decent meal.

Golden, I feel for you with the withdrawal symptoms. They had me sedated when I was on a respiratory about a week. That is a horrible feeling then I learned what panic attacks were.
Golden hang in there, you are so resilient, and I so admire your courage and strength probably as I write this you are feeling much better. I hope so.

Ali, girl!! I am pushing for you always I also admire your strentgth and independence and resilience. Horray about the job. Keep on pushing.

We hired a second nurse today for the other three days. Today worked out well with the first nurse. Pam said she was attentive and very helpful, but not hovering or intrusive. Jay visited earlier and he thought she was nice. Hospice supervisor and hospice nurse who is located in the apt. complex came today. They went over their services, what they provided, what we needed to do. Right now the nurse will come for two to three hours in the mornings on Tuesday and Friday. End stage a nurse can drop in to help out or check on things more frequently. Right now they do not have a large caseload in the building. Pam will still have respiratory therapist twice a day for breathing treatments. Respiratory therapist will speak to doctor if she feels Pam needs to go on oxygen. Pam had an okay day except very fatigued from all of the visitor's. I had fixed crockpot chicken and dumplings for the family and brought Pam and Jay some for dinner along with mashed potatoes. Pam had some of both. She's decided "white" food like potatoes and oatmeal seem to agree with her best. Pam is so agreeable. I don't think in her situation I could be that nice. She says she thinks if her husband had not died last summer or if she had grandchildren she might be more angry about being ill. Our DIL had stopped in this afternoon with the baby to visit. Pam was thrilled with that. She loves to hold Holly and play with her.

We're having our January thaw - but it will be short-lived. Back down below zero and snow on Thursday. Will it ever be spring?

duck -I am sorry about the pictures. It is another put down. My mother was selective about which pictures she had on display and they did not represent the reality of our family. I let it be. Not worth the hassle. They aren't going to change. I sure identify with "lonely girl" too. I was lonely a lot of my early life. Now I love being alone

ali - I remember when, as instructors, we went back to teach after the summer off and we all were beat the first week. It does take some getting used to. Hope your tummy settles down.

becky - hope the interviews went well. I agree about the photos. Your choice to go to the funeral or not. Frankly it is none of their business. I would not go if I were in your shoes.

book - thx for hugs. I am not going cold turkey, just halving my small dose, and feeling just fine today. Yay!!!

sharyn thx - doing very well today and hope it continues. Crafting is fun!

rainey (((((((hugs))))))) I hear you. Yes, mentally divorce them, and do it actually after your mother passes. I have had to do that with sis and several cousins. I am so sorry that your aunt let you down too. I know the feeling of wanting to run and pitting on the suit of  armour.  I visualized a brick wall between me and them,  and also a castle with a moat, and a drawbridge that I could raise up to prevent anyone getting in. The moat had alligators in it.

Margeaux - waiting to hear more from you. How is your mum?

Day 2 of my chemical mind adventure. I am feeling good. I did some research on FM supplements and have upped my dose of one and added a couple of teaspoons of EVOO until the rice bran oil I ordered gets here. Why rice bran oil I could not find out, but it can't hurt. I think the idea is that this supplement gets "delivered" to where it needs to go better if taken with oil.

Bad news about turmeric - its bioavailability is so low it is not worth taking. News about calcium and Vit D - a recent study confirms that taking them is not associated with any reduction in bone fractures. That one is going to my dr. It doesn't surprise me. Exercise is probably more effective in keeping bones healthy. I will take Vit D and some calcium, as I don't eat dairy, but not the dose he gave me if there is no proof it does any good. The good news is I got the top off my bottle of thyroid meds with my trusty pliers. 👍

Darn cold here again, and windchill making it feel like the minus 30s. ❄ 😰❄ I have to go out tomorrow, and I think I will cab it. The city did a great job clearing my driveway. Taxes are going to some use.

Have a good evening everyone

Hey Veronica,
Think you got me confused with someone else, 😉 I never see my nephews and never had any issues with them, just my immediate family for the most part and their co-dependent, in denial wives.
My only other contact was one of Mom's sisters because she is the only one who has her wits about her and still working as a nurse in a SNF. Mom's other sister, there is a long, on going rivalry there (between Mom and she) and now she has dementia too.
Dysfunction everywhere.

Rainey try not to tangle with nephew, he has more time to torment you than you do to respond. getting upset simply plays into his hands, he feels he has won. When the opportunity presents itself move in but for now bide your time. There will come a time when he desperately needs something from you and then it will be your choice.

Becky I totally support your decision. If they want you to go so badly invite them to pay your expenses.