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Pam is back in the hospital this evening. I went over this evening to check on her. She was having severe coughing and started coughing up a lot of blood. I called the ambulance and here we are. So far they haven't gotten it stopped. Her oncologist says that her lung cancer is advancing to another level. I'm a mess and Pam is calm.
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Sunshine - Good answers above from Sharyn, Ali and Barb.
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Sunshine, if your mother has been like this her entire life, she isn’t going to change. If it is something relatively new, she may be depressed. Being an only child, your mom has probably focused on you for her source of...well, everything. Detaching is best especially if her health is good and she is able to take care of herself. You can read about detaching by googling detaching with love.
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Sunshine, your mom sounds depressed. Is that being treated?
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Thanks, Stacey. You're right - something more steady is a good step. I'm nervous and excited.  

Sunshine, if your mother insists on being unhappy, there may not be anything you can do about it. Your mom sounds like she wants to gripe about things, no matter what it is. How can you please her? You might be better to please yourself and realize that you can't fix her life for her... as  much as you'd like to.

We talk about detachment a bit here on DYS thread because when our family members drag us down into their unhappiness and dysfunction, detaching is necessary to keep peace in our lives.
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Ali, congrats on your new job! It will be a load off your mind having a steady income, and hopefully you will meet a bunch of new people too! It's a
Win-Win until your perfect job comes along!
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Welcome Sunshine. How is your mother's health? If her health is good, her not moving on and her making demands should not be your first priority. You and your husband have a right to your retirement. Keep her up to date on your plans, but don't let her attitude ruin your plans for retirement. This is just my opinion. Others may offer other ideas. Welcome to the thread.
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Hello, I am an only child living in CT age 54. My Dad died when I was 4 years old and Mom never moved on. I know it's been 50 years but if you talk to Mom who is turning 80, it's always a ready topic of conversation as if it were yesterday. Ten years ago my husband and I bought a place in Florida. We are anxiously awaiting his retirement so we can live at that house half of the year. We have made arrangements for continued housing here in CT. I am already riddled with guilt and anxiety about my overbearing mother. I know it's going to get ugly. Today I simply told her that we had made plans for a vacation next fall and this was the response, "WELL, YOU NEVER TOLD ME ABOUT THAT, WHAT WERE YOU GOING TO DO WAIT UNTIL 2 DAYS BEFORE YOU LEFT". Well, I was telling her and it was 9 months in advance. But I didn't say that. I just told her I had to go and hung up. How can I look forward to my husband's retirement and our plans in the sun with this going on?
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Becky, great they restored your power quickly!
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PJ and I got cleaned up and went out to dinner. One of his son's came over and sat with the boys. It was a nice time - good meal after being cooped up. We dropped Pam off at her apartment. She definitely is not used to the noise level at our house. Plus she was having sinus problems with the wood stoves. Back to the usual routine. Yea!

Ali, Congrats on the new job. You'll get the apartment finished all in good time.
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Golden23:. Any chance your physician has samples of the med. you need? Drug reps often leave big quantities of meds when they call on MDs. Couldn't hurt to ask.
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Arm is much improved, thanks for asking. Whatever it was, it only lasted a day.

I start a new job on Monday. I'll be hostessing and bartending (they have no need of a full time bartender) at a cafe just outside downtown area. I've been talking to them for a couple of weeks. They had placed an ad online. Small family place and they want someone who will take their slower day shifts. It's hourly plus tips and they get a regular crowd. I don't expect it will be any more money than rideshare work (it will be a little more...) and money is a big thing right now, as I need to make enough to at least cover all bills and living expenses. I think it will do that plus I can still drive on days off. And I'll keep working on figuring how to get better positions, more career type work. One step at a time. I have to remind myself I've only been in my new apartment for a few months. As long as I keep moving forward, all will be ok. Right?

Finally feeling "back" from the holidays. It was a really nice holiday time for me, I enjoyed it.

I'm going to force myself to put in 2-3 hours of work on this apartment as my living room is still looking like I just moved in, with boxes on shelves and all kinds of stuff both from old house and my storage unit that I've yet to figure out what to do with it. I keep working on it occasionally and dream of the day it's all done. :-P Then I'll go drive rideshare all evening until late. My friend from out of town is visiting and we went to brunch earlier downtown. I indulged in one of the build-your-own Bloody Mary bar with olives, peppers, cheese, oysters, shrimp, bacon, wow!

Becky, glad you have power back on!

Hope you're feeling better, Golden, and sorry about the meds and other goofiness.

Hope everyone is staying warm and have a great weekend!
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The power is back ON. Anxiously waiting for the hot water heater to work it's magic. And the heat.
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Yay becky!!!!!!! Sponge baths aren't the greatest! Enjoy!
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The power is back ON. Anxiously waiting for the hot water heater to work it's magic. And the heat.
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Thx glad - just had some berries with my chocolate and coffee this morning! Yum!!! Proper breakfast will be later today.

becky - it comes in threes they say, but I have lost count. There is some good news -below! I have told this story before you came to AC but here it is again. Re wood stoves, on one trip to my grandfather's camp, we found some rhubarb in what had been my grandmother's garden there. A boyfriend challenged me to make a rhubarb pie. There were basic supplies in the indoor kitchen in a barrel sunk under the floor to keep food cool - flour, lard, sugar etc. but no rolling pin. So I told him if he could make me a rolling pin, I would make a pie, and forgot about it. Some time later, to my surprise, he turned up with a rolling pin which he had hand carved out in the woodshed while the rest of us sun bathed. In those days I made enough pastry I didn't need a recipe. So we got the fire going in the old cast iron wood stove (getting the stove into the camp in the wilderness is another story), I made the pie, and baked it, and it was great! Some things do taste better! Biscuits - yes!!!!

kellse - I hope you are right

sharyn - no alternative that I know of works well for me but - see below. Hope work is going well.

veronica -thx - I don't have the prescription for the L eye as the surgeon's office made my appointment here too soon, and the optometrist said she wouldn't do it till my final appointment end of January. But thanks for the idea. I think then I will get a back up pair. I see they do progressives too. DD uses them for dgd. I called an E'ton pharmacy about the drug and he said everyone is out - the problem is with the manufacturer. Look after yourself now. Are you and hub moving to dd's eventually?

ali - how is your arm this morning?

Well, the good news is that I found 20 pills of my FM drug in a drawer. That is not enough till Mar, but I only use 1/2 a day anyway which takes me into February and if I reduce my dose till 1/4 some days I think I can eke them out till March. The issue other than the pain, which I may be able to deal with other ways, is the withdrawal effects which I have had before going off this drug even with the very small dose I use. I want to avoid them and hope I can this way. The other good news is that the ghost images are better this morning - sort of flicking in and out - more out than in.

When progress isn't - the pharmacy gave me my thyroid pills in a new bottle which is so child proof I cannot open it. I will get it changed and tell them to add a note on my file - no more child proof bottles!!! Fortunately I still have a few from my old prescription. This is an easy fix.

R and I talked about that couple and figure that when they see another car in the driveway (next time he comes up) they will likely come again. R talks nicely to everyone who comes to the door - the young sales guys etc. I have asked him to give them a VERY clear message this time. He tends to couch his "No's" very softly.

No news from the NH, so mother must be adjusting to her new meds routine. That is good.
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Golden you can get cheap glasses on line for about $50 and they come in few days. As long as you have your prescription you can choose everything else even upload a picture of yourself to see how your choice looks. Can't give the name but it has USA in the company name. i have used them twice now.
Can't help on the FM drugs but have you tried other pharmacies or those online?
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All of you dealing with storm back east, stay safe and warm. You all seem to have it under control. No word from DDuck, hoping she is ok.

Golden, not having the FM meds is not going to be good. Is there no alternative med you can use in the meantime. I just order milk weed balm/cream. Going to give it a try for my back discomfort.

Ali, hope your arm is better. Take care and seek medical help if you feel it has progressed.

Becky, 5-6 ft of snow! Wow! We had rain last night. It does not seem to have melted much snow.

Dd has returned to SoCal and back to work today( for me).
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Becky04473, good news on the weather front it may be 50 next week lol
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Golden, You are having a time of it. So bad for you about the FM medication and your glasses.

Wood stove is tricky, but I do think some things taste better. Biscuits and corn bread for starters. PJ and I are not coffee drinkers, so that's not an issue. 
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😝 there you go, Golden, a raspberry for you. 🍓
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veronica - stay warm and stay safe!!!!!!!!

madge - a little rain, eh. raspberry, if I could find one! 😊

ali - make sure you are OK.

cm -blood out of a stone -now that's talent

becky - they grow them tough in Maine! Cooking on a wood stove is an adventure. We did it every summer at my grandfather's camp. Making coffee was an art. You got water from the lake in the old blue enamel pot, spooned in the ground coffee, then brought it just to the boil three times, letting it settle in between, then finally let it sit about 5 minutes. By that time you probably were so ready for a coffee, it tasted like heaven.

granny4 - welcome - sounds like you fit well here. Yes, we are affected for life. There is often a servant child in a dysfun fam. Many of us are that and are learning better deal with or to get out of the role. We understand not being able to handle it. You have to look after you.

Well the hits keep coming. Figured I was well enough over the flu to go shopping and renew some prescriptions. Got to the drug store and found that one of my prescriptions is back ordered to March. That's my FM drug that keeps the pain away and one I have had withdrawal symptoms going off before. Great! The ghost images are not better, in fact worse, if anything. So between not getting new glasses till the middle of February, if indeed that improves my vision and not getting my FM drug till March sometime I am going to wish I could just teleport myself somewhere far away. I will have to be very careful about driving during this time. DD has said she would help, but right now I doubt it. I think she needs a change of mood drugs. I probably will need some too! And, likely as a result of the stress from those wacky people, my CFS/FM acted up; and I had some numbness on my feet worse that I have even had it before. It's gone now and I hope they are.
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lol MsMadge...

Thanks for feedback, Veronica. The pain was intense.  They always clean with alcohol, the needle had been inside for a minute, why the sudden, severe pain I've never felt before?  There are no marks or bruising at the site, just internal soreness. I wonder if she didn't hit a nerve. I read online that is not uncommon, too. I don't think I'm in any danger but "better safe than sorry" is always good advice. I'll read some more online.

If I get any numbness, tingling, change of color, hot patch (I've had that before and suspected a clot) then I'll get to ER.  It's only sore in my entire bicep area of right arm, but no color changes or throbbing. 
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DysfunctionAL is a nice word describing my family ..years of abuse and neglect from my mother and step parent has scarred me and my brother for life the 3 kids her and "step parent "(monster) had were treated good..I've been doing her cleaning ,shopping, Dr appt, and etc..she has got so difficult to do for..she screams, critizes and wants me to do everything..I've had to quit..it was hard enough before she got like she is..but now I just can't take it..thanks for letting me vent.
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I guess I shouldn't mention SoCal might get a little rain next week
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Golden, School is rarely out in Maine. My son went 12 years without ever having a snow/cold day.

Snow is over. We now have between 5-6 feet on the ground. PJ got the driveway and walks plowed. Got everything pushed to the back of lot. Still have no power. Emera worker came around about 4:00 pm. He said without any further problems power should be on before dark tomorrow. I've done okay cooking on the wood stove. I moved it from the farm last summer and we installed in the little dining room. I had to fool around with it some to get everything adjusted right. Pam couldn't remember anything about Grandma cooking on it other than ER boiling big tea kettles full of hot water to do the dishes. Got the oven adjusted and made biscuits for dinner. Made fried chicken in cast iron skillets which the boys loved. All of us have spent most of the day reading. PJ took the boys outside for an hour or so.
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Ali
I've had that burning sensation during a blood draw which I attributed to being a tough stick and a newish tech but I don't remember having a sore arm other than a bruise at the draw site
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Ali I agree with Veronica, get it checked out - and if it's getting worse not better then run don't walk. The explanation annoys me, too. The third vial, so at least a minute or two after the alcohol swab - it would all have evaporated long before, and as for 'being pushed into your vein' - hooey. She hit something or went through something and you've at least got a nasty internal bruise there by the sound of it. Is there anything to see?

Pity - most phlebotomists I've ever met have been absolutely brilliant, could almost literally get blood out of a stone. Maybe you were too easy for her!

Bit of luck they'll just send you home - but absolutely better safe than sorry, yes.
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Hi Alison I told hubby Dr about your experience. he said it has nothing to do with the alcohol swab and the phlebomist may have hit a nerve or artery. As it is above the insertion site it could be something really serious like a thrombosis. Is there any kind of lump? if so is it pulsating? Do you have any loss of sensation in your hand ,paleness of skin or tingling in the fingers.
Hubby thinks you should be seen possibly tonight in the ER. is there any redness or swelling in the upper arm?
At the very least they can give you some analgesia for the pain.
Up to you of course but better safe than sorry. Good luck
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Out of the dozens of blood draws I've had in my life, I've never had an issue with one until yesterday. It was fine upon first insertion of the needle, and around the 3rd vial, I felt a bad burning sensation I wasn't expecting and jerked back from the needle. I apologized to the phlebotomist tech gal and told her about the burning. She said it was due to the rubbing alcohol on surface of my skin being pushed into my vein. Today, my entire upper right arm above where they drew blood is very sore. What is this? Veronica, or any other nurses, do you know about this? I'm just curious. 

Edit: I Googled it and seems it's common enough... of course... I'm not concerned that anything  bad is going on.  Just strange.  It hurt like heck and now the whole upper arm is sore.  
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