The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

It's bitterly cold here in upstate NY but so far only about 4" of snow and no power outages. We do have a generator powered with propane that keeps the important stuff cging like fridge, freezer, well pump and furnace plus some lights and outlets. Can't use the stove put can plug in a single ring to cook. We also have a wood stove that we keep cranked up anyway. There is also enough wood on the property to keep us in firewood for many years to come.

book - I used avast for years till one pop up jammed my computer and I had to take it in to be fixed. Never found a virus I couldn't get rid of, but my antivirus program got the best of me. How's that for irony? I am trying it again now.

mally - thx I strongly believe in the power of prayer.

ali - your new PCP sounds good. I hope you can work out some of your issues with her. Good sleep is crucial. Employment in eldercare could be a good thing for you. At least you know what you are getting into. Enjoy your date. Friends are good.

becky -wow that is a lot of snow

cwillie -that was Ontario wasn't it?

barb - sounds like things are working where you are. I am always amazed at schools being shut for those temps. When I was a kid and (rarely) it got too cold for us to walk to school the parents drove us, sort of an informal car pool. Everyone knew everybody, so it was safe. The joys of a small town!

Having decided to go for a co-POA and personal agent health with oldest son and dd, I had my decision supported when dd texted me that she could not do any cleaning for me as she had too many health issues. She goes back and forth so much. A month ago she was upset with me that I was considering hiring someone else to clean as she said she would do it and they needed the money. This pattern repeats itself in different ways. I love my daughter, but I know I cannot count on her. She has done some very good things for me, and sometimes not so good. Oldest son said he would do it if that was what I wanted and was happy at the thought of sharing it with his sister He had little idea of what was involved so I gave him an idea and said that most of the financials can be done electronically, meetings can be skyped and there may not be many of them. Looking after mother would not have been so bad, if she had not had BPD. If I develop dementia, then they will have to do the best they can. We talked about middle son's role, and oldest son was concerned that middle son didn't feel rejected. I need to think about how to talk to middle son and give him the opportunity for feedback, and, hopefully decide for himself that he has enough to do. I told my oldest son that I expected that all of them would be involved and on the same page for any significant health decisions about me. He agreed, and we didn't see that as a problem no matter how things are set up on paper. I may be able to set it up with all three, but only two of the three signatures required. I need to talk to my bank and see what restrictions they put on POA's and how to best set up things. Now, to talk to dd about it. I am not sure how she will take this idea, I will have to wait till she is on a more even keel, and then will ask to speak with her and her hub together. He is a very sensible steady guy, and his mum is already in an NH, so he has a little experience. I think his sister is POA, but the sibs discuss things. Making progress!

To my surprise, I got an offer in the cottage lot - definitely low but I made a counter offer and will stay firm with it, I think. They would get a good deal and I would get money towards moving forward with a condo. I figure what you lose on the swings, you gain on the merry-go rounds. It all works out in the end. If the market is low you sell low, but you buy low too.

Time for a rest. Have a good day everyone ((((((hugs))))))

send - I melted chocolate on top for icing ~

sharyn -yes those people are very intrusive and I expect it isn't over Talked with oldest son last night and he said the next step is to tell them to stay off my property or I will call the police. You are right about that flu, exactly what happened to me. I did not have a tight chest this morning and felt like eating normal breakfast, so I guess I am on the mend, thankfully. Haven't coughed much either. I eat my greens!!! Sounds like you had a great time with your son. Sorry about hubs. Toothaches are miserable.

becky - It will be good to have those extractions and the initial work of the implants behind you, I rarely get pain after dental procedures. I take a painkiller before I go and also a decongestant to stop post nasal drip. It seems to work. Oh wow, you are getting WEATHER!!! Sounds like you are well set up to survive it. You can always run the car for a while too and maybe get some radio signals. How many times here have I filled up the bathtub and flushed the toilets with buckets of water? And kept the temp in the house up by the fire in the fireplace. Power outages were very common when we first moved here. Stay warm!!!

dori - ah -the first scrape -that one hurts. Hope you and kitty had a good sleep! (((((hugs)))) to you.

glad - giardia nasty!!! Also cutting off fingertips. Middle son once cut off a chunk off his finger tossing a buck knife around. We arrived home from a trip south to find blood all over the bathroom, and ds saying he had hit his head on the porcelain when he passed out' He had just come to when we got home. Ex took him to hospital and they cauterized it with silver nitrate - a very unpleasant experience for him. I took the knife away! Still makes me shudder to think of it. What you missed if you never had to fill every container in the house with water!!!

I use my cell service for internet. We have a small camp TV. It uses batteries or we can plug in for to watch weather. Not fun, but one can get by.

We have two small emergency generators. Enough power to keep lights, cell phones charged. Let the boys charge up Game Boys and DS's. Keep them occupied. We saw about 20 power trucks going out the road. Watch TV for weather only.  Not enough for heat or water pump.

Rural folks on wells need electricity to pump the water Gladimhere. There has been a lot of news space here given to remembering the ice storm 20 years ago, thankfully that one missed us but I live in fear of winter blackouts.

Without electricity how do get tv or even internet, Becky, Barb and Duck. Do most people have emergency generators? How are the generators powered? Why wouldn't toilets work? Ahh, the questions, I have never had to deal with coastal storms. Cultural differences I guess.

Ah, Maine! Stay safe!

Good Barb! Was worried about you and the storm. Still snowing and getting colder.

NYC is very cold right now (11 above). They closed schools but central offices were open, so I went in. My subway lines were all running. Driving this am was interesting, but not terrible Stay warm!

Never heard of the cyclone bomb, until they said it was coming for a visit here in Maine. Seems to be a fast moving blizzard. Our power is out - probably for a few days. It's been snowing hard for about 12 hours. Fortunately, no one has appointments. School is cancelled for the day. We already had about 2-1/2 feet of snow on the ground. Local weather says we got another 2 feet. At least we're not near the coast and didn't get the water and ice. We have both wood stoves cranked up and are warm. We filled both emergency water tanks in the garage since we have a well with electric pump. Plenty of bottled water. Have all of the bathtubs filled to flush toilets. We picked Pam up so she wouldn't be stuck at her apartment alone. My brother is out of town on business, so he's getting to miss this mess. We all took nice hot showers in the afternoon right before it arrived. So we're good. I wonder how Barb and Duck are doing in NYC and East Eagle in Boston? Boston news station had some bad looking film on television. Maine in winter - always a new adventure.

Chicago is on the rebound from the very cold temps of the past week. That bomb cyclone thingy went to the NE of USA. Heard it dumped tons of snow.

I had first visit with new PCP today. She backed up some of my theories about my health issues and gave me new ideas. She doesn't want me using benzodiazepines if I'm not having acute anxiety. She wants to Rx me sleep aids instead and see if my getting better sleep doesn't fix some issues. I'm all for trying.  She was telling me that benzos are muscle relaxants, they're all around body/brain relaxants, and it will have side effects and withdrawal even if I only take 1x every week or two. She noticed my jaw is swollen from TMJ and said to use heat. I had read online about using warmed rice to help the area, a common treatment for earaches and TMJ, so it's time for me to do that and see if it helps. Overall it was a good visit with her, she tested for blood sugar levels and liver enzymes, I follow up in 2 weeks and go from there.

I'm rewriting my resume for elder care field jobs I've seen posted online. I've half-done a rewrite that way before, now I'm including all the right key words and looking for hospital or facility sales positions. The industry very well might break my soft heart... or maybe I find a way to help people in common situations, something I'm familiar with. I'd have to get hired first though, haha. Anyway, just trying to keep up some effort on that front -- I do need better employment although I'm getting by for now.

Had a 2nd date tonight with a guy I've been conversing with since October. I think we like and understand each other. I don't expect it to be a love match, but friends is fine with me. Sometimes it's just nice to have good company and it was a fun night out with him.

Hope all you NE Americans are getting dug out from the snow. ((((hugs))))

I think it went east!

Not me; hope everyone is safe and warm

Anyone ever heard of a cyclone bomb before? It is a new one on me. Who is experiencing it?

Becky, it sounds like a long process. Rest up for D-Day extractions!

Becky, KNOCK ON WOOD! My ex was awful, the end of the world when he got sick. But, one time it was real, he had somehow contracted giardia. It was awful. Then there was the time he cut off the very tips of his fingertips, just several layers of skin really, with the table saw cutting down a pine wood racer for our son's cub scout derby. 😴

Hi all.....drive by commenting again, trying to catch up on the reading here! Kitten's neutering and hernia repair was today and I've been fighting him on wearing the cone of shame for 3 hours now. Put the first scrape on my car also today, which was my own fault for driving-while-frustrated (I scraped it on a concrete pillar trying to back up). I'm super mad at myself for that. And mom is being....well, mom.

I think I just got the kitten settled into a nice, drug-induced sleep, so I'm going to lay down beside him and try to finish reading!

Big hugs!

Sharyn , I've had 24 extracted. The rest they will do on Wednesday. Then place the wires and anchor implants. It's been a long, long process. I could never have had it done without PJ's dental insurance. Be glad to have it finished.

Becky, I wish you quick recovery. I sure you will be glad to have it behind you. All extracted at once! Or do they extract in stages?

Sharyn, Good that you had a nice day with your son. Sorry about husbands toothache. I went to dentist today, picked up prescription for antibiotic. Next Wednesday is D-Day extractions and implants. Will be happy to have it behind me.

Golden, wow these people are being very intrusive! I certainly hope they got the message loud and clear and do not come back. I hope you are feeling better. There is a flu going around starting as a stomach virus and goes on into bronchitis. Strange tome but it is what others are getting.

Send, I hope you getting better. Its been a long time being sick. I know bronchitis can take up to a month. Take care, go to the dr.

Man flu! Men really get worse symptoms than women!! Lol!, not set in stone yet but research has some evidence it’s possible. I do believe exercise and being outside exposed to the elements helps to toughen up the immune system.

Spent most of today out with my son. We went to 3 different places to take pictures. He wanted more snow so we went about an hour away from here and they had less snow. We came back here to our local green belt. We both took quiet a few pictures at all 3 places. My sons wife is back east and her flight back to California tomorrow has been cancelled. My son leaves tomorrow afternoon. He and I had a great day together and I’m glad for that. Poor hubs has a toothache and can’t get in to the dentist until Monday.

Take care everyone, chicken soup for the flu!

Thank you Golden, I would live to have an almond butter pumpkin brownie!
Sounds so very good, and home made!

Freudian typo.....love to have, not live to have.  Well, maybe live was more accurate!

dori - glad to see you back home safe and rested.

rainey - sounds like you have it under control. Dehydration in the elderly is a problem. Hope you can gain some peace in the new year. I figure when you reach 80, cards and gifts are optional. My sis was still expecting mother to send her gifts when mother was 96. Mother called me and told me that the gifting thing was to much for her. I told her that we all understood and were fine with it, and if it was too much for her, then my sister would have to adjust. I don't send out anything on mother's behalf. I send FYI emails once in a long while to family when there are major changes.

It's real!!!

But some guys don't get flu  -  my boys very rarely did or do while dd and I  did. R gets very little and what he gets never slows him down - the outside and exercise theory.  Exercise will boost your immune system.

Anyone for almond butter pumpkin brownies? I must be getting better. I baked this morning.

I believe in "man flu". My two brothers can turn a sore throat or head cold into a health crisis.

I realized a couple of months ago that PJ is never sick. I asked him had he ever been sick. He said in college over 40 years ago he had a 24 hour virus. He said he could remember having a cold one time kwhen he was a kid. He believes it's because he gets plenty of fresh air and exercises every day.

Google "is man flu real"? There are articles everywhere.

Book, you have Avast Free? Don't ignore it, it can't work if you don't keep it up to date and the updates are pretty painless.

Send, I don’t think she will ever believe that her son doesn’t want to talk to her. It’s the wife who is stopping him. It would hurt too much for her to admit that it’s her son’s decision. Best to blame the wife. I hope you can get some rest tonight. I was going to ask if maybe it’s allergens in the air that’s causing your cold/flu for the past few weeks. But then I read the coughing that led to throwing up. Hope it’s not pneumonia. When I was going through my severe coughing bout, after googling, I read that drinking 2 teaspoonful (or was that tablespoon?) of honey before bedtime will help lessen the coughing. It really does work, except I had an allergic reaction to the honey. I was also told by the clinic to drink lots of fluid. It helps loosen the congestion in the lungs and keep me hydrated. Take care!

Golden, every time I boot up the laptop, the Avast pops up about doing something, upgrade? I don’t even read it because I tend to avoid touching anything on my computer. As for those unwanted neighbors, they sound scary. Is there any way for you to install some security cameras on the front/back doors? The cameras I got had an app that I downloaded into my iPad. I had access to the house from my iPad. Both of you will now have access to the cameras if you have a smartphone or tablet device – while on the go. It might make these neighbors a little hesitant to be so brazen with you. Please be very careful with them. They know you’re mostly home alone…. I hope you get better, too! When I’m sick, I crave chicken soup every day. When I’m well, I have no desire to eat it. Yeah, I believe the body knows that chicken soup is good for it. Take care!

Becky, I agree with you. Your niece and nephew are in this situation due to their own actions. They didn’t have to follow their parents’ attitudes. They could have quietly disagreed with them or do that rare stick-your-neck-out attitude. But they didn’t. They burned their bridges.

Guest, at least now you know where you stand. Whatever happens, don’t cave in. Once you give in a teeny tiny bit, you will end up with the Whole Enchilada! And hubby and BIL are riding off towards the sunset knowing the home front is being taken care of – by you! We're all cheering for you to stand firm. =)