The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

Ali - well, we play kind of a mix. I like to say everything from A(dele) to Z(eppelin)!

We would all like to be more hard rock, but that doesn't sell well for dance parties and bars, lol. So we do SOME hard rock, some newer pop, some older 50s/60s/70s stuff. A little country, a little pop, a lot of rock 'n' roll. The biggest surprise to me was when we added the Adele - it could be the regional Harley-Davidson chapter or the community Rotary club, pre-teens or seniors.....they will ALL pour onto the dance floor for Adele!

It's not the cold so much as I've been feeling under the weather and I'm worried about my voice, on top of worrying about mom. The guys said we'd go over some stuff tomorrow afternoon, and try tuning the instruments down to E flat (usually in E). Maybe down to D for some songs, if the bass strings don't get too "floppy"! (Bassman's word, not mine!)

What kind of music does your band play, Dori? I think that would be fun, giving others enjoyment for their NYE celebration, but I get it that you'd rather not go off to work to play/sing when it's cold.  Lots of reasons to be lazy and hibernate when it's subzero temps out.

Duck and golden - if it's on a computer, I can organize it. If it's a piece of paper....mwahahaha into the pile of nonsense it goes! All my bills are e-mailed to me. I pay them all online. Even my rent gets paid online now. I have been waiting and waiting for the paperwork to set that up for mom....things have been so hectic I haven't followed up. (Mom kept her credit union accounts in her old city, sigh, and of course we don't have the same credit union here.)

golden - that's where I live! In the desert part of BC!! If you come here you'll have a friend already! :-D It's actually -10 right now, but I don't feel it the same as other places. It can be above 0 in Vancouver (where mom is from) and I will feel colder there. And -10 is positively balmy compared to the 5 years I lived in Alberta! The summers are stupid hot, though. That's the trade-off.

So the internet and TV were working again today but not the phone (it's all under one provider). I had to spend over an hour on my cell getting that sorted tonight. This after mom fell (twice) last night. I'm a little frazzled after this week.

I'm supposed to go out of town for a NYE band gig Sunday....first gig I've booked in 6 months and I'm wishing we hadn't accepted it. A friend of mine who lives there pushed my band at them, thinking she was helping me, when I just wanted to turn it down.  I actually asked for a ton of money, thinking they'd say no....and they said yes!! Even acceded to my demand of half up front as a deposit, lol. So now I have to go. Arranged for BFF to come in Sunday evening, home support comes Monday morning, and BFF's hubby will take mom to dialysis after that. I should be home before she's even off the machine. (Do NOT like driving snowy, winding mountain roads in the dark.) Fingers crossed....

This makes me think if I have any chance of spending my weekends at my own home in the New Year, it's time mom had a LifeLine.

Veronica - she is a Chartered Accountant, passed her UFE (professional exams) in the top ten in the province, chosen by one of the top 3 firms in E'ton to article where she did very well, but hates the rat race and hates the busywork. She would have enjoyed forensic accounting, or something like that. She has tended to nail her bosses for "improper practices" and doesn't last too long after that. I think that personal trainer is a better choice if she can keep on top of her health issues.

I guess NY has a raw damp cold which can be nasty. That woman trapped by six feet of snow. Wow!

I hope to make things clear, but there may well be times when decisions have to be made off the cuff, and between the two of them I think they will do well.

Reading another post from you -is it time to get some home help in? Can hub wash down his own toilet? Worst comes to worst, don't tuck the sheets in. I managed to get a bed skirt on a queen size recently by starting at the bottom and inching the material up between the boxspring and mattress, going from side to side. It took a few trips around the bed, but it worked. I used to be able to turn a mattress with ease, but not any more. Happy New Year to you!

Golden for some reason i have it in my head that dd is a Dr, i guess not. I know CM's is so why did i put that label on yours.
I think it is a wise decision to invove both as your POAs. i am sure you will make it very clear what you do and don't want done.
Its is down in the single digits here in central NY. Some poor woman further north was trapped in her home for four days by six feet of snow. She said she tried to shovel but she could not get it over the snow banks as it just kept falling back. In the end she called 911 and those brave firefighters came and dug her out.
Happy New year.

stace- I decided on reaching 80 it was time for me to do it!!! Mother waited till she was 96, much to the frustration of her financial advisor, who knew there would be a mess if she had a stroke or something, and no one had been appointed. Mother had had a will for a while, but changed it around several times as she developed vascular dementia. I believe it is cast in stone now and probably back to where it was originally, but only her lawyer knows. I think your thoughts for yourself and hub are good. I need to talk to R about his plans. That chair sounds like it would be great for your grands, Stacey. They will love it! Still having some CFS/FM, but this too will pass. Both cold weather and weather changes seem to bring it on. The cold and rain must be hard on you. I need to try Arizona or the desert part of BC. Must go get some supper. Take care!!!

becky - of course not. Your fault ??? Oh my, they are creative!!! It is nonsense, indeed!

I think you are very wise to read up all you can about what to expect with Pam. It is what one can do and doing something helps. Glad the pain clinic people are nice and that Pam got the scripts she needs. Sue is a true friend. It is great she can be there for Pam and for your family. This is a sad time for you all. Hope you and PJ enjoyed your evening out. I was hoping R and I could do the dinner theatre again this season, but the cold weather, the CFS/FM etc makes me want to hunker down and stay in. Maybe later when it warms up.

cwillie - my concern is to have another to sign off and be involved in decisions, I think what you are describing would often turn out the way it has for you. Dd has made some mistakes even though she is a CA with top marks. She hates bookkeeping. Just recently I sent her two interact transfers and noticed that they had not been completed, so I texted her. She said the first one (from 2-3 weeks ago) was a duplicate so she didn't complete it, and the second one (their Christmas gift from several days before) she had had trouble completing. I checked my records and the first one was not a duplicate. I ended up re-sending and that worked fine but, IMO, she should have let me know about both of them. Like, who is keeping track of who here? It's a good thing that I am still sharp. To be fair to her, her thyroid and iron are both low right now, not that she doesn't get them checked regularly, she does, but they still go off sometimes and that makes her tired and vague. Also she has just had her anti-d reduced, as her psych doc has started another med. Hence my concern about her being the only one involved. She has health issues, that are not that serious in terms of being life threatening, but, they do affect her functioning. Oldest son, on the other hand, is remarkably steady. So thinking ahead, she may well continue to have these health issues, and she will age like the rest of us, so other things may arise. They may for my son too, but at least, at present, he does not have any ongoing health issues. I think between the two of them things would be looked after well, and in this world of technology it should not be difficult to work together. Now to convince them both of this. I think the best approach is that the work is less when two are involved, though I am not sure I believe that. In terms of major responsibilities they can split it anyway they like. For meetings, they can skype if necessary. In all practical senses, mother has me and R as I involve him in the major decisions, and he has attended all meetings. I keep dd very much in the loop. The boys, I inform afterwards, on the whole. The nitty gritty paperwork I do myself, though have had a little help from dd and from R regarding organizing it. When the time comes, floating away on a raft into the ocean is looking better and better every day. I always wanted to be buried at sea.

Golden, we still have not set up our POA's but you thinking about yours, now has me thinking about ours. I guess that we would choose each other as our mains, and then choose 2 of our most responsible kids as secondaries (eldest Son, and our Daughter). It is strange to think that in our late 50's early 60's we need to even think about this yet, but one never knows when something horrible could happen to one of us, and we should have this simple form in place, that And the HIPPA forms, thankfully our Will's are completed, though should probably be updated from time to time, as our financial outlook changes. I hope you start feeling better with your cold and Fibro symptoms! The cold weather really does affect my Arthritis and Fibro sx as well!

Our snow is all gone, ours only ever lasts a few days here anyways, but it was sure nice to have a surprise White Christmas this year! Whew, as nice as our Christmas was, I am glad to have it behind us! Now its time to take down the decorations, and get busy emptying out these spare bedrooms! It is cold and rainy now, our usual December weather.

We had a funny experience ordering an easy chair on Ebay. We Found one we liked to go in our family room that would go nicely with our planned decor, this room is intended to be fairly masculine and casual, so the chair we ordered was a black and white plaid. It arrived a couple of nights ago, while I was out with my sister at the Casino. Hubby put it together, and it turned out to be almost child sized, Lol! It's super cute, but definitely not family room appropriate, so will end up in my husbands "coin room". "Never again", my husband said, "we will never order furniture online again", even though the measurements were clearly stated, its hard to imagine the size sometimes, well for us anyways! I told hubby we could send it back, but he said why bother, so I guess we're keeping it! Live and Learn!!!!

Becky, I'm sorry your cousin is suffering with pain, besides the Cancer treatments which are rough in themselves, it is nice her RN friend will be visiting her for a while, hopefully it will take her mind off of it for a bit! 

I can't believe your Twisted SIL has passed away, and while I am so sorry, it will hopefully be less stress for you in the long run! It sounds like Pam had her pegged, just like you did. The nerve of that family expecting you to foot the bill of funeral arrangements!!!  What a shame though, to have died at such a young age, your family has gone through an incredible amount of deaths and sorrow  this past year, hopefully the New Year will be happier and healthier for you and yours! Again, so sorry for your families losses!!! Was this the Mother of the 2 orphan Kiddo's, that were going to visit you in early December? If so, How very sad that these 2 kids have been through so much trauma in their little lives! Its heartbreaking! Take Care!

I'm off to get my Charlie-Girl's nails trimmed, long overdue!!! Other than that, all is well here with all my lot!!!

Happy New Year's Everyone!!! Stace

Golden, I don't wish anyone dead, not even my SIL, but I can't say I'm going to miss her. My nephew called me and as usual all of their problems are my fault. I hung up on him. No time for that nonsense.

I've been reading all of the Hospice info and also on what to expect with Pam illness. I know one can't fully prepare, but I want to have as much of a clue as possible.

Pam and I went today to the oncology pain clinic. The specialist she saw today was very nice, thorough and explained everything. He gave her scripts for what he thought she might need this month.

We picked up her friend Sue at the airport. She will be here until a week from Monday. So good of her to be here for Pame.

Golden, mom's POA is worded "jointly and severally", that way either one of them can take the lead without the other having to sign off. For us that just means I do everything.

becky --sounds like Pam is getting well set up and hanging in there. I saw on another thread that sil had died. My condolences, but I hope it is not inappropriate to say that you are better off without that particular aggravation.

tg - "Trying to set boundaries with dad. He just ignores them anyway." What are the consequences to him for ignoring your boundaries? Could you have some supper times for your wife and you, and buy Dd a tv table to have some meals in his room? Having said that, I think you are here to vent more than to get ideas to make changes.

duck - I am glad that your mother is not too bad and is being well cared for. Just stay cool as much as you can. Good to back off from your friend a bit.

dori - Oh dear. I have those kind of paperwork skills too. If I find something I need,that I thought I had lost, I scan it and put it in a folder on my computer. R insists on hard copies of everything. He likes paper. I think you are wise to take away mum's mailbox key.

Another severely cold day here, but it is forecast to warm up after the weekend. As I had to go out to get my hair and nails done, both of which were quite overdue, I decided to call a cab. When I came home on Christmas Day the sensor showed that one tire had low pressure. At these temps anything can happen to your car, so I did not want to risk going out and getting a flat tire.The cab got here and took me to my appointments fine. But when I called from the gas station next door to my hair place, for one to return home, he didn't go to the right address, called me and, after I said I did not see him, started to argue that he was there. The cashier motioned to me, so I gave him my cell to tell the cabbie where to go. It is the only S**ell station in that area, and has been there for years, so it was not rocket science to find it. Finally I took my phone back and another customer, an older man, asked if I lived in the area, and offered to drive me home. I accepted, though I know it is not a good idea, generally, but at those temps people do reach out. Only one time of the last 3 times I have called a cab, has the driver got the address right to pick me up. All the 3 cab companies here have a rating of about 2 out of 5. I am not surprised.

I am having thoughts again about who to appoint as POA and personal agent (health). Dd says she wants to do it and when she feels good she is great, but she has times when she isn't well, and I don't feel that she could always do a good job. Middle son is not a good candidate for several reasons, and has a wife who will spend any money they have and mine, if I let her, so that he is out. Then there is oldest son, who has a very good clear head and can manage money, but I don't think has a grasp on the realities of seniors and their challenges. Dd has more so, though ds has empathy which dd does not. He, in my view, is the most reliable/sensible regarding finances, but he doesn't always get things done on time, which dd does. He has a very supportive partner, but neither of them drive nor do they want t,o which limits their mobility. My thoughts, at present, are to appoint dd and oldest son as co POAs and health agents. They get along fine and would bring very different skills/perspectives to the table and would, both, eventually be only a few hours away - once I move.

Haven't quite kicked this bug yet as I have a bit of a sore throat. Peroxide gargle and zinc lozenges should fix that.

Take care all. I figure only 6 weeks more of possibly severely cold weather here, and the forecast looks a bit higher than the 10 year averages through January. Yay!!!

LoL Dorianne here in NYC we can call cable company with I think its an xnumber to expedite service. Give that number and on in hours.

I love the superior oganizational skills. My grandmother used to say I would leave my head behind if it wasnt attached. LOL

I will be off line for a few. Be good. Much love and light to all.

Hello all. Thanks to my superior paperwork organizational skills (*cough*), combined with mom throwing out random pieces of mail, the internet/TV got cut off this morning. I paid it right away, but it apparently takes 24 hours to get turned back on. Currently tethered to my mobile to write this.....earlier, I had my laptop hooked up to the TV so mom could watch my Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman videos....which are pretty much the only dementia-appropriate videos I own! (Picture me desperately searching through my massive collection of Doctor Who, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, etc.....lol!)

Anyway, I anticipate being back in the forum sometime tomorrow, lol.

This is what I get for doing all my own financial stuff on the computer for the last 20 years. I have lost any possible paper tracking skills I ever might have had!

Also I've taken away mom's mail key.

Also I learned how to tether my new cell phone for the first time today!

Oh and I spoke to my friend whom I felt bad about. I told her I felt some kind of way when I called her in distress to ask her to see if her son could make a few calls and see if the task force had found my mother. Her response was that I didnt call her the first time. well the first time I didnt know about the task force. Then whe says she was not going to put her son in my family problems. Her son is my age. Been in police department over 20yers and has a lot of connection. I reached out because my sister and nephew were ignoring my calls and I wasnt getting trhough to the prectinct. I was thinking my nephew would hit the task force but it seem like he didnt at first. My friend says my sister responded "for what" when he asked if police were called.

Anyways I missed being able to call her when this was happening. I was disaapointed in her response and reasoning. She has been good to me and we have been friends for a long time. So I try and let things go with certain things. So I am about to have more stress with this home attendant process. Adjusting and guiding and helping her adjust and just the whole process I am clueless. so I will put this friend on hold for a while. Thank goodness the therapy is in the works. Thank goodness for AC because I thing I am going to have to lose my confidant level with her.

Take care all. Rays of love and light to all.

Hi All. I am glad to report my mother is okay. She was moved from the ICU and will probably get discharged soon. Occupational therapist evaulated her and he is reccomending a home attendant, Thank God. I had spoken my concerns for a home attendant to doctor and nurse. When I am off in the morning I will page social worker about same.

Meanwhile, I spoke with a friend who is like my brother but my sister has been feeding him a bunch of crap about me. I spoke to him about someone saying I dont care about my mother a while back we talked and he says we are both saying the same exact thing about each other.
I called to let him know my mother was in hospital. Then he asks where I was I said home. Asked me why I am not at hospital I told him I dont have to explain myself to him. He asked if he could sit down with us both would I agree. Previously he asked if there was anyone in my family who could mediate. He is saying we need to sell the house and put my mohteer in a nursing home if we cant live together.

So I thought of this all. I am so done. There is no talking to my sister she is going to be right when the fact that she has me blocked from my mothers care should turn on a light bulb for anyone looking. If she had a home attendant she may not have felll and had this bleed.he is up and down steps all night and it was not safe, plus not eating. So I had just texted my twister that if she didnt get a home attendant soon things would change legally. I am so glad she will now get proper care and attendtion. I am so affraid about this mini stroke and the bleed although old. If she falls again or hit her head or get jarred enough it could start up again or she could get one in a new area.

Now I am getting the guilt after speaking to this friend. My sister told him I came home and I didnt have to work. I wont feed it but she didnt want me to know about here care only reason I know she had cat scan is because she had a bleed. My nephew picks my sister up and take her home. I have to take train and walk aways. Not to mention I went thru this with my father 36 years ago when I was younger, and driving. The stress is off the chain. I have to work I dont have the benefit of taking off and getting paid.
So the way I feel is that I was there everyday for my father when my sister or mom (short for mother) hardly went to see him. He died in hospital. I have been my mothers go too all my life. Used up and crazy between taking all the s***t she and my mother have dished out to me. If she was not good I would most certainly be there. Had they been so attentive ast home she may not have had this bleed becaue they woould seen she needs a home attendant long ago. They spend the night and day at the hospital. They dont involve me I know she is okay. I go, I clean her up if she needs it , do her hair (she needs a wash) and I am so glad I got to her legs and feet before this happened. My schedule is broken up this week so I am going to spend part of day at hospital when I get off in morning. Now would clean before she comes home but I am not up too it. I need to get to fridge. Want to do things before home attendant comes. I am missing my mother at home. Its weird. Told her today that Prince want to know where 'H##ll" she is and got a smile. Poor thing is a good watch dog. He always went on the landing where someone was if house was empty and my mother was not home. So he walks up stairs and can barely get down. I have to put something cross door so he will stay downstairs.

Again I thank you all so much for your words of wisdom and support. I read posts about what I am now going through, I am a sensitive person and even when I think I am alright I surprise my self with a big cry sometime and I just get into a funk. Know I will soon get therapy gives me hope. I sure wish it was in play now.
I am glad I decided not to run to hospital that day. The emotions and AOB may have had me end up being a maniac at the slighest frown from my sister. She blocks me from care and then wouldnt let my nephew come and get me she nippd that in the bud. I heard him hesitating when he was telling me he was coming to get me. I thought they had gone out since its the holidays. This is after I had a panic attack when I found door unlocke and my mother not there. I called him and he said he had her. I started to go in on him saying he could have left a note or sent text. But I was so relived I left it alone. Relieved I had my cocktails and relaxed until he called and said get dressed he was comming to pick me up that my mother had a bleed. I though she had passed out while they were out or obiviously went bad in her mental satus so I kept calling and calling and then texted him to dont pick me up take her to the nearest hopsital. Then after callling several times he answered and explained she had had apt. Once I spoke with doctor I was okay. I worked in ER over 10 years I know the drill and the lingo. and I was sure my mother was fine and that it was old eveen though he did not say it was. The neurosurgeon who was very patient pulled up the CT scan and explained it all.
My mother was eating like crazy. I felt good. She got her IV fliuds and appetite. She was looking good this afternoon. They say she gave them hell last night. I knew she would be this type patient becauses she has always been strongminded and independant.
I went to get sheet and diaper and the nurse was like that is my baby. Thats my mother too! I felt good becausse I know I have had many patients whom I took on like they were my mother or grandmother, family. Only thing she did to much sh**tng. Evryother sentence had sht in it. I couldnt understant it. Like how she can get away with that. I hve never seen or heard an RN so unprofessional even if she is good. I always talked real with my patients but I never went to street mode even if I got threatned to get slapped.

Anyways thanks all for the kind thoughts and support. (((((((HUGS))))))))

Daughterof1930, I thought I was reading a bit out of my siblings. I feel your pain. My brother called dad Christmas day and they chatted for a half hour. My wife heard the call and it was similar, narcissistic brother talking all about him. When I spoke with him it was all about him and distant relatives that he is so concerned about, not the close relatives like his nieces or nephews. Amazing how self absorbed some can be.
Trying to set boundaries with dad. He just ignores them anyway. I just keep focused on what needs to be done here and try to ignore the rest. It is difficult at times. Dinner is a challenge as there is no conversation. Anytime a topic comes up he is the expert or it happened to him. I keep my mouth shut and save conversation for private time with my wife.
Reading others threads keeps me centered. I realize my issues are trivial compared to what others are going through. I try to remain calm. My new year resolution's are to be less bugged by the little things and focus on my business and my sanity and health. I wish health and wellness in the new year for others who are caregivers as well.

Went to Pam's for lunch. We decided to try the dining room. It was very good. Finger rolls with a choice of fillings and a big bowl of Manhattan style clam chowder, blueberry or cranberry nut muffin, tea or coffee. Pam says she eats one meal a day in the dining room. She likes to get out of her apartment and meet people. She had a delivery while I there. Jay had told her his gift to her wouldn't fit under the tree.  My brother got her an adjustable power bed frame - and base. She can use her own full size mattress and headboard. I got the headboard attached and everything set up. She was really dreading to have a hospital bed. So that solved that issue. We ordered a tray table that doesn't look too much like a hospital fixture. This morning we went to home health store. There were products she preferred to some at the hospital. I was along for the ride. 

thx barb - lots of opportunities in my life to learn about them, applying them, or the results of not applying them .

re pros from Dover from english.stackexchange dot com

"The term comes from the 1968 book MAS*H by Richard Hooker. In the book, the character Hawkeye is described as using the guise of being the pro from Dover to obtain free entrance to golf courses. WWII slang. The pros from Dover, as in the white cliffs of Dover."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There are some who claim it was created earlier than that, and was used during WW2.

Golden, very good clarification on boundaries. You are the Pro from Dover here on that subject! Where does that expression come from?

sharyn - thx those quiet meals are the best!!! Sounds so good! I know the fur babies must have their portions. My orange cat behaved very well, and you could trust him around a turkey, as long as he got his share, usually the giblets, before the meal. If he didn't get his treat, he would sit up at the table and swipe at what someone was eating. Sorry about the back and hip and hope they are better soon.

duck - Glad mum is not worse. As barb says, at least now you should be able to speak with hospital staff. Hopefully they will pick up on the cognitive decline/dementia and realise she needs help. Hope you got some rest last night.

barb - thx Sometimes people mistake setting boundaries as an effort to change the behaviour of others, while it is primarily to change your own behaviour. Relationships being what they are, it may well result in a change in behaviour of others, but it may not. It is still worth doing. I know that you know that - just banging my drum, playing my violin... Hope things are going well for you.

madge - another long night in ER for you. Hope you are OK, and mum is getting the treatment she needs. You both are such troopers!!! Glad Jul!

Daughterof1930 - sounds like your bro is very self centered, maybe narcissistic. Poor dad, but good for him for sharing his news. Self centered family members are a major trial. Hope your Christmas went well otherwise. I see from your profile that you have your plate full to say the least!

Hope everyone is recovering from their Christmas "hangovers". I am not referring to booze particularly, but all the excesses that occur during this season - eating spending, socializing... Just got a text from R that he has been "jumped" by two young grandsons who MUST PLAY!!!! Rather him than me, he has the energy.

Having a few CFS/FM symptoms, but, all considered, it could be worse. I will make navy bean soup today (soaked the beans last night), and a fish stew for healthy eating -sort of a cioppino. Doesn't get healthier than that.

Take care all, take time for you and that special cup of tea, hot bath, scented candle...that makes you feel special, because you are! Peppermint tea with ginger for me, and a fire later on.

Just taking a moment to get this out and then let it go—I’ve gotten really good at accepting both of my brothers crappy treatment of our dad and not expecting them to be any different than they are. So...Christmas morning I get a merry Christmas text from one brother (don’t know when that became the official way to greet, but whatever, I can deal with it, we have little to actually talk about) I thank him and wish he and his family the same. Then I get a follow up text saying he’d been on the phone with dad on Christmas Eve and was telling him something “important” (it’s always about him and it’s always important) and my dad totally interrupted him to tell him something about a friend at his church. Dad didn’t realize he’d done it and didn’t return to the important matter. My brother says he’s trying to decide how to handle it when they next speak (once a week at most) and how to let him know that it wasn’t acceptable. I replied that he should understand the behavior was related to being 87 years old, and having something on his mind, and just forgive and move on. He replied “maybe I’ll try” Really?! My dad sits on the phone and listens to these always self absorbed stories, never gets asked about himself or his admittedly small life, and can’t be forgiven for once trying to interject a story that was important to him? Unreal. The total cluelessness of my brothers never ceases to amaze. And he thinks he’s owed an apology by a frail old man who spent his life knocking himself out for his kids and defends them mightily to this day. Ugh. Okay, I’m done now...until next time I bubble over

Golden, GREAT advice on boundaries and how to deal with folks when they break them! Hope you're feeling better.

Duck; thoughts and prayers to you and to your mom.

This may be a blessing in disguise, because it's going to allow you to talk to the professionals at the hospital who can get mom the help at home she needs and deserves. And if Nasty Sis tries to prevent that from happening, it will be on the record that she's the one not doing her job as POA. Keep your chin up and your temper down; be the cool, calm and collected professional nurse that you are!

Thanks for the support my mother is stable she's in the ICU I may have miscommunicated she has a small bleed on brain and they didn't think surgical intervention was necessary I'll be up there this morning and also speak to a social worker about a home attendant for her I'm using my phone with the voice to text and it is so horrible trying to text I'm really grateful for the support I need it and I am relieved that she is finally getting correct care

Duck, prayers and ((( hugs)))! Rest up tonight then go in the morning. Your mom is being cared for there. Peaceful sleep.

Stacey, dancing to the 70’s, yay! Fun and good for you. Happy you had a fun time.

Hubs and I had a nice dinner. A 20 lb turkey with stuffing, gravy, potatoes, roasted carrots and rolls just for the 2 of us, lol! Well, of course Midget and Buster and Tiger got a little turkey too!!

Golden, good points on setting boundaries!

My back is hurting still. My right hip is the biggest problem. I’ll try ice for bit then back to bed.

Your cousin is a brave woman, Becky, and you and bro are heroes for being there with her

Get some rest duck - mom is where she needs to be tonight

She will need you with a clear head in the morning

Prayers

(((((hugs)))) duck Sounds like your mother is getting the care she needs. I am glad you were able to get some information and that your nephew talked to you on the phone. If they are going to do surgery it must be serious I would think, but fixable. If I were you I would try to get some sleep and see her tomorrow. I am so sorry this has happened.

I all I hope you are in good place in good spirit I'm in a bad way my mother is admitted into the hospital please pray for her and my family I knew the Dynamics is going to come to a head eventually I came home got my scratch games my mother was asleep I let her be and I made a few calls and had a few cocktails scratching off my cards at some point Something Told Me to go down stairs and check when I got downstairs the door was open the lock was not locked and I was in a very bad place oh my gosh did I leave the door unlocked again if it was me but the gate was locked the doors were locked and I went into a place I came up and caught my nephew and ask him if my mother was with him he said yes and she was okay I started to go off on him like after all of this stuff you could have left a note blah blah blah and I left it alone about an hour later he calls me and says he's coming to pick me up that my mother has to go to the hospital mention and she had a bleed in the brain but he's very very and I didn't have a clue so I called him back and kept calling with no answer and I texted him and told him Dad if she he needs to go to the hospital don't come here pick me up take her straight to the hospital or call an ambulance meanwhile I'm waiting calling calling no answer no answer no answer so I called my sister no answer again over and over finally my nephew answer the phone and and it says that my mother is okay she had a CAT scan and they found a bleed and they're going to admit her so I'm like oh so she had an appointment today and my sister is there and it seemed like she was kept cutting him off when he first called I'm thinking he took her somewhere and she might have passed out or said or she had pain it was very unclear then I find out that they were at an appointment my sister was there they left the doors unlocked he didn't leave any message or anything and in my heart I knew it was pointless for me to rush there with alcohol on my breath and try to figure out what was going on I knew it would be isolation and not a good thing for me to go there I spoke with the doctor and thank God he gave me information the block that was established at the Hip Center where she gets her care was not there doctor says she's okay she's fine they're going to admit her surgery waiting on surgery consult I've worked in the profession and I know the routine but he assured me she was okay he said she was fine she was asleep and I didn't see any point of me brushing their I felt guilty at first thinking she didn't even come she's a mother for me I called back to see if she had gotten a room and and I I ended up talking with my nephew he said she's okay I told him I would go first thing in the morning and he was like okay I'll call you back I'm sure it was intervention and interception with my sister he never called back and I stopped calling I called back again spoke to the nurse I had spoken to the doctor my mother is fine I'm feeling a little better but I'm upset about everything I'm using my phone to post this I can't even see what being posted have to keep checking but please keep me in prayer with this whole situation and I'd appreciate any feedback about this whole thing I hope everyone is fine and in a good place