The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

Welcome Lolo - coming together is not going to happen when narcs are involved and it is sad to see families fractured. I have largely cut my narc sis out of my life, and there are others here who have done the same. It is a matter of survival. Can you and your bro work together to help your mum? It is sad and we mourn the lack of a cohesive supportive family.

east - again what cm said. Stay home with your own family. Your mother has discarded the idea of anyone else helping her hoping she can emotionally blackmail you into giving her more attention. e.g. the hair washing and foot soaking. Don't fall for it. She can get help there if she needs it. If she chooses to stay with dirty hair so be it.

 Veronica  - you are such a trooper. Yes some one has to  do it and we find our ways to get the essentials done.

Glad - how's the polar vortex in your area?

Feelling the losses this season. R's dad this year, ex mil a couple of years ago, R's mum the year before that, my girlfriend of 40 years the year before that, just before Christmas, and always missing my babes, my youngest son, who brought such joy to our Christmas Day. The older kids were pretty blase' by that time about gifts and stockings, but he was genuinely delighted with every single thing he got - even the dollar store type gifts in his stocking. I miss that.

Well CM I am a little old lady who soldiers on even if bent over using a walker and it may be in your future too. i never thought it would happen to me. Out of necessity I find ways of doing things myself or if I can't wait till my cleaner comes and she is willing to give me a quick wash down as well while she cleans the bathroom.
As my then PCP also married to a Dr remarked. "Drs don't make good nurses" and I can certainly second that. When the orthopedic surgeon who had just replaced left hip a week prior asked me what i was doing when I fell and craked the right one. I told her I had been bending taking stuff out of the washing machine. She asked me why i was doing laundry a week after surgery. "Someone's got to do it"

East... Do you remember, way back, when your mother had a grumble to you about not having a thing to wear and how you went out and bought complete outfits for her and then she just wore what she was going to wear anyway...? I do.

So what should you say when your mother grumbles aloud about not being able to wash her hair or take a bath or use the cooker or the washing machine?

Oh dear.
That's a pity.
Goodness what a nuisance for you.
Even low class people know how to run a bath. I'm told.
So what do better-off people do when they need help?
I didn't know "bourgeois" meant "smelly." Well, well.

But actually, what you should say is just whatever sympathetic-sounding white noise pops into your head. Because these aren't real complaints or real conversations, they're just general ruminations on the adversity of old age - with which we all ought properly to sympathise.

But no we don't inconvenience our daughters and go on a four hour round trip to wash somebody when she has alternative means available to her.

And you have the reassurance that when it really matters, to her, things somehow just fall into place. Don't they? Haven't they always?

She'll get to the foot doctor just fine (thanks to your cousin). She'll enjoy Christmas (thanks to your brother). And even if she isn't aware of them, or they don't feature in her Poor Me narrative, there is a whole safety net of people (thank you visiting nurse) right there keeping an eye on her.

I'm not unsympathetic to your mother, you know, and I'm sorry if I sound it. I have a lot of time for little old ladies who soldier on regardless, and it's easy for me to keep my patience and sense of humour with them because they're not my mother.

But it makes me very sad that you so want her to need you and turn to you. Please wish for something else, like a lovely Christmas with your own lovely family, and your mother safe and coping in her place, where she wants to be, with lots of 'look no hands' support from the visiting nurse and the rest of the network.

dori thx the eye appears to be doing well. The optometrist said my vision was 20/20 but I do see ghost images on print on the tv. if I look with just that eye. With both eyes not so much. Hopefully they will disappear. I will not really know how it all pans out till I get my new glasses mid February. So sorry about your knee pain. I am glad you are going over to BFF's for some fun and that they are good people for you, like your stepmom. That the names are the same is special.

Becky - the plants that have thrived weren't burned but they were exposed to all kinds of toxins which were in the air and the ash from the fire. That is what surprised me. There was a concern about air and soil quality here after the fire and a lot of testing was done. We were finally pronounced within normal range and allowed back. I am sure there is still bad stuff in the soil, but nature has its ways...

trying - Hi teach - cleaning up after a hoarder is a huge task and replacing a commode is hard work. Well done!!! Your mum is narcissistic and you will never do enough, so do what you think/feel is right. Take time for you, let phone calls go to voice mail, enjoy yourself!

cm - hilarious!!!

barb - good solution! I am watching my ivy carefully as I have not been successful with them in the past and I haven't seen them often in the stores here. 

book - it that the same as mimosa? It has leaves which close when you touch them.

Got distracted by "overcooking" my omelet, Ate it anyway.

Hi, sorry about all of my spelling errors, I meant to write "Off the Hook". I was typing too fast. Thanks again.

From Easteagle: Hi All, Hopefully after Xmas, I will have enough time to sit down and read all of your posts over again. I do apologize for not adding any input or advice, but lately I have been feeling overwhelmed with all the craziness and drama that is happening with my Mother and Brother. Well, as it turns out, we will be having some bad weather here, starting late Xmas Eve into Christmas morning. So that totally lets us off the hood, so to speak, about going to my Mother's for Xmas. I have already informed her that we are staying home, both Xmas Eve and Christmas Day, and our three Daughters and their Families will be coming to our house on Xmas Eve during the day. My Mother said she understood the reasons why we do not want to drive 2 hours round trip, and she seemed to be OK with it. But, I know that my Brother and his Wife, and the Cousin who helps to drive my Mother around, and other relatives, will certainly have something to say about us staying home. After hearing the weather reports, it looks like our kids will have to leave earlier than planned to make it home before any bad weather comes in. So we live in the Metro West area of Massachusetts, southwest of Boston. Our 3 Daughters also live near us, in our "neck of the woods." My Mother, Brother, and all my other relatives live on the other side of Boston, on the North Shore. That is how we describe who lives where. "The other side of the Bridge" means that we have to drive through Boston, to get to the North Shore, and vice versa. So, if we had planned on going to my Mother's, we would have ended up having to cancel our plans. I am not sure what time my Brother is returning from Florida, he only said - Xmas Eve. But he didn't tell my Mother what time that would be. So, I would like to ask for your advice, again. I would like to know what I can say to my Mother, IF anything. She is really stressed out trying to figure out how she can wash her hair by herself, and soak her feet by herself. Of course, she can't do any of these things without help, and she has not been able to take a shower, or wash her hair or feet for weeks now. I could get a ride from my youngest Daughter, she could drive me to my Mother's house, and we could help her take a shower, wash her hair and soak her feet. But, I don't think we could keep that up all the time. I was really hoping that my Mother would accept the help from the Elder Services, but she said that they are "too low class for her." So, when she calls me, she complains that she has not been able to wash her hair, or soak her feet, and she is still trying to figure out ways that she might be able to do everything by herself - or not. Now she just told me that she can't use the microwave to bake a potato, when she tries - it does not cook right. The latest is: she can't figure out how to use the oven in her stove, and because my Mother is very short, only 4ft, 10 in., she can't reach the screen anyway which is at the back of the stove. It is still rather new, so it has the screen instead of knobs, and she said my Brother did something to the settings on the stove. So she can only cook on the top of the stove, and now she is not really cooking anyway. She has a foot doctor appointment today, and my Cousin is going to drive her. At first, my Mother thought that the Cousin was not available today, and she planned on going all alone to the Doctor. I am so happy that her Visiting Nurse told her that she absolutely cannot go out by herself. Of course my Mother was going to try to take a cab and go alone. I just want to know, what I can or should say to my Mother, if anything, when she starts to complain about not being able to do these things by herself. I did say to her, "So are you going to get help from the Elders Agency?" and that is when she told me that they are for only for the really poor people, and that they are all low class. So what do you say to someone who thinks like this way? All I can say is, I am so relieved to be staying home for Xmas. My Mother will have her Grandson, wife, and baby visiting her. We plan to visit her right after Xmas, either New Year's Day or the next weekend. Our youngest Daughter, and her Husband, will be driving us there. I will be bringing her more new clothes, etc. She is not able to get downstairs to the basement to use the washing machine, and my Brother has not bothered to install a washing machine upstairs for her, which can be done very easily. So, my Mother ends up without enough clean clothes to wear. So, that is it for now. I Wish all of You - a Wonderful and Peaceful Xmas and Holiday Season. Thanks again.

I knew YEARS ago when my Mom (who now has Alzheimers) told me that she was going to move down the street from my Narcissistic Sister that this dysfunction would happen. There is no pleasing my Sister. The dysfunction that we had before my Mothers diagnosis is only 10X worse now. We are currently estranged... AGAIN. Within the past 7 years we have been estranged 4 years. I was hoping that we could all (Younger brother, Narcissistic Sister and I) could come together as a family to care for my Mom. It isn't happening. Makes me so sad.

Talking about plants... I was listening on the radio during the drive back to work from lunch. A caller was telling his story. Background: Here on island, we have sleeping grass. I always love to show it the young ones (little nieces/nephews age 2). It never fails to amaze me that no other adult has ever shown them these sleeping grasses. I would stop and tell them to watch. I then bend down, and slowly touch the tiny leaves, and it would slowly close. They get a kick out of it and want to try it too. So, off we go, looking for more sleeping grass. (Unfortunately, when you touch one leaf, it triggers the other leaves to close, too.)

Anyway, this caller (local native of our island) was working in the Philippines. He was told to pull out all the weeds. He did. When the boss came back, he was aghast that he pulled out a rare plant. The caller was confused. The boss pointed to the potted plant and said that he pulled out a rare plant. The caller said, "No, you told me to weed, and I did." The boss said that the sleeping plant is rare. It can only be found in XXXXXX (my island's name)... We all started laughing. Those sleeping grasses are all over the island. It's hard to believe that this weed is considered rare...

CM, you've made me laugh! Thank you!

And yes, I have some houseplants.  When they die, I go to Lowe's and buy new ones. :)

Barb, any chance you might hire yourself out? Insurers are refusing cover on land infested with Japanese knotweed or Himalayan balsam; there've been horror stories about giant hogweed; and I'd love you to pop over and have a chat with my bindweed and ground elder, too. Could be a nice little earner for you. You could wear a Judge Doom style costume - the plants would see you coming and shrink whimpering into the undergrowth, like the toons in 'Who Framed Roger Rabbit?'...

Sitting here reading the latest posts has made me laugh and cry. We have to find some humor or we will go mad!

I have had a somewhat productive day. I boxed up most of the remaining hoard and a local charity is picking it up in the morning. It will be such a relief for it to be gone! And it was a warm 70 degrees in Georgia today so working in the shop was comfortable! Cold weather really makes me hurt all over.

After the charity picks up the stuff. I'm helping my FIL do some cleaning to get ready for company this weekend. That will Be a breeze compared to what I'm used to doing and I do love spending time with him. He has been like a second dad all these years.

My mom called me this morning asking what I was doing. I had to go buy a new commode for one of the bathrooms because it has never flushed correctly, poor design. So I explained to her I had to go to Lowe's and run a few errands then get the stuff ready for the charity to pickup. Plus I had to go to the funeral home tonight because a childhood friend of my father had passed away. And then she pouts, "Well I thought you were coming to visit today". I visited Thursday, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday. I never said I was visiting today. My last day of school was Tuesday, I'm a teacher. I have spent most of my time off since summer break (and used several of my sick days) either cleaning, visiting, taking her to appointments, or handling her business. So I tell her I have a chiropractor appointment in town Friday and I'll come by when I'm done. Then I get the well what do you need to go to a chiropractor for? She thinks they're "quacks". I was going every couple of months before she got sick over the summer, but haven't had time since that and that's exactly what I told her. I know she's annoyed and/or pouting still because she didn't call me this evening. We already had to have a discussion about doing her laundry just once a week when I visited Monday and returned the clothes I washed. Every couple of days she is telling me she is almost out of clean house dresses. So as I was putting the clean ones in the small chest of drawers I counted them and she has 20!!!! And all of them are in great shape. I tell her how many she has and she says she didn't know they were in there. Bull! She pulls from all 4 drawers because if she didn't at least 1 would be empty. I'm putting a stop to the little games and manipulation. I've had enough.

I will visit her while I'm off, but i have a long list of things that need doing around the house. First of which is installing a new commode. However, I'm taking a day or two for me. On those days I'm going to be completely lazy and read or maybe watch The Walking Dead reruns. And limited phone conversations!

Thanks for the laughs and prayers for all of you to stay strong get through this life one day at a time.

Barb, That is totally skilled gardening to be able to kill mint. And to be recognized by a botanical garden, no less! I salute you.

In Maine, they burn off the wild blueberry fields every other spring to make them produce better.

It's funny....they have a somewhat common last name, but sometimes I think it's not a coincidence that my BFF's family has the same last name as my stepmom's family!

golden - how is your eye doing post-surgery? Been wondering about that!

Barb - I have to admit....I didn't know it was possible to kill mint. Sorry, but I'm giggling. ;-)

Today was a bust because my knee injury is flaming in pain (it snowed yesterday). So I wound up just coming back here and napping while mom was at dialysis. We had just enough time to stop at M&M meats on the way home, before home support arrived. I picked up the spareribs and some stuffed potatoes, some Nanaimo bars....and a box of buttercream/chocolate dessert bars that I hid in the back of the freezer just for me!!

'Tis the season to eat my feelings, fa la la la, la la la la!

Also I just finished making plans with BFF that I'll go there after dinner on Christmas day, regardless of whether bro is here that day. And I'm not going back on it. Bro can spend the evening with mom if he's here. And I can spend some time with mom during the day, and still see BFF's grandbabies for a little bit, and then play games and chillax with my friends. I don't think I'll survive Christmas if I have to spend all of it with my own family, lol!

barb I gather you have a "brown" thumb lol. Unkillable plants are good in any garden. Do you have indoor plants in your apartment? I have 20 in the house now and just transplanted an ivy, and exchanged positions (north-south windows) of two plants in hopes they will do better. I am going to jump in on eyerishlass's thread to respond to your post there.

becky - another one of those mysteries of life. I had a lilac sprout up in a rose bed and left it there as I wanted one anyway. Donated by a bird no doubt. It is big enough to flower now, though it didn't this year. Some plants liked the massive forest fire we had last spring and some didn't. I think you were not on board here when our whole city was evacuated due to a forest fire, May 2016. Some plants have thrived afterwards to my surprise. The hostas, roses and junipers liked it. Mountain ash too. For dinner chicken is great and nice for Pam. She sounds like a trooper.

Golden, I don't how, but I had mint on one side of thriveway. It sprung up in a hens and chickens pot on the other side of driveway. Double concrete drive. I love the smell of mint. I have it on back side of my house at the lake. It never spreads to the lakeside. We're having a big buffet on Christmas Eve. Christmas Day I think I'll do the fried chicken. It's easy enough and everyone likes it. Pam says she can still taste that meal. She's on a med that has affected her taste. She is diving into Christmas. Her first one without her husband and ill on top of that. Everyone have a nice evening. It's snowing again and cold.

Golden, they sold me the liriope as it is unkillable. Apparently, places like BBG have "special" plants that they sell to folks like me. Probably a good thing that I live in an apartment now!

becky I grew it along the foundation on the north side of the house in a shady spot where it could spread all it liked and it did. We treated it like a weed in the lawn. After, I wondered if keeping it in a pot would contain it. Fresh mint is lovely. Good for Pam for baking. Dinner ideas - turkey???? ham???? Ham was our Christmas Eve meal, turkey our Christmas Day dinner. Kids always seem to like fried chicken and mashed potatoes. My oldest son wanted that and peas for his birthday for years.

barb - LOL You have a reputation now! The mint killer! That's funny. I love liriope but have never lived anywhere warm enough to grow it.

Becky, when I first moved to Brooklyn and had a garden, I planted mint the first Spring.

The next Spring, I went back to the plant sale at the Brooklyn Botanic Gardens and asked to buy more mint, as I'd killed the previous batch. One plant lady looked at the other and said "she killed mint".

Their significant glances and sighs told me that I was a marked woman at that institution. I bought some liriope (it's still there, 30 years later and I no longer own the house) and called it a day!

Golden, I've never had any luck keeping mint under control without resorting to black plastic. But I do love fresh mint.

Everyone's talk of dinners and I haven't made many plans yet. Jay is doing prime rib; not my favorite. Twins want fried chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy, green beans and biscuits. Pam is baking pies. Maybe I'll get inspired.

Never had pease pudding at boarding school, Veronica, nor tapioca pudding. Lots of marmite and heels of bread though.

Roast lamb with mint sauce was my mother's favourite meal for entertaining people for dinner. It was my job to go out and pick the mint and chop it. None of the jellied stuff in those days. For years I had mint in my garden here. The problem was keeping it under control. I had a major landscaping job done and lost it all, as well as my rhubarb. which I still miss. 😞

Just got a call from the insurance people over the dispute we started over the claim -nosey sob trying to find out stuff which as already been settled that he can use against us, or intimidate us with. I kept telling him to call R who has more of some of that info than I have, and finally got testy with him. What a snake!!! Made excuses, excuses and excuses. I don't want to hear his "poor us" story about dealing with the number of claims they had. Just deal with the issues we have now. Aaaargh!!!

Stomach is settling down. I am soaking black beans to make black bean and lime soup tomorrow. May add a bit of chili to it. Mmmmm good!

Golden didn't you get fed "Peas pudding" at your Boarding school. It was the right era. We were fed this muck on a regular basis. One of my other hates was tapioca pudding (frogs spawn)

I too really enjoy cauliflower cheese, hubby on the other hand is a meat fan. His Dad was associated with the Smithfield meat market in London for many years. There was always meat of the highest quality on their dinner table.
My absolute favorite is roast lamb with mint sauce. I could not find it in the US when we first came but once we had horses and would ride through wet land I would small it so a few roots came home and we were never short again.

pamz - never had mashed peas, aka mushy peas. I like green peas, but have never made them with cheese. Sounds OK to me.

glad - cauliflower cheese (any kind of cheese) - love it. One of my latest faves is mashed cauliflower, like mashed potatoes. You can add garlic, onion, cheese or whatever, and it is low carb, lower calorie, and freezes well.

dori - happy memories of birthday mac and cheese! I had Velveeta as a child too. :)

duck so many emotions, memories and worries about your mother. I am glad that she was found safe and sound, but I share your concern about your sis not providing properly for her. You may have to take it further. So glad that your friend is helpful now and the two of you can get along. I hope your therapy sessions can get set up soon. Support always feels good, Merry Christmas to you too.

ali - methinks slow down will not happen soon, and maybe never, unless I go the way mother is going, and then it will be my kids' problem. Hope you get a great PCP and she helps you figure out your health issues. Blood sugar levels relate to diet, exercise and stress. We have control over diet and exercise, and some over stress. Sleep is another issue, the lack of which causes stress and messes up many things. I think a sleep study is a great idea. Your holiday plans sound good. I hope your visit and the new year are peaceful for you.

Lab results show my thyroid is a little high and I can feel it. If the doc's office doesn't call, I will make an appointment to get a lower dose.

Hair and nail appointments are made for next week. My stomach is touchy, so I don't want to go out too much. I actually went off coffee and chocolate for a day. My remedy for stomach ailments is baked beans and other legumes. The theory, according to moi, is that they help the good bugs to grow, and it seems to work. I feel better today. Pea soup for lunch!

Quite cold here today but, it is supposed to be up to the positive single digits this afternoon. Anything above minus 25 is a bonus. The forecast is showing decent winter weather into January. Yay!!!

Madge ~ Great to hear about your mom getting some recovery from the sepsis. :-)

Golden ~ What would you do if Life ever slowed down for you? :-) You could write quite the book, I think.

Hey everybody ~ The talk about Christmas dinners is nice. The porridge drawer is a new idea to me. Doesn't sound too terrible to me. I would think the porridge would taste like whatever you put with it - salt, butter, sugar, etc.

I'm working a lot of hours doing the rideshare driving plus staying busy with all the other odds & ends projects I'm working on. I called to set up appointment with, hopefully, my new PCP in this area. I need to talk to her about everything that's happened with my health in past 5 years and the lingering problems. If nothing else, I want a doc to give me input on how to monitor my blood sugar levels better. And a sleep study would be SOMETHING towards understanding why my sleep can be so strange. I think my daily headaches are because of the problems with sleep, but honestly I'm not certain. Soooooo... I'm still having symptoms almost daily. Some days I feel "surely I am improving" and then I won't sleep that night for no apparent reason, or I'll have a very bad headache for hours that doesn't improve with NSAIDs, and then I think I'm falling apart again. ;-) I don't care what the actual problems are, I just want to manage the symptoms better and have more focus and energy. I can't keep having a couple of days a week where I'm feeling lousy to the point that I'm barely functioning, so here's to hoping a new doctor will have some input for me.

I'll drive a few hours down to my brother's house sometime this Friday, I think, and stay for a week and see friends in the area for the New Year's. I've done some thinking about how to keep family interactions from going negative this holiday season. I think this will be a relatively calm year. I COULD BE WRONG. lol But no, I think things will be more even keel for many reasons, lots of small and big changes I've made during the past years as I was learning more about how to stop dysfunction both within myself and coming from others, and now I'm out from under the issues related to caregiving.  That in and of itself makes everything more calm, because no one will be asking me questions about "what's going on."  Those "tell us everything about (dad's) health and the house situation" conversations NEVER seemed to go well. lol   And, my bro's kids are older, so there isn't as much run-around chaos as there used to be.  Just all around, I'm picturing a pretty chill holiday week.  

I took some cold medicine to clear my sinuses and it's kicking in. Good night!! (((((Hugs))))) to all of you.

Okay one more thing please. My old friend has been so very supportive. He had been calling a lot since last time my mother wandered. He was right there. I was in a very emotionallt abusive relationship with him for a very long time. There is nothing left for him in my heart. But I have stepped in and helped him out at times in past. he was dislocated from his apartment of over 40 years due to this real estate boom in NYC buildings are being bought and renoveated and sold for millions and rents are skyrocketing. Anyways he got this lovely apartment, with balcony and he was just offereing to me to come there and cook my sunday dinners anytime I want. I was grateful and then today I was able to ask him to go see if my mother was found or what was going on. I went through a lot with him. I was glad and felt good that I could call and he would be right there. Even if he knows"we" are done. It meant a lot that I could call and he went right over there to check for me. So its not all bad going on, that little bit of good outshines the bad. The support felt good.

I was almost caught up. I had wanted to make a joke about how my little christmas tree was gone and probably in one of the shopping carts. By the way she took shopping cart with her on this trip. and she has them loaded. I mean loaded. I started going through one looking for the tree plant and came accross a lot of stinky old stuff. Every week I try to empty out a bag or two and toss when I go to laundry.
Well I'm on my way to another book so I will stop. Here.

I do realize there are so many out there with problems worst than my own. My heart goes out to everyone in pain and turmoil. After tonight I wont be back on line until maybe chirstmas I am still in my right mind (lol) but not really lol.

So Merry Christmas to you all. Wish you much love and joy.

Merry Christmas

Hi all. I had a little melt down today. I came in fed my mother, mopped hallway and went to bed happy that tonight was my last night before christmas. I came down to feed my mother and noticed door was open. There is a two way lock on door to keep my mother in. First I look for is the meals on wheel, the bag is not there. I assumed my nephew and or sister took her somewhere. I am out of the loop with her care, have no access to her information as deemed by my sister and they never tell me where or if they are going anywhere. So I automatically assume she is with them. Anyways I opened gate to see if I had package and then went on to get dressed for work. While on train my nephew called. He never calls not for years. Ask if my mother is with me. I say no I thought she was with yall. Maybe she with your mother. He says he is calling and when I call back I am told she is not. so now my mother is missing. I boo hoo almost for an hour. I know I locked door! This is my fault!! where is my mother. I hadnt cried like that since I took train home the night my grandmother died in hospital. (By the way my mother nor my sister came to hospital as she was dying) Anyways aafter Neph tells me she not with twister. I keep calling to see if she was found police called all the good stuff. Meanwhile I am halfway to work. I could not abandon that responsibility and not call. After I am cried out. I realize its nothing much I could actually do. I had called my friend to go to house to see if she was found as my sister nor my nephew would answere my calls. He says my twisteer was standing on corner and Millie a neighbor who was close to my mother. He didnt know if they had called police but he and millie went looking for her. He came back to house my sister was upstairs he asked her if she had called police and she says for what. I had asked him to stay thinking the police call had been made. Meanwhile I was calling precinct but they kept telling no missing person was reported from my address. Any way later on my nephew called and said they had found her. I asked him if he had been by earlier. I gave a vaugue answer. I was also very grateful he called and thanked him as he was not answereing my calls nor my sister. At that time I was waiting for a relieef and really upset that no one reported my mother missing and that this was a headups for everyone that she needs a home attendant. Naturrally I blamed my self but I make sure o lock that door. My nehew or myself could have accidently left it unlocked. I dont know. Anyway I sent my sister a text, locking the doors, cutting off gas to stove is not the way to address dementia. She needs a home attendant. I was on my way home to call and make report and with that I was going take legal action to take over care if my sister had not called police. All I know is a report was not filed or called in at my precinct. I practicalyly begged for the task force number or a seargent as they found my mother right away the wait was waiting for them to repspond and it took three calls before they came. I am thinking by the time I get to work there would be some word with my nephew being a member of the force with to promotion I dont know searggent or luitenant but with some type of pull to put things in motion. When I worked EMS we always got notice to look for thisw or that type of car or person while riding that waa stolen or missing and the area.

Anyway I text my sister. It will probably be erased. I said most of the things on my hear t and informed her she made herself legally responsible for my mothers care and locking her in and turning off gas to stove is not a proper way to care for her thatshe needs a homeattendant and if she doesnot get one soon things will change legally.

I hate making that statement. I told her to take a good look at herself. Her animosity towards me is only hurting her and my mother (well me too but I wont admit that to her) In fact this is first I am letting her know I am aware that she is legally incharge of my mother care due to health care proxy. I found out when I call my catching them on a visit to doctor. Got there late and was told they could give me noinformation the doctor couldnt talk to me and I could not get infor on appts, That was a shock and painful. She hass no clue my mother needs to be spoon fed. She still leaves bread and packs of sandwich meat and a tomatoe in fridgge like my mother is able to say I feel like a sandwich and fix it. I am so frustrated. I dont know where my text is going to lead. I am honestly mentally and emotionally exhuasted. I dont really want to take thing to another level but realisticly I may have to as my mother is not getting any better.

Boy, I wish my therapy was in place. I will call the counselor I just talk to about this also. I thank God she is safe. I know this road is going to get really rocky.+So I think all my frustrations and fears came to a head and came pouring out.
I know this is a book and worthy to be a whine.

My stepmom LOVED her Velveeta. We (me and my step-siblings) used to make fun of her "plastic cheese loaf" when we were kids, but I swear....her mac and cheese was the best. I used to ask for it as a grown up, when she'd ask me what I wanted for birthday dinner, lol.

Peas and Velveeta? UGH. Mom used to melt Velveeta over cauliflower then I thought it was yummy. But then ex called it floor scraping cheese. Ugh!

Golden that polar vortex is heading this way. Please do what you can to divert it. I guess unusually warm fall is now gone for good. Brrrrr!

I have had mashed peas in both Ireland and Scotland,, not my most favorite dish. But I live with a hubs who's mother made "cheese peas",, the only way he would eat them. Peas with melted Velveeta cheese on them! And we still make them!