notrydoyoda Posted January 2012
The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?
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"I can't keep calm, my family is crazy."
"A toxic person only changes their victims, never themselves."
🥚🥚🍳🍳
“Your life may feel like it’s scrambled, but take it in stride and everything will go over easy.”
“Families tend to cater to the most dysfunctional person in the family as a way to keep the peace.”
"Not only are you right, I wish I was smart enough to take your advice."
"I love animals. When's the last time you were loved just for walking through a door? Dogs do this all the time."
"People who eat loads of food and never gain weight, I hate you."
“It’s better to be disowned, than to be owned.”
"Please don't disturb my peace if you're at war with yourself."
"Replacing my heart with another liver so I can drink more and care less."
“Keep calm and carry a wand.”
“Never let others dull your sparkle.”
Maybe take a look at each med and observe whether they’re adding to the problem.
Also how we feel during the day depends a lot on what kind of people surround us. As caregivers, we’re often stuck spending lots of time with very negative, difficult LOs.
Yesterday, I wrote to my sleep doctor via MyChart.
“I'm not doing better. I only slept for 5 hours last night and it was a major struggle to get out of bed to get to the bathroom. I ate breakfast, took my meds, and went back to bed. I got up to go to a wound doctor appointment and when I got home, went straight to bed. Hours later, I went out to pick up some take-outs. For some reason, I missed the turn to go in front of the sign where you order and went into the area behind it where the back door is. When I got home, I was ready to order groceries online, but could not find the flyers. I looked and looked. Finally, I went to my car and they were in the front seat. I don't even remember taking them out there. Furthermore, my balance has been poor. ”
Today, my sleep doctor called me in response. He said that I am sleep deprived plus have other issues that require a neurologist which I told him that I already have an appointment with. Duh, I knew that I have had sleep deprivation for months. At least, he had the professionalism to say I needed a neurologist. This is a neurological disorder. My goodness!
I do appreciate him making the effort to respond by phone. Hardly any doctor does that today.
Well, my conclusion is, that I have the rest of May, plus all of June & July to continue to live like this until August 1st when I hope the neurologist does something that helps.
Thanks for listening!
This is true . I wish I had moved to safety sooner, rather than trying to fulfill other dysfunctional family member’s expectations .
Her hub emailed me a few times - last time to say "Why not bury the hatchet?" My only thought was that the hatchet was buried many times - in my back. No more!!!
Sure enough within the month mother writes both of us that she is dying because her liver is failing, In fact her liver was fine for he rest of her life - about another 10 years. That was when I stopped sharing medical info with sis. I did notice that the one thing she didn't pass on to mother was the BPD diagnosis. She just brushed that aside saying "Oh, mother has a few emotional problems but nothing serious". Right!!!
Sorry your mum is looking frail,. It's hard seeing them decline. Hope this week is better.
boj - some good ones! One thing I have learned to do - and this works for telephone scams as well as toxicity is ask the person to repeat what they said - then ask them to repeat it again. And then say it back to them "Did you say..."
By that time it has lost its power.
"Know the difference between being patient and wasting your time."
"You gotta stop watering dead plants."
"Wow, you're really killing it with the bullying recently, everyone's been really impressed."
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“You’re just jealous.”
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“You will never die of brain cancer.”
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“What is your age? Just wondering.”
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When somebody says, “Do you know who my father is?” Just reply, “Why? Your mom didn’t tell you?”
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“Looks like someone hasn’t been to Paris in a while.”
okey-dokey, off i go and do some foolish things.
"Be someone who makes you happy."
"Know when to give up and have a margarita."
"A toxin-free life is so liberating."
They are very good at convincing others that they have been wronged, while you stand by and think "What did I do to cause this?" And find yourself without fault in this particular case.
My only solution has been to accept how it is - the leopard's spots don't change - and distance myself for protection. it has taken me a long long while to get there,
Know that we know you didn't act as she has said. Hopefully learn something about your relationship with her and protect yourself from future troubles.
I have experienced some of what you did with regard to the mold issue and am very wary of doctors as a result of that and other things I've come up against. So I understand. I've learned to trust my guts and do a lot of research about any health issues I have. Wish it were not so, but it is.
Take care of you ali, always.
Many hugs (((((((❤))))))))
I don’t blame you one bit for being frustrated. You have been through a lot. Not to mention, that you have cared for your wife as well.
Sending hugs, love, support and prayers your way.
It sure is exhausting to go through these medical procedures on top of a wrong diagnosis 20 plus years ago that put me on disability, etc. Frankly, I feel like I've been a guinea pig for the medical world. That does not make me very happy. :(
Today, saw this:
There is a proverb that says Until the story of the hunt is told by the lion, the tale of the hunt will always glorify the hunter. The person who holds the narrative holds the power. Until now, we have only told the story of the hunter. Books about narcissism tend to talk about narcissists. We are deeply curious about these charming people who seem to get away with so much bad and hurtful behavior with so few consequences. We are compelled to understand why they are ostensibly so successful and why they do what they do. As much as we may not like narcissism, we glorify people with these personality styles—they are our leaders, heroes, entertainers, and celebrities. Unfortunately, they are also our parents, partners, friends, siblings, children, bosses, and neighbors.
But what about the lion? What about the person whom the hunter goes after or harms?
Dr. Ramani in her book: "It's Not You"
I hope that Yoda will find the answers that he needs. It’s exhausting to go through medical procedures.
And this is why doctors refer to treating a patient as “practicing medicine.” Right?
Many situations aren’t clear cut black and white issues. There are so many gray areas in medicine.
I remember my fertility specialist telling me this. I struggled for years to have a baby.
My fertility specialist said that I was one for the text books. He called his professor at his university to help, and another fertility specialist to assist him.
He said that he felt that he learned all there was to know in med school and quickly discovered that wasn’t the case.
He felt that he learned so much more after he began his practice and dealt with so many challenges. Then, he said after dealing with my case, he decided to study further.
They asked me for permission to film my four hour long surgery for med students. I agreed, because I felt that if I could help with the progression of treating infertility, then I would.
I had three specialists and a group of med students in my operating room.
My doctor was honest and said to me, “We are practicing medicine. We don’t always have immediate answers to every problem.
I have patients who view their doctors as mechanics. They look at their bodies, like we look at our cars, thinking they can simply bring their bodies in to be repaired, like we do when we take our car to the mechanic.
Our bodies are complex and sometimes we have to explore many different directions before coming to a decision on how to proceed.”
Anyway, after many years of trying, my doctor finally told me that I was most likely never going to be able to conceive a child.
I was on the strongest fertility meds. At one point, the nurse overdosed me with meds and I almost died.
I had three unsuccessful in vitro fertilizations. I went through major surgery for endometriosis and so on.
I finally decided to get off of the highly emotional infertility roller coaster. We adopted our first child.
Then, seven years later, without any assistance from any fertility specialist, I got pregnant!
We are proud parents of two beautiful daughters.
Doctors are brilliant people but there are situations, where they struggle to find solutions or even identifying the issues.
I felt like a Guinea pig too when I was trying to have a child.
I truly hope that your doctor will be able to figure out what is going on and help you with your situation.
Wishing you peace as you continue on this journey.