The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

The accident update:) Long post but not much new.
All quiet on the friend front. E texted my husband that she is waiting for insurance to contact her about adjuster checking her car out. Car was towed to E's house by insurance company so that she is not paying daily storage fees at insurance lot...so she has her wrecked car backed into her driveway behind her house waiting.... My hope is that code compliance doesn't drive by....No calls or texts over weekend for assistance of any kind. Response of "we're fine, bruised but fine" on phone call last Friday and nothing over weekend. So I am waiting *shrug*. E has appt with doctor on Wednesday pre-set before all this for colonoscopy. I've told her I can drop her off at 6 am, her Mom can wait with her, and I'll pick up after my morning work shift is done at noon. I can't cancel more work at morning part time job - the afternoon part time job canceled my Thursday and Friday shifts after I called in Wednesday for E's accident and her mom's trip to ER. I was offered a diet DP as a "tip" for leaving work, canceling shift, driving to doctor and ER on last Wednesday. Oh, and hugs from Mom (not E). However, I can't pay gas bills, son's bills, etc. on hugs. E stated on phone call to check in Thursday that she thought they'd see me in person to check on them. However, my morning job gave me 2 extra hours on Thursday and Friday because the manager found out my afternoon job canceled. He felt sorry for me and my financial situation with son at college and my own furnace and A.C. replacements having to be paid for. I told E I took the extra hours and she repeated that they thought I'd come by to check on them in person and see if they needed anything. The no call is the narc punishment, but this is where my boundaries come in. I understand E is freaked about money, but so am I. Aren't we all in this economy??
My gold standard is helping my sister with her knee surgery 4 years ago. My sis paid for plane ticket, gas and food while I stayed with her for 3 days, and my missed money for PT job while I was there so I was not out of pocket. So I know that boundaries can be respected. And it's my responsibility to enforce them. So I'll keep ya posted - but no grocery trip requests were actually made after I informed E and her mom on Thursday that I'd go shop for them to fill a list with a credit card, or pick up order placed and paid online, but I was not available for their usual weekend 3 hour aisle by aisle stall crawl. No subsequent requests or calls afterward.

I have been off for a while. Acutually I miss you all and think about AC daily. Just dont have the energy to catch up and keep up.
Golden so glad your sleep situation is improved. Good exercise has great benefits. When I was not working I did a lot of walking and felt good. Was too tired to let dynamics stress me too much. LOL

Stacey its so sad, the dynamics with your husband and his brother. I dont know how it affects him, but I get teary eyed and wishful when I see sibblings just being together even the children playing. I think its the parents who set the relationship.

I have to catch up. I have been having to spoon feed my mother and I am so glad that our relatiohship is "normal". There is no vindictivness, spite, or ugliness. Its so nice and I guess its par for the cause. she hardly eats, I have to walk behind her to feed her on the most times. When I am off I get her to sit and talk to tv while I cook.

Here is the amazing? thing. I have had a lifelong history of being told by my mother and sister I dont do anything, and never did. So now my sister is singing that song. sounds just like my mother. its a form of denial but it still hurts. So much so that because I was stressing as I did, I stepped back and let her see what I am not doing so to speak. She doesnt have a clue. Does nothing. I didnt clean fridge now for about 3 weeks, well a little damage control. Just as I am realizing I am going to have to do it anyway "Duh" becuase my sister doesnt even realize the need (I start to babble) anyways my mother cleaned the shelves in fridge, spilt milk dried, syrup I was amazed. She also mopped floor said it was too filthy. So stuff kicks in. This week though I have to do the floors and bathroom. I just have too. Im fooling my self becuase it needs to be done. I just realize I dont have to do it because of demand and even if its temporary at least my mother is back to doing chores. Its good, keeps her busy.

My other thing is that she is locked in so she cant take out her trash like she usually did. I usually take a bag and stuff out fridge and junk accumulating around house and throw it out in street cans when I go do my laundry.

I also notice my mother is on something to make her sleep. I have no Idea what, but she was sleep like a baby when I left for work which is unusual. The last few weeks she is knocked out when I get home in the morning and I feed her when I leave out.

I am wondering what its going to be like when I get off. This morning is was constant bamming on the door "lets go" or come open this door. I tell her to go to her daughter upstairs. It does something to my nerves when she bams on door. I try to ignore and direct her to my sister instead of me being harrassed constantly. When it wasnt the dementia its was spiteful stuff like turn off the tv or light with the bamming.

At night now, I see my sister turns out the light on her floor. When I moved in my mother controlled the light on my floor. I learned not to depend on it. She had a string that hung down to her floor and when that broke she would go to my sisters floor to turn it on. I wasnt worthy of a light.

So my mother treats me normal now. She is not eating and my sister is carrying my mother's torch. So I leave stuff alone and let her deal with it. I just make sure my mother eats. Its sad to see 4 bottles of mayonaise, ham and boloney stuck inbetwenn shevles and rotting tomatoes in plastic bags. How are you caring for someone when you just pick up stuff and dont monitor how its used or if its used? The sad thing is that my twister is unable to see herself, She puts on the helmet and just runs no goal no aim only just because she has the ball. Then blames me for the aftermath. Like my mother.
I have ordered her some drinks. she does do the ensure. I am thinking of trying to make some kind of smoothie with her food. Its really hard to get her to eat. My twister leave the macd breakfast and she packs it with her other stuff.
]The other night she bams on door and demands I take two bags. I was scared but eventually went through them. Clothees and damp stuff was so rancid I just threw them out.
I have to lay back or I will go crazy. I will do a good clean this week because the holiday week I will be on for 5 12hrs shifts as people have familys to share love with over the holidays.
I wish it was like that with this family. My son is in Korea, I miss them also. Anyways, Rays of love and peace to all.

Golden, I will try the squats modified. I want to also do a floor exercise we call donkey kicks. Get on all fours, lift one leg up doing sets of 10 or more. Repeat with other leg. It is suppose to help with butt and lower back muscles.

Glad, sorry to hear about ex. I’m glad you enjoyed the family, a year for the baby. She is doing well since surgery.

Stacey, good your hubby is home and saw with his own eyes. Confirms everything and now time to put it all behind him!

Upset, good luck with the eye treatments, it sounds like it will be very helpful. Hoping your kidneys hold steady.

I am using raw, local honey to see if it will help with allergies. I figure with the natural antibiotics and antifungal properties, it certainly won’t hurt.

East, the holiday food shopping only becomes a real problem if and when your brother does agree to take your mother to get it. Which he may not do. But to close down that potential risk, call your brother and tell *him* that you although haven't broken the news to her yet you will certainly not be going to mother's house for Thanksgiving. That way he will know that your mother doesn't need to get in supplies and can make sure that she doesn't go to the expense and trouble - he won't need to say "they're not coming" but he can continue to put off the shopping trip 'pending final catering headcount' so to speak.

But you know, I think you should treat your mother with the same courtesy you'd extend to any other "hostess" (granted that most hostesses don't expect their guests to do all the cooking and clearing up!) and let her know as soon as possible that you've made other plans.

Put it this way. "Mother, we're spending Thanksgiving with Daughter this year." Rather than, "Mother, we're not coming to you for Thanksgiving." Same facts, still true, but not leading with the rejection - you see?

sharyn - a little practice wth the squats and you would be able to get up unaided. Don't go all the way down till your legs are stronger.You need to use your back muscles as well as your thighs.

Hi east - I think you are being very realistic deciding you can't go to your mum's and do all that cooking. Nor likely can she do all that shopping. The condition of her legs sounds worrisome, but she won't comply with the visiting nurses to treat them. Good luck with telling her and stay firm. I am afraid that she will have another health episode soon and land in hospital again. Nothing you can do about it. It is good that the nurses are visiting.

stacey - hope Bb stops with the phone calls, You and hub don't need it.

upset - I hope your kidney function stays good for a while too. It is great that you have insurance now to cover the costs of treatment. Do slow down and relax more. 

guest - look after you and keep us updated in your friend and her mum. That is a disaster waiting to happen.

glad - boy, time flies. Baby's first birthday!!! I am sorry about your ex's diagnosis. The vision issues could be part of it. Good that you had a nice time with kids and grands. They grow up fast.

Increased my dose of resveratrol and been sleeping more which is probably good. Hope it continues.

Take care all - be good to you.

East, good luck. We had one last holiday meal for Easter at mom's house before she and L moved to a facility. I knew it was the last time for a holiday in her home and am very happy we did that. And I did all the work. Just something to think about. Do what feels right to you.

Had a nice day today with my kiddos and grands. Baby's first birthday. Gosh time goes fast. Party was at ex's as son and dil do not have enough space for the 16 people that were there. It was nice to be together. Found out ex was diagnosed with MS about six months ago. Kids did not tell me anything. Evidently he has been having trouble with a lazy foot for about nine years. His doc retired and he got a new doc that ordered the proper tests. Ex has had vision issues for about 25 years, maybe that was the start of it. This type of MS is usually diagnosed when someone is in their 30's. Sad.

I once dated a man with MS and with a flare up became a real AH!

East, Holidays are so stressful. You and your husband are right in not going to do all the work and making the decision to spend the day with your family. Good luck with telling her.

Hugs, East Eagle. Nothing stirs up elder nonsense like the holidays! Be strong.

Hi All. Independent Parents: I don't know what to think anymore. I have been talking to my Mother (on the phone - as usual) and she has been (repeatedly) making it clear as to why she will never move to AL. The Visiting Nurse had brought some info to her about AL, and when my Mother saw how much it would cost, she said she would never pay that much, but she is still complaining about all the things she has trouble doing now, and that she has no one who is willing to help her, etc, etc. I still have not told her that we will not be going to her house for Thanksgiving this year, I don't have the courage to break this news to her - yet, and I know it will be horrible when I finally tell her. I have been asking her questions, to get a better idea of how she thinks she can do all of the shopping and cooking that she plans on doing. (She can't do it all alone, so she would need our help, meaning my husband and I would have to get to her house very early in the morning, which we are not planning to do.) So, she just tried to put a frozen pie in her oven, but realized that she can't lift it with one hand. She has to hold on to her walker with both hands, and, she just saw her PCP who told her NOT to try to do any of these things by herself. But, my Mother will not listen. So now, she still has the problem of fluid in her legs, and, she told me today that she is supposed to put her legs up each day for a minimum of 3 hours (I am sure they told her to put them up longer), but she told me today that she can't possibly do that. She is still staying up all night, falls asleep in her chair (in front of the TV) around 3:00am and wakes up at 4:00am and that is it for sleeping. So, the latest is this: she was sleeping in her chair, and somehow she scraped both legs on the coffee table and these scrapes have not healed yet. As I mentioned, she has her chair right up to the TV, which is on a low coffee table, and she puts her legs under this table. So while she was sleeping she somehow managed to scrape the skin off the front of both legs. The Visiting nurses have been coming, but at the latest visit - the nurse said she was very concerned that her skin is not healing. All of this going on, and my Mother still wants to have everyone at her house for Thanksgiving and wants to have all the Traditional food, PLUS the Italian food for my Brother, because that is the only food that he will eat. So today, I found out that my Mother wants my brother to take her food shopping to get all of this food, and also Christmas Shopping, but he has not agreed to take her. On the other hand, my Mother does not seem to realize that she can't walk very well at all, and does not care about the condition of her legs - both the edema, and the cuts that wont heat. So, if my Husband and I had agreed to go to her house and do all of the cooking, I can see that all of the work would fall to us. I just can't bear the idea of having to do all of that work by ourselves. I will be breaking the news to her, I know that I should have told her months ago. It seems that my Mother is hanging on to the idea of everyone being there, no matter what. I am really dreading all of this, but I know I have to tell her. Wish me Luck !!

Stacey, Enjoy your weekend with your husband. BIL is in the rear view mirror!!!!

Way to go Stacey!!

Hubby is home, and happy to be so, we're all happy too!

Just as I suspected, Bb started calling here today, while hubby was in route to home, but I let his calls go to voice mail. I don't want to talk to him, and listen to his excuses as to why he ghosted my husband for 4 1/2 days he was there, waiting around and listening to excuse after excuse! Hubby has no intention of talking to him for a while I'm sure, he's sick of the entire mess that is his brothers life!

I'm just glad this is behind us, lesson learned, that said, hubby just had to see it with his own eyes, and now he has. I'm glad he lives 800+ miles away! The End!

Thanks for letting me Vent these past few days! You guys are Awesome!  Stace 

Guest, Good to hear about your Mom's treatments. Insurance company has approved the treatments for my eyes. I have a $30.00 co-pay. Not looking forward to them, but necessary. My vision is starting to get worse.

I've made the decision, that when the times comes for dialysis, I'm going to have the slower New Zealand style treatments at home. They take twice as long, but they are easier on your system and life expectancy is longer. New Zealand style also lowers risk of heart attack and stroke. I hope my kidney function numbers will hold steady and it will be awhile before I have to start dialysis treatment.

Thanks again for support, all my fellow caregivers. I am being quite careful to structure help as to not enable. It’s another example of folks that are failing and should be in a more supported environment. E has said she will never leave her house. I am not willing to sacrifice myself or my finances to make it happen. She and her mother should downsize to apartment with no maintenance but have 3 dogs and 2 cats in a 2 story house with an upstairs crammed full and seldom visited. I was frustrated and I am sad. E is depressed and takes meds, but won’t seek counseling. She has a masters and worked at psych hospital for over 25 years so she is the expert needing no help. Sigh. Just a situation that I am trying to slow down the crises, knowing no one can prevent them. E’s mom is the closest person to mother I’ve got and she is truly good. I’m watching to see mom is not snatched up or taken advantage of by outsiders. I can’t help their codependent dynamic while both are living. Just a reminder to document and downsize for our own lives. Again, thanks cyber supporters.
Upset, mom takes treatments for her macular. Uncomfortable but her sight is maintaining for over 3 years, check for grants to offset costs...

Golden, blood suckers! Lol! I find it interesting I do not have to go to a lab as they do it in the office. They must send it out unless there is a pathologist lab inside the building. Anyway, because I have been pre- diabetic for around 3 years and it has been 6 months since a test, the dr wants it checked. Good for you with the exercises!  Prayers for R in upcoming interviews. 

Stacey, again my heart goes out to you and your hubby after all you have given and tolerated to have Bb play this game with your hubby. You both deserve to move forward with your life now, enjoy your marriage, the new carpet and vinyl when all is completed.

Yesterday was busy, my hubs and I went out looking for a new artificial Christmas tree. We tossed the old one as it had seen better days. Afterwards dd and I went to target to look for full size bed blankets. Got home from target and made split pea soup.

I should do squats and can squat down with good balance, I just can’t get back up without holding onto something.

Golden, prayers for R on success with his interviews! Your workout plans seem to be working, good for you Sweetie! I need to follow suit and get my behind in gear!

UpsetSister, sorry your kidney function isn't functioning up to par! Good luck with your treatment plan, I'm sorry to say that I don't know too much about dialysis, assuming it is a form of dialysis! Make sure to rest up in between!

I've been lucky with my health care providers, and have had the same PCP and Rheumatologist for years. I'm liking this new Cardiologist too, but hope she is a short term specialist!

You guys were All Right about Bb, after my previous post, Bb never called my husband back, and I'm disgusted with him. I at least thought he would call my husband back and try to make things right, but I guess he didn't like the tables turned on him. It's true, a leopard cannot change his spots. Too bad, he could have had good friend in my husband, but it is now to late, and hubby is fine with it. He'd better hope that I'm not the one who answers the phone next time he calls, if he calls, as I'm going to lambaste him if I answer! I've tried so hard to give him the benifit of the doubt these past few months, buying into his health woes, but I'm now believing they are all a ploy to gain sympathy from us, and probably a ploy to request monies from us down the road. He just pizzed off the wrong (and only) little brother, who's wife can be a nasty wench when crossed too! We are definitely Done with his BS! Wish him well in his future, but that's about it! So long sucker!

I'm so glad my hubby is home tomorrow, I've missed him, and Charlie-girl has missed him too! We've talked more in these last 5 days than we normally do though, Lol! It is Weird how he turned out So Different from the rest of his family! Thank God! Lol!

stacey -well, it is as expected. Looks like Bb has some cognitive problems as well as his other mental health issues and that the triple aortic aneurysm was a ploy to get hub there. Oh well, now hub knows first hand and does not need to play the loving family game any more with Bb. I am sorry that hub did not have a better visit but I doubt that that was possible. Bb is not up to it. I think hubs is right -don't answer the phone to them. Hoping hub gets home soon and you too can finally can get on with your lives without the insanity. Reno and upgrades are bad enough.

upset - hope the eye injections are OK.

beth - I am so sorry that you have all this stress with your dad. When they are so independent it makes it hard for family trying to help. Please try to accept that he is who he is and as long as he is safe it is ok. If he is not safe then maybe a note to his doctor would be in order.

Exercised this morning and napped this afternoon. After discussions with dd (my personal trainer lol) I have ordered a weighted vest as wearing it is the easiest way for me to increase the strength building capacity of my exercises. I have made progress from when I started and feel I am ready for this. I need to remember that my recovery time is long both due to my age and due to the CFS/FM so exercising 2x a week is probably right and if I am OK in between I can do a little more. However I do walk most days of the week if I am feeling up to it. And it is OK to take a week or so off if I am too tired or have a flare up. It makes me feel better to know that spending all this down time is actually accomplishing things inside me like building muscle as well as restoring energy. I really encourage anyone to do a little more than you are doing and do it on a regular basis. You will benefit. I can squat now without needing to hang onto anything to balance myself Yay!!! And be sure to eat enough protein -100 gms a day minimum!!!

Off my soapbox now. R has two different interviews tomorrow. Prayers appreciated.
Have a good evening!

Having one of those days where I want to cry. Talked with my dad and his help hasn't come out for 6 days. Her back is hurt. He won't hire an agency bc they tell him what to do. Long story on all. But it still makes me sad. I was at a work event and he doesn't want to make me worry. It breaks my heart. I've ran ads at the university but he ran people off. He got my account on care.com cancelled bc of comments he made to interview candidates. He wont consider assisted living. Would rather die. I live 90 miles away. I make meals up for the freezer. I go at least once a month. I try to help, but I feel so frustrated he wont change or let some control away. It just breaks my heart and makes my stress level go up.

CM started with a G anyway.😁

cmag - so glad you have found a good new pcp and are settling in well. Moving is a lot of work. I hope the wellness center benefits you and your wife.

madge thinking of you and your mum and hope you both are getting through this reasonably well

sharyn - blood suckers. I guess they need to do it once in a while

guest -what a mess! You might be inclined to say that lack of planning on your part (E) does not constitute a crisis for me, but then she has planned. and you are it. Oh no! Nada. Nyet. Never. I couldn't possibly do that. She has helped you in the past but that is not a prescription for you to take on what she needs now. There is a limit and there comes a time to establish it and I think you are there. Ex agreed to a property settlement which was very much in my favour, (he was pretty desperate for any settlement by then) and I determined that I would help him as I could if need be - up to a certain point. I had a figure in mind, and I did help him. But then point came when I had to tell him that I was not his "go to" person any more and he had to find other resources, and he did, and we remained friends. Once in a while he still checks me out and I remember that I owe him nothing and do what little I can to point him in a good direction to solve his problems. It is very kind of you to help her but you cannot take on too much such as a permanent role as driver. It will only escalate from there. Sounds like she needs medical help to get to a point where she can help herself and her mother. Don't enable! Trying to get people to do what they "should" do, in your eyes, is not always successful\ even if your suggestions are very sound.

cm - exactly - what is her alternate plan? I think it is time for agencies.

GA - your podiatrist sounds awesome!

bb -good point Hours waiting is the last thing the mother needed

nature -  I agree that E needs an evaluation and follow up treatment

Guest, sad situation with your friend. I hope she will consider getting this paperwork in order. It is important. You are a good friend to help, and like everyone has said, there are limits.

Stacey, so sorry your hubby has been dealing with all this the last 4 days. I don’t blame him for coming home. It’s like a merry go round with his brother except it’s not merry!

Hang in there, Guest and Stacey.

Guest: you are remarkable for all you've done for E. I'm only a nurse but E may be depressed. It may be helpful for her to be evaluated by an appropriate professional. Meds for depression can help people focus & develop energy to make better decisions & to follow through with them. Just a thought...

Stacey, Put a fork in it is exactly right!! Your husband has done all he needs to do.

Guest, what a sad situation with your friend, it's so difficult when people don't service up the priorities in their lives like POA, directives, Healthcare ppwk, med lists, insurance, and have those things at the ready, for when these things happen, and then expect others to step in and clear up the mess!

It's nice that you have stepped up to help, but there is only so much you can do to help, especially when you've tried so many times in the past to suggest them being prepared for when these things happen, and they Do, for all of us!

There Is only so much you can do, and then you have to put up boundries and let them flounder, in order to learn these lessons on their own, it's especially sad when they have an elderly to look out for!

You are a good friend, but don't get Sucked into more than you can handle, especially when it impacts your own finances, and losing work over it. She will hopefully learn from this experience, and get more organized, Maybe!

Update: hubby just called to say his brother called him, and said that he's "stuck" in his Dr's office, waiting for them to figure out his EKG, WHAT? He's supposedly having Major Aortic Aneurysm surgery on Monday, he's "supposedly had 4 Dr's appointments this week, all used as excuses Not to get together with my hubby while he's there visiting, although he did admit that this was the Only Dr's appointment that he actually has had, so hubby continues to sit around and wait for him, Sheesh!

It's just one excuse after another, so hubby said to forget about dinner tonight, and meeting his wife (he's been there 4 days now, and leaves tomorrow), and said to tell her that he's leaving tonight instead, that "I'M OUT, you no longer need to come up with excuses as to why you don't want to spend time with me". Brother said he doesn't want to LIE TO his wife, and hubby just said, "Ya Right", and left it at that, Lol! Bb was stymied, and didn't know how to respond to that! Lol!

Hubby is now Pizzed Off, and is past his level of tolerance, and that's not a good place to be! Bb would be right to just leave him alone, and not push him to get together again, as hubby has too much "ammunition" on his brother if he were inclined to battle with him. He got what he wanted, the Check, the writing is on the wall, and he just wants to be OUT OF THERE! That was the final straw, and I don't see there Ever being a relationship with his brother from here out. I expect he will now come up with a way to get together tonight with my husband, as he won't want to burn any bridges, and now knows my husband is PO'd, but hubby has had it, and will now come up with his own excuses to avoid him (them). Now, I will probably start getting phone calls from Bb or his wife, as to why my husband is angry, and hear his reasons for actions he has taken during this trip. Hubby says not to answer the phone to them, and I probably won't, I don't need the aggravation! Put a Fork in It, hubby has seen to his obligations! It's Over!

I told hubby he should get together one last time, if brother puts in the effort, as he wouldn't want to feel bad If something were to go wrong with his "supposed" surgery, but that's just it, you never know if he is telling the truth or not, as 80% of what he says is a Lie! I don't know what hubby will do at this point. Tune in later for the Grand Finale of, AS THE STOMACH TURNS!

I scheduled my first Eylea treatment the Monday after Thanksgiving. I will have to have up to 13 treatments spaced about 3 weeks apart. Not looking forward to the treatments. I'm rearranging my schedule a little to have a more downtime.

Ms Madge, Not going to So Cal Thanksgiving. My DIL is going to WV to take a turn caring for her father. He has advanced cancer. My son and kids are going so they can visit with their "Papa". We'll get there to visit later. PJ and I are going to Montreal to visit friends for a few days.

Guest, you’re in a hard place with regards to friends, hubby and the need to ‘pay back’ now that they’re in need. The pay back thing, I understand. That’s very strong in my culture. But you can’t do everything, Everything, while they (more like she) just sit back and supervise... Your friend is in major denial about her health, her mother and everything. She has a temper and she’s right and those not agreeing are wrong (tow trucker and the help agent).

She needs to change her attitude. Before it’s too late. Some people only get it after a major incident. Obviously, your friend is not one of those... Some get it when they get a major health issues. Obviously, your friend is not one of those...

I have a business acquaintance. He was diagnosed with diabetes. He was the fun of the business luncheons and dinners. None of knew he was diabetic because he didn’t eat like one. He was like us - stack that dinner plate with variety of food, etc... Then he was hospitalized. He’s now blind. His wife’s friends are holding a fundraiser to help pay for his ticket to Hawaii for surgery to save his eyesight. We were all shocked. He knew he had diabetes and refused to change his behavior....

Do what you can for your friend within what you’re willing to give. I’m so glad that you understand the need for boundaries because between hubby, friends and your conscience - it’s going to be a constant battle. Yep, I understand why you need your anxiety pills... {{{{Hugs}}}

Stacy, What a sad experience for husband. At least both of you know that he hasn't changed at all. Have a great reunion when your husband returns.

Hi GA, I'm good, and feeling better in regards to my chest symptoms! I've seen a Cardiologist, had a 48 hour Holter Monitor, and a cardiac exercise stress test, including heart ultrasound, and have a follow up appointment with the Cardiologist next week, thanks for asking! I do believe it is all stress related, and hopefully will resolve with time.

I've enjoyed my time away from hubby this week, visiting with my sisters, dinners out, and yesterday had lunch with all 5 siblings at a restaurant in Edmonds Washington, and sweet little seaside town about 5 minutes from our home. It's not often that all 6 of us site down to a meal together, we are all so busy, so we made plans for a holiday get together in December at my younger brothers house. My oldest cousin and eldest brothers wife were there too! We're a close family, and so so different from my poor husband and his siblings, to say the least! Lol!

Poor hubby, he can't wait to get home, and yes, we will be celebrating, as he spent his birthday alone, watching oldies TV in his hotel room on Tuesday. There is little "good TV" available there, waaa!

My husband says that it like is brother is not "all there", that he may even have some sort of early onset dementia or something, as something is not right with him, but he can't put his finger on it. It's definitely not what I expected would be the scene, after hearing hoe excited he was to have his brother visit after so long, I at least thought he would put in some effort to have fun together, but No!

I thought that perhaps his brother wasn't happy with his Inheritance, but what did he expect, after not seeing his Father in so many years? They were like strangers, even long before he came to live with us, as he rarely visited his parents even back then!

The fact that he took advantage of his parents financially so many times throughout his life, and now he's disappointed? He didn't even bother to communicate, nor visit him in the 13 years he lived with us, or bother to try to come visit him while he was dying, pretty much sums up their relationship, so he shouldn't be surprised at the low figure inheritance check!

That Bb doesn't even have checking account at the age of 63 is a bit weird IMO, as what sort of person doesn't have a checking account? A Dead Beat, that's who! Hubby told him to open a checking account with his check, but for some reason, that didn't make sense to him, ummmm Duh!

The whole situation is off putting, and my husband spent 500 plus dollars to go and visit him, but now he knows, nothing has changed, and his brother is still the parasite he's always been! Mainly, my husband went there to preempt him from showing up on our doorstep, and I hope he's successful! I don't want him around my kids and Grandies, Period! He's hurt and alienated his own 3 kids, and I don't want him hurting mine! He's a bad guy, not to be trusted, and will never change! I'm glad my husband got to see it all for himself. The fact that he wouldn't even make time for him upsets me, but hubby is fine with it, the less time, the better, in his opinion!

I just can't wait till he's home, and all this is behind him. And experience experience he won't even repeat again!

Stacey, how very sad for your husband. A reunion that could have been so comforting, turned into a literal escape plan to stay out of filthy places. I hope your husband has a nice flight home and you two have a great reunion, just the two of you, in your home, maybe with a fire in the fireplace if you have one.

And you, how are you doing these days?

Hi Guys, So here's the latest,  my husband has been in Laughlin Nevada since Monday, to visit his brother, so on Monday afternoon, his brother picked him up from the airport,  then took him to his hotel and visited for an hour (when hubby gave him a copy of their Fathers will, and his Inheritance check), he then disappeared, and he didn't even see him again until late yesterday (Wednesday), when he took hubby to a quicky-mart to get some pop (hubby has to have his pop!), to a coin collectors store and then a drive by brothers storage shed so hubby could see the boat that he's been "supposedly" building, to say the least, hubby was not impressed.

For many months my husband has been hearing about this kick butt drag boat that he's had out racing on the river there, but it's nothing but a plywood shell, and is no where near being water ready, has never been in the water, has no motor, no skin (fiberglass) no gages, lights or wiring even, so Everything his brother says is an inflated LIE! 

Brother has made all sorts of excuses as to why he can't spend any time with him these pasts few days, ie: Dr's appointments, errands, car repairs, so essentially, my husband has been sitting around in his hotel room these past 3 days, all alone. It's so sad, and I'm pizzed, as all I've heard (from BIL) is how excited he was to see his Brother after 13 years!

Hubby knew it was going to be this exact scene, so he is not surprised. I've told him it's a very expensive postage stamp, delivering his Inheritance in person, but hubby said he HAD TO do it this way, to see it all himself in person, as Bb has been saying for so long that he has changed, that he's not longer "that person", that Con Man, that Liar, but none of it is true. He hasn't changed, in fact hubby says he is the same, but that he's let himself go, and looks like a disheveled bum. Once a good looking Con Man, now a burnt out old Con Man.

He has always chosen these small towns to live in, so he could find a girl who would work to support him, while he Cons others out of their money, usually a construction job under the table, which he bungs up, and as soon as he has enough people in the town are pizzed off at him, he blows out, usually leaving the girl there, and moves on to greener pastures. He's a Parasite!

Hubby has called me several times a day, just wishing he could get on a plane and come home, but he's just gonna hang in there until Friday, when he's scheduled to leave anyways. Hubby still has not even met his wife, nor been invited out for dinner or anything, it's so strange!

On the morning of day 2 there, Bb called hubby in his hotel room asked hubby if he could sign over the cashiers check (his $1000 dollar inheritance check), to hubby to cash it for him, because he doesn't have a checking account! Hubby didn't jump on that opportunity! Hubby doubts he has a drivers license,  or insurance either, and is scared to even get in a car with him, his car is another story!  Uggg, Another Lie!

Hubby has been hearing for a long time now, that his brother also has this RV, that he is "restoring" (he's Always Restoring Something that is going to be Amazing, but Never materializes into Anything!), but hubby thinks that his brother has spent the last few days scrambling around to cash his check, and then went out and bought this hulk of an RV, that was also parked outside of his storage facility, that was packed to the gills with junk. 

Hubby says the "RV" has a 4x4 hole cut into the roof, and smashed front window, rotten tires, hasn't been licensed since 2006, and is completely filthy and gutted inside. It doesn't drive, so there's something wrong with the engine. Bb says it's gonna be his "Winter" project, as he intends to fix it up, and winter in it in the PNW, with his wife, during the hot summers of Arizona. Ummmm, not gonna be parking it outside My home, but that is the hints that my husband has been getting from him. Bb says that hubby doesn't see his vision, and hubby agreed, he doesn't, Lol! He's Pathological!

Hubby says the whole scene down there is Skeeezy, and he can't wait to get out of there!

Just in: this mornings phone call from his brother and he's supposedly got another Dr's appointment (that's 3 days in a row now) and some "other things to do, but that he's invited my husband to meet his wife and have dinner at their motel room. His wife manages a Motel accross the river in Bullhead City Arizona. I looked up this Motel, and it's not the Nicest please on the strip. The reviews are full of negative comments, like prostitutes, drug deals, broken air conditioners, TV's, cock roaches and filth, so you can just imagine how my very picky eater, germaphobic husband is going to deal with that, plus he's invited my husband early, before his wife is due to arrive home, as my hubby expects he's going to try to "prep" him, so he doesn't reveal any "secrets", in front of his wife. It's been this way his whole life, he cannot bring one of his GF's or one of his 9 or 10 wives around the family, for fear one of us might say something that doesn't jive with the many lies he's told them over their time together.

Hubby doesn't want to go over there, and so has invited them out to dinner instead, so we will see how this plays out.

I've told hubby to go down into the Casino hotel he's staying at, have breakfast and play the slots for a while, but he's just not into it, he just wants to have this whole Nightmare Over! Stay tuned!