The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

Hello EastEagle! Good to hear from you.

You are afraid of disappointing your mother.

Mmm. Tricky. I know that's a hard one.

The decision isn't hard, though. On the one hand, you have something you DO want to do both for your own sake and for good, sound, practical and charitable reasons. On the other, you have something you DON'T want to do for equally good reasons.

So. Step One. Decide which you are going to pick. The Good Idea, as you would advise anyone you like and cared about? Or the Bad Idea, which would let down your husband, your daughter, her husband, his recently bereaved mother; and involve you in a lot of thankless donkey work; and expose you and your husband to a miserable day and a nasty drive.

Not really a choice, is it? If you are worried about feeling selfish, look at this way: be kind to that poor widowed lady, put your husband first, and try to overlook the fact that for the first time in forty years you may possibly enjoy Thanksgiving.

This is what you do:

First, tell Bro it would be better if mother joined them at their house this year for Thanksgiving. Get it agreed.

Next, this is what you say to mother. "Dearest mother, this year we have all made different plans. Bro and family will make you very welcome at their house, where Bro will also enjoy the luxury of choosing the menu so that for once he isn't complaining about it. And you will enjoy the refreshing change of their not being late and ungracious, because they won't have had the trouble of leaving their own house. They will be arranging transport, and you will have a lovely time. It's all good! Love you lots xxx"

Chew this idea over, see how you feel about it, maybe share it with your husband, then come back to us. Big hugs x

From EastEagle, Hello All: I am So Sorry that I have been away for some weeks. I am thinking of that old saying: "I turn up like a bad penny". Anyway, my Husband and I were tied up with having to replace our old oil tank which was starting to leak, and we caught it just in time, before it had a chance to leak all over the place. So we were very lucky in that respect. However, when the technicians were replacing the oil into the new tank, they accidentally spilled about a gallon of oil. They cleaned it all up, and they use air fresheners that are safe for people and the environment (my Husband looked it up on the internet) and they are supposed to take away the smell of the oil, BUT they have a strong cherry scent, and those 2 odors mixed together - the oil and the cherry - was making me feel nauseous, so I stayed at my eldest Daughter's house for 2 nights. I have always had allergies, and very sensitive to strong odors, and for some reason, I get a nauseous feeling. So now we are back to normal, whatever that means !! Now I have another big problem, and I need your advice again. This time, I feel that I am in an impossible situation, with no easy solution. As you all may know, my Mother is 93 yrs old, and she fell in July, and broke her hip, so I think you all know the details. She went home, and had Physical Therapy, Visiting Nurses, etc. and for the months of August and Sept, and up to right now, she has been complaining that "they have to go" and she wants them out of her house, so that she can get back to her own life and schedule, and that they are bothering her all the time. So this brings me up to a few weeks ago: my Mother will not sleep in her bed, she still has the hospital bed in her bedroom, plus her own bed, but she stays up all night and falls asleep in her chair in the living room - which she has placed right in front of the TV. A few weeks ago, from what I understand, she had fallen asleep in her chair around 9:00pm at night, and she leaned on her medical alert alarm, and I am not sure how it happened. I assume that the company tried to call her, but she was not wearing her new hearing aid (another long story) and so they called the Fire Dept. and of course the F.D. had to break into her house - and had to break the locks on the back door. My Mother did not even hear them at the front door trying to get in. As I mentioned before, she does not have a front door bell that works. We bought her a new one, but my Brother (who has control of her house) said that he already got a new door bell, so that was back in July, but so far, he has not installed it yet. I am trying to make this long story short, but so much stuff has happened, so I have to leave out some details here. So that night, I got a phone call at around 9:15 from the Fire Dept, after they were able to break into my Mother's house, and I spoke to really nice Lt. of the Fire Dept., and he told what happened, and that my Mother was OK, and that they had tried to call my brother but got no answer from him. I informed the Fire Dept. that my Brother was going to Mexico for his company (he has to go for one week each month) but that I did not know when he was leaving, or if he had already left. The Lt. also said that we would have to repair the back door. So right after I got off the phone with him, I called my brother. I was very surprised when he answered the phone, and obviously he was still at home. He told me that he was supposed to be sleeping, and had to get up early to get his plane in the morning. And he said he was really annoyed that he was getting this call from me. So he was not happy at all. I told him what happened, and that he and my Mother, would need to get a better plan in place in case this happens again. I tried to explain to everyone, that my Husband and I could not get there that night, since I can't drive thru Boston, (too nervous) and I can't see at night - I have night blindness, and my husband who has a bad back, had already gone to bed. He has to go to bed early, around 9:00, to rest his back. I also called my Mother back that night, and I told her that I was so alarmed when I got that call from the Fire Dept. I told her that because of my heart problem, that my heart starts racing when I get upset. She didn't seem to care about that. The next morning she called my Cousin, who helps her a lot, and my Mother told her that I was mad at her. So I spoke to this Cousin, and explained what happened. The next thing was: my Mother had her regular checkup and her Doctor told her not to walk around the house without her walker, that she is in great danger of falling again. She told her not to try to do anything alone, like cooking with the stove, anything that requires using both hands. So, my Mother wants to have Thanksgiving at her house, and she wants the entire Family to be there. Of course, I don't want to disappoint her. She always says that it will be her last Thanksgiving, or her last Christmas, whatever Holiday it is, and of course that could be true. However, my Husband and I would have to do all the food shopping and cooking. My Brother and his Wife, and his oldest son, and daughter in law and their one year old son, and his younger son and his girl friend, will all arrive around 2:00pm, and we would have to get there by 9am to get all the cooking done. The problem is that we would have to leave around 3pm or so, before it gets too dark, because both my Husband and I can't drive in the dark. The other issue is: our youngest daughter asked us if we could go to her house for Thanksgiving, she and her Husband Jeff would be doing the cooking, they are very good cooks and enjoy doing this for the family. The reason we are invited is that our Son-in-Law's Father died this year, at age 70, and now his Mother is alone and has been very depressed. His Mother also lost her Father and Mother at a young age, and her Mother's sister - Aunt Betty - took the place of her Mother. Well, Aunt Betty also died this year. Also, Jeff and his Mother have custody of his Brother's 5 children, and it would be too much for her to be alone for Thanksgiving, and to cook for all the kids. So my Daughter and husband have already decided that they could not go to my Mother's house for Thanksgiving. But, my Mother wants to know why they all can't go to her house, and I tried to explain that there are just too many people, plus Jeff also has a brother and an Uncle. Our Middle daughter will be working on Thanksgiving, as she does every year, since she works in a hospital. So, my Mother would still have 6 adults plus her one year old Great Grandson, but they are the ones who do not cook or help out in the kitchen. We have been going to my Mother's for the past 40 years, and my Husband has always helped my Mother to cook the turkey, and I would cook all the veggies, etc. As I said, my Brother and his (second) wife would show up when the food was ready. My husband wants to spend Thanksgiving with our Daughter and her husband this year, he does not want to drive to my Mother's house and we can't drive after dark anyway. We can get to our Daughter's house early, eat around 1pm, and then we can leave earlier. So, my question is: how do I tell my Mother that we can't make it to her house this year? I do not have the guts to disappoint her. What can I say to her, to break the news, there is no easy way out of this problem. If I lived closer to my Mother, then I could be at 2 places in one day. Thanks everyone, I really do appreciate your input.

DDuck, good to hear you are detaching more and more. There is a popular book out (I haven’t read it yet), The Subtle Art of not Giving a F@)k that suppose to be great for ideas of leaving things be, not involving ones self in situations.

I’m off today, we are taking the boys to the new dr. Halloween was fun and very community spirited compared to California. E was overwhelmed when dd brought the boys here, he didn’t want to come in the house. I think it was the attention of wearing a costume. We ignored the costume and he settled down quickly. Dd and I went to one of the local grocery stores parking lot where business had a trunk and trick. It was great! It took about an hour to walk through while each business gave out candy. Then we went back to my house, hubs was passing out candy to the neighborhood kiddos. Very much community where neighbors are out talking and by dark, it was over.

I had a chuckle at work last night as this woman approached the hot foods counter. I recognized her and started toward her to help her. She looked at me, recognized me and quickly left, haha! It was my dd’s Former BFF. I thought her reaction to me spoke volumes to her wrong doing. Even though she is my dd’s Scentsy sponsor, dd has cut her off completely, no contact, no communication. She had to go no contact so she can move forward from a toxic friendship.

StaceyB, that carpet sound so beatiful, Have fun redocorating. New life, new furniture and no to Bb. Manipulation and using people takes me from o to 100 in a second. Thats my sister and of course lying is in the package.
Like Guest, says, hotel way or no stay.

Upset, I really truly admire this calling you have and the work you are doing. I am sure you are impacting and helping a lot of lives. God Bless. Every little bit helps but what you are doing is awesome and encouraging.

Sharyn, I am glad things are okay. I didnt get all about the testing and heart monitoring. But I agree with you about the effects of stress.

Today I am happy to be posting just because. Oh I have plenty to say, complain, cry. I just feel content right now to sit and watch things play out in my family and boy are they playing out. I will be off line for a few.
God bless and keep you all. Rays of light peace and joy to all. Peace.

pamzimmert, I don't need my aunt and her daughter/granddaughters in my life. I am positive that my mom never said she would take care of her. They have spent years trying to get money from other family members. I'm not going down that road.

Way to go Upset! You don't need this, and it is awful they keep calling you

I got another call from the police in WV, trying to convince me that my aunt was in harm's way. They said that her daughter and granddaughter do not take care of her. I gave them phone numbers for both of her son's, her granddaughter who actually has a job and seems responsible and also both of her younger sisters. Both of her sisters live nearby and are in good health. They also have large homes with plenty of room. I am not responsible for this woman and no means no.

Golden, We have 35 caregivers enrolled in groups and individual counseling. There are probably 8 others who drop in for coffee. Our "nap" room is popular. We have 4 cots, play soft music and set alarms in the office so everyone gets home on time.

Getting over this bug but still falling asleep in the daytime. Mornings I can hardly keep my eyes open.

Yesterday had a good chat with dd who has been diagnosed with ADHD, as well as the youngest grandson. Granddaughter has it too and ODD (Oppositional Defiance Disorder). They all are on meds which are supposed to help. Oldest grandson was diagnosed with Asperger's a while ago. My oldest son was diagnosed with ADHD, but he refused to take meds. Both older boys have learning disabilities and the middle one has ADD not ADHD. Really looks like a genetic link there. Youngest son (who died) from a different dad didn't have any of it. I think my father may have had some school difficulties, but he got an engineering degree regardless. Hope the treatment helps dd's family. There is no doubt that she has been "scattered" and forgetful and more all her life, but she resisted seeing anyone when she was young, and she did exceptionally well in school so I didn't push it, not that that would have done any good anyway. She goes for her tests for certification as a trainer this weekend. I know she will ace them.

Dd also checked out my progress re exercising and is encouraging me to add weights (bar bells or whatever) to my squats. I have to make sure my knees are OK first. Stretching before I get up is helping, and I am doing some leg lifts (bent and straight) then too. Not as good as on the floor, but better than nothing. The abs can use any help I can give them.

Snow has arrived for the duration. Oh well!

Also my first bill from the NH has arrived. Looks like the pprwk will be less onerous. Mother's new hearing aid has arrived at the Hearing Center and they will mail it to her at the NH. Hopefully they will not lose it. That should look after things for now.

A moan - my fave brand of decaf is not available any more. Some of the popular ones gave me the jitters at one point. I am trying McC. I think I am OK with *bucks and Timmies.

glad - you are right about stepping back and letting things happen - so others learn the realities. It works as long as no one is in danger.

sharyn - sounds like you will fit in well at work. You know your job. Good for dd getting a new pediatrician who will follow up with what E needs,

upset - sounds like the groups are going well and that there are a lot of caregivers in your area. Those relatives of yours are dreadful and have a large and inappropriate sense of entitlement. I have no trouble being the bad one either. They (mum and sis) always said I was, so may as well live up to it when it works for me.

chris - I am glad you are aware if that and hope you have a back up plan.

stacey - hope the results of all the testing come out well. You have been under a lot of stress. The redecorating sounds lovely. Don't overdo it, but enjoy it at your own pace. I would be very cautious about Bb. He is a con artist through and through and will try to get money from your hub - guaranteed. I am glad you both will put up resistance to his efforts. He is a classic narcissist with the "worst" medical conditions ever heard of. I would stay skeptical. The timing is so convenient. Good for your hub declining to be executor for his sis.

guest - you are right, There are some people who are not safe in your home. I stopped letting mother stay after she came by bus and refused to leave unless I drove her back. I know she was testing the waters re staying with me. My sis is very nosey and expects to be waited on hand and foot, so I cut that off too.

duck - stay detached as much as you can. If you see that your mother is in danger I think it would be a good idea to notify her doctor. There is no understanding why your sis and your mother are as they are. They are sick and you will never understand their words and actions. You have to accept how they are. Stay on the sidelines. We understand and know you mean well for both of them. I am glad your dad was an understanding man. I know you miss him.

Today was my father's aniversary. I didnt boo hoo this time around. I do that everynow and then. He was such a good upstanding man. Even though he played a big role in making that sismonster I have. Maybe one day I can put in few words the type and dynamic of our relationship.

Anyways, when I get in this morning, I find the livingroom door locked again. My sister has taken my mother's keys. she found some but not to this door, so I lopened it gave her her breakfast sandwich. Told her I was turning end so I could get up later.
When I get upstairs the family friend whom I had asked to help me out with housework once a week called and tells me that she is calling me because she knows my sister didnt tell me that she wants her to come from 1pm to 4 or 5pm in afternoons. Also that she was giving a key to the womandown the street " for emergency" and that she refused her offer of a key. So she is giving people keys to the house to come in while I am there and have no respect to tell me whats going on.

Naturally she did not tell me this. I get to bed about 1030 10 if I am lucky it takes me a while to fall a sleep I take melatonin and now I find this azestaline nasal spray for sinus helps also. My sleep is broken so I may get 4 hours in on a good day. this includes my mother occaisonally knocking on door at least twice usually once I am dosing and again between 2 and 3 pm. My sleep is broken so I make wake that time depending , sometims I am just fallinga asleep then.

I say that to explain how inconsiderate and insulting it is for her to make arrangements that invovle me without speaking to me. I am also pissed because in her sick mind I she sees is that I am there and its daytime.

So I this person says she asked if she could wash her hair twister says okay. Meanwhile she has made these arrangements but has not arranged how this woman is to get in daily. I told her I would dead sleep or almost there at 1pm.

I told her I would not be getting up and breaking my sleep to cater to and feed into my sisters continual direspect and outcasting.

AS it turns out the neighbor must have refused as my sister told the family friend she changed her mind. Now I guess this woman who see the dynamics refused and saw my sister settting her up to let in the help unbeknowst to me who lives there.

I told J (the family friend, I calllher my aunt) that I would not be opening the door. I did not talk to her tell my sister I did not answer the door. Then J is now getting upset becasue she wanted to wash her hair? I going to do her like that? That was a flip. So I realize maybe she didnt have hot water in her house ( she owns a house. Lives alone and does not have a lot. Lots of people help her out. I started seeing that she notice when she says she needs ssomething I will try and get it. and same with other people. She has always been good to me and the housework thing was a way to help her out also.
Turns out I found that she unrattles my mother, they are good friends for years. sometimes my mother is fixated on going to her house.

Anyways I tell her okay but come now because I need to get my rest. She gets dressed, gets to house about a 11am which is past my sweet spot for sleep. As I go down my mother who is in low key mode sitting on her bed engaged with contents of a bag, now gets stirred up. I let J in. We talk my mother comes down gets gired up and here we go. I go upstairs but keep hearing dog bark and there is my mother and J struggling at door. My mother tring to get out calling her stupid. When I come down my mother comes right in calling her stupid and talking her usaual nasty. I get her in she calms down I go on upstairs and maybe get two hours. I feel exhausted. Now when I leave my mother tries to leaves again, there is a struggle. Leaves are in front so I direct her attention to leaves saying let her sweep leaves she is okay. She sweeps them but refuses to put on a coat. Then finally she goes in, J says dont lock her in leave door open she will sit out and wait for my sister. her hair is wet because she could plug in dryer. My mother now wont let her out. so here we go again. I am telling you it was crazy. I left J standing out side my mother going inside telling herto get out and dont come back.

What ever that plan was, It backfired and I suffered loss of sleep. J said the same thing I told her this morning, My mother was fine until i came down. My sister is trying her damdest to keep me out of the loop. It it means giving the key to the house to people who never set foot in there in all the years my mother had the house. I would invite her for cake and dinner on my mohter birthday and cookouts and she would always say you know I dont go in your house. I would roll lmy eyes and take her a plate of what ever and a drink. Sometimes we'd have drinks after shoveling snow during breaks.
I think she was very hip to my sister getting ready to use her as a pawn to block me out.

I am still laying back. letting it play out. I dont know and cant understand her crux to keep me out of loop. Its crazy.
I guess should be a whine. Lately I cant do the two. I am tired.

Love and peace to all. Sorry I have not caught up. StaceyB so sorry to hear about the situation with your husbands' brother. Its weird to see how things unfold. I am sure this is hard on your husband deep inside. I wish you both strength and courage as you see this through.

Margeaux is was nice to hear from you. I dont know what it is but everytime I read your post what ever the content, I find it very soothing and peaceful.

Yes BB, what he actually has is 3 separate Aneurysm's, 1 up high in his Abdomen, and 2 lower, where the aorta branches off into his lower extremities.  

It is a dangerous surgery,  which apparently he can "put off", until after my husband visits him next week. He does have Medicare,  probably Medicaid, and a wife who should be managing his affairs. I wish him well, but I'm trying to stay out of it! 

We never truly know if we can trust all that he says, but this time it is a Severe Enough Surgery, that my husband felt the need to see him, and to deliver his Inheritance check to him in person, and try to have some fun with him, in his neck of the woods.  

This whole "Executor position" isn't the best position we have ever held! I say we, because I was listed as the second in my FIL's will, but the majority of the duties seem to have fallen on my shoulders, Yay! Luckily it was a pretty simplified Will and process in the grand scheme of things. 

I'm glad that I won't be there in person to deliver the check, as knowing him, he will probably be disappointed.  Oh well, it wasn't our decisions on how he wanted his estate dispersed,  we're just following his directive. 

My BIL had asked my husband just how much he would be receiving,  as his Dr told him to get his financial affairs, his Will and Directives in order, before surgery,  but hubby was uncomfortable giving him the info over the phone.  He told him it wasn't enough to worry about, and would have it in cash, soon enough. I just don't want my husband being pressured into giving him more out of pity. Heck, He only visited his Dad 2 time in the past 14 years,  and one of those times was at his Mom's funeral. 

My husband had to tell his step-sister that he did not wish to be her Executor,  should she pass before him. She lives in another state,  and they are not close at all. It would be a nightmare to have to implement the carrying out of someone's Will from another state, Uggg! I hope she understood,  and made the nessesary changes to her documents!  How would you know if they took care of such a change, anyways? IDK, but my husband is OUT of the death and dying business, 2 times is enough! 

Triple A can be a long and sometimes difficult recovery.

Stacey, just so you know, I think what your BIL is referring to is a " triple A", which is an abdominal aortic aneurysm, as opposed to a thoracic aortic aneurysm. Serious surgery, if that's what it is. Does he have Medicare for rehab?

Oh my hubby's Bb is trying so hard to get his wife (whom I've never met) an I to become "fast friends", over the phone, it's desperate and disgusting, and I've nothing in common with her.

He puts her on the phone when he calls, to discuss his current medical conditions, and it is hard Not to give advice, as I did work in patient health care for so long, and have a basic understanding of such things. I am compassionate, and do care, IF what they are telling us it true, but he always has such "Fantasimical" extremes of any little issue, so it makes you sick just to hear about them, Gawd, I'm So Cynical! Lol! Only when it comes from him though! 

He Always has The Worst, Most Extreme Cases of Whatever Medical condition it is, and of course he "Almost Died", in nearly every episode he's had. Last big Episode her was Medi-Vact to Las Vegas, for a Hot Galbladder, had it removed, and then left the next day, "against Medical Advice", Because he can't do Anything by the books!

This all happened right after his Dad moved back in with us on Hospice, and I swear, it almost seemed as it he were competing for Sympathy over the whole situation! Whose worse off, me or my dying Father, sort of thing, he's Gross! Then he went on to say (was bragging to my husband), on how he was up and around 2 days post surgery, working on his Imaginary "Kick Butt Jet Boat", as he Always has to have or Be working on Some thing, to be Competing with something my husband is doing, whether it's a car, a boat, or just something to brag about, all the while we're here, caring for his Dad, with No Help from him!

And now he's calling nearly every day, and constantly asking my hubby to buy him things off of Ebay, and send it to him, and of course he's "gonna" pay him, when he gets there next week. It's the 3rd time hubby has purchased, and then mailed off car or boat parts in the last 3 months, and I'm not sure why he cannot buy these things directly himself, but hubby is of the mindset that Bb cannot buy off the Internet, due to his severe ADD, and his inability to read, or more likely, his inability to even have bank account With money in it, or to set up a PayPal account!

My husband has been compensating for him, his whole life, and he's the younger brother! I think it's all about Mooching, as it's all he knows how to do, and my husband falling for it, but deep down, my husband still feels that a lot of the reasons why Bb is the way he is, stems from their Crappy childhood, and that Bb had it even worse off than hubby had it, due to his learning disabilities, which then led to his "life of crime' and "womanizing".

At any rate, I see little that can be salvaged, but for hubby's sake, I will support a "distant" relationship, only for him, as long as it doesn't adversely affect our family unit.

We'll see how "reformed he really is, after hubby's visit there next week, to his home territory, where my husband is staying in Laughlin (not with his brother, Ha!), a little "Reno" on the river, at the big hotel, where he can always go back to his hotel room, to get away, or go down and play the slot machines if he desires, so it will be a good get away for him, he needs these little breaks too! Hes been through a lot! 

I chose to stay home, due to the expense of the trip (I don't want to waste money on that!), the atmosphere, Lol, and my little pooch Charlie-girl. I'm saving my winnings from our last vacation, for decorating! The Last place I want to be is with his Bb and Wife #9, Lol!  I'll stay home and spend time with my Sister's! There's Gambling here too, Lol! Just kidding!

Have a great night, Everybody! WhooHoo!

Stacey, They don't understand the word no. My aunt who is 93 insists that my mother told her that she would always take care of her. And she thinks since Mom died it's my responsibility. My Mom was lots of things but she would never have said this. Simply not my Mom.

It's good your husband is aware of his brother's shortcomings. Be the bad one if have to. My younger brother always says he has no problem being "the turd in someone's punchbowl".

UpsetSister, I can't believe your "family" is still playing these shenanigans with you! When are they going to get it, that you aren't responsible for their lives? There again is my biggest fear, in regards to Bb. I'm just waiting for the moment, it will come, but we won't be suckered into that crap! We've raised our kids, prepared for our future, he's not our responsibility! Sheesh!

Stacey No is a complete sentence. There are some people that are never safe to have in your home. Remember Upset’s niece? Filling her bag at a funeral while others were helping her? I don’t host gatherings at my home anymore. I’ve told my husband that his parents can afford temp digs if needing overnight stay. Once in, it would be difficult to get out.

Thank you Guest, UpsetSister, SharynM, you guys All understand where I'm coming from regarding Bb!

For some reason, my husband still desires to salvage a "distant" relationship with his brother, and doesn't want to cut him out of his life completely, but is trying to figure out a way to do this, but on his own terms, which is difficult, but hopefully for hubby, not completely impossible. I do trust my husband not to allow him to him to take advantage in any way.

It's sad, it's his only living relative, and they have at times, enjoyed each others company, but his brother is such a leech, who has taken advantage of every person he has ever come into contact with, it just floors me how someone can do this to people they are supposed to love! His Parents, his 2 siblings (one a half sister, and she's wacko too Ugg, a whole other story and who my husband has completely wiped out of his life), his 3 children, and he's been married at least 9 time that I can recall, and so many countless others he has swindled throughout his entire life.

My husband has minimized the damage of him taking advantage of us in the 33 years we've been together, simply because we have never had any "spare" money to get! All of our money went to raising our 4 kids, and trying to stay afloat ourselves! But now that he knows that we are fairly well prepared financially and retired, and Yes, probably assumes that my FIL left my husband and chunk of money, I'm sure it's eating away at him to try to get something more out of my husband, and probably why all of these incessant phone calls about how he is "reformed", and No Longer takes advantage of others, and is in fact turned his life around and is involved in "giving back", versus being the crook that he was his whole life! He is just so desperate to have brotherly relationship with my husband, that it seems sinister and questionable to me, Big Time!

My husband is not being Sucked into that fairy tale,by no means, but still, deep in his heart does wish there is something salvageable of their relationship, but only on hubby's terms, and there lays the issue of boundries, and how to inforce them.

"Oh hey, you guys have two spare bedrooms, can we come to stay", is what worries me, but, if what he says about All of his different health malladies can get believed (and this is still questionable, as he can't get believed, Ever, and uses his health issues as leverage for sympathy and to his advantage), then I'm really not so concerned about him traveling up to see us that much, but if this new and latest surgery is successful, then he and his wife could likely end up on our front porch, and it will be interesting how my husband handles such an event! 
My Hubby has So Many expensive hobbies, cars, coins, collectibles, that I'm sure he'd be scared to death to let him over our doorstep, let alone allow them to stay with us, but it's So hard to say NO, when you do have the space, and are generally Nice People in the first place!

What to do, What to do? I know I'd be very uncomfortable having them stay in our home, and my husband would Always respect my wishes, no matter what. So then it gets put on me, and I guess I'm fine with that, looking like a turd who doesn't care! Well, I Don't Care! I'll take that role!

Stacey, enjoy the newness of your life with just you and hubby! Decorating is fun (if you like it) which I do. I still have a lot to do in that area of our home. I’m hoping by next summer, I will feel much more settled. Take care of yourself first sweet lady!

Family members who try to insert themselves into one's life are the worst. My mother's sister and her daughter and granddaughters call on a regular basis. Always wanting to come visit, want money, etc. I've changed my number twice and thru friends and other relatives they have gotten the new number. Since the last change I've given my number to no one. My aunt was found by the police wandering in her neighborhood lost two weeks ago.  She told them I was supposed to take care of her, but that I wouldn't let her live with me. They tracked me down. It took 30 minutes of explaining that I was not responsible and referred them to her two son's. I wouldn't let any of them visit. They might stay forever.

Stacey, enjoy decorating! We just had the latest in the year of disasters, and replaced our furnace last Saturday. oh, well, it was the original 20 year old one. But on top of A/C in August, etc. But husband and I are above ground! so it's all good. Note, my answer to the extended visitors is that I don't extend offers to stay with me to anyone other than son and my sister. My brother and his wife stay at hotel (they can afford). My in-laws stayed at hotel, because I didn't want to indicate that we had any room available for staying in for any period of time. Because your brother in law and sister in law received so little from FIL, they are sure to think you and hubs are rolling in all the money (HAHAHAHAHA) left in the estate. Others always think there is more than there is...take care and if BIL comes to WA, he can rent a hotel "even if it's just while he relocates". You and I both know that he never will leave given FIL's journey.

Thank you SharynM, and to all who have given me such nice get well/be well wishes!

I did wear a 48 hour Holter Monitor, and have a stress echocardiogram scheduled for this coming Thursday, but I honestly think it is my diaphram that gets inflamed due to stress, which for some reason is on overload for no reason, and I cannot seem too control my bodies reaction to it, it's so frustrating, as the stress is gone, except for the aftermath, and my body shouldn't be acting up like this, as I've certainly been through worse stress in my life, it just Sucks getting older!

On a happier note, I've just ordered new carpet for the entire house, a sort of 3 tone speckled silver gray, and once it is arrives and instalation begins, hubby has given me the green light to order two sets of new furniture for both our livingroom and the family room, and boy do we need it! 

It's been 12 or so years since we have had new furniture, and ours is looking it's age, plus it's My choice this time around, and I'm going big or go home, and definitely buying the higher quality this time around, as with it being just hubby and I, we aren't very hard on things, and of course being on a pentioner's budget, it needs to last a long long time, so I want Super Nice, Super Plush and Cushy, as this is a comfortable home, and not fussy at all!

We are also having new linoleum put down in the kitchen at the same time, and I pray it can all be done by Christmas! Then bit by bit, I can change up, decorating with pops of color, I'm thinking turquoise and silver. It's going to be the year of Decorating, and I need a project that I can get my teeth into, and I can see it all coming together in my mind, what's left of it, Lol!

My hubby is going to fly down to Bullhead City in Nevada next week, to see his Brother before Bb's triple Aortic Aneurysm surgery. We're never sure if his brother is crying wolf or not, but him going there, circumvents his brother from coming here any time soon, as he has been threatening to do! We just don't want him around our kids or Grandies, as he is trying so hard to reintroduce himself into our lives.

Hubby keeps telling me not to be surprised if he decides to move back to Washington state, now that both of the parents are out of the picture, as for so long he was unable to keep all of his many lies and stories straight with them, and now that they have both passed, he can make up all of the lies he wants about his past, as they cannot be verified or denounced by his Mom and Dad. I don't care what he lies about, as long as they don't affect me in any way. I just can't have him infecting my family though! He screwed his own kids over, so there's now way I want him near Mine!

Hubby thinks that if we give him an inch, he'll take a mile sort of thing, and that we need to be prepared to hear a bunch of stories on how We need to help out him and his wife financially, and I'm like, "Oh Hell No!", we are only just getting our own life back on track, we can't be fueling his life, and we certainly can't afford to! He's a Grade A MOOCH and Con Artist, who would suck you dry, and kick you aside if you let him, and I definitely won't let him! Oh God, why can't life be Easy! At any rate, hubby will be out of my hair for 4 days!

I can just see it, we get our house All fixed up, and Bb and his wife stop in for a quick visit, and he attempt a to turn it into an Extended Stay! Ain't gonna happen!

Still, as much as my husband know what a POS his brother is, there is still a level of compassion or something in that he has always held out hope that his brother will turn his life around, and not be such a drain on our good senses, but I don't think a leopard can change his spots. He will Always go for the free money and easy way out, be it women, or other people's money. He's screwed over Everyone he's ever met! Well I refuse to be one of his victims, and won't allow his influence around my family! Any future with him in it just terrifies me, and it's sad to see my husband hold out any hope with his brother, even though he knows better! Uggg!

It's a beautiful but chilly day here in the PNW, at least the Trick or Treaters won't be getting wet tonight, but also means that we'd better stock up on more Candy, as I've about demolished a whole bag of Kit Kats single handedly, and we normally get a lot of kids, near the 100 mark, and in some years, even More than that! I Love Halloween!

I hope you all are enjoying this Gorgeous Fall Day, and, Happy Halloween Everyone!

Stacey, I hope you are well and tests result were negative!

Upset, I am so happy your groups are working out so well! Such a blessing for caregivers. Stay safe, I hear the eastern seaboard will have 70-80 mph wind gusts.

Idaho does not have any state labor laws, these are federal laws. I most often did not take breaks anyway, just lunch.

Sharyn, State to state rule changes - they were that way in healthcare too.

I did a new group this am. Nice women - younger than the other caregivers I've worked with in the past.

Have another group this afternoon. We have a nurse from Hospice coming to speak. Several of the people in this group have loved ones who may need Hospice services in the near future.

Good Morning all,

I started work on Friday. Well, it's deli work, Lol! What I mean is it's very much the same just a different routine and location. Differences are that in California we had to wear hair nets and a hat/visor. Hot food food that has been out under lights has to be pulled after 4 hours and here it is 6 hours. In California employees get a break when scheduled 4 hours, here an employee must be scheduled 6 hours. Otherwise the same

Thursday I'll be helping my dad with taking the boys to a new pediatrician since she is firing old one because she gave too much resistance in referring E for evaluation. Now to get referral for pediatric occupational therapy evaluation and to see an ENT.

Happy Halloween/All Hallows Eve

Good nite don let the bed bugs bite, back to work.

sh%wb$x is gives you all.

Golden-For now. There have been many times in the past. Where his actions don't match his words.