notrydoyoda Posted January 2012
The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?
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Did not feel the recovery took very long at all. Of course the drops go on for six weeks and i was told not to do anything to get dust in the eye for a week but no other restrictions except not to lift more than five pounds for 7 days. I am sure you will be fine. Eye surgery is so different than it was 50 years ago when patients spent 10 days in the hospital and had to lie on their backs with bandages over their eyes and be fed. Don't know why people refer to them as "The good old days"
Alternatively, have you got any lawyer friends who would be willing to fire off an "unhappy with the delay pay up you scumbags" letter?
Now they're telling me I have to create a spreadsheet. They can make their own spreadsheet if needed. So dumb. Clearly, if the purchase came from the local "Home Depot" type store, it's for home improvement items. I didn't turn in any receipts for things for myself. I'm just sick to death of them. I should never have gone down this route where I was paying for things for this house, but I didn't see a choice at the time. Hindsight is 20/20 here. Darn Cubs better win today or I'm going to be a grouchy bear for a day or two. Why can't the Trust just be helpful for a change??
Things at the center are going well. Several new people. We've rearranged furniture in a couple of places to make it more accommodating. Just minor adjustments. I think the caregivers are pleased.
Apparently arranging a room for mother cannot wait. I talked with the transition coordinator this morning and the ALF mother is in is pushing to get her moved as she is requiring more and more care. She needs to be fed by someone now. Even if I turn this one down and have the eye surgery tomorrow, if another one came up in the next few weeks they would expect me to take it. I need several weeks to recover and want to be especially careful about this eye, so I don't want to risk it. I told her we will take the room and I have cancelled the surgery.They were very nice about it and will get in touch with me later for another date for surgery. So now we are waiting on a call from extendicare again for details about the move. Thankfully R is here and available, though he has a contract in the offing, but not right away, so the timing is good. Once mother is moved into her new single room, we will get more light in her room with lamps. We can then apply for a south facing room which would have more natural daylight. Whew - one needs to be flexible!!!
I suspect there will be a funeral soon, in the area, for that young woman and I would like to go. One step at a time I guess.
I have L for a big part of the day while dad znd E are at evaluation. It is scheduled 6 hours but may get done earlier depending on how cooperating a 3 year old can be.
Pulled a muscle in my back. I guess from coughing. Still not feeling like I should but getting there little by little.
Yes the fires are devasting. It is horrible and Santa Rosa was hit hard with about 15 people lost.
Have a good day everyone!
stacey - so happy for you and dh and your vacation. It is almost a second honeymoon for you two. The winnings are the icing on the cake. I have seen the giant redwoods and they are amazing.
sharyn - the devastation by the fires in California is dreadful, and, for me, brings back thoughts of the fire here last year. So many lives disrupted and in Cali some lost as well. Very sad.
chris - it sounds like your mum has had this attitude for a while. That is most unfortunate and a put-down to you which hurts. Re the Hawaii trip and not asking you, I hear you. Mother would make plans involving me without consulting me. It is dehumanizing. Hawaii would be a great break, but not being consulted, and being expected to share a room cuts across your boundaries.
ali - hope all is going well with the tasks and goals you have ahead.
glad - are you really rethinking this job?
This next few weeks is going to be challenging. The surgery is on my "good eye" (Left) this time so I will have to rely on my "bad eye" (Right) until the L heals. Unfortunately the R lens in my glasses, as well as needing adjustment, is somewhat foggy in places. I don't know what I did to it, but it obscures my vision except for a small area. I am very much looking forward to my new lens. So, practicing looking at things with only my R eye, hmmmm, not so good. I may not be able to drive till my L eye is recovered. Trusting that the surgery will go well again. I was not concerned last time, as even the loss of vision in the R eye would not have been that bad, but, this time...
We didn't get the snowfall predicted here, but R had a somewhat harrowing trip up last night with snow and black ice part way. Hopefully it will be better going back. It is actually below freezing here, but whatever snow has drifted down has melted and warmer temps are forecast for next week.
Time to harvest some of our little tomatoes, more than four dozen of them. Has anyone cut a tomato plant back and have it grow and produce fruit again? The plants are in a south facing window so get lots of sun. I have found a video of someone who did, but I gather it is not always successful.
Have a good day everyone.
Because if my younger PhD brother were here for an extended stay. I know she would ask him to do it.
BarbBrooklyn-I think it is more than dementia. It is an intentional insult. Because of my physical health, for not being like others. She denies it. But, She only accepts that I can do something. When I 'push the envelope'. She was like that with my bike(I bike in high speed suburban traffic. No one else in my family has my health problems, and is willing to do that) and has been that way about her computer.
Interestingly, over half of the motel we are staying at is taken up by Firefighters, and many other rooms are housing displaced folks from this regions fires, it is so sad and has reeked such devastation to so many! I think I've heard that 17 people and firefighters have lost their lives, and so many have lost homes, businesses and farms, just tragic!
On a Happy note, I had another BIG WIN LAST NIGHT, $1600, and then another $600! Hubby has done pretty well also, though not as well as I have, so I've been sharing my wins with him, and we definitely are coming home Way Way Up, and now I have enough money to pay for One Set of New Living room furniture (but I'm going to be getting 2) as well as the coffee table set that I want, and maybe even the matching bookshelf! This was one Luck trip for us, as well as relaxing, plus we couldn't have had more perfect Scenery or Weather!
I even got a jumpstart on my Christmas shopping, buying my Grandsons the Cutest Jammies I've ever seen, plus picked up 2 huge bags of Ponderosa PineCones (some are 11 inches tall and 8 inches around!) from Zepher Cove near Tahoe (those were Free, right off of the ground, Lol) and are great for using in Christmas decorating, and I also gathered up a small bag of acorns, which we don't see in the Seattle area.
It's been a great trip so far, and tomorrow and Friday should SUPER cool too!
Golden, good luck with your 2nd eye surgery! It will all work out for the best with your Mom, I just know it!
Y'all take care now!
Love Stacey
At his request, several years ago, he purchased a computer for his mom, set it up, made sure it was in tiptop working order. Came and troubleshot her every issue.
About 6 months after he set this all up for her, he discovered that she had placed the computer in the trash room of her coop, given the printer to a friend and the keyboard to the person who cleaned her apartment.
Her dementia had progressed and she could no longer understand or operate the computer any longer and clearly didn't understand or care that it still might have value to others, or that she was wounding her son's feelings.
Dementia is cruel that way.
Yes things seem to happen at once. I want a little humdrum!
Major mistake by payroll person at work. She sent what she thought was insurance paperwork for employees to reup for next year, if no changes. What did she send to all employees of the county? Complete list of employees, address, position, Social Security numbers, addresses and rate of pay! Have not decided if I will do anything about this, but did find out that I am underpaid! Payroll person then sent out an email asking us to delete or shred the spreadsheet she had sent. I would have gone directly to IT and asked them to retrieve the email from every county employee. Now thinking maybe this is not the place for me. UGH!
I went off and got my nails done, came home and started to get stuff ready for the trip south tomorrow and got a call that they have a bed for mother in an NH and if I accept they need her moved asap. Obviously I can't do it with surgery on Friday, and explained that to the extendicare worker. You are allowed a decline and maybe two without getting into trouble.
That NH had told me that people are never moved there as a first move and truly I have not been sure it was best for mother as the rooms are not bright but was not worried as I thought there was no chance of her getting in there now anyway. As well, the room that was available was north facing. So I am getting a hold of the transition coordinator to tell her why I have declined and to change the order of preference.
Why does everything happen at once?
I have nothing to give others right now. I have to get ready for the trip for the second cataract surgery. A snow warning for our region has been issued.
The good news is that the lab has the bottle and I have done the paperwork (despite my scanner acting up - why does it always do that when you most need it?) and have sent a deposit so they will start testing. Interesting that the lab guy is a friend of R's brother.
So instead of trying to reverse and change things I am okay with it and starting to feel a little better as time goes on.
If she hasnt and doesnt want you to do it let her pay someone else. The logic is ridiculous but if thats what she wants and she has no respect for your expertise then let her "Pay"
Your mother not acknowleging or respecting your expertise does not take away your skills or ability.
On top of that. She has been saying for eons, that she wanted to get important data off a tower computer. Before she took it to the computer reclamation center. At first, there is no problem with that, EXCEPT
She wants to pay a local tech in town. to do it. Instead of having me do it. This is another slap in the face.
I have computer training, have setup personal computer networks, and personal computer servers.
I am thinking of telling the guy not to come. The guy knows my computer skills and doesn't treat me like an idiot.
First full day at center. It went smoothly. I had 4 individual counseling sessions and one group. PJ had 6 individual sessions. He usually does drug and alcohol counseling so this was a bit of a change. He has been catching up on counseling for caregivers, people with critical illnesses, etc. The intake social workers were very busy, as was the Medicaid specialist. So far, so good.
Stacey, I'm so happy you're having a good vacation time. Let that stress gooooo. :) Enjoy!
Our home is paid for, so we have no worries about urgently selling up, and buying a condo as we once considered. Now the only reason to buy a condo will be due to the physical part of upkeep and maintenance of a home, and I'm sure that one day we will do just that but for right now we have decided to stay put and just fix it up and continue to make it as nice as possible for the eventualities of selling it.
Some really good news is, that in the little few hours that we have spent in the Casinos down here (we can't subject Charlie to Too much time, although she has been as good as gold, and a Lucky Charm) we both have been Winning! Just last night in less than an hour's time on the slot machines, I won $1,100, and my husband won $900, oh, and in the previous few days I have been consistently pulling out three four and $500 wins! So our trip has been essentially paid for what with the free condo and all, however, the trip isn't over yet so hopefully this winning streak will continue or at least we won't put all of our winnings back in! LOL!
We've only got three more days here in Nevada, and then we will be back in to California and winding our way back up through the Redwoods, especifically the AVENUE OF THE GIANTS, which we both are very excited to do! Initially we were going to do it on the way down but decided to head straight to Tahoe due to the issues with the reservations of my sister's condo time-share.
This has worked out great for us, the weather has been perfect although extremely cold in the mornings (30 degrees, Brrrr!), but it warms up pretty quickly and by noon it is up in the low 70s which is my preferred temperature! Also a good thing as I only brought one short sleeve shirt, LOL! So we are off early here for a nice breakfast out, and we are going to find a nice drive up into the Red Rocks and then we are going to go from there and probably spend a few hours in downtown Reno tonight, have dinner and spending our playing the slot machines.
I hope you guys are all well, and enjoying the week as much as we are! Love you all, Stace
At this time, I cannot take it, however it has been brought up by my Rhumatologist as one of the New Pain Management Drugs of the future, unfortunately I still take Narcotic pain medicine for my Arthritic knees and hands, and would have to come completely off of that, as it is an Opioid Agonist, and blocks the opioid receptors, but once people like me who are reliant on pain meds can wean down and off the opioid meds, it could be very Effective at pain control, such as Fibromyalgia pain and Chronic Fatigue
Syndrome, which is an Exciting possibility for My future, as I don't Want to be reliant on pain meds for the rest of my life, but nothing else has worked to date to manage my pain.
The Low Dose Naltrexone (LDN) has shown So many very exciting breakthrough potentials in So many areas of disease management, and is the one drug that I am watching carefully, as more and more private (not Big PHARMA) groups are studying it in all arenas of disease managementand Cures, so I will be interested in how that works for you, plus it's cheap, as it's already been FDA approved (long ago) for safety at the much higher doses, so there's no need for it to go through the Governmental testing again. I am still wondering how/if Big PHARMA will find a way to get it's hands on it, because if there's a way to make a buck, they usually find a way to repackage and re-licence it, which is just so wrong! As I understand, the Low Dose still needs to go through a Compounding Pharmacy, but here, it only costs about 30-60 dollars a month, which is well worth it if it works! Good luck, and I hope it works out for you, and eventually ME, LOL!
My maternal aunt n' uncle are outdoor sporty types. No problem with that. Except they invited my mother n' I to Hawaii for a 'vacation'. There was no asking me if I wanted to go.
Because of my physical health affecting my limbs. The only two sports I will do is Biking n' Bowling. I don't run, and minimally walk.
On top of that, my mother will expect that there will be no problem sharing a room!!! I don't want to go!!!!