The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

Golden thanks for the encouragement.
Glad I just had a light bulb moment!!! My sister is now a twisted, it even feels better not saying the actual word this is more befitting. It used to kind of hurt to say sister. LOL!!

I am happy for everyone with this good news and happiness. I am coming out of my little funk, and will be keeping to my self for awhile. So hearing it repeated felt good.

Rays of light peace and love to you all. There are so many of you out there who make this forum what it is. Your goodness shines. The wisdom is the icing.

The Yukon is snuggly in the garage, no ice scraping for me in the morning, or chapped knuckles, or a red nose!

Bad news is my brother has no interest in helping with mom the last 20 years, tho he used to send money for Christmas and birthday. Good news is now it's my husband's and his youngest brother's turn (middle brother mostly out of it), and the two of them are having meetings about my inlaws care now that they are in crisis a lot, and they AGREE with each other - praise God! There may be some happy family stories after all....

I'm with you on the easy winter! Lemon garlic chicken thighs for supper here. I did a big pot of chili as R is coming and leftovers can be thrown in the freezer when we head south. I still cook enough chili for a family of six. Doing better with the chicken pieces and pork chops. I buy the family packs and freeze some. Oh my, the smell of garlic is wafting through the house...

Sharynm we are having pot roast too! And I have the AC on. Here in MD I remember some years taking my daughter trick or treating in just her costume, and some years so bundled up you could not tell what she was supposed to be! And one year cutting our Christmas tree in tee shirts! I just hope its an easy winter..

Keller, Had my AC on here in central Maine.

Kellse, I would be too if I was still in California. Lots more changes for us here in Idaho with snow coming usually in December. Heavy frost this morning but so pretty out this afternoon. That is what I love about autumn.


Making a pot roast for dinner. I didn’t want to make it until it was a cold day. But i had nothing else in the freezer.

Can't believe I am still running the AC here in Mass

Went to LL Bean sale. There were crowds, but not as bad as some years.

Still no frost and not even having cooler temperatures. Maybe Maine isn't having winter this year.

Having a good Columbus Day off, in this politically incorrect area. Nobody gets CD off any more. Few groceries, new pair of shoes (if they hurt my feet I can exchange them in 2-3 weeks), picked up my taxes (WHOOHOO! did not file before deadline, was just too crazy, moving, unpacking finding my documents). Then garage door company, did not have a remote so had to buy one. Techs came in and had all the remotes in their trucks. They asked me if I knew how to program it, hmmmm, no. They brought the opener over, programmed it, and only charged me for the remote. Small towns are GREAT! People helping people. On the front range it would have cost me at least $100.00! So I could afford the expensive shoes/boots I got.

Oh, and the best part? I will be able to park my yukon inside this winter, the first time ever I will not have to scrape snow and ice. I am in heaven!

((((duck))))) unfortunately the POA can exclude you, but that does not mean you cannot give your concerns to your mum's PCP. just that the PCP cannot give you information. You are in a very difficult situation with having to live there for now and being the one who sees your mother's needs better than your sis. Detaching as much as you can will help you to survive that. I lived with mother and sis ganging up on me all my life too. It is hard. Hope you can get your own place sometime. ((((((hugs)))))

stacey - so good to see that you and hub (and Charlie) are having a good time. I hope it will help you unwind so you don't need an anti anxiety pill. l love the old gold rush stuff. R and I were in Dawson City in the Yukon. It was so interesting and like stepping back in time.

madge - Mark Twain riverboat cruise!!! A new item for my bucket list. Sounds awesome. Frick and Frack - LOL! I remember them. I just think of my sis as a combination of the golden child and the ice queen. No warmth there at all.

upset - so glad it went well. Hope that parent group have got the message. Strange that they are outraged. Obviously it is not for them. Good luck at the sales. I have never been willing to brave the crowds.

margeaux -so good to hear from you. Sorry about the troubles with dh, but glad you spoke up. Sometimes we have to. Your mum is hanging in there! Hope the tooth can be fixed with little bother. Amazing that she has all her own at her age.

glad - your twisteds take the cake. So much trouble-making for you and little sharing of information. I am happy it is behind you. A cat sounds like a good idea - lower maintenance than a dog.

sharyn - hope you feel better after a quiet day. I don't like wind. My mother is very elitist and practiced this on sis - her health, piano lessons etc. Hoping R will get to the lab today with the bottle. I know he is busy with other things. I haven't ever had much use for a lawyer, but will use one I have known for a long time who lived around the corner years ago.

Finally my knee is a lot better - still sore at times, but not painful. I have to start the eye drops tomorrow for the next cataract surgery on Friday. Then I will be done for a while. I am thinking that I will see the MD/ND (who requires everyone to take a series of tests for about $1000 no matter why he/she is going to him,) and ask about getting low dose naltrexone (LDN) for the CFS/FM. There are very few in Canada who will prescribe it for that, but it is well tolerated and helps some, so I may as well try it. I know the tests include some for allergies so I may learn something useful. Snowing again this morning. I guess winter is here. ❄❄❄

Yes, my sister is little princess because she is an elitist who has special sensitivities. It makes me LOL to call her this! When my mom was at her worst with the personality disorder, I referred to her as Cruella Deville (101 Dalmatians). It does depersonalize them so one can detach easier.

Golden, I tried to post that I was happy the lab will work with you and to say getting an attorney when you know the results would be a good way to go.

I haven’t heard anything re the applications I submitted.

Stacey and upset, enjoy your time away vacationing and honeymooning!!

Margeaux, good to hear from you! I hope your hubs is recovering and that you are able to focus on your needs as well. How is your mom and sister?

Too cold to do much today with high winds too. Plus I have either a head cold or allergies, sore throat etc. just a lazy day overall.

Happy Thanksgiving to All who celebrated in Canada 🇨🇦!!

Upset
Since you'll be honeymooning nearby I might suggest a restaurant or two for a celebration dinner - that is if you have any energy left after visiting Disneyland

let me know your preferences

Prime Rib
Italian
Seafood

Frick and frack is good too, Madge!

Anybody have other names they use for crazy sibs?

Glad
I call my no-show siblings frick n frack

Duck, I was stuck as well. Twisteds called APS and accused me of financial exploitation. Had I left before we got through court I would have looked very guilty. It would have been the worst thing I could have done. So, I know where you are. Remember, ts2 was also mom's financial POA with access to all mom's accounts and KNEW I was not exploiting! They even requested my personal account information. Just very, very odd. Where the heck did they think I was getting money from? Oh yea, that money tree in mom's backyard. LOL!

One thing I would like to share is that one of the first responses to my post was to get the h*ll out of there. I have never ever lost that option in my mind and thoughts. Its just that there are other issues and that is not a move I am able to make right now. It is an option that remains open to me and that continue to work towards. In the meantime........

Glad, thanks you have made my heart a little lighter. I know its not much I can do, Its just frustrating to have someone do any and every thing against you from a child to an adult with no correction or chastise and to be pompous and selfrightheous about it. Thanks so much I feel a lot better. I would think i was a raving lunatic by other standards.

Thanks MsMadge, all good SUGGESTIONS!

Margeaux, Good to hear from you.

Glad, You give good advice. Siblings can be a pain in the butt. I'm fortunate that I have a good brother - makes up for the bad one.

Stacey, have a wonderful vacation and time to reconnect with hubby. So much going on since the two of you wed.

Duck, I am so sorry, I know how it is to struggle with impossible twisteds! TS2 who was mom's POA let me run with it while I cared for mom that four years. I would update the two twisteds and auntie dearest following each doctor appointment. TS2 would email back on those, "Thanks for the update". Strange, but probably instructed to do so by her attorney.

When mom moved to AL, that was the end of the communication. TS2 had POA, and she somehow decided she would keep mom's medical info private. Never mind I was second in line, had something happened to ts2 then I would be lost in space.

Sibs, can be very cruel. I heard nothing of mom's health until the fall and possible hip fracture three weeks before she died. I an many here knew it had to be serious for ts2 to contact me at all. Twisteds are just very cruel, and I will never understand why things had to get so out of control. But, that is their issue, not mine! I cared for mom by myself for four years, rarely help from ts2, never from ts1. I did much more than my share. And I would not like to be either of them.

You see, their issue, I believe, was they did not think mom was as sick as she was. After five days in memory care, mom was hospitalized in a geriatric psych unit her behaviors were out of control. Really very sad to think back on it, it did not have to be that way. KARMA has come back at the both of them.

And it will. I just had to detach from the situation completely, they would do what they would do. There was nothing I could do to change it at all.

Duck, know that you are doing the best you can in a very difficult situation. Your twisted is enjoying keeping you as uninformed as she possible can. But, do not let it get to you, that is her problem, that you can do nothing about. Just as with my twisteds, there was nothing I could have done to change the situation, NOTHING! I know that, and have adjusted to it. But, poor mom, had she understood, she would have disowned the two of them. I know that. And now that mom has passed, mom knows it too.

Hugs, Duck. Just keep doing the best you can, that is all you can do. Twisteds will remain twisted until the bitter end. It is their very sad attempt at hurting you, when the person that is really being hurt is mom. There is nothing we can do when these things happen. Take care.

I have been trying to catch up once more here. Oh gee......where do the days, weeks disappear?

I have been having a rather difficult time over here for the last two-three months!
I'd posted some time ago how my husbands brothers were/are dealing with their own particular health issues.
One, the youngest was in the hospital during the summer. He's had Leukemia, managed actually. But he caught e-coli couple mos. ago. Since his immune is compromised it pretty much involved other health issues. He was finally released over a month ago from the hospital, and appears to be doing somewhat better. I say that of course since he lives in another country, so only if we actually hear from him, (rare) other than vague FB posts in a general way. Of course this experience put his other two brothers on edge, (one being my husband), since they had to tend to the financial issues of the hospital stay etc., in a foreign country.

Then on the back of that......my husband first twisted his neck and was sent to chiro/physical therapy.
While he was on the mend from that, he had an ingrown toe nail act up. To get a podiatrist to actually take a look took forever!! Got that addressed finally. Then, he threw his back out two weeks ago, so has been seeing physical therapist for that.

Oh.......I was of course being the dutiful wife, waiting on him hand and foot, (no joke) b/c of the toe issue, HAAH!
It was so draining, plus this man became like in his terrible two's! We sure were at odds, he was really awful to deal with. Anyway, recently, while I was very unfairly being the subject of some harsh criticism, I finally let him have it!! I just couldn't take it anymore. Anyway, all of you, I'm so sorry I come here with this kind of stuff.

Oh......I was trying to be a good caregiver to him, and I was.

Well, I spent the night at mom's last night. I hadn't seen, her in quite some time because I couldn't leave this man alone with the ailments he was having. She really looks more and more frail to me. It was good to see her.
But while I was there when she gave me a big smile, my sis & I noticed she appears to have cracked a tooth.
It's right next to the two front teeth. This kind of made me sad and nervous at the same time to see this in mom. She still has her own teeth at 96. My sis will call the doc this week to see what should be done. But I was thinking.......what an ordeal that would be for her to have to go through dental work now. Anyway, I just wanted to say hi to everyone, & will be catching up. Hope all of you are doing as best as you can, coping!!

Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Stacey,

I wanted to send you condolences as I was reading you lost your FIL. I am very sorry for you and your husband.
You both did a lot for him, and you will both be very blessed for this. May his spirit soar very high, and I will keep all of you in my meditations.

Much Love & Light, Margeaux

Ms Madge, I want you to be my trip planner. Have fun Stacey.

Duck, I'm sorry you're having the problems with your family.

We had the Open House this afternoon. Good turnout and several new people signed up for groups. Things went smoothly except for a group of parents of some disabled children's and young adults. They have been arguing for a month or so that we are discriminating because they cannot use our services or facilities. They have been told by Senior Services that they are not eligible. I explained to them that our program was strictly to meet the specialized needs of caregivers of the elderly and that we simply could not be all things to all people. There are centers close by for their needs.

All in all not a bad day. We're getting up at dawn to go to Freeport for all of the big Columbus Day sales.

Stacey,
Enjoy the heavenly gondola and be sure to get off at the lookout point
Enjoy an ice cream cone after the ride for me

Depending on how long you're there - also look into taking the mark twain riverboat cruise - about 2 hours on the lake

If you don't want to venture far for dinner then hit the buffet on the top floor at Harrah's

Hi ALL, We're here in Sunny Lake Tahoe and its Gorgeous! The weather is perfect, cold and sunny this morning, but going to be in the low 70's later on. Our trip down was So beautiful, both hubby and I love to car travel My little Charlie-girl is the perfect traveler as well, and loves sitting in her look-out carseat, between the front 2 seats. We have a special doggie carrier that allows us to bring her into Casinos and restaurants, as well as a pooch pouch front pack, as she is so tiny and well behaved at only 5 pounds, we never have had any problems with that. Everybody Loves my Charlie!!

So my Dr Rx' d me a beta blocker, which is fine, no problem, but the Buspirone Rx is a terrible drug for me, causing me more side effects that what it is supposed to be fixing!
Dizziness, headache, and I feel completely off kilter, like I'm drunk or something, so I had to discontinue it, after only 4 doses. There is just no way I could enjoy my 1st vacation in a long time, feeling like that.  I am hoping that time away,  with just hubby and I enjoying all of this beautiful nature will restore my  own personal internal ballance, unless there is something really wrong with me, and I'll have to let my Dr sort it.

I know that my DR did All sorts of labs studies on me, autoimmune and endocrine,  which she will review with me when I return. 

The high white count is a mystery, but clearly autoimmune,  so I'm a mess it seems. Today, Not taking the Buspirone,  I'm still feeling anxious, but the chest wall pain has subsided thank God,  as I couldn't have managed a flare up like the last one, while on vacation! 

Lots of fun things planned for today,  up the Gondola at Heavenly Mountain,  then driving to Old Western VIRGINIA CITY, which once was an old mining town. You can imagine how thrilled Coin Collector hubby just loves being in Good Rush area, Lol! We may tour the CARSON CITY Mint, if we have time today, he just Loves that stuff!

So we're off, and I hope you all are enjoying your Sunday! HUGS!!!

Duck, just a suggestion, come up with a name to call your sister. Aren't you fortunate to have just one of them? I think calling mine twisted 1 and 2 helped me to distance myself emotionally from them. More later, I have been just where you are.

I already posted a long whine.
I just learned my sister is healthcareproxy for my mother. I have no problem if she wants to be in charge. Its just that I feel malice. she seems to be gifted at sabatoge. she told my own son I was trying to hurt my mother and trying to take over the house. I have witnessed the same character defamation during intake with my mother for meals on wheels. She and my nephew tried to stop that also thinking I had some alterior motive. I accidently discovered my mother rwas going to doctor, my sister came home early. So I decided to go there and see if her dementia was being addressed. I called and I guess wrong move because I explained my sister was keeping me out of the loop of my mother's care and I wanted to speak with doctor about her dementia being addressed. they said they were addressing it she had been given a pill but he would evaluate if she is taking it. ( MY sister hides the pills) So when they said they would communitcate my call with my sister I said okay no problem.I got there and it waslike I was a villain. I could not get any info. Because my mother was done the doctor said he could not discuss things but the look he gave made me feel like my sister told him a bunch of her lies about me. I am so thirsty for true justice with her. I had already come to terms with her and my mother they were a tag team but my mother in all her ugly knew I would take it because of my love. My sister is a different story. I have no trust in or for her. I am getting to a point of disliking her for her character and morals. I am so tired of being wrongfully judged and persecuted by her and my mother and now my nephew. I lhavent don't anything ever wrong to anyone of them except the altercation with my sister and I grabbed her as she raised her hand to strike me and caught my self but gave her a good go
So here I go again. I think because I very seldom stand up and that I was actually in denial that they both felt free reign in their sabatoge and spite. I don't care about the proxy but I do have a right to know what is being done for my mothers care.

One part of my heart tells me she deserves what she is getting, this poor quality of care and addressing and forseeing her needs and safety. I have tried to not see and not do as far as feeling responsible maintain a clean environment and make sure she is eating. My sister just started seriously bringing her food in this last month. The dog pees constantly in the hall. Sometimes its puddles on the floor. My sister has yet to pick up a mop or do anything as far as cleaning if she buys for my mother the change is in the bag. She does not even look in the refrigerator. Sometimes there are two milks in ther or old molded tomato that she didn't eat andthen she gets two more. My mothers tub was allway disgusting. I used to come and clean when I wasn't there. Its just a mess. I am so frustrated, I find it hardtop communicate this queen of eygpt syndrome my sister had. When I rented the ground floor of her (then) boyfriend house under them (this was after many years of him asking me, renters were not paying and the rent was too high) he was going to lose the house. The bank was sending me notices that I could stay on as a renter. Well he put my sisters name deed and that was to get them off his back. She got mad at me because I wouldn't give her the rent. Ionly paid him. She started ranting this is MY house. I just hope and pray for some kind of true justice when it comes to me and my sister. I hope one day she is made accountable for her malice.

I look at my mother and because of her personality she suffers. She has always been independent and self righteous her feet are constantly swollen now because she wont lay down. Last night she was in living room sitting in chair knocked out. I tried to get her to come up stairs then to lay on the sofa. Finally I just put a storage container with pillow under her feet. As far as my family is concerened, even when my father was alive, I never knew the concept of fairness. This is why I give everyone the benefit of the doubt. Why I hope maybe one day I meet the man of my dreams in my old age and have some one I can trust and love and who truly cares about me. Or just plain old peace and freedom from someone else's sabatoge of my character, my intentions and who I am.
I pray the truth blows up in the matter and shatter all those delusions. I have my own issues and am far from perfect I just try and treat people like I want to be treated. I am at a point where I don't think I can even talk to my sister because e she might do a self righteous look and make me flip. I have so much pent up. I spoke to my counselor on phone before I went to doctors office. Then of course my phone died so I couldn't call her while I was there. Although I am a nurse I have never used a proxy to withhold information. Neverhad to except the regular HIPPA. They wouldn't even tell me when the next apt is so I canspeake to doctor my self. My sister is not going to tell me anything. she don't even answer her phone when I call.

No, Golden, I have not decided on another pet yet. I am with my kids this weekend and must say arranging the trip to the corn maze was much easier not having to worry about Macy. I just do not know. I think a cat is a better idea.

sharyn -so frustrating to lose a post, as is driving in a new place.

oregon - leaving with a suitcase sounds good to me.

upset - you reminded me that it is Thanksgiving this weekend in Canada. R is coming up next week. I will fix him a turkey dinner. 🍗 🎃
Sounds like you are ready and have your bases covered. I expect you will figure out more things for your caregivers as you go along. Hope you and pj are relaxing tonight.

duck - I pulled a tendon I think. It is not good to sit for too long, and the weather does make a difference.

glad - have you decided on another pet yet? Yes, there is hope. Sis is 81 though she doesn't look it..

Must finish the laundry and head off to bed 💤 Nite all!