The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

Ali, Moves are traumatic and almost always in my experience something goes wrong. But it will work out in the end. You'll have so many more job opportunities. Hoping that everything will be better tomorrow.

Ali keep your chin up and your thoughts moving forward! That is all we can do.. best of luck and good vibes being sent your way from MAryland!!

What a day. Movers were here at 9 and of course it was going to be a hectic day but move ended up being 2x as long as they estimated from my accurate description, 2x as expensive. The guys took out the clothes in my dresser and armoire and put into boxes, why? It took longer and now I have to put them all back. Well, whatever, spent all day just moving boxes into new place. My stupid sectional sofa that I wanted to keep, paid storage for, paid to put it on truck and move it across the country, paid someone else to put in garage here for past week, paid to put it on this truck, move it into new place, and at some point I just realized that the poor sofa has had it and the back part isn't even still screwed into the base and the cream color slipcovers are just beyond the help of cleaning and the lovely rattan work is all rubbed off... and I had the guys move it back out of the new place and put in the trash. :-P That pretty much sums up my move today.

I squatted down to move a box at new place and split the entire butt seam of my worn-out work jeans lol. All the clothes were boxed up!!! So I borrowed one of the movers' sweatshirt to tie around my waist until they unpacked the clothes boxes and I could dig through them to find something else. I know I'll find that hilarious someday, but today is not the day!

I'm back at the old house today, will try to get some much needed sleep and then figure out how much I can tackle tomorrow and what is a priority. Still so much work to do, if I stopped to think about it, it would be overwhelming... and I'm just still not at all sure this move -- to this place -- is a good idea but I'm hoping that's just jitters and things will somehow work out.

Got a voicemail from Trust Officer today. I listen to the message with my heart in my throat, pit in my stomach, I just want to know what they're going to decide about whether or not to reimburse my receipts, I so much want to hear the words that they will approve it... 

They're going to meet again about it next week. ARG!!!

This is par for course, it's been a miserable experience dealing with them, it's going to be rocky until I'm done done. One step at a time.

I'm feeling so unsure about everything but I'm hoping a lot of that is due to -- it's a big change, it's a lot of money, it's an unsure future, I'm on my own (which is what I want but it does come with uncertainty, especially right now), everything in front of me is So Much Work yet to do... I'm tired, it's a full moon, big things haven't gone well or worked out for me in some time but it won't be like that forever...

I'm so terrified that I physically feel a little ill. I took a bit of a Valium and I'm eating and I'll rest and try to figure out what I can tackle tomorrow.

I know I just have to keep plodding along but this all feels strange. I've always been self directed in moves before, I knew I wanted to move someplace, it felt like the right thing to do. This feels different. But maybe that's just because I'm older, a little more worn from the past 6 years.

Any which way, no matter what happens, all I can do is give myself a break for the rest of the night and try to be ready to work my way through more things tomorrow.

Jessie, is your mom diabetic with neuropathy? Neuropathy can cause sensations in the feet and legs.

Poor L. The cure was worse than the problem in his case. At least the outcome was good.

My mother goes to a podiatrist every 3 months. The doctor said her feet looked fine a couple of weeks ago. The disorder I was reading about was due to false signals being sent to the brain that cold feet were wet. She does do double socks under slippers, so I know her feet sweat. She wraps her toes in toilet paper -- she has for years -- because she said her feet sweat so badly. The toilet paper is dry when she removes it, so she may have had this wet feet thing for years.

It's hard to figure out how to deal with things like this. I can't call in repairmen to fix imaginary water. We went through another thing for several years that the floor was sinking under her when she walked. She wanted to have the foundation fixed. Now we've gone from sinking floors to water seeping from her feet and washing machine.

Let me up! I've had enough crazy for one lifetime.

Jesse, cold feet, wet feet. My feet get very cold this time of year and they feel wet in socks because my feet are sweating, so socks are wet, so they get cold.

L had walked around in wet socks for years. Turned out he had a cyst, the size of a pocket watch on the bottom of his foot. Finally talked him into having it removed. It became infected and he was admitted to the hospital with MRSA. A three week stay, a toe amputated, then to rehab for three weeks. He recovered and really wished he had had that cyst removed years ago. This had been going on for at least twenty years.

Hi Chris. Neither is mine close to drooling. Thank you God. She takes her own meds , bathes nightly. Does wear same clothes until reminded to change them. She drives once a month. 5 miles to the hair dresser. My mom has next to no short term memory, diagnosed with MCI with amnesiac features about a year ago. I just clean a lot to escape the repitition of her questions. I may have posted on a different thread . Sorry if I was confusing.

Erin, She isn't close to drooling. But her driving still bothers me. She weaves a lot on the interstate.  She ran over the rumble strips a number of times.

My mother has a deepening problem. It started off with her legs oozing water a couple of months ago. We handled that and it got better. For the past two weeks she keeps changing socks, talking about them being dripping wet. I feel them and they are dry. She doesn't accept it and keeps changing, going through multiple pairs in a day since she wears double socks under her slippers.

Today she came to my room and said I needed to call the drainage guy about all the water on the back porch. I told her not to worry, that it was dry. She said her feet got wet just walking out there in all the water. She told me to watch the washing machine, because it was probably coming out of there. I needed to call someone and get a new washing machine, too.

I'm listening to her and looking out of the bone-dry concrete on the enclosed back porch. The washing machine is setting there looking normal. She can feel the water with her feet and hands, she said. She's not crazy, she knows it's there.

I read something about a disorder where cold feet feel wet to a person. When it feels wet to hands and they can see water, though, is different. I guess it is filling in the blanks so that everything fits together. I don't know why she can't be reassured that all is okay about the water. She doesn't recognize, and won't accept, that anything is wrong with her brain, so it must be wrong with the daughter.

Very early fall, and look what came in as a volunteer! Snow by early next week.

Hi Chris. Been there, still there . Don't know how the caregivers stay sane. I clean a lot. Lol. But true

My mother's memory, and hearing. Are going in tandem.

We were at the dentist yesterday(we both had our teeth cleaned) and the dental hygienist who we have seen for several years. Noticed what I told her. I told my father(he lives near the house) tonight. He wants me to let him know if it gets' worse.

My aunt(retired nurse) keeps denying there is a problem.

C'est la vie

Stacey, Have a wonderful trip to Tahoe.

Today thru Friday is the count down to opening the caregiver center. We have our open house on Sunday afternoon. Monday will be our first day of service. Counselor/Therapists/Social Workers have fairly full schedules for next week. I'm excited to open, but nervous too. Hopeful that things will go smoothly. All of the staff has been hired and everyone has been working this week to get everything set up. We have our telephone system installed. A local business that was expanding donated their old system. A huge system and it is exactly what I wanted. They were kind to send their receptionist over to train our administrative person how to use. Computer tech from the University will be here today to install everyone's computer's. They did all of connection wiring yesterday. So much to do.

Hi All, it's been a very busy day today for us. I was in a minor car accident last Saturday. I was the lead car at stop light, and was rear-ended by the guy behind me, His Fault, Obviously! Grrr!

But the guy was a total jerk, screaming and swearing at me, very aggressive and calling me filthy names and trying to intimidate me, it was so scary! So I called the police and my husband, and soon, both arrived. The cop told us to move our cars over to a pull out on the side of the road, and I got out to take pix of the damages to my car, and his, as well as his license plate, and he began screaming at me again! The cop told him to STFU! LOL!

ANYHOO, today we took my car into the adjuster and auto collision clinic, the guy has Geico insurance, who have been pretty amazing, actually, the've called me several times to check on me, and to arrange the rental car, which was there ready at the collision clinic.

We drove off in a nice compact car, but on the way home, my sister called to say that our reservation for the Condo (her time-share, she gave us a weeks stay!!!) was able to be made and confirmed in only a 3 day notice, and we are leaving for Lake Tahoe, with a drive through the "AVENUE OF THE GIANTS" Redwood Forest, in Northwestern California, in route to Lake Tahoe, we leave this Friday! And a free weeks stay at her Condo, WOWWEE!

We're So Excited, to finally get to getting away, and to a place we both love! The drive through the AVENUE OF THE GIANTS is gorgeous 40 mile detour off of SR 101 coastal hi-way, and the giant Redwood trees are an incredible sight to see, if you've never been, you must put it on your bucket list! (GOOGLE THIS to check it out!)

There are several tourist trap like places, where you can actually Drive Through a Giant Redwood Tree, and take a pix of your car while doing it, cheesy, but fun!

This part of the trip always reminds me of old family vacations to Disneyland and The California coast, it always puts me back into the 60's & 70's Era Vibe, Lol! Now where did I put my bellbottom Jean's and my Halter-top? Oops, that was about a million years and an additional 100#'s ago! Lol!

So we got home with the compact rental car, and I decided I wanted a more luxury and Bigger car for our trip, so we turned it in for a nice SUV, as my (new) car which is being fixed is a Lincoln MKX SUV, and that's what we intended on driving in, so now we've got "Nice wheels" to really enjoy the road trip! I Love a good Road Trip this time of year, with the weather and the turning Fall Colored leaves should be a nice distraction to the recent passing of my FIL.

Our Sunday Memorial turned out Lovely, with all our kids and Grandies. Dinner afterwards, it was super nice! All our kids showed up dressed up, and looking so Smart! I'm such a Proud Mama!

I still have some executive duties to perform, closing out FIL's 2 pensions, and his Life Insurance policy as well, then we're all done, except for a few Hospital bills that I'm sure will trickle in.

Headed to Wallymart now, for some odds and ends for our trip, and early to bed for a fresh start in the morning, tying up loose ends before Fridays launch on our 1st Vacation in over 10 years together! Whew, I can't believe it's been that long! Last time we did this trip, it was in our Corvette Convertible, but my Charlie-girl isn't up for the wind and the sun, so not an appropriate "ride", for her. It's gonna be Great and I Can't Wait!!! I probably won't be able to sleep tonight, Again!!!

Love to you you all!!!

This site is full of so much insight wisdom and experience. I love reading the rundowns given issues, legal or otherwise, its very informative and good to know.

Brenda and Whirl, welcome aboard. Ali I am not up to date with what is going on but I am wishing you the best in all.

Brenda, welcome to the thread. I am a floodplain manager, not in Texas. From all I have seen and read, a great deal of the problem with the flooding is due to the different jurisdictions not requiring developers to plan project detention or pay for improvements to whatever infrastructure there is in the area. Maybe like Arizona, the jurisdictions plan on floodwaters being carried by the streets, without stormwater drainage systems. That is a matter of local policy.

On insurance, when we finance a home we are all offered flood insurance even if the home is not located in the floodplain. Those of us, not in the floodplain, usually decline the coverage. To be covered by insurance in a flooding situation for FEMA assistance and coverage you need to carry the rider on the policy.

It will be interesting to see how this all works out. As there are FEMA regulations in place that communities are required to incorporate into their own regulations to be included under the FEMA umbrella, no pun intended.

It is very disturbing the flooding that occurred in Houston as it was New Orleans, flooding on the east coast as a result of Sandy. FEMA permitted New Orleans to rebuild, below sea level. The government has known this for years. Why did this happen? Because there is an exemption for historic properties if rebuilt with same materials to maintain historic integrity.

Lesson learned, if there is the remote chance that you may be flooded, purchase the flood coverage. If you are not located in a FEMA designated 100-year floodplain the coverage is relatively cheap.

I am curious though about why it would make a difference whether you are living there or not. Had you changed your address to somewhere other than your Texas home. I would think that the priorities would lie with homes that were occupied especially if there is no flood insurance on it.

And then there is always the question of insurance on a structure that is not occupied at the time of an event. If you are not occupying you need to notify your insurance company and it will effect your premiums. I know, I had a fire at my home. After the rebuild, I was not living in the area any longer and listed the house for sale. How much did my insurance premium increase? It went from $1,200.00 a year to $4,300.00 a year simply because it was not occupied.

Ali, Glad you are in contact with the new trust officer. I hope that your email/letter will get your reimbursement for you. You've been thru too much to not receive the funds you deserve. Have the good dinner and show. And perhaps a spa day might be in order.

Hi Brenda, Welcome to the thread. I'm sorry about the depression and that FEMA is declining you assistance simply because you weren't living there. I would talk to them again. Good luck!

Hi Brenda! Welcome to the thread. So sorry to hear of the damages to your home in Texas. It doesn’t seem right FEMA wouldn’t help just because you were not living there at the time of the hurricane. Maybe others on here know more about that than I. I can understand the depression and then getting away from the situation for a time.

This Brenda. I'm for a week in Texas, checking on my home. It's totally destroyed, but I've lived here 40 years coming from California, & have met some wonderful people. I left my son's grandmother in the care of her only living female cousin and she had appointments all week. I tried to pay someone to help her with transportation but she said no and I just said, ok. I'm learning to leave people where their at. They both have tried to make me check in daily by phone but I have called only once to give the time of my return. Lol lol Texas, homes have been devastated with the floods, but the city does not look like it did when Hurricane Rita hit. Sure its a lot of trash from walls & floors sitting in piles & furniture, stice & refrig's etc but unlike with Rita, tress were not uprooted & homes smashed in. Rita's devastation almost put me in major depression as I had never seen anything like this. But I tell yall, I've been here 4 days and I'm enjoying myself. I took care of what I could 4 my home, speaking to the right people (not a lick of insurance) and found out FEMA may not do anything 4 me because I wasn't there at the time. That is my main address. I was only away because my son's granmaw has cancer & has no one 2 help her. I was returning home just b4 the storm hit as I had become tired. I had become depressed. I had become angry. I felt like a victim. So I don't know what's going 2 happen & I'll just see what they say but since I have no home to return to, I plan to return but I'm going 2 save my money and return back but try to find a small place outside of here. I know people here. I have family here. I'm involved in community here but away from home I get out & absolutely love it but when I get back to her home, I become depressed, even angry. I can't live like this and it isn't fair to either of us.

Hi, I'm somewhat new to this thread. I need to catch up and read past posts; I'm just here to vent and say that I HATE my husband's dysfunctional family. They have a way of disrupting our lives and making each day harder than necessary. Last night, I discovered that one of them has convinced a friend to "stalk" my business social media account, trying to get information on me and my clients. Long story, but something like this is never good. I swear, if they mess with my business...

I also feel very alone in this. Friends don't get it. Until you've had crazy, narcissistic, psycho family members, you don't truly understand. I wish my DH's family would just leave us alone! Because yeah, THIS is just what we need, while trying to care for Dad!

That is all, thanks for listening.

Madge, you're right, I should do something nice when I get the reimbursement. :-) A nice dinner out or a show, or BOTH. What a nice thought. Thanks for saying that, gives me something to smile about today. Ugh... now back to planning and preparing for the move-move.

Thanks, cwillie. I'm not mad at her in any way, you're correct. I wasn't trying to "plead my case" more than I felt I was asked to do. I typed 3 pages (that was more concise, non emotional) describing the gist of things that have made the situation difficult and submitted that with the receipts. If that wasn't enough, then I needed to lay it out for her and others, I guess.

Thinking about it now, it is odd that I'm basically repeating what I put in the letter, except now I'm turning up the details a bit, telling her how horrible things were, how sick I was, how uncooperative (to put it mildly) they were. I'm wondering if she got that letter, if she read it. I'll ask her. I tried to answer any questions with that letter.

Soooo... I sent her another brief email asking if she read the letter and I attached a copy to the email and sent it to her.  

Ali, I haven't followed this thread consistently, so I'm not aware of all the issues with reimbursement.

But before you send that e-mail, you might want to take a second and thorough look at what documentation addresses your reimbursement. If there are categories, enumerate them, then classify your expenditures in those categories.

That saves the Trustee from doing that, getting bored or annoyed, and I would think would be a welcome treat for them by their not having to figure out what falls into which legitimate category.

E.g., if you have travel expenses, relate them to something authorized in the contractor or trust, such as meeting with funeral directors, travel to visit grave site to ensure correct marker placement, etc. These would all fall under end of life expenses.

Preparing the house for sale would include cleaning, meeting with contractors, purchasing of supplies (including travel to get the supplies), etc.

Just a precaution Ali, you don't need to leave anything out but try to be concise, this new trust officer wasn't one of those who wronged you (right?) so winning the war is preferable to winning points.

I re read my email. I think it conveys my perspective pretty well. If this doesn't get my reimbursement, nothing short of legal action will.

Guest, thank you !!! for that input. I actually included your comment verbatim in my (lengthy) email. I put it in there as a summary-type paragraph.

Thank you for reminding me that I am SO DESERVING of this reimbursement. They have treated me so poorly through all of this horrible situation. And due to the supremely emotional context of it all, if I start describing what I've been through, why I didn't have any faith that this Trust would help out as they should have, I just get angry and sad. :-( Which I did... get angry and said trying to relay a little bit about *everything* as to why the receipts came now and not starting in 2011. I rambled out a big lengthy email that told the new TO more bad stuff that I've dealt with and why the relationship with them was so acrimonious from the beginning.

It was a bit of an indulgence, perhaps, to let fly with so much but... screw em. I've put up with their crap for 6 years, they can take a little bit of mine.

Ali, yousay
I was overwhelmed as solo caregiver trying to preserve Dad's assets as long as possible. Now that he is in a safe situation and financial arrangements can be redressed, I am requesting reimbursement. I am not currently seeking general contractor fees for repair coordination or medical reimbursement for being in an unsafe environment with mold and other dangerous organic and inorganic compounds that were not properly removed despite notification. That can always be further discussed with counsel if we have a problem reaching mutual agreement. When may I expect the check to complete my departure so you can sell the house? By the way, update the insurance policy to be an unoccupied dwelling. Thank you.

Ali,
When you get your reimbursement, treat yourself to something spectacular - dinner at Webber Grill or go see Hamilton