The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

OMG! Upset! Congratulations!!!! I am so happy for you, you deserve it and PJ sounds like a great guy, I am thrilled for you!
Sorry been out of the thread again, this time it was my monthly nightmare and my usual stack of "things to do" that have kept me busy or in various stages of consciousness. Today was my first day feeling somewhat better. Managed to do a little gardening and then was wiped out. Hopefully tomorrow will be better. No, nobody followed me from the "bad thread" I honestly think someone hung it out to "bait people" as they were never heard from again. Anyway, once again, gotta catch up on everything but the first thing I saw was Upset's ring, 🤗🍾💘💍 and you really deserve it after all you have been through!
I will catch up on everyone tomorrow. I am trying to stick to my schedule of getting all the "to do's" done so I can enjoy October. Things are moving along. A few more dreaded projects and I can feel a lot less weight on my shoulders. Getting up and cleaning Mom's roof of leaves and pine needles is one of em. Ugh. My husband is afraid of heights. 🍂🍁 Congrats again Upset!

Ali,
Be careful not to throw out the pickle man (old movie reference)-
just kidding but isn't it always the nice ones we don't want to kiss And the kissable ones we should avoid 😂

Thanks Ali.

Dating, I used to feel like the line from "The Big Chill" - In the first 5 minutes I know what 's wrong with them.

Boring Saturday night. PJ is in Boston going to football games with grandsons in college and took my brother and little boys with him. I'm looking at Vegas hotel wedding packages.

NICE BLING, Upset!! lol Very pretty ring! It's difficult to photograph jewelry because it's usually so small, even that much more difficult if you're forced to use your non-dominant hand. :-)

The measuring went fine and thank you for asking. Now I have to plot out furniture placement and figure out how much will fit. :-) I haven't done that yet. I could work on it now, actually. I'm loafing a little -- it's Saturday evening here and I have no plans.

Golden, I hope you're recuperating well from your procedure. Thinking of you.

I had a date last night, someone I met via online dating. It was ok. We had a great conversation about elder care and he told me about his experience caring from his mother during her decline into Alz. The mom is now deceased. He's a nice guy. It's not a love match. I suppose I should tell him that since he's asked to get together again. Thing is, I would be open to seeing him again because he's nice and we had a very fun conversation. We split the check so it's not like I'm "taking advantage" of his interest in me. I don't know... sometimes dating in 2017 is a mystery to me lol. I'll tell him I don't think this is heading towards anything romantic and see what he says. I don't want to lead him on but I sure did enjoy his company.

Stacey, Ali The ring is on my avatar. Terrible pic I'm left-handed trying to take a pic of left hand with my right - yikes I didn't know how clumsy I am.

Ali, How did the measuring go?

Stacey, You and Charlie are doing a great job with your FIL.

I just looked on her message board and thought I could be remembering wrong. I do that sometimes. :)

Rainey said something about posting in one of the controversial threads and getting upset. She said she was thinking about leaving for a while. I suspect that one of the people involved followed her over to this thread. I don't know that for sure. Rainey could be back soon. I understand. Sometimes you just have to take a break for a while.

Stacey... I don't want to be a busybody... but have you thought about a plan for if FIL lingers for many more months? If you're doing ok with the burden of his care needs, then by all means of course you can make the decision to keep doing it. I'm just asking because... well... you did seem to want your own life back and you almost got it and now here you are again. I'm not trying to be negative. I KNOW how these things aren't a straight line! Perhaps setting a time limit that you'll keep FIL in your home is something you want to discuss with hubs. Just an idea.

You seem good, overall! I'm proud of you, how well you're managing this difficult situation.

Do you think you could do another 3-6 months of at home care for FIL? I'm just curious if you've thought about it. (I'm nosy, sorry! lol)

Upset, I was asking myself the same question a day ago. I suppose it's like anything, where people get busy or sidetracked by something and stop posting so often. I remember seeing a post from her a week ago, I think it was, and she hadn't been posting daily for a bit but she said it was just because she was busy with her life and her mom's care.

That's what I think I remember reading but... to be honest, I could be mistaken lol.

Where's Rainey?

Stacey, I was married for 25 yrs and have one son, 3 grands. He was married for 18 yrs and had 5 kids (3 still living), 32 grandchildren (28 living) and 3 great-grands (triplet 3-yr old boys). He has 3 grandsons who live with him (12-yr old and twin 8-yr olds). The other 4 who lived with him are in college -2 at Massachusetts Institute of Technology, one at Providence and one at Boston College. He has good kids and grandchildren. I'll do that with the ring.

Golden, so glad you've got your eye surgery behind you, and that it was a success!

You too Veronica, I hope all goes well with your Cataract surgery too! I sure do appreciate all of Your Nurse help and suggestions in regards to my FIL, and the recent troubles we have been having with him! Today is a Good day!

SharynM, Little E is gonna be just fine, having a Great Mommy and Grandma always there to cheer him on through life! I Love hearing how he likes to line up his cars and blocks in perfect lines, sounds like you may have a little  Engineer on your hands!

There's nothing wrong with being Special! He might very well turn out to be Super Successful in Something, it's just about finding that Something, and Encouraging it!

My 7 year old Grandson has ADDHD, AND is struggling with Reading. The school system has a special program for him, and they have also recommended a tutor for after-school. It's very expensive though, and we are doing our best to chip in a little here and there as best we can.

My husband has been giving our Grandson's Coins, trying to get one or more of them interested in his hobby. Be careful what you wish for as it turns out, all 3 are interested, Lol, and hubby's coin collection has taken a HIT! LOL! 32 years my husband has collected coins (he's loaded with them), and now each of the boys hit him up each time they come over, and that is Exactly what they are for!

Hubby now has our second bedroom set up as his "Collection Room", and that's the first place our Grandson's hit, as they enter our home. The eldest of this group, Kayden brought a Quarter Coin book that still had a few holes left to fill, and that is something my husband loves to do with the kids, as the boys really do seem interested, and are not just money grabbing, Lol! The jury is still out on the 3 year old, but he sure is a Cutie, and he loves to Talk, Talk, Talk!

Things have been really difficult these past 10 days or so, with my FIL (on Hospice) fighting a UTI, and having mental confusion, agitation and delusions.

Our Nurse is super responsive to his and our needs, Rx'ing new meds you help with that, and to help Him And US, get a good night's sleep. With his Lung cancer presumably advancing (there's no monitoring of that so we'll never know), his symptoms could be attributed to so many different things. Dementia for sure, metastasis to the brain possible, infection for sure, and reactions to the myriads of medications and simply beige bed bound, and it all ads up to Confusion for this sick old guy!

I have become much more close your him, because he has become my little PET PROJECT here, nearing the end of his life! I'm really trying my best to keep him happy and upbeat.

I think that I have mentioned that my little Charlie-girl has become Super Protective of him, and she alerts us to every sound or call out that he makes. Just this morning, hubby had done the morning routine with FIL, and was headed out to the grocery store. I was outside in the back yard, and Charlie started barking up a storm! So I went inside to investigate, and there's Charlie-girl, sitting in on the chair besides him, do I asked him "What's Up, did you need something?", and he said I TOLD CHARLIE TO GO AND GET YOU, so now he even has my little doggy manipulated! It was pretty cute though, she really watches out for him, and damn if she doesn't make sure he is getting good care! Lol!

Otherwise, things are going along pretty well, the days are a lot of jumping up, going to his aid, and when you get to him and ask what he would like, he then forgets why he called for you in the first place.

He is still eating and drinking, so unless he is feeling poorly with this infection brewing, I think he's still going to be around for a while. But he looks so frail and fragile, so skeletal and thin, and there have been days in the last 10 where I thought we were entering the final stages, but here today is a good day, following a good night's sleep which required little medication to achieve, and he is eating and drinking and alert, it's all baffling really! Two nights ago, he fought us all night long, going from agitated to combative to konked out. Hospice care ain't for Sissies!

Guest and Glad, I believe it read where you both recently lost your dog's, and I'm so sorry! It's devastating to lose your loyal companions, I know that I cannot even fathom losing my pooch! My heart goes out your you both! Until you meet up with them again in Heaven! And Remember, They are no longer hurting. HUGS!

Send,, Glad, CM, all of you, Thank you for all your supportive posts on my wall!

Today I'm getting out to see my sister, it's been about a week since I've left the house, and I'm going a little stir crazy, but I'm a homebody and it isn't bothering me too much!

Love catching up on all you guys, So Sorry if I've missed anyone! It's hard to go back and read Every page, time permitting. You all have a great weekend! Love you guys! 😘😙😚

UpsetSister WAAHOOO!!!

Snap That Man Up Off The Market Before Somebody Else Gets their Meat Hooks Into Him!!! LOL!!!

HE'S A KEEPER, THAT ONE!!
CONGRATULATIONS, Really, that's just Awesome!! We need little Happiness and Excitement Around Here!

I don't recall if you have been married before not, but with All those kids, I'm assuming that PJ has been, Lol! He got great kids and Grandies, he must be a stellar parent, and is Obviously a Great Boyfriend now Fiance! YAY! I'm Super Excited for You Both!

Now take a pix of your Engagement Ring, and make it your Avatar, because I wanna See It!!! I Love Love! ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

Great news Golden!

just a drive by -the surgery went well yesterday and the dr checked my eye out this morning - A1.

Heading back home after dropping by to see mother and tell her we have seen some nice NHs.

have a good one everyone!

Upset, good the hospital helped you with litigation and avoiding attorney fees. My sis took a medication for psoriasis which caused a corn on her little toe to fall off. Being diabetic, the pit the corn left on her toe would not heal. My thoughts are this medication should not be used with people who are diabetic. Her toe was saved after putting stints in her leg to increase circulation.

Sharyn, My kidney disease was diagnosed. The nephrologist put me on a medication that was not for the type of kidney disease I had. It was a hospital nephrologist where I was working at that time. The drug company had said it could be used for two different types of disease. The hospital really helped me get an optimum settlement and I didn't have to give up any of my settlement to lawyers. The hospital had a video of a drug rep touting the drug for all kidney disease to the staff nephrologists and pharmacy dept. It was not a pleasant experience. I've done everything they've told me to mitigate the effects. I follow my diet, exercise, etc. I check every medicatin I 'm prescribed and also have my medication manager check. After that experience I don't think one can be too careful.

Thanks Barb!! We have a lot to learn about this and waiting for E's evaluation so a learning/teaching plan is created. I tried to talk with my dd, she like so many younger people are very concerned about Their child thinking there is something wrong with themselves and he will figure out in time he does not fall within the norm. I'm not sure if that means she will not tell him.  I would hope she tells him when he can understand but not that there is something wrong with him, we all learn differently.  

An odd thing, paying a family member for care was permitted under the policy. Had the policy not lapsed perhaps none of the legal issues of the past six years would have occurred. Be very specific in your POA instructions, people! If you would want to pay that family member for care, specify it and how much for what!

Sharon, I don't know anything about programs in Idaho. Here in NYC, we have a specialized program in the publics schools that uses a variant of RDI as part of the speech mandate for students on the spectrum. At the preschool level, there are specialized programs using ABA. Two other methodologies are Floor time and TEACCH.

Upset, you have kidney disease as a result of the medication you took?? That is scary, have to be careful with so many medications now.

Glad, your ts2 was determined to get the most inheritance from mom that she allowed the LTC policy to lapse. Shameful.

With my family history of Alzheimer's, I wasn't taking a chance of getting it and don't want my kids to have take care of me in their homes or mine. The responsibility of POA, advocating and everything else needed with facility care is more than enough responsibility without 24/7 caregiving.

Glad, That is so wrong! PJ has his set up to automatically be paid and his CPA son is a signer on the account in case he is ill, etc. I have mine deducted quarterly. My son would be notified if there was some reason there wasn't money in the account. I bought mine after I was given an inappropriate drug by a nephrologist. I knew at that point my kidney disease would progress more quickly. Chances are slim that I would live long enough to have a need for long term care, but you never know. I think when you start aging it's best to expect and plan for the worst. As my dad used to say, "Getting old isn't for sissies". He hated being ill and aging. He died of kidney disease at 67 after a year or so of illness. His mother and sister also died of kidney disease in their mid 60's after about a year. I was diagnosed earlier and I think despite the medication problem, I've had better medical treatment and I am definitely more compliant with diet. 

It is 2:30 and no sleep on the horizon. I've read, walked, had a drink of water.

We talked with both the Maine wedding planning crowd and also with the California contingent and my cousin and her husband that we want to come. Everyone likes the Sunday before Thanksgiving in Las Vegas. My DIL travels to Vegas on business every month. She is going to send me info on a hotel that has nice weddings. She and my son went to his cousin's wedding there last spring and thought everything was done nicely. I'm not sure about a honeymoon with over 30 people, but PJ thinks it might be fun. Maybe???

Oh Wow Glad!!

Sharyn, ts2 was notified and she did nothing!

My mom's LTC policy had a 60 day lapse period. We stayed ahead of our mom as she kept trying to stop paying it. My LTC policy is set up to notify another person (spouse, child) if payment is not made. Older policies didn't do safe guards. It's a shame.

Upset, long term care insurance is wonderful, if the premium continues to be paid. My mom had long term care insurance, then in her confusion either decided to stop paying the bill, of forgot. By the time POA twisted realised mom had been diagnosed with dementia. So, of course, insurance company would not reinstate the policy with payment of missed payments. Long term care premiums should be setup somehow so the insured does not have to do it themselves and do not see it coming out of their accounts. Companies must make quite a bit off these policies that are unintentionally cancelled because someone with dementia is the one responsible for paying the bill.

I know they work with him at home. He attends a small, private kindergarten. I know from seeing him at church that he definitely has some socialization changes. They used to not attend Sunday School because he didn't interact. Now he attends. He speaks relatively easily. Seems more comfortable around people. I don't see him other than at church.

Yes, upset I read more about it. It is very extensive and done at home. I guess you sign up online unless a specialist refers you.

The family that I know bought into the program privately, but there may be other options.

It sounds like a great program that would be helpful so those on spectrum can have meaningful relationships!!! I ask my dd about it.