The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

Thank you all for you kind thoughts and prayers! My FIL slept well until about 9:45am, and it was a nice bit of peace and quiet this morning even if I didn't go back to sleep! My son popped in to help my husband carry in a new 150# safe that he bought at Costco, as the key feature on our old one got stuck, and my FIL'S Rescue meds were locked inside, and thankfully my husband drilled out the key hole a couple of days ago, so those much needed meds were available to us last night, Ugg!

My daughter also popped in this morning, as she was originally going to sit with Gramps this morning, to give us a couple of hours break, but then last night's episode happened, and we didn't feel comfortable leaving him alone with her, so we just had a nice visit.

A Very nice (and Handsome too, WOWZA!) Male RN came by this morning, I am sure it was because I got teary on the phone to them this morning, when I called in to speak with the on call RN, about verifying the new medication regimen. Med orders can become blurry I have found, when you end up speaking to 3 or more Nurses during (what I perceived) a crisis, or sudden change in my FIL'S behavior, but he was So nice, very comforting, and told us we were doing a great job and everything Right! He also changed his Foley catheter, and ordered more meds for us, so things feel much more under control, now in the light of day.

My FIL is definitely weaker today, which shows especially in his speaking voice, which becomes very faint, when he doesn't have the Ooomph behind it. He is bright and chipper still, but has no recollection of yesterday's funny turn, nor any of his in the night doings! Lol! Hubby and I are tired however, and I've had a cry, and my eyes are swollen. I just got scared of what is to come, but both the Nurses last night on the phone, and the one who came this morning said that infections can be tricky, can cause all sorts of strange symptoms, and that they don't All lead to Sepsis, as I originally thought, but Man oh Man, the Nurses was impressed with the thick and ugly Pus, that is draining out into his tub8ng and bag! He said that it is quite possible he is headed that direction, and gave us an idea of what to watch for.

They have given us the tools and free range to treat his agitation and delirium, and said we will know, if it indeed becomes Sepsis and then Septic Shock, but for now it is a very bad UTI, and we will go from here. Whew!

Veronica, you were right about the middle of the night Lorazepam that my husband gave him, it did the trick, and our Nurse team is on board, and said that we have a good handle on the meds, but it is Scary, as they are very High Power, and I'd hate to be the one who ....., you know! Yikes! It's really scary stuff, when you've never dealt with meds like this before, hence the reason why it needs to be under lock and key! That, they did stress to us at the beginning!

So I've calmed down now, have a better handle of what to do, and what to look for. FIL is all changed and fed and settled into watching football, quite calm, as anyone would be given the new dosing schedule, Lol! Now where is MY NURSE when I need one! Lol!

Another day in the life, huh? Things had been going on so smoothly and regularly, much like the movie Groundhogs Day, and then This happened, and sent me into a tizzy! I'm sure there will be more, but I'll try not to Overreact! I always say, YOU LEARN SOMETHING NEW EVERY DAY! And now I have! Lol!

Now where did I put my Valium? Lol!

Just kidding!!! 😉 ❤❤❤

Stacey, hang in there. I would do the same in your shoes. Once your dad has his pain/anxiety under control, I think it would be fine to move him to the hospice hospital. You will be able to be comforted there as well. (((Hugs)))

Stacey, so sorry you are having to deal with this. Prayers for you, your Husband and his Father. (((((HUGS))))))

(((Stacey))) hugs and prayers for you, hubby and fil. Can you have a nurse help for some hours so you and hubby can some rest, even if you don't sleep, maybe get something to eat.

Stacy your situation is unbearable for you but not one hospice nurses don't witness often.Many times doses of medications need to exceed what would usually be considered "normal" The nurses are usually given a range of doses they can authorize and after that need to get a Dr's authorization. Hubby's extra dose did the trick last night so request a doseage increase so you can give it before his anxiety gets to an unbearable point. If it is not working call the nurse that is what they are there for.
My thought is that the end may be close. What clues me into this is that the day before he was alert and wanting to eat. There is often a day like this just before the end. so keep up the meds and don't worry if you can't wake him up that is the best thing. give the meds regularly even if he seems not to need them. Once symptoms get out of control it is very difficult to get it back.

Stay strong you are doing all the right things. Take turns with hubby during the night so you can both get some sleep away from the action. If it gets too bad have him admitted to the hospice. i doubt he will know anything about it if he is well sedated. One or both of you will be able to stay right there with him
Hugs and prayers Stacy.

GA - nice to see you back posting and especially to see you here. I had my first sinus infection when I was 7, so it has been virtually a life long problem. I have taken some pseudoephedrine (sudafed) and it is helping. The medicated tea sounds good. If the pain is really bad I use Naproxen (NSAID) and that does it. You expressed very well to stacey what I think many of us feel. I am so sorry about your sister. I lost a dear friend to cancer many years ago, and she went through more than anyone should have to. It still bothers me.

((((((((stacey)))))) sweetheart, I am so sorry you all are going through this. I believe not treating is the right thing too. The extra Lorazepam hubby slipped him may have been enough so that he could relax and sleep. Going through terminal cancer is horrible. Fil trusts you to make the decisions and we all know you are making them with his best interests in mind - from a place of love and knowing his wishes. I am glad he is not in pain. It is good to know he can be moved to hospice hospital if necessary. I am not sure he would know the difference at this point as long as you and hub are around. Praying for you and hubby to get some more sleep and that today and tonight is easier for all of you. ❤

rainey thx. I don't believe there will be much to report - Hoping that the cyst is resolving finally. It hasn't been bothering me at night as it did regularly for quite a while. Actually the ultrasound was not uncomfortable but for one very short time. I took an ativan to relax and it seemed to relax my bladder. I had painful mammograms, so I kicked up a fuss and they are not painful any more. They don't have to be if the tech knows what they are doing. Please keep up with your regular tests. They can be a lifesaver. So glad that the quote for the rats is less than you thought. $5k is a big chunk of change.

Rained a bit last night so things are fresher here. Looking like more light rain tonight and tomorrow. We need it. Thinking of all those in the path of Irma.

GA, thank you! You kind words both resonated with me and bolstered me up to face the coming days. He is still sleeping, Thank God, and I hope he stays that way for another hour Please!

I need a shower badly, and need to get my own pills down me to face what may be another challenging day!

I do know that if it becomes too too much, that they will take him to the Hospice Hospital, but we so dearly wish to keep him here, as this is what he wanted, and I'd hate to see him moved, if it's something that we can manage with meds and such.

Tonight I'll probably sleep in the room with him. There is a comfy chair in there, and I could bring in a hassock to put my feet on. The whole thing is terrifying! You just never think it could get like this! Well see what happens when he wakes up.

Take Care everybody! 💓

OK, I got a chance to do some catching up last night. Wow! Lots of stuff, almost overwhelming all that is happening with everyone. Some new folks, welcome!
I think one that really stood out was Upset's suicide of that poor caregiver! How heartbreaking that she felt that was her only choice. 😥 I feel sorry for anyone who is truly alone with the overwhelming job of being a caregiver to their parent. Most of us are lucky to have spouses, companions, even just a good friend to be there for us when we feel overwhelmed. I truly cannot imagine having nobody. I wonder how her siblings will feel now. Upset, what you did for her was incredible re burial plot. I hope she finds peace now.
Stacey,
So sorry you are having to sit by and watch FIL going through all this, it must be terribly difficult! UTI's can be so nasty and make things so much worse. Poor guy.
Golden,
Hope your tests come out without anything, is there any worse test than the ultrasound where your bladder is ready to pop and they push down on you with that thing? I had to tell a nurse that I was going to (have an accident) if she didn't let me "go" and she said, "only a little or you have to come back and do it again" so.....going to the bathroom and only letting out a little was another torturous event! I managed but have no desire to go through that again. Here's the kicker, right after going through that nightmarish test, I had to walk straight over to another office for a mammogram!!!!! Agggghhhhh!!!!!! My doc was being hyper paranoid about cancers that ran in my family so she scheduled those two tests back to back. What a nightmare!!!!! I have been avoiding doing those tests for a spell now, hoping they come out with better ways to run those tests without the torture? 😉
Neighbor burning garbage? I'd be irritated too.
Oh, I made a mistake about the rat quote, he had included the whole attic in that quote for redoing insulation. There are no creatures in the attic so that is not high on the priority list. Getting rid of the rats is the main concern!
I will have to get back to this, time to go and wrap up Mom's leg.

It was horrible night, the first one and I don't know how we will survive another on like it! 3 times, he tried to get out of bed, we have cranked it down to the lowest level. I was on the phone to Hospice twice, getting their authorization to crank up the very high doses drugs to keep him calm, and hopefully asleep. He was crying out, yelling, and sayi6these off the wall things that they made no sense, and I just went along with him, rearrange his blankets, tucked him back in, and went back to the couch to wait and listen. I'm so afraid that if he ends up on the floor, that we will have to call 911 for help. I know that I got very little sleep, he did however calm down about 3am. I finally slept for about 2 hours 6-8.

He is still asleep at 9:29am our time. Hubby and I are both exhausted. I have no idea what the day will bring, but I do hope that the only call Nurse will pay a a visit to assure us that we are doing the right thing in medicating him correctly, as we did only follow their protocol, given by the on call Nurse in the night. No hubby tells me he slipped him another Lorazepam at about 3am.

I would be underwater by this point, if it were me! It seems that when someone in this situation, with infection spreading, Sepsis, that these high powered drugs just don't work like they should, it's Weird!
Again, I'm terrified of what the day will bring when he does wake up, and then again, he could be back to his old self, who knows, but I doubt it! I looked in on him and he looks like one of the guys from the walking dead, he's all skin and bones at this point. The day before yesterday, he was an eating machine, wanting munchies all day, which is a far cry from the guy yesterday afternoon and last night! I never knew that these changes could come on so swiftly, and now I'm not sure if we are in over our heads or this is a passing thing, I just don't know.

I'm pretty sure it's Sepsis, as hubby says it is simular to how he was acting (though nowhere as severely), the day before he fell at the AL. 

We never had  this with our Mom, and these sorts of symptoms are new to me. I suppose it seems (and feels) so strange Not to treat him for infection, but this is what Our Hospice suggests we do, and at this point, and if it is the Sepsis taking hold, I still believe it's the right thing to do.

Living out your days, waiting for the pain of the Cancer to bloom and ravage you body and mind with pain is no way to live IMO, I'd just as soon that this take him quickly and without him truly understanding what is going on, Oh God this is So difficult a decision, and a very dificult way to go, making decisions about someone else's life is a crappie way to feel. I don't like it, and yet again, he put the power in our hands to do what is best for him, and he has said himself, he doesn't want to linger in pain, as that is no way to live.

When I asked him (and I as him several times a day), Are you in pain, he has always replied No, or maybe a little in his right side, his shoulder or his feet, but it has never been to the point where we couldn't manage it with pain meds. Now I don't know what to do or think! This is a terrible position to be in!

I must go now and get some coffee fuel in me to face what come our way today.

I love you guys, and pray you are all doing well! ❤ Stacey

Stacey, I've just read your update post and am so saddened to learn of the turmoil you and your family are experiencing, especially due now to the UTI which is plaguing FIL.

You're in a position of having to make challenging, difficult and probably "gut-wrenching" decisions. Although I can never say "I know what you're going through", b/c caregiving journeys are often similar, yet still unique to each individual and family, I can literally "feel your pain" and the anguish caused by the current situation.

You have a lot more experience than I, and from what I've read of your posts, you have both compassion and insights to make good decisions.

Still, it's painful to watch someone in distress and wonder if there are other courses of action you should take.

If I can offer any consolation as to a difficult decision whether to treat the UTI, it would be this: if you have confidence in the hospice staff, and if you know for sure that FIL's cancer is terminal, then you do him a favor by minimizing the extent of his suffering. And that might mean not treating the UTI.

I write this not to necessarily concur or disagree with what the hospice staff advises, but to offer some consolation "from the trenches". I wrote elsewhere a few days ago that had I known my sister was in a terminal state, and not continued to believe and hope that more chemo would help, I would have brought in hospice a lot sooner. To watch this vibrant woman decline, to struggle, to be so frustrated, was an experience I can never forget.

I hope you can find peace in your family and your friends here, your roses, your garden, maybe some Godiva chocolate or a little liquid refreshment, and know that whatever decision you make, it's made with the compassion I've seen you express here over the years, and with the best and more sincere intentions of caring for your FIL.

I haven't kept up on this thread but just happened to see the comments about sinus headaches. You have my sympathy - I suffered from them for years.

What helped me is making a tea with one lemon cough drop as the flavoring, inhaling the vapors of lemon cough drops, then drinking the warm to hot tea. I used to take a generic Sudafed pill as well; that helped even more quickly.

Hope this helps someone...anyone. In our area, pollen alerts have literally been consistent through summer, although pollen never bothered me as much as smoke and mold.

thx book- bylaws say you have to have an approved fire pit if you want a fire in your backyard. I don't think they were burning garbage. I think it was spruce which sparks a lot. But, it looked dangerous to me. I have had a sinus headache for the past few days - could be the smoke from the forest fires which is fairly bad here these days, though it did not affect me like that down south. I still suspect some mold in the house, or a combination of things. I need to hire someone to give the whole house a thorough cleaning and see if that helps. I can't do it all at once any more, but do it ins bits and pieces.

I am not asthmatic, but can choke up a bit with allergens like wheat. No fun, but at least I can avoid it. It is hard to avoid airborne allergens.

stacey - keep us updated about fil.

Still no word from the AB health worker, so I haven't been able to submit my list of preferences for NHs for mother. No word either from the insurance co about the "errors" (their own mistakes) that they found. Sigh! It would help if people did their jobs,

Hope everyone has a decent weekend.

Stacey, it makes sense when there is cancer. I know it's hard to watch, though, and even harder not to watch. Big hugs.

Golden, I really hate it when people burn their trash at nights. What if they lose control and it spreads. So many homes and apartments with most everyone asleep. I wake up in the morning with my face stuffed up, major sinus and headache. I'm very sensitive to smoke. My throat closes up and I start choking. Two doctors said I'm not asthmatic, just very sensitive to smoke. One even Rx an inhaler.... I hope their burning hasn't affected your sinus.

Stacey, I agree when one has to choose QOL vs cancer. No, you definitely don't want the cancer to reach the brain and the suffering involved. Your journey with FIL has come to a full circle. I've been keeping an eye out for your latest posts. Stay strong. {{{{HUGS}}}}

stacey - what hospice says about not treating the infection makes sense to me. The options aren't great whichever way you go. It is such a tough situation.

upset - taking a break makes good sense. Peggy's Cove is beautiful and New Brunswick has some lovely scenery. Enjoy the trip. I hope you come back refreshed.

Drat! Can't sleep. The neighbour behind the house has had a backyard fire going since last night and sparks have been flying 20 feet in the air. We ARE in extreme fire hazard conditions and everything is dry as a bone. I feel like carrying a bucket of water over and dousing it. It is slowly dying down; however, I still feel uncomfortable. The house lights are on so I guess they are weekend partying.

Just took another look and it is out, thank goodness. Maybe I can get some more sleep now.

BOOKLUVR thank you for sharing just how difficult this journey is, when it is only on one person to do all the caretaking, despite reaching out! I'm so glad you somehow made it through you caregiving journey, by the grace of God!

UpsetSister, oh Dear, I'm so sorry to hear of your patient from your group, it is so tragic when one reaches out, and no other family members step up to help. If only.... but unfortunately, her siblings are going to have to struggle through this somehow. No one ever knows to true story, but in her own words, they never came when she reached out, and what a shame.

I hope this somehow can be turned into a life lesson for you Caregivers classes, later on down the road, because there are so many caregivers who find themselves in this dire situation, and nobody offers to help them, and then they feel that they have run out of options, and that their life is no longer worth living. So very Sad!

Jessie, treating the UTI is a personal choice, but our Nurse sited a prominent Hospice Dr from the U of Washington, and he said that he doesn't feel that treating UTI, in Cancer patients enhances their QOL, and often times only prolongs the inevitable to the point that they are then greatly suffering from the effects of the growing and painful Cancer and to what end. She likened it to Pneumonia being the Old Man's Friend. She said that there are many ways to keep him comfortable, and not treat with antibiotics. I tend to lean that direction as well, so unless there is a more plausible reason presented to us, then we are going to agree with her and this Dr, and go this route. I would hate to wait until his Cancer spreads even further to his lungs and  ribs bones, causing him  horrible breathing problems and then possibly travel into his brain, the next likely place it would go,  and have to deal with all sorts of awful symptoms, if this scenario takes him swiftly and painlessly, then I am all for it, as we don't wish for gim to suffer months on end,  But I am most certainly open to hearing more from those with experience on these things! The whole darn thing is just awful, no matter how you slice it!

Oregon girl, I remember your situation with your partner and his adult children were giving you some grief. I am sure it is hard for you moving to a Texas and to be in a fish bowl of sorts with your son. No privacy or time to yourself. My thoughts are you need to set some boundaries about visiting since you are a very independent woman in good health. You are allowed to have a life of your own. Caregiving is difficult at best, it is tiring, isolating and in many cases the caregiver does not take care of self. Top that off with a parent who is abusive in their right mind... yes we get angry. Of course we get furious and we come here to this thread to vent safely without attacks.

I hope you can find a balance with your son/dil. I hope you can understand the need for a caregiver to have a safe place to go to for support.

Stacey, ((((hugs)))) dear friend!!! So much for you and fil. I am so sorry and I'm hoping you can get some rest as he gets settled down.

Ali, I think her suicide was caused by a variety of circumstances, not just one thing. I know from past groups that I've facilitated that as a therapist I only get a thumbnail sketch of what a person is coping with. And as a caregiver in a dysfunctional family the stressors are many. I think you've done more for your father than many would have done in the same circumstances. I hope moving to your new apartment will solve the sinus infection problem.

Stacey, I can't imagine what you and your husband are going thru with your FIL and his illness. So difficult. You have my prayers for peace and comfort.

I'm taking a break from work on the center. PJ and I are taking the ferry from Bar Harbor to Halifax tomorrow. Going to drive back via Peggy's Cove and New Brunswick and will get back Monday.  No real itinerary. Taking the ferry to Halifax was one of my son's favorite road trips to buy Leaf Canadian sports cards growing up. He's 38 now and asked me to buy him some hockey cards on this trip. I don't think he has quite grown up. Everyone have a quiet weekend and take care of yourself.

Oh stacey - (((((hugs))))) I am sorry you (and fil) are having such a rough time. It does sound like he is going down hill seriously. That's a fairly heavy drug cocktail! Hope your night gets to be more peaceful.

jessie - my mother is on comfort care and they said they would treat any infections so I am surprised too. Maybe when sepsis occurs they figure it isn't worth it as it won't work anyway. My ex mil got to a point where no antibiotics helped.

ali - you explained caregiving in the dysfun fam well. " It adds another level of pain to be taking care of abusive parents." Absolutely! I could not imagine my mother being me or me being my mother, either. It is too big as stretch of the imagination. Oh gosh - sinus infections are horrible. Hope you have something to make it better and that those problems go away when you move, Looking forward to hearing more from you when you are up to it.

glad - thinking of you. I had my last dog, Matt for 14 years, and lost him 8 years ago. I still miss him

upset - thinking if you too and the sadness of it,

Ah, shoot. Well, just the top thing I thought of when I read this... "Do what you can to contribute to anyone trying to find a cure. But, in the meantime, pretend the loved one you are caring for is YOU." Pretend it was me that molested me as a child? Pretend it was me that abandoned 3 infants and wasn't a parent? I can't fathom committing those acts, and so I can't pretend that my father, who was my charge by my own naiveté plus choice, was ME. It adds another level of pain to be taking care of abusive parents. It adds another level to already difficult one-way giving of most caregiving situations.

This is the DYS thread. Perhaps your comment, Oregon, is more appropriate for other threads. This thread is mostly about people who are or were caregivers to dysfunctional family and the extra hurt that brings.

I don't think anyone who does caregiving for more than a year is without compassion for those we try very hard to help. It's too easy to walk away when things are difficult. I didn't walk away, though.  I dug in my heels and declared (by my actions, if not my words) that I was going to see this bad situation to its conclusion, come anything, for the purpose of bettering my father's life, and I did that. Honestly, I don't know I would've lasted another year... I thought of killing myself and my father so often... so I'm thankful that things progressed and I was able to get my father moved on.

And I'm truly apologetic that this contrarian bit is all you've heard from me in a week, DYS thread posters. I've been reading and I do have things to share but mostly I've had a stupid sinus infection since Tuesday. I never had these darn things before the house here and I'm crossing my fingers they go away when I move. Ack

Upset, I'm very sorry for your caregiver's suicide. I don't think any one thing or any one person is ever responsible in ANY way, except the person's decision that they choose to end life instead of make changes and get help. It's a very tough spot and I sympathize with her and with you, too. I'm glad you're trying to be of support to caregivers who need you. It's god's work, so to speak.

Glad, I was So Sorry to hear about your Sweet Macy! I know that you had her for a good long time but still it must gave been very difficult, and I'm really sorry Sweetie! My sympathies are with you in your loss! Love Stacey B

((((staceyb)))) I am so sorry you are going through this. I thought UTIs were treated by hospice facilities as part of comfort care. Shows me all the things I don't know.

Hi all, I'm still catching up on reading this thread, and I'm on page 2618, so forgive me if I'm not yet UP TO DATE!

I just wanted to check in and let ya'll know what is going on in my little world, besides watching this crazy weather, aswe are still getting heavy smoke/smog from the fires burning in our state and No Oregon, and of course the Hurricane, which while fascinating to watch, I'ts horrible, the path of devastation it is leaving in its wake. Those poor poor souls who are stuck on hi ways leading out of town, and those who have already lost their homes and towns all over the Caribbean and The Virgin Isles! Now praying for Florida, and then there the next one following in Irma's footprints! Just Awful!

My FIL is hanging in there, although things they are a changing! He has a terrible Urinary tract infection, and now delirium and agitation to follow, so I suspect that Sepsis is setting in again.

Our Hospice Nurse Tara says that the school of thought is that we do not, will not use antibiotics to treat, and keep this at comfort care only.

There has been a big and distinctive change, just from yesterday, but we will see what tomorrow brings. He was calling out things
Like "I'm gonna stay home tonight", and "I don't want to go to school today", then he was wrestling with his covers, even tried to get out of bed, because he thought he needed to go to the bathroom, and he was shaking his head back and forth with his eyes glazed over, and running his hands through his hair and face.

It is all a bit disconcerting, a bit scary in all actuality, and I've had the Weekend Nurse on the phone who added Haldol, more Lorazepam, and now Morphine to settle him down. I sure hope it works! Oops, spoke too soon as he's calling out again! Grrr, I've given him enough medicine to knock Me out, and I don't know how he is fighting through it!

I have feeling it's going to be a long night! So that is my world in a nutshell! I'll try to catch up in the next day or so, and see what you all are up to! Love to you all! Stace

Oregongirl, I'm not as nice as Golden. I notice that you often wag your finger at the caregivers in the group and tell them they are not being good enough caregivers. You expect a lot from caregiving children you don't even know. You talk angry at them. One thing to consider is if you do have trouble with your son backing away, it may be because you are wagging your finger in his face. Compassion works both ways.

oregon - I remember you and your situation, I am sorry that your arrangement with your son is not working out. You sound angry and worried about your future. Most of us will need care at some point whether our mind "goes" or not. Some of us will get dementia and some of us won't and will die of other diseases.
This thread addresses the issues of dysfunctional families and that being the case it is not surprising to find anger expressed. However, it is also expressed on many other threads in Aging Care.
I know you miss your partner so very much. I am sorry for your loss and the changes it brought into your life

Ok, I have followed this since the day my care giving began. He died about two years ago and I am now older myself. It was SO hard care giving a loved one. I was exhausted most every minute of everyday. I am at the point now that I have had my house on the market and it sold right away full price. I moved to Texas just in time for the Hurricanes. I am now 75 and in excellent health. I am living in a cottage behind my son's home. I am already tired of them coming whenever they wish to visit me. I enjoyed my privacy. My mind is fine. BUT that could change at any moment. I read the posts and wonder if anyone who is complaining, realizes they too will be faced with "old age" soon. And, sooner than you think. I wish there was a website for people my age who need to "watch their back", when it comes to the kids who say they want to care for you. I trust my beautiful children. BUT, they could get sick of caring for me in a hurry. I have always been above average. I have tried VERY VERY hard to keep money in the account to cover my expenses. That could go in a hurry if God does not honor my wishes to go BEFORE my mind goes. I won't blame my kids for complaining and looking for help on a site like this. I just hope I don't come to my senses and read some of the anger that comes up at times. REMEMBER, you too will be dependent on someone for your care. We are living longer. NOTE: My Sister in Law, was a Doctor who worked and discovered some of the world's most wonderful possible cures for MS. She had ALL the money she needed and TWO HOMES in Boston. She was a Professor at a women's college and at U of M Medical. She was imprisoned with loss of her mind before she even retired. I felt SO sorry for her. You do not know where you stand on this disease. Do what you can to contribute to anyone trying to find a cure. But, in the meantime, pretend the loved one you are caring for is YOU.

glad - love the quote - "The whole world is a bit strange except thee and me and I'm not so sure about thee." I don't mean you, of course. Very hard for you that Macy only showed her illness a few weeks ago. You must be in shock. (((((((hugs))))))

rainey - Whoa -that's a lot of money to get rid of the rats, but absolutely essential. Glad your mum is doing OK.

upset - it will take a while for you to get past the suicide. That was a violent means not typical of women.

Supposed to rain here tonight which would be good. It should clear some of the smoke.