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My 2:00 caregiver appointment didn't show up. I called her home to see if she needed a ride. A neighbor answered the phone and informed me that she had committed suicide. I called the chief of police and he said she shot herself during the night. Left a note for her brothers and sisters stating that she couldn't handle taking care of their mother any longer without any help. I knew she had asked her siblings for help and they refused to do anything. Said Elder Services picked up the elderly woman and was going to place her in state care. So sad. She had said in group she was tired of the situation, but no indication of doing anything. I always tell everyone to always call if they feel like things are spiraling out of control or if they need help with something. A tragic situation. She must have so abandoned by her siblings.
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Guest, I can understand the anger over M's death. That's a family who will have some rude financial awakenings without his generous assistance.
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Guest - that is sad. What a very generous man M was, Leaving him alone was not good. I am glad he passed peacefully.
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Like I said, M was ready to go. He served his country in Vietnam, and I listened to every story he wanted to tell, no matter how many times. I didn't live with him. M was incredibly kind to my son, in fact at one point offered to pay the auto deductible for last accident according to my bro who said he declined on my behalf. I would have too, but okkkkkk. Both my nephews have had their budgets supplemented by M for $500 monthly each for YEARS and I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop when my bro and SIL won't pay it out...I love all of them, but they are definitely folks who measure love by the $$. When I met my future FIL and MIL, I could easily predict the years to come as I'd been learning boundaries with takers for years. I love my husband dearly, but he still has trouble saying no. I keep telling him practice makes perfect....:)
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Guest as you said "Nuff said" You reap what you sow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Oh Guest, your anger is justified. People do as people want.
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Upset, it is so great there is an outpouring of support!! So many needs for caregivers and the elderly, shut ins. The Rx cards is awesome.

My brother has lung disease and is in California. So many areas are burning. We have the peyette fire, Montana, Utah, Oregon, BC and others. Staying is recommended and the best thing to do.
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My brother's father-in-law let's call him M, who lived with him and his wife, passed away on Monday night (best estimate as he was found sitting peacefully in front of TV next day by neighbor with both dogs waiting next to him). Please note he was not found by my brother or my sister-in-law as they were in WEST VIRGINIA not TEXAS where they live. Bro took a job as consultant in WV and SIL drove up with him leaving last Wednesday for a long weekend with bro over labor day. Please note that M was a parkinson's patient, vet with Agent orange disability, a recently diagnosed lung mass that was growing tho slowly, a heart condition and the beginnings of dementia!!!!!!!!! Bro and SIL took a 3 week trip to Ireland in August as vacation and left M with home health checking on him 2-3 times per week and a neighbor girl coming by daily to check on him. They came back home for about 5 days before leaving for WV together and leaving M home alone again. I am not as upset about M's death - his wife passed 2 years ago and he desperately wanted to join her. I am infuriated by the lament of my brother and his wife who left him there without 24/7 supervision and are now angry that home health didn't tell them how bad he was....!!! But rant over, now I will be polite and positive. The fun begins as M's $8K worth of monthly pensions that supplemented my bro and SIL's lifestyle are now GONE. Nuff said.
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Sharyn, The fires are terrible. And the smoke is such a hazard for those with breathing problems. My son was in Oregon on vacation in a few weeks ago when they had fires burning. My Granddaughter has asthma and they left on the second day. I hope that you stay safe and sound.

Golden, The students at the university have had some good ideas. Forestry council students have delivered fire wood. Some other groups have raised money to buy certificates for heating oil. Local beauticians have made home visits to help some of the elderly to get out a haircut or a new style. Another student group raised money to buy prescription cards at the local pharmacy to help with prescriptions. It's been a fantastic outpouring of support. A bunch of guys who build dorm lofts have put up shelving for a small resource library.
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The smoke and haze will be hanging around until October according to the news report. These conditions exit in so many areas this year. Even my brother is home bound. He does ok as long as he stays inside.
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upset -- you are the Florence Nightingale of caregivers and deserve a big medal. You will have a very busy day, indeed. I am sure these women are getting tremendous help from what you are doing. Your community is very generous. What a great idea the sorority had for admission. Very creative, Don't burn yourself out with doing too much. Plan some down/fun time for you too.

Sinus headaches again. I am pretty sure it is an allergen of some sort. This too shall pass!!!
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Instead of group session for caregivers in my section, I'm doing individual meetings tomorrow. Some have indicated they would like to speak in private. So tomorrow's the day. I have meetings scheduled from 7-7. So many women with so many different issues and so few resources.

Center is coming along. Having new carpet put down in two rooms. We had new appliances donated for the small kitchen.

Saturday evening a sorority at the university had a dance. They charged a box of Depends per couple admission. We got 153 boxes- various sizes men's and women's. So many caregivers have said that is a major expense they need help with. But, the needs 

Hope everyone is doing well.
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Welcome kay. We understand. I have a narc mother and sister too. Sounds like you are carrying a lot on your shoulders and not appreciated for what you do. Singing for a little extra money? Good for you! You must have talent.

sharyn -your air quality sounds nasty and those mosquitoes on top of it. We don't get fogged any more -- pollution or pesticides - not sure which. E is fitting right in -awesome. It is hard on mums to let go sometimes. Oh my, sorting out bed rooms. I still have some to do from the events of last year. I have lived without much to do with my sis for years.  I am sure, despite the dysfunction, in some ways I will miss mother when she goes.

upset - I would take the heat over mosquitoes any day. Blackflies are awful. Here they have been known to kill cattle as there are so many of them. But we don't get many in town, Surely the day will come when there are no more surprise bills. Hopefully, soon.
My list is things I should have done the past few years but was not inclined to with dealing with mother and other issues. I should be caught up soon. You are wise to check your credit report. Quiet day for me too again.

glad - I see you lurking around. Not MIA at all. I don't know if we ever can forget completely the family cr^p we have been through. Maybe it is to remind us to stay away from it. The skies here were amazing when the fire was approaching last year. I hope never to see it again. Prayers for Florida for sure. Love you too!
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Oh Glad, (((hugs)))!!! You said it exactly!! I keep most of it inside but your post brought out the tears. Ugh. It seems moving here has made the lack of family much more real.  

On mostly clear days, the sunsets are gorgeous!! Today we can't see the sky and the sun is a hazy orange orb. 
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I hope I am not counted as the MIA's? I read this thread daily, and comment on others, though not daily. So much hurt when you first realize you are dealing with a dysfunctional family. Though I have known it all my life, I received an e-mail from twisted sister 1 about four years ago, while I was providing 24/7 care for mom and her hubby, TS1, being a therapist, thought she would inform me that the issues were all so very dysfuntional! Two years into my caring, she finally realized it? And a therapist besides? I still have to just shake my head, roll my eyes and try to catch my breath. It is something that will always stay with me. Mom passed three months ago now, and not a peep from either TS. That is good news, I am trying to just let it all go, and too often, I read here about the same sort of crap others have to live through. Often, the memories, ahh, the memories just catch me off guard while trying to get past my own experience.

Sharyn, our sunrises and sunsets are absolutely gorgeous! The smoke helps, sure you must be experiencing the same.

Prayers for those in Florida that we do not experience what some are predicting.

I do love you all and so value the support you have provided over the past five years.
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Welcome Kay, We're all in or have been in your shoes. Feel free to share, vent, ask questions whatever you feel you need. Personally I had a narcissistic mother - the world revolved around her and my brother and his family. He was a different character. Mom died in May, my brother about 6 weeks ago. But their messes live on. You have a lot to cope with raising two teens on your own, in addition to your father's illness. Please come back when you need too.

Sharyn, I don't know which is worse - heat or mosquitoes. We didn't have many mosquitoes this year, but plenty of black  flies.

Golden, Your to-do list is lengthy. I didn't do anything today. Spent two hours speaking to people at the company about the bill I received. I am totally tired of these surprises. I spoke with my attorney. He said to pay it...it's in Mom's name and was incurred before she died. My brother and I both checked our credit reports again. Scared of my SIL, niece and nephew.
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Hi everyone!!!

It's been rather funky here with a heat wave and air quality in Red Alert. Very headachy days. We are having a mosquito issue here as well due to time of year, new builds watering new sod and over irrigation in established common areas of the subdivision. We have (several community members) reported it to county mosquito abatement. We should get "fogged" in a few days.

E started pre school today!! He did great, found toys to play with immediately while dd cried going back to her car, lol!! Hard for mom's to start letting go just a bit.

Getting guest room put together as my bil is coming to visit around mid month. This room has become a storage room of sorts since we moved in, haha!!
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Welcome Kay, lots of support here for you. I hope you come back and share more. So many here can relate to what you are going through.
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Wow I wish I could explain this disfuncion that I too live in , you all talk so precisely the commen and current behaviour my mother and sister show both being bat sh*t crazy fuelled with rage. My dads got cancer , a rare lymphoma with no none cure and my mum acts like his tragic health is all about how she copes . She's copes cos she enjoys the pity of playing the role of doting wife. But I take dad to chemo . Clean her house . I'm a single mum sole provider to 2 teens, i work full time cleaning houses and sing at night for extra money to raise kids. Narcissism has not cycled in me .yet my sister is poisoned with it and only sees it in my mum . When it suits her . My brain is buzzing with past current memories . I could just cry today . I'm tired . Lovely to read your post as I often do xx
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(((((upset)))) It doesn't stop!!!! I am so sorry. That must be discouraging. It is good that your aunt has a place to go to and family to help her. I am glad you had some enjoyable time with her. Thx for the feedback abut Merrells. I think I can find them in town as well as the other brands. If not, I am sure I can in E'ton.

Lots of people missing in action. Proof that life changes once you have lost your LO, or simply are overwhelmed by life, or...

Ultrasound and bone density on Thursday, one cataract surgery in 11 days and the other 4 weeks later. Slowly crossing items off the list. Hopefully not too many will be added for a while. No word from the insurance again. We may have to go up a step. I will wait a little while longer.

(((((Hugs)))) to everyone!
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Merrill's are good. I used to wear them.

My aunt will be leaving on Thursday. She will be moving to San Antonio. Her children found her a nice independent senior apartment. She will have a lot to do, but they will be close by to help her. I've enjoyed her visit with me.

I've been dealing with another surprise bill compliments of my mom and brother. I'm glad I haven't closed the checking acct I was using to pay her bills. I think there was no end to what she let my brother and his family do. I had checked her credit report and this account did not appear. I called the company and they are to send me complete details on the account. It's so disheartening.
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Just a video, trying, less than 15 min long. Google "the russian mafia story".

I will check Merrells out. I don't mind paying a price for the right shoe. They last a long time for me. My "sensible" winter boots with a treads like truck tires are over 20 years old. I bought them at a sale for $9.00 so they don't owe me anything.

Still "floating" through the day. Kind of a nice feeling...
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Gonna have to check out that movie Golden. Yes, the sneakers are by Merrell. Merrells are pricey but I got mine on discount. I like them so much I would pay full price for another pair. The brand seems to run small so I got a half size larger to accommodate my cushy socks.
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My brain seems to be on holiday still. I don't want to tackle any jobs or responsibilities. I watched a somewhat off colour, but funny, video about an american student (the "Machine") who robbed a train in Russia with the Russian mafia while on a student tour with his Russian language teacher and class. I think it set me up with smiles for the day. No harm in taking another day off, I guess.
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Thx for all the ideas! My main criterion for walking shoes is that I can feel the ground that I walk on. I don't need support particularly and my balance is fine. Mother's balance was excellent until she was about 100 and the vascular dementia set in. My feet and ankles are in good shape. I use light weight sandals in the house all the time and outside as long as the weather is decent. My only concern last week was for walking on shale which probably needs more than a sandal. As a child, I played barefoot a lot. It still feels good.

Linda - re snacks, I pretty well keep to my normal food types, though convenience ones . I feel better that way. I make lettuce wraps with romaine and deli meats in the car, always have nuts or peanuts, and small peanut butters from breakfast, fruit and some other veggie like small bell peppers or celery - and - my dark chocolate! Cauliflower keeps quite well. Pepperoni works too. We often bring the little cans of lemon tuna and such, and cheese and small yogurts for R and can use those in a hotel instead of a meal.
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I wear Brooks running shoes for long days on my feet, and Skechers for everyday. DH has neuropathy in his feet, and Skechers are his go to shoes.
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I got Mom Sketchers when she was having problems with falls and mobility. They seemef to help her. I wear them all the time.
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I second the Skechers Go Walk!
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thx upset. I will look at Sketchers too.

trying - I am with you re plodding vs excitement, Can you give me a brand name for those sneakers? Glad your parents are OK and your dad has spoken up in defence of his caregiver. Fortunately mother gets along with caregivers from all areas of the world, but her doctor better be not be from some of them.

sharyn - how awful!

lucky - not nice at all.

Hopefully society has changed for the better in that account, though I know it is not perfect.

Sinus headache - just came on this evening. At times I wonder if it is this house and some remaining mold. Guess I will find out when I move.
Nite all!
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I grew up during the 60's and both my Grandparents used the N. word as well as other bad words about people.I hated it.
My Dad was handicapped and people called him crippled and I hated that too.
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