
Many of us, myself included, come from a dysfunctional family which adds a lot of weight to the challenges of caregiving. I have read stores on various threads on other topics and decided it would be good to have a thread just for this topic for people to share, vent and discuss.
The idea for this thread originated on the thread named "The Caregiver....How are YOU doing today?"
Sis told me today that Dad got fed up and told Mom to back off the woman who she accused of being disrespectful. That was good to hear!
Golden- I agree that feeling the terrain during a walk is so much more pleasant! I have a pair of running sneakers that are light as a feather and conform to my feet. They lace up snuggly so I don't have to worry about my footwear slipping around like sandals do. I get a half size bigger to accommodate nice cushiony socks.
Upset-It sounds like your Aunt really enjoyed herself. What a lovely day you provided for her!
Welcome Patathome!
Mom and Dad had their PC appointments this week. Sis said both went well. Apparently there are no new concerns. That's a big relief on so many levels!
I guess Mom is causing a lot of drama around the caretakers. She insists that she is the primary caregiver to Dad and is trying to control their every move. Sis and I have become aware of a disturbing intolerance in Mom, for nonwhite caregivers. She makes accusations that are unfounded and says they are being disrespectful. All the caregivers are strong women who voice their opinions, that's a good thing because Mom would bulldoze them into dust if they did not stand up to her. However Mom only calls the caregivers who are not white, disrespectful. It's blatant.
Sure I hear the excuse, it's a "generational thing" but I still find it nauseating. Besides what generation are we talking about? I hear plenty of racist talk from all ages. Dad on the other hand, gets along equally well with all the caregivers and they all love him. Thank goodness for that.
No I can't change my Mom, but right now I really don't like her.
- too much!!!
Another blanket, Ali? Last night down to mid fifties Windows open, ceiling fan on. I had to turn off the fan about 3 and turn on the electric blanket. BRRR! Tomorrow supposed to be record breaking 100 degrees! UFFDA!
Great sunset tonight because of all the fires in the west.
glad you had a good "down" day. They are well worth while, and, for me, necessary. You might plan one a week and see how it works! So good to have the receipts in. I can well believe that was a huge job. It is good that Trust is trying to get a fair price for the house. Sounds like you are going about getting rid of things in a sensible manner.
So glad that running the bigger air purifier is helping. I can't wait for you to get into another place. I love having windows open, even in cold weather. Fresh air - aaaah!!!
A neighbour has a tree covered with crab apples and they never pick them, though they keep the ground and sidewalk clean. I am going to ask if we can. They would make great applesauce. I want to make a preserve from the chokecherries R picked. I am hoping that the electric pressure cooker will cook them well enough to get some of the pulp. Last time I got only juice.
Right now I am still recovering from the trip, but mainly getting extra sleep which is a vast improvement on pain and fatigue. Keeping up with R is a challenge. I fell asleep during a video presentation at the carriage museum and had to sit for about 3/4 hr while R finished seeing the displays as my legs were aching. We then drove to Waterton and I passed on one walk to a waterfall as there was shale underfoot and I was wearing sandals. But I made the walk to a second waterfall with no problems and skipped back like a mountain goat leaving R behind. I don't like wearing heavy boots and most people had a hiking boot on or a heavy runner. Sandals allow me to feel the terrain under my feet,, so I was much surer than R on the rocks coming down. Anyone have any ideas about a lightweight runner that would allow my feet to feel the ground when I walk? Then I could have tackled the path with shale. Looking on the internet I found "Keen" shoes in town and will look at them.
On Friday, yesterday, I took a day of rest. I needed it. I felt so much better after I gave myself permission to have a lazy day, do some self care that needed doing.
Today, I listed more things from the house for sale online. We'll see if anything more comes of my listings. So far, I sold $100 of tools, gave quite a bit more tools away to a friend. It's a start. I'll gauge the response to selling online like this and if there aren't many more bites, then I'll have to consider having the charity organization "clean things out," which is what the Trust wants to do in this case.
I'm running the larger size air purifier in my bedroom now. So far, so good, no more middle of the night burning throat problems. I also put an extra blanket on the bed so I can leave the windows open.
This is all really great stuff, needed stuff, and on the path to finish some things up for the estate and the house. I found out that the listing price for the house is going to be quite a bit more than I had previously thought, quite a bit more than previously discussed. Who knows what the actual selling price will be, but it feels good to see that the Trust is trying to get a good amount for it, not "fire sale" it.
I picked up a bunch of pears in the yard. I have to do it every other day or it gets to be such a mess. The tree is almost done dropping pears. It's raining outside right now, so maybe they'll mostly be all down by tomorrow.
It's not an exciting life lol but it's good to be plodding along towards the goal.
How is everyone else doing? Happy weekend!
What a wonderful day you had with your aunt! It was great for her to see the old photos and old hospital. She will go back with some very good memories of her time with you. You are a one woman social services department! The caregivers must be very grateful for your support. It sounds like they very much need it.
Patathome01 - welcome I an sorry you had such a dysfun fam. Some of us have very difficult relationships with our sibs and know what it feels like to have no family. Are you and your bro or other sibs friendly? I am glad you are still able to work despite health problems. It is important to look after oneself.
glad - it is crazy that the premiums are the same. The trip was great. We always have a very good time on holidays
Fell asleep this afternoon on the sofa and am off to bed soon. R mowed, weeded, and watered the lawns, gave the evergreens fertilizer and water as well, and planted some burr oak acorns we picked up in Cardston. He is on the road again back to E'ton for business and will be back in a week or so, The friendly neighbourhood squirrel was watching him, so the acorns may be gone by morning. I must put out some sunflower seeds for him.
It is always good to be home after a trip, even though it was very enjoyable. The tomatoes were a bit scorched and windblown. There hasn't been a frost yet, which is a first in all the years I have been here for the beginning of September. But, we have about a dozen little tomatoes!!!! That was a nice surprise. R rigged stakes to tie the pots to so they won't blow over again.
Take care all!
The problem with many and no flood insurance is their mortgage company relies on FEMA maps to determine whether a mortgagee is required to purchase it. Now mortgage company also takes a loss, but no doubt will try to get their customer to pay off the mortgage. I had a problem with a couple of mortgage payments during one of the past floods in Texas. I sent them, but evidently they are sitting at the bottom of the Gulf now.
And people with multi million dollar homes pay the same premiums as people with houses a small fraction of those giant mega homes. That is a broken system, but oh my, the views! Crazy!
Sounds like your trip went well golden. Ali hope the sinuses are better. I am convinced it is the house and your allergies. Excited for you to get out of there.
I've had a good day with my aunt. She got her hair styled, plus mani-pedi. We went out to lunch. During the early 1950's she and her husband were stationed here in Maine at a now defunct Air Force base. I drove her out there to look around. It's now a community college. But they do have one of the old family housing units restored as a small museum. She was thrilled to see old photos of all the squadrons that were stationed there. She found a photo of her husband's squadron and a photo of he and a few other men working in a parachute room. I laughed when she said "look at that Jack still had hair back then". We also went by the old hospital where her two youngest children were born. She said she never imagined she would ever be back here visiting.
guest - we have contacted the provincial equivalent and taken their advice.
There is an internal (to the insurance co) complaint procedure that we gave to follow to get to their ombudsman, to the get to the Federal Ombud Service. We are ready to escalate to the next step of that as we have contacted the adjuster, her manager and her manager's manager and still have a mess. It is an onerous process but we will go through it. Thankfully, R is taking care of much of it for me and he is good with that kind of thing.
The last NH we saw is the latest model and we were quite impressed. It has only private rooms. The manager showed us around and he is quite proud of it. We are allowed one transfer after the first move and he said if we put this facility top of our list, she will get in there on that one transfer. The dining room for each "home" unit has only 4 tables and they all have table cloths. Being AB we pay the same very reasonable cost no matter which one she gets in. The second last one was very bright and nice and the semi privates have a half wall making them more private than some. All rooms had space for her pictures and a little furniture. A couple of the NHs were overcrowded and darker. One other large one we would consider as a friend of mother's was there. Part if this is knowing how to manage the system. She is fine where she is for now, barring any more meds issues.
Ali - hoping your move makes a big difference with your health issues. Also hoping that Trust comes through for you.
upsert - I am so glad that your aunt is surviving this well. Sounds like she will get resettled soon. That is not the case for so many who are struggling. We saw a photo of seniors sitting in a room with water up to their waists and more, waiting to be rescued. The floods are an epic disaster and waters are still rising in places. Recovery will take a very long time.
glad - the costs of this will be enormous. It is another insurance disaster like the fire here last year and particularly hard on those who do not have insurance. Here, some of the neighbourhoods which were burnt to the ground are about rebuilt, and ready for owners to move back.
Back home and though tired, so far so good. :)
https://www.canada.ca/en/financial-consumer-agency/services/insurance/make-complaint.html
The General Insurance Ombud Service, Toll Free: .877.225.0446
Goldenberg in the States we have a State Insurance Commision ER in each State. What's the equivalent in Canada? Is it time to fire off a CC to that office?
Caregiver groups are settling down. Some people have gone into individual counseling. We've helped a few get their elder family member into subsidized senior housing. The center is now completely cleaned. We have a men's group from the community who are painting. A local business furniture store has donated some office furnishings. A lot accomplidhed, but way more to do. I found some comfortable chairs for one of the group meeting rooms. We have some caregivers who are in very bad financial and social situations. Trying to work on some help for them. The extreme poverty in the area makes caregiving more tedious than it already is.
Ali, I hope you get some relief with your head and throat. I take a medication that causes dry throats and coughing. I use a spray before I honed. But I don't know if the problems are are similar.
Golden, three years and I am still waiting for final insurance settlement. Now I suspect so many adjusters in Texas it may take awhile. We keep hearing about the FEMA flood insurance expiring in September. It is 24 billion in debt, now 130 billion in damage and some actually, many do not have flood insurance. I start to wonder if flood insurance should be mandatory for everyone with a premium based on home value, so much per hundred thousand value. I have a friend that has carried flood insurance, thank goodness, for years. None of the houses were in designated floodplain, but three homes he has lived in have experienced floods. Some of these people that were not in floodplain and flooded terribly, and did not have insurance what happens with them?
Golden, I'm so, so sorry about these goofballs at your insurance company. Hang in there. What else can you do, I guess. Grr.
I re read my letter to Trust and... it's not bad. When I composed it and edited the first few times, I was a little worked up having to find the right words to say "You really screwed me, you guys, and I'm hoping that you'll just give me the money and let's move on," without, you know, actually saying THAT. lol
It will work. I've printed a final version and I'm getting ready to go visit Trust Officer. Deep breath, chin up, this is almost over. ;-)
Unbelievable
The insurance co now says they have found duplicates on the spread sheets. There were no duplicates in what we submitted, but they keep using the mess the adjuster made of our SOLs. We asked for details of the duplicates and have had no answer nor another offer. Our ante is going up!
Going to see several LTCs today before we return. No word from the lady we saw who said she would send me info and given me her email address yet she wanted a list asap. Aarrgh!
Had a great day yesterday in Waterton Park and more. Tired today, If I get through all of this without a flare up I am doing well. I had to sit for a while in the carriage and buggy museum though it was wonderful.
Take care all. ((((((((hugs)))))))
I will probably make another appointment... but today I just do not have the patience to wait hours because I'm feeling extra poorly today.
I have been getting bad sleep all this week, not sure exactly why, but I've woken up a couple of nights with my throat being very irritated. Last night was the worst. I think the problem is that, as it's become cooler outside, I close the windows this week when I sleep. That seems to be directly related to my sore throats -- sleeping in this house with windows closed or A/C on.
The sore throat could be exacerbated by the sinus drip I have going on right now. The whole thing is just making me miserable. I made a good breakfast earlier and I'm having tea, trying to turn things around today. I know I have so much to do, and I want to do it, but I'm fighting this chronic sick. It's misery making. I'm going to rest a couple of hours and see if I can get myself together to go to Trust Officer. Just so frustrated with this up and down with sleep and how I feel. :-(
And thing is, it ALL could very well be that I have a chronic allergic reaction to this house due to mold. I'm moving out in a month. Can't I just make it another month after all this time? And I will make it, of course, I just hate this sick and miserable and tired feeling I have right now.
Thanks for letting me whine. This is NOT how I wanted today to go.
I remember during Sandy, Hess was the only station around with generators to run their pumps. Gas is up 20 cents a gallon here in NYC.