notrydoyoda Posted January 2012
The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?
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Trust has tasked me with facilitating a "clean out" of the house here. There are a couple of problems with that. One, everything that is left here is of value. There is no junk. I've gotten rid of all the junk. Now, the bulk of what is left is nice vintage furniture pieces, desks, chairs, tables, hutches, heirloom china and glassware, crystal, tools, ladders, lawn mower/tiller, etc, etc. Everything one would need to own and run a house... or several.
The trust wants to send the local charity place over to "clean out" the house. It makes sense that before I let them haul away things to dump or donate, that I would have some sort of estate sale first. I really want to hold onto some of the vintage furniture, but... I'm starting to think that isn't reasonable at this time. I'd have to store it, and the Trust said they would pay for up to a year of storage. I will ultimately end up putting some things in storage, I think. I don't see a way around that.
It's all just jumbling in my head right now. I've whittled down what's here so many times over the years and I don't have any qualms about letting go of things, it's just that once it's done, it's done. I think I would regret letting go of the beautiful furniture here, and the china.
So... estate sale? Anyone have any experience? I could just list it all online, too, as a "come look and make me an offer" type of thing. I'm not crazy about having strangers crawling over the house but there are cameras here.
I'm a little stumped how to proceed. Thing is -- I have all my household stuff in storage already, so I don't need or have extra room for this stuff right now. The pieces I want to hold onto have to go to storage and the rest to donation or perhaps sell a few things.
good thoughts for Macy -
I think it was 5 or 6 plants. Remember me yacking on about finally planting my shade garden? Well now hubs decided he doesn't like the mulch they put there and wants a different kind. Can't say I disagree with him but now that puts off my project until labor day weekend where we can do this together. In the meantime, they are patiently waiting in their pots where I must carefully tend to them until they are finally in the ground.
The other plants pending will be the last for this year for the reason you stated.
I love animals too BUT...........just remember, one more thing to add on to your responsibilities! I never imagined these two cats would have added so much more work to my daily "things to do" but they certainly do! And dogs must be walked all the time, rain, sleet or snow so just be sure you are ready for that! Told my husband after the cats, no more animals unless they have scales & gills! Then we will pay a pro to clean the tank because it won't be me.
So, hubs wants the dog, will he be cleaning and walking and feeding, etc.? My hubs wanted the cats, now they are my job. He cleans out the litter boxes once a day if that and occasionally feeds them. The rest is mostly me because I am home. They are more like dogs in the way that they love being "around you" and be entertained and if you don't, they will find their own entertainment and that is usually mischief. I get a break when they are napping.
Sounds like you got a nice start on your garden! My fall clean up will be starting soon. Already starting on certain things.
I dug up the red twig dogwoods and they are gone. No one wanted them, lol!!! So far in the front, I planted irises, geraniums, mums and the hydrangea. In 2 eeeks I should get the echinacea, lavender and rudbeckia.
Have fun! I whopped a bunch of my sunburned mop heads down yesterday!
Your a Dove fan too? I love it as well but only have it sparingly and occasionally. I don't buy a lot of sugary sweets because husband is a diabetic and he was a sugar hound, so it just tortures him to see it and not be able to have it. 😉
I also love your comment about sneaking like a "naughty child." That is absolutely what it is like all the time with Mom. I tell her not to do certain things for REASONS, such as safety, (that being #1) and others because she is not doing whatever it is correctly. She loves to strip her daylilies of any slightly imperfect looking leaf, I have told her a thousand times they are "doing a job" and giving nutrients back into the plant so you get more flowers and not to pull them unless they easily pull away. Does she listen? Never. I regret even planting them for her because she fixates on them when there are tons of other things she could be doing in her garden and they get ignored. She leaves the spent flower stems though! LOL!!!!! It is enough to make me nuts at times. She is like a naughty child and will say things to me like, "why you had to come over right now" which tells me she is aware of what I have asked her "not to do." Another example is because we are fair skinned and she is a red head, we are both skin cancer waiting to happen. I already found melanoma on her arm and discovered it immediately so she survived that one. But for years I have begged her to wear a hat out in the sun when she is gardening. Does she? No! I think she is more concerned with the possibility of wrecking her perfect hairdo. Then we recently went to her dermatologist. I asked him in front of her whether she should be wearing a protective hat (which I bought for her YEARS ago) and he said "Oh absolutely, listen to your daughter!" I told him she never does listen to me and so he took out his prescription pad and wrote, "WEAR A HAT!" Now...... she puts it on. Imagine that! Maddening!!!! Yesterday gardening, she comes out and asks if she can help. Then she proceeds to do exactly what I told her not to do and she laughs!!!! It's like living with a sneaky, disobedient teenager. She is certainly paying me back for my teenage years in spades!!!!
The elderly do lose their sense of taste and go for sweets, so I have been told.
Time to plant, hydrangea arrived!!!
Diet. Ughhhhh. Mom eats terribly and I just resigned that I am not gonna win that war and let her have what she wants. She is not outlandish, almost cheap in most aspects in her wants but she does have her certain things she can't seem to do without. Chocolate Ice Cream. Every darn night gotta have that ice cream! Oh, and it has to be Haagen Daaz or however it's spelled. She is a sugar hound! Cookies, candies, Ice cream, little Dark Dove Chocolates, she never over does any of these things but she panics when she is running low. Regular food is second to all her sugary treats. I have battled with her over and over that eating frozen entrees all the time is not exactly "healthy" but she loves them and the amounts. Whatever. I am so done arguing, she can eat whatever she wants. A lot of elders lose their taste buds and sugar is what they can really taste and enjoy so not abnormal she has gotten worse as a sweet tooth, though she always had the bug, it has become way worse. She is not diabetic, she is not over weight, so I just shrug and let her have her treats. If it makes her happy and it is not harming her, I have larger battles to deal with!
My grandma always "envied men" their freedoms over women. Back in her day, it was much more than it is now and I think she would have wanted to be born a man for that very reason. She wanted to have THAT freedom and not be the "put upon wife." She used to love to sing Johnny Cash in that low voice of his and I just always believed if she had it her way, she would rather have been born a man and a cowboy at that! Not a transgender thing, it was their freedoms and lifestyle she would have rather had. Anyway, she did very well as a woman knowing that is just how God made her so she was an excellent cook, a great Mom and a great Grandma. Too bad she only got to occasionally visit us for the summers. She was such a great lady and very proper!
Most of my mother's and my disagreements are about the thermostat and about food. She may want some more sugar free cookies or crackers, but I know she's already eaten too many. Then I think that she is old and should be able to enjoy things. But it isn't just her who suffers from her high blood sugar levels when she over-indulges.
I get stuck in a position of not buying the cookies and crackers and facing the Wrath of Mom, or buying them and having her sneak them like a naughty child. She knows she's not supposed to be having them, so she'll hide them if she sees me. If I say anything, she attacks me verbally. If I don't say anything, I feel negligent. Later she'll say she doesn't know why her blood sugar is at 350. It must be an infection and she probably needs to see a doctor, she says. I know it's just that she can't quit snacking. I know people will think I should stop buying them or lock them away, but that just makes my own life miserable with her attacking me. I wish my mother was a normal person. Caregiving wouldn't be so difficult.
My mother was on hospice the last 3 months of life, still talking with no dietary issue ( Alzheimer's), the care faculty by law has to offer balanced diets. I suggested if she wants pancakes 3 x's a day, why not give it to her. They said they couldn't.
controlling sugar and salt can be a big issue when the elder refuses to cooperate.
Mom a different story. Sugar was her enemy and I believe she was addicted. Much like a little kid a sugar high, then the crash. She always wanted more and more candy, tomatoes sprinkled with sugar, sugar on her fruit, yes even sliced bananas. So, sliced tomatoes were eliminated from her diet because the issues caused by the sugar she had to have on them. Candy in the house became the sugarless variety. Substitutions that satisfied her urging were the solution. Ice cream was another problem. Mom was allergic to dairy and it caused severe intestinal issues with her. Only ice cream became non-dairy, but then there was the sugar problem. Had to hide frozen treats in the freezer.
Sugar consumed by mom caused agitated behaviors whenever she ate it. She wanted more? No, mom you have had enough, more agitation. Auntie dearest once said to me that mom had lived a long time and deserved to have what she wanted to eat. I disagreed, telling her yes, that is true unless it causes problems for L or I as the caregiver. This is very true, IMHO.
Meal time consistency is very important for the elderly with or without dementia. They have lived a long time and those that are competent have their routines of a lifetime which will be nearly impossible to change. And schedule and routine for those with dementia, I do not need to remind you all how important it is.