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almostanrphan, I am just catching up on posts. Sorry about your family situation. You and your sister sound like me and my sister. I think sometimes I make my sister feel inadequate or pressured. I don't know because we don't talk and she only said once that I was putting her down a long time ago when we started back speaking the first time. I told her look at me how could I put you down. I was only trying to help and point out things that I thought she needed guidance in. She is a narcissist so any criticism was hard to take. She and my mother always said I was trying to take over this or that. I didn't know. All I was doing was what I saw needed to be done. Then I just recently learned how my sister truly feels about me and same with my mother. Actions speak louder than words. What I am getting at, because I can babble, is that at least your sister made contact with you and is communictating. The other thing is that "U***k" her You need to have closure with your father. and you will probably beat yourself up for the rest of your life if you didn't go and your sister would have a great ammunition to hurt you with. Pray yourself up. Be wary of all the tactics that can be used to draw you into a fight or guilt or whatever. ANd stay focused on your mission to see your Dad.
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MaPet, I agree with Stacey and Rainey. I understand and I am sympathetic to your situation. I keep knocking y head against the wall over my mother and sister, wishing I could forget the past and dreading my mother's deterioration.

Ali, that was sad and deep about your father. I am sorry he wasn't there for you and I am glad you got to know him and got some understanding of who you were to him. I am sure your understanding was one of the best things that happened to him. Its funny how things work out in the end. "Ali you know I was on my way to babbling had to rewind and knock down a few words." I am so glad you got some closure.

Golden, yup that hotel is looking better and better and of course dinner. Its just another day but it is special to me. I never got birthday cakes or celebration after my father died. My birthday is the 1st of September so my mother was always on a cruise or trip with her boyfriend (my father left her sitting pretty). Anyway the 1st and last time my family did anything was when was taking boys away to Disney world. I was truly surprised. If I had a "Honey" it would be nice. So, speaking of these great baths, I am leaning toward getting a room and making a fabulous sauna. :)!
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I rarely do photos and don't know much about posting photos. The one I have on my profile is one my son did. Only an opinion, maybe that option isn't available because the anonymity of posting on this site. Maybe you can contact the administrator.
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I think there should be a spot where we can post pictures of our gardens to enjoy! I won't do facebook, anybody have any ideas?
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DD, I think all of the elderly who are able to eat - even if still in their rooms enjoy the Taste of Home evening. Change from their regular meals and they like all of the extra company. I enjoy cooking and I several residents. Some were co-workers at UMaine 20 years ago. Always enjoy seeing them. Thank you for the nice compliment.
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upset that is awesome. Sounds good also. I bet the seniors who are lucid love Wednesdays probabley got favorites. Its wonderful to bring cheer or a smile into someones' life. You have a lovely heart.
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Rainey, went to different doctors repeatedly for years, but never found a reason. It finally stopped a couple of years before my periods stopped. On the upside I never had problems with menopause.

I did some daffodils - no idea what kind. I bought them out of a bin at Home Depot last month-end of spring things. I like mystery bulbs - never know what is going to come up in the spring.

I'm headed to PJ's - rare occasion - no grandsons at home. They're all on a camping trip. Hope everyone is having a good evening.
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Upset,
My God, what the heck? What on earth caused you to pass out? Too much blood loss? Anemia? Never heard of that one, I cannot even imagine!!!!!! Also, cramping for 6 days? I can get a really awful PMS where my back is killing me and my mood is altered and short (sometimes the occasional "I'm coming" cramp) crashing fatigue and headaches but the worst cramps start usually over the first couple hours after onset, and last for 2 days, worst case, 3 but not terribly often. Sounds like you got me beat!

I find daffodils are the most reliable and cheerful, lots of different varities out there too. Come back happlily every year as a welcome to spring on the way. I planted some exotic mystery daffodils and absolutely adored them! Very unusual and lasted quite a while. Can hardly wait to see them again next year! 😊🌼
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Sharyn,
I get crashing fatigue often, but gets way worse when I am PMSing. I used to work like a whirlwind in the garden, now if I make it a couple hours, I am happy! They say that is a symptom of perimenopause, I sure hope that's true. I want my normal energy level to come back!
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Okay - here's my "period" piece. I had horrible cramps, all day every day x 6. But I always passed out on the first day. Didn't matter where I was, time of day, I'd hit the floor, carpet or pavement. It was embarrassing.

I got my hydrangeas planted. Another trick for changing the color. Drive big spikes/nails around the base about 8" out. Get the nails that are about 5" long. Water, snow melt, etc. reacts with the nails and changes the bloom color. If you have white snowballs it will usually turn them blue. I bought all white plants. Not sure how it will look. I have weathered - 100+ cedar shakes siding with a slate roof, green shutters and trim. Classic old New England.

I also planted tulips, day lilies, narcissis, in a bed. Also planted more cone flowers around the back of the house. Guy came with his sprayer and sprayed what was my vegetable garden with liquid cow manure. He'll repeat the treatment in January or February.

I'm thinking about buying bulbs for any of the ladies who like to garden to plant at the caregiver's center. There are some nice outdoor planters around the front entrance of the building. Might work as a stress reliever for some of them.
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Rainey, oh yes, these nurseries can be addicting. I am considering a couple different hydrangeas hardy to zone 4 as a cushion. Last year Idaho received most of its snow ( our area of Idaho) during the same time we in California were receiving all the rain, January and February. For a period of time here it did get down to -23. The Central Valley of California has a normal low of around 25 degrees zone 9. Except for when we get those Alaskan cold fronts cooling us to 10-16 at night. The locals here are saying we will have a repeat of last winter. Maybe sweet fanasty hydrangea or a mycrophyllia. I prefer the compact plants reaching a height of 3-4 ft with a spread no wider than 5 ft.

Taking our elderly out shopping can be difficult with dementia. My mom was pretty good but before dementia, I did not like going out with her as she would mouth off only because I was with her and it gave her courage, all due to borderline personality disorder.
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I had painful menses as well. I was able to work, however, I was very exhausted the first 3 days. There were times I had trouble getting out of bed until I had my first child. Then in my 30's I experienced severe pain and was Rxed Annaprox ( sp?). The only thing I miss about a cycle is my energy level was very high except for those 3 days. Now, my energy level is mediocre. I used to be able to weed, prune, water the front flowerbeds, then do the same in the back yard all in 3-4 hours. Now.... 3 hours is all I can do which is either front or back not both... 😥😥. It is an adjustment.
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Stacey,
Well, it is getting more unpredictable now since I am going through (perimenopause) so no more clockwork for me! The last couple of months it was almost a week early. I will get a bottle of Cristal when I know mine is finally done! Never had Cristal but I feel that is a gigantic celebration for me to warrant it! 😉 It's been so bad at times I have thrown up. It has been a significant cross to bear since I started having it. Of course nobody at Kaiser ever took me seriously and would suggest taking Motrin, LOL! That was positively worthless against it. Having labor like pains and they suggest over the counter Motrin. That's like breaking your leg and someone offering you a couple asprin! Mom had the same thing until she had her first child, then it stopped. I never had kids so it has never stopped. I suspect a tilted uterus. Mom went through menopause in her early 50's. Hoping I will follow heredity on that score as well. You poor thing expected to work through it, I could not have because I would have been on the floor clutching my abdominal area. I am not a hot house orchid either, I can handle a decent amount of pain until I am incapacitated. I know my husband has FINALLY learned to take my word for it because I have provided him with enough proof over all these years if I say something is wrong with me, I am not just whistling Dixie.
Things going OK with FIL for the time being? You are an amazing woman yourself. 😌
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Rainey, since we're getting all personal and all, Lol, I used to have very regular menses, and even had very bad mid monthly pain, ovulation or Mittleschmerz, as the Family Dr whom I worked for used to say, Lol! It was Bad, so Painful, and came on like clockwork, every 28 days.

I would be working alongside my Dr (I worked with him for 15 years) and would tell him it was "that time", and he would groan, knowing that he would have to step it up and deal with my whinning! He was a great Doc, and we had very close relationship, and he truly understood what was happening to me for about 8 hours that it lasted and usually came on at about 4pm at times I could barely stand up straight, some months worse than others. Ahh the good old days! I'd still go back if I could! 😉
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Stacey,
Sorry you went through dysmennoreah too. Nobody has a clue how it greatly affects your life unless it's you. Every job I interviewed for I had to reveal this very intimate part of my life because it was a reality once a month. I even tried clocking it and warning co-workers for possible shift changes. It also was not covered by insurance because not considered a life and death situation, a voluntary proceedure which did NOT even guarantee their would not be other complications. So, needless to say, I passed. I am nodding off now so have a great weekend all. * Hugs*
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Hi All, we're doing fine, or as well as can be expected! Same ole same ole, Lol! Good thing I'm a homebody, or I'd go out of my mind! I've only been out once since FIL has been here, now 16 days! Yikes! I see daily changes in him, he's winding down.

I tried to give Jude a call, 7:00pm her time, but she was out, I'll try again tomorrow. Hope everything is going OK for here, and yet nay be she's finally enjoying be able to get out at nighttime again!

SharynM, glad your Son and Daughter are both alright! We never stop worrying about our kids!

BOOKLUVR, you've shared some great ideas about the Cargivers outlet in your area, maybe UpsetSister might implement some of those in her Group! Hope you are feeling better too!

Golden, Love hearing about your lunches with your Grandies! How your gdg asked you questions about her birth day, So sweet! I often tell my eldest Grandson about when he was born and a tiny baby! I have called him my "Little Sugar Sugar" all his life, and now at 7, he gets embarrassed, but he still loves to look at old video footage I have of his baby years with me on my little FLIP Camera!

Rainy, Dysmenorhia, I had that too, finally a hysterectomy in my late 40'summer cleared that up! Good ridden so! Feel better!

Alli, enjoy a headache free weekend! I had 2 neck surgeries in 98', 2000. Success after the second, then a few years later, I started having HA's that started the moment I opened my eyes, × 1 year I struggled, then finally found a good Pain Management Specialist who gave me a series of Steroid injections, and I haven't had a HA since! It must have been a mechanical thing ( I have a plate and screws), at work and always looking down to read and write. INFLAMMATION cha-cha-cha, But Gone, just like that! Maybe it's your neck?

UpsetSister, I have 6 Hydrangeas in my yard, my first one in the garden of our front walkway grew so big, we had to devide it into 3 more last year, it is a bearded type, not sure of the name, but so pretty! I like how you can change the soil ph, and get the different colors!

Hi Glad, hope all is well with you!

Almost, I'm right there with you on figuring out just the right medications to keep my FIL (on Hospice in my home) comfortable. He isn't to the really bad pain levels yet.

I believe that Morphine is the drug of choice, and unfortunately sometimes they Do have to give so much that the patient is unconscious or nearly so. But it is better than them being in pain! I'm so sorry this is so hard right now, but he is in the best of places at the Hospice Hospital, which is where my own Mom ended up her final 7 days! I'm glad you are able to visit him at night! I'm sure you give him great comfort! Take Care!

Opps, FIL Calling! Gotta go! Hugs to everyone!
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Yes,
I have had dysmennoreah my whole life so when I get it, my life ceases for two days! Today will be day 2 😥. Can't wait till it's finally over, I don't have much longer and believe me, I am going to throw myself a party!!!!

Sharyn, be careful of that website, I adore Wayside and Breck's. They have turned into full blown addictions for me but I LOVE them! They both have such unsusual stuff and I like stuff that is not terribly common. Also they have your hardiness zones so you will know what will and won't work, however, I do roll the dice sometimes because the lowest it ever gets here temp wise is high 20's.

Upset, I am sounding like a broken record about how amazing you are and how impressed I am by you so just consider me part of your fan club 😉. 🌠 You are an inspiration!!!!

Thanks for everyone making me feel slightly better about not taking Mom shopping anymore. I felt like such a jerk. But I just cannot risk someone calling and reporting me because she wants to argue about everything.

I will be more "in my head" in a day or two so forgive me for being forgetful of anyone for the moment.
Golden, Glad,East, Stacey, CM, DD, everyone, Thinking of all of you and hoping all is going alright at the moment.
Enjoy your weekend! Looks like me planting my shade garden will have to wait until next week.
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Rainey, Not having cramps is one the best things ever! I sorry about the grocery problems. My brother and I both had that problem with my Mom. She would be loud and rude to clerks. She thought the whole world revolved around her. We finally had to tell her we weren't going to take her any longer.

Just finished my meeting with caregivers. The most frequent request was a quiet room with no talking, maybe some very quiet music. Other suggestions included perhaps a meditation coach, an area with coffee, tables and chairs to visit, wifi hookup (many said they had had to give up internet service because of cost). Lots of good ideas. Nothing too off the wall.
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Rainey, thank you for the info! You are very sweet to provide the site info! I'm sorry you are having such a time with cramps. I am so happy I am past that time now. Makes life so much more enjoyable.
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Almost, my brother and sil lost their son at age 38 to cancer. He was given both morphine and methedone for his pain at the end. I'm very sorry, such a hard thing to go through.
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Almost,
I am afraid morphine is the drug of choice for pain with hospice. Giving a higher dosage sounds about right to try and make him more comfortable. I know how awful this is watching a loved one suffer, you feel so helpless!
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Im greatful that my Dad was admitted to the Hospice house, I'm camping out with him tonight. He keep asking "why does this hurt so bad". The nurse has turned up the morephine pump a couple times, he is so uncomfortable. Any advice?
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Golden,
Thanks for being sweet and understanding about shopping with Mom, I felt like such a heel but I have to do what I have to to keep my stress down.
How are you doing? Any improvement? I am going through my monthly h*ll so slept all the way through dinner tonight. One more day of cramping and hopefully I will be ready to start tackling my garden work. Hope you are feeling somewhat better, I am in ditzy mode now because of the meds I am on to get through my god awful cycle.
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Sharyn,
Did a bit of reseach on hydrangeas that can handle your zone.
http://search.waysidegardens.com/search?lbc=waysidegardens&method=and&p=Q&ts=custom&uid=886459949&view=list&w=hydrangeas%20for%20sun&af=zone%3a59
Hope this gives you hope!
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Glad, the hydrangea Annabelle is hardy to zone 3. You could try it. I think I may give it a try here.
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Glad, I'm in something called 5a. My neighbor has them. I'll have to see how they do.

Golden, I'm glad you're feeling better. My biggest resource is proximity to the University. Invaluable for information. Also, students for internships. Fraternities and sororities that need community service projects, etc.

I like working on projects and staying busy. And I think this project is a good one. I think the caregiver job is one that is not appropriately recognized. I think caregiver's deserve to have resources for themselves to improve the quality of their lives.

Hope everyone is having a good evening. It's bedtime here.
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Yes, I am here. Upset amazing you have the energy for your caregiver groups!

Hydrangea do not do well in zone 5. I have tried several time and failed miserably.
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I have been so confused about the hardiness zone here. One source says zone 7 another says zone 6. I found an online article explaining the USDA decided a few years ago this area had warmed up and changed the zone to 7. This means we should not have winters colder than 0 degrees. The article goes to say, since the USDA changed the zone to 7, winter lows have been below 0 degrees. Lol!!! So this article suggests if you are new to the area, consider southwest Idaho zone 6. This clears up my confusion, zone 6 we are!!

Glad you are better Golden.  Your dgd sounds very sweet. Spending that time with the grands individually is a great way to bond, give them individual attention.  Not to mention how it benefits you too. 
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All your gardens sound so lovely. Here we are in zone 2 so very limited, but some roses, delphiniums, potentilla, lily of the valley, hostas, Japanese anemones, tiger lilies and quite a few others will do fine. I envy you the hydrangeas.

upset you are amazing in what you are developing for caregivers. Being in a small town and knowing the people must help a lot. Making children pay for medicaid payback after parents pass sounds pretty rough. Nice to hear about the services in Ohio, If one state can do it...

sharyn - I am glad that your garden plans are in the works. The grasses and river rock and so attractive. Love the colours you are putting together.

rainey - your shade garden will be a delight and the hydrangea cottage sounds so beautiful, I am sorry about mum and the groceries but totally understand.

ali -have a good time and look after yourself. I am glad you are getting away.

stacey - hang in there, I know you are busy

everyone else -let us know how you are

Finally I seem to be over this bug and have been busy. Yesterday I passed my driver's medical without the cataract surgery though I will get it done anyway. One eye is very good even without my glasses. and the other one - meh! No other issues. Here now we have to have a medical every 2 years (not 5) over 80 which is not a bad idea as people can decline quickly. Did some errands after and was tired. Today I finally took my dgd out for lunch. We had a lovely time and she asked me some interesting questions about tattoos, earrings, what jobs I had and how I felt when I found out her mother was pregnant with her and so on. I told her about her birth, as I was there. Then I took her down town for her extra present which turned out to be a tshirt. She is starting to be interested in clothes which is fun. Then got my nails done a very blingy blue/green/purple. Tomorrow I will take my dgs out for his special birthday lunch, and then downtown for his extra present. It is something I started for them quite a few years ago and wondered if dgd was getting past the point that she wanted to do it, but she still does. Once they get into the teen years you never know.

Had an interesting morning - an older teenage girl from Eastern India messaged me on face book and just wanted to chat, then I facetimed with dd, texted and phoned with dgd and texted with R. And all this before 11 am. Normally just leave me alone with my coffee until noon. I used to be a morning person, but not since I retired.
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Sharyn, Maine is good. Ohio also has tons of services. The town I lived in in Ohio had a population of 13,000. They had six income based senior housing complexes. Big senior center with 7-day a week programming. Senior transportation. Daily twice a day Meals on Wheels, homemaker services with sliding scale fees from 0 - $10.00 an hour. Best of all 28 hours per week pay for caregivers. They also give one week a year respite care. Senior can be taken to a rehab or nursing home and state pays. I think services should be more uniform state to state, but I don't think that will ever happen.
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