notrydoyoda Posted January 2012
The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?
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Glad you will start keeping your records in order, if your Sis tries pulling any BS, you will be so glad you did this!!!!
Stacey,
God love you I don't know how your doing it all. I am unsure what I would do in the same position. Maybe because I know I still have Mom to deal with when she gets really bad and I am not looking forward to that. I will have little to no help either unless hospice becomes necessary. I pray she will not suffer. If my husband asked me to help with either of his parents, after the experience with Mom, I would most likely decline. After this, I want my life back, however much of it I will have left. That is why I call you an angel. 👼
I long for peace and no more fear of dysfunction in my life even if it is for a short time. Unfortunately, I do not see that happening anytime soon. I can't remember a time in my life when I had that true feeling of peace and not feeling like I have to be ready for the next battle to arise.
Got an email from the monument company. Had a photo of brother's monument. They said it will be placed in 30 days. Also sent a photo of the final engraving on Mom's and footstone in place. It's like this stuff is never ending.
duck - oregano might be a good idea for me. Mother used to take it. The oil is a little hard to take but capsules would be fine. I take turmeric daily. NAC is good for various things. My lungs are good. I felt a little something there with this bug but it passes quickly for me. Flu shots are probably a good idea, Don't think it was me about the camomile soap. I have never used it, but I am glad it works for you.
Bedtime here - hope everyone has a good night.
I knew your brother would be thrilled with your plans, tell him you know someone who knows ADA design and can help with designing the kitchens and bathrooms. LOL!!!!!!! That will get him giggling 😉.
I will be looking forward to hearing about the progress as the project starts.
Golden,
Thanks, I do live by the "Golden Rule" and would never imagine agreeing to work with someone then do a half hearted job. No way. I always treated everyone's design with as much care as if I was doing it for myself.
I hope you get better soon, you are a wonderful woman too! Gotta get you feeling good again! 😊
I feel so lucky to have such wonderful people to talk with here, you are all valued and I look forward everyday to reading and responding. It is my sanity. 🤗
upset - Oh well. They won't get far, but it is unpleasant. I thought they were not to contact you. Can you follow up on that? They truly are out of touch with reality. Getting half of the 401k to them may keep them quiet for a while...or not. You are having a busy week.
I don't doubt that as long as there are family members, there is dysfunction. That is why I am going no contact with sis, and will with her dd and sil if I have to. I have no regrets or remorse about that decision.
Poor loons. I love them and their calls. We had them on the lake in Northern Ontario. We would try to sneak close to them in a canoe but they always dove under and came up further away.
I eat sauerkraut regularly for the probiotics. There is only only one good kind that I can buy here. Love broccoli, brussels sprouts, cabbage and cauliflower. I made some mashed cauliflower today with a little onion, ghee (instead of butter), salt and pepper and it was quite good.
I have 5 hrs of alcohol counseling tomorrow. This is a busy week.
upset - such interesting finds!!! You are a go-getter - plans for an addition already. Let us know how the session on negativity goes. Glad you have a good office space. Your billing sounds onerous.
rainey - sorry you saw such awful conditions. I don't think all are like that. You are a vanishing breed. So many these days do not take responsibility for their work - you have to do it for them.
ff -good points
tg - throw them all out sounds like a solution to me. Start with dd and sil. They can rent. They don't have to buy right away.
stacey ((((((((hugs)))))) - fil is so lucky to have you. It sounds like he is on a downhill path again. Please do utilize all the help you can get. You must feel like you are on a merry-go-round.
veronica - very good words for stacey
nature - I am a lover not a fighter too, but when I got this latest email, steam started coming out my ears. I hate it too.
Was supposed to take my granddaughter out, but she is grounded. Will try again tomorrow. This bug is still around but not as bad. I guess it will take a while yet.
I think R and I will need to go to the adjuster's office with hard copies of the various submissions and show the adjuster what the originals look like and what was left out in what they sent us back. I don't think she will get it otherwise. I am not sure if she is stalling, or incompetent, or both. Frankly, I am wondering if she has a reading problem. The guy who did the evac expenses was straightforward and clear - no problems whatsoever. I contacted our current adjuster's boss explaining the situation and he has responded having, obviously, just listened to her. So I put it all in words of one syllable again and sent it back to him. I am used to writing instructions for high school level students. I don't think our adjuster has achieved that level of reading. It would explain why she missed some questions and points in previous emails. Or she may just be being difficult. I want this over!!!
A little bit of rain cleared away some of the BC smoke in the air which is good. Weather is in the 70s ahead, and some days lower. The first frost will usually come the by the end of August. The lads who did the lawn cut it too short last time and then we had a little really hot weather, so it is yellow and crunchy in places. Hoping it will recover with a some watering. Take care all.
I think it's easy to sometimes misinterpret things mentioned on the Web. I know that my tablet often blurts out and mysteriously types things that I never meant to be typed, which is why I always Try to proofread what I've written, and I still miss half of my mistakes! I swear my tablet is haunted!
No way, please don't go! We need you here, and I personally have come to Love you, your sense of community spirit, your sense of humor and your friendship!
I think that when folks lose their LO's, they sometimes think that it's time to move on, but I think that that is when their experiences shared here are the most valuable, plus that's when they need this board the most, when so many other things come to light, the pain of loss, family strife, and so much more! We never stop learning from each other!
The way in which you managed your zany family during the lead up your your Mom's moving closer to you, to your support of her during her living there, to her passing and how you handled all of her affairs, and then your brother relations and inlaw troubles, his passing, and now the Caregivers groups that you have facilitated, WOW, I have said it before, you are a Powerhouse umongst Women, and have so much to share here! I'm glad it was a misunderstanding, and you aren't leaving us! 👍❤👏
Barb, I think you're who said a lawsuit was on the way. It arrived FedEx this evening. My brother and I are being sued for $1,750,000.00 and the proceeds from the sale of the duplex. They state that I fraudulently gained possession of the family farm, my Mom's estate. They stated my brother and I together unduly influenced our brother to gain the proceeds of his life insurance and retirement account. They sued in court in the WV county where the farm is located. I called the attorney there and he said he would take care of the situation. Said that all that will happen is the judge will throw it out and they will be ordered to pay my legal expenses. We do have to give my SIL 1/2 of my brothers 401k. I got a cashier's check for that and made a copy of the letter from the 401k company and sent certified mail to my SIL. I wish this would all end. I read an article in a family psychology journal this afternoon. The conclusion is basically dysfunction is never over as long as there are family members left. That's an unpleasant thought.
Rainey, Got a preliminary plan for house addition - exterior elevations and interiors floor plan. Faxed to my brother. He loved them. Said for me to move ahead and let him know how I wanted to handle money/ownership. He laughed at all the "senior" features I included. I pointed out to him that those AARP would be in his mailboxes shortly.
For those with insurance claims- as a provider I have to bill Medicare, Medicaid and an private ins. companies. I bill all appointments weekly. If I bill this week for Medicare I will get paid in October or November. It doesn't matter what normal charges are in my area. I get paid $33.00 with no co-pay for the patient. They will pay for one 50 minute session per month. Even though the paperwork for the session takes another 50 minutes. Medicaid is similar, but if I file electronically by Friday at noon, Maine Medicaid pays the following Tuesday. Private insurances are all over the place and they lose billing info and I have to refile. But most of them do have co-pays. The only upside to my practice is I'm a state certified alcohol counselor for court ordered counseling for DUI's. To get driver's license back they have to have 8 sessions and they have to pay $110.00 cash at each session and send payment receipt to the court. Sad, but I have more alcohol counseling than I want to do. I worked at the hospital, but retired because I had to follow their schedule. But with private practice you have the overhead for office space, etc. I'm lucky that I found office space in PJ's sons office who is a Family Practice doc. My space is very reasonable and my patients have a private entrance. and waiting room. I lucked with the space because the prior psychologist moved to Florida.
You are well loved here, nobody wants you to go!!!! *Hugs* You are like a kindred spirit to me, and I am sure it had to be a misunderstanding.
It is very easy after the experiences and losses you have had, to misunderstand.
sharyn, ali, glad and any others whose lives have moved on - you are still part of the community, you are still dealing, healing and sharing.
Group (((((((((((hug))))))))
I can only imagine how raw you must feel, given what you've been through the past 7 or so years. Be gentle with yourself. You're among friends here. ((((Hugs)))))
Not " Move on" from here!!
No matter what it is that you're referring to, I'll take the opportunity to tell you that I'm very grateful for your participation in this thread. The way you're able to know that you deserve better is inspirational to me. It's not always so obvious to people who've experienced a lifetime of grooming or dysfunctional family relationships that we do deserve better, or that we need to disentangle because we're being codependent. Etc. Etc. There are things that you know that, in reading your comments, I pick up on and I benefit from, I learn from.
Just so you know... if you did go anywhere, I would be worse off for your absence. I hope you stick around FOREVER. :-)
I felt a bit like "Why am I still hanging around DYS thread on AC?" recently. After all, my caregiving is done. Now I'm in wrap up mode, no caregiving. I need healing, though, and some growth beyond this stress bucket of a person I've been for years now, and this thread will help facilitate that for me.
A therapist would be good for me, but I've tried to get one in my current area and it's very difficult. I really, really appreciate this thread and its participants more than I know how to say.
What?!?!?!? What do you mean your expected to move on? No way, you are wonderful, do not go!
Absolutely! Even down to my doc filling out a prescrip form, they do it wrong, gotta go back, have them fix it and go back to pharmacy. Time wasters! I am super nice to people as well, then they treat me like my requests don't matter, ignore me unless I end up sicking my husband on them because even if I get irritated, it doesn't seem to make a difference! Sometimes I think it is still a chauvinistic world to a degree. Suddenly, they snap to attention when my husband gets involved.
Stacey,
You are blessed, I must be cursed. 😣 People here always charm you, promise you this and that and then you have to monitor everything they do because the guys actually doing the work, are not pro's but the owners never tell you that. Then, the owners stay for a short time, delegate and leave for the rest of the day. So much for supervising the job!!! I will be glad when the painting crew is finally done, another dissapointment. No more projects on the house where we need pro's until next year hopefully.
You are one of the most valued and valuable posters we have here, imho.
What happened?
For the support I have received, thank you all. I wish each of you the very best in the difficult job that each have in caring for loved ones.
Again, thank you.
No honestly, I do agree with you for the most part, but then again, we don't often hear people complaining on a job well done! 😉
We have been lucky with contractors, and have been lucky enough not to have had to utilize any big insurance claims, Ever! But both of those 2 industries are notorious for having slow and poor service records! We have been very lucky with our health care provides too! I think we gave been lucky period! I've never run out of gas, never in my life had a car break down on me, never had a break in, in my adult life! Now where is that block of wood, as I need to go and knock on it!
MUCH Much smoother day today!
I don't know what is happening but it seems nobody has any work ethic, pride in doing a good job to make client happy, I simply don't get it. As a former kitchen and bath designer, I made sure every last detail was correct, down to the last 1/8" inch! Made sure client understood every detail prior to ordering, contractor and I were on the same page on how things were to be done, and done right! I wanted my clients to have a great experience knowing I truly cared how the project turned out and that they were happy. If anything went wrong, fix it immediately! No client ever had to chase me. Am I a dying breed?
Insurance companies are in business to deny every claim they receive or delay it so long you have died or left the country in disgust!
Is it just me or is everything become a pain in the rear down to the simplest things? I gotta chase everyone, get them to fix, re-do, or fix myself, it's like the human race is "out to lunch" sometimes or, they just don't care enough to pay attention, especially when you have already paid for them for services. It is really frustrating having to pay people and end up doing the work for them.