notrydoyoda Posted January 2012
The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?
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ali - I use boiled water - 2 parts water to 1 part peroxide. That may be a bit strong for you It is probably better to start with a weaker solution such as 4 - 6 parts water to 1 part peroxide. I find that a spray bottle such as you can get saline in at the drug store is the best for getting it up into my sinuses. I spray about 4 times a day or more if the infection is bad. This time it was a nasty infection but three days of treatment got rid of the infection. Hope this helps. Sinus issues are the pits. Good for you for going to the gym, I am finding that the walking and exercises that I do at home are making a significant difference. You need to make it routine in your life.
upset - the story of my life . Changing plans is normal for me with CFS/FM I never know how I am going to be so I have to be flexible. I am on the mend. Wouldn't it be wonderful if your bro could be close. Sil and crew should go jump in the lake. They really are pathetic. Would any self respecting lawyer touch such a case? Hope you and PJ found a good movie. I don't envy you dealing with all the boxes. Beautiful old wooden furniture seems to be large for today's houses. I have my parents old dark carved oak dining set minus the huge buffet which went to one of my boys. I love it but it takes up a lot of room.
sharyn - bet your dad had a great Irish accent. I love accents. When I lived in England and Scotland there were such interesting regional variations. There were a few people in Scotland I never did understand though I was there 4 years.
send - "The high rising terminal (HRT), also known as upspeak, uptalk, rising inflection, or high rising intonation (HRI), is a feature of some variants of English where declarative sentence clauses end with a rising-pitch intonation, until the end of the sentence where a falling-pitch is applied." Wikipedia. Looks like you nailed it.
R and I trying to coordinate appointments is complicated this month, We both have at least one here and one down south but the dates are all over the place. I think tomorrow I will change one for the third time. They will think I am a nut case, but that's OK. Funny phone exchange today while booking the ultrasound for my ovarian cyst and the bone density test. In sequence, I was asked my name, birth date, if I was over 300 lbs, if I was in a wheel chair, and if I was pregnant. It boggles the mind - a 300+ lb, pregnant, 80 yr old in a wheel chair! My imagination runs wild sometimes.
aka upspeak! I looked it up the other night while watching the news. A woman was reporting facts, I jumped up irritated, and said to hubs: Is she asking a question, or what? Is it going to be 97°, or is she asking us if we agree? All this was happening before you commented about up talking.
He explained the word for this phenomenon is called uptalking or upspeak.
In agreement with you Rainey, it is very irritating! When I was irritated by valley-girl speak, I would imitate it somewhat, after ranting: " What valley are they talking about?
Everyone says valley, like, the San Fernando Valley, The Central Valley, San Gabriel Valley, Simi Valley----oh, gag me with a spoon, for sure!". It's like, I mean, Ya know,
I sound like a 99 y.o. grammarian criticizing the poor girls/women! Me bad.
My father came here to the U S from Northern Ireland in 1948. He actually experienced discrimination towards him due to his accent. I never thought of my father having an accent until I would bring a friend home who had not met my dad before. My friends would notice it and ask me. I only noticed my dad would pronounce the word calm as cam... rhyming with the name Pam. He pronounced the word figure as figger. I like learning about cultures and colloquialism.
My brother would like to live here permanently. He wants to build a small cottage at the back of my property. I told him to think about it over the winter and see if he really likes it come Feb and Mar. He may change his mind after a winter in Maine. I would love to have him closer.
I had a call from my SIL's sister. She says my nephew is in the hospital psychiatric ward because he threatened to commit suicide. He says he wants to die because he's not allowed to have his sons for visits and because my brother and I stole their inheritances - from Mom and from his dad. Of course, he has no responsibility for anything. I asked that she not call me or my brother anymore. I told her about the funeral and my nieces activities. She had not been told those facts. I told her I didn't want anything bad to happen to them, but I was done caring about them and did not want to hear about them at anytime. I also told her that we had documented everything, as had John, and that we followed his instructions and his will to the letter. At that point she said goodbye and hung up. I think Barb is right a lawsuit could be coming down the road.
PJ just arrived. We're going to watch an old movie. I found a box of DVD's in Mom's junk. He and bro are going thru them. Since my Mom's taste ran towards romantic comedies, I doubt they're going to find anything they like.
Rainey, I ordinarily don't want to hate anyone, but my SIL, niece and nephew I really, really dislike intensely. The idea of suing them to stay away is fantastic!! If only we could do that I'd be at the courthouse tomorrow.
Hi all, I had a few days of feeling very run down again, really spooked me, from Saturday until Tuesday, but the past two days I'm doing much better and just crossing fingers for it to hold! I have to do all the right things, none of the wrong ones. To help me do that, I signed up for 1 hour training sessions, 3x/week for the next month at local gym today. It wasn't very expensive and I need the boost to get back into a fitness routine of some kind, any kind. I can't speak for anyone else, but my energy levels and focus seem to greatly benefit IF I will do moderate exercise regularly... and I'm in a huge rut. I'm glad to have a plan to get out of the rut.
Now to read some... :-)
Sorry you haven't been feeling well! Mucinex (the stuff you ask the pharmacist to get you) works miracles on bad sinus infections. I saved me years ago when I got a really awful virus and could not breathe. That, a neti pot a few times daily and nyquil at night got me by. I was sick for almost a month! This was prior to living with Mom, hit me on Christmas evening.
Hope you feel better soon! *Hugs*
You are one smart cookie! They don't have a leg to stand on. Too bad you couldn't file a suit against them and make them pay it back. I hate to say it but I would rather make a deal that they sign an agreement that they never contact you ever again as long as you live or if they do, they must pay back every penny they stole, extorted, or whatever method used to get money or property that did not belong to them or face jail time. Can't help it, I despise your inlaws for all the damage they have inflicted on you.
Off subject completely, but I have a rant to get off my chest. What is with grown women and the "up talking" epidemic? It really is immensely annoying and I can hardly listen to them speak. I can understand teenagers doing it, hoping they eventually grow out of it, but now it is spreading everywhere, I hear guys do it too, not as much, but I have heard them. Does anyone realize how absolutely moronic they sound when every sentence sounds like you are asking a question or are unsure of what you are saying? Sorry, just had to get that off my chest. Anyone else notice this? I cannot take these people seriously when they talk that way. It's one step below talking like a "Valley Girl." Just a minor rant.
upset - Wow! That's a lot. Your record keeping capabilities are coming in very handy. You and younger bro going for therapy to gether sounds like a great idea. I do think some of the things mentioned - like physical characteristics and illness are at least part of the reason why certain offspring are favored by a narc. My sis has very light blonde hair and blue eyes like all proper (Norwegian) babies should have in mother's eyes. I had dark blond hair and brown eyes. All those wooden pieces sound beautiful. You must have a big house to be able to find places for them
sharyn I don't remember being afraid, but just wary and ready to do what I had to do to protect myself . Home was never a safe place. My sis was more sickly than I was and mother always felt she needed special attention.
stacey - so much going on and you are managing so well. Be sure to get as much rest as you can. Yes, R is doing a lot when he is here. I am grateful.
That sinus infection apparently came with the flu which is going around and I am not over it, so I cancelled my appointment in the south and rebooked and we cancelled the mountain trip. It was going to rain there again anyway. I have made a slew of appointments to get many routine things done before my eye surgery. The car goes in
tonight. Since the fire, appointments can be booked much sooner than before. Not sure why. R and I will instead go south in a couple of weeks past the badlands and visit, among other things, Writing on Stone Provincial Park - petroglyphs and pictographs. It should be interesting,
Rainey and Duck, thanks for the kind words. The support here is great!.
Hope I haven't missed anyone. This dang sore throat and blah feeling just won't go away.
Take care all
I'd also get depositions NOW from the Sherrif in WV. Retain a lawyer there to shut this down .
Wow!!! I cannot imagine.
The abuse I experienced was physical as well as witnessing it on my sibs from very early on. The emotional and verbal abuse is was destroys your self esteem taking a life time to repair.
Sis was a picky eater, sick with bronchitis every winter. She and my oldest brother were the star children. I grew up being invisible unless I misbehaved. I remember fearing in 3 re grade that my father watched me in class because he said I was lazy among other things. Getting excellent grades was important to my parent. What I went through pales by comparison to what so many of you went through.
Stacey, give my sympathies to Jude, she has been through the wringer too. And Stacey, you take care of yourself during this journey with fil.
Thinking of Stacey, Jude, Book, Upset. I know I am missing quite a few, these are the most recent ones that come to mind. All have a recent loss or are now on the final journey.
Yes there are very special women on this site that are an inspirational to us all! How Golden can forgive after all she went through, amazing! Her advice is always excellent and insightful.
How Upset handled the nightmare she just went through with strength and dignity is amazing and admirable!
Stacey, deciding to take care of FIL, knowing this was a very difficult choice with many consequences, decided to forge ahead regardless because she is a kind and loving person.
I could go on about the amazing women I have had the privilege to speak with and get to know on this site.
This site is a lifesaver to many of us. We are not alone and we can help support, empathize, laugh, cry and share.
Stacey makin cracks about picking noses, 😉 reminds me never, ever lose your sense of humor!
I hate the unknown, and that just happens to be my future coming up for a while anyways!
I forgot to mention that my hubby's brother and sister are acting up again! Those 2 can't stay well enough alone, and are determined to make my husband's life as difficult as possible and at the worst of times!
My husband has completely emptied out my FIL'S apartment at the AL place, and has turned in the keys, which means that all his stuff is now back at my house (minus a couple of trips to the dump, and to the Goodwill), and the rest is now stufded in our garage, the shed, and into the spare bedroom, which had never completely been cleared out of bits and pieces, from when my FIL left to go to AL in the first place. I am no UpsetSister, that's for sure! Lol! We are wanting to turn it into a guest bedroom, should we need additional nighttime help, as FIL'S illness progresses as we go along.
So in trying to find a and place for everything to go, hubby was still going through boxes of OLD paperwork that belonged to my inlaws, and came across a file folder Stuffed full of Money Wire Transfers, money sent to his 1/2 sister, when she lived in Florida. We're talking about over 28,000 dollars here in 2 years time, and that was only part of it! I am thinking that she had to have had some sort of drug habit or something! There was also 2 letters written by my MIL, where she was asking for adjustments on Credit card debt, where my husband's sister had charged up to
68,000 dollars on several different CC's, and she didn't know about it. And there's even more! Now isn't that the most despicable deceitful and horrible thing a person can do to their elderly (and sickly, Mom w/ COPD) retired parents on a fixed income! And I know that hubby's siblings are going to cause him troubles, once his Dad passes, over money and stuff! These 2 have done Nothing but cause their parents pain and anguish their whole lives! I do know there's nothing they can do, as theWill and life insurance payouts are set in stone, and they both get a teensy token amount, and the rest goes to my husband, but they will try to cause a stink, Mark my words! Those Azz*#@les!!!😤
LOL!!!! I was thinking of the nose comment but decided against it.
Sounds like you are doing pretty well and I will send my prayers to Jude. I always wonder how Mom's dementia will end and I pray it is not long drawn out suffering. I wouldn't want that for anyone!
Your an angel dear, you really are!
Anyways always after email is AC and I happened on two days ago and started reading.
Golden Upset, Rainey, you are all some awesome women and it bought tears to my eyes reading a few of the posts. I think about the little girls you all were during this abuse that was a norm.
Hugs, Hugs, and Hugs, you know sometimes the best advice and words come from someone who has been there. Maybe that is why so many times Goldens words strike a cord and open my eyes even if not to me or I am so deeply touched by one or another of your posts and this is with every one. I guess we just don know how much and what someone else has gone through and of course a lifetime of pain and abuse is not easily revealed or shared.
But reading these recent post helped me see how strength is born. Or maybe birthed maybe its always been and already there. Don't want to babble but there is a sameness in spirit I notice at times when I read. I mean we all express our selves differently but the love shines.
Hi all, exhausting day, I'm guessing that you are going to hear that a lot from me, and I hate self pity!
We are finding that it's best to stick to a pretty strict schedule, and I must, must keep my Hospice log up to date daily, or I will lose track of all that needs to be accomplished, plus I can then follow the trends of the day to day, and see where things are changing, either drastic or even subtle.
Today the bath aide came at 10:00am and she was great, and at 11:30am the Chaplain was here for the first time, and she was lovely too! Both times I left them to do what they do, and he thoroughly enjoyed them both. I promise that I will not be giving blow by blows of the day in the life of my Hospice patient! Ugg, I can't think of anything worse! Even I'm bored!
My biggest problem is that I don't know where this is all headed. As you know, he fell in his AL apartment, it ended up that he had a really Bad Community Aquire Pneumonia, and then other tests showed severe Cardiomyopathy, severe metabolic disorder (wacky labs), and near kidney failure from the crush injury from laying on the floor in such a horrible position for so long, which sent of a cascading avalanche of health issues, add in hypothermia and Sepsis, and the guy looked like he was a goner for sure, but Man oh Man, this guy has 9 freaking lives!
Then they found that he has this Left lung Cancerous mass which has metastasized through to his ribs on the back side. This is not his first cancer either, He has had prostate cancer, mantle cell lymphoma, and now a primary lung cancer.
And because they tapped his Rt Lung Pneumonia side for fluid build up, the Dr felt it too dangerous to biopsy the mass, and was Hospice was elected, as he is to frail to treat, and that the treatment would be so detrimental to his already precarious health.
But now how do I know what to expect? How will I know how fast this will take him down, and what will the symptoms look like as we go along? I mean Yes, I did have the chance to meet up with the Cancer Dr in hospital, and he answered all of the questions that I could think of at the time, but now I have more questions, and because this isn't a curative based treatment plan, we won't get to see this Dr ever again. I while am sure that the Nurses will have a good idea of what to expect going forward, having been through this time and time again, it's always nice to hear it from the horses mouth.
Is it going to grow, spread, How fast? Will he likely have breathing problems? Is it going to be scary? Will he panic, will I? Is he just going to waste away? I don't know, my mind is going to the morbid, worst case scenario!
To see him today, is like looking at a whole new man, good color, stronger voice, but still weak. But I've got him feeding himself, no babying him, I did at first, but he was sick sick sick, not anymore, and not until I have to. He is still absolutely helpless in turning in the bed side to side, that kind of weak, and he cannot stand up and hold that position, he just drops like a 140# wet noodle. I definitely need to read up on what to expect going forward, or go crazy thinking about it!
My little dog Charlie-girl is being so incredibly protective of my FIL! She sits on the chair in his room, and has attached herself to his blanket/throw there. Or she'll sit outside his bedroom door, and of course she barks at the newcomers, to make sure they aren't there to harm him. Several times a day, she must be lifted up onto his bed to check him out, and she doesn't like it when hubby and I are moving him or adjusting his position, one on either side of him. She is following me back and forth to his room, and will often just sit there with him, it's so sweet, and definitely a 6th sense sort of thing! She knows he's sick.
I had a long Messenger Chat with our Dear friend Jude earlier today, and her Mum is now in a Palliative Care Center, and is Actively Dying, with End Stages Dementia, dysphagia and is basically unconscious and not taking in any liquids. HER Mum had been in hospital for several weeks now, and then transfered to the Palliative care center. They are keeping her comfortable with pain meds, and that's about it. It could be hours, or maybe a day or two at the most. Jude is heartbroken, but hanging in there. Please pray for a peaceful end for her Mum, and for strength for Dear Jude. I know that she posted a poem on the AC earlier today.
Isn't it strange how several of us have all gone through this end stage dying process/death of of our parents just in the past few months, and how it always seems to happen like that? Or is it because we all belong to this "aging care website", and it's one big coincidence, Duh Stacey!
Well I'm getting rummy how, as I haven't being sleeping well, so I'm off to the couch to watch a bit of telly, where I'll fall asleep in moments, only to wake up and not get able to get back to sleep, listening for my FIL to take his last breath! Ugg, this dying process is not for the faint of heart!
Take Care All! ❤
Upsetsister, that is horrible what you have been through. It did take nerve and courage to expose you niece. I am surprised she let it go so easy. I give you your props to go and take her bag and empty it. I am always trying to think about the other persons feelings and rights while they trample me... until I have had enough. I think it is awesome how you went right into action. Hope the rest of it all works out smooth.
Glad, Enjoy! Enjoy! Enjoy! The scorpion story was so true. Which is why I love this forum because I seem to need reminders, as I am prone to fall back into "Well Maybe...."
Found Grifters on showbox I have it saved in favorites, to check out on my days off.
Rays of light peace love and joy to you all.
I chose not to have kids because of the crud I went through growing up. Didn't want to go through more of it or even roll the dice. However........if I had chosen to have kids, I wouldn't care if they had one blue eye and one green eye, that is MY kid! I would love them if they were polka dotted! I just can't believe she would do that because of eye color, tone of voice, well, I might have an issue if they high pitched screeched all the time 😉 but still, nothing could make me treat any child of mine in such an appalling manner. I have amazing hearing so high pitches are hard for me.
I have a theory, Mom felt John was the weak and vulnerable one so she doted on him, was your John the same way? He was so insecure, when he got a bit older, he had to feel powerful so I was the only thing he could feel power over. He bullied, manipulated and as he got older, he started lifting weights. Now he had to be the tough guy to hide his insecurities. He even tried to become a cop but he "got the boot" out of the program early because of innappropriate behavior towards a female classmate. She reported him. It must have been revealing into his psyche and make-up that he was permanently ousted. Thank God, right?!?!? I cannot imagine if he had slipped through and became a cop! Yikes!
Maybe your Mom felt he needed her more, you and Jay more confident, independently minded? Just a guess. If she behaved that way soley on eye color and vocal tones, that say's she was not quite right and obviously neither was he. Maybe she picked up on his similarities to her and that bonded her more towards him. Again, a theory.
I like lower toned voices myself, not higher pitch squeaky!
A good few days tackling your garden will help your state of mind processing the recent events you have been through. Remember the good ol saying, "You can pick your friends but you can't pick your family."