Follow
Share
Read More
Find Care & Housing

34K Comments

Newest
First Oldest
First
304 305 306 307 308
Upset, I'm sorry about your niece - it's funny how folks discount how bad "users" can be until it happens to them in front of their eyes. My best friend couldn't believe that I was not willing to have an ex of hers in my home when he borrowed money from me and never paid it back, in fact told multiple people we both knew that he had paid it back and I owed HIM money!! Later, when he ripped her off for rental of a vehicle that was not returned on time or the right place (she almost ended up facing auto theft of rental vehicle on car she rented for him to drive...not understanding it was to visit another girl...) She ranted about him and was upset that I wasn't more angry on her behalf. Remember the parable about the frog and the scorpion? Scorpion stung and killed frog after getting ride across river "it's my nature". Grifters, scammers, users, gaslighters - it's their nature. She saw what happened to me and couldn't believe he'd do it to HER. I am glad that you kept the library donation and family stuff out of her hands. Sad about the kiddos, but they have good custodians now with grandparents, sounds like. Take care.

***Today would have been my mom's 81st birthday***
Miss you mom.
(6)
Report
I'm still up packing stuff. My brother stopped at Target and got me some bubble wrap. I have an antique dealer  coming tomorrow. Buyers don't want wood cook stove, plus there are some other things that I don't want or need. I'm anxious to get home and close this chapter. We're going to try to move up moving to Tuesday.

I called the county sheriff and told him we had had a problem. He said he would have a car sit overnight at the underpass to make sure no one strange came up the road overnight. I don't trust any of them.
(8)
Report
DaughterLu, I'm sorry you're having such problems with your brother and sister-In-law. I don't know your location, but many facilities that are private pay to start with and when money starts to run out help you to apply for Medicaid and it's not a change of facility but rather a billing change. There may be a change in amenities such as beauty shop etc. One is allowed to retain $40-$60 a month of Social Security or pension for personal needs after savings/or investment money is gone. My aunt and I were the POA for my great aunt. She was ever married and did not have many resources. We sold her house and spent her resources for private pay. A couple of months before we knew her money would run out we applied for Medicaid. She was approved. We got $40 per month for personal expenses. We used that to buy her medications. We picked up and did her laundry every week so she wasn't charged for that . Several of other nieces and great nieces each kicked in $10-20 a month to pay to have her hair done weekly and to buy her little treats and pay for new nightgowns, underwear, etc. At times if she had a specific medical issue we paid for prescriptions too.  At her facility no one knew which patients were private pay or Medicaid. There were no differences in rooms or treatment at the time she passed, she had a small insurance policy that paid for her funeral with some left over. Her will left any money left over to her nieces and nephews. We each "inherited" $37.00. We all went out to dinner together. Your brother should not be making thing so difficult for you and your mother.
(7)
Report
Sorry about my happy message a few pages back about bad bro and SIL's big change. They might not have had as big a change of heart that I was so happy about. On our 2nd visit with them at a restaurant on their way to the airport, Mother asked bro if she ran out of money would he help her (it seems he took a good amount of her estate out in his name in 2008 so that if she ran out of money it would be safe from the 5 year look back period but under his false belief that the private pay facilities do not move a resident out to a medicaid facility if they run out of money - I told him then Father would roll over in his grave - don't do it and that if she doesn't have the money - the facilities are now placing residents in Medicaid facilities if they have nowhere to go. Bro does not need money). In 2016 at rouge facility, I asked Cousin what did he do (by joining the facility in their plan to remove me with his consent) - Mother was negligently injured and we went through a fortune in 6 months in Personal Care with round the clock Caregiving for Mother during her most critical periods when they wouldn't let me stay with her 24 x 7 anymore), he yelled at me that, we should have round the clock Nursing aid instead of me staying with Mother. I asked him if he wanted to pay for it, he snapped out screaming into the phone, he couldn't stop screaming that I should pay for it . I don't have that kind of money. I would like to move Mother to our home if Mother runs out of money but my cousin would probably fight that just for his ego. Bro and SIL spent an evening with cousin while visiting. Cousin is a worry but SIL said again that I am doing a good job and asked me about my accepting Jesus as my Lord and Savior. There is hope that Bro and SIL could be more support . There is a lot we could do manage Mother's money better. I am in the same position with Mother's stockbroker that I was with the rouge facility. My brother has made money with them but her account just sits there. We are equal but I am shut out of any input. Bro does nothing for Mom's account. She has a management fund that the brokerage house makes a high commission on. Mother wants to change stockbrokers. I am afraid what Bro will do. Bad bro and SIL used the same prejudicial lies about me like they did to the rogue facility. It is not a coincident. SIL was leaving messages on Mother's phone last year to "Get that F- ing daughter of yours out of there. It helps to write this out. Hopeful but cautious is the best approach.
(3)
Report
Not thinking of camping, Glad. Want a hotel with a hot tub!

The idea was fishing, then go back to the hotel and soak in the tub! 😊
(4)
Report
If it raining, Golden, what about camping? Inside, comfy bed, shower sounds better to me. The ground has gotten awfully hard in the past number of years.😁
(4)
Report
upset -that is too bad. The whole thing was a set upright from the start with niece playing the victim. Good for you for spotting and calling what was happening. Jay got an eye opener. He would never have seen that car again. Some addicts do get clean, but obviously, she is not one of them yet anyway. Just saw your post. I am sure you are shaken - it was a horrible experience. (((((hugs))))) Glad that her fil is following up.  Those little ones need to be protected. I am so glad that the kids have great (as in very good) grandparents who are caring for them.

I am convinced that BPD is inherited in my mother's side of the family. She had several cousins with the characteristics, while her sibs and my grandparents were the nicest people. My sis has it too and dd shows as well, but has done a great job getting herself on a good track.

On another topic - weight lifting I saw a video where a 79 year old woman dead lifted 225 pounds and it didn't even seem like an effort to her. She has only been weight lifting a few years and looked like the average grandma you would see in a grocery store - well rounded with short white hair. The next grandma to do it won't be me!

Raining today. If this keeps up, we won't have to worry about watering the tomatoes.
(3)
Report
I've seen both movies. I guess I watched them as entertainment not education.

My younger brother got back. He was so apologetic. He said he believed me before about what they had done, but he said watching it happen and hearing about it later were two different things.

I have an old, really good friend who lives about 4 blocks from where my niece's grandparents live. I called her and told her the short version of what happened and that she should keep the whole crowd out of her life. She met them at the funeral. I would hate for my niece to do anything to someone, but I think she would try it again if she could.

Today has truly shaken me. I would never do the things they've done. So dishonest and disappointing. Her father-in-law called me. He wanted to know if I would write a statement about what she had done and have it notarized and for my brother to do the same. He said he wanted them in case she went to court to get more frequent visitation. I told him we would get them to him this week.
(6)
Report
Barb,
My former M.D. psychiatrist put me through a training course to protect myself.
One of the assignments was to watch these movies:
"Grifters" and " Gaslight".

You are correct, they are called "grifters".
(5)
Report
Upsetsister,
We don't usually talk because I don't know you very well. I just want to interject here that now you know (once burned), that qualifies you to advise others on so many levels.
1) Some would never suspect a family member with the same behaviors as niece.
2) You not only found out, you took action, which is an honorable thing to do for someone who has been conned.
3) You were generous to share what can happen to the innocent caregivers, to be aware.
Experience is a good teacher. imo.

Oops, now I see that you wrote it was twice burned.  So sorry.  Join the club, now you are a card-carrying, card-checking member.  Welcome!  It's not you, it's your family's behaviors.

.
(5)
Report
Stacey, Funny about your FIL offering you "pharmaceutical" assistance. You're doing a great job. Let your BIL finance his own trip to visit. Although I shouldn't be giving anyone advice on relatives who con people.
(3)
Report
Barb, I've wondered about the genetics thing. My dad's family didn't have anyone like that. Just hard working farm people. My mom and her two brothers were always demanding. One of her brothers was married 7 times. The other one lived off his wife's hard work. And then I have several cousins on my Mom's side who have no responsibility. My SIL's family has a big assortment of not so honest people. I think the little girls are in a really good environment. I hope genetics don't come into play with them. They're both so cute. The 4-yr old is very bright. Goes to preschool. The younger stays at home with her grandmother who quit her teaching position to take care of the girls. Her grandfather is an attorney.

Send I've kept a freeze on my credit since the first time they ripped me off. Tried with Mom's, but she would authorize charges on her card for them. and even my deceased father. My bank sends me a text with every transaction so I can make sure they are mine. 
(5)
Report
Upsetsister,
You were brave to expose your neice, many people would still be wondering and would not have spoken up. Your brother's support was amazing!
Everyone with dys family members need to take notice, ask around before they get to
your home. These people will have a history.
It still hurts to see them do this, to be forced to let family go for your own protection.

Some people would have had her arrested.

So sorry this is something you will have to remember, while still letting go.
Since you do not know all that she has done, please call the 3 credit reporting agencies and file a 90 day credit freeze, and check for charges on your credit cards, as well as family, brother, and your deceased loved one's credit profile. imo.
(6)
Report
Grifters, i think they're called. Very sad, Upset. Glad you took the gloves off. Keep an eye on the mental health of the little ones, if you can. Bad genetic loading.
(5)
Report
Stacey, helll no, you & hubs are not responsible for financing Bad Brother's final visit. But you already knew that!

What a dreadful jerk. If BB wants to come say his goodbyes, he needs to put the trip on his (or wife's) credit card and figure it out later. Or get an open line of credit from the bank. Or a HELOC. Or sell some valuables!

Gawwd I cannot stand trolls like him.

Hang in there, Stacey. You are a rock for your husband. And your convo w/FIL about hospice handbook was sweet. Hilarious that he offered you some of his dope!

Whatever it takes for the humanity to surface, eh? In better times, FIL was primarily a pain in your rear end. Nice that you two are connecting a little now. 

Enjoy your beautiful weather -- and try to get some sleep!
(2)
Report
Upset,
My chin is on the floor reading your last post!!!!! People are just amazing, low belly crawling vermin to even attempt such attrocities especially under the current circumstances! Taking advantage after a funeral and all you did to make it pleasant as possible. *Shakes head* That behaviour is absolutely so foreign to my entire make up as a human being, I can't understand the whole thought process.
Happy you sold the farm, one less thing on your plate and glad it went to the neighbor.
Battery running low so gotta re-charge and get back to you. Wow, I will just be reeling from your last post for a while. 😣
(2)
Report
Oh Upset! That da*m niece. Such a violation.
(2)
Report
Upset, how awful!! I am so sorry. Here your brother was trying to help her and she just steals from both of you. A wolf in sheeps clothing for sure. At least you got the things back especially the money to donate to the library. My heart goes out to both you and your brother.
(2)
Report
Never trust a dys family member. I was sitting out on the porch thinking about my niece. Something had been nagging in the back of my mind but I had no clue what. Bugs started getting bad so I went in. I happened to look at the kitchen table where I had left some things I wanted keep, but that needed to be carefully packed. I needed bubble wrap and was going to pick up tomorrow. I suddenly realized two things were missing from the table. An anniversary clock and a very unusual kitchen wall art piece. Both were sent to my Grandma by my aunt when she and her husband were with the Army in Germany in the 1950's. My niece had asked about them earlier. I went straight to the living room and asked her what she had done with them. She said nothing. My brother looked at me like I was crazy. I told her I had left them on the table 2 hours earlier. I started toward the bedroom she was using. There was a large tote bag on the floor. I took it to the living room and opened it in front of my brother. There was the clock, wall piece and several other items from throughout the house. My brother told her to get her stuff. He made her open everything. We found an envelope from a drawer in the kitchen. I had stupidly put it there after the funeral. We had asked for no flowers but memorial donations to the local library. There was about $1100 in the envelope and I was going to take to the library in the morning. My brother checked his wallet and there was $200 missing. He had left it laying on the dresser this am while he went running. He asked her where it was and she threw her purse at him. Anyway he told her to get in the car she was going back where she came from. He hasn't gotten back yet. I called her little girls grandparents and told them what she had done. Hr father-in-law said he was not surprised. He said he and his wife did not let her in their house. He said that he had told his son repeatedly to divorce her if wanted to see his daughters more. He said they felt strongly that she, her mother and brother were bad, her father, my brother just listening to and going along with them which he shouldn't have done. I'm so disturbed by this whole mess. How many times will I be so stupid as to believe these people. I hope never again. They are pathological liars and theives. Glad and all who warned me, thanks.
(6)
Report
Upset and Rainey, good grief, the two of you have plenty to deal with now. I had my turn, and it has largely wound down over the past two years. Course, if you count asking ts2 for information on mom's health with no response it continued until the fall mom had three weeks before she passed. At least I was informed of how badly mom was doing. And very happy I was closer to home.

Upset, I would be very careful about niece. She could be getting herself and mom and others setup. UGH! When do they stop?! They won't. Just be very careful.
(5)
Report
Rainey, How are things with your Mom and bro?
(1)
Report
I don't blame you for keeping a distance, I know I would too. I think you did great re the service for your brother. Selling the farm to someone so close is awesome. You have done great by your mom and brother regardless of their treatment. You don't owe the rest anything more.
(5)
Report
Sharyn, I did everything I could to make my brother's funeral as nice as possible. But my memory of all the garbage that he and his family did is all too fresh in my memory and my niece was just as a big a part of it as her mom, dad and her brother. I'm not going back down the road to dysfunction junction. I won't be used and abused again by any of them. Her little girls are sweet and I know she wants to be around them. I also know they have loving, intelligent and very good grandparents taking care of them. I think it says something when the grandparents restrict their own son's time with them just as they restrict my niece's.

I sold the farm to the man who owns an adjoining farm. My dad and uncle had known him since childhood and always liked him. His son farms with him and he wants to update the farmhouse for he and his wife. So while I feel a little sad, I know it's going to people who will farm. I'm going back to packing. My brother took my niece to visit a cousin so I don't have them in the way. The people buying said to leave anything I didn't want and they would use or give to charity. Makes things easier for me. My brother and niece are thankfully leaving for Cleveland tomorrow. Thank heavens they won't be in the way.
(7)
Report
I stay away from politics, religious discussions as people get too heated up.

Margeaux the boys are great!! They love coming to papa-Grammys house. That is what they call it, lol!! I am happy to ear your mom is doing well.


Keep your distance upset re niece. She could be wishy washy.
(3)
Report
When you're from WV It's hard to get past the dumb hillbilly stereotypes.  I wish they would do away with that red state blue state thing. I'm somewhat ambivalent about politics. I don't like the fighting - reminds me of my bad marriage. 

I pointed out to my brother that our niece was the one who used to visit, ask for money and then yell at Mom and call her old and stupid. Mom was not particularly nice, but she didn't deserve that treatment at her age. Yes she and her mother had drug charges. Nieces were dropped for some reason - her mother's weren't. I think my brother will regret getting involved. I told him to do what he felt was necessary but not to bring it to my doorstep or try to involve me. He needs to execute my brother's will as it is. I called the funeral home. I'm going to pick up a death certificate in the morning and file for my half of the life insurance. The issuing agent said I could stop by his office tomorrow to do the paperwork. Same with my brother's bank IRA and 401k. In WV they don't have to probate accounts. I do think my SIL because of federal law will get part of his 401k.

Stacy, Is there a nearby VFW chapter? They were very good when my dad was ill. They visited him as long as he was interested in visitor's.  Also after Dad passed away, they called the monument company and made sure that my dad's Navy service and dad's service dates were on the back of the monument. It was a free service. I think VA pays. VFW could probably help with the medal too. They have books on that sort of thing.
(4)
Report
upset - I think a trip to the craft section of W-mart might get me something. I do believe that your niece was involved, She is the one who had drug charges? I am glad you spoke to her and put your valuables in a safe place.

rainey - I went online and saw the timer set up. Not worth it for three somewhat spindly, but very cheap tomato plants! R put plastic bottles in the pots but they are releasing water too fast.Things do change don't they? I went back to my home town some years ago and hardly recognized anything.

margeaux - I am still tired but getting better. Bring alone for a while helps.Glad your bil is out of hospital. Sibling relationships are complicated. Better, as you did, let hub figure it out. Good that your mum is OK. Re the tomatoes - a straw would work fine if they could suck!!! ;) lol

veronica -yes they might burn though it does not get that hot here - mainly in the 70s these days. I have thought of bringing them in later on. I have a nice sunny window in the breakfast area. The first frost comes here the end of August.

stacey - looks like you have everything lined up and in order, I am so glad fil is appreciative and also that BB will not come till he can finance himself. You don't need any sibling interference. I don't think you are responsible for getting him to your place. Your hub is dealing with a lot right now. I know he appreciates you too. Be sure to take some time for you! Routine is good!

sharyn - thanks for the tip about powdery mildew. I read about shoe laces and they are so easily available. Those and a couple of large buckets of water may do the trick or asking dd to come over every 2nd day and water them. I could promise her some of the crop.

glad, ali, trying, guest, heart, madge and all - thinking of you and hoping things are decent with you.

Think I need a nap today after a nice soak in the air jet tub.
(5)
Report
Margeaux,
So true. I actually begin to feel more and more like an outsider in my area of birth all the time! It is a far cry from how it was when I was younger. Everything changes, out with the old, in with the new, that's just how things work. I agree the media certainly does a job showing all the nutcases here and not the quiet, nice, normal folks who lay low and just try to live their lives in peace. I feel so old when I hear myself mourning for the "way things were" back in the day. Stores, restaurants, etc that made it unique and special, dissapearing one by one and it becoming something unrecognizable from it's former self. *Sighs*
(1)
Report
Sharynmarie,

Wow!! So you are making adjustments to the move.
That's such a stereotypical way of thinking when people don't like people from wherever,
rather than base it on lets get to know this person. Californians, o.k. maybe not all are good people.
There are good and undesirables undoubtedly in every state of the Union. HAAH!! Interesting fact too......many people in California are not California natives. So how does every one like them apples!

Anyway, I don't think Californians, nor anyone from any state should be painted with the same wide brush.

Thank you Sharynmarie for your input about my BIL's. We are managing, what can I say!
My mother is doing well. But she did have a rough time two weeks ago. My sister said it had to do again with her bowels. My sister gives her some fiber product to help her go. But this time it sounds as if she and the CG, didn't communicate what had been given, then it was over kill. Poor thing!

How are your grandsons? I'll bet they're enjoying grandma.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux
(1)
Report
Golden,
They use the term "wicking" for temporary watering set ups. I had seen a whole portable system in a catalog I got at one point, had a timer and several lines for multiple plants and a main bucket reservoir system. Can't find that one for the life of me now, but that was one idea. I saw another where they used liter bottles filled with water and spike nozzles on the ends that slowly let the water out as needed. Hope that helps!
(1)
Report
Margeaux, happy to hear the nil is out and his brother is there to help. I hope this takes worry off your hubs shoulders.

Golden, tenting may cause the plants to get moisture on their leaves which tomatoes are prone to powdery mildew. I would avoid doing that. Throughly watering and using a cotton wick should do the trick. Cut the ends off a shoe lace and soak in water throughly wet it first.
(2)
Report

Recent Questions


Popular Questions


Related Questions

Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter