Follow
Share
Read More

34K Comments

Newest
First Oldest
First
314 315 316 317 318
Gershun, I have the same problem with interviews and with telephones. My gosh, when I answer a phone I sound like I am being held hostage :P

A lot has to do with the stress of helping my parents. It got to a point where I would panic when the telephone rang, then I couldn't think straight. I felt like I was the one with dementia. Haven't been able to shake that. Thank goodness for emails, as I can put together a pretty amazing letter :)
(5)
Report
Hey, do u mean Worcester, Massachusetts? It's not that far from where I live in the MetroWest area. One of my Daughters had an apartment there, back in 2006, it was in a nice area. She shared with 2 other girls.
(2)
Report
Good answer Glad. If you can do caregiving, you can do anything anywhere.
(5)
Report
What I do not understand is why us former caregivers are so hesitant to leave an area. I did. Did I want to? No! But I was able to return to my career, left my family, then was able to get much closer to home. I am happy here, a much smaller community. I was fed up with the big city nonsense and the crime that goes along with it! Though I did not experience any of that myself, I was pretty insulated caring for mom and L for those four years in a city I would never want to live in again.

Everything has turned out fine because I was willing to sacrifice, once again, to find something that was important to me. And I am very happy that I did! Go for it! Bite the bullet! Take a chance on the unknown. It was much better than what I had! And last but not least, have the courage to think outside of the box. You did the caregiving, that is the hardest thing you will do in your life, and you got through it. I did.
(6)
Report
Ali, if a married man is showing you interest that's probably one of the reasons his marriage is over (according to him) You can always tell when men or women in relationships give you that come hither look. It makes me uncomfortable. I don't care if your marriage is in the toilet. Flush it first and then maybe............and even then probably not.

So I had a phone interview today for a potential job. Man, I am disappointed in myself. I was ering, and uhing. Something I never used to do. I used to be a very articulate, high functioning administrative gal. I just checked my email and she couldn't wait to inform me I am no longer being considered for the position. To be honest, I wouldn't have hired me based on how I sounded on the phone either. Not that this was some great career move for me or anything like that. I am just looking for something to get me back into the land of the living. Instead of living like a mole like I have been doing.
(7)
Report
Ali, That totally sucks about the downstairs after all you went thru. Consider yourself lucky you found out he was married before you went out with him.
I met a guy in OH who was really nice. He asked out several times but it was always a time when I was working or something. I was visiting a friend and was telling her about him. He was from Omaha. She asked his name. She had worked for a non-profit and he and his wife were donors. She got a friend in Indianapolis on the phone. He had tried to date her and a couple of people she knew. He liked to have someone available in every town he traveled to. Yikes! Dodged that bullet.

My brother and I worked on our parents stuff. He got upset when he saw all the cancelled checks made out to badbro. He didn't realize it had been going on so long.
(4)
Report
yeah Ali i know what you mean. I have been priced out of Worcester which used to be low rent .


Darn hipsters lol
(4)
Report
I'm not considering an affair with him, it just irritates me that I'm even presented with this "opportunity." His youngest is 5, he tells me that pregnancy/child was an attempt to save the marriage, and oops, lesson learned. Of course I only have his version of things to go by, too. It doesn't matter that he's a quality catch in some ways, and he is or this wouldn't even be something I bother to share about, he's MARRIED, thee end. I've told him that a few times now and he says that's fine, we'll still be friends only. Hmm. Just weird.

The rental places in the city are so competitive. If a good one comes on the market, it's scooped up in a week. What's left are the ones w/o one or several key things: enough room, or put together in decent way, or close access to parking. And still they charge $1200-1300 for these not-great apartments. I truly think it's gone up quite a bit just in the years I've been here in the suburbs. I used to be able to find places that looked ok for $800, back when I would dream of moving out and making a run for it lol. I don't see those places anymore. Hmm. It's just stuff I need to figure out, and I am, and I will, and I'll make the best decisions I can. Thanks. :-/
(3)
Report
NOPE ALLI, just NOPE! Once a Cheater, always a Cheater!

Remember, it's Supposed to be hard to get out of marriage with small children! Unless of course there is abuse, and then it should be Easy! 

My first one was abusive, and it was Still hard. I covered for him the first time, and quickly walked the second time! Don't ask Me twice! So Long sucker! Should have done it the first time! Live and Learn!
(2)
Report
If his daughters are small then it hasn't been over for that long, has it? Don't waste your time, Ali.
(4)
Report
Ali ,look at it this way if he cheats on his wife, more than likely he would cheat on you too
(7)
Report
Butting in... with a scowl. Stupid house! The entire newly redone basement area has warped -- the panelling, the baseboard. It looks like a fun house down here. I've been running the dehumidifier when I saw the humidity was getting a bit high. It's not damage from any seepage, it's just the materials used in the rehab are cheap!

NOT MY CIRCUS. But I'm ticked off. There will be no recourse. It looks terrible. I'm just mad... at everything that goes wrong and keeps going wrong here.

And meanwhile... since I don't have the nerve to look at other locations, apparently... I'm still looking for a place in a good, safe neighborhood in Chicago, close to public transit and commerce central, and the rent is crazy. Just crazy what the market value is on these tiny, vintage apartments. :-( I'm betting on it being "worth it" to rebuild my career. I still think it will be worth it, but who truly knows. I see many people living paycheck to paycheck here. How does that build anything?

I'm having a grumpy moment. It will pass.

I just spoke to a good friend of mine who I adore, he has his science doctorate and we have same hobbies and he's just the cat's meow, and he is interested in me, too... except he's married with 3 small girls and there's No Way I'm going to be the other woman here. I don't care how much he declares his marriage "over" and "it has been for a long time." If you're still living with your wife, then your marriage is Not Over. And I suppose this all is part and parcel of "Life Isn't A Fairy Tale."

I'm going to have to get very serious about what it is that *I* want. I'm thinking... all the time thinking and pondering. It would help everything right now if I could just find a decent little place with just enough room and close enough to get a job, and they'd rent to me. Otherwise, landlord friend told me to give him my decision by end of August. His 1 bedroom is open on Oct 1. If I take it... then I'm in limbo still for 2 more months.

It is what it is... and it could be much worse.
(6)
Report
Well I think those "Thanksgiving plans" put the lid on it, don't you? - your mother has lost the plot. It's kind of obvious. I hope, and I expect it's a reasonable hope, that she will recover and in due course get back to nearer normal; but for all practical purposes there is zero point in asking her for information because she quite clearly hasn't a clue what's going on or what the plan is.

Is there some reason why you can't speak to someone on her care team at the rehab facility? You need a reliable source of information.

I also don't really understand why you're so certain that your brother is planning on your moving in to care for your mother. Has he said anything of the sort?
(5)
Report
Hi All. Thank You for your advice. I do have some recent updates about my Mother. I have been getting different versions/stories from both my Mother and Brother. My Mother is going home from rehab either this Thursday or Friday. Last week she told me that she would be staying at my Brother's house - because she really had no choice - and now she says that she will be just fine going back to her own home. I texted my Brother and to told him to call me so I can get more info, but he has not called. So, I sent him another message and said that I could not take care of our Mother. If I wanted to, I would only go to her house under certain conditions. I sent him a list of what I would need in order to stay with her. For example: I need my computer for many reasons, so he would have to order internet service to our Mother's house and I know he won't do that because "it will cost more money", and I also told him that I would have to borrow one of his cars to take our Mother out, if need be, because she can't get into my Jeep. Also, he would have to out and buy a new big flat-screen TV because I would need something to do there at night. I also told him that I would only go there if my Mother had around the clock professional Home Health Aides at her house for the first week or so, because I would need help. Well, after I had texted that list, I have not heard back from his at all. I hope that I shocked him into reality, but since he refuses to call me - I have no idea what he thought about my "LIST". So, I will call my Mother again today, at the rehab, and try to find out what will happen when she goes home. She will have some home visits from a therapist - I think. As I said, no info from my Brother. Right now, my Mother is in a much better mood - thinking about being at home and doing her own thing. She is now planning on having a big Thanksgiving get-together at her house. I am happy that she is feeling better and in good spirits, but she is not facing reality about being at home alone. Hope to get more info today. Thanks all.
(6)
Report
Rainey, That's classic - stealing back your own bike!

My brother is playing golf. When he gets back we're going to work on going thru Mom and Dad's stuff. Hopefully we'll get it cleaned out while he's here. He's on vacation right now, but he may stay a few more weeks and work from here. It's fine with me. He 's good company and very self sufficient.
(5)
Report
Upset,
What a scary story about the break in! That would have freaked me out. Feeling violated. I'm telling you, the next step is security cameras, I have been told that even if they are dummies, if would be thieves see them, they won't choose your place. A lot of people are using them now and have them hooked up to their phones, where you can check anytime and they will send alerts to you. Lots of options. Sounds like your covered pretty well though and glad to hear you and your good brother walked away from badbro! You both need to keep up a good alliance.
Veronica has another great idea of putting up a sign saying your house is protected. I have been thinking of that too. Because of badbro, I think I will have a real security camera installed in case he tries anything crazy, I will have real evidence. Wish I were a dog person but I don't need anymore animals to take care of. Two cats keep me busy enough 😊.
Stacy, what a story! Sounds like a wonderful way to turn a bad situation around! I remember at Christmas time when we were kids, my brothers had their ten speeds ripped off from our walled off front patio. I had my ten speed ripped off from the bike rack at school. I was in total disbelief! One day, I was walking over by a local strip mall, there was my bike, chained body to tire but not to a rack or pole. So, I picked it up, walked over to Sears Automotive, told the guy I just found my stolen bike and he happily cut the chain off for me! One of the happiest days of my life 😊. How many people can say they stole back their own bike? Wish I was bigger because I would have loved to bust whomever it was but it could have been a guy and I never would have gotten it back. It was a victorious day!
(5)
Report
It's all scary. In 2010 when I first started taking care of Mom someone came in during the night. We didn't realize anyone had been in until Mom went to get something from her purse and it was gone. They had torn out the screens on the back enclosed porch and cut out a square on the dining room door. We called the police and there had been 4 other homes and about 10 cars broken into.

My brother had fun with the kayaking. He grilled dinner which was good. PJ came over after dinner with a bunch of the boys. They all played volleyball.

Fortunately, no further word from badbro. SIL family is taking care of things for them. They'll be sorry, but that's not my problem.
(5)
Report
In California we had no problems in our neighborhood. We don't leave our slider open. Growing up, my parents left the windows and slider open at night as well as doors unlocked. That changed in the late 60's.

My sister's house was robbed while at work one day. It is very scary.

Stay safe everyone!!
(4)
Report
Great tips Veronica! We have bushes outside and beneath all our accessible bedroom windows windows, and that does deter criminals. My yappy little pooch works pretty good too!
(3)
Report
Stacy what a heart warming story!!! Thank you so much for sharing.
(4)
Report
I live in a fairly rural area, but I do have neighbors. There is only one road in and out. There is marsh along one side of the neighborhood. Some neighbors are summer visitors. We have s security gate with a 24 hr a day guard at the gatehouse. Two of the summer residents are very wealthy and pay for the bulk of the cost. The rest of us pay $100 a month toward the cost. I also pay for lakefront patrol with other neighbors. I'd rather be safe than sorry. Drugs and meth cookers look for vacant houses. It is a sad we have to be so careful.
(8)
Report
Sharyn,
Makes sense, that is where they stand to make more of a success in. I however think it was someone who had been on the property before because we have had a lot of work done to the landscape over the years. The previous owners had really let this place turn into a wild jungle. Finding good workers is not easy, they promise you the moon and then they turn out to be a big disappointment. This person had to know the property and that Mom was mentally not sharp. That is my guess. Either way, nowhere is really safe anymore. The world has become a very different place compared to when I was growing up. The scammers are getting more clever and brazen.
(4)
Report
I live just outside a small city in Upstate NY and have never been fearful in this area but do use common sense precautions. I rarely go out after dark these days and if I do i park as close to my destination as possible under a light.

I always lock my car even in the garage at home. When walking back to the car I have my keys in my hand ready for a fast get away. if I see trouble brewing anywhere I get the h*ll out of there.
We do have a security system and outside lights plus individual call help buttons in case of accidents but they could be used for any emergency and if we failed to answer the phone from the security company they would immediately send emergency services.

I never carry large amounts of cash, usually about $20 and keep my credit cards in metal case. if i had valuables they would be in a purse under my clothing. Should I be unfortunate enough to live in a bad neighborhood I would fool the purse snatchers by carrying a dummy purse. It would be complete with all the things an old lady usually carries and a very small amount of cash, even a fake set of house keys. I am sure we have plenty of old ones lying around the house for previous residences. You can pick up an old purse and wallet for a couple of $s at a thrift store. No loss to you and it gives you time to hobble to safety or call 911. Can't afford a cell phone. Again they can be picked up cheaply at a thrift store and if you don't have service as long as you keep it charged you can still call 911

Keep away from crowded areas and watch your cart in the supermarket parking lot. Take your eyes off it for a minute and someone may walk off with it. A friend had that happen and I nearly lost mine right at the check out. The cart was loaded and I was paying and someone walked past and just started to wheel it away. I yelled at him and he stopped and returned it and apologized, said he had made a mistake. True or not I have no way of knowing.

We used to have large dogs when we lived on a farm but the minute we moved out people started to help them selves to equipment we had not had time to move. Now we just have a little cat and she hides as soon as someone comes to the house.

Even if you can not afford a security system you can put up a sign that says you have one.

Afraid of guns most people are but a can of mace or even wasp killer will slow the robber down long enough for you to get out and summon help.

Now I would not advise digging a moat and filling it with sharks or erecting an electric fence but some thick prickly bushes under the ground floor windows will help.

Always notify the local police if you are going to be away from home and if possible have a neighbor park in your driveway.

Think outside the box and keep everyone safe.
(6)
Report
I live 5 miles north of the Seattle City limits, just 3 miles from where I grew up, and along with all of my 6 siblings, who have lived close by all my life. Surprisingly, after all these years, None of us have ever experienced a home invasion of any sort.

The one and Only time Anyone has experienced such a situation, is when I was very small ( about 1965), our whole family was out on Christmas eve at a family party, and someone did break into our home and stole every wrapped Christmas present from the end hall closet, and the 3rd shower, which was used as storage, that's all they took!

Enter the picture, my Mom's parents, and her 4 siblings and inlaws, as well as my Dad's employer, who made sure that us 6 kids had the best d*mn Christmas ever!

They all converged on to the scene, with gifts (name tags changed), and my Dad who worked as a Manager for a big Variety Store, and his boss opened the store for all of my Grandparents and Aunties and uncles to come shop in the middle of Christmas eve, while Mom was home looking after us and wrapping up gifts.

That was probably one of my best first memories ever, and the story is told over and over to this day! Not that it was good thing, but it turned out to be a bonding experience and no one was hurt!

To this day, I leave my windows and back sliding glass door open (screen closed and locked) at nighttime. My little dog goes Crazy if she hears things go bump in the night, plus our yard is fully fenced in, with a locked gate. 

I cannot comprehend a day when we have to be so diligent about our safety, but I fear it is here all ready. I'm so glad to have grown up in day where you didn't worry so much over these things! I do pray for the safety of everyone I love, you all included! Be Safe!
(6)
Report
Rainey, when we were still in California, our town and I'm sure others as well, it is the nice neighborhoods that are vandalized and robbed more often than the bad neighborhoods.
(4)
Report
Unfortunately, even the nice neighborhoods are not immune to bad things happening. About a month ago, I was out working for a few hours, Mom was here by herself. We live in a very nice peaceful suburban neighborhood at the end of a dead end street. A mix of age groups and a lot of retired folks live on the block too. Some guy, posing as a landscape maitenance guy came on our property and starting doing a little clean up. Mom was none the wiser and he even tried to get her to write him a check! Thank God she has no access to her money, (I took that away when my badbro was extorting money from her on a regular basis) but the alarm bell did not go off to her and she told him her daughter handled all that and would be home shortly. Well, my husband must have left the side door to the garage unlocked so he came in and stole our brand new lawnmower! I suppose I should be grateful that is all he took but Mom again, (none the wiser) waving goodbye to him as he took off with it! He could have cleaned us out or worse, harmed Mom because she does not know NOT to trust people. So, that officially put an end to my part time caregiving because I realized I can not leave her unattended on the property. So sad this is the world we live in today. So, I had to padlock the gate into the property and we are looking into security cameras now. I guess it no longer matters how safe a neighborhood may seem, you just never know these days. What's next? Barbed wire on top of all the fences? Pathetic.
(6)
Report
Oh Gosh Alli, that's terrible! I have always been a Scardy-Cat, except when it was Me, hovering over my babies, then it was watch out for Mama-Bear, Lol!

Have you considered the Seattle area for a place to live? It's Gorgeous here, the beautiful Pacific Northwest? The many Islands that make up The Puget Sound, the lakes, rivers, the mountain and 2 different mountain ranges? Just over the Cascade mountain range in Eastern Washington, it's like the high desert in summer, so lots of easily accessible adversity! We have Tech companies galore here, 100's, Microsoft, Amazon, Boeing? Our fair city is in the middle of finally putting in a Go-train, and they are halfway out to the suburbs now. There is a massive amount of building going on, housing, Condo's, houses, Apartments popping up everywhere. It's definitely a boom town, and culturally diverse. There is never a dull moment for those who wish to get out there and do things, in all seasons, I just Love it here, and the rain that everyone talks about is a Myth too! Of course it rains, it's is so green and beautiful, but not so much to interfere with daily living! We get a couple of light snowfalls each winter, just enough to make things beautiful, but it does shut down this hilly area, and excites our local newscasters, lol!

And NO BUGS to speak of except bees, simple spiders and the occasional mosquito! 

You should check it out, and you will also have 1 built in friend in Me! 😉
(4)
Report
Ali, Being aware of your surroundings, avoiding parking lots for now. The violence this summer is unusual, promoted I believe as reported by some websites promoting teens and others to meet up to do violence-strange, isn't it?
Chicago is suffering, however, so many other places too. A man assaulting 3 different women in Beverly Hills, teens mobbing people on Bart transportation in Walnut Creek are only a small example of here-to-fore safe places. In the parking lot where I drop off hubs-a safe neighborhood, but retail, there was a fight, huge yelling young adults, if doesn't seem real. Dh walked over there to get a photo, his managers were outside watching, omg....he doesn't know any better. It is true, this is an upside down world.

Just stay safe everyone-leave any areas where crowds are gathering, imo.
(3)
Report
Ali-I think I would not want to live in a place where I was in constant worry about being robbed or accosted. When I was younger I lived in dicey city neighborhoods and was able to deal with it. I loved the city but it finally got too expensive for us. We moved to a working class town, poor but relatively safe. I like the safety but miss the culture and diversity. Maybe you could look into some other cities. I hear St. Louis is up and coming, affordable and safe :) Hope you adjust to your med change soon.

Last night Sis was at our folks house AGAIN when I brought dinner. It was a circus of course. Neither Mom nor Sis would leave Dad in peace. When I got there he was at the kitchen table with Sis's little nephew. Come to find out Sis thought they should "play cards" together. Dad was sitting slumped in the chair with his arm and head on the table. He was utterly confused and looking desperate. I asked him if he wanted to stop and take a rest. He was so glad. I walked him into the living room and he was so confused he could not figure out how to turn and sit on the couch, he kept trying to sit in mid air. It took me 5 minutes to slowly, gently turn him to sit properly. At one point I could sense that Sis was going to make him get up and walk around the house. I intervened and said he was too tired, he was having trouble breathing and his legs were wobbly, please let him rest. Sis said OK but he would have to do it later. I found out Dad is in the severe stages of pulmonary hypertension and there is no treatment. Dad is not going to get better, yet Mom and Sis keep at him. Sis actually started talking about how he was still recovering from pneumonia and it was going to take time for him to get better. I felt like I was in the twilight zone. To top it all off Mom and Sis have been making comments about how it would be nice if I was our parents full time caretaker. Last week Sis actually suggested I leave my job and they would pay me to take the place of the hired help. Saying no was never easier for me. It came out like a shot.

On another note I did approach the bathroom subject. Mom is not happy but says Sis is in charge. I asked about the waste issue and Sis says the contractor can re hook the toilet at night. Commode during the day. I tried to point out the problems with this but she started to get agitated and I backed off.

One day at a time right? I'm heading off to work. Today I will focus on that and let all else fade away
(6)
Report
Forgot to mention I rec'd some good news from Trust re: the house. They are going to go ahead and list now, list high, and see if they get some bites. This makes so much more sense than them having me vacate the house and take everything out, then list. That's foolish, so I'm glad they're taking a different approach. Of course if they rec'd a high offer, I'd be happy to get on out. But this way makes it likely that I will be already out, or close to it, by time they get an offer, and that's how it should be, not leaving the house sitting vacant in a market with a 6 month sale cycle.

My dad is doing well enough. I talk to him about once a week. He needs some help and reminding of things, but that's nothing compared to his health crises he had for some years. He sounds clearer headed, in general. He didn't understand why his electric bill was so high and I have been telling him to go down to see his building manager and they will get him enrolled in Energy Assistance program. So far he hasn't done that but he doesn't like wasting money so I think he'll get it done soon...?  He's in a fine spot, as long as he doesn't have any major health issues come up.
(7)
Report

Recent Questions


Popular Questions


Related Questions

Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter