
Many of us, myself included, come from a dysfunctional family which adds a lot of weight to the challenges of caregiving. I have read stores on various threads on other topics and decided it would be good to have a thread just for this topic for people to share, vent and discuss.
The idea for this thread originated on the thread named "The Caregiver....How are YOU doing today?"
Boy you are smart! I grew up in a house with a fancy "swamp cooler" in the dining room. Eventually, that failed and it was god knows how many decades it went before it was replaced. A lot! We looked into central air, just too expensive. So, I have lived most of my life without it. Our new old-home, we moved in a little over 4 years ago to care for Mom. The home inspectors "missed" a few expensive items that were not working, obviously the A/C being one of em! Here I was, so excited to finally have it and that summer after we moved in, I found out. Too late now! Because they had neglected the home on so many more aspects, we had to prioritize in matter of critical vs. luxury. The problem is, this house is unusual because 90% of the living area is on the top floor! So, around 4 on hot days, it is just miserable! The house is shoved into a hillside so even though it looks like a two story from the front, it really isn't. Then they put in the cheapest windows, more $$$ to fix that. A huge skylight in the kitchen that just blasts the heat in! Still, we have bigger fish to fry before fixing A/C so in the meantime, I just deal as best I can and look forward to the day we can replace it! Anxiously awaiting autumn!!!!!!
Thanks for the update! Sounds good so far, I will keep checking on your progress, looking forward to hearing more!
Thanks for confirming my thoughts about our game plan. California is just a joke when it comes to cost of living. The only reason husband and I are still here is because Mom requested I be her caregiver, wanted to live with us, and I knew my brothers would throw a fit if I tried moving her to another state away from them. They gotta keep their eye on the money! Mom also would not have been thrilled at the thought of not only leaving her house from 1968, but leaving the state. So, my husband and I's plans were "put off" for now. I am happy to hear things are working out well for you, someday, it will happen for me too. In the meantime, I just gotta hold up to my end of the bargain with Mom, it may be the biggest challenge and I never imagined it would be like this, but, I never know how long she will be here. With dementia and lymphedema in one leg, I can't see her living another 10 years, especially since her dementia is definately advancing. She was showing little signs about 7,8 years ago. She was pretty good when we moved in together but within the last month or so, I have seen a significant decline in her short term memory and comprehension. On to the next level of caring for a parent with dementia!
Things have warmed up already. Early this am I got a call from the Director of Care - the head honcho. She is very open and I liked her. She has only been there 5 weeks. We will meet with her at noon and before that with the case worker, who BTW is a govt employee not employed by the ALF. I already got better info from theDOC than from the lady who called me yesterday. After those meetings I will be making some phone calls to govt offices and a prominent senior's organization who has govt contacts. and emailing mother's lawyer.
The DOC told me they had already been considering instituting a computerized check, which she has seen at another facility, in addition to the people checks. I will strongly endorse that if she can show me that it does reduce errors.
Haven't read back. Will have more time later. R and I are prepping for the meetings.
Good drive, slept well, even exercised a little this am before breakfast. Need more coffee.
Have a good one everyone.
If you are reading this Golden I'm sure you have seen the news. Must bring back bad memories for you. I'm praying for these poor people.
Our daughter married a wonderful man who was from Manteca, he got a police dispatch job here in Idaho where his parents moved to. His parents have moved again now in North Dakota. 3 years ago they had twin boys. We wanted our grandsons to know us, be a part of our lives.
My mother passed away a year ago last June, my fil passed away a month later. We decided since hubs could retire now and cost of living is lower here in Idaho, our retirement would go much further. Our house was paid for so we sold it and paid cash for this brand new house here in Idaho. Car insurance, electricity, gas groceries are all cheaper here. Of course retail such as restaurants, clothing remains the same. It does snow here but it snows and melts, snows and melts averaging about 3 feet a year. Summers are hot like California as we are upper desert in the southwest of Idaho. Boise is 20 minutes east of us with Meridian, Nampa and Caldwell within 15 - 30 minute drives. These 3 cities are the size of Manteca and Tracy so we have everything conveniently available for shopping within a 15 minute drive. Plus we see our grandsons almost everyday!!
When I lived in your area (with central a/c), one summer was so hot, my sister and I drove her kids to under the Northeast side of the Golden Gate bridge to get cool.
Don't know how you would at all survive without a/c! Those realtors sure did not fool me when they said no a/c is needed.
The demented have no trouble speaking the truth - tonight at bro's bday mom got upset when she thought I was leaving and so I said don't worry you have all these people here
She replied, but I don't like them 😂😂😂😂😂
It was better with the old wood shake roof, but with the new composition roof I swear it's 15 degrees hotter - last weekend at 104 I almost went to a hotel
Even now I'm sweating
Sounds like your Mom had it down to a science! Just finished opening up all the windows, thank god there is a breeze going on now!
Sharyn, out of curiosity, why did you leave Manteca and what made you pick Idaho? I know at some point ( after Mom passes) husband and I will most likely look to plant our tired ol butts elsewhere more affordable so I am always curious. Not sure where we are going to go yet, in info gathering stages! This state has just gone off the deep end in more ways than monetarily!
Grew up without AC. Mom would open everything up wide about 8, leave open all night, even the doors she wouldn't shut until about 2. Then open wide in the morning about 5, then shut up tight, shades drawn by 8 or 9. That old 50's brick rancher sure stayed cool most of the time. :) So I do the same here, and works pretty well, but I do not leave doors open. The world has gone freaking crazy!
Where's hometown? I am in Marin.
Ohhhhh God! Does he have A/C? It would be so much more tolerable if it wasn't just a fan blowing hot air at you! I hope he is making it through. It won't start cooling off till after 8. Supposedly....it won't be in the 90's tomorrow but can't count on what they say most of the time. I can only hope!
Sounds like a lovely day! Mmmm, lobster, I would have enjoyed it and the scenery! A friend of mine moved to Maine, he was originally from Boston, lived in SF, then he and his partner eventually got sick of how ridiculously expensive it was to live here, (they had something to compare it too both being from East Coast) and left. I miss him terribly but it is expensive here. My husband is also originally an East Coaster, he also has a reference point. I was born here so no reference point to me except what people tell me.
Sharyn, yep it's miserable here now (again) we have been going through mini heat waves in close successions, our A/C is broken & needs to be fully replaced so I am getting sick of it now. We had the most outstanding show from our big hydrangea bushes and the heat has just cooked so many of the flowers, what a bummer!
Yeah I would actually love to see a day where everyone just said whatever they wanted, it would be hilarious and probably break into some nasty fights too, "Hey John, just wanted to tell you I think your a complete jerk, oh and Sally, you are a two faced backstabber!" LOL!!! I am amused just picturing it. I will confess, I have actually told a few people exactly what I thought of them (including employers) to their face, no varnish. They deserved it, I burned the bridge but just didn't care after what they did. It felt grrrrreeeaaatt!!!!!! 😆 Quite exhilarating walking out the door!
SharynM, so sorry to hear about your brother! It's good that SIL is an upbeat person, it makes all the difference in the world! Prayers for your brother, Sweetie! I'll bet its
going to take some time to get used to the weather in Idaho, are you at a greater altitude? Enjoying All of the seasons will be Incredible though! Hope you are settling in well!
Alli, don't fret about the apartment, think of it as a savings plan, the longer you stay in the house! The right one will turn up, but be sure to mention to any prospective landlord, that your establishing your residence first, and will find a job near by, and have the financial resources to back you up for a while, at least I hope you do! 😉
I'm still catching up, so have a few more pages to get through, so I'll chat up the rest of you guy's later!
Happy Sunday! I've got my fave sister here for a couple of days, while her husband deals with a supposed mouse in her house, Lol! She's terrified of vermin, but we Love having her, she's a hoot! My own husband would have "fixed things" by now, her's is a lazy lazy man. It's so disappointing and humiliating for her, but again, we Love her here, She COOK'S, LOL!
This is why it is nice to have a place like this site to come to. My former co- worker told me "I get so tired of being fake at work". She meant it as in how we dealt with customers. I would love to be a fly on the wall if we could say what we wanted.
Not being hot in the summer is one of the reasons I love Maine. I went over to the coast today. I spent sometime walking around Bar Harbor with all of the tourists. I stopped at a lobster pound for dinner. Ate outside on the wharf. Kind of fun.
You make an excellent point. When have you ever randomly asked someone "How are you doing?" and they say, "Well actually life really stinks right now!" Everyone would run away and avoid you, your new nickname "Buzzkill." LOL!!!!!!
I am awfully fine for the shape I am in.