
Many of us, myself included, come from a dysfunctional family which adds a lot of weight to the challenges of caregiving. I have read stores on various threads on other topics and decided it would be good to have a thread just for this topic for people to share, vent and discuss.
The idea for this thread originated on the thread named "The Caregiver....How are YOU doing today?"
“If you didn’t come from a healthy family, make sure a healthy family comes from you.”
Happy Father's Day to all the fathers on-board.
Amazing after 41 years I still have tears in my heart for my father.
I am coping well these past few days.
Even though there are some issues.
I hope you all are well in good spirits.
Golden I pray all is well. I pray all is well with your family.
I always hold on to something one of my heroes here advised me to remember. "Still I rise." Mya Angelo. Deep powerful meaning.
No matter how bad and painful and constant the pain or trial is. The Father is always near and here with us working on it in ways we ne er know.
I always see down the line somewhere that He was there and working all along through this forum, through the angels on board, through the posts we share. Through the laughs and smiles I get from posts. Through the beauty of nature and everything.
When I'm out I try to put out positive energy when it's returned I feel so much stronger. Most times it is.
Rays of love healing and peace to us all.
Sending rays of love and light back to you. Glad you sorted out your boil issue.
I am just now signing in to the forum and saw rats in my last post!
I pray you are all well in spirit and health.
I had urinary tract infection at the end of the week my surgery was postponed. Hadn't had this issue since I was a teenager.
I aways remember the first time working in ER that I learned how devastating a UTI can be for elderly after ruling out possibilities for why this person was presenting a possible stroke it turned out to be a UTI.
Then I got the boil issue and after trying to curr myself via herbs and supplements I ended up at doctor and had it drained and a script for antibiotics.
I am fine now Praise God.
So much love and gratefulness to you All in this forum.
Rays of love light healing and peace to us all.
Wishing you peace as you struggle through this difficult time.
Do you have NAMI in your area? It’s a program that will adjust pricing of therapy visits according to your income.
“Rats of love healing and peace to us all.”
i’m sure you meant “lots”.
but your sentence really made me laugh, and i needed that :).
That is certainly fabulous news! I’m very happy for you. Therapy is an investment that is definitely worthwhile.
You’ve made a wise choice. I was able to discover important things about myself and others when I went to therapy.
Wishing you the very best as you embrace taking care of your physical and emotional needs. Everyone deserves healing from past experiences and wounds.
Good news I qualify for insurance July 1.
Now I can get mental health care and care I need so badly.
Golden, Barb (((Huggs)))
I loved the post about the lizard living in the garage
Loved the cloud nice humor.
Also the post on narcissism and caring for self, dealing with this #@$% and getting older.
Onice upon a time I was not so easily moved to tears.
So I didn't really want to go back to the orthopedic doctor after post phoning my surgery. I believe it was because of my lack of insurance or rather the type and there were a lot of people there for surgery and he chose best paying client.
So now a new road in my journey.
Rats of love healing and peace to us all.
I totally agree, it does affect you and you can't ignore it. This is why I have gone n/c with my sister and also why I did caregiving for my mother from a distance and saw her infrequently.
As you get older, the stress takes a bigger toll on your body and your mind.
The solution, IMO, is not to allow the cycle to continue b/c, as you say, you get depressed, you work on building yourself up and then you get slammed again before you have healed - and so it goes. There s no chance of healing when there is continued close contact.
I had to look at what was most important.
Was my health and peace of mind less important than whatever crisis mother was having at the time?
Unequivocally no!
Was me doing whatever she wanted going to make her happy, content, less critical, less abusive?
Unequivocally no!
Was I the only one who could change this situation?
Unequivocally yes!
...you can try grey rock, you can try every technique in the book...
...you can try to show no pain, they'll do it anyway. they know, it hurts.
...and even if you show no pain, your body also knows it hurts. you'll see the stress on your body.
...it's impossible it doesn't affect you.
...IMPOSSIBLE to ignore, because your body is "listening" to the abuse too, it's not just your mind/ears listening.
so, 1st step:
realize the reality:
abuse DOES affect you.
your body WILL BE affected.
next step:
solutions.
like many people, what happens is this:
you help = you saved the situation again, great = the toxic family member continues to abuse you = you need to recover from the abuse = you're depressed = you start to recover = another crisis = you help = you save the situation again, great = the toxic family member...
you see?
ah, there is 1 more IMPORTANT THING, in this cycle.
we get older.
and for us women (many of us are women), it's even more vital:
don't lose time. treasure yourself. you're precious. ❤️🙂
a narc's attitude:
"I got 99 problems and you are all of them."
Tekvah, I hope your day’s OK. Today I feel AAAaaarGGH!
How sweet that your father donated to Make-A-Wish foundation. Yeah, points were easy to rack up then.
Today, my cloud and I had breakfast together. Then we watched the news together. And later today, we'll go hiking together. It's a good Sunday. I wish you all a good Sunday!
Years ago my husband occasionally traveled to Venezuela. Oh gosh, back then (80’s) airline perks were fabulous! His job required him to travel about 80 percent of the time. We were young, both working full time, no kids yet, so it was fine.
He would stay in Venezuela for a month or more before returning home. He enjoyed lounging by the pool in his hotel on the weekends. He was quite startled to see that large iguanas also liked hanging out by the pool!
He said that the constant travel grew old but it was part of his job at the time.
The silver lining was that the airline perks were so good that we had many almost free vacations due to his numerous international flights throughout the years.
Cars, hotels, etc. were often included in the perks! With those savings we were able to dine anywhere we wanted since that was our only expense.
He had so many points that we often flew first class! Those super competitive days between airlines have long been over. They were fun while they lasted though.
I was grateful it wasn't rattle snake, my neighbor had one that enjoyed hanging out in her skimmer basket. I still stomp on the lid and listen before I open it, I do not like those kind of surprises. :-)
OK, I’m glad I got that all off my chest.
As for anyone facing dysfunctional people, keep your head up, and try to stay away from them. They have a mean streak, and will try to take you down.
Now it’s time for my cloud (I have a cloud that follows me around) and I to take a look what’s in the fridge. Time for breakfast! :)
They avoid humans if at all possible and keep the detrimental bugs in check, I had one that lived in my garage for years and never even had one cobweb or evidence of any bugs, which is amazing, considering I live in the middle of the desert.
Apparently, they're called adrenaline junkies. They crave the adrenaline rush. It's similar to being addicted to drugs.
The point I want to make, is that I think dysfunctional people are similar. (I personally, luckily, don't have such people in my life). How ever you want to call them (dysfunctional...nasty...mean...toxic...abusive...narcisisstic...), these toxic people get a rush (an adrenaline rush) from creating drama, from arguing, from creating conflict, from putting you down, from terrorizing you, from abusing you, from making you worry, from stressing you out.
It's similar. It's an adrenaline rush, which makes them feel alive. They crave that adrenaline rush, and therefore keep doing it again and again.
From the NAMI.org website:
["Each illness has its own symptoms, but common signs of mental illness in adults and adolescents can include the following:
Excessive worrying or fear
Feeling excessively sad or low
Confused thinking or problems concentrating and learning
Extreme mood changes, including uncontrollable “highs” or feelings of euphoria
Prolonged or strong feelings of irritability or anger
Avoiding friends and social activities
Difficulties understanding or relating to other people
Changes in sleeping habits or feeling tired and low energy
Changes in eating habits such as increased hunger or lack of appetite
Changes in sex drive
Difficulty perceiving reality (delusions or hallucinations, in which a person experiences and senses things that don't exist in objective reality)
Inability to perceive changes in one’s own feelings, behavior or personality (”lack of insight” or anosognosia)
Overuse of substances like alcohol or drugs
Multiple physical ailments without obvious causes (such as headaches, stomach aches, vague and ongoing “aches and pains”)
Thinking about suicide
Inability to carry out daily activities or handle daily problems and stress
An intense fear of weight gain or concern with appearance"]
The support over the years on this thread has been helpful to so many.