
Many of us, myself included, come from a dysfunctional family which adds a lot of weight to the challenges of caregiving. I have read stores on various threads on other topics and decided it would be good to have a thread just for this topic for people to share, vent and discuss.
The idea for this thread originated on the thread named "The Caregiver....How are YOU doing today?"
Of course you need to stop "lending" the money and watch over your own retirement. It is a sad situation. Some companies will help find carpooling opportunities. Don't try to fix it for him. Is he dating? Living with someone?
Is there public transportation? Oh, now I think they are in a large metro area? If it is where I am now remembering, there is a great public transportation system! He needs to figure it out. There are many many jobs available in that area. Maybe he needs to find a new job closer to home.
There are many people leaving that city, costs are very, very high! It used to be a wonderful, exciting place to live with so much to do. Now, crime rates and cost of living are pushing long time residents out. I, personally, would never live in that area again.
Some companies in the area offer financial counseling. Maybe that is available from your son's company. Look back at messages I have sent to you. There are also free credit counseling for those with financial difficulty, and it should be free! They can renegotiate loans, etc... Can he get a roommate? There are many people that need to do this because of high costs!
Can he ride into work with a co-worker?
If you do give him money for the car, go make the payment yourself so youknow for sure where the money is going.
I used to buy grocery store gift cards for my daughter instead of cash for my daughter when she was being fiscally unsound, that way I knew where the money was going
Please dont feel guilty, there is only so much you can do .
we can’t correct this. It’s over $1400 and we are not willing to sell off stock my heart is broken, I can’t make it right this time
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The move is happening and I am needing to process the many feelings triggered by moving. Takes time and energy.
Dd is looking better and better and very slowly getting more energy back.
Shout out to everyone Do something good for you. For me it is time to get my hair done again - maybe medium ash blonde low lights this time!
I had to rehash history with legal intake process yesterday. I was already in a bad place feeling guilty for not able to see my mother in two weeks. Also I guess this was I time I can't stop remembering the ugly from my mother and sister. I even have dreams regularly. I wish I could learn to stop those memories.
Today was another day of tear breaks in public I knew I was bad which is why I wasn't up to the visit routine.
I need help it's coming slowly but sometimes I unravel.
So I'm in process of legal aid. My mother is approved for Medicaid. I call the guardian office to give info and got the number is wrong.
Somehow I had the agency lawyer number so I left message.
So much in my head I'm good but I wonder how I held so much in. Why I cannot be oblivious to this s#$@ like I was before.
Anyways I'm still kind of good
Wishing all the best for everyone.
Golden, I would be inpsych ward if I was moving. All the best. I admire your resilence.
Hope ypu all are well.
Rays of love peace and healing to us all.
Ps. Keep smiling it comes back and feels good.
Joanne - I think this thread is pretty safe though nowhere online is 100% safe. Hope you are getting therapy to help you recover from your abusive experiences.
turtle - it's great sharing with others who have been there. Validation!
duck - your post touched me. Indeed you have negotiated all the responses to your posts very well.
I realized the other day that I have spent just over 1/2 my life in this city and nearly 1/2 my life in this house. No wonder moving is a bit emotional.
I have changed my plans a little and am hoping to move in November some time. I don't want to spend another winter here. I'll leave a little furniture for staging but move most to the condo. Its time. I'm emptying or reducing the contents of closets and cupboards these days Who needs 6 pairs of sunglasses and a couple of pairs of safety glasses. These are left overs from the kids. That's the trouble with having the space - it gets filled!
Dgd wants dd and sil to move to Edmonton where she and bf are. Dd likes that idea. With oldest son moving there eventually, it would mean lots of us close together. She asked, if they move there, could she grow some veggies on the cottage lot. Of course!!! 🍅 🥒🥕🍆 😊
much love!
Take care everyone.
Do something nice for yourself today. You really do deserve it.
It was sad to read recent posts.
Joanne I am not aware of the circumstances but I encourage you to keep posting. Yoda gave good advice.
I came on board broken in so many ways expressing my brokenness as best I could.
I mean we see certain characteristics in those who hurt us in a plethora of ways.
My thing was that in the midst of pompousness and clicks the overriding factor was the beauty of wise and caring people who touched my spirit in a shocking way.
Sone questions interrogations for clarity were addressed openly and at times with trepidation.
Because of my experience and programming and dysfunction I knew my issue in considering the feelings of others tiptoeing around people and knowing deep down that people I tiptoes around in any essence were not good for me due to manipulation shamecand blame. Also knowing that they could not handle any degree of truth when called out or just plain old addressed respectfully when confronted. The result would be either a structured attack in retaliation in guilt blame shame.
So I. This forum from day one the constructive responses and critique was an answer t to my prayers.
Careful not to respond to bait or condescending reactions to how I wrote or responded to others. It amazed me how things can be perceived as insult and at same time thecresponses were in essence the same type spirit in my loved ones tactics and manipulations for whatever reason and needs. Degrading, insulting dismissal ridicule so many violations in so many ways.
My focus was the beauty that was very rare for me. Understanding and most of all knowing me and what it means for someone to even try and understand or just understand because they know. Just care. Relate. Interest concern.
So keep posting there are so many good souls on board here.
This forum is one of the best blessings in my life.
Objective understanding and support and subtle guidance from being in worse or same trenches able to share their own pain experience and wisdom struggles in this arena called life.
SHaring and caring
Much love to you all.
Feel free to post. If people post self-righteous, judgmental responses with interrogating-type questions that only inflict more pain and increase the same plus do not validate your current feelings, I will stand up for you and personally report them to the administrators. I'm sure others here feel the same way.
Any way, it's your choice. You are anonymous and welcome.
It would be better to post your own question than to go through the Dysfunctional Families thread, as it covers many many people and your issues will not get the replies that you deserve when starting off.
Welcome to the site, there are lots of helpful people and helpful information. If you click on Care Topics at the top of the screen, you will get an alphabet. See what might help you to browse. Yours, Margaret
Welcome!
thanks!
Kindly, private message me if you want to know where that group is.
Yes, her story was tragic, horrific and pain-filled which only made her pain and shame worse. I feel where she is.
She needs a lot of love and validation with sincerity. I was nudged in her direction by a friend. I sent the person a private message about the location of a private support group that she can join and post anonymously to people on the same journey that she is on. She will not experience judgmental comments interrogating questions or second guessing.
I'm glad others of you came to that thread.
On a side note, I decided for my own health, not to have anyone cut my hair. Now, I like it long and so does my wife. I guess this is delayed adolescence at 65. ha, ha, ha
Good night!
Take care of yourself, everyone. Do something nice for yourself. You deserve it.
My standing challenge to any holier than than thou person is the following test. Where you live, find the place that is what I call "the earthly gates of hell." If you will go and if you can show God's love to those in such conditions, then I'll agree that you are a very holy person. If not, you are not a holy person, but a legalist lacking both love and joy. BTW, not all of these types of places are found in the big city or in other countries.
I call that living in the river of denial as in De Nile River.
I've so appreciated getting regular bday cards and occasional texts from my mother, even though I've been distant from her. Just knowing that she thinks of me has been a sweetness in our relationship. I've always appreciated her small gestures and her showing me she was thinking of me in any small way. Just show you care. The rest is up to YD, I guess... ((((hugs))))
Your YS sounds like she has a personality problem, if not a personality disorder. If she gripes about you behind your back to anyone who will listen and then swings at you -- she is not a decent or a well-adjusted person. I hope you can find some peace with things.
Sharyn, I can hear your frustration and concern. I'm sorry you're dealing with this. Hang in there. ((((hugs))))
*I have some feelings around the recent AC thread on incest/abuse, and that's why I came to post here, but then I realized after some type-deletes that I'm not sure what even to say... Whew. I don't suppose we'll ever know the sincerity of one-time or short-term (all? lol) posters on AC, but I think we should all strive to give them the benefit of gullible compassion, and only because "you never know." I can relate to some of the details in that post. And that sucks.
Branded that last minute change in mind may have been for the best.
So I have been expressing loneliness. I think I have always been lonely.
I called Gass company about disconnect concerns and was totally relieved to learn it's going to be okay.
It was like the day actually my life got so much brighter.
I called prayer line as I was feeling out of sorts. Hip pain is not constant and I am feeling better about myself.
My aunt's dog has cancer. Bleeding rectally. I want to tell her it may be best to put him ro sleep. It's her baby and I am still learning to keep my mouth shut and shet lol.
I remember call aspca for my Prince. I know I couldn't bare to find him dead. I still dream about him.
So much love for you all peace love and safety to usvall.us all.
I'm back to caregiving for the next week.
Barb good to see you. You are another early teacher for me. One of the most effective light bulb moments was reading and learning about narcissism.
So happy Fall. To everyone. This is my favorite season. Rays of love and healing to us all. Thanks for that mega hug
I was overwhelmed last week to post my thoughts of not having anything to look forward to.
No one top lease or make happy or to share.
Anyways I am feeling a tad better. Spiritually I feel much stronger.
Ali as usual your posts touch my heart to tears. Your clarity is awesome.
Golden you were my first connection to my breakthrough and your post are so full of wisdom.
Sharyn I am thinking that maybe if the doctor stresses that you are to check his sugar as a demand, your husband might be able to let you do his finger sticks daily.
Glad that was sad and funny about the hair.
The sister thing for Me is painful how do you forget. There are things I don't remember.
I found a letter I wrote to my sister and mother
In the letter I demanded in the name if Jesus that my mother and sister will never subject my son his wife or his children to the schemes and manipulation they used to hurt and controll me.
Now how they were going to get this note I don't know lol. I found it looking for something else.
About the mother thing. I have tried to explain my childhood and isdues
We are each of us responsible for our own health, yes?
you can fix stupid or ignorance and I can only do so much but I want a life too.
Why are those charmed by narcissists not able to see reality or the faults of the narcissist?
Narcissistic people take advantage of what people hunger for and appear to provide it while at the same time using them for what they hunger for. It's a vicious cycle of one feeding off of the other, but only the narcissistic will win in the end.
People with a solid sense of personal identity and healthy boundaries see right through these narcissistic charmers. They are not impressed, nor are they afraid. Actually, it is the narcissist who fears such people.