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Sharyn, phew, I thought it was $15K too!

Of course you need to stop "lending" the money and watch over your own retirement. It is a sad situation. Some companies will help find carpooling opportunities. Don't try to fix it for him. Is he dating? Living with someone?

Is there public transportation? Oh, now I think they are in a large metro area? If it is where I am now remembering, there is a great public transportation system! He needs to figure it out. There are many many jobs available in that area. Maybe he needs to find a new job closer to home.

There are many people leaving that city, costs are very, very high! It used to be a wonderful, exciting place to live with so much to do. Now, crime rates and cost of living are pushing long time residents out. I, personally, would never live in that area again.

Some companies in the area offer financial counseling. Maybe that is available from your son's company. Look back at messages I have sent to you. There are also free credit counseling for those with financial difficulty, and it should be free! They can renegotiate loans, etc... Can he get a roommate? There are many people that need to do this because of high costs!
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Golden and Kellse, we gave them $1000 already this year. A typo. They are behind on car payments and owe $1400. We are not going to sell off stock to help them. We can’t afford it. They have been eating out a lot on weekends at expensive steak house restaurants or eating out for breakfast. We haven’t been out to a restaurant in a year. We’ve had to cut out most extra things ourselves. Yes, they need some credit counseling or something. As far as I know, my son got to work today.
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sharyn - it is 15K not 1400? For that amount (15K) he could have bought a decent second hand vehicle. There must be a root problem of not managing his finances well - overspending in some area or whatever. No, you cannot fix that, Only he can and enabling him won't help him. You and hub are retired and need to look after yourselves. I am sorry you are dealing with that. I had to stop lending to one dil as she was asking for more and more and was slower and slower at paying back. Eventually she did pay back the last loan and then I said "No more."
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SharynMMarie,

Can he ride into work with a co-worker?
If you do give him money for the car, go make the payment yourself so youknow for sure where the money is going.
I used to buy grocery store gift cards for my daughter instead of cash for my daughter when she was being fiscally unsound, that way I knew where the money was going
Please dont feel guilty, there is only so much you can do .
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Hey everyone. As usual I need some info, advise. This is the issues, My son got his car repossessed. We have given him $15000 since the first of the year. We can’t not give him any more. He has never paid us paid back. His job is on the line this time because he can’t go to work. I hate being a parent.
we can’t correct this. It’s over $1400 and we are not willing to sell off stock my heart is broken, I can’t make it right this time
e
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duck ((((( hugs)))) and love. Maybe it's a good things this bad stuff is coming out. Then you can be rid of it eventually. Aging is no fun but I wouldn't go back for anything. It's OK not to visit your mother when it is not good for you.

The move is happening and I am needing to process the many feelings triggered by moving. Takes time and energy.

Dd is looking better and better and very slowly getting more energy back.

Shout out to everyone Do something good for you. For me it is time to get my hair done again - maybe medium ash blonde low lights this time!
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Duck, hang in there! We all love you on here. (((HUGS))))
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I have been very tearful. I think in my aging and reckoning with my truth and limitations has been overwhelming.
I had to rehash history with legal intake process yesterday. I was already in a bad place feeling guilty for not able to see my mother in two weeks. Also I guess this was I time I can't stop remembering the ugly from my mother and sister. I even have dreams regularly. I wish I could learn to stop those memories.
Today was another day of tear breaks in public I knew I was bad which is why I wasn't up to the visit routine.
I need help it's coming slowly but sometimes I unravel.

So I'm in process of legal aid. My mother is approved for Medicaid. I call the guardian office to give info and got the number is wrong.
Somehow I had the agency lawyer number so I left message.
So much in my head I'm good but I wonder how I held so much in. Why I cannot be oblivious to this s#$@ like I was before.
Anyways I'm still kind of good
Wishing all the best for everyone.
Golden, I would be inpsych ward if I was moving. All the best. I admire your resilence.

Hope ypu all are well.
Rays of love peace and healing to us all.

Ps. Keep smiling it comes back and feels good.
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Joanne and turtledoo - welcome.

Joanne - I think this thread is pretty safe though nowhere online is 100% safe. Hope you are getting therapy to help you recover from your abusive experiences.

turtle - it's great sharing with others who have been there. Validation!

duck - your post touched me. Indeed you have negotiated all the responses to your posts very well.

I realized the other day that I have spent just over 1/2 my life in this city and nearly 1/2 my life in this house. No wonder moving is a bit emotional.
I have changed my plans a little and am hoping to move in November some time. I don't want to spend another winter here. I'll leave a little furniture for staging but move most to the condo. Its time. I'm emptying or reducing the contents of closets and cupboards these days Who needs 6 pairs of sunglasses and a couple of pairs of safety glasses. These are left overs from the kids. That's the trouble with having the space - it gets filled!

Dgd wants dd and sil to move to Edmonton where she and bf are. Dd likes that idea. With oldest son moving there eventually, it would mean lots of us close together. She asked, if they move there, could she grow some veggies on the cottage lot. Of course!!! 🍅 🥒🥕🍆 😊
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this is great. i know exactly what they are talking about. thank you for this. Ill vent one of these days. hang in there everyone. no matter what people in your family/life say you are doing the best you can and there is nothing wrong with that.
much love!
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I don't know why exactly, but after last night, I am feeling a bit feisty and punchy today. I don't usually feel this way. It is not my style except for when my sense of compassion and justice are ignited. My youngest son is the same way.

Take care everyone.

Do something nice for yourself today. You really do deserve it.
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Just checking in.

It was sad to read recent posts.


Joanne I am not aware of the circumstances but I encourage you to keep posting. Yoda gave good advice.
I came on board broken in so many ways expressing my brokenness as best I could.

I mean we see certain characteristics in those who hurt us in a plethora of ways.

My thing was that in the midst of pompousness and clicks the overriding factor was the beauty of wise and caring people who touched my spirit in a shocking way.
Sone questions interrogations for clarity were addressed openly and at times with trepidation.

Because of my experience and programming and dysfunction I knew my issue in considering the feelings of others tiptoeing around people and knowing deep down that people I tiptoes around in any essence were not good for me due to manipulation shamecand blame. Also knowing that they could not handle any degree of truth when called out or just plain old addressed respectfully when confronted. The result would be either a structured attack in retaliation in guilt blame shame.

So I. This forum from day one the constructive responses and critique was an answer t to my prayers.
Careful not to respond to bait or condescending reactions to how I wrote or responded to others. It amazed me how things can be perceived as insult and at same time thecresponses were in essence the same type spirit in my loved ones tactics and manipulations for whatever reason and needs. Degrading, insulting dismissal ridicule so many violations in so many ways.

My focus was the beauty that was very rare for me. Understanding and most of all knowing me and what it means for someone to even try and understand or just understand because they know. Just care. Relate. Interest concern.

So keep posting there are so many good souls on board here.
This forum is one of the best blessings in my life.
Objective understanding and support and subtle guidance from being in worse or same trenches able to share their own pain experience and wisdom struggles in this arena called life.

SHaring and caring


Much love to you all.
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Joanne,

Feel free to post. If people post self-righteous, judgmental responses with interrogating-type questions that only inflict more pain and increase the same plus do not validate your current feelings, I will stand up for you and personally report them to the administrators. I'm sure others here feel the same way.

Any way, it's your choice. You are anonymous and welcome.
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Joanne, this is an anonymous site, only your user name and profile will be available to anyone. Admin have your email, but nobody else does. I don’t think hackers would really bother with us. If you are concerned about being identified by anyone who could pick you from your experiences, my suggestion would be to register again without calling yourself ‘Joanne’. Perhaps don’t put too much on the profile, though some helps to get relevant advice. I have a fairly full profile, but as I live in Central Australia, I don’t expect too many people to bother me! It's 8.30am here on Wednesday 28th, just to be chatty.

It would be better to post your own question than to go through the Dysfunctional Families thread, as it covers many many people and your issues will not get the replies that you deserve when starting off.

Welcome to the site, there are lots of helpful people and helpful information. If you click on Care Topics at the top of the screen, you will get an alphabet. See what might help you to browse. Yours, Margaret
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Joan, you are anonymous.

Welcome!
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I’m not quite sure how much I feel comfortable sharing here yet…. I hope you don’t mind if I just get my feet wet by reading some posts. Am I correct that my name or identifying info will be displayed here?
thanks!
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Great news! One of the moderators from the private online support group that I mentioned privately to the woman is also on here. I gave her the link to that thread and hope they will go there. I've done all that I can do.

Kindly, private message me if you want to know where that group is.
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AliBoBali

Yes, her story was tragic, horrific and pain-filled which only made her pain and shame worse. I feel where she is.

She needs a lot of love and validation with sincerity. I was nudged in her direction by a friend. I sent the person a private message about the location of a private support group that she can join and post anonymously to people on the same journey that she is on. She will not experience judgmental comments interrogating questions or second guessing.

I'm glad others of you came to that thread.

On a side note, I decided for my own health, not to have anyone cut my hair. Now, I like it long and so does my wife. I guess this is delayed adolescence at 65. ha, ha, ha

Good night!

Take care of yourself, everyone. Do something nice for yourself. You deserve it.
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I believe that I can say with confidence that this group is likely one of the most supportive groups here. In other places, I have seen people open up about dysfunctions in other places about their families and seen them be pounced upon.

My standing challenge to any holier than than thou person is the following test. Where you live, find the place that is what I call "the earthly gates of hell." If you will go and if you can show God's love to those in such conditions, then I'll agree that you are a very holy person. If not, you are not a holy person, but a legalist lacking both love and joy. BTW, not all of these types of places are found in the big city or in other countries.
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yes! ""what do I do, pretend the problems didn't happen." That head-in-the-sand approach by some family members has always made me nuts, especially when there's an obvious event or rift."

I call that living in the river of denial as in De Nile River.
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Margaret - I can relate to "what do I do, pretend the problems didn't happen." That head-in-the-sand approach by some family members has always made me nuts, especially when there's an obvious event or rift.

I've so appreciated getting regular bday cards and occasional texts from my mother, even though I've been distant from her. Just knowing that she thinks of me has been a sweetness in our relationship. I've always appreciated her small gestures and her showing me she was thinking of me in any small way. Just show you care. The rest is up to YD, I guess... ((((hugs))))

Your YS sounds like she has a personality problem, if not a personality disorder. If she gripes about you behind your back to anyone who will listen and then swings at you -- she is not a decent or a well-adjusted person. I hope you can find some peace with things.

Sharyn, I can hear your frustration and concern. I'm sorry you're dealing with this. Hang in there. ((((hugs))))

*I have some feelings around the recent AC thread on incest/abuse, and that's why I came to post here, but then I realized after some type-deletes that I'm not sure what even to say... Whew. I don't suppose we'll ever know the sincerity of one-time or short-term (all? lol) posters on AC, but I think we should all strive to give them the benefit of gullible compassion, and only because "you never know." I can relate to some of the details in that post. And that sucks.
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I pray all are safe from harm during this hurricane season.

Branded that last minute change in mind may have been for the best.

So I have been expressing loneliness. I think I have always been lonely.
I called Gass company about disconnect concerns and was totally relieved to learn it's going to be okay.
It was like the day actually my life got so much brighter.

I called prayer line as I was feeling out of sorts. Hip pain is not constant and I am feeling better about myself.

My aunt's dog has cancer. Bleeding rectally. I want to tell her it may be best to put him ro sleep. It's her baby and I am still learning to keep my mouth shut and shet lol.
I remember call aspca for my Prince. I know I couldn't bare to find him dead. I still dream about him.
So much love for you all peace love and safety to usvall.us all.
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Sad. I was all packed and had my ride to travel to the airport to go to my home in Florida. Ninety minutes before the flight I called my boyfriend and said I didn't think I should head home to Florida due to the hurricane.

I'm back to caregiving for the next week.
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FEELING left out cast out. Why was I nearsighted andvhad to wear glasses and onbsaw clearly after i got glasses in first grade. Because i always had to go to black board to copy stuff. why did I have knobby knees and so on. I also feel like my son does not understand because he has never seen it.

Barb good to see you. You are another early teacher for me. One of the most effective light bulb moments was reading and learning about narcissism.

So happy Fall. To everyone. This is my favorite season. Rays of love and healing to us all. Thanks for that mega hug
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HI everyone I hope you are all in a good place.
I was overwhelmed last week to post my thoughts of not having anything to look forward to.
No one top lease or make happy or to share.
Anyways I am feeling a tad better. Spiritually I feel much stronger.
Ali as usual your posts touch my heart to tears. Your clarity is awesome.
Golden you were my first connection to my breakthrough and your post are so full of wisdom.
Sharyn I am thinking that maybe if the doctor stresses that you are to check his sugar as a demand, your husband might be able to let you do his finger sticks daily.
Glad that was sad and funny about the hair.
The sister thing for Me is painful how do you forget. There are things I don't remember.
I found a letter I wrote to my sister and mother
In the letter I demanded in the name if Jesus that my mother and sister will never subject my son his wife or his children to the schemes and manipulation they used to hurt and controll me.
Now how they were going to get this note I don't know lol. I found it looking for something else.

About the mother thing. I have tried to explain my childhood and isdues
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Barb you are very right!
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I rescued my brother from living alone. He was not eating and only drinking beer. His health was failing so I took him in. I also take care of my husband who has diabetes and other health problems. I'm finding it to much for me to handle. What are my options?
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Sharyn, wives are not meant to be nags, or the ONLY keepers of their husbands' health.

We are each of us responsible for our own health, yes?
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Glad, I decided today I need to detach again. The dr told me if we don’t hear from a neurologist this week to call and let her know. It all up to him. I told him about Johnny Cash and how he died. Not controlling hid diabetes eating as he pleased. and died from kidney failure I have to focus on my health. I’m not going to be like his mother who did for his dad ignoring her ow heart issues and pleading his dad. I guess I. Not the kind of woman who should,d have gotten married.

you can fix stupid or ignorance and I can only do so much but I want a life too.
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Truth about narcissists and those manipulated by them.

Why are those charmed by narcissists not able to see reality or the faults of the narcissist?


Narcissistic people take advantage of what people hunger for and appear to provide it while at the same time using them for what they hunger for. It's a vicious cycle of one feeding off of the other, but only the narcissistic will win in the end.


People with a solid sense of personal identity and healthy boundaries see right through these narcissistic charmers. They are not impressed, nor are they afraid. Actually, it is the narcissist who fears such people.
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