The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

Amen and Amen! Polarbear and Isthisrealyreal, tell it!!!! Amen!!!! It's the truth that will set people free if people will listen.

ITRR- I have 3 friends whose marriages were destroyed by their MILs and momma's boy husbands.

And yes, I agree, the husband in the story should come home to an empty house and bank accounts and with divorce paper waiting for him.

This mommies boy should come home to an empty house and empty checking, savings, retirement accounts and divorce papers sitting in the middle of the empty house.

I would even take every roll of toilet paper because he has proven he is a dirty bung hole.

Oh my, I could feel my blood pressure rise just reading this audacious story.

In each of those viral threads, Redditors defended both married women and men against their in-laws. In the original poster's case, Redditors did the same, but pointed the metaphoric finger directly at her husband for undermining his wife and inviting his mother on vacation against her wishes.
"I don't wanna call the divorce card but.. divorce," Redditor u/PeanutButter_Toast_ wrote in the post's top comment, which has received nearly 29,000 votes.
"You told your boundaries, you said no...Your husband told you he would tell her no, he lied," they wrote. "He tried to pin you in a corner by not saying anything and bringing her anyways and got upset you refused to be a part of his little trap??"
"He needs to go," they added.
Redditor u/RubyLarkspur87, whose comment has received nearly 8,000 votes, offered a similar response.
"He gave you an ultimatum- no loving partner would ever put you in that position," they wrote. "He's a mummy's boy and she's manipulative and toxic. You have every right to enjoy a holiday with your husband without them behaving like children."
"You did the right thing," they added. "The next right thing to do is leave."
"Trust me, GET OUT NOW," Redditor u/ninjaman2021 chimed in. "He's always going to put his mother before your marriage and it's a battle you're never going to win."

End of article.

Really, what must MIL be thinking to make her behave in such a horrible way? I am guessing these are what goes on in that narc's head of hers:

"I am your mother, so you have to do what I say."
"I am old, and you as my son and DIL must serve me."
"There's no such thing as couple's privacy. My needs come first."
"Actually my needs are the only things that matter."
"How dare you leave me behind and goes on vacation."
"You have no right to go on vacation without me."

Shudder shudder....

Did anyone read or heard this story? MIL from hell, a spineless husband and a ruined couple trip.

I wonder what goes on in MIL's head, what she thinks.

https://www.msn.com/en-us/lifestyle/travel/i-was-fuming-husband-dragged-for-secretly-inviting-mom-on-couples-trip/ar-AAXaM7k?ocid=sapphireappshare

Here's the article if you don't want to use the link.

"Thousands of internet commenters were quick to call out one man for secretly inviting his mother on a two-week vacation originally meant for he and his wife.

In a viral Reddit post published on r/AmITheA**hole, Redditor u/RoadIsland123 (otherwise referred to as the original poster, or OP) said she tried all she could to keep her mother-in-law away from the couple's trip but was unknowingly undermined by her husband.
Titled, "[Am I the a**hole] for walking out of the airport when I saw my husband's mom standing there with her luggage?" the post has received more than 14,000 votes and nearly 3,000 comments in the last five hours.
Beginning with the explanation that she has always had a toxic relationship with her mother-in-law, the original poster said she and her husband had both reserved a two-week period for an international vacation before there were rumblings of a potential third traveler.

"My husband's mom wanted to come along and threw temper tantrums when I said no," OP wrote. "She called, texted, sent people to talk me into letting her come, even threatened to call the police and make some complaint to get us to stay if she can't come."

"My husband said we should just take her but I told him he was wrong," she continued. "He gave me an ultimatum [and] said he wouldn't go if she can't come and I told him I'd gladly call his bluff, which made him take his words back."

On the couple's departure date, the original poster said she and her husband arrived at the airport early in the afternoon. However, as they walked through the airport, the original poster also said she could sense something suspicious was waiting around the corner.
"Things got quieter, suspiciously quieter," OP wrote. "My husband was walking ahead of me and was looking left and right like he was looking for someone."
"He lead me to the waiting area and [the] first thing I saw was his mom standing there with her luggage," she continued. "I froze in my spot. I felt a cold wave washing over me and I was fuming inside."
"I quietly turned around and started walking towards the exit," she explained. "My husband followed while shouting at me to stop...He tried to say I was overreacting and that his mom was there 'anyway' and I should let it go and not mess the trip up for us."
"I told him he and his mom could still go and that I was going home," she added.
Toxic mothers-in-law, sometimes referred to as "monsters-in-law," can destroy even the strongest of relationships, according to Psychology Today.
In a 2013 survey of 2000 married women, parenting website NetMums revealed that nearly 25 percent of participants reported having "bad" or "terrible" relationships with their mothers-in-law.
Issuing a myriad of complaints, including severe judgment, constant interference and undermining behavior, a portion of the women surveyed by NetMums said they were forced to move away from their in-laws and, in some cases, were forced to exit their marriages altogether.
However, for married women brave enough to weather the storms caused by overbearing and toxic mothers-in-law, vacations often serve as surefire disasters.
Over the past few months, Newsweek has reported on numerous Reddit threads detailing attempts by in-laws to ruin vacations by charging their children's spouse thousands of dollars to attend, refusing to pay for their share of international trips and, like the scenario described by the original poster, showing up for a vacation completely unannounced.

In each of those viral threads... (continue on next post)

It was very timely for you to ask about me, Golden. I appreciate it. I hit a rough bump the past few days. There is nothing out of the ordinary, just the constant pressure of school deadlines and trying to balance work/school. I was having a burnout moment. But I'm over it, and my kind prof gave me an extension on an assignment. Two more weeks, and I'm done with this term. And then I'm heading into the FINAL term!!! In about 15 weeks, I'll complete the degree. Amazing.

I hope you're getting through being displaced ok, Golden. And I hope your insurance rep and the contractors are all responsible and agreeable.

How are you doing, Sharyn?

Big hugs to all. I appreciate so much being able to share in your life stuff and share mine.

Thanks golden. Had mom's day with all my children and grands tonight. The last time they were all together? Before Xmas because I took their gifts with me. It was very nice and hopefully happen more often.

I am exhausted tonight. Woke up about 1:30 am today and couldn't go back to sleep. Two hour drive here. Night all.

Thank you Golden. I'm still under the weather but this too shall pass.

Nice of you to always acknowledge everyone Golden.😊

Belated Happy Mother's Day, duck, and all.

Hope you are getting through life with less stresses now, duck.

Well, my branch of our dysfunctional family is becoming more functional. Didn't hear from middle son, but oldest son actually called me to wish me Happy Mother's Day. I am staying at my dd's now with daytimes at my house with Rocky. She bought me a beautiful card - very meaningful verses - which I appreciate. I will buy her a Habanero Chicken burger meal before she goes for her next chemo on Thursday. My MD treat for her. The last chemo went pretty well. Having me here seems to be OK for everyone. Dgs proudly showed me his room and some technology in it. Dd and I watch some crime shows together in the evening. I tidy up the bathrooms a little. It feels safe here though I miss my own home, but it is working.

Hopefully digging and pipe repair will start this week. A little snow here again but some nice warm weather forecast for the end of the week.

gershun - I saw somewhere that you were not feeling well. Hope you are better.

glad - you really do have a housing conundrum. Working from home would be a nice solution.

sharyn - thinking of you and your family

ali - how's school going and how are yu holding up?

everyone - group (((((((( hug)))))))) 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗

Duck, good to see you here! Happy Mother's Day to you as well.

Just checking in to wish every one a Happy Mother's Day. Hugs Hugs and more Hugs and beautiful stress free days full of love and grace.

Thank you everyone. Please keep my sis in love and their blended family in your thoughts and prayers. I know it sounds cliche but my brother is no longer suffering. Yes he fought hard, my sis in love advocated strong and hard. While I am sad, my nephews, sis in love and her children know him as a husband and a dad.

I'm so sorry, Sharyn. Wishing you comfort x

So sorry, Sharyn. He fought as long as he could, I guess. I wish comfort and peace to your family. (((((hugs))))) 💐🙏

dear sharyn, my deepest condolences to you. hug!!!

((((((sharyn)))))) My deepest condolences. Your brother fought so many health battles. May he rest in peace now. Praying for comfort for you and all his family. 💜💜💜

Sharyn, I am so sorry for your loss.

May The Lord give you grieving mercies, peace and comfort during this difficult time.

Oh, Sharon! I'm so sorry.

Ahhh, Sharyn, I am so sorry for your loss.

Sharyn, so, so sorry. There are no words. (((HUGS)))

So very sorry for the loss of your brother SharynMarie.
💔🌹💔
He truly fought hard with a double lung transplant.

SharynMarie - I am sorry for the loss of your brother. He left this world on the same date he came into it. Amazing! That doesn't happen often.

Today my brother turned 71. He also lost his battle due to respiratory failure. May 4, 1951-May4, 2022.

Send, my brother does need a break. It seems he has on going issues not related to his lungs. Every time he goes into a hospital setting, his brain reverts to this delirium issue. The psychologist at Stsndford says it’s a protective measure his brain does to prevent him from feeling pain. They cannot give him any pains meds because he is now very sensitive to them. With the lung transplant he was given fentanyl which caused all his issues with not waking up after recovery.

Thank you all regarding my brother. He sure has had a rough time since the double lung transplant.

I called the towing company today. This company is also a body works company. They took our Jeep out three different times today with 3 different drivers. They can find nothing wrong with the brakes or suspension. They believe that my husband hydroplaned off the freeway when this wind draft pushed the Jeep off the freeway. We will drive back there tomorrow to get it. Our insurance company wants the bill itemized so they can help us with the towing fee.

Geez, that ended up on the wrong page!

Two nights a week in a hotel since the airbnb fiasco, disgusting, fiasco! It isn't easy, I don't know how people travel all the time for their jobs. But, at least with my situation, I am home five nights a week. That is comforting and relaxing and a relief.

Golden, I'm glad you are more comfortable now and having good sleeps. What's that like? Having a good sleep I mean. I haven't had one of those in ages. Describe it to me. Maybe I can live vicariously through you. :)

Yes, Sharyn I forgot to say that I'm thinking of you and feeling for you. Prayers are being sent your way.

sharyn ((((((hugs))))) Too much happening all at once. Glad your hub wasn't hurt in the accident. Those big rigs passing are scary. I hope with you that your bro will come out of this. He has had a very rough time. Keep us updated.

I am totally at peace about having cut contact with my sis. No more tension waiting for the next insult. It's great!

Sleeping at dd's now in a bedroom upstairs - minifridge and all, and spending time during the day at my house. Rocky seems ok staying at the house as long as I keep up her routine. I am sleeping like a log at dd's. Not sure why but it's good. I'm getting a bit more stuff sorted during the day when I am home. More photos trashed today! There is still a little snow on the front lawn - first time in over 40 years! Now we need some rain and warmth to bring the leaves out. None out so far - another first.

Regarding dealing with trauma, I have done and still do spend a lot of time processing feelings, events, thoughts...I think I would be way worse off if I didn't. It's no good letting negative energy build up in you and create physical tension and even illness. It's a work in progress.

Take care all!

AliBoBali

I'm happy that what I shared is helpful.

I don't know the term for "this concept of -- not being stuck in repeating trauma stories but instead focusing on emotions and validating your feelings."

It would be part of the trauma-related clinical therapy practice.

I am starting on this journey with my therapist. The previous one where I used to live only let me stay stuck in telling my trauma stories which developed into movies with related pics with captions and then a poem. Those were particularly difficult times for along with what I had memories of past trauma came burried memories from an early part of my life that I hardly had any memory of at all before. In therapy and discussing with others, I've learned that this is not an usual experience but our mind's way of protecting us until later on.

If possible, I strongly suggest you find a therapist trained in trauma recovery.

You are correct that refocussing your thoughts is not enough. Read the books, find a trained therapist and best to you in this journey. It's not easy, but several tell me that is is greatly worth the process.

Our bodies do keep score. Our bodies are so awesomely made that if we would listen to our bodies, we would be safer soon than waiting for our minds to figure things out. Trauma does impact our body, mainly our brain. My own gets triggered sometimes when I'm not aware and thus my body will freeze into a do not touch me anywhere right now mode. This has only happened more recently and I've had to explain it to my wife. I first became aware of this when I led a retreat where our focus was on spiritual renewal, but so many needed to share their trauma stories with us and we listened and sought to adjust our presentations to them. When, I got home, I have no idea how many baths and showers that I took while detoxing, but I had to ask for no hugging or touching for a few days. I never helped with one of those retreats again.