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Kit Kat you are in the right place keep posting your truth. Somewhere sd o how you will find guidance and support. Wonderful wise people who have experience maybe even worse. I'm so grateful for this forum thank you all.



I have to get a new computer even the phones are a thing up. Waiting on knew one.

Oh oh! The last days of ptolemy grey was an awesome series related to dementia written by author richard Moseley who wrote devil in a blue dress. He says he usedhis experience with his mother when she had dementia.
Rsays ofvlovevpeace and healing
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Gersh, I know it feel weird here I am almost 62 and still weep for my mother. I didnt mention that as she progesses her true self comes out and it sends me back to the beginnings of my dysfunction. How is your garden?.

You all are always in my heart. Something that practically rescued me for the depths of turmoil I will never forget. Every last post reflect some part of my thinking. The guidance the ugly truths helped me get hear. It wonderful to hear or rather see those same voices resonating. Still wonderful loving spirits giving real and hard love through sharing and advice.
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KatyKat, I hear you.

Ida, welcome.

I will say to both of you YOU matter too!!
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Hello, I am new to this.....and being a caregiver. I am thinking this might be a good thread for me to follow as I am caring for my mother. Yes, our family dynamics are full of dysfunction and my mother and I were mostly estranged for 7 years.
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KatyKat, don't allow yourself to be erased! Stick with us; we lift each other up!
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That's a good question. I am a disabled senior citizen, yet people stop me and ask how my 91 year old Mom (who used to be abusive) is doing, meanwhile, I'm invisible as a human being -- now only a slave to the system, programmed to fulfill Mom's every desire on demand.
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Sharon, sending prayers and hugs!
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Duck! Good to see you on here. I'm sorry you still struggle with depression. I do too and can relate. I too used to get sad when I would visit my mom. I think a lot of the residents didn't get many visitors. Maybe they were horrible people and that is why. Maybe not. Either way it's sad.

Don't be a stranger Duck!
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Oh wow I didnt lose the first one! Lol.
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I just lost my post!! A whole book!
Miss you all so wonderful to check in to see the wonderful folk holding it down. I felt like I had come home the home in my mind where love is abundant and unconditional.

Ttwisted and her son seem to have left me alone. I cant put down my guard I have seen and felt the capacity. I know it will never leave me. I wish I didnt dwell on things or even remember. It stresses me to get flash back of their or my mother's maleficence toward me.
I still struggle with my dysfunctions the pain the misery.
Golden, that post about the letters was off the chain.
Ali as usual I can truly relate to your posts. You are an inspiration.
Barb, Gersh, Church. Panz, Sharon it was wonderful to see you all. All of you are so wonderful so good to see the goodness at work.
Btwy I love the daughter in love instead of law!
I watched the series the thing about pam. A true narcissist at work.
I am still working hard at my personal dysfunction trying to get better in every essence. Still lonely still in prayer, still a cry baby still blessed.
Rsays of love light and healing to us all.
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Ggreetings everyone. Just checking in. I find it amazing the calm I feel inside when I check in. I'm not caught up and I wish everyone all the best.

Glad to report that my twisted and DN havent done anything since my mother has been in Nursing home.
I still struggle with anxiety and depression but thankful I have some peace of mind.
My mother is progressing well. I still break down at times I still cry when I come and leave. I think my programing makes this even more difficult emotionally. One good thing is you have to show negative C result each visit to nursing home and staff gets swabbed weekly. I like my mothers roommate. One visit she told my I was the only one who visits and it messed me up. I just assumed differently and it broke another piece of my heart. I can see someone visits but I dont think regularly and I really struggle not to think about them. Although no one has reason to come down I have started leaving more personal things hidden which is more convenient. I fear getting comfortable and it's sad to even consider someone sabotaging my things but it's a reality and wont go away.

Ali I can truly relate to your posts and you are an inspiration.
Golden, BarB, BOOK, GERsh, Panz, Sharon it felt great to see you all holding it down. I dont want to confuse things so I will refrain from personal comments. I really love the daughter in love instead of law. That was awesome. I stay in prayer. Trying to address my dysfunctions and lack. Sometimes I feel like I am loosing it. Cant find something, panic, get depressed I am so @$!. Then I find it. I had a run with misplacing bank cards which got scary.
Of course Easter rolled up and I was so depressed. I dont know why I remember every loved and how much I miss them not to.mention Anniversarys. So for a minute I was feeling weird about why in the world was I so depressed.
Aanyways, Ray's of love light and healing to us all.
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Oh sharyn - hugs and prayers. Let us know how he is doing.
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Oh, Sharyn!! (((((Hugs))))) and good thoughts and prayers for your brother.
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Me three Sharyn!
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Me too, Sharyn!
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Sharyn you got it coming from me!! Hang in there!
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It’s one thing after another.".my brother fell on Saturday and broke his hip. They did a replacement on Sunday and he is being place in rehab for physical therapy. Prayers, positive thoughts and good vibes please!
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Yes, I agree poodle, but the Admin is not as easy to reach as they once were.
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A while back, there was a way to contact Aging Care to report a problem on a thread. It appears to no longer be here. Help. I'm on a thread that has become hateful and out of control.
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Dear Exhausted55,

You shouldn't be giving up your life to be a caregiver to your ingrate mother who has zero respect for you.
Drop her a** off at a hospital ER and tell them you're done and can't do it anymore.
Or pack her bags and pick a sibling. Then leave her and her belongings on their doorstep. Ring the bell once and drive away.
I see some of the stories on this forum and I say OMG! big-time.
I'm able to be a caregiver to my mother. We have been able to come to an amicable arrangement that is beneficial to us both because she knows I'd do exactly one of those two things.
I don't play any games. I don't tolerate a moment of stubbornness, or instigating, or gaslighting, or guilt-tripping, or passive/aggressive nonsense. I won't have any drama or 'performances' to get attention or to sabotage a special occasion. I do right by her, but it's on my terms not hers. She also knows that if dementia shows up to the party I will stop being her caregiver. My sister does not help out but she's least decent and has some respect. I wish you all the best and hope you find a different arrangement for your mother soon.
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With ts1 I call it sickenly sweet, so fake, even the tone of voice! Makes me ill just to think about it.
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((((exhausted)))) I am glad you are done and you can't continue to do this. I understand that you are feeling bad. It's too hard looking after people who are abusive. I had a narc BPD mother and have a narc sister and got shot down by her. Once I accepted that mother wasn't going to change, I more and more emotionally distanced myself. Did the barbs still hurt? Yes, but I protected myself more and more. It took me longer to realize that my sis was nor going to change either. She would alternate being charming with being very critical and downright nasty. I have been to counselling off and on all the life.

Absolutely you need to take care of yourself. Do you have a plan for getting your mother out of your home? Let us know how you are doing. Distancing from the toxicity in your family is necessary for you to heal.
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Terrible!!! At 0430 I wake up to see my mother has yet endangered herself again! I am done!! I feel bad but I just can’t continue to do this. My siblings are narcissists, my mother lies, they are all rude to me and have no respect for me and never have. It’s time for me to empower myself and be done. I have spent years in counseling. My counselor told me not to have my mother come live with me because of the sick family dynamics and how emotionally sick it had made me. I have to realize I will never get any support from my siblings, and I have to take care of myself. Giving up my life to care for my mother who doesn’t listen jist isn’t an option for me. Why should I when she lies, disrespects me and does what she wants anyway… done
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Oh sharyn - fussing about dog hair on the carpet seems a bit much to me. Kids survive those things and, in fact, do better if their environment is not sterile. Daily vacuuming should be quite enough! Poor kids if their parents subject them to this kind of scrutiny,

Mother had vascular dementia and was really off the wall beyond her "normal" BPD. Nancy's sister needs a neuropsych assessment, IMO, and then appropriate meds to calm her down. That's the only thing that worked for mother. She was paranoid and having psychotic episodes. The antipsychotic helped her a great deal. She also needed an antidepressant. Mother was looked after by a geriatric psychiatrist who was the only one who seemed to know what to do - assessments and meds. It's very important to get the right professionals involved. At one point I stopped taking phone calls (let them go to voicemail) from her as they were so hurtful and just plain crazy. The months before she got assessed and treated were pretty tough as you may remember me posting here. I have every sympathy for Nancy and her niece and also for Nancy's sister whose brain is very broken. I can't imagine how hard it is for someone who has been sick with covid and is on dialysis to have to deal with all of this.
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Golden thank you I guess I just don’t connect well with people My grandsons made friends last week with a couple of sisters. Tgeir parents came over to meet us, this was great. They had issues because our golden retriever being a long haired dog, there was dog hair on the carpet. I just have low self esteem and when I’m judged on this, it’s hurtful. We do vacuum daily. I guess I’m just too inverted to understand that others want a pristine environment for their children to be around. It’s not like we don’t vacuum at all….I don’t know.
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Hello everyone. Nancy called me today her niece is at her wits ends. Nancy niece got Covid in September and as a result, she is on dialysis twice a week plus trying to help her mother. Nancy gave me her nieces phone number. I talked with her for quit some time. Her mother has vascular dementia. If anyone here has info about vascular dementia I would very much appreciate it.
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lisat I am less optimistic than you in believing that every day should be wonderful. Reasonable would be great for me. I have a very difficult sibling too and had a very difficult mother that I was POA and executrix for. I had to let my sibs nasty comments roll off my back. Wondering why they were like this was a waste of time and energy for me. It is what it is. After mother died and the estate was settled I cut contact with my sib. It was the right move for me. I'm not saying any of this was easy. It wasn't but I learned to deal with it.

glad -happy for you that the job is going so well so far. I read your other posts about your AirBnB. Yikes!!! I think you have gone the right route reporting them. Hopefully some positive changes will be made. It must have been nice being home in your own bed for a little time.

sharyn - not nice that Nancy is very ill and also has an abusive sibling. Nancy has to put herself first and let others deal with her sister. That may mean having little contact. Nancy sounds like she was a lovely friend to your mother. I am sorry she is facing this. You say you are feeling low and down on yourself. Please give yourself a pat on the back for being a great help to your mother when she was going through dementia and also for being a great grandma to your grand-twins and a great mother to your children. Do something good for you -something that will pep you up. Hope senior kitty is still doing well.

I'm still working on treatments for the CFS. I definitely need more energy. MCT oil (bullet proof coffee) seems to help. It's early to say that this is reliable in an ongoing sense, but every bit helps!!!

Since mother passing and cutting contact with sis, my mind's peace has increased. It's over three years since mother passed and about 9 months since I cut contact with sis. There s no doubt that my quality of life has improved despite other difficult things that have arisen. My dd is recovering from her second chemo and doing well. The next one will see her half way through the chemo. She's not worried about the surgery at all which is good. After that comes the radiation.

Waiting for lawyers to contact me about sending money for the condo purchase. I won't feel it is mine until money has changed hands. Possession date is April 8th! It's been a while in coming but the timing is right. Still puttering away at downsizing.

Take care everyone! Be good to you.
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Thank you Glad, that is great ideas. I will let her know
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Sharyn, suggest she read Townsend and Cloud Boundaries. She has to learn to walk away and not take anything said personally. She does not have to put up with abuse. Tell her about this website and caregiver support meetings.
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Hi everyone, I’ve been feeling rather low and down on myself. Today on Facebook I received a message from a friend of my mothers. She want me to call her. Which I did.


it’s so sad, this woman was very helpful when my mom had gotten distrustful with my sister and me. She worked my mother. She helped with my mothers financial issues which my mom did not trust us.

she told me today that her sister has dementia, she lives in Utah. This friend of my mothers live in California where I lived. A family member had her placed in a faculty which she escaped from and ended up in Wyoming.

this friend of my mothers (name is Nancy), Nancy is dying from cancer and can’t go to Utah to help. This family member in Utah did get POA. How can they help her when she is difficult and combative?

I suggested they find a doctor or neurologist who specializes in dementia, get her on an anti depressant even if it is capsule that they can open to put in her food or something like a juice. Find a facility that has a security system where they use a security bracelet on her sister so if she tries to leave, the bracelet will set off alarms. My understanding is the family member trying to take care of Nancy’s sister is older as well.

Nancy says she can’t talk with her sister because she gets difficult, accusing them of taking her money and home from her. I suggested redirecting her thoughts to things they know her sister enjoys….knitting, gardening etc.

I also suggested if there is a family member who can gain her trust, a granddaughter/grandson/niece etc that can help as well. If you all remember my mom did not trust my sister, yet she trusted me and I could work with my mom to get her to be more cooperative.

if any of you have more suggestions to help Nancy, I would appreciate it. Nancy was a blessing to us and I want to try to help her any way I can
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