
Many of us, myself included, come from a dysfunctional family which adds a lot of weight to the challenges of caregiving. I have read stores on various threads on other topics and decided it would be good to have a thread just for this topic for people to share, vent and discuss.
The idea for this thread originated on the thread named "The Caregiver....How are YOU doing today?"
I have to get a new computer even the phones are a thing up. Waiting on knew one.
Oh oh! The last days of ptolemy grey was an awesome series related to dementia written by author richard Moseley who wrote devil in a blue dress. He says he usedhis experience with his mother when she had dementia.
Rsays ofvlovevpeace and healing
You all are always in my heart. Something that practically rescued me for the depths of turmoil I will never forget. Every last post reflect some part of my thinking. The guidance the ugly truths helped me get hear. It wonderful to hear or rather see those same voices resonating. Still wonderful loving spirits giving real and hard love through sharing and advice.
Ida, welcome.
I will say to both of you YOU matter too!!
Don't be a stranger Duck!
Miss you all so wonderful to check in to see the wonderful folk holding it down. I felt like I had come home the home in my mind where love is abundant and unconditional.
Ttwisted and her son seem to have left me alone. I cant put down my guard I have seen and felt the capacity. I know it will never leave me. I wish I didnt dwell on things or even remember. It stresses me to get flash back of their or my mother's maleficence toward me.
I still struggle with my dysfunctions the pain the misery.
Golden, that post about the letters was off the chain.
Ali as usual I can truly relate to your posts. You are an inspiration.
Barb, Gersh, Church. Panz, Sharon it was wonderful to see you all. All of you are so wonderful so good to see the goodness at work.
Btwy I love the daughter in love instead of law!
I watched the series the thing about pam. A true narcissist at work.
I am still working hard at my personal dysfunction trying to get better in every essence. Still lonely still in prayer, still a cry baby still blessed.
Rsays of love light and healing to us all.
Glad to report that my twisted and DN havent done anything since my mother has been in Nursing home.
I still struggle with anxiety and depression but thankful I have some peace of mind.
My mother is progressing well. I still break down at times I still cry when I come and leave. I think my programing makes this even more difficult emotionally. One good thing is you have to show negative C result each visit to nursing home and staff gets swabbed weekly. I like my mothers roommate. One visit she told my I was the only one who visits and it messed me up. I just assumed differently and it broke another piece of my heart. I can see someone visits but I dont think regularly and I really struggle not to think about them. Although no one has reason to come down I have started leaving more personal things hidden which is more convenient. I fear getting comfortable and it's sad to even consider someone sabotaging my things but it's a reality and wont go away.
Ali I can truly relate to your posts and you are an inspiration.
Golden, BarB, BOOK, GERsh, Panz, Sharon it felt great to see you all holding it down. I dont want to confuse things so I will refrain from personal comments. I really love the daughter in love instead of law. That was awesome. I stay in prayer. Trying to address my dysfunctions and lack. Sometimes I feel like I am loosing it. Cant find something, panic, get depressed I am so @$!. Then I find it. I had a run with misplacing bank cards which got scary.
Of course Easter rolled up and I was so depressed. I dont know why I remember every loved and how much I miss them not to.mention Anniversarys. So for a minute I was feeling weird about why in the world was I so depressed.
Aanyways, Ray's of love light and healing to us all.
You shouldn't be giving up your life to be a caregiver to your ingrate mother who has zero respect for you.
Drop her a** off at a hospital ER and tell them you're done and can't do it anymore.
Or pack her bags and pick a sibling. Then leave her and her belongings on their doorstep. Ring the bell once and drive away.
I see some of the stories on this forum and I say OMG! big-time.
I'm able to be a caregiver to my mother. We have been able to come to an amicable arrangement that is beneficial to us both because she knows I'd do exactly one of those two things.
I don't play any games. I don't tolerate a moment of stubbornness, or instigating, or gaslighting, or guilt-tripping, or passive/aggressive nonsense. I won't have any drama or 'performances' to get attention or to sabotage a special occasion. I do right by her, but it's on my terms not hers. She also knows that if dementia shows up to the party I will stop being her caregiver. My sister does not help out but she's least decent and has some respect. I wish you all the best and hope you find a different arrangement for your mother soon.
Absolutely you need to take care of yourself. Do you have a plan for getting your mother out of your home? Let us know how you are doing. Distancing from the toxicity in your family is necessary for you to heal.
Mother had vascular dementia and was really off the wall beyond her "normal" BPD. Nancy's sister needs a neuropsych assessment, IMO, and then appropriate meds to calm her down. That's the only thing that worked for mother. She was paranoid and having psychotic episodes. The antipsychotic helped her a great deal. She also needed an antidepressant. Mother was looked after by a geriatric psychiatrist who was the only one who seemed to know what to do - assessments and meds. It's very important to get the right professionals involved. At one point I stopped taking phone calls (let them go to voicemail) from her as they were so hurtful and just plain crazy. The months before she got assessed and treated were pretty tough as you may remember me posting here. I have every sympathy for Nancy and her niece and also for Nancy's sister whose brain is very broken. I can't imagine how hard it is for someone who has been sick with covid and is on dialysis to have to deal with all of this.
glad -happy for you that the job is going so well so far. I read your other posts about your AirBnB. Yikes!!! I think you have gone the right route reporting them. Hopefully some positive changes will be made. It must have been nice being home in your own bed for a little time.
sharyn - not nice that Nancy is very ill and also has an abusive sibling. Nancy has to put herself first and let others deal with her sister. That may mean having little contact. Nancy sounds like she was a lovely friend to your mother. I am sorry she is facing this. You say you are feeling low and down on yourself. Please give yourself a pat on the back for being a great help to your mother when she was going through dementia and also for being a great grandma to your grand-twins and a great mother to your children. Do something good for you -something that will pep you up. Hope senior kitty is still doing well.
I'm still working on treatments for the CFS. I definitely need more energy. MCT oil (bullet proof coffee) seems to help. It's early to say that this is reliable in an ongoing sense, but every bit helps!!!
Since mother passing and cutting contact with sis, my mind's peace has increased. It's over three years since mother passed and about 9 months since I cut contact with sis. There s no doubt that my quality of life has improved despite other difficult things that have arisen. My dd is recovering from her second chemo and doing well. The next one will see her half way through the chemo. She's not worried about the surgery at all which is good. After that comes the radiation.
Waiting for lawyers to contact me about sending money for the condo purchase. I won't feel it is mine until money has changed hands. Possession date is April 8th! It's been a while in coming but the timing is right. Still puttering away at downsizing.
Take care everyone! Be good to you.
it’s so sad, this woman was very helpful when my mom had gotten distrustful with my sister and me. She worked my mother. She helped with my mothers financial issues which my mom did not trust us.
she told me today that her sister has dementia, she lives in Utah. This friend of my mothers live in California where I lived. A family member had her placed in a faculty which she escaped from and ended up in Wyoming.
this friend of my mothers (name is Nancy), Nancy is dying from cancer and can’t go to Utah to help. This family member in Utah did get POA. How can they help her when she is difficult and combative?
I suggested they find a doctor or neurologist who specializes in dementia, get her on an anti depressant even if it is capsule that they can open to put in her food or something like a juice. Find a facility that has a security system where they use a security bracelet on her sister so if she tries to leave, the bracelet will set off alarms. My understanding is the family member trying to take care of Nancy’s sister is older as well.
Nancy says she can’t talk with her sister because she gets difficult, accusing them of taking her money and home from her. I suggested redirecting her thoughts to things they know her sister enjoys….knitting, gardening etc.
I also suggested if there is a family member who can gain her trust, a granddaughter/grandson/niece etc that can help as well. If you all remember my mom did not trust my sister, yet she trusted me and I could work with my mom to get her to be more cooperative.
if any of you have more suggestions to help Nancy, I would appreciate it. Nancy was a blessing to us and I want to try to help her any way I can