
Many of us, myself included, come from a dysfunctional family which adds a lot of weight to the challenges of caregiving. I have read stores on various threads on other topics and decided it would be good to have a thread just for this topic for people to share, vent and discuss.
The idea for this thread originated on the thread named "The Caregiver....How are YOU doing today?"
My father's quality of life is pretty low. He can't walk or get out without great effort due to COPD. He doesn't eat much and is losing weight. He was hospitalized recently for a urinary blockage/infection--similar to issues I dealt with for years when he had a catheter and then sepsis. I don't know how long he can keep going, but I'm grateful my mom is managing his care, even if I think the *whole situation* with him living with her in her nearly-uninhabitable house is dysfunctional. I accept it's their right to make their choices, and thank goodness that someone's covering things, so I don't worry about it.
I didn't call him for Father's Day, though I thought about it all day long. It's just one of those things, I guess, that stem from all the years of dysfunction--I felt emotionally paralyzed about the idea of just making a simple call. I had too much internal conflict. Now, I wish I had called him, as performative as it would have been. Some years I do call him, some years I don't, but I always KNOW when it's Father's Day, and it brings up a mix of feelings.
Sharyn, you might research taking a d-mannose supplement for the chronic UTIs. It's proven effective.
The discussion about OTC pain relievers is interesting to me. At times in my life, I made a point to switch what I was taking out of concern for liver/kidneys. Thankfully, I don't need them much anymore! Take good care of yourselves.
Waghmg, I can relate to your story in some ways. The situation stinks, but I admire you for showing up for your mom and leaving the drama and the rest of the dysfunction aside, as best you can.
🙂🙂🙂🌈🌈🌈
Keep your head up, when things don’t go your way, because some good things fall apart so that better things can fall together.
⭐️⭐️⭐️
4 smart sentences:
One day, all of your hard work will pay off.
Sometimes the universe does you a favor by NOT giving you what you wanted.
Give yourself permission to step away from anyone who is not good for your mental health.
What is meant for you will never pass you by. 🌈🙂⭐️
🫂🫂, you have done the best you can do! 💕💕💕
usually people talk about the family dynamic of those who make themselves scarce and leave the bulk to one family member. That’s not what happened to me at all.
I felt she needed hospice care long before now. It had become a silent power struggle and before I could step away my brother/SIL removed me altogether from the picture forcefully. Absolutely no communication that I begged for which he has always refused to have with me anyway. I just never thought it would come to this.
I am no longer a caregiver for my mom. I no longer have any say in her care at all. I don’t even get updates. I have to dig to find anything out. My brother and his wife have taken over to ‘save’ my 90 yo mom with multiple serious health issues who has been hospitalized 8 !!! times in 2 years. This time she was finally mechanically ventilated. She is now set up for more of the same. I found out by accident she was hospitalized because I called her rehab facility. I feel like I’m watching a train wreck in slow motion being well aware of the ending that’s coming.
I still visit her to let her know I love her. Even though my brother/SIL are present in the room I only focus on mom. Her cognition is being affected by it all. So sometimes she didn’t recognize me. I hold her hand. She can’t say but a couple of words at a time. There is no conversation with her anymore. She doesn’t have the ability.
I refuse to get into any words with my brother but quietly slip away until next time I can see mom. I have no doubt soon it will be my last. Then maybe she will finally be at peace.
🙂🙂🙂🌈🌈🌈
Stop the negative self-talk.
Your brain is always listening.
🙂🙂🙂🌈🌈🌈🍀🍀🍀🌸🌸🌸
Sometimes by losing a battle,
you find a new way to win the war.
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Whoever abandoned you in the middle of the ocean
has no right to know what the sharks did to you or
how you managed to get back to shore.
today’s words of wisdom against dysfunctional/toxic/narc people:
To be truly honest,
not seeing some of you for the last 3 months has been an absolute delight.
🙂🙂🙂
Have you ever spent too much time arguing with someone before it dawned on you that they had the IQ of a crayon?
🙂🙂🙂
Be you.
Be confident.
Be happy.
Like who would think my husband would get a deadly tick bite in March.
Unless you have been warned by someone that's been there it kinda goes in one ear and put the other.
That's what great about this forum!!
I have no clue how people do it, they think nothing of spending money and lots of it , for dinner and movies.
Husband kids took there day out for dinner, it was 405$$
im also having problems with chronic UTIs. I’m taking a low dose antibiotic and every other day an estrogen cream. YAY me, lol!
we have a movie theater hear that has $5.00 Tuesday’s. I take the boys to a movie a couple times a month. Last year I took them to the first movie theater and after paying for the tickets, popcorn and a soda, it cost over $90.00. I thought you have to be kidding me! How do these young families do it.
havea good day everyone!
Every detail shared could be helpful to others, so thank you for this:
My recent bloodwork shows minor damage to the kidneys from over and long use of ibuprofen. I am now prescribed naproxen, it apparently is easier on the kidneys. None of these meds are for long term use. I used ibuprofen for a good 8 years.
Good to hear from you, and feeling like you are in good enough spirits and have things handled.
I know that having the time, and the ability to be with the grands is a good life!
Stay in touch!
And, thanks.
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How is the weather inside you?
🙂⭐️🙂
Standing up for yourself is like karaoke:
It’s scary at first, but once you start, you’ll wonder why you didn’t do it sooner.
❤️❤️❤️
Sometimes the weight you need to lose isn't on your body.
❤️
If you don’t start out the day with a smile, it’s not too late to start practicing for tomorrow.
🙂
Death is more universal than life.
Everyone dies.
But not everyone lives.
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When you allow the wrong people into your life, stuff will come up missing like: Joy, Peace, Love, Hope... (Yes, people steal these things!)
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"But those with an evil heart
seem to have a talent for destroying anything beautiful, which is about to bloom."
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Evil people always support each other.
Gosh, those kids are growing up fast!
Glad hubby's service went well. I think you are right about the dementia. It creeps up on one.
Sharyn I am sorry to hear about the kidney problems. Hope it is nothing too serious. Yourlife sounds good. I am happy for that. As we get older peace, and pets seem to be more important. (((((hugs)))) Keep us updated.
today's words of wisdom:
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Be grateful to those who leave you,
for they have given you the room
to grow in the space they abandoned.
Great to hear from you and that things falling in order for you.
you. Good luck with your surgery.
my grands are 10 now entering 5 th grade in August. I don’t see them daily and that they are out for summer break, I can plan some things to do once a week. I am limited on what we can do together because of my chronic pain.
the chronic pain is a result of bone on bone in the right hip socket. A hip replacement is planned for august. My recent bloodwork shows minor damage to the kidneys from over and long use of ibuprofen. I am now prescribed naproxen, it apparently is easier on the kidneys. None of these meds are for long term use. I used ibuprofen for a good 8 years.
my husbands service was on April 11. My brother in law and sister in law as well as once niece and great nephews came out from California. It was a beautiful service with a chaplain reading scripture, US Army presented me a folded flag, medallion and 3 spent shells from the 3 gun salute by the VFW.
I believe my husband had dementia that caused his accident. After having COVID, he was struggling paying bills. He either did not pay them or he over paid. My husband would not discuss money or bills. It is apparent he was struggling. My son found a gun holster and a 20 inch long sword attached behind his headboard area. His guns were in the gun gun safe. My son and brother in law took the guns.
my life is quiet, peaceful and full of 4 pets I take care of as well as rearranging my house the best I can with chronic pain. Most things will be done after my hip replacement and healing.
Best wishes to everyone and i hope summer is good for everyone.
Don’t be shellfish.
Be a good catch.
Avoid pier pressure!
Seas the day!
Be shore of yourself.
Try to come out of your shell once in a while. 🙂